


Cross to Bear

by Zafona



Category: Supernatural
Genre: "human" castiel, Adorable Sam, Alternate Universe - High School, Angel Castiel, Angel Healing, Angels, Angels vs. Demons, Apocalypse, Archangel Castiel, Archangels, Awkward Dates, BAMF Castiel, Big Brother Dean, Castiel-centric, Child Death, Coma, Complete, Crushes, Dating, Demons, Destiel - Freeform, Destruction, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Elementary School, Fate & Destiny, First Dates, First Kiss, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Healing, Heaven, Hell, High School, Hopeful Ending, How Do I Tag This, Human Castiel, I came up with an ending, I guess I lied about human castiel, Lucifer - Freeform, Lucifer's Cage, M/M, Minor Character Death, Original Character - Freeform, Purgatory, Purification, Secret Crush, Slice of Life, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Student Castiel, Teen Castiel, Teen Dean Winchester, Time Skips, Weechesters, Young Dean, Young Love, apocalyptic, castiel vs lucifer, creation of a post apocalyptic world, fixed it, growing powers, heaven's last hope, loss of parent, not the Winchester parents, school destruction, until later anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 15:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 68
Words: 184,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1716014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zafona/pseuds/Zafona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a heavenly fall comes a bundled miracle. After seeing a winged man leave an infant in the backseat of their car, the Winchesters take Castiel into their family. Unbeknownst to them, Castiel included, he's an angel and his people's last hope. Destiny calls on him in the throes of high school drama and puberty, he isn't ready.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 0 Years-Old: Deliverance

It's the same deal for all living things, when something has gone right for too long there's bound to be something coming your way. Everyone gets that little niggling feeling in the base of their brain, something saying ' _Be cautious._ ' But there's another part that tends to approach the surface faster, louder than the warning. It's that sense of invincibility; the idea that things are forever looking up, nothing can stop you. Most beings understand that the false sense of security is exactly that, false, fake, and self-created. The beings that know mortality know what's at the end for them, that moment they stop breathing marks the end of their string of good luck.

But the immortals? When their minds get that feeling that nothing could go wrong, it can be fatal. They become arrogant, sloppy, and ultimately open the door for something so much worse.

In Heaven everything was running as it should, the angels were committed to their work as they'd always been but something had changed. The number of angels was a constant thing, never growing and very rarely decreasing. So when a new one came to be all attention was paid the tiny, flightless seraph. A new angel was an omen, a warning from the fates that the winged warriors would need this one little thing in particular. Change was coming.

However the guardians saw nothing heading their way, invincibility blinded them and their assumed immortality became a plague on the Heavenly host. Change followed a new born, each angel believed it to be good news that would dawn on them any day from that moment forward.

It wasn't.

Gabriel snuck through the halls of the highest of Heaven's hierarchy; the fledgling was nestled in the safest place until the change it brought was clearer. The archangel Michael was as arrogant as the rest but a cautious leader nonetheless. He had high hopes of the news the infant would bring but he didn't want to toss the poor thing into the ranks so soon. The tiny seraph had to be trained, after all.

Michael's playful brother, however, had no intention of letting things be. Gabriel managed to get into the infant's room and easily swept the bundled angel into his arms. He looked at the headboard that read 'Castiel' in fancy gold type. Gabe pursed his lips and nodded at the choice, he had no qualms with it. The blanket fidgeted in his arms and he looked down to gently move the fabric from Cas' face. The shade of blue that blinked up at him was surreal, almost matching the oddity that was the amber colour of his own eyes. "You  _are_  special," Gabe grinned as he wriggled a finger above his newest family, "you even get a gender, look at you."

The baby squinted for a few seconds as his big brother booped his nose softly, Gabriel couldn't help but mimic the boy's face. Cas' expression suddenly exploded with emotion at the movement of Gabe's facial muscles, he'd never seen anything other than neutral and evidently had no idea it was possible to do anything more than that. Immediately childish laughter bubbled out of him, high-pitched squeaks and gurgling to go with it.

"Shush," Gabriel felt his heart melting just at the sound. This was his baby brother, beautiful, new, and about to cause some kind of a scene. He looked around quickly and curled his lips in; no one was looking. No one knew he was in there. Gabriel smirked and looked down at the bright-eyed boy, "Wanna see something real cool?"

Soon the vast expanse of the earth rested below them, Gabriel stood holding the wrapped little one as secretly as he could. It was an outlook and the archangel was entirely certain that he wasn't supposed to be there, at least not with Cas. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" He asked softly as he held Castiel up to look at it.

Gabe couldn't get enough of the wide-eyed expression his littlest brother made, the tuft of dark hair on top of his head only made him all the cuter – not to mention brought out his eyes. They stood there for a while and Gabriel barely noticed the fluster of wind when someone landed nearby.

"You know I heard the newborn was abducted," the familiar voice of Michael made Gabriel's stomach twist. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, hm?" Gabe could hear the lightest hint of laughter in Michael's tone and knew that his luck hadn't completely run out just yet.

"Michael… hey…" He turned and smiled at his older brother sheepishly, "Uh, yeah, he's right here."

Michael folded his arms over his chest and strolled forward with an amused grin, "We're not supposed to move him, Father's orders."

"Oh come on, what's gonna happen?" Gabriel scoffed and lifted Cas up, letting the blanket drop a little, "Look at him, he's so freaking cute."

"I saw him before, in his bed." Michael stopped at Gabriel's side and watched his two brothers before letting his gaze drift to the earth, "You know, where he looks pretty much the same and where he's supposed to be right now."

"I'll put him back, I get it." Gabriel sighed and shoved Castiel into Michael's arms, "Just hold him,"

"Gabriel-"

"Just once, okay?"

Michael was a little startled at the sudden child in his arms but he held Castiel against his chest all the same. His expression betrayed emotion he wasn't supposed to show and Gabriel could see the little worries in Michael's face, like he was doing it wrong somehow. Michael adjusted his hold gently and looked at the big eyes staring back at him, Castiel had such a happy little face. Cas had no trouble finding his way into his big brothers' hearts. "He's lovely."

"Right?" Gabriel grinned and reached over to take him back, "I got him."

"Right," Michael reluctantly let go and gave Castiel over. The moment felt so quiet, normal, innocent and yet it was the same moment their invincibility evaporated into thin air.

A sweeping cry erupted from the Heavens; fear hit the angels' hearts like a warped two-by-four, rusted nails and all. It started from the very highest point, life drained away like a sickness, all colour disappeared and soon the very soul of the place went with it. It all happened so fast and in the blink of an eye. The base of Heaven's outlook to earth was one of the last places to see it happen, Michael and Gabriel watched in shock as Heaven drained away.

"Run," Michael managed to say and Gabriel barely understood the word.

"What?"

"I said  _run_ ," he snapped again and shoved Gabriel toward the edge of the outlook, "Get him out of here!"

"But- what am I supposed to-" Gabe stammered but Michael didn't wait to hear it. The force of his wings as he took off had Gabriel bracing himself and holding little Castiel tighter. "What am I supposed to do with you?" He asked helplessly as he searched the area. All he could think of was Earth, humanity. If there had ever been an angel that adored humanity it was Gabriel, he thought of no better place to stash the infant than with them.

But Heaven needed him, he didn't have time to stop and chat or explain why suddenly there was a baby present where it wasn't before. How long could this little disturbance take anyway? Sure, he could hear the frequencies of 'all hands on deck' so to speak. Demons and the monsters of hell in paradise and all that, but he didn't think it'd be that bad. So what was the harm in leaving Castiel on earth for a few hours?

That invincibility plague had gotten to the best of them.

Gabriel wrapped Castiel tighter and crafted a note tucked close to the infant's body, and that was how he took his little brother to the surface. The first thing that caught his eye as he'd landed was the glint of a classic car, black and in amazing condition. The windows were wide-open, good airflow – it was perfect. Gabe opened the door to the backseat and gently rested Castiel inside, "Hang tight little guy," he grinned at the babe before leaning out and closing the door.

"Hey!" A man shouted from across the parking lot at him, "What are you doing!? That's my car!"

Gabriel took flight.

* * *

_Earlier that day…_

"John, could you go and get some diapers? We're almost out," Mary asked from the doorway to the garage, her arms preoccupied with rocking a few months-old baby, a pale green blanket swaddled around his sleeping self.

John looked up from where he was crafting the newest form of a sandbox base, his hands were sore from sleepily knocking them around with a hammer one too many times. Construction and exhaustion didn't mix well. "Yeah, of course. Same kind as last time?" He wiped his brow and pushed himself up out of his chair.

"Please, they work pretty well." She smiled and looked down at their baby's face, peaceful and quiet. "He's so beautiful, John."

Her husband leaned in and kissed her cheek, "Who's fault is that?" He grinned and gently turned her head to catch her lips the next time, "Love you, be back soon." And with that he was out the door, dirty weekend clothes and all. He knew there were more things the house needed than just diapers, Mary's biggest concern was Dean so he didn't really care that he didn't have a list. More freedom in shopping that way, just the way he liked to do it. Neither of them were thinking clearly lately, either. What with the crying and keeping them up at night, John hadn't gotten a lot of sleep in the 3 months since Dean was born. Noisy little guy, that one.

John meandered through the grocery story, humming some Metallica to himself as he went. Life was good, despite his exhaustion he couldn't really complain. He had the love of his life, his son, his car, a nice house, and even all of his hair. John really couldn't believe his stroke of good luck.

And then he saw some stranger closing his car door. "Hey!" He shouted as he left the store, nearly dropping his bags. A little bit of yelling scared the guy off but John couldn't have seen what he thought he saw. Wings? Had that man flown away on massive wings? John ran to his car and looked around the outside, nothing was damaged so he looked inside and his heart stuttered.

A baby peered up at him, beautiful little face blinking and staring away at him. John stared back for a good while before he dared to put his groceries down and open the door. That stranger – with no wings, that was a sleep deprivation hallucination – left an infant in the back seat of his car.

John reached in and lifted the little bundle out of his car, looking around again with a hint of panic edging into his posture. "Whose baby is this?" He called out, the start of next hour and a half trying to find the person missing a blue-eyed child. No one had misplaced or lost their baby and that man – that did not fly away – didn't come back. John bit the inside of his cheek and called Mary, not knowing what else he could possibly do.

"John?" Mary answered a few moments of ringing later, he could hear the soft whining of his son in the background. "Where are you? You left forever ago."

"Mary, something happened and I don't know how to explain it…" he chose his words carefully, not sure how to describe the situation without his wife thinking he kidnapped someone's kid.

* * *

 

* * *

 

Gabriel reached Heaven again but this time he saw more of a war than a home. Hell had burst into paradise and was taking over like the plague it was. His heart stuttered in his chest as he soared past the smaller battles near the garrisons and the lookouts, something in the back of his mind told him to find Michael. He tucked his wings close and dodged past a demon colliding with another of his brothers. Gabriel stayed tight to himself as he hurdled through skirmishes and avoided any real fighting of his own. He had to snap his wings open every now and then to get higher, dive-bombing through the battlegrounds and repeating with whatever momentum he'd managed to create for himself.

He managed to get past the first tiers of Heaven but when he entered the third all he could see was a wall of fighting immersed in a swirl of steam and fire. Gabriel's wings pounded the air hard as he swooped overhead. His limbs were tense, they curled in to keep his core protected as the fire licked at him but didn't get much of a taste.

Finally reaching the higher echelons of Heaven he went to where he knew God would be, and maybe Michael too. The grand doors were open, not very wide but enough to be able to tell that whoever had done it didn't care if they closed it off. Gabriel shoved his way inside only to come nose to nose with a familiar and unfriendly face.

"Lucifer," he breathed out the name as if it were poison in his lungs.

"Gabriel, you don't sound so happy to see me." Lucifer's voice was like silk but Gabe knew better than to consider listening more than he had to.

"How did you get up here?" He held whatever courage he could muster and clung to it like a child. "You're supposed to be locked out."

"Dad and I have been coming up with homecoming details," Lucifer shrugged innocently and Gabriel wanted it to be true, he wanted to believe it but he knew better that that too. He looked around the immediate area and couldn't help but note the dents in the walls, floor, ceiling, and blood splattered in all directions. He slowly stepped around the room, continuing to face Lucifer as he went. His older brother watched with a smile, his wings slowly lifting and becoming more intimidating the further Gabriel moved from the door.

"Sounds like a nice dream," he smirked and swallowed nervously, "but how did you really get here?"

"I flew." Lucifer raised his hand in a sort of waving motion, "All the way up, up, up out of the pit. And now here I am, paying you all a visit."

"Well it's been nice having you, hope your stay was pleasant. Guess you gotta get going though, huh?"

His big brother scoffed softly and shook his head, "Don't be silly, I've only seen two of my closest family so far."

Michael would have undoubtedly moved to find God; his first priority was to keep Him safe. So God was missing, blood all around, Gabriel assumed Michael had something to do with it. Was that blood his?

"Who else have you seen?" He dared ask, his chest thumping a little harder, "Was it… Michael?"

"No, unfortunately."

"Gabriel!" Speak of an archangel, Michael shouted at him from the doorway. "Get out of there!"

Lucifer sneered viciously at his brother, "There you are, Mikey. We were just talking about you and I've been playing with Raphael so long I thought you'd never show." His voice was pleasant at first but dropped in tone and patience as the seconds passed. "Now where is He?"

Michael smiled, a tormented little thing, "You were the one playing with him, how should I know?"

"You know who I'm talking about, Michael."

"I'm shocked Lucifer, you mean to tell me you planned this whole invasion and yet didn't plan for where God would be?"

Angry eyes narrowed as Lucifer arched his bloody wings, "He isn't here, where is He?"

Michael's wings stretched and Gabriel could hear the tension in the room, hell he could almost taste it. "Dad went on a little trip a few minutes ago, you missed him." His tone mocked Lucifer but Gabriel recognized it to be his fake high-and-mighty act.

Lucifer didn't buy it either, but instead of asking again he charged Michael full force. And in seconds the Heavens shook, the fight was terrifying and though Gabriel wanted to help Michael, he could barely move his legs. His heart pounded heavily in his ears, his mouth stiff and unable to speak, but Gabriel found he could move his wings. But the only direction he caught himself going was away from the fight each time it crept closer. The clash was thunderous and more than once Gabriel thought he'd be dragged into it, caught in crossfire. He managed to reach the door, legs barely strong enough to hold him. Gabriel couldn't explain it, the pain in seeing his brothers fight like that, the fear of losing even one. It was crippling.

"Gabriel," That voice.

"Dad!" Gabriel turned in a flurry like he'd just been created a moment before, "Dad stop them!" He froze when he saw the state of his Father, just as damaged as he felt and looking weaker by the second. It was then that something an old Horseman once said came to his mind;

' _I will reap God one day.'_

"What's going on?" Gabriel reverted to saying instead, his heart pounding in his chest like a jackhammer. He wasn't even aware that an angel could be that afraid but apparently it was possible.

His Father barely offered a comforting smile before he shook his tired head, "I managed to force the demons out, most of them are back in Hell where they should have been." The battle on the other side of the grand doors exploded into an indiscernible squall, shaking the very surface of Heaven. "Where's the baby?" His father said next, concern etched into his features. "Where is Castiel?"

"He's…" Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek as he recalled the muscle car and the little town he'd dropped into, "Earth. He's on Earth now, Kansas I think."

"Good, he's all we'll have for a while." God smiled and rubbed at his eyes, a weak breath escaping him. Gabriel couldn't believe the shape He was in, he'd seen God exhausted before but this was different. He was drained and Gabriel would've bet anything Lucifer was behind that too. "I've done what I can to make his life down there more stable, good choice of family."

Gabriel ignored the last part, "What's the fledgling going to do? He's pretty much useless until his grace starts to form, and that won't be for years! Hell, his wings are still developing; they won't even come out of his back until he's like 16!" He panicked as he watched his Father take long, slow breaths to ease Himself.

"Have patience, Gabriel. Castiel will develop and he'll come back to us, and when he does we'll stand a chance." He motioned toward the first levels of Heaven and Gabriel's gaze followed. Everything was a mess, he'd seen it on his way through to the highest level but looking down on it from there was almost too much for him. The place was falling apart, slowly rotting and dissolving with many of the bodies that scattered the surface.

"What is all this?" Gabe could barely tear his eyes away but he did only to see his Father sink down against a wall and growing paler by the second. "Dad! What's happening!?" Not knowing was far more terrifying a thing than Gabriel ever knew possible.

"I'm sealing Heaven and Hell, no angel or demon can leave until Heaven is restored and that will only happen when an angel comes home." He closed His eyes and swallowed thickly, He was starting to slow down. Everything was starting to slow down around them, the first levels of Heaven had already frozen in time and the wave of the seal encroached where they stood.

Gabriel felt panic but he knew that he had to trust God; he had to believe that whatever reason He had it was right. But he couldn't. "Why?" He asked frantically as he grabbed onto his Father's shoulders, it was the first time he'd ever acted that way toward Him.

"Lucifer poisoned us all, Heaven and Hell are crumbling as we speak. He was set free and given the essence of all the beings in Heaven by a traitor among us. He accounted for everyone and nothing that existed at the time of the essence-gathering will be effective against this virus."

"So Castiel is our last chance? How's his grace or essence any different than ours?"

"He was made that way," God smiled at him quietly as they felt their bodies slow, "His grace is different than all of us and once it's fully realized he'll be our antidote."

Gabriel stopped fighting it though his heart raced. If his dad said it would happen he trusted it. Or he tried anyway. But he did manage a smile as he heard the fight between Lucifer and Michael stall. Imagining the two of them staring one another in the face for the next decade or so would be the humour that'd get him through the same time span.

* * *

All paperwork and legalities settled, John Winchester looked like a lunatic. Every legal document stated that the child Castiel had been birthed into their family and John was hollering that it wasn't his kid. He couldn't believe how stupid it all was, Mary only had one baby and he was pretty damn sure they'd both remember a second one happening. But according to the systems and all health documents, Castiel was theirs. To figure that out, John had to jump through at least a thousand hoops (he was estimating after the first day), all to prove that someone else had abandoned their baby. But as it turned out he was the father, somehow.

The whole process took a couple of weeks, in that time Mary had been handling two infant boys and while most would think that to be a death sentence when they were struggling with one – it wasn't. Castiel had a sort of calming effect and she couldn't figure out how. Not to mention the fact that whoever didn't want that child went to great lengths to make him legally appear theirs.

"Court finished the ruling," John called as he walked in the door; the exhaustion in his voice was obvious. "No one can figure it out but looks like he's ours." He laughed and shook his head, "Hell, after all the documentation they showed me I'm surprised that it even made it as far as a small court ruling."

Mary sat up from her relaxed position on the couch, one infant sleeping in her arms and the other in a rocking crib in front of her. "You know," She said with a gentle smile down at little Castiel in the crib, "I think he's a blessing."

John was about to argue when he noticed how well rested Mary seemed, "What, new kid's taking care of Dean for us?" He joked as he quietly sat bested his wife with a soft sigh.

"Kind of, yeah," Mary looked up with a little bit of surprise in her face, "He's so calm and easy to handle and, I don't know, he makes Dean that way too."

John figured it was probably just Dean enjoying other baby company but even those words sounded stupid before spoken. It didn't matter though; Mary could explain it any way she wanted to, he didn't feel like arguing about it. He'd spent the last few weeks fighting with legal issues and child custody; he didn't feel like anything really. "So our second son's name is Castiel, doesn't really fit with the current naming scheme-"

"We're leaving it that way. He's named after an angel and I think it's fitting." She protested quickly.

John smirked and shrugged, "If you have it your way you'll end up naming all of our kids."

"Well I'm putting in the birthing effort, I think I should be allowed."

"Fair enough." He kissed her cheek and looked down at the boys fondly, "I kinda like his name too."

 


	2. 4 Years-Old: Sam Winchester

_Four Years Later…_

"Castiel! I have told you time and time again – do NOT colour on that, that is not your colouring book!" John shouted as he tried to sift through his accounting papers, all with crayon doodles and silly little faces.

A dark haired head peered around the dining room entrance, bright blue blinking sheepishly at him. John wouldn't have minded so much if he weren't being audited from the last years' taxes, and Mary wasn't due any day. But he was, and she was 9 months pregnant with a late baby so his temper was thin. Cas looked down shyly and fidgeted with his hands behind his back, "I'm sorry daddy," he muttered as he wandered forward, "I thought you were sad 'cuz of them." He muddled his words in the sentence but John managed to make it out just fine. Castiel glanced up at him and with one look his dad realized just how harsh he was being. "I wanted to draw you pictures daddy, with smiles so they would make you happy."

"Cas," John sighed and put the papers down, kneeling so he could be a little more level with his kid, "I'm sorry buddy, c'mere." He opened his arms to Cas' tiny hug; the boy crawled into his arms and clung there. "You're so right, I did need more smiley faces on those papers."

Cas grinned and nuzzled his dad's funny smelling shirt, "I love you daddy."

"I love you too, Cas."

In the living room Mary was settled on the couch, her belly protruding like her very own, personal backwards-camel hump. Dean was playing with toy soldiers next to and on her, making all the necessary explosion and gunfire sounds. He pressed them up her side fairly gently as he muttered the storyline, something about having to climb a mountain. It was fine for the first fifteen minutes but soon an uncomfortable wriggling and pressure made her wince. Mary took a deep breath as the baby inside her reacted to Dean's jumping and tapping motions.

"Dean," She exhaled a little heavier as the baby's movement increased, "Sweet heart could you not play on mommy?"

Dean of course wasn't listening as his mind delved into the world of battles and wars and real soldiers. That ended abruptly when his mom let out a sharp cry. "Mommy?" His eyes were huge as she bit her lower lip and shook her head.

"Mommy's okay, just get your daddy." She instructed though John was already running into the room.

"Mary?" He asked frantically and looked at her pained expression, "Baby?"

Mary nodded with another deep breath, "Help me up, help me up." She insisted and John rushed across the room like he was made of air.

Dean moved out of the way, tears in his eyes because he didn't understand what was going on. A gentle hand touched his shoulder and he looked over at his brother's smiling face, "Cas? What's happening?"

"I don't know, I think it's okay though." Castiel reassured him with a hug and Dean took it for what it was.

* * *

 

The boys ended up with family friends, Bobby and Karen Singer were more than happy to help. Bobby had no idea what to do but Karen was all over it. She had the two watching old movies first, colouring books and crayons at the ready for them, which Castiel happily attempted. Dean loved the movies, something about watching the Titanic over and over again really made his day. Not that he watched the whole thing of course, the only part Dean cared to see was the second VHS tape where all the action happened.

Dean watched in horrified and excited awe as the giant ship groaned and creaked, as it broke apart. "Cas draw that!"

"I can try." Castiel replied casually as he munched on the plate of snacks in front of them. Bobby had gotten a bunch of crackers, cheese and cold cut meats together for them. The couple sat at the kitchen table and watched the boys with smiles, it was nice to babysit.

What Cas ended up drawing was indefinitely what you'd expect from a four year old but Dean appreciated it all the same. He couldn't draw after all, so it was pretty cool to get it in the first place. Dean put the paper down and looked at it quietly, "Can you draw mommy?"

Castiel didn't even have to look up from his scribbling to nod his head, of course he would.

"Your mom's going to be fine, Dean." Bobby walked into the room and sat down on the floor with the boys, "You'll see."

Dean looked at him but Bobby could tell it was skeptical, like he was just saying things to make him feel better.

"He's right," Cas agreed softly and the look of faith in Dean's eyes almost made Bobby question Dean's priorities. Castiel had more credit with that sort of thing than he did, apparently. "Mommy will be fine, I promise."

Dean smiled a little and nodded, "Okay."

Bobby took his leave back to the kitchen and looked at Karen with a shrug, "He's worried about his mom."

"Of course he is, but he'll find out it's nothing to be so concerned about." She smiled and looked at the little Winchesters.

"I suppose," Bobby sat down next to her and followed her gaze for a short while, "Have you noticed them?"

"The boys?"

"Yeah, Dean's pretty normal, a bit protective but normal. Cas though is such a little spazz."

Karen laughed softly and nodded, "He is, I'll give you that one. What're you getting at?"

Bobby shrugged again, "Well that one cries when he doesn't get the right candy that he wanted but put him in a real distressing situation and bam! He's suddenly cool as a cucumber."

"That's just his nature," She turned her gaze on Cas as the boy drew away, "Dean will protect Castiel from every little thing he can and Cas will return every small favour with one big one."

"Seems complicated for a kid."

"It is." She assured him though it didn't make him feel any less silly for thinking a child complex.

* * *

 

Dean and Castiel were well fed when bedtime came around; Karen herded them through brushing their teeth and using the toilet before getting them into pajamas. Dean crawled under the covers first and since there was only one guest bed Cas had to join him. They cozied up easily enough

The phone rang as Karen was coming back from putting the boys to bed, she grabbed it as she passed by and used her shoulder to keep it to her ear. "Hello, Singer residence."

" _Hey Karen, it's John,"_

"Oooh you sound pretty happy, how'd everything go?"

" _It's good, I wanted to let you know that Mary's fine and we have a new baby boy."_

"What a proud father you must be," Karen sighed with a smile and looked to Bobby as she mouthed 'it's a boy' to him. "What'd you name him?"

" _Samuel, named for his grandfather."_

"He already sounds lovely, I suppose you'll want your other boys to know."

" _Can I talk to them?"_

Karen glanced down the hall and shook her head despite knowing John couldn't see her, "I just put them to bed."

" _It's alright then, we'll let them know in the morning. Thanks again for looking after them, hope it wasn't too much trouble."_

"No problem, John. We're more than happy to see them."

" _Alright well I'll come by in the morning to pick them up."_

"Sounds good, see you later." She hung the phone up and sat down next to her husband, "Named him Samuel, I bet he's adorable."

Bobby nodded and started to get up, "Better tell 'em."

"Don't, they just got to bed!" She protested in a harsh whisper.

"Dean's been doin' nothing but worry about his mom, I get the feelin' he won't be sleepin'." Bobby walked down the hall and to the guest room. When he peered inside he saw Dean curled around Cas with his face buried into his brother's hair. He paused and watched them for a second or two and realized they were sleeping just fine. "Well I'll be damned," He smirked and quietly clicked the door shut again, "Alright," he went back to the table with a huff, "You were right."

She didn't rub it in, only kissed his cheek and went to wash the dishes. Bobby smiled and walked to her side, drying and putting everything away.

In the other room Cas and Dean lie quietly, sleep closing in on them easily but not quite there yet. "Dean," Castiel whispered as he nudged his brother, "Dean are you awake?"

"What?" Dean mumbled and moved back from Cas' head, "Nightmare already?"

"No, not that." Cas smiled and shook his head, "Do you feel that?"

Dean frowned and shook his head, "Feel what?"

"I can feel something, it's tingly."

"Where?"

Cas thought for a second and shrugged, "I don't know, it feels like all of my skin."

Dean sat up and pulled the blankets away, there wasn't anything touching Cas. "What kind of tingly? Like your foot fell asleep?"

"No… no it feels more like…" he looked up at Dean as he considered it, "like you."

"Like me? Cas you're tired, go to sleep." Dean pulled the blanket back up and dropped it over Castiel like that'd solve his problem of being woken up.

Cas didn't say anything more about it and crawled in close to Dean again. It was familiar and friendly, he wasn't scared but it was nice to have Dean so close.

* * *

 

In the morning at breakfast there was a knock at the door. Dean's gaze snapped up from his pancakes and he looked at Castiel whose eyes were just as big. They had a hunch but they waited as Bobby went to answer the door, both boys patient and quiet until they heard a familiar voice. "Daddy!" They cried and as they leapt from their chairs, scrambling to the door.

"Hey boys," John smiled and scooped them both up, one on each arm. "How was your stay with Bobby and Karen?"

"Good, where's mommy?" Dean was quick to the important details, his face bright and hopeful.

"Mommy's resting, did you want to go see her?"

"Yes!" Cas squeaked, "Is the baby okay?"

"Yeah, and you know what?" John got all quiet, making his kids lean in close to hear. Both shook their heads, no they didn't know. "The baby came out, did you want to meet him too?"

Dean sat with his mouth slack, shock and excitement trying to get dominance in him. Castiel on the other hand was squealing with joy, "Yes, yes, yes, yes! What's the baby's name? Can I talk to him? Wait you said  _him_  or did you say  _her_? Ohohoh! Do we have a sister?"

"Hope not." Dean pouted and John laughed.

"No I said him, you have a little brother named Sammy." He knew he couldn't just go so he brought the boys back to the table, "First finish your breakfast and then we'll go."

"Okay," Dean hopped into his chair again as soon as they were put down. Castiel was a little more awkward than that, he pulled himself onto his stomach and tried to wriggle to an upright position from there. John looked over at the Singers' with a tired smile.

"Thanks again for getting the boys, I can't imagine sitting with them all night at the hospital."

"No problem," Bobby chuckled and shared a look with his wife, "We enjoyed it."

"They're angels," Karen sighed as she helped Castiel sit up properly. She pinched his cheek gently and looked back at John, "Congratulations on the new one, you have everything you need for him?"

"Of course, we had two others four years ago and I haven't been around to cleaning any of the old stuff up," John laughed at himself.

"That sounds familiar," Bobby grinned and Karen gave him a look.

"You don't have the excuse of having two young boys running around."

"That's fair," he raised his hands in defeat.

* * *

 

Soon enough John got his kids to the hospital to meet Mary, he held each by the hand as he walked through the halls. John wasn't about to let his kids roam free, especially not with their excitement so high. Both boys tugged him along eagerly, yanking relentlessly until he picked up the pace.

"C'mon daddy!" Dean tried to usher him faster but John wouldn't budge, stopping completely and grinning at the tiny struggle in front of him.

"We're here," He laughed and nodded toward the door he'd stopped in front of. Dean and Cas immediately let go of their dad and pushed into the room, rushing to Mary's bedside.

"Mommy!" Dean tried to crawl into the bed, slipping a little but ultimately keeping his balance, "I thought you were dying!" He shouted and was promptly shushed.

"Dean sweetie it's okay," Mary reassured him softly and kissed his cheek with a bit of a giggle, "I'm fine."

"Where's Sammy?" Cas popped up beside her, not even about to attempt to sit in bed with them. John rewarded this by scooping him up and sitting him down on his lap at Mary's bedside.

"Sammy's getting a check up, and once he's good we'll go home." Mary reached over and ruffled the dark hair of her son.

"When?" Dean piped in just as the door opened, a nurse walked in carrying a soft little bundle in her arms.

"Right now," John smirked and looked at the nurse, "How is he?"

"Perfect health," She smiled back and lowered the infant into Mary's waiting arms, "Little Sammy is good to go."

Dean and Castiel leaned over to look at their baby brother, Dean's face lit up while Cas' scrunched a bit.

"He's so tiny!" Dean cried excitedly, poking gently at Sammy's face.

"He's so weird looking, why's he making that face?" Cas squinted his eyes and tilted his head thinking maybe it was the angle. Nope, stilly funny looking.

"Dean don't poke your brother," John warned, "Cas, he's not weird looking he's a newborn. New babies always look like that."

"So we're keeping him?" Big green eyes shot up to look at John hopefully, quickly switching between him and Mary.

"Of course," Mary laughed and gently brushed her hand by Sammy's face. The infant had been stirring from all the noise and soon whined himself into a full cry, little arms flailing in that uncontrolled way babies did.

Dean covered his ears and promptly moved away from the sound, hopping off the bed. "Shut up, Sammy!"

Castiel climbed off of John and moved closer to his baby brother, reaching up and taking his tiny hand, "Shh," he hushed so softly and little Sammy slowed down to stop and look at the smiling face above him. "It's okay, Sammy." Cas leaned over and kissed the infant's cheek, "Welcome to our family."

John and Mary exchanged glanced, both surprised all over again. "He's gotta be a day care worker when he grows up." John joked, shaking his head.

Dean dared get close again and smiled at the now peaceful baby resting and blinking up at them. "I like him," Dean proclaimed proudly and nodded his head.

"I do too," Cas smiled bright and wiggled his fingers above Sam's head.

"Good, because he's staying regardless." John raised an eyebrow at his boys, his mouth in what felt like a permanent smile. He loved his kids.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm glad that so far there seems to be a lot of interest in this, thank you for giving kudos but most of all to the commenters. Feedback helps, please be thorough if you can. Thanks again, please enjoy and I hope to update at least once a week.


	3. 5 Years-Old: Kindergarten

_One Year Later…_

Cas sat in his baby brother's room, a box full of all kinds of generic  _Legos_  next to him. Sammy was asleep in his crib after spending most of the morning bawling and fussing.

Castiel and Dean were out with their mom, looking at the new building they'd be in for the next few months and longer. Kindergarten, their mom had called it. School – a place where you meet new people, make friends, and learn stuff. Cas couldn't say he was particularly excited to see it, it looked like a regular room. The lady showing them around said that a lot of stuff was still neatly put away, that when they'd be back there would be more stuff to do and play with.

He didn't care that much, as long as he wouldn't do it alone it was alright. His mom was there, showing them things and telling him how much fun he'd have. Dean didn't look convinced either, but at least they'd do it together.

As they'd gotten home Cas watched his dad try to pass little Sammy off to Mary, saying he couldn't get their baby to stop crying for hours now. "Maybe he's sick? Diaper's fine, he's not hungry, and trying to get him to sleep is impossible." John ran his hand through his hair and looked at the other two boys with some mild exhaustion. "How was the tour guys?"

"I don't think I'm gonna like it." Cas shrugged but hurried up to Sam's side, he could feel his skin tingle again. He understood his little brother, to some extent. Cas could feel his presence there without having to touch him, but maybe that was just the crying he was aware of. Dean told him last time it was weird and his dad said he'd seen too many movies, Cas didn't want to think that maybe it was another sense like smelling or tasting. But part of him thought that maybe yeah, it kinda was. And whatever it was it helped him figure Sammy out. "His mouth hurts."

John furrowed his brow and looked into Sam's mouth, "Lookit that, his teeth are finally coming in."

Mary relaxed and went to get some mild pain relief medication their doctor had recommended for Sammy a while back. They treated him with something cold, gave him his pacifier, and tried to get him to sleep. Mary attempted to sing and it worked for a bit but he began fussing like he had been before. John rocked him and gently spun the crib toy hanging above him, hoping the little tune it played would soothe him. It worked for a little, just like before, but soon his face scrunched and went red again as he cried.

Cas nudged Dean and hurried to their room, "Help me."

Dean frowned but followed Cas all the same, "With what?"

Castiel pulled at the large plastic container in their playroom, "I wanna play with these."

"Then play with them, why are you trying to move it? It's too heavy." Dean grumbled as he reluctantly assisted Castiel in moving the thing.

"I want to play with them in Sammy's room." Cas insisted.

"Fine but I'm not stayin' there if he keeps crying."

Their feet slid on the floor every now and then whenever their push-and-pull tactic failed. They were five; teamwork wasn't exactly part of their skillset just yet. All the same, they managed to drag the container of  _Legos_  into Sam's bedroom.

That had been an hour ago now; Sam had quieted down after the first few minutes and lay resting. John and Mary had gone to make dinner, far too used to Castiel's calming qualities to question it.

Dean wandered in again, his looked at Sam's crib and quietly sat down with Cas, "What'cha makin'?"

"Dunno yet, I think I'm going to make a big ball." He smiled and looked at Dean, "Wanna help?"

"Sure," Dean started making the second half of Cas' idea and before they knew it they had a hollow shell of a  _Lego_  ball. Dean looked it over a bit and grinned mischievously, "Wanna throw it down the stairs and see how many pieces it falls into?"

Castiel's eyes widened a bit and he nodded silently, hell yeah he did.

And that's exactly what they went to do, the two stood at the top of the stairs as they prepared to heave the thing down. It was pretty big, at least as big as Dean's head but it didn't weigh that much. "Ready?" Dean looked at him and Cas nodded.

The ball left Dean's hands and soared past all the stairs, it didn't hit a single one. It was beautiful and for a moment Cas thought maybe it was strong enough to survive the fall. It wasn't, but the result was just as glorious. There was a loud crash and pieces flew in every direction Cas couldn't keep track of them all.

"Wow," he smiled and high-fived his brother, "nice one."

"Boys!" John yelled and the two ducked away quickly. "Get down here! Dean, Cas!"

They looked at one another sheepishly but crawled back to the top of the stairs, "Yeah dad?" Dean tried to smile but John looked pretty mad.

"Clean this up, you might've woken your brother."

Cas pouted but did as he was told before his dad blew a gasket. Dean almost complained but seeing Castiel listen so easily shut him up, if Cas would do it without whining then maybe he could too.

Regardless of their attitudes, though, they couldn't find  _every_ piece. John found the last one later that night with his foot.

* * *

First day of kindergarten, Dean and Castiel stood at the bus stop with excitement and terror settled in them. Each had a backpack with snacks and other things they didn't care to remember, it'd be their first time away from mom for a whole day. Or maybe it was five hours, but regardless that was a long time for a five year old.

Mary and Sammy were there to see them off as the bus pulled up, a big yellow monster to the two boys.

"Have a good day, sweethearts! I'll be right here when you get home!" She reassured them and Castiel almost didn't go. But he followed his brother regardless, his legs feeling stiff and his heart pounding as they climbed the steps into the vehicle.

"You think it'll be okay?" Dean asked as they quietly walked to an empty seat, a bunch of other strange kids looking at them blankly.

Cas shook his head and squeezed Dean's hand tightly, "I'm scared."

Dean put his arm around Cas and held him close the whole ride as they stopped all over to pick up other kids. Neither knew the route or where exactly they were going, all they knew was that they'd wind up at school. Their mom had taken them there once to see it and introduce them to their teacher, that was like a week ago already. "It'll be okay, Cas. I'm right here." He put on his brave big brother persona; Castiel needed him so he'd be whatever he had to be.

Some adults they'd seen the first day Mary had brought them showed them to their classroom, neither boy recognized any of the other kids. Everything was new and strange. They were shown to where they could hang up their backpacks, a space of hooks right underneath a bunch of shelves they'd been told were called 'cubbies.' The two did as instructed, hanging their bags and turning to face the rest of the room. There were desks with names on them, different sections for what looked like different activities like drawing and crafts, and playing.

Castiel chewed on his fingernails as he peered around the room, the place was full of colour and light, big windows in the corner and a cool stepped sitting area circled around a single chair. "It looks fun." He whispered to Dean, still not letting go of his hand. Dean held tight as he scanned the area and lit up when he spotted where the playthings had been set up.

"Look, toy soldiers!" He exclaimed and pulled Cas along to the to area. There was another brunet sitting with the little green men, his hair a bit too long and always falling into his eyes. Cas wasn't sure they should bug him but Dean didn't have the same mindset.

"Can we play?" Dean asked as he sat down across from the other boy.

Brown eyes glanced up and he wiped the hair away though it fell right back where it had been, "Sure." The stranger replied after a moment of consideration and returned to knocking the soldiers over with a stuffed dragon.

Dean smiled and reached over to take one but the boy smacked his hand aside. "Hey -!"

"Not that one, he's dead."

Dean paused and looked at the ones that had been knocked over by the dragon, "Oh… uh," He grabbed a different one that had been standing, "this one okay?"

"He's fine I guess but I'd take this one." The other boy smiled and gave him a different guy, one he'd had off to the side. "He's the hero."

Dean grinned and traded, "What's his name?"

"Dunno, just been callin' him Private."

"Private it is," Dean glanced up at Cas then motioned for him to sit, "It okay if my brother plays?"

"Sure," the boy nodded as he grabbed a few of the soldiers and tossed them back into the bin he'd gotten them from.

Castiel sat down and looked at the little set up, "So what's your name?" He asked the stranger, figuring it was worth a shot to know.

"Jet, you?"

"I'm Dean, this is Cas." Dean quickly took over again; he liked to be the in-between guy, a buffer between Cas and strange things/people.

"Hey." Jet greeted them as he pushed his hair back again.

"You need a haircut," Cas commented and promptly received a glare from the other boy.

"No I don't, shut up."

Cas pressed his lips together and nodded, "Sorry, it looks like it bugs you."

"S'ok. It's in my eyes so it kinda does," Jet shrugged and continued to set up more soldiers around them.

"So do you not want it cut?" Dean asked next, leaning around to see past the brown strands to Jet's face.

"No… I don't know." The boy curled his lips into his mouth as he shook his head, "It's dumb anyways."

Playing didn't last very long, the teacher asked them all to clean up and head to the sitting area. It took some time, about ten minutes of dawdling but they finally all got to sit down. Dean was happy to have Cas on one side and Jet on the other, being in the middle felt right to him. As their teacher got the last of the kids to the steps Dean leaned over to Cas, "Is she supposed to be Ms. Frizzle? Her hair's too white."

Cas lit up and looked at Dean with a bright smile, "You think so? Is she?"

"I dunno but they look the same." Dean smirked before they were both called out.

"Boys, please don't talk while I'm talking, okay?" She was polite and seemed nice, Cas didn't mind her. They'd gotten a talking to by their parents before starting school; the teachers were in charge when they were away from home. Dean and Castiel both lowered their heads and muttered quick 'I'm sorry's. "Thank you, so I'm going to call out your names and when I do I want you to say 'here' and raise your hand, okay?"

The class either nodded or remained silent, either way it was assumed they got it. So she started calling out names, some of the kids didn't get the idea and she had to explain it again. Cas didn't mind the wait.

The names went in order of last names so they would be last, or at least close to it. Cas started to feel anxious as he listened. What if the teacher had forgotten him in her list? Would he be allowed to stay? If they forgot Dean? They were small worries but Cas was riddled with them as the list went on.

"Jethro Tull?"

"Here," Jet raised his hand like she'd asked before, no hesitation. "But my mom calls me Jet."

"Alright, Jet it is." She smiled at him and scribbled on her paper.

The list had to be close to over, there were barely any children left. In fact he and Dean were the last ones. She was writing on her list, maybe she couldn't find them? What if she said his name wrong if she did find him?

"Castiel Winchester?"

" **Here**!" He shouted as he stood up, his nerves had gotten the best of him and he had no idea what he was doing. He felt his skin was clammy and he'd been sweating, Dean held back a laugh and tugged at Cas' arm to sit. "Y-you can call me Cas…" he trailed off and dropped back down, his face falling into his hands as it reddened.

"Thank you, Cas. Is there a Dean Winchester?"

"Here," Dean lifted his hand casually like Jet had, holding his laughter in as best he could.

Cas thought he'd learned what it meant to be embarrassed but he didn't really know it, it just seemed like that big thing people said made them feel stupid in front of others. But it disappeared soon after, relief crept up on him and he had to enjoy it for the feeling that it was. The weight of his silly worries lifted and he wanted to remember that sensation, that little freedom was a beautiful thing.

It was that morning that Castiel truly learned to appreciate the little things, that the bad had to happen for him to do so, and that school wasn't going to be as simple as he'd originally thought. Cas assumed learning at that pace was normal, that thinking everything he did at his age was common. He never thought to question it.

* * *

The end of the day came and the Winchester boys went to get their bags, students that took the bus had to go and wait in a line until their ride showed up. Dean watched as the boy they'd just met a few hours before walked down the sidewalk, a different direction then they'd be going altogether. "Guess Jet doesn't have to bus."

"Guess not." Cas responded as he watched for the big yellow bus to show up, "Dean what if we get on the wrong one? What if it doesn't come? Maybe it goes a different way home, how will we know when to get off? What if he leaves before we can get to the door thinking maybe we're not there?"

"Calm down," Dean tried to silence his minor panic and pat him on the shoulder, just like he'd seen done in movies. "It'll be fine, freak out if it happens."

Cas didn't quite feel better about it but he shut up all the same. As expected the buses came around, parked in a specific order and the kids got onto the ones that'd be heading to their homes. Dean led him by the hand to a seat near the front, like the smaller kids were supposed to, just so Cas could calm down about not being noticed when they had to get off.

The ride seemed longer on the way home than it had on the way to school but it ended soon enough. Cas stared out the windshield until he saw their yard coming up, just on the edge of the town. Mary stood with baby Sammy in her arms, smiling and waiting for them to arrive.

"It's mom!" He exclaimed in relief, there was that feeling again as his worries slipped away from him.

They hurried off the bus and ran to her, Cas clung to her legs and held on for a few seconds as he let himself feel like he was completely safe again. "How was school, boys?" Mary smiled and knelt down to hug them, gently of course because Sammy was still with her.

"School was fun!" Dean jumped up and down a little, "Cas freaked out a bit but we're okay."

Mary looked at Cas who hadn't moved from squishing himself against her side, "Cas, what happened?"

"Nothing, I just got scared." He admitted and glanced up at her sheepishly.

"That's alright, we all do sometimes." She kissed his forehead and he squirmed into her arms a little better. "What is it?" Mary wasn't about to assume he was just a little scared, Cas didn't normally act that way.

"I don't like it," he mumbled against her.

"School? Cas you'll get used to it."

"They make us stay in a room all day! I don't like it." Cas pulled back to look at her, his face pinched with some distress. "I feel stuck."

Mary bit gently at her lip as she tried to think of something to say to that, "You didn't have fun?"

"Sometimes," he looked away, his gaze drifting over to Dean who squeezed past them to get inside the house, "We got to make some stuff, and colour."

"Why don't you give it a chance?" Mary cupped his cheek and tilted his head toward her, "You never know, you might enjoy it."

Castiel watched her smile and hesitated before he nodded, "Okay," if his mom wanted him to give it a shot then maybe he shouldn't judge it so quickly. Maybe it'd be fun? He should do it like Dean, Dean seemed like he was enjoying himself.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Birthday update! Today is June 9th and it's my birthday so I'm updating!
> 
> Also sorry for the errors with spelling/grammar/missed words that might happen in here. I don't have a beta so it's not gonna be perfect :P
> 
> Thanks again for reading guys, hope you're still enjoying it!


	4. 5 Years-Old: Playing Around

It had been a few months since they started school and in that time Cas had gotten used to it. He understood that there were some things he had to do in order to continue forward, not everything would be as he wanted it. That was fine by him, mostly because he still had time at home, time for fun and all the things he liked to do. It took some getting used to being away from home without his parents, but as he told himself everyday; Dean was there. They held hands getting on the bus every day. It didn't scare Cas anymore but he could feel that it eased Dean – he had a very protective spirit.

School had been fun after he gave it a try; the arts and crafts had been worth it on their own. Castiel loved their free time, to play with the toys or draw or even enjoy the company of the other kids. Playing 'House' wasn't something he'd ever tried before but he was wrangled into it all the same. Playing 'Doctor' however was far more fun; Cas got to perform a surgery on Dean. He even had a chance to use the heart-listener-thing.

Jet was no good at those games and Cas figured it was because he had no brothers or sisters so he didn't do it a lot. But that's what practice is for and Castiel was determined to get Jet some practice when it came to playing with others. It didn't start well; the boy had a bad temper.

"It's stupid," Jet snapped at him and Cas took a step back, not expecting the recoil from the other kid. "I don't wanna play that dumb shit."

"Jethro!" The teacher was there in a flash, like she'd been watching very intently or just had great hearing. "Watch your language, young man."

Jet blinked at her as if he were confused, "But my dad says it-"

"That's because he's a grown up, only grown ups can say stuff like that." She tried to explain to him and he pouted as he looked away. "Why don't you try playing? You might have fun." She spoke cheerfully, it sounded just like what Mary had said about school. Cas smiled, it must be good advice then.

"I don't know how," Jet looked at Cas sheepishly, his cheeks had a subtle shade of red mixed with his darker skin.

"I can show you," Castiel took his hand and tugged him over to where Dean was putting on the fake doctor coat. "Dean, Jet's playing too!"

Dean lit up with a smile, "Wanna be my victim?"

"Patient," one of the girls corrected him, Charlie she'd said her name was. "If he's your victim that means you're gonna kill him."

Jet's face scrunched up while that thought sunk in, "You wanna-"

"No! No, no, no, no!" Dean waved his hands frantically, "I'm a good doctor!"

Jet lied down on the makeshift table, "I've got lung disease," he explained and looked up at Dean, "Can you fix it?"

Castiel beamed, it wasn't much but it was a start.

* * *

With a little help from Dean, Cas managed to convince Mary to take them all to the park one weekend. Though his convincing was more like begging and being slightly annoying, it did the trick. It was still warm and they hadn't gone in a while, Mary was more than happy to take them. She called the Tull residence a day in advance, just to make sure that Jet's mother was fine with Mary taking her kid.

The voice that answered was frail at best,  _"Hello?"_

"Hi, Mrs. Tull?"

" _Yes?"_

"This is Mary Winchester, my boys are in the same class as yours," she started by saying and heard the soft laughter on the other end.

" _Yes, yes my Jet talks an awful lot about a couple of kids from school. My name's Nikki, your boys are Dean and Cas then, I suppose?"_

"That's them, I was wondering if it was okay for me to take Jet to the park this weekend with them? They really want him to come with."

" _Oh my god, that would be fantastic."_  Nikki gasped in between words and Mary had to wonder if she'd been running or exercising beforehand.  _"Jet doesn't get to go to the park very often, I would really appreciate it."_

"Great, I'm more than happy to pick him up on the way. Maybe have him ready by noon?"

" _That's fine, he'll be ready by then."_

After that Mary got the address and moved on with her day. When they stopped outside Jet's place later the next day she hadn't expected anything out of the ordinary. Dean sat in the back with Sammy's booster seat in the middle. Castiel had called shotgun so he sat proudly next to Mary as she got out of the car.

"Okay I'm going to get Jet and then we'll head to the park, you boys sit tight, alright?"

"Yes mom." Cas and Dean said simultaneously, she loved it when they did that.

Mary walked up to the front step and rang the bell. She looked around at the neighbourhood, it was definitely low-middle class at best. The houses were cheap, slightly run-down and the streets were sketchy. She made a note to not let her boys stay over in the area too late at night, assuming their friendship with Jet lasted.

The door creaked open and a brown-eyed boy looked up at her, his hair a little too long and falling into his eyes.

"Hi, are you Jet?" Mary smiled at him and he nodded.

"Yeah, are you Dean and Cas' mom?"

"I sure am." She glanced into the house from the slight crack Jet had opened it. "Can I come in for a moment? I'd just like to say hi to your mom."

"Alright," Jet smiled and hurried down a small hall, "Mom! Mrs. Winchester's here can I go?"

"Of course sweetie, have fun." Mary heard Nikki's voice, just as exhausted as it had sounded over the phone.

"Nikki?" Mary asked as she walked in and had to stop herself when she saw Mrs. Tull. The other woman looked weak and fragile like only a truly ill person could. She was laid back in a recliner with pillows and a coffee table of things she might need immediately. There were small white tubes in her nose and hooked around her ears, leading down to what Mary could only assume was an oxygen tank. This woman looked like she couldn't handle the weight of her 5-year old son in her lap, let alone take him to a park.

"Mary, thank you so much for taking him." Nikki smiled as Jet kissed her cheek goodbye.

"I'm getting my shoes, okay?" He called as he ran to the entrance.

"I had no idea you were so unwell," Mary knew she couldn't have actually  _known_  but it was something she felt maybe she should've before arriving. "How long have you been bedridden like this?"

Nikki inhaled heavily and closed her eyes; "It's been over a year now. The doctors say it's lasting damage from a case of Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome I had a few years before that."

Mary glanced toward the door where she could see Jet shoving his feet into his Velcro shoes, "I'm so sorry to hear that. If there's ever anything you need me to do, or if you need help with him just let me know." She looked back at Jet's mom and offered a smile. They had just met, barely knew one another and yet Mary couldn't help but try and lend a hand.

"Thank you, you're already doing so much."

"I'll bring him back in a few hours." Mary exchanged a quick goodbye and went to help Jet adjust his footwear. "You almost had it," she laughed and grinned at him. Jet's cheeks reddened a bit and he looked away.

"I can do it myself."

"Sorry, I just like to help." She got up and headed out the door, "Come on, you can sit in the backseat with Dean."

Jet ran to the car and reached for the door handle. He was tall enough to reach it though getting onto the seat right away was a bit of a struggle. "Hey Dean! Hi Cas!" He exclaimed energetically before pausing and staring at Sammy. "You have a  _baby_?"

"His name's Sammy," Dean explained as matter-of-factly as he could, "he's one year old."

"Wow."

"Buckle up boys," Mary turned to look at her car full of little ones, "We'll be at the park in no time."

And true to her word she got them there in ten minutes. As soon as they pulled up Dean, Cas, and Jet all opened their doors and hopped out, their levels of energy through the roof. "Stay here for a second, I have to get Sammy out." Mary yelled after them as they started running toward the play structure. Castiel stopped and looked at her, waiting patiently while the other two kept on running.

Mary unpacked Sam's stroller and got her fussy baby out of the backseat, "There you go, Sammy. It's okay," she kissed him and touched his cheek to calm him from the sudden commotion. She walked the stroller up to Castiel and nodded toward the playground, "Thank you, sweetheart. You can go play."

"Thanks mom!" Cas ran after Dean, not nearly as fast as his brother.

Jet reached out and slapped Dean's shoulder, "You're it!" he shouted as he ran to climb the links of rope leading to the center hub of the play structure.

Dean stopped and looked at Castiel who had frozen in place, no longer approaching and just watching Dean's expression. They stared at one another for only a split second though it felt three times that long. Dean took one step Cas' way and the dark haired boy shrieked before darting up the winding ramp to get away.

Mary watched the game of tag with some intrigue; she noticed some small aspects to the boys as they played. Dean was faster on a straight stretch, Jet was more agile and a bit of a monkey that way, while Cas was entirely clumsy and easily distracted. Mary laughed to herself before taking Sam to the sandbox nearby, angling herself so she was facing the three kindergarteners.

* * *

Fun and games continued until the boys were tuckered out and decided to hide from Mary, not that she hadn't seen where they'd gone of course. The three crawled underneath the structure and sat in the cool white rocks the entire thing was built on. They were smooth and chalky, and honestly pretty fun to throw. Jet picked them up and tossed them one by one just to hear the sound they made when hitting other rocks.

"So…" Jet trailed off as he tried to think of something to say, "Are you guys brothers or friends?"

"Brothers," the two said together.

"But you're the same age?"

Cas shrugged, "Sorta, I don't really get it."

"We're kinda like twins," Dean beamed, "But we don't look the same and Cas came out on a different day."

"So he was lazy?" Jet furrowed his brow, "Babies are weird, I don't get it."

Castiel didn't want to say anything to that, he wasn't as sure as Dean was about that kind of stuff. Jet was right, something was weird there but Cas thought that maybe it was just his feelings. Dean was his brother, his family, but more than that he was Cas' best friend. "Why don't you have any siblings, Jet?" He decided to ask, watching as Jet shrugged.

"Dunno. Mom can't do that kind of stuff anymore."

"What stuff?" Dean scrunched up his nose at the concept.

"I-unno! Baby stuff. How d'you get babies?" Jet snapped a little but not as much as he'd done on previous occasions.

"Love," Dean announced, "Dad told me babies happen 'cause of love."

Cas' face paled as he shook his head, "I don't wanna have babies! M'not big enough!"

Jet looked at Cas, "Who do you love?"

"Dean," he felt his cheeks heat up and he shrugged as he fidgeted and added hastily, "an' my mom an' dad, an' Sammy."

"That don't count." Jet scoffed but Dean was smiling at him. Maybe it counted a little.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and all the love you guys! As requested here's some more baby Cas and Dean fluff


	5. 5 Years-Old: Holidays

Halloween had come fast and Mary couldn't believe how cute her boys were in their tiny costumes. She'd put Sam into the baby bee suit Cas had worn when he was smaller, Dean wanted to be Batman, and so by extension Castiel dressed as Superman.

"You're all so cute," Mary took several pictures of them, little Sammy tucked in Dean's arms.

"Can we go yet?" Cas whined at her as he tugged on her pantleg.

"Not until Jet gets here," Mary had said just as the door opened. John walked in with little Jet right on his heels. The brunet had been given a sheet with holes poked into it, he was an off-white lump of a ghost. She clapped her hands once and clasped her fingers together, "Aw, Jet you're so cute."

"You don't think I look stupid?" Jet asked sheepishly, she could almost hear the blush on his cheeks it was so obvious.

"No, sweetheart." She reassured him but Cas and Dean both snorted out a laugh.

"You kinda do." Dean pointed out and Castiel laughed louder than he had anticipated.

"Shut up!" Jet shouted and hit Dean in the arm, or at least grazed him. His perception wasn't the best under that sheet, after all.

"Ow! Don't hit me!" Dean yelled back and lunged for his friend but Mary caught his cape.

"Boys, no fighting! Apologize to each other."

Both pouted and glared at the other before looking away, "No." They said.

"Apologize or we're not going trick-or-treating." John warned, sounding quite serious.

Cas gasped and the two in trouble flinched at the threat. Dean looked at Jet ashamedly, his shoulders hunched a bit as he pursed his lips and uttered the words, "Sorry I said you look stupid."

"S'okay." Jet shrugged and rubbed at his head, "I kinda do… sorry I hit you."

"It wasn't that hard," Dean grinned and they both laughed.

"Okay, that's better." John smiled and stepped away from the entrance, "Everyone pile into the car, let's get some candy!"

"Yay!" The boys cheered and bolted out the front door, pillowcases in hand for the night's candy haul.

John looked at Mary as they walked out, a slower pace than the kids. "Nikki doesn't look much better, but she doesn't seem to be doing any worse." He explained, "She was pretty emotional when I left, wanted me to thank you since you didn't come by."

Mary smiled, "Well I'm glad to help out, I've never seen his dad around but I think that's because he's always working."

"To pay for that oxygen tank and medical bills, I can only imagine how much that costs." John sighed and walked to the driver's side, "Anyway I think we're doing what we can for the kid, that counts as helping right?"

"Of course," She raised an eyebrow at him as her grin widened. Both entered the vehicle and John took them to the better neighbourhood. The areas where people have large front porches, enormous lawns, and a shitload of candy to give away. Mary thought that much candy would be bad for them but John believed that if you're going to put effort in then you might as well be smart about it; pick the place with the best payoff.

John carried Sam up to the houses while Mary ran with the three youngsters to the front doors. She didn't win the races of course, it was never meant for her to be the victor. Dean always took that title; Cas usually wound up on his face in the grass somewhere. And true to the previous year, Cas tripped again as Dean and Jet bolted to the first house. Mary helped Castiel stand again; brushing him off and telling him it was okay.

 _Knock knock_.

"Trick or treat!" Dean and Jet shouted as Cas ran up beside them to lift his bag along with theirs. The door opened and the occupant, an older woman grinned from ear to ear.

"I've got a couple superheroes and a ghost at my door, whatever shall I do?" She chided as she reached for a bowl next to her.

"Candy!" Cas cheered.

"There's one more," Mary laughed as John walked up with little Sammy.

"And what a scary little bee he is." The lady dropped a handful of candy in each boy's pillowcase, and a few small pieces into the bag John carried for Sam.

"What do you say, boys?" John ruffled Dean's hair.

"Thank you!" They ran off back to the sidewalk where they paused to look in their bags.

"What'd you get?" Cas asked as he looked up at the other two.

"I got full chocolate bars!" Dean grinned at him, "That's so awesome!"

"I can't see too good through my sheet," Jet replied, "But I think I got chocolate too."

Dean peered into his sack and nodded, "Yep."

"Come on boys! Next house, let's go!" Mary called as she crossed the lawns, egging them on to keep rushing. It didn't take much, they were far too excited to continue knocking on random doors and receiving goodies for it. Normally playing things like 'Ding-dong Ditcher Bell' would get them into trouble but not on Halloween.

About an hour and a half was spent out in the streets, the boys were exhausted and their bags had almost become too heavy to carry on their own. John called it a night before anyone got too grumpy and packed the kids back into the car. He kissed Mary on the cheek as she passed him by, "Had a good haul tonight," he grinned and looked back at the boys who all dug through their pillowcases eagerly to look at their goodies.

"Our night isn't over yet," Mary smirked and pinched John's side, "We still have to go through their candy and make sure it's safe."

"Right," he laughed and went to the passenger side, "You can drive, I'm tired."

Mary smiled to herself on the drive back to the middle-class area of town, her husband nodding off in the passenger seat, three five-year old boys overly excited for their newly acquired treasures, and an infant that mimicked his father. It had been a successful night, all she needed to do now was pop in a kiddie movie and they were set.

Jet had stayed over for the night and therefore the boys wound up camping in the living room. As much as they expected to stay up and talk, try to not sleep and all the fun slumber party things, they couldn't help it when their eyelids drooped. Castiel curled up on his side, thinking about the different costumes and creatures he'd seen that night. People dressed up as monsters or whatever else to get candy, he wondered why it was like that. Why couldn't he go any day and say 'trick-or-treat' at a person's door and get candy? And would they say no if he weren't in a costume?

The thoughts swirled in his head and slowly drifted him toward sleep when his body shuddered. One little piece of his mind wouldn't let go of the masks he'd seen, some people truly looked inhuman. "Dean," he heard himself say before he could stop it.

"Mm…" a mumbled response came from his almost sleeping brother.

"Do you think monsters are real?"

Jet snorted a laugh and Cas felt a little bit silly. "No." The other boy scoffed.

Dean opened his eyes and looked at Cas, "I don't know, do you think so?" He shoved Jet for laughing again.

Castiel was quiet for a bit and he shook his head, "I don't know, I don't want them to be."

"Have you ever seen one?" Dean asked before he yawned, his mouth falling open and staying that way for a time Cas thought could have been shorter.

"No."

"Then they're probably not real."

Cas smiled and nuzzled up closer to Dean, he felt safer there. Even if Dean's logic was terrible and monsters were real, Cas didn't care. "Goodnight,"

"'Night." Dean sighed and dropped an arm around Castiel.

* * *

Barely two months between a holiday full of candy and a holiday full of presents and other goodies wasn't enough time for John and Mary Winchester. They'd been spending most of December organizing gatherings and get-togethers and gift exchanges, Mary was starting to wonder if it really was a holiday for families. At least, that was until their annual family photo theme idea came up.

"Okay," John sat down with a smile, "As per every year we're going to dress up for photos to send out on cards. This year I think it's appropriate for the theme to be 'ugly Christmas sweaters.' What do you think?" John always tried to come up with some reason or another as to why he didn't have to wear a suit for a picture, this time it sounded like he put some thought into it.

Mary stared at him for a moment and couldn't say anything because Dean cheered him on, "Yeah! The more stupid looking the better!"

"That's my boy!" John scooped Dean up into his lap and grinned wildly at his partner, "C'mon Mary, whattaya say?"

She smirked and looked at Cas who looked like he was considering it, "What do you think, sweetheart? Ugly sweater pictures to send to grandma and grandpa?"

He pursed his lips and after a moment nodded, "'Kay but I wanna pick my own."

"Of course, we'll head over to the thrift store and see what they've got." She ruffled Cas' hair and laughed softly at the whole thing. "Who knows, if this goes well we can make this our family tradition."

John and Dean looked pleased with that line of thought though she was starting to feel like she might regret it.

As planned they scoured the thrift shop for something that would suit their theme – it wasn't all that hard to do. John discovered a green-knit sweatshirt, red trim around the collar, hem, and sleeve trims. The real kicker was the added reindeer faces, sewn on and sticking off the surface just enough to be noticeable. Mary laughed at him, which meant he had to get it.

Dean's was a light blue with snowflakes and little cartoon Santas. Similarly to John's reindeer faces, he had fabric ornament balls sewn all around him as if he were a Christmas tree - despite there being no trees on his shirt.

Castiel's was red with a tree, decorated with what looked like Christmas' vomit. It was cut-off at the top to indicate his face was the angel.

Mary chose the classic ugly sweater, the one that had too much going one; too many colours, intricate designs, characters and so forth all in odd places around the body.

They all decided that nothing could be ugly on Sam so he got what looked like a Santa jacket and as expected it was too damn cute on him.

Dressed and ready for the pictures, the Winchesters went in to the professional photography appointment. Dean scratched at his collar and grumbled to himself as he stood under the heated light, Castiel was no different. He whined and rubbed at the uncomfortable fabric, "Mom I don't like it." He mumbled.

"It's just for a few minutes, Cas." She reassured him but the few minutes it took their photographer to set them up was already way too much time. As the shutter went off Castiel was pulling his sweater over his head and everyone but John reacted. It didn't matter how many times they tried to take a new photo, Cas wouldn't put his shirt back on and none of them portrayed their family well enough without it seeming creepy.

So that year they sent out cards with the photo of Castiel disrupting the entire process, except for John. Merry Christmas from the Winchesters!

* * *

****


	6. 8 Years-Old: Grade 3

_Three years later_

"Mom I don't want to go today," Cas pouted at Mary as she adjusted his backpack and stuffed his lunch bag inside.

"Sorry hun, you're going." She ruffled his hair and pulled him into a hug, leaving a kiss on his cheek as she pulled away.

Dean ran up to her to get his hugs and kisses too, smiling from ear to ear. "Love you, mom!"

"I love you too," she slipped Dean's lunch into his bag as she hugged him and kissed his forehead, "Be good today."

"I'm always good!" Dean protested with the tone she knew he used when he was lying.

"Of course," Mary pat him on the head and looked back at Castiel who was frowning pretty hard. "Cas, it's the first day of grade 3, you'll have fun I promise."

"I don't like the first day." Castiel mumbled and kicked at the floor. "It's all cramped."

"I'll be there, it's okay." Dean smiled at him and took his hand, "C'mon Cas! We're gonna miss the bus." He dragged his brother out the door without giving him a chance to protest; Cas could barely keep up with legs slightly shorter than Dean's.

"Have fun boys!" Mary called after them and watched from the door as they hurried to the end of the driveway.

Cas stumbled to a stop next to Dean and heaved out a weighty breath, "Why are you so excited to go? You hated school when we finished grade 2."

Dean grinned at him and looked down the road excitedly waiting for the bus, "Well we get to see friends, right?"

"You mean Jet? We saw him last week, though."

"But that was  _last week_."

Castiel's upper lip pulled tight in a slight grimace but he didn't say anything. He was jealous of Dean's excitement, Dean wanted to go back, he'd have fun but Cas couldn't bring himself to feel the same. At least that's what he thought it was from. The idea that he was jealous because Dean was so excited to see Jet was stupid, Cas never felt as if he were stupid so that couldn't possibly be it.

The two climbed onto the bus as they did for the last years, it had lost its marvel after the first few weeks of Kindergarten. Cas sighed and leaned his head against the window as he watched the world outside fly past him.

"What's up with you?" Dean furrowed his brow at him, as if sensing his distress. "You loved school last year."

"I don't know," Castiel looked at his brother with pinched eyebrows, "The first few days are always so hard." His gaze drifted back to the outdoors, the sky above him. "I miss being outside when it's early. I miss playing when I want to. I miss being free."

Dean was quiet for a bit, Cas figured he had nothing to say.

"Can I help?"

Castiel turned back to Dean and tilted his head in slight confusion but he didn't address aloud how odd it was for Dean to actually care. Of course Dean  _cared_  about him but when it came to something so frivolous? Cas thought Dean would find it silly that he felt that way, but the concern in his brother's eyes gave him another angle. "Yeah, but I don't know how."

"I'll think of something." Dean decided and sat with that look of determination Cas always liked.

* * *

The bus arrived and everyone was wandering around their homeroom, talking to classmates they hadn't seen over the summer. Dean held Cas' hand again and walked him through the room to where he'd spotted Jet. The other boy sat on the top of one of the desks, his legs dangling off as he talked to some of the other students. Dean recognized them better now but he wasn't always so great with names. Cas was though, he remembered most things; Charlie, Benny and Garth, he remembered them well.

"Jet!" Dean called and the other kid's gaze snapped up immediately.

Jet grinned, his entire expression lighting up at the sight of them and he hopped off his desk to greet them. "Hey!" he went right up to them and caught Dean's open hand. They went through a quick 'secret handshake' they'd made up over the summer, Jet's hand seamlessly switched to Cas' to do the same. "You guys came just in time, I was saving your seats."

"Thanks," Castiel smiled at him and looked over at the chairs near the one Jet had been at. He'd left a bag and a sweater on them; as everyone knows that's as good as any 'Reserved' sign.

Class started up as most others; role calls and talking about what they did during the summer. Cas found that either most other kids didn't care to say or they really did nothing all summer. Maybe it was weird to say too much? The teacher called a name and another student would give one or two things they did as examples and then they'd stop. Cas fidgeted and chewed on the inside of his cheek. What if maybe it was important to the class to say more? He hadn't ever had that teacher before; he didn't know how this class worked.

The role call continued as Castiel fretted to himself.

"Jethro Tull?"

"It's Jet," the boy replied loudly and Mr. Caplan corrected himself.

"And what did you do this summer, Jet?"

Jet shrugged and chewed lightly on the inside of his cheek, at least Cas could see that he didn't so much enjoy being put on the spot either. "I saw some friends, took care of my mom. I didn't do much."

"Castiel Winchester?"

Cas felt his nerves wracking up like they always did in the first few days of school and he couldn't stop himself from exclaiming the news of his summer adventures. "We went camping this summer! There were lots of other people there and we got to swim in a lake, Dean got sunburned but I was okay. Our little brother Sammy is too small to swim alone so our mom stayed with him in the shallow area while dad played with Dean and I. I got to see a giant turtle but it was a snapper so I couldn't go too close to it." He paused for a second to take a breath and try to calm down but he couldn't, he was nervous. "Mom took us to the park a lot and I tried to tell her to get us a dog but she said no. Dean doesn't like dogs but Sam was on my side so I thought maybe she'd change her mind but she says it's too much responsibility and-"

"Castiel," Mr. Caplan interrupted and he stopped, eyes wide as he stared at the new teacher. "That's enough, thank you."

"Okay," Cas fidgeted some more and looked down again, his eyes drifted over to Dean who offered a smile of condolences.

"Dean Winchester?"

"I did most of the same stuff as Cas, but I didn't get to see the turtle." Dean left it simply at that; Cas was envious of his calm.

Their first day of grade 3 and already Cas wanted to crawl out a window. He hoped he'd adjust like he had the last three years, and if he did he hoped he did it soon.

They started in with some writing practice, they had to answer a sheet of questions and hand it in. Cas let himself be distracted by the task at hand and tried to forget the embarrassment.

When lunchtime rolled around Mr. Caplan called Castiel out to the hall. Cas' body went stiff as he got up and followed his teacher, a quick glance shot Dean's way where his brother was waving him on. How could he be in trouble already? Was talking that much at role call that bad? Maybe he'd done his work wrong?

"Castiel, are you alright?"

Cas nodded quickly, "Yes sir," he bit his lower lip and fidgeted with his hands a bit more, he tended to do that a lot. "Am I in trouble? What'd I do?"

"You haven't done anything, but I need to know something about you. You're different from the others, something special." He knelt down and Cas couldn't find it in himself to run, he could only stand and stare as his teacher grinned at him. His tone was strange and Castiel's skin tingled in a way he didn't like. It was scary, his heart jumped into his throat, he couldn't explain it.

"I'm not different," Castiel tried to correct him but Mr. Caplan chuckled and shook his head.

"You're not like a normal kid," he leaned in close to Cas' face and for a second the boy thought his teacher's eyes had gone completely black. "I've been waiting for something like you to come along."

Cas stepped away but it didn't seem to matter, Mr. Caplan leaned in closer, he had a long reach and Castiel couldn't escape from it. His heart started to pound in his chest and he felt his knees go weak. "Leave me alone, please." He swallowed nervously and closed his eyes when his teacher leaned up toward his ear. Castiel felt something; he could feel something wrong about his teacher. It was dark and heavy and the cause of the awful wrenching in his stomach.

It smelled bad. Mr. Caplan smelled terrible, like an old matchbox. Cas let out a strained squeak as his teacher didn't back off or do anything for far too long.

"Do you wanna play?" The man whispered and it made Cas' skin crawl.  _"Pretty little angel?"_

"Stop!" Castiel shrieked and pulled away. He stumbled but managed to run back into the classroom and right to Dean's side.

"Cas?" Dean looked a bit startled and Cas couldn't find words to explain himself. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

He nodded. Why did he nod? "I don't know." His words tried to correct the wrong action of his body; he wasn't okay. He was scared – he wanted to go home.

Mr. Caplan walked in composed and normal as ever, but he kept an eye on Castiel all the same. Everyone was casually eating their lunches in the classrooms; the school was too small to have a cafeteria big enough for the elementary kids. Cas wished they had one though, he'd be surrounded by a bunch of random kids in a big room and he wouldn't have to be so near his teacher.

"Cas?" Dean touched his shoulder and Castiel flinched, "What happened?"

"I don't like him," Cas whispered and tried to take a deep breath. "I wanna go home," the following words came out more as a gasp and lost all strength.

"It'll be okay," Dean reassured him and pulled him into a hug, "It's just the first day. You'll get used to it, alright?"

Cas clung to his brother and watched Mr. Caplan over Dean's shoulder; his heart didn't stop hammering.

* * *

Mary rested on the couch in the late afternoon, two of her boys were still at school and John was out working. Sammy sat at her feet with a sketchbook she'd gotten for him and some crayons, his little hands barely grasping the coloured wax in a way that was usable. He was so small and it kind of made her smile, her runt of the litter, as it was.

As much as she had wanted to practice on her guitar or maybe write some more of that novel she's been working on, she'd noticed the house needed a lot of work. Sometimes she got a little anal-retentive with how her home looked, the lawn needed mowing so she did it. The fence should've been repainted ages ago and since John couldn't do it between work and spending time with the kids she decided that she'd have to. So she did and it had been a big surprise for her. Sam helped her out, they both put on old clothes that didn't matter anymore and she went outside with her youngest. With brushes in hand and buckets of the off-white paint that they'd need the two got to work. Sam spent plenty of time trying to do as mommy did, dunking his brush into the pail haphazardly and splashing the white stuff all over the grass.

Mary didn't mind the mess; Sam was having far too much fun for her to complain about any of it. He stopped more often than she did, sitting down a little ways away to play with a butterfly or just pull grass. She had to say that it was days like that that she cherished most with her kids. The little things she'd remember, like how Sam got more paint on himself than the fence, or how the simplest bug could distract him and send him into a state of wonderment. It reminded her of when Dean and Castiel were infants, how Cas was so enthralled with every living thing and how Dean maliciously loved to squish them.

The painting had to end though, and clean up was harder than the actual work she'd done. Mary had managed to wash Sam until he was almost sparkling clean, most of herself as well. She'd have to wait for John or the boys to get home to take a proper shower but that was fine by her.

And then "Mom! Hey mom!" Dean ran into the living room excitedly, promptly ruining his mother's quiet time. Though it was after 4 so she should've known her kids would be back soon.

"Hey Dean, how was school?" She smiled warmly at him, pulling herself upright to look a little less tired.

"Good," Dean grinned and pointed toward the door, "We brought Jet over!" He beamed and she had to let out a sigh. She'd told him so many times already.

"Dean, sweetie that's great but next time you have to ask, okay?" She smiled again and brushed her hand over her 8 year-old's hair.

"Okay, sorry." Dean looked away sheepishly but lit right back up when he saw Sammy on the floor, colouring away in his little book. "What'cha drawing Sammy?" He asked, dropping down and leaning over. Sam looked at him, embarrassed and a little shy he moved the picture in front of Dean, eager but nervous about the reaction. The picture was a bunch of scribbles that made absolutely no sense and Dean couldn't make them out but he smiled and nodded all the same. "Looks pretty cool to me." He ruffled his little brother's hair similarly to how Mary had done his, smiling at Sam's laughter.

Castiel stood in the entrance with Jet, watching Sam and Dean quietly. It always seemed so odd to him, his relationship with Dean was different than Dean's relationship with Sam. Cas couldn't put his finger on it but there was just something else he didn't understand. It bothered him. Then again a lot of things were bothering him right then.

Mary looked over at them and gave their guest a quick wave, "Hello Jet."

"Hi Mary!" Jet grinned and waved back, at least twice as energetic as she had been. He leaned down to untie the other shoe like he'd been doing when she interrupted, though this time Cas used him as a balance to do the same with his footwear. The other boy made a face at Castiel but the Winchester boy could only smile in return. "I'm not your personal balance post,"

"Sorry," Cas laughed and stopped leaning against his friend to let Jet straighten up again. He felt better at home, he was safe there. People he knew were there, his mom, his brothers, Jet, and in an hour his dad would be too. It was home, it was safe.

"S'ok." Jet shrugged off his jacket and was about to drop it where he stood when he remembered that the Winchester rules were different than his.

"How was school, boys?" Mary asked them as she went to retrieve a hanger for their coats, handing one each to Cas and Jet.

"It was okay," Cas shrugged as he took some care in how he put his coat onto the metal wire, he was doing it again. It wasn't okay, what compelled him to say it was? "Except Mr. Caplan was weird…" He added as another correction.

Mary didn't like the tone of his voice, she looked back at the entrance as Castiel wandered into the kitchen. She followed him, "Weird how?"

Cas spun suddenly and wrapped his arms around her legs, his face buried against her and small hands gripping her pants tightly. He took a shaky breath and sniveled, trying to get ahold of himself. He was safe. He was with his mom,  _he was safe_.

"Cas, what's wrong sweetheart?" Mary carefully knelt down and pulled Castiel into her arms to hug him properly.

"I don't wanna play with him." Cas sobbed and Mary felt her heart nearly stop and jump into her throat at the same time.

"With who?"

"Mr. Caplan." He looked up with tears running down his face. "I'm scared mommy, I don't like him."

She calmly wiped away Cas' tears gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, "What does he play?"

"I don't know, I ran away," he rubbed his eyes and inhaled again, still uneven.

"Did he touch you?"

"No," Cas shook his head; he could feel his nerves eating away at him again. Words didn't come in a particular order; he just ended up talking and saying whatever came to his head. "I mean sort of. He was just really close, he smelled bad and he was creepy. He called me a 'pretty little angel' and whispered in my ears and I don't wanna go back! I don't wanna go anymore!" He wailed hysterically and Mary held him tightly.

"We'll get this sorted out, okay?" She kissed his cheek and rocked him gently back and forth to calm him down.


	7. 8 Years-Old: Are Monsters Real?

" _I'll call the police right now."_  John had said over the phone right before hanging up, his voice a mixture of boiling rage and attempted calm. Mary put the phone down and rested her hand on top of her child's head; Castiel had quieted down and closed his eyes as he relaxed against his mom.

Dean and Jet had peered into the room to see what was happening, neither sure of what Cas could be so distraught over. Dean rushed in all the same, "Is Cas okay?" He asked urgently, big eyes staring at his mom as he tugged at her shirt.

"Your brother went through a bad situation with a teacher," She explained carefully, "Did you see anything?"

"No… Mr. Caplan called Cas into the hall when lunch started." Dean trailed off; his eyes flickered with anger at the thought that he hadn't done anything to help. "Is that when? Did he hurt you? Cas why didn't you say anything?"

Castiel bit his lip and shook his head, "I did!"

"Telling me you don't like him doesn't count!" Dean shouted back and Mary gave him a scolding look.

"Stop it, both of you. Dean, you and Jet can go play with Sammy okay?"

Dean opened his mouth to protest but Jet grabbed his hand, "C'mon," the other boy insisted and Dean begrudgingly listened.

"What happens now, mom?" Cas asked softly.

"Your dad's calling the police, so now hopefully we figure out what's going on." She kissed his forehead and ruffled his hair like she always did.

That night the adults were talking and doing things but Dean didn't want to bog Cas down with whatever it was. Instead they played Go Fish with Dean's cards. Jet had already gone home and Sam tried to join though he didn't get things quite right as often as he would've liked.

An hour or so into their games Mary and John walked in with some police officers. Cas stared up at them but felt nothing odd about the male and female law enforcers, not like he'd felt before with his teacher. The two smiled at him and he felt like it was okay to smile back, so he did. Moments later he was alone with them but he didn't feel scared, they were nice people, he could tell.

"Hi," the lady said first, "I'm Jody, this is my partner Edgar. What's your name young man?"

"Castiel," he said quietly and smiled shyly at her.

She smiled back, "That's quite the mouthful, do you have a nickname?"

"Dean calls me Cas,"

"Do your parents call you that too?"

He fidgeted and nodded, "Sometimes, when they're not mad at me."

She nodded back and he saw her face get serious. "So Cas, can you tell me the name of your teacher?"

"Mr. Caplan,"

"And what happened today?"

Cas bit his lower lip and shrugged, "I don't know."

Edgar offered a smile too and a subtle gesture for him to go on, "Maybe start from the beginning. What happened at the beginning of the day?"

He looked up without tilting his head, glancing through his lashes at the male cop. He wasn't sure where to start, the beginning of the day was when he woke up but he didn't think that's what Edgar meant. "Uhm… well me and Dean got on the bus, I didn't wanna go to school but mom said I had to. Jet was there and some other kids I haven't seen in a while." He shrugged again and rubbed at his arms nervously.

"It's okay, take your time." Jody assured him and he did. Cas took a deep breath and stayed quiet for at least five minutes before he went on. The two across from him were patient; they didn't pressure him or look at each other like they wanted him to hurry up. It was comfortable; he sighed lightly again and nodded as he felt ready.

"At lunch Mr. Caplan asked me to go into the hall with him, I thought I was in trouble. He asked me if I was okay, then he said I was special. He said he was waiting for something like me and when he leaned in really close to my ear he asked me to play with him." Castiel felt himself shaking and he wanted his mom, his dad, and Dean there with him. As safe as he felt with the police officers it could erase that awful feeling Mr. Caplan left him with. "He called me a 'pretty little angel.'"

"And then what happened?" Edgar pushed a little when Cas stopped.

"Nothing. I ran away from him."

"Did he say anything else? Did he touch you in a bad way?" Jody was very gentle as she asked him, careful to keep that safe feeling.

"Not really, but he made me feel bad. I could feel he wasn't a good person, something was wrong with him." Cas curled his lips in to pinch them lightly with his teeth, "What's gonna happen?"

"Well that's why we're here, to figure out what he did and find out what'll happen next." Jody reassured him calmly, "But for now we're not sure yet."

"Okay," Cas nodded and nervously chewed on the inside of his cheek.

Jody and Edgar stayed to ask a few more questions but generally that was the end of it. Cas walked back to sit down with Dean and Sam, the Go Fish game where he'd left off but he couldn't remember who had what.

"Wanna keep playing?" Dean asked him innocently but Cas knew why he was doing it. An attempt to cheer him up or get his mind away from their teacher. It didn't matter why Dean did it, Cas appreciated the gesture.

"Thanks but no." He pointed to the TV, "wanna watch something?"

"Yeah!" Dean ran to set it up; Cas pretended he couldn't hear the police talking to John and Mary.

"It's certainly suspicious," Jody had said, "We'll investigate further, do some background checks and speak with Mr. Caplan directly."

"At the moment we don't have much," Edgar admitted.

"Cas?" Dean tugged at Cas' sleeve and drew his attention back to him.

"Sorry, I guess I was daydreaming." Castiel smiled quietly and looked at the screen as it came to life, "What'd you put in?"

"Titanic." Dean grinned and crawled onto the couch beside Cas and Sam. "Second tape."

"Of course," Cas laughed and leaned back, nothing like something familiar to bring him back to earth.

Come the movie's end Mary walked into the room, "Alright boys, it's bedtime." She picked Sam up and ushered the other two to the bathroom to brush their teeth. Cas stared at himself in the mirror while they did it, his brush pushed into his mouth and making a mess with too much toothpaste. Dean looked the same as him, the suds-ed up paste around his lips and making him look deranged, mouth hung open to get to the back teeth that needed it just as much as the front. Sam looked the same as him, spitting into the sink and having to do it more than once to get everything out.

His brothers were the same as him. He wasn't different. He rinsed his mouth with the same wash the others did, it tasted awful and he made the same scrunched faces as them. He was the same. They were all special; everyone was special in their own way.

But Cas was the same.

They walked toward their bedrooms but Castiel couldn't do it, he followed Dean quietly and waited by the door until his brother noticed him standing there. "Can I sleep here?" He asked, his hands together as his fingers fidgeted around one another.

Dean's face brightened a bit as he nodded, "Of course, like when we were little."

Cas ran over to Dean's bed and crawled into it, under the covers first and up to the pillow where he nuzzled in close to his brother.

Mary walked in looking a little worried until she noticed Cas snuggled in with Dean. Relieved that Cas might be able to sleep well that night, she went to tuck them in. Leaving sweet kisses on their foreheads as John walked in, smiling and motioning down the hall, "Sammy's sleeping like a rock." He went to give his kids quick kisses on the cheek, "Good night boys."

"'Night dad," Dean beamed up at him.

"'Night." Cas repeated, his eyes already closed as sleep crept up on him.

Their parents left them, lights turned off and door partially open. Cas sighed softly and pressed his face against Dean, "Thanks," he smiled and nuzzled his brother, "I love you."

"You too," Dean was nearly asleep already, barely conscious enough to speak straight. But that was okay; Cas was too tired to really care. He felt the weight of sleep and it was a comfort, he drifted into it willingly and dared not open his eyes again.

But he did. Hours later, in the middle of the night he heard a sound. Cas moaned softly and lifted his gaze to the digital alarm clock as it flashed 3am, like the power had gone out or something. He rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up. He could feel the room, he could feel Dean next to him and nothing seemed out of sorts. At least not immediately; there was a draft and the chill wouldn't leave him. Cas shuddered and looked around the room, something unsettling about it made him want to wake Dean. He nudged his brother and whispered, "Dean?" He had no idea why he whispered when he wanted to wake someone up but that's how they did it on TV.

Dean only groaned and rolled over, his head facing the wall as he wanted no part of Cas' antics at that hour. Cas however had other things on his mind. His heart pounded harder and harder the more he realized what about the room was scaring him.

The window had somehow swung open, curtains flowing gently, barely blocking an odd shadow in the corner of the room. "Hello?" Cas' voice was shaking as he addressed the figure, praying that it was his imagination.

And then it moved.

"Who's there?" Cas had no idea where the strength to speak came from, but he'd had it.

"Castiel, sweetheart," it was his teacher.

The stuttering and stammering started, Cas couldn't get out the man's name. "Why are you in my room?" he squeaked and gripped the blankets tighter, his hand reaching back and shoving at Dean a bit harder.

"I had to see you again to be sure, you really are a sweet little angel, aren't you?" His face twisted into a grimace-like grin, his eyes were so dark Cas thought they were black. But that couldn't be true.

"Don't call me that." Castiel whispered, "I'm not anything."

Caplan's face contorted and he stumbled to the bedside as he hissed,  _"Yes you are! You have to be the angel! You have to-"_  his face started to peel back and almost rot away into something far more wretched.

Castiel shrieked and Dean jolted upright – his first instinct to kick at the intruder's throat. Caplan growled as he shambled back. He meant to lurch forward again but the door slammed open right where he stood, knocking him gracelessly to the floor.

"What the hell?!" John bellowed as he realized why his kids were screaming at that hour. The not-so human teacher snarled at him and lunged, catching John's arm and hurdling them both into the hall.

Castiel continued to scream, swatting at Dean as he attempted to console him. "Get away! Get away from me!"

"Cas! Cas it's me!" Dean moved past Castiel's flailing arms and held him down, "It's okay," He insisted gently, their faces close as Dean pressed down on him until Castiel stopped moving. "I've got you, it's okay."

"Dean…" Cas whimpered, tears rushing down his cheeks and back into his hairline, "Dean his face… his face!" he pulled at Dean until his brother leaned down to hug him. And that was all Dean could do, just hold his brother still as Cas wailed uncontrollably.

Sam scurried into the room and crawled into the bed, snuggling up close as the awful sounds of a fight roared outside, all of it ending several minutes later with a loud crash of a shotgun firing. Dean pulled Sam and Cas as close as he could, watching the door to see who the victor had been.

Mary ran in seconds later, tears on her face and a scar on her cheek from what looked like a clawed hand. She gathered up her boys, "Are you okay?" She was out of breath, taking their faces in her hand one by one to look them over, "Are you hurt?"

"No, mommy," Sam mumbled quietly, speaking for all three it seemed because Cas couldn't do anything other than cry and Dean could barely shake his head in response. "Why was he here? Did daddy shoot him?" Sam asked, big eyes watching his mom's face.

"That was a bad man, Sammy," Mary worded carefully, "He was here for bad reasons and your dad scared him away." She then checked on Cas, wiping his tears away, "Cas? Look at me, are you alright?"

Castiel whined as he tried to stop himself from crying but he nodded, "I'm… I'm not hurt."

"Thank god," Mary kissed his forehead and then the other two.

John walked into the room; his pajama pants stained red and his torso a mess of scratches and blood. "Cops are on their way," he sat down on the edge of the bed; Sam crawled to him and hunkered down in his lap. John dropped his arms around his youngest and looked at the other two, "Did he say anything to you?"

Cas nodded, he felt his strength returning to him slowly. Though shaken he could speak much better now, "He didn't make any sense... what happened to his face? Was he sick?"

"Very." John nodded and ruffled Castiel's hair, "You okay, kiddo?"

"I think so, I'm scared."

"We all are," John sighed and looked at Dean, "Did he touch you?"

"I'm okay, dad." Dean assured him and tried to cuddle up close to both his parents, but mostly Cas. He hadn't ever seen his brother freak out like that before.

The Winchesters waited together until the police arrived. That night was a sleepless one as questions were asked and all answers made them sound kind of crazy. But no one could argue with how Caplan looked, his face was distorted and monstrous, his eyes blank and solid black. John didn't think he'd believe it either without having seen it.

Castiel watched the officers as they discussed amongst one another about the situation. Officer Jody was there and so was Edgar but they were the only ones he recognized. He could feel their intent, good-natured people mixed with bad and the ones that had nothing to offer. Neighbours gathered along the sidewalk and looked out their windows, none spoke to him. He could sense them too, curious and remorseful but with no words to express. He felt comforted by their good wishes, or at least most of them. There were a few who were hoping for a disaster of some kind, Castiel couldn't understand those types of people.

"Cas?" Officer Jody addressed him before kneeling down next to him. "Daydreaming again?"

He tried to smile at her, "Sort of, I can feel everyone's sympathy. It really helps."

Jody's expression pinched for a moment but she corrected it, "You mean you can tell they're sorry for what happened?"

"Yeah, I can feel it."

Jody came to the conclusion that Cas was just very aware of others' emotional states, and that he had words like 'sympathy' in his 8 year-old vocabulary. Either he was a smart kid or she just underestimated children. "Well I'm glad it's helping, did you want to talk about it?"

Cas pursed his lips and looked over at the small crowd gathered on the street past four in the morning, "Why do some people want bad stuff to happen?"

Of course he asked the difficult questions, Jody adjusted her hat and shrugged, "Who can say? Some people are just twisted like that."

"Does that make them bad people?"

"Not all the time, if someone acts on it  _then_  they're bad."

Cas nodded and looked over to where his parents were being questioned, "What happens now?" He asked her again, thinking maybe she knew the answer this time.

"Your mom and dad are going to be taken to the station so we can talk to them without all these people watching," Jody explained politely and kind. Cas appreciated her. "That might take a while so we'll be dropping you boys off at a friend's place, okay?"

"Okay." Castiel walked over to Dean and Sam, neither of them looked terribly comfortable. Sam clung to Dean, tiny hands clutching the cotton of his brother's shirt while Dean supported Sam's weight to the best of his ability. They were sitting on the back of a vehicle, Cas didn't care to note more than the fact that it had flashing lights.

"Did they say anything?" Dean asked softly.

Cas was going to answer but their parents approached, officers not too far away. "Boys," John knelt next to Cas while Mary sat on the edge of the truck Dean and Sam were perched on. "Your mom and I have to go with the police right now, they'll be dropping you off at Bobby and Karen's, okay?"

"Why?" Sammy demanded, tears welled up in his eyes.

"Because there are too many people out here," Cas explained what Jody had told him, "They need to talk secretly."

Sam frowned but didn't push it; he turned and buried his face against Dean instead. Dean placed a hand on the back of Sam's head and looked up at his mom, "Come get us soon, okay?"

"We'll be back before you know it." Mary kissed his forehead and leaned down to kiss Sam too.

Castiel hugged John, "Don't be scared, daddy." he whispered.

John wrapped Cas up in his arms and rested his head gently against his son, "What makes you think I am?" He smiled a bit and leaned back to look at Cas better.

"I can feel it." Castiel touched John's chest, palm flat against it. "I'm sorry you got hurt."

"Don't be sorry, kiddo." John smirked, "I can take it, I'm just glad you didn't."

Moments after that their parents were taken away in separate cars while the three Winchester boys were escorted to the Singer's residence. Karen was there waiting in the doorway, dressed in a nightgown and housecoat wrapped tightly around her. She ran over and hugged them close; Cas didn't like how hysterical she was. She was scared and worried, it stressed her out and he didn't like it.

"It's okay," he said to her, attempting to ease the anxiety. "Nothing happened to us, don't be sad please."

Karen cupped his cheeks and smiled at him, "I can't help it, I love you boys."

Despite what she said, she had calmed down. Karen didn't know if it was because Cas was right and the boys were fine or if it was something else. He was a very soothing soul to be around, she counted her blessings all the same. Everyone was alright.

Dean and Cas shared the same bed as they had the last time they'd stayed over, this time Sam was snuggled up between them. Castiel's back was against the wall and he could see Dean's face in the moonlight from the window. "Dean," he whispered when he felt Sam's light breathing, "Do you think monsters are real?"

Dean was quiet but Cas could see his eyes were open, "Dunno, do you think so?"

"I don't want them to be…"

The look on Dean's face told Cas that he remembered that conversation, or at least part of it. "Have you seen one?"

Castiel was quiet this time and he bit his bottom lip, his mind could only go back to that expression and how he'd seen a face rot away in seconds. "I have."

Dean propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over Sam to kiss Cas' nose, "Well I don't think they're real, and if they are I'll keep you safe."

Cas smiled and buried his face into his pillow, "Thanks Dean."

"You're welcome." Dean grinned and dropped back onto his side of the bed. "Goodnight."

"'Night."


	8. 8 Years-Old: Lighten Up

John and Mary had exited the station early the next morning and went to pick up their boys from the Singer residence. They had to go home to get their car first, but that didn't take long. John rubbed at his eyes tiredly as Mary drove the Impala up the bumpy driveway. They were both quiet the entire ride back, no charges were made against them and John would likely be off on self-defense at the very worst. Mary glanced at her husband worriedly; John hadn't said anything more than a grunt or two to her gentle questions. More and more she thought he was recalling his time serving, and that only led her to think about PTSD.

They slowed to a stop and she put it in park, however as Mary turned the car off John spoke up; "That man wasn't normal." He muttered and looked over at her, bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. "His face was contorted and sunken like some kind of monster." John looked as though he was worried, scared that she wouldn't understand. "They asked me about it, about why his face was so mutilated and I didn't have an answer."

Her expression softened and she cupped his cheek gently, soothing him. "Whatever you saw, however real it was, you got rid of it. You did everything right, John. Okay?" Mary leaned over and kissed him, noting his jaw was trembling slightly as she did. "It's alright now," she whispered as she leaned back, smiling at him. "We're safe."

John reached up and held her hand that had rested on his face while he closed his eyes, a smile coming to his lips. "Thank you, Mary." He sighed and nuzzled her hand once, "You and the boys are everything to me, I just-"

"I know." She kissed him again and curled her fingers tighter around his, "Now come on, let's go get them."

Inside, Sam sat in Dean's lap snuggled in close as The Lion King movie played on the television. The rumble of the Impala wasn't terribly obvious over the soundtrack of the film, but Cas could feel their presence approaching. It was soothing, familiarity and comfort etched into their existence. It was an odd feeling; he had thought so numerous times before he had gone to the front door to wait for his mom and dad. It tingled in his mind and made his skin feel prickly, or at least what he thought was his skin. It didn't show up like goosebumps did, more so it was beneath his flesh and flowed with his blood. He didn't question it much more than usual; something was telling him his dad needed him.

The doorbell rang and Cas went to it, as soon as the door opened John was met with Castiel's embrace. "It's okay, dad." He muttered into his father's pant leg.

John's heart skipped as he knelt down and scooped Castiel up into his arms, returning the hug. "How are you doing, Cas?" He asked as he rubbed his kid on the back.

"Better," Castiel responded honestly, "What did the police say?"

"Nothing important," Mary kissed his cheek and walked into the house, greeting Karen with a smile.

Dean and Sam ran over and did the same thing Cas had done except this time plastered to Mary's legs. "Mommy!" Sam cried and clutched at her clothing until she picked him up. He pushed his face against her and refused to let go.

Mary sighed and ruffled his hair gently, "It's alright now, sweetheart." She soothed him, "we're going to be okay."

"What was wrong with his face?" Cas asked as John stood up, his boy still tucked in his arms.

"He was sick," John answered him calmly, and looked up to where Bobby and Karen had approached. "Thanks for watching the boys."

"Not a problem at all," Bobby smiled half-heartedly, "Everything gonna work out for you guys?"

"Yeah, they might call on us for more questions later but it looks like we're good."

Castiel frowned as his dad went on to a new conversation, mostly avoiding his question. "Dad," Cas nudged him and John turned to look at fervent blue eyes. "His face was normal when he came into the room."

John seemed to freeze up at that, his throat moved as he swallowed past a growing lump, "Is that so?"

He nodded, "He was normal but then it got all scary and… I don't know… it looked like a monster."

"I saw his face after," John told him; he wasn't sure why he told Cas that. Part of him wanted his son to know he wasn't alone and he wasn't crazy, maybe that was because John felt a little that way. "It was very scary, I don't know what was wrong with him but that doesn't matter anymore, alright?" He smiled as reassuringly as he could without appearing fake. "He's gone now."

Cas hugged him again and nodded his head one more time. "Okay."

John and Mary took their boys home after that, they didn't want to burden Bobby and Karen with all of that strange business. They walked into their house, the place had been mostly cleaned but there were still traces of the fight that'd happened previous. Castiel was silent as he stepped inside, his heart pounding in his chest while his mind raced. This was where a man turned into a monster; this room was where he'd died. Blood would stain their couch and rugs forever, he wasn't sure he could erase the imagery from his head. But maybe he shouldn't try to, it was over and a memory now. His mom and dad were okay, his brothers were unharmed, and he was still alive. A sick man passed away but Cas didn't want to forget him, and yet he didn't want to fear it anymore either.

To do this he distanced himself from it and looked at the event from an alternate perch. To see it as it was –a small moment in his life- was surprisingly simple. Castiel exhaled lightly and let go of the feelings, the anxiety and animosity he would have felt.

This process took him six months, in that time he slept in Dean's bed and tried to hide nightmares that wouldn't quit. Every night for six months he woke screaming, or crying, or scared enough he had to run to his parents' bedroom. Every night he woke Dean and his mom and dad, no one but Sam managed to sleep peacefully. But as soon as his mind lightened and drifted from that memory he escaped the awful dreams.

The first morning without a sudden wake-up, Castiel went down to breakfast, a smile on his face as he struggled to get into his chair. Almost nine years old and still he couldn't do it easily, Mary assisted the clumsy boy and kissed his cheek, "How'd you sleep last night, sweetheart? You didn't wake us up."

"Good," he beamed at her and kissed her back, smushing his face against her cheek to do so. "No nightmares."

"That's great news," she ruffled his hair and went to the stove, "Did you want eggs and toast?"

"Yes please!"

Dean walked into the room yawning; his mouth open wide and his eyes squeezed shut as he stretched his arms above his head. It was always his way of informing everyone he was awake and in the room, he did it almost every morning.

"Hello Dean," Mary smiled at him as he wandered up to her for a hug, "how'd you sleep?"

"Mm…" Dean mumbled against her, it wasn't really an answer and he wasn't really awake but she let it slide.

"That's good, now go sit down, I'm getting breakfast ready." She shooed him off to his chair.

"'Kay." Dean yawned again and hopped into his seat next to Cas. He blinked wearily a few times and moments after slumped against his brother, nearly knocking Castiel out of his spot.

"Dean!" Cas whined sharply and shoved him, "Stop it! You're knocking me over!"

Dean grinned and leaned a little more, all of his weight just draped over Cas, "What do you mean? I'm not doing anything."

"I swear to god I'm gonna push you harder!"

He started to press against Cas more than a deadweight should, "I still don't get it, why're you mad?"

"Mom!"

"Okay boys," Mary put some orange juice down for them, "Play nice, Sammy's still asleep."

"Sorry," they both said and the moment Dean let up, Cas shoved him right off his chair. The brunet landed with a loud thud and a quick growl.

"Told ya." Cas scoffed at him but it only resulted in his downfall as Dean charged him off his pedestal. The two wrestled around the kitchen floor, neither listening to their mom as she tried to get them to stop before it got too heated. But it wasn't a real fight, Cas tried to hold Dean down and as he failed Dean attempted to do the same thing, repeatedly rolling and attempting to pin their brother down. It did end eventually, but only when they knocked their four year-old brother to the floor.

Sammy had just woken up and toddled his way to the kitchen where he heard his brothers and mom, completely unaware of the mini hurricane that Dean and Cas had been at that time. In their rolling frenzy they collided with Sam and the boy flailed as he panicked all the way to the floor. Cas' back was to the floor and Dean's hands were pushing his shoulders down when they realized what had happened. In the split second it took Sam to figure out he was no longer standing both of his brothers knew what was next. And in that moment they managed to share one expression that captured it all; oh shit.

Sam started with a high-pitched whine that quickly escalated into fit of crying. Mary sighed and went to comfort her baby while the other two were smart enough to skedaddle out of there. Cas jumped onto the couch and peered over the back of it, Dean right beside him the whole way.

"Sorry!" They both called out from behind their safe place.

* * *

Later that day they invited Jet over, he hadn't visited in a while and a weekend afternoon shouldn't be spent cooped up at home. Being cooped up at a friend's place was totally different. And since it started raining as soon as they got him over, Dean started to set up their video games.

"Have you ever played a James Bond game?" He asked Jet as he got the controllers ready for their N64.

"No," Jet sat beside Cas as he watched, "I haven't played video games other than at your place."

"That's ok, we'll show you." Cas smiled and handed Jet his controller, "It's called Golden Eye 007 and it's awesome."

Jet thumbed at the buttons as they watched the quick intro, "So what do I do?"

"It's every man for himself, last one standing wins. We gotta hunt each other down and shoot 'em up." Dean explained excitedly.

"Got it, like every other shooting game except the graphics suck."

"Shut up,  _you_  suck." Dean countered and Jet stuck his tongue out.

They got down to playing and discovered that Jet was ruthless; he didn't even hesitate to murder Sam's character. Not that Sam was good at playing, but Dean and Cas tended to be nicer to him. After the fourth time, Sam got mad and hit Jet on the cheek with his controller.

"Stop it!" He yelled as he pouted, "Stop killing me!"

"Ow! Hey, quit it!" Jet pulled away from the four-year old as he ran off. Dean followed Sam out and left Cas to explain it to Jet.

"We let Sam win most of the time, he's not very good at playing yet."

"So you lie to him? That's dumb." Jet retorted in his own defense.

Cas shrugged, "It's not really lying, we want him to have fun too so we ease up on him. When it comes down to it we get the most kills in, Sam just doesn't die so he thinks he wins."

Jet scrunched his nose up a bit, "I think I get it." He looked down at his hands as he thumbed the buttons again, "So… how're you doing?"

"Hm?" Cas was a bit surprised; he hadn't expected Jet to show concern. "Oh, well I'm doing a lot better. I didn't have any nightmares last night."

"That's good," Jet kind of smiled at him and shrugged, "though I heard that people dream all the time and you just don't remember them all. So maybe you  _did_  have a nightmare but it wasn't that bad."

Cas blinked a few times, was that Jet kinda trying to help, a little? Maybe? He smiled and nodded; he'd take it regardless of how poor the actual attempt was. "Whichever it is I didn't wake anyone up. I think I'll be okay now."

"I'm glad, sucks when all Dean can talk about is how worried he is."

"Dean's worried?"

"Don't play dumb, he's always worried." Jet lifted his foot and lightly kicked at Cas' side, a playful grin on his face.

"Okay we're back," Dean walked in with Sam in tow, "And Sam says he'll keep playing."

Sam went over to Jet, his face a bit red and the expression still tense. He stared at the other boy for a few seconds and Jet wasn't sure how to respond. "Sorry for hitting you, I'll make it better." Sam said and leaned up to kiss Jet's cheek, making the older boy flinch and blush.

"Yeah, yeah, it's okay." He rubbed his cheek, "you don't have'ta do that."

Sam brightened right back up and grabbed his controller again, "Okay I'm ready!"

Dean smirked at Jet who promptly shoved his hand into Dean's face in an attempt to shut it up. Apparently expressions could be too loud, Cas didn't know that until that afternoon.


	9. 9 Years-Old: Summer Accident

_Months later._

Castiel had looked into himself, deep into himself since the incident with Caplan. He knew he was special, his mom and dad told him that all the time and it was supposed to be a good thing. He knew he was different, Dean couldn't feel him the way he could feel Dean, and no one caught on to emotion as fast as Castiel did. Though sometimes he wasn't paying attention and he missed things, generally he was ahead of the game.

Another thing he noticed was that he was far older than the usual soul-searcher. He wasn't that good at it but he did it far more often. While the majority of his classmates asked questions about homework and the occasional tough life lessons, his were considered odd. Cas typically asked more questions involving the word 'why' while not being satisfied with an adult's simple answer. People didn't like to answer questions, he realized throughout his school life.

But summer had come and he let those thoughts slip away as he got enjoy the wide-open space around him. Freedom was his for the next few months and he planned to do nothing more than appreciate it, play in it and let himself go. That summer was the last summer before Sam started kindergarten and Cas tried to get his little brother ready for it – not by teaching him but by helping him savor his free time.

They had a blow-up pool in the backyard; it was the last week or so before classes started and pool parties were the best way to spend the last of your summer. Everyone knew that.

John stood by at the barbecue, getting it ready for burgers and hotdogs, and Mary was out with friends. It was just the boys that day; Jet was over, as he tended to be more and more lately. Cas sat with him in the pool as Dean helped Sammy get his water wings on. Jet raised an eyebrow at the effort, "The pool's shallow, he doesn't need 'em."

"He won't get in without them," Dean explained as he pushed the plastic tube of air up Sam's right arm.

"Then let your dad do it."

"I want to."

Cas smiled and looked at Jet, "Don't bother, Dean's made up his mind already."

"Whatever," Jet shrugged and splashed water at Cas, that mischievous grin on his face again.

Castiel jumped a bit as he hadn't expected it but that in no way hindered his retaliation. He put his hand in the water near the surface and as he moved it caused a wave of water to wash over Jet in return. This of course sparked a water fight and the two nearly splashed a good fraction of the water right out of the pool. Cas leapt forward and tackled Jet onto the side of the pool and tried to wrestle him; Jet was stronger though and forced him back.

In the meantime John walked over and turned the hose back on, attempting to fill the pool again, "You boys like to play in empty containers, don't you?" he laughed as he propped the green rubber snake up on the side of the pool.

"No, it just ends up that way." Cas replied sheepishly, being held against his will by the darker boy.

Dean picked Sammy up and put him in the pool before climbing in beside him. Sam was about five now but he was still pretty small, smaller than Dean and Cas had been at his age anyway. He bounced around in the water using his wings, almost content to just play by himself and float around.

"Play nice with Sam in the pool, okay?" John asked as he went back to the barbecue to check on it. He looked at the boys as they half listened to him and horsed around all the same, regardless of how much the waves were knocking Sam around. It was shallow enough though, Sam would be fine, especially with his water wings. He smiled to himself, content.

"Okay, okay," Cas waved his hands at the other two boys, as their playing got a bit rough he tried to keep it more civil; he wasn't built the same way they were. "Let's play with the blow up ball, I'll go get it." He hopped out of the pool and ran into the house, wet feet picking up grass and leaving in his wake as he crossed the threshold. His dad didn't care that much but if mom had been home Cas knew he would've gotten yelled at.

He found it in the entrance, luckily enough they'd gotten it ready before hand. "I got it!" he called as he turned around with it quickly and rammed it into the open door that had swung back closer than he'd thought. The ball recoiled hard and bounced Castiel backward, his head hit the stairs and he found he couldn't move. All within a second or two he'd gone from excitedly taking a beach ball to the others, to sprawled out motionless on the entrance steps.

Darkness swallowed his vision and he found it hard to breathe, his mind was swimming and he wanted to cry out but his mouth wouldn't work. He felt panic sinking in, he couldn't see and his limbs wouldn't respond. His chest hurt and his head started to ache as it screamed out without making a single sound.

But something happened; he felt hands on him and heard a muffled shout that should have been really close but sounded so distant. It was Dean; he could feel it in his skin the way it tingled and rushed in his blood. Dean was holding him and yelling for their dad, Cas focused on the sense of Dean's presence to keep him calm. Dean was there; he was safe with Dean there.

Cas' eyes shifted to where he felt Dean and saw a glimmer and outline of him. It was a beautiful white glow and he  _knew_  it was Dean, though somehow it didn't quite look like him. It was alarmingly stunning and Cas couldn't help but stare, he couldn't take his eyes away despite the mess in his head.

This was Dean. He realized it slowly as he heard the muffled outcry from his dad; he watched Dean's face come more and more into focus. It wasn't Dean's body or his expression; it was Dean's soul. Castiel watched it endlessly, lost to time as Dean didn't leave his side. Cas remained propped up in his brother's lap as commotion around him went unnoticed; at least until someone lifted him up and away from Dean.

"No," he spoke meekly and reached for Dean's hand, "Dean stay with me…"

He didn't understand anything that happened from that point on, Dean wasn't at his side anymore and his senses faded with consciousness. The next thing Castiel was aware of was a light above his head and voices softly speaking nearby.

"He has no injury and whatever concussion he suffered hasn't shown any signs of real damage." It was a woman he didn't know or recognize talking; Cas furrowed his brow and slowly shifted his body around to make sure everything still worked.

"If he's not injured then why hasn't he woken up? Why was he completely senseless when the paramedics showed up?" It was his dad, John was anxious and angry and practically spitting out the words at whom Cas now thought might be the doctor.

"Considering there are no signs of injury we believe he's just in shock, I think we can count ourselves lucky that this was all that happened." The lady explained calmly, just like officer Jody had been with him the time before.

"Oh my poor baby," Mary was there too, she felt sad and scared, Cas hated sensing that from them.

But as he lifted his gaze he saw Dean sitting in a chair, Sammy in his lap. There was a second chair beside them where Jet had been perched, watching Cas pointedly. He nudged Dean, which tuned Cas into the fact that Dean had fallen asleep, how long had he been unconscious?

"Mm…" Dean groaned at the movement.

"Dean," Jet didn't whisper but he spoke softly nonetheless, "He's up."

Dean's eyes shot open and he startled Sam a bit with the jolt that ran through his body, "Cas?!"

"Hello Dean," Cas almost cringed at how hoarse he sounded, he must've been out for a while. "What happened?"

"You hit your head," Dean was scared too, Cas felt even worse for that.

"Are you okay?" Sam leaned over Cas' bedside and he couldn't help but rub Sam on the head.

"I think so, yeah."

"They did all kinds of tests and stuff on you," Jet piped in, "We've been here forever!"

"They wouldn't let us see you for the first while," Dean explained next, "Sammy was crying and mom was crying, I was the only one that didn't – ow!" He recoiled from Jet's elbow jab.

"Shut up,  _I_ was the only one who didn't cry."

" _You_  shut up." Dean pouted at him grumpily. Cas was so glad to see them fighting pointlessly, it meant that nothing serious could have happened.

"Cas! You're awake," Mary rushed to his bedside and gently hugged him, kissing his cheek, "You poor thing, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay mom, don't worry." He smiled and kissed her back. "Everything's okay now."

John sighed, feeling a bit more relaxed as he sat down on the edge of Cas' bed, "You gave us quite the scare there, young man."

Cas felt his face heat up with some embarrassment, "Sorry dad, I didn't mean to."

"I know, kiddo."

The following hour or so was filled with follow-up tests and eventually ended with Cas being released. He sat in the front with his parents, practically in Mary's lap as she held him tightly. Cas could feel their anxiety, how scared everyone was with almost losing him and it made him feel worse for it.

"I'm sorry," he muttered and looked up at them with concern. "I didn't mean to…"

Mary kissed his forehead gently, "No need to apologize, sweetheart. It's not your fault, accidents happen."

He nodded and rested against her, maybe she was right.

* * *

Cas was told to take it easy for the next little while, his parents were told several times he would be okay though they still couldn't help but worry about it. Because shock was the only factor in why he hadn't been able to wake up, his injury was a mystery. Dean told him later that he remembered seeing blood, that Cas had been hurt but there was no evidence of that. No wound, no mess, nothing of the sort. Cas thought maybe Dean had been imagining things, it had been a scary incident, after all. But part of him knew the same to be true, that there had been pooling warmth around his head as he'd laid in the entranceway. Maybe they were both panicking.

A day later he sat on the couch next to Dean as his brother played some games. At that point Dean was playing Final Fantasy VII, a PlayStation RPG that Cas enjoyed watching. Castiel could watch Dean play just about anything, he watched the story, the level grinding, and even tried to help when Dean got stuck. It was fun, kind of like they were playing together despite Cas not having a controller of his own.

Jet was over again, slumped on the floor with his back against the couch (though it was more his shoulder blades majority of the time as he slipped further down). He let Sam run toy cars over his stomach and up his head without flinching or getting annoyed; it seemed to entertain them both. Cas wasn't surprised, not everyone could sit and watch something like that so easily.

"Have you played this before?" Jet asked after a little while of watching Dean run around the same area over and over again.

"Nope," Dean admitted, "Dad played it once but I wasn't paying attention when he did, so I'm not sure what's gonna happen."

"Or what to do when we're stuck," Cas added sheepishly, "But it's okay, we'll figure it out."

Jet nodded quietly and pulled himself to be upright again, "So… what're you supposed to be doing right now?"

"Well I'm s'posed to go talk to Tifa but she's in this Corneo guy's mansion and I haveta get inside." Dean explained as he ran up to the area he was referring to. "But they only let girls in and Aeris wants me to dress like one, but I think there's another way to do it."

"Just dress him up," Cas insisted, "There's nothing wrong with it."

Dean frowned and shrugged, "Well I guess but… I dunno, I thought maybe I could do something else."

"It'll be funny, just do it." Jet urged him on.

"But Cloud's supposed to be badass! He wouldn't dress up."

"He would if he had to save his friend," Cas said matter-of-factly though it sounded more condescending than anything else.

"Fine! Geez, I'll do it." Dean gave in and went to the dress shop as directed earlier. Several random encounters and events that the boys didn't fully understand later, the deed was done and they had the story.

Jet slumped back again and glanced at Sammy who had moved on from cars to plastic dinosaurs. "You're starting kindergarten soon, huh?" He asked with a smile and Sam nodded.

"Uh huh, Cas says I'll like it there so I think it's okay."

Jet nodded, "Yeah, you're a little smarty-pants, you  _would_  like it there."

Sam stuck his tongue out at their friend, "You're just jealous 'cuz I'm smarter than you."

"That's right, Sammy," Dean grinned as Jet's face pinched in irritation, "you tell 'im."

"Shut it, Winchester," Jet shoved Dean playfully, "Don't encourage that! He might actually believe it!"

"But it's true so he should believe it," Cas smiled at him and Jet shoved Cas' leg too.

"Jerks," he laughed and dropped it. "What do you think you'll like most, Sam?"

Sam sat for a thoughtful moment and lit up with an answer, "The toys!"

The three older boys snickered, "I guess those were fun, but you'll have to share." Jet told him and Sam pursed his lips.

"I will?"

"Yep, there'll be lots of people there to share them with so be nice." Castiel reached over and rubbed Sam on the head, "Not like some people we know." He gentle nudged Jet as he leaned back to his spot.

"I shared," Jet protested a little loudly.

Dean scoffed, "When you were yelled at, maybe."

"Shut up, I was a great sharer."

Sam smiled and looked down at his toys, "I changed my mind," the others looked over at him, "I wanna make friends like you guys."

Cas felt warmth reach his cheeks as he smiled back at Sam, Dean continued to grin and Jet laughed softly.

"Good luck with that, we're pretty awesome." Jet had said.

Cas nodded, "But if you don't find people  _like_  us it's okay, you still have  _us_."

"Thanks Cas." Sam got up and hugged his brother, "I love you, don't get hurt anymore, 'kay?"

Castiel huffed out a laugh, "I'll see what I can do, Sam."


	10. 9 Years-Old: A Deeper Feeling

First day back to school was the start of the days Sam joined Dean and Castiel on their bus trips. Sam was confident enough to sit alone in the front, where all younger kids were sectioned. Cas admired his bravery; he knew he couldn't have done that.

"How're you feeling?" Dean nudged him and he shook his head.

"Awful, I don't want to go but I already know the answer to that," he hated the first week back. It shot his freedom down and locked him in a room away from the outside world; forced to take tests and follow rules he didn't think were justified. The school system was outdated and he was sick of being judged based on numbers.

"If you asked I bet you could've stayed home today," Dean offered a smile and Cas shrugged.

"I have to face it sometime, regardless of head injury mysteries."

"Mom still would've let you stay home, just gotta complain about your head a little and voila! Free day." Dean gestured dramatically and got a laugh out of Cas.

"Yeah but still, the sooner I'm used to it the sooner I can get on with my life."

"Suit yourself."

The bus pulled up to a stop at the elementary school, letting the boys out. Their town had two schools down the street from one another, the elementary school harboured kindergarten to grade four students while the high school held grade 5 to 12, after which they graduated. It was lucky that their school didn't let the students go after grade 3 otherwise Sam's first year would be alone without his brothers close by.

Sam waved goodbye to them before running up the front steps with some kids he seemingly made friends with during the bus ride. Castiel hopped off the bus after Dean only to be shoved mid-step. He had no balance while on one foot and, needlessly said, fell to the ground. He caught himself on his hands and knees, feeling the skin scrape as he held himself in place.

"Move it, Cassie."

Cas took a moment to reorient himself but heard the culprit clearly enough, it was Gordon from their class. He heard Dean growl but his brother's first instinct was to check and make sure Cas was alright. Cas had scared everyone with his fall the week before, he wasn't surprised that Dean wouldn't run after their rude classmate.

"Screw off, Gordon!" Dean shouted at Castiel's side. "Cas, you okay?"

"I'm fine," Cas sighed lightly and slowly pushed himself up, getting back to his feet with Dean's assistance. He held back the tears behind his eyes and grit his teeth, "Stupid…" he half whimpered half snarled the word, "You're so stupid, Gordon!" He screamed and wiped the tears that slipped down his cheeks despite his best efforts.

"Hey asshole!" Jet's voice carried and got Cas' and Dean's attention easily. They looked up just in time to see their friend tackle Gordon to the pavement; Cas cringed but didn't protest the violence.

"Get off me, Jet!" Gordon thrashed but wasn't much of a match.

Jet leaned in close to Gordon's face, Cas couldn't hear what the boy was saying but it seemed to frighten his attacker. In fact, moments later Gordon got up and shouted an apology to Cas before taking off entirely. Castiel looked to Dean who was grinning so wide it contagiously spread to Cas' lips as well.

Jet dusted himself off and walked over to them with a wave, "Hey guys, Cas I'm glad to see you're okay."

"Thanks to you and Dean," Castiel smiled almost shyly, "What'd you even say to him?"

"Nothing nice," Jet shrugged and caught Dean's hand in their secret handshake; swiftly shifting over to Castiel's to end the gesture. "What's up, guys? How's Sam?"

Dean looked Cas over again, just to double check he was actually fine, "Sammy went inside already, he's pretty excited to be here."

"I'm sure he'll like it," Cas motioned to the doors, "Should we go in?"

"Yeah, gotta drop off all my school stuff," Jet looked at his backpack that was as abnormally full as everyone else's. The first day of school was the day that everyone brought their supplies in, binders, paper, notebooks, pencil kits, mathematics items like calculators and geometry kits, and of course the things used for arts and crafts like scissors and rulers. Some even went as far to bring their gym clothes along.

The three boys entered together and Cas felt a shudder run down his spine, there goes to his freedom for another year. Sure, there were weekends and long weekends, and the holiday season but that wasn't enough. Cas couldn't wait to be out of there. Just 8 more years after that one and he'd be done, free to live his life and do what he wanted; not that he knew what he wanted to do.

Castiel sat quietly during roll call, he understood it now and wasn't worried when it was his turn. He replied easily and it made everyone moan in disappointment. Cas furrowed his brow and looked at Dean who shrugged.

"Got it right this time, huh?" Jet grinned and nudged him, "Some people were wondering how you'd take this one."

Cas' face flushed and he looked down at his notebook, "It's not that surprising I did it right, is it?"

"No, but it's been fun trying to figure out what you'd say." Jet was teasing and Cas knew it but it still bugged him. People were amused at how tense he got, how nervous and anxious he could be. It wasn't fun for him, so why would they enjoy it? Cas didn't have an answer for that.

Their first classes went by easily enough, Cas' heart raced as he stared out the window, his mind entirely elsewhere. He was glad he went through this state of mind early in the school year but he hated the fact that it happened. He forced himself to like this place, to get by and exist he had to like something he hated. Maybe that was the point though? School was a place to put young people, to test their limits, to force them down and see who can get back up again. It was a twisted utopia for adults, especially those directly involved in the process.

He packed his things come lunchtime and walked to his locker with some exhaustion in his bones already. Cas couldn't explain it properly but there was just something soul sucking about that place. His freedom was gone, his sense of self was in pieces and he just wanted to go home. He hadn't done anything all day and yet he was more tired than when he'd woken up that morning.

"You look miserable, man," Jet nudged his shoulder and Cas nodded.

"That's because I am, I hate this place."

"Same," the other boy sighed and looked down the hall toward the exit, "wish there was a way to just know this stuff and do other things. I'd rather be at home."

Dean nodded as he shoved his binders into his half-locker, right next to Cas'. "How's your mom, by the way?"

Jet shook his head, "She's the same, no worse so that's good."

"And your dad?" Cas raised an eyebrow slightly, he'd never really met Jet's dad. Jet always visited their family, there was the rare occasion where the Winchesters would go to Jet's to make dinner and talk with Nikki but she was always alone.

"Busy,"

Cas wasn't sure what he expected to hear, nothing changes that fast and he'd seen Jet recently. Though it occurred to him that he rarely asked those kinds of things, "Are you sad you never see him?"

Jet frowned and shrugged, "I don't know, would you be?"

"Yeah," Dean and Cas said in unison, their gazes falling to the floor just at the thought of it.

Jet looked between the two of them and shook his head, "Well my mom's good enough for me. She says Dad has to work otherwise we wouldn't be able to eat, mom says it's hard on him too."

Cas couldn't imagine how complicated Jet's feelings about it could be, to have to believe it was better your dad wasn't home. John was always around, how would he feel if his dad practically disappeared? He wanted to know how his friend was doing; he wanted to see if Jet was okay. Cas knew he wouldn't ever be if John were gone, he was concerned and scared for their closest friend. Was Jet really okay? Could he be?

Cas reached out for him, not physically but he tried to touch Jet's being. That part of a person he could sense, the part that showed who and how they were. He could feel it, Jet's emotions were swirling and he didn't believe her. He didn't believe it was better to be away from his father and it ate away at him. Cas felt it deeper into the hole that was eaten away. Jet couldn't help his mom any more than he'd already done and it wasn't enough. If he could be stronger his dad would be home, his mom wouldn't be lonely. Cas could feel him, there was so much more to him that he couldn't quite reach. Castiel opened his senses wider to Jet and the pain his friend felt crashed into him like a wave. Jet was cracking under that pressure, to be with his mom, to take care of her when she couldn't move, and to hardly ever speak with a stranger in his family. There was also a beautiful feeling; it surrounded Jet's thoughts of his mother and Cas nearly cried when it washed over him. But next to it was something far darker, something angry. Was that hatred? Castiel tried to touch it, to see it better. It was so miserable and connected to Jet's feelings for his dad. Cas had never seen hatred in a person before. It pushed back and it scared him. He was in too deep; he'd never reached that far into someone. Pulling back wasn't easy, it took longer than a split second and he felt a pull back down.

"Cas?" Dean's hand was on Cas' bicep, a touch he welcomed when his mind snapped back. Had he just been standing there? "You okay? You blacked out."

"I… yeah…" He wiped his eyes as tears rushed down his cheeks. He'd never been that far before, that someone noticed his absence.

"Maybe you should go home," Jet was leaning in as close as Dean was, both boys checking to see if Castiel was all there or not.

"No, no, I'm okay." Cas shook his head and looked up at Jet again. It was so strong, that anger swelling in Jet's mind wasn't so obvious at a distance but Cas knew it was there. How could he push it away? "I'm sorry," Cas swung his arms around Jet's shoulders and buried his face against his friend's neck, "I'm so sorry."

Jet stood frozen for a moment and looked at Dean as he hugged Castiel back, a look that begged the question 'what the fuck?' "It's okay, you've got nothing to be sorry for."

Cas sighed to try and quell the squall inside his own head. He was scared but more than that he was worried, "I'm sorry it's so hard for you. And I'm sorry I've been too selfish to notice." He inhaled shakily and lifted his gaze to look at Jet properly, "I know your dad isn't there often but you can share our family, okay?"

"Cas…" Jet glanced around at the people staring at them in the hall, "I'm okay, you don't have to do this-"

"Yes I do, we love you a lot and I don't want you to get hurt." He couldn't begin to care about the hallway full of students gawking at them; his mind was so caught up in that awful feeling. It reminded him of Caplan, a hideous monster of a man and he never wanted to see Jet turn into that. He didn't think Jet  _could_ , but he needed to do something before his friend honestly felt that awful thing on the surface. "Don't be angry please…" he whispered when he dropped his head against Jet's shoulder again.

Jet looked at Dean with confusion, Cas could feel it stronger than the rising concern both Dean and Jet felt for him. "Cas," Dean tried to pull him away but he wouldn't move. "Cas you're scaring me."

That was true too. Castiel nodded and stepped away from Jet, "Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"You're usually pretty weird on the first day but this is  _a lot_. You sure your head is okay?" Jet didn't know how to react but he was worried all the same.

"Yes, I'm okay." Cas wiped his eyes, "I just sensed something really angry and hurt, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Jet tried to offer a smile, something friendly and light-hearted. "I'm okay and if you're okay we should get going, people're staring at us."

Cas looked around and winced at the sense he got from it.  _Castiel is so weird_. "Yeah… yeah let's go." He hurried away, wishing he were anywhere but there.

Throughout the next hour or so Dean and Jet tried to check up on him but he insisted he was fine. They didn't have much choice to give him the benefit of the doubt; he was always weird on the first day back. That was normal. So despite his recent hospital visit they let it go. He was glad for that. Maybe acting normal would make him feel less stressed out.

Jet was called to the office during their last break, everyone joked about it; 'What'd you do?' being the common question as if he'd broken the rules. Cas looked down the hall to where they could see the entrance to the office; there were a couple of officers standing there. It was a small town so one of them was Jody, Cas remembered her well.

"Wow, he really got in trouble." Dean laughed softly but Cas wasn't so sure.

"Something feels wrong, Jody is really sad…" His stomach churned as he watched them, one knelt down with a hand on Jet's shoulder and they told him something. Cas couldn't hear it but the shockwave from Jet's reaction reached him all the same. Grief and pain cracked into his psyche like a sledgehammer. Cas cringed and felt his body go numb.

He felt something break in Jet as he watched the boy stand completely still. Something happened. Something awful happened that caused such a mess in his friend.

That was the first time Castiel ever hated being able to sense people. His head ached and his heart beat too fast.

"What's wrong?" Dean looked at him and somehow Castiel knew. He knew that feeling, that weird and horrific feeling of hatred disbanded and mixed in with the rest.

"It's about his dad." Cas winced but managed to speak. "I think… I think he's hurt."

Dean looked down the hall where Jet stood, still with the police. "Jet?" He called and started down the hallway, Castiel right behind him. "Jet! Hey are you okay?"

Jet looked up at them, his face red and tear stained. He shook his head.


	11. 9 Years-Old: Questioning Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, having connection issues on and off over here and my phone doesn't do documents

_Two days later._

Castiel stood in his best clothes for a man he'd never even seen until that morning. His hair was combed back and his shoes were uncomfortable on his feet but he didn't say a word about it, he wanted to be there.

Jet was with them, his mother on a new trip to the hospital and unable to leave due to 'complications.' The mind could do amazing and terrible things to the body with only the slightest change of thought. Cas didn't want to think about it.

Dean walked at Castiel's side; they were in a line behind their father who held Sam's hand. The two of them walked behind their mother, who held Jet's. Cas didn't need to even try to sense Jet's mind, he was swarmed with the grief of all the people in the room but Jet's was strongest.

Sam was only five years old but he knew to be quiet enough, he only asked a few questions of John who very softly explained.

_What's wrong with him, daddy?_

It hurt to hear those words, Cas felt Jet's mind quake. It was painful, it was giving him a headache and he wanted to leave. But everything else in him wanted to stay. He had to be there, he could tell his presence was somehow easing the room. That each person he stepped away from grew more anxious, and each he came closer to seemed to calm down. It was like what happened with his brothers when they were infants, or at least that's what he remembered his parents telling him.

Mary and Jet stopped at the casket first, Jet was barely tall enough to see in but she still lifted him anyway. This would be the last time he'd see his dad. Jet's emotions slowed and drifted to a stop, his eyes fixed on a paled face. Cas wanted to move to his side but he stayed in place, quietly waiting and watching his friend's expression. Mary whispered something to him and Jet shook his head, she looked back and John and urged him to pass by.

John picked Sam up as he walked past, pausing only briefly to see Lawrence Tull before he went to their reserved seating. Castiel took a steadying breath as they approached next, peering into the open casket. He saw a man who shouldn't be as pale as he was, a facial structure very similar to Jet's and buzzed to the scalp hair. He was a stranger, but Cas felt his chest ache.

He placed a hand against Jet's side and the other boy looked down at him from Mary's arms. Castiel offered a quiet smile though his eyes watered and rained on his face, he felt a hole in his heart for Jet and wished to fill it. He wanted to be able to say something that would help but maybe there was nothing to say. Death was final and permanent. There was nothing to say other than condolences, but Jet already knew they were sorry.

"We love you, Jet." Cas whispered and continued on. Dean stood looking into the casket for a few moments longer, a look exchanged with Jet before following after Cas. They sat next to John and watched as Mary stayed there, holding Jet up to look inside until everyone had walked by to offer some kind of apology or respect. Some spoke to Jet, he didn't appear to say much.

When Mary started to walk away Jet wrenched from her arms and ran back to the coffin, a sharp cry tore from his throat and buried deep into Cas' aching heart. He looked away, the storm of remorse and sorrow getting to be too much. He couldn't stop the tears from flowing and he couldn't stand to be in his own skin. Why couldn't he help? Why did it have to hurt that much to lose someone? Why did people have to die?

Castiel didn't have the answers. No one did, nothing that made sense to him so he never bothered to ask. Dean covered his mouth as a sob wracked his body too; Cas trembled when Dean's pain reached him.

"Dad! No!  _NO!_  You can't go!" Jet screamed and Cas looked up, the other boy had pulled himself up to grab his father's ironed shirt. "Wake up!  _Please_  wake up, dad… I still need you." His voice broke and so did Cas. "Daddy no…"

Mary gently took him away from the casket when his arms went slack and brought him to their bench. She didn't bother putting him down on his own and instead held him in her lap, his face against her shoulder as she kept a tight hold. Castiel didn't look up for a long while after that, people went up to speak and he didn't know any of them. They were people from Lawrence's work, by the sound of it. 'He was a good man.' 'Hard worker.' 'Loved his family.' And all the nice things people say about you when you're gone.

Cas didn't care about the stories or the nice things. He didn't care for most of the people walking up to speak. What he wanted was to help Jet, he could feel the same determination in Dean but they were both so helpless. Mary rocked their friend slowly throughout the songs and speeches and Cas wanted to tear out his own beating heart. Jet's was in so much pain that maybe it'd help; maybe using Castiel's heart would ease it, even a little.

Time and energy slipped away from him, he mentally blanked out in the very same sense that Jet did. It was too much at once and Cas needed to get away from it, maybe his similar state of mind would be a comfort to his friend. Maybe Jet would find solace in the fact that Castiel couldn't handle the mental strain either.

People around them spoke to one another, there was food shared in a separate room but Castiel couldn't bring himself to pay attention. John took him by the hand and he forced himself to look up, "What's going on, dad?"

"Your mom thinks it's best if we go home now." John explained softly and led him out, Sam was on his dad's other side and Cas could see Dean walking next to Mary and Jet. He was glad they were leaving; he felt heavy and didn't want to be there anymore.

They climbed into the car, Jet sat between John and Mary in the front while Cas, Dean and Sam took up the backseat. Dean looked out the window for a moment then back to his parents, "Aren't they gonna bury him? Won't we miss that?"

"They postponed it for a few days, we're hoping Jet's mom might be better by then and she can be there." Mary explained gently, her gaze falling onto Jet as the boy didn't speak up or move or indicate he'd heard anything about it.

The rest of the day went by in a blur; Cas sat at Jet's side and said nothing unless he needed to. Dean continued to try and offer a solution, something Jet liked each time and didn't give up despite his best efforts accomplishing very little. Their friend was silent and didn't want to talk to them, he didn't want to do much of anything really. Mary said that was fine, that Jet needed time. Cas still felt awful about it.

They ended up watching a movie; Cas wasn't paying attention to which one. He tried to focus on Jet, that miserable feeling surrounding him and did his best to soothe it. Jet's face was calm and his body relaxed against the couch but there wasn't the same amount of life in him. Castiel didn't think he could fix it in such a short amount of time but he hoped that maybe it'd do something good. There was a wall, Jet was building it mentally and internally to block things out and it scared Cas. He couldn't quite feel his friend as deeply as he had in the previous days, it was pushing him out and it made him worry.

' _Don't do this Jet, please don't do this.'_  He thought desperately as he caressed his friend's guarded wall. It reminded him of seeing Dean's soul for the first time a few weeks before, he'd never imagined anything as beautiful as a person's true being. Jet's was different than Dean's but no less stunning to him. Cas didn't pay a single bit of attention to the movie playing in front of him, all of his energy was spent trying to slow Jet's pace, trying to stop the other boy from shutting down. He'd lost his dad, of course it was going to hurt, Cas knew that. He knew it but he didn't want Jet to ache from it forever, he wanted his friend to heal right but his efforts weren't enough. He needed something more.

Sam walked in during the middle of the film and stopped beside the couch where the three of them sat. He was shy but approached nonetheless and crawled up between Cas and Jet. The older boy shifted over a bit to give Sam room but it wasn't necessary, Sammy climbed into Jet's lap and gave him a hug.

Jet froze at first but melted into it, his head dropped onto Sam's shoulder as his arms wrapped around the smaller boy's torso. "I'm sorry, Jet." Sam whispered in a tiny broken voice that nearly shattered the other three, "I love you."

Cas watched Jet's hands clench around Sam's shirt and his head push a little harder into Sam's shoulder. He could see the turmoil but he sensed something else was happening, something more than what his eyes told him. Sam's hold helped, his small words were a comfort just like all of theirs were, but very different. He was that little something extra Cas was hoping for.

"I love you too," Jet sobbed against Sam's sweater. "I'm so…" he lost his breath as his throat choked up and his next inhale was stuttered, "I'm so mad at him." He exhaled heavily and rubbed his eyes. "He was never here and now he's gone."

Cas smiled quietly, the wall inside Jet crumbled and slipped away like it'd never been there. It was an open wound inside him but free to heal. Cas leaned in and joined the hug; Dean did the same from the other side.

"We're here for you," Dean gave one of the strongest hugs, Castiel was thankful for that.

* * *

Only a day or two followed before they stood in the cemetery all dressed up again. This time Nikki could make it, her frail body in a wheelchair with a hospital attendant behind her and enough medical equipment that Cas didn't know where to start asking what did what. Jet stood at his mom's side, his heart still ached but it was open. Castiel found a way to nest there, to keep an eye on things and make sure it stayed clean.

Castiel noticed that the burial was worse than the viewing almost right away. It was heavier, there were more people crying and it was the last time anyone would get a chance to see him. People offered their condolences to Nikki since they hadn't gotten the chance previously, Mary knelt down to hug her gently and Cas realized how close the two families were. He was glad that his mom could be there for her, like they were for Jet.

Nikki was stronger though; she took it better than Jet had. In fact she seemed at peace with it. "I always thought it'd be me down there first," she said with soft voice, watching her son as he stood at the casket's side one more time. "The poor thing, how is he?"

Mary sighed lightly, "He's doing better than you'd expect, but he's in a lot of pain."

"I'm scared to leave him," Nikki laughed painfully, Cas could feel her anxiety and fear. All of it surrounding her son, what would happen to him now, what he'd do with himself and who could take care of them. "I need to get better for him, I can't leave him on his own."

"You'll do what you can but don't hurt yourself more," Mary replied in kind, a gentle reminder for Nikki that she could do almost nothing for him. Castiel closed his eyes at the pulse wave of pain he could sense all around him, Jet's was sharp but unmoving. Nikki's was dull but strong and persistent, two very different feelings and Cas wasn't sure which one was worse.

"Lawrence had good life insurance," Nikki changed the subject a little, Cas figured to try and ease the pain herself. "And we'll be getting compensation from his work place since it happened there. We'll be okay for a little while but I don't know if-"

"Don't worry," John placed a hand on her shoulder, "We'll do what we can for you both."

"I don't need any more help, please help him instead."

Mary shook her head with a careful smile, "We'll help you both." She insisted.

Castiel walked over to Jet who had his hands on the coffin and his head rested against the polished wood. The other boy was whispering to his father, his expression pinched with too much on his mind and Cas didn't want to intrude. He couldn't hear it but he knew what it was just based on Jet's internal state and how his mind circled around key thoughts over and over.

'I'm mad at you.'

'You were never there so I had to be.'

'We needed you.'

'You asshole.'

'Come back.'

'I love you.'

'Thank you.'

Cas waited until Jet's small private moment passed and his friend looked up. He didn't have anything to say, he just smiled kindly and sensed the small amount of good that did in Jet.

They stood in their places as the ceremony went on, final words were given and then they started to lower casket. Castiel stared at the imagery, at a man in a decorated box. A man that once breathed like they did; he had a mind and thoughts and dreams of his own. He had once been Cas' age, not thinking of his future past the last hour of school for a day and what he'd have for supper. A life lived with a wife and a son, people he loved so strongly he'd sacrifice his time and energy to keep them alive just a few days longer. All of that somehow fit in that wooden coffin. An entire world fit in that box and they just had to let that go, bury that existence that it might reach something better.

But how? He couldn't sense anything from that life anymore; it was cold and unmoving so how could it be in a better place? Where could it go and who would take it there? Castiel didn't have the answers for those questions.


	12. 9 Years-Old: Holiday Season

The months that followed were emotionally difficult for all of them but Cas was feeling more stressed than most. He was so happy that Jet was healing and that there was a chance he'd be okay again but it wasn't happening fast enough. Jet's energy was low, it was hard to get him to do much of anything sometimes and when he did do something he was temperamental. Jet never had the best temper to begin with but his fuse was far shorter than it'd ever been. He snapped at people for the smallest things and more often than not he ran off to do his own thing. Cas tried to stick by Jet's side when he could but the other boy didn't always want someone near him. He'd shout at Cas to leave him alone, give him some space and just fuck off for a while.

After a particularly angry outburst by Jet, Cas sat outside with Dean during their lunch recess with his knees tucked up to his chest and head hung between them. "I wish I could do something…"

"Cas, you do more for people than anyone else I know." Dean scoffed lightly at him and Cas frowned at his brother.

"It's not enough, Dean. I can feel he's still in pain and I hate it." Cas threw his arms into the air dramatically and dropped backward into the grass of their schoolyard's field. "What the heck can I do?"

Dean shrugged and started to pluck the grass, tossing it onto Cas' stomach each time. "Mom says it'll take Jet a long time to feel better, just be nice to him and help him out when he needs it."

"I know… but I think I can fix it. I just need to try harder."

"If you get too pushy you'll piss him off, just leave it alone Cas." Dean took a more stern tone and Castiel pouted up at him.

"But what if I can make it better?" He protested and Dean shook his head.

"You're doing enough. Your mojo magic senses are doing plenty for him, he's always happier when he hangs out with us."

"So I should be with him! Why won't he let me?" Cas sighed in frustration and closed his eyes, "This is stupid."

Dean didn't reply and just kept dropping grass piles onto Castiel's tummy.

Cas was quiet for a bit and closed his eyes, "Dean… that 'magical mojo sense' is why I'm trying so hard. I can feel all of you and lately I can sense deeper than I ever could before. Sometimes I do it by accident but it's so strong." He rolled his head to watch Dean's face, his brother's expression calm and curious. But there was always more than that to a person. Dean's mind was as messy as anyone else's. Thoughts of his friend in pain, his brothers, his mom and dad, and even death circled in Dean's head. He was concerned; scared that Cas' obsession with fixing Jet would push the other boy away. Dean had thoughts of how he'd feel if John were the one that died, how would he want to be approached? How would he function around other people? Would he even want to?

But Dean was more than the surface thoughts, Cas slipped his gaze past all that and let himself see Dean's being. That beautiful soul he'd seen the day he hit his head, it wasn't like anyone else's. He'd seen many people's inner beings, Sam's was wonderful and Jet's was bound by the recent events. John and Mary's were beautiful too but nothing compared to Dean's. It was bright and flowing, fluid like water but floating like it was in space, and it seemed to be entirely made of light and energy. Cas smiled and looked back up at the sky.

"What do you mean you can sense 'deeper'?" Dean asked and Cas shook his head.

"I mean I can see more of you than you even know is there. I can feel what you're feeling," he tilted his head again to catch eye contact, "I know you."

Dean was quiet and Cas knew why, he wasn't sure if what Cas was saying was a good thing or if it was even true. "What am I feeling now?"

"Confused, concerned, and a bit excited."

Dean made a face that scrunched up his nose, "No I'm not, quit making stuff up Cas."

Castiel laughed but decidedly kept any replies to himself. He wasn't lying or inventing these things, they were just happening to him – but maybe Dean couldn't understand that. Dean would figure out that Cas was right or he'd ignore his own feelings, either way it didn't matter because Cas knew he was right. It did make him question himself though, was it a good thing?

* * *

 

It had grown colder outside, and school shut down for the holidays. It was the last day of class and everyone was packing up their things and excitedly running for the doors. Dean paused and watched Jet as their friend did the same though far quieter. "So… How're you doing?" Dean asked and Jet lifted his head, a little glimmer in his eyes that told Cas more than his blank expression.

"I don't know," Jet replied with a shrug and closed his locker, "Not exactly the same as the last thousand times someone asked me but not very different either."

Dean cringed a bit at Jet's tone and scratched the back of his head, "Uh… well I was just asking because you looked so down." Dean cringed again at his own response and looked at Cas for help.

"More than usual," Cas added quickly though Jet didn't seem to give much effort in caring to begin with. "What's on your mind?"

"Christmas holidays," the boy sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "It's never easy but now… well…" He trailed off as his voice broke a little, Cas didn't have to imagine how he was feeling but he tried to keep himself from knowing exactly what. It was exhausting and he got the idea the first time.

"Didn't you guys get his life insurance?" Dean stepped closer as he realized Jet was pretty upset. Their friend nodded and rubbed his eyes quickly.

"We did. Sorry, I'm just whining forget it." He turned away but Cas caught his arm.

"Wait, what if you had Christmas with us? Would it be easier?"

Jet pulled away roughly, "I said forget it, Cas. It's nothing."

"It isn't," Castiel insisted and hurried around in front of Jet to stop him, "You're not whining, okay? Just let me ask my mom and you can come over for Christmas."

"Cas-" Jet tried to protest a bit softer but Cas shook his head.

"Enough! I'm asking then you're coming over and that's final."

Jet's expression lightened up a little and he nodded silently.

"Okay." Cas smiled and headed for his bus, "Then we'll call you!"

"'Kay…" Jet replied quietly as he gave them a short wave.

* * *

 

Castiel wandered up to Mary once they were home, she was pseudo-helping Sam get out of his winter clothes. Sam believed he could handle it on his own but 'just in case' he couldn't do it she was there to help him, his orders. "Hey mom," Cas leaned around her side into her view, his smile tugging up on his lips, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course sweetheart, what did you need?" Mary returned the smile, she always did.

"Can Jet and his mom come over for Christmas this year?"

Mary paused and looked at him thoughtfully, "I'll discuss it with your dad but I don't see why not. What made you think of it?"

"Well…" He glanced over at Dean who was starting to grin; his brother hadn't expected him to ask evidently. "We were talking to Jet and he seemed pretty down about Christmas, so I told him that we'd have him over." Cas lowered his head sheepishly, "Sorry, I didn't ask first…"

Mary's smile spread and she wrapped her arms around him in a hug, "You are too cute, Cas. Of course they can come over; I'll tell your dad later."

"Thanks mom," Cas kissed her cheek and pulled away, "Can we have some ice cream?"

"Not before dinner, it'll be done soon so be patient, okay?" She had her gentle warning tone on and Cas knew to immediately cooperate.

"Okay!" He ran to the stairs, motioning for Dean to follow. The two boys dropped onto their beds and grinned at one another across the room. "I can't believe she said yes."

"I can't believe you asked." Dean laughed and flopped backward, "But I'm glad you did."

"I said I would," Cas shrugged and mimicked his brother's posture, arms spread wide and staring at the ceiling. "He feels a little happier these days, though."

"Yeah?" Dean rolled his head to face Cas, "How so?"

"His energy is lighter, it's still pretty low but it's getting a lot better."

For a moment his brother was quiet but Dean spoke up again a few seconds later, "So… think you could teach me to sense stuff like that?"

Cas blinked in surprise and turned to face him, "I… don't know. It just started happening to me, I didn't control anything or learn anything." His gaze drifted down to look at himself, "I got hurt that one time I ended up in the hospital, and when it happened I saw you."

"I was right there so yeah, you saw me." Dean had that snarky tone, like he knew better for some reason.

"No, not your face, I saw your soul or something. It was all made of light and stuff." Cas lifted his hands above his head and tried to shape the imagery he saw with his hands, following the curve of Dean's head and shoulders. "It didn't look like you but I just knew it was you, I don't know how."

"It's still kinda weird," Dean smirked at him, though this time it was far less demeaning than it had been in the past. Dean was starting to understand him, or accept him at least. Either way Cas was happy to see it. "But you know, maybe it's cooler if you're the only one that can do it."

"You don't think I'm a freak?" Cas wasn't sure where the thought came from, maybe it was because of the kids at school, or maybe it was just because he felt a little self-conscious on his own. Regardless it was there, it surprised him a little. He didn't often consider the state of his self-worth but it had been coming up more and more lately. What did Dean think of him? That was important. What did his parents think of him? Or Sam?

"Sometimes, but that's got nothing to do with your senses. I think you're more like a superhero." Dean smile didn't waver, Cas stared at him but nothing changed and he felt a surge of relief inside.

"Dean…" he trailed off and felt his lips tug up to mimic Dean's expression, "Thank you."

"No problem-" Dean paused and stared at him for a second, Cas wasn't sure why until he felt something warm on his face. "Cas, are you okay? Why are you crying?" Dean's voice had gotten so strained in such a short time; he sat up and went to Castiel's side.

"I'm fine," Cas sighed and closed his eyes, letting himself focus more on the sensation swirling inside him. "I was scared that you thought I was, it feels good knowing you don't."

Dean paused for a second to stare at him, "You're so weird, Cas." He laughed and leaned against the bed.

The door opened and Sammy wandered in, climbing into Castiel's bed with him without a question or request as to whether or not he was allowed to. "Whatcha doin'?" He swung his legs off the edge, nearly hitting Dean but not quite.

"Nothing," Cas reached up and hooked his arms around Sam's middle to pull him down. "What're you doin'?" He grinned and held his little brother down against his will.

"Agh! Cas, leggo!" Sam squirmed to get away but he only managed to get more stuck.

Dean wasn't the type to pass up an opportunity and was swiftly taking over the entire scenario. If Cas had thought for even a second Dean was on his side he was sorely mistaken, Dean overpowered the whole thing and took over for himself. Cas and Sam didn't stand a chance in that wrestling match.


	13. 9 Years-Old: Confronting Death

 

A light layer of snow on the ground, chilled weather that forced sweater dress codes, and crisp air that gave the impression everyone was a smoker were all things Castiel associated with the holiday season. Some people were religious and very strict in that aspect of their celebrating or not celebrating, some were more relaxed. Others believed it was a consumerist holiday for idiots, Cas wasn't totally sure what that meant but he assumed it was a negative view. Their family fell into the relaxed portion of people who just enjoyed the family time. No one freaked out about what gifts they got, well, other than the kids every now and then. No one went out into the hellish mall scene to get trampled, they had what they needed and that was good enough.

Mary was up on the roof stringing their old Christmas lights along as she did the last five years, John fell off too many times in the past and they decided he shouldn't do it anymore. The boys were inside helping John with the tree. He lifted Dean up as they wrapped the garland around; Dean was far too short to reach the top of their tree. Sam played in the box of decorations; the baubles were especially amusing to him. Castiel strung tinsel and fake icicles around the bannister leading upstairs, from his perch he could see as Dean remained steady in John's hands. He was always a bit scared of heights, but it turned out that Dean trusted his dad's hold more than he was afraid.

Once they were done decorating their Christmas tree they called Mary inside. She sent John to the kitchen to make them all hot chocolate while she dusted off their angel. It was a tradition to drink hot chocolate while one of the family placed the angel atop the tree, a symbol that they were done with set up for the holidays. This year it was Sammy, John put his youngest on his shoulders and leaned forward to the tree, "You can do it, Sam." He encouraged the boy as Sam shakily reached for the top, ceramic angel in hand.

It was placed without an incident and they all cheered briefly before clinking their mugs together.

Cas wasn't sure if he liked this tree or not, it was the same one they'd had for a very long time, an ornamental tree covered in ornaments for an ornamental holiday. On the one hand it made sense to him but other people had real trees, wouldn't that have been better? Something real on a day so many claimed was fake?

Maybe it was cheaper this way. He'd come to learn that money was something of importance.

Cas loved the holidays for the same reason all his peers did; presents. Gifts and candy and all the things he should be grateful for having. Their family wasn't rich but they weren't dirt poor either. Castiel got what he wanted more often than not, as well as his brothers, give or take a pair of socks or two. He found the season to be enthralling, to see how people acted around one another during that time. In the malls and stores everyone was out of control and could be horribly rude to one another. All in the name of this holiday that meant for the best of mankind. It made his head hurt.

Regardless of what it meant and to whom, Christmas had arrived. Or at least the eve had. The boys put on their boots and coats as the family got ready to head out that morning. Every year they went to see the Campbell's and spend a few hours over there, usually for a brunch of some kind. Cas looked up at Mary as they headed for the car, careful not to slip on the ice, "So when are Jet and his mom coming?"

"They'll be coming over tomorrow morning; your dad or I will pick them up, don't worry so much." She ruffled his hair and sighed lightly.

"Sorry, I just promised he'd come over so I don't wanna mess up."

She didn't reply with words, just that smile he loved. She knew he meant well at least, not pestering her about it so often on purpose.

Cas and Dean agreed on one thing about going to their grandparents' place for Christmas; all they wanted were the presents and the dessert. Grandma Campbell taught their mom how to make pie so she was the queen when it came to baked goods. Their distant cousins were also invited, Dean and Christian never got along though Cas was mostly okay with the others. Gwen could be mean to Dean and Cas but she was usually pretty friendly with Sam. And then there was Mark who never said much of anything. He was often with Christian.

Grandpa Campbell wasn't ever nice, he was rude and his sense of humour wasn't funny at all. Cas didn't want to use strong language but if he were to do it, hate would've been one of the words. Every year he could sense something in his grandfather, something cowardly and despicable, but he could never really put his finger on it.

That year though it was different, that year his senses had opened up and were far from ready to receive the imagery he did. They unloaded from the car and headed up to their grandparents' house, Cas knocked on the door loudly and smiled up to greet the first person that came to see them.

His grandpa opened the door but that's not what Castiel saw. He saw something twisted in the man's face, his eyes were solid black and the sides his mouth were torn up to the upper portion of his head. "Hey there, Cas." Samuel said and all Castiel could think to do was scream.

He turned on his heels and ran, Cas caught Dean's arm and Sam's as he stumbled and dragged them to the car again. "Cas!" Dean protested against him but oddly wasn't strong enough to truly deny him. "Cas what the hell?"

"He's a monster," Cas whispered harshly, ignoring the confused concern on his parents' faces. "I can see it in his face, he's a monster, he's just like Mr. Caplan." Tears ran down his face as his breathing started to sound labored, "I wanna go home!" he cried and cowered against the furthest door.

"What is wrong with that boy?" Samuel snapped at John who shrugged and went to see Cas, peering down inside the backseat.

"Cas, what's going on?"

"His face," Cas croaked as his bottom lip trembled, "It's just like me teacher's was. Dad I wanna go home, please?"

"We just got here for Christmas, Cas-"

" _PLEASE!"_  He screamed and startled his father.

John looked at Mary and motioned to step aside with her, "I can take him home," he offered and she sighed lightly with a nod.

"I guess so, come get us in a few hours, okay?"

"Sure," John smiled and gave her a kiss, "love you." He turned toward Sam and Dean, "I'm gonna take Cas home, can you two be good while I'm gone?"

"I'll come too," Dean insisted but John shook his head.

"Stay here with Sammy, okay?"

Dean paused and looked down at his little brother, then back up at Cas who looked like he really had seen the face from hell. "Okay… but you gotta promise me to take care of Cas!"

John smiled with some surprise but nodded, "You got it."

Castiel watched cautiously as they John got in but no one else did, "Wait," he protested and hurried to the door, "Dad wait, they're still there!"

"They're going to stay for Christmas, Cas. It's fine." John replied calmly, too calm for what Cas had told him. Why didn't his dad get them out of there? "Every year we do this and every year it's fine, they'll be okay."

Cas stared out the window, his nerves on fire as the rest of his family disappeared. "Dad…" his heart slowed down, something thundered in his skin. It had only been a few minutes of driving but it was eating away at him. "Dad go back."

John looked through the rearview mirror, the car decelerated appropriately. "Make up your mind, kiddo. What do you want here?" He was getting a little annoyed, Cas didn't care.

"I won't leave them there," Cas didn't know where that came from, that little burst of courage he never had before. John took them back.

Cas could feel something wrong, maybe it was just his grandpa's face but it felt worse than that. The air was colder than it was previously and he saw something, a man dressed in a black coat walking with a cane. John didn't seem to see him as the man stepped around the side of the building, his stroll was slow but deliberate and it sent a shiver down Castiel's spine. He ran after the stranger but quickly lost track of the man.

The sight before him in the backyard of his grandparents' place was right out of nightmares. Blood streaked the ground and smeared the house like someone had been forcefully dragged along both. There were legs sticking out of the open doorway -they looked like his grandma's- and the stranger stood over them.

"Dean!" Cas shouted and ran, he wasn't initially conscious of where he was running to but his body knew. Dean came into sight moments later, little Sammy knelt next to him and pushed at him uselessly. Castiel's heart froze. He heard something loud nearby but it echoed and faded, his hearing nearly shut down. Whatever it was, someone yelling or fighting or what, he didn't know and he had no will to find out.

"Cas," Sam looked up at him with his face bloody, dirty, and tear stained, "Dean's not moving."

Castiel dropped to his knees beside Dean and leaned over him. "No…" he whispered and the world stopped around him. He couldn't sense it, that spark, that glow, that light that was Dean. He couldn't see it. "No…" he strained to feel it, ignoring how it seemed just like Jet's father. Cold, lifeless.

Dean could never be lifeless. Castiel leaned in closer; maybe if he were closer he'd see it.

Nothing. Then footsteps.

Cas looked up and saw the stranger, an old man with his dark hair pulled back and a very pale, sunken face. He knew who it was. This man walked to his grandmother's still body. He walked to the silent forms of his cousins strewn around the yard, and now he was standing over Dean.

"No." Castiel spoke bolder than he ever thought he could.

The man watched Cas' face curiously before a flicker of recognition lit up the depth of his cold eyes. "You're Castiel," he spoke evenly and calm.

Cas pulled Dean into his arms; he didn't know where the bright light was coming from that illuminated the stranger's face from below but he didn't care. "You can't have him."

"You know who I am little one, but you don't know how, do you?" The man folded both hands over his cane and just watched him like he was far smaller and more insignificant than the littlest bug Cas had ever seen.

Castiel held Dean tighter as that light flashed brighter, energy surged in him and he felt his expression pull tight in a snarl. "You can't have him," he repeated. "You can never have him."

He nodded. Cas couldn't believe it, he nodded and walked away.

And then Dean coughed. Castiel looked down at the blood soaked head of his brother as the boy stirred and blinked up at him. Faded green sparked to life and Dean sat upright faster than Cas had ever seen him before, "Cas!?" Dean shouted and grabbed his shoulders, "Cas what happened!? Why are you glowing?"

"What?" Cas blinked and looked down at himself as that light disappeared. He then looked up to see that the suited man had gone entirely. "I don't know…"

Sam stared at him in awe, "Cas who were you talking to?"

"That guy, you didn't see him?"

Sam looked around and shook his head, "No… you started yelling at someone and your body got so bright I couldn't look anymore." He smiled a little as he rubbed his eyes, "But Dean's okay now." He crawled forward a little and wrapped his arms around his older brother.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Dean said shakily and hugged Sam back, Cas dropped into that embrace just as eagerly.

"I was so scared," Cas gasped as he pressed his face against Dean's shoulder, fingers digging into Dean's wet shirt. He didn't want to think about why. "I'm so sorry I left."

"Boys!" John shouted as he stepped into the back doorway, Mary at his side, her head bleeding and leg twisted. "Oh thank God, are you okay?" He helped Mary hobble over to them, stepping over her mother's body carefully to do so.

"Yeah," Dean said again and offered up a smile as his mom dropped to her knees beside him and scooped him up. "I'm okay," he tried to soothe her as she cried against him.

"I saw him," Mary pulled back a little, her hands cupping the sides of Dean's head, rubbing and checking for an injury. "He cracked your head open, didn't he?" She was a little hysteric, or scared, or overwhelmed, Cas couldn't quite tell. He kind of felt the same way.

"I guess not," Dean shrugged, "I feel fine, mom. Not hurt at all, see? So please don't cry." He tried to smile though it was strained and difficult for him to actually do it. Cas had no idea what he'd seen or remembered, but that wasn't so bad. Dean was breathing, his light was back and that was all Cas wanted to know.

"I called 911 already," John sat down and pulled Sam and Cas into his lap, "Let's just wait here, okay?" He was shaken too, a claw mark across the side of his head and a gash down his back told Cas enough as to why.

"Is it… still alive?" Castiel dared to ask in the following stillness, Mary promptly shook her head.

"Your mom took care of it," John explained and kissed the top of Cas' head, "I'm sorry I doubted you, Cas." He whispered low and the boy shook his head.

"You went back, that's enough."

Christmas that year was spent in the precinct, questions and answers that brought more question to sanity than anything else. But the evidence was hard to argue. The police put the following story together;

_Samuel Campbell had gone berserk when Castiel Winchester was removed from his home. His first acts of violence were toward his grandchildren as they played in the backyard, Christian Campbell, Gwen Campbell, and Mark Campbell were dead instantly. Dean Winchester covered his younger brother Samuel Winchester and supposedly took a minor blow to the head, briefly knocking him unconscious. There was no lasting damage though he was soaked in blood._

_Deanna Campbell attempted to stop her husband but only made it to the back entrance of her home where Samuel caught her and decapitated her. Mary Winchester had been looking on through the window at the transpiring events and proceeded to get her father's attention, supposedly to keep him away from her children. Samuel followed her through the house, injuring her head and twisting her leg in the process. As she escaped to the master bedroom John Winchester returned with Castiel, while Castiel went to his brothers in the backyard John entered the home. Quickly he was alerted to the distress upstairs and hurried to his wife's aid._

_John managed to reach Mary and stand over her to receive a deep gash to his back. The wound looks as though it were made by an animal as large as a bear with claws twice as long, but both Winchesters have said that Samuel Campbell was the one who delivered the blow. As John stood up against Samuel, Mary slipped away and reached her father's gun closet. Breaking open the glass casing, she removed a hunting rifle, one she says she's had training to use. As she loaded it John received swipe to the head, this time dodging the blow enough to only receive small scars. It took two shots to take Samuel Campbell down._

_At some point from when it started to when he murdered his wife, Samuel's face contorted into the grotesque expression seen in the file photography. His mouth split open and his jaw pulled up the sides of his skull past his ears. His eyes were completely black, his hands enlarged with thick, two feet long fingernails, and his skin as tough as leather._

Castiel didn't care for the story, it was in the news now and it was the same story every time. His heart ached when he thought of it, his family destroyed in a few minutes. They went to far too many funerals that year.


	14. 13 Years-Old: Confused and Something Else

The Christmas before Castiel and Dean turned 10 was the last time Cas had seen anything significant in the ways of his abilities. He'd wanted to explain to Dean what had happened back there, that maybe Dean hadn't survived it the way he thought he had. But Cas decided not to. Some things were better kept to you, and maybe resurrection was one of those things. Their celebrations were done around New Years; a little later than normal but Cas still had Jet's family over nonetheless. It had been a quiet celebration.

Regardless of that holiday's passing and how unfortunate the year had been, they all moved on. Into junior high and so forth, Castiel marveled at the world around him. Everyone was changing, he was changing too but it didn't seem to be as quickly as some of the others. Girls in his class, like Charlie, were acting stranger, not by much but enough that he noticed. And in turn, Dean and Jet had started to take notice of the girls in their classes. Castiel wasn't quite sure what they would whisper about, but the long weekend in September of their 8th grade explained it a little bit more to him.

They were invited to their first mixed party, one where boys and girls were in attendance. It was Bela Talbot's birthday and she insisted on a select group of people. It wasn't that select, Cas discovered after hearing how many kids would be there. Apparently everyone was invited, or so Bela's friend Lisa had said.

He stepped out of the Impala with Dean and Jet as Mary waved them off, telling them to have a good time. Cas headed nonchalantly toward the door when Dean caught his arm, "Cas, what're you doing?" he hissed in a way that made Cas wonder if maybe there were a wasp nearby.

"I'm going inside," he explained softly, just in case he shouldn't speak too loud.

"Dude, don't you get it?" Jet's tone was almost exactly like Dean's; Cas felt he'd missed something important. "This is a party with girls, our first guy-girl party ever."

"It's a birthday party for Bela, she's in our class." Cas screwed up his face and shook his head, "I don't get it, why're you two so weird right now?"

The other two exchanged an exasperated look and shrugged, "Forget it, you don't care I guess." Jet straightened his back and walked up to the door, "Just let me do the talking, okay?"

"I can do the talking too," Dean protested a little and stood at their friend's side in the entrance. Cas squinted his eyes and stared at the backs of their heads as they rang the doorbell.

Mrs. Talbot opened the fancy door and looked down at the three boys with a warm smile, "You must be here for the party, come inside and tell me your names."

"I'm Jet, this is Dean and that's Cas."

Dean elbowed Jet's side as they stepped in, "I wanted to do the talking," he growled and Jet shrugged again.

"It's smoother if one person does the introducing, chill out."

Cas watched as Bela's mom quickly made three lines on a sheet of paper. He figured it was a list of kids coming to the birthday bash. "Are we the first ones here?"

"Oh no, you're actually last." She beamed at them and walked into the main entrance where Cas first realized the sheer size of the building. There were two large staircases leading to the second floor, a chandelier hanging from the ceiling like the movies, and everything looked pristine and as clean as you can make it. "Girls, the boys are here!"

There was some chattering upstairs but soon three girlish heads cropped up to look down at them, Bela and her besties Lisa and Meg. Cas squinted again as he realized Lisa lied to him, 'everyone' was not invited to this party.

"Hey guys," Bela smirked down at them like a devilish predator, Lisa's and Meg's expressions flexing to match. Cas didn't know what to say about it, but his eyes were drawn to Meg. Not in the same way that Dean's and Jet's were caught, though. He was wary of her. Something felt off, a bit familiar but not in the friendly sort of way.

"Hey," Jet replied smoothly, his mouth curved up in his usual smirk. Cas had learned to love that smile all the more since Jet's father passed those few years ago. And in the same way, he found himself joyful and happy for every little thing that Dean could and would do. Fear of losing him was ever present at the back of his mind, Cas couldn't quite shake it.

The three of them ascended the staircase on the right side, following Jet's lead up to meet the girls. "So who else is here?" Cas asked knowing the answer already but he saw no harm in trying. Who knew, maybe he was wrong?

"Just us," Lisa responded as if she hadn't told Cas otherwise earlier that week.

He should have known that it was a bad idea to continue forward, he should've but he didn't; hindsight was 20/20 after all. Before any of the boys knew it they sat in a circle in the pattern boy-girl-boy etc. Cas looked at Lisa and Meg on either side of him, then at Dean beyond Lisa just to see if Dean was as confused as he was. Dean's expression was very similar to his; he felt a little more relaxed knowing that.

"So we're gonna play a game," Bela explained as Cas looked around the sitting room. He'd never seen a house with so many rooms, doors that led everywhere and they could just pick one to sit in? No way, he wanted to see the rest of the house. Of course he couldn't do that, he had to sit where he was and listen to the birthday girl. She placed a bottle in the middle of the circle and Cas knew what it was, one of those cliché party games he'd seen on TV and read about in some books.

"Serious?" Dean asked in exasperation at the same time that Jet's comment:

"For real?" escaped him. The difference was Jet was a bit excited for it, Cas could tell that Dean wasn't as into the 'I wanna kiss a girl' phase as Jet was. In the future he'd laugh at himself for calling it a phase but at that time he didn't know wanting a kiss wasn't a thing that would pass.

"For real," Bela's smile was cat-like and a bit scary to Castiel.

She started by spinning the bottle; Cas quietly and secretly hoped it wouldn't land on him. And to his luck and amusement, it landed on Meg. "Oh, maybe I should redo-" she started to say but Meg stopped her.

"Then the boys can redo it if they get each other, there'd be a lot of bottle spinning so just come here." Meg was a bit of a firecracker; Cas remembered that from school. She made him nervous though, something didn't quite look right but he couldn't see it, not even when he squinted.

Regardless, the girls shared a kiss. Cas didn't care but Dean and Jet seemed to warm up to it. Now it was Meg's turn and as she leaned down to grab the bottle her eyes snapped up to meet his. It was brief, it was fast and he barely understood why she grinned like she had. But nonetheless it spun and for a second he thought it'd land on him. A silent moment of fear passed as it slowed down much further away from him and rested on Jet. Cas breathed a quiet sigh of relief. He didn't really like the game.

Jet and Meg kissed easily; she sunk against him like she really knew what she was doing. Not like a teenager who was just playing it for the first time but someone who had done it before. Knowing Bela and her crew, they had probably all kissed older guys before. Cas didn't want to ask though. Jet didn't fumble with her and didn't shy away, maybe that was why Meg let it last so long.

They broke it off and Cas admired that grin of his all over again, at least Jet was having fun. He couldn't complain as long as that was the case. Jet spun the bottle and Cas didn't care where it landed, at least not until it landed on Dean.

And he didn't know he cared until the two awkwardly moved closer, their expressions a little tight as they inched in but their eyes closed as they were supposed to. Not even a snarky comment, nothing saying 'okay let's just get this over with.' No, none of that came out. They just did it, leaned in and touched lips. Cas froze when he saw, Dean's eyebrows lifted slightly and he swore he heard the softest gasp of air. Cas felt his face heat up, his ears burned and he clenched his hands into fists.

Why did this make him so angry? He didn't know but that shouldn't have mattered, right? It bothered him, but it shouldn't have. He frowned and looked away, not wanting to see them separate, not wanting to see who Dean kissed next.

Was it Dean that bothered him? His brother kissing people bugged him? He didn't get it. Maybe it was because he knew eventually Dean would get a girlfriend and move on, his attention would be elsewhere. Cas didn't want Dean to stop giving him attention; he didn't want to lose Dean.

That was probably it; he didn't like the idea of Dean kissing other people because he knew where it'd lead eventually. The decision of why it bugged him was as good as any but it distracted Cas from the reality he was sitting in. A hand caught his chin and turned his head. It was then that he heard the subtle 'oooh' sound from the girls and some giggling, but that drifted from his mind just as easily as he'd caught it.

Dean stared Cas in the eye, a light blush on his freckled cheeks and a somewhat shy look on his face as he leaned in closer. Cas' heart skipped a beat. His eyes widened as Dean's lips brushed his, his heart skipped again. He closed his eyes and let himself fall into it, mind lost in his first kiss. Dean's lips were warm, his breath heated the skin it reached and Cas' body started to feel prickly.

 

 

Then it was over, a quick and unexpected moment gone as fast as it had come. It left Cas with more questions than he'd wanted to deal with.

It wasn't right.

His face was flushed and his stomach felt queasy.

Dean was his brother, it was wrong.

His heart raced and he touched his fingertips to his lips, unable to speak.

He shouldn't like it. He should laugh it off as a brother moment. He shouldn't enjoy it and he should definitely not want more.

But he did.

"Cas," Dean nudged him and Cas flinched.

"What?"

"You're turn, man."

"Uh…" He blinked a few times and looked down at the bottle. "Uhm… right I guess…"

He'd liked it. The realization wouldn't leave him as he reached for the plastic thing. That wasn't right, he should feel sick with himself for this. Cas' lower lip trembled as he spun it, unable to understand what he was doing.

"Cas?" Dean touched his shoulder and Cas flinched a second time.

"Yes?" he swallowed anxiously and looked up, almost unable to look Dean in the face. But he had. If he didn't Dean would know.

"You don't look so good," Dean reached up and put a hand to his forehead, it was only then that he perceived how clammy he felt. "Are you okay?"

"I think I…" Cas pushed the back of his hand against his eyes and rubbed at them, he felt himself choke up. "I wanna go home." He mumbled with a heavy sigh, trying to keep himself from crying.

"Maybe you should lie down for a bit," Lisa spoke softly and showed him to where he could do just that. Cas curled up there and remained very still for some time, he heard their game continue but he was too lost in his own head to really pay attention.

He hadn't realized time passed at all when he felt a light touch on his shoulder. "Hey Cas?" Dean whispered and he stirred a little; he'd fallen asleep.

"Hm?" he blinked wearily at his brother, Dean's expression held more worry than Cas had expected. He felt a little bad for it.

"How're you feeling? Should I call mom?"

Cas sat up and shook his head, "No… I feel better now, sorry I scared you."

Dean leaned down and hugged him, "It's okay, just… just be okay."

Cas hugged back and nodded, his heart raced again and he wished it wouldn't. Being so close to Dean he could feel the energy that he loved, that bright light warmed him and eased his nerves. Cas closed his eyes and rested his head against Dean's shoulder, letting his brother's radiance reach him. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it was because he could see this part of Dean that he felt so oddly attached. But Cas never wanted to give it up; he didn't want to stop seeing Dean's soul or being able to touch it.

He decided to ask his mom later, if he ever got the courage to do so. Until then, there was a party to be had so he rejoined the fun. The spin-the-bottle game had ended and they were on to playing 'Cards Against Humanity.' Cas hadn't ever played it before but the girls insisted it was way too much fun to pass up.

They were right. By the end of the day they were laughing too hard to breathe, Cas' sides hurt and he had to wipe his fair share of tears away from his eyes. Cake had been served, presents opened and then dinner. He'd never had cake before dinner, it was probably the coolest thing that happened that day.

"The girls aren't so bad," he said as they walked to the Impala, Mary was waiting to pick them up.

"You kidding?" Jet smirked at him, "They're awesome! I think I might ask Bela out."

"Why, because you liked that kiss so much?" Dean elbowed Jet's side and Cas realized the other boy's face actually turned a shade of red. He'd wondered if Jet's darker skin could blush, apparently yes.

"Maybe, why?" Jet asked defensively as he replied to Dean's nudge with a shove of his own.

"I dunno, you were pretty into our kiss too- OW!" Dean hopped up and down a bit after Jet kicked his shin. "Dick!"

"Shut it, Winchester." Jet's serious expression cracked as he broke into a laugh, "That's gay."

"So?" Cas responded before he could stop himself, "What's wrong with that?"

"I dunno, it's just a thing people say Cas, doesn't mean anything." Jet grabbed the handle to the backseat and hopped in behind Mary.

Dean got in shotgun and Cas sat beside Jet, contemplating that last bit of 'wisdom.'

"How was the party, boys?" Mary looked at them as if it'd been a whole day.

"It was only a few hours so we played some games, ate some cake. You know, party stuff." Jet was the first to answer; he liked being the first one – it meant his word was the first impression.

"We had dinner  _after_  dessert." Cas pointed out excitedly, "So it was pretty cool."

"Oh, did you now?" Mary smirked and glanced back at him, "Don't get used to that, young man."

"No ma'am." Cas grinned back at her. He wasn't sure what telling her would help; he knew already that he shouldn't have liked the kiss. He knew he should probably stop being so close to Dean but he also knew he wouldn't. Mary would tell him not to and he'd be disobeying. Instead he just wouldn't ask, wouldn't bring it up, and it'd be fine. It wasn't the end of the world, it was okay to keep that to himself.

 


	15. 13 Years-Old: Bullies and Dating

Castiel stared out the window during their mathematics class, his eyes drawn to the way the sunlight lingered on the single tree he could see. It was autumn; the leaves were golden and red, bathing the earth in their colours. Cas wondered how anyone could just sit inside like that, listening to some teacher drone on about numbers and calculations when part of him knew he wouldn't need it much past basic arithmetic. He wasn't going into any scientific field, he already knew that without having to fall asleep in those classes.

"Castiel, would you please pay attention?" Mr. Milton expressed tiredly - everything about him was tired. Cas wondered how he could possibly get some life into that man.

"Sorry sir," He smiled sheepishly and glanced back outside, "I was just wondering if maybe this would less boring if we went outside?" Some of the other students chuckled, maybe it was funny but he didn't quite understand why. He was serious.

"No, we are not having class outside, stop asking." Mr. Milton went back to the chalkboard.

"Pft, yeah right." Gordon snorted and looked at his buddies, "Weird-chester would probably just float off into space, fuckin' dreamer."

"Watch it," Jet hissed at the other boy, his nose wrinkled in a snarl, "Or we'll see who's seeing stars first."

"You're on, Tull." Kubrick challenged, Gordon rolled his eyes and lowered his head a bit. Jet wasn't someone he wanted to fight, because if you're fighting Jet you're fighting Dean and they weren't the types to go down easy.

Cas lowered his head and looked down at his papers, his hand fiddling with a pen mindlessly. He glanced back at the bright world outside his classroom one more time before Mr. Milton shut the blinds entirely. His heart sank and he stared forward at the chalkboard, the dull, dusty and faded grey that it was. He pushed air out past his lips, letting them do the thing Dean called 'raspberries.'

"Mr. Winchester that is enough!" Mr. Milton was apparently at his wits end already. Cas shrunk in his seat feeling a little scolded.

"I didn't do anything," Dean grinned at the teacher and Cas had to cover his mouth before he laughed.

"Not  _you_ , Dean."

"But I'm a Mr. Winchester too, how am I supposed to know?"

"Both of you see me after class." And that was the end of that discussion.

Cas leaned over to his brother, "You didn't have to do that." He whispered and Dean shrugged.

"It was pretty funny though, wasn't it?"

Cas smiled and shook his head, "You're awful, you know that?"

They suffered until the bell, watching as everyone else packed up. Jet nudged him lightly and Cas glanced over at his friend's retreating back. It was a thing Jet did as a goodbye and good luck. He wouldn't say it; he hated saying goodbye to people so he'd give them a light smack, a pat on the shoulder, a nudge. Something physical that said he was there, that got your attention and let you watch him leave. He didn't like to say it, so Cas never made him.

Dean and Castiel walked up to Mr. Milton's desk, each with an entirely different expression. Cas was a bit nervous, he didn't like to get into trouble but Dean just grinned like a Cheshire cat. Something he got from Jet, Cas knew. He'd never learned that trick, to smile and be smug when you got into petty trouble like that, Dean and Jet were always so good at it.

"Now boys I know that you don't like sitting in class, you in particular Castiel." He took on a special tone for them, apparently ignoring Dean's arrogance. "But I need you to pay attention, as much as you don't think it's important you  _will_  need math in the future."

"For what?" Cas blurted out, he never was that good at holding his tongue.

"For future endeavours, such as getting into a good college."

"But what if I don't want to take anything with math?" Cas objected and furrowed his brow; he always hated the rules of this place. The school system felt rotten, his freedom tied down and he was forced to sit in a boring dull classroom. That was bad enough but to tell him he needed something useless to him just to do more useless things, it was too much.

"You still need it to get into the establishment. No university will accept you if your scores are too low. I'm telling you this now because next year it will matter, everything you do from your freshman year and on it counts. Please start taking this seriously, you don't want to fall behind."

Castiel felt his core burning up but he said nothing and nodded. School infuriated him, it always had. Sure, he enjoyed some of the work and the projects. He loved making friends and meeting others that had new interests and different opinions but he missed his freedom. When would he ever get that back?

"And Dean," Mr. Milton looked at his smug brother exhaustedly, "enough with the smart mouth. You two are free to go."

"Thanks," Dean gave a wink and put an arm around Cas' shoulders, leading him to the door.

"This is bullshit," Cas muttered and stuck his lower lip a bit further out as he pouted.

"Sure is, but we'll be done in five years." Dean gave him a squeeze and dropped his arm seamlessly, "Try and look forward to it."

"Psh," Cas scoffed and looked down the hall. "Where'd Jet go?"

"From what happened earlier I think he's outside." Dean cracked with a smirk as he hurried out, Cas right on his heels.

The sight they met was Jet standing against Gordon; Kubrick had backed off with a bloody nose. "Boys, boys," Dean raised his hands as he approached, "Maybe we can come to an agreement here?"

Gordon looked at him nervously; sweat beaded on his forehead a little more when Jet cracked his neck once. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

Dean was still smiling as he walked right up to Gordon's side and didn't hesitate to give the other boy a solid punch to the gut. Gordon doubled forward onto Dean's right hand while his left gave him a good pat on the back. "You apologize to my brother and we leave you alone."

"Stop," Cas protested loudly, "Dean it isn't worth it."

Jet raised an eyebrow at him, "Cas if you keep letting them get away with that shit you'll never stop 'em."

"I don't need to be violent to stand up for myself, that's enough." Cas pulled Dean back, "They're only words, Dean. Are you punching him because you feel I need defending or are you punching because you just want to?"

Dean frowned and pulled away, "It's for  _you_ , Cas." He was angry, Cas didn't doubt Dean did it in his name but he didn't like it.

"I never asked you to hurt him."

"Guys like him don't learn any other way." Jet folded his arms over his chest and Cas shook his head.

"You're both guys 'like him' if that's the case." He scolded them and the more he did the more their faces twisted, they didn't like it. "I'm grateful that you'd defend me, I really am but this is too far. Please don't hurt anyone in my name." He looked at Gordon and Kubrick, "Get him to the nurse." Gordon didn't say another word and ushered his friend away.

Dean relaxed once they were gone; Cas could feel it and made his chest lift a little easier. Jet was stubborn but he didn't seem to want to push the subject. "Sorry, Cas." Dean conceded and ran his hand up through his hair once.

"Whatever, man." Jet consented as well, his anger subsiding slowly.

"Thanks guys." Cas smiled, "Now let's go eat, lunch time is the best thing we've got to look forward to."

* * *

 

Castiel packed up his things from his half locker at the end of the day, Dean had gone ahead because he was a bit late and Dean would keep the bus from leaving without him. Cas couldn't wait until the freshman year where he'd get a full locker, half lockers could barely hold any of the schoolwork let alone his backpack and jacket in the cooler months.

"Hey Cas," Meg dropped against the locker next to his, Dean's was right beside him and they'd both gotten top lockers.

"Uh, hi Meg." Castiel felt his stomach turn a little, she made him feel weird and never in a good way.

"So… I was wondering if you've got time this Friday?" She asked a little hopeful. He paused and looked at her curiously, was she playing coy or was she actually a bit shy to talk to him? Maybe he'd gotten the wrong impression of her.

"I do, why?"

"Wanna go see a movie with me?" Her face was always so calm and sarcastic, an odd combo but Cas didn't question it further than that. Her expression was always a bit worrisome for him but her tone was friendly enough.

Cas nodded, "Sure, I'll ask my mom and let you know tomorrow, 'kay?"

"Sounds good," Meg gave him a wink and walked off. Cas watched her go a few steps before Jet knocked him on the head.

"Ow! Hey, what's the big-"

"You're gonna miss your bus, genius." Jet grinned at him, reminding Cas that Jet didn't have to bus, he was close enough to the school to walk. Sure, his walk was about 20 minutes but it was still closer than his family.

"Right! Shit, sorry." Cas threw whatever into his bag, not sure if it really was that night's homework or not, and turned to run to the doors. Jet shoved him as he went, "Yeah, see ya!" He shouted as he bolted down the hall and outside. He saw the first bus taking off and waved frantically at his. It didn't move, he was sure Dean had the driver by the nose hairs at that point. He ran up to the door and clambered in, "I'm so sorry," he huffed as he stumbled to his usual seat. Dean was standing up, no doubt yelling moments previously.

"You almost missed it," Sam whispered to him as he passed.

"I know," Cas smiled at his little brother, ruffling the boy's hair as he passed. He dropped next to Dean and heaved a sigh of relief.

"Dude."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Seriously, what the hell took you so long?" Dean stared at him incredulously and Cas wasn't sure he really had an answer to that.

"I was getting my homework and… well Meg stopped and talked to me. She wants to see me on Friday for a movie." He looked at Dean a little worriedly, "I said I'd ask mom."

"I thought she creeped you out?"

"She does, I just think maybe I've misjudged her, that's all." He looked out the window and dropped his gaze to the dirt that moved outside the bus. He touched his fingers to his lips, his stomach twisted again.

Dean shrugged, "Well maybe it'll be good for you, I mean you never seem interested in girls so it's a good first step."

"What if I…" Cas wanted to ask it. He wanted to ask 'what if I like someone already?' 'what if I like you?' 'what if I'd prefer my brother?' He pressed a hand to his abdomen, "What if I mess up?" He said instead.

"You're too nervous, loosen up and that stomach cramp will go away in no time." Dean shoved his shoulder and Cas could've sworn he would throw up. He didn't though. "It's your first date, what could you possibly mess up? Just don't puke on her and you're good."

"Easier said than done, I think." Cas groaned and tried to relax. They reached their home after several stops and about 30 minutes. It took so goddamn long, but it was away from school so Cas didn't mind watching the scenery every day.

They walked inside; Sam was challenging Dean to some kind of contest. Sam was in grade 4 already, that day during some free time his class was having a contest to see who had the best whistling skills, best belching, finger snapping, and a bunch of other useless traits. Cas didn't take part; he walked over to where Mary was busily putting a new hinge on a cupboard in the kitchen. She'd gotten a new set of screwdrivers for her birthday and she was anxious to use them, Cas wouldn't have been surprised if she'd broken the hinge on purpose.

"Hey mom?" He dropped his bag on the nearest chair and wandered over to where she was knelt on the floor.

"What's up, sweetheart?" Mary responded without looking, he didn't mind.

"What… uhm… can I go see a movie on Friday?"

Mary lifted her head and looked at him curiously, "Which movie did you want to see?"

"Well I don't know, but Meg asked if I could. I said I'd ask you."

Mary smiled and put her tools down, "Your first date, huh?" She got up and dusted off her jeans, "Alright sure, I'll give you money for it." She was pretty excited, probably thought it was cute. "My little boys are growing up so fast, already dating."

"Mom?" Cas fidgeted and looked away, her attention back on him. "What if… what if I don't like her?"

"Then you'll find out pretty quick," She sounded calm, like she'd dealt with that kind of thing before. "If you don't like someone you don't have to be around them, nothing's tying you down Cas."

He smiled, a bit relieved, he felt maybe he had the courage to ask her. "And what if I don't like girls?"

Mary looked surprised for a moment but she shrugged, "Then you won't go out with girls, no one says you have to date them either."

Cas went to hug her, his face pressed against her as he sighed heavily, trying to keep himself from crying. He couldn't tell her about the kiss with Dean, he knew that. But this was good enough. Hell it was better than good; he didn't have to worry about Friday. If he didn't like it he didn't have to stay. "Love you, mom."

"I love you too, sweetheart." Mary brushed a hand over his head soothingly.


	16. 13 Years-Old: You're Not the Mean One

Cas exhaled lightly as he adjusted his shirt for the thousandth time. He wasn't sure why but he now felt like it didn't fit right as opposed to that morning have fit perfectly. Maybe it was his skin, he felt weird in his own body, it wasn't pleasant. Friday had arrived, he was as nervous as he could get but that was okay, he'd get over it and the date would be fun. He was sure of it.

"She's probably gonna pick some girly movie," Dean pestered him playfully.

"No way, man!" Jet dropped down beside them, it was lunch and everyone had heard about it by then. Most people didn't date at 13 so it was quite the buzz. "Dude, it's  _Meg_. She's gonna take him to like a monster truck rally or something. Don't worry Cas, it'll be either horror or action."

Cas frowned a bit, "But I don't really like those movies…" he muttered and Jet ran a hand down his face.

"Alright then never mind, you'll have an awful time."

"Not helping," Cas smirked at him.

"What movies do you like, then?" Jet asked, flustered.

"Animated movies and documentaries." Dean spoke for him and Cas nodded.

Jet was quiet while he watched Cas carefully, "You're weird, man." He finally said and had the other two laughing. "Seriously, who likes documentaries?"

"They're kinda cool," Cas shrugged and took a bite out of his ham sandwich. "You learn a lot of stuff."

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Jet pointed at him and Cas nearly choked on it.

"Don't point at people, it's rude." Dean countered with a grin, getting a light smack from Jet.

"Besides, you barely pay attention in school, I thought you hated learning." Jet muttered as he unpacked his lunch and glared with jealous envy at his PB&J sandwich, wishing it had some meat. Dean wordlessly traded them around, snatched it right out of Jet's hands and put his own made of ham there instead.

"I love to learn, I just like to do it my own way." Castiel said after swallowing, his hand brushing past his lips to push away the crumbs.

"According to my mom you're not gonna get very far with that." Jet mumbled around a mouthful of ham and cheese, Cas stared at him but thought better of mentioning it.

"Why does she say that?"

"Because the world doesn't revolve around you. Sooner you see that the sooner you'll make it."

Dean scrunched up his nose and looked at their friend as he had already devoured half his traded sandwich. "That doesn't make sense, I mean I get the world doesn't revolve around Cas but how does seeing that help him get anywhere? Or thinking it does revolve around him not get him somewhere? I think it's unrelated."

"No," Jet swallowed and shook his head at Dean, "because to get anything you need to get it from somewhere. And usually that somewhere is actually from  _someone_. So your world suddenly revolves around  _them_  and not you, because you can't keep going without what  _they_  have."

"What do they have?" Cas tilted his head and Jet looked like he could've smacked him.

"That depends on the situation, say you're starving to death and Dean has the only food in a hundred miles. What do you do?"

"I ask him for it."

"Right, you need him. You need that other person for you to keep existing. Just like that, on a bigger scale, we need everyone else so we can keep going. The world can't ever revolve around one person." Jet explained like he'd been told it a hundred times. And maybe Nikki had said it to him over and over, probably because Jet was usually such a self-interested little brat. It needed to be said until he got it.

"What about those people who live on their own in the mountains and stuff?" Dean asked, Cas could tell he was just looking for something to throw a wrench in Jet's theory.

"Those people are sadder than they think." Jet replied simply and continued to eat.

Dean shrugged and did the same, not worrying about speaking with his mouth full either. "What gives you that impression?"

"Because if they think they're happy when they're that alone then there's nothing we can do for 'em."

"I disagree." Cas joined with a half-smile, "You can be alone and happy, Jet. Some people like the quiet, they like to think and they like to be by themselves. There's nothing wrong with that."

Dean paused while he chewed and after gulping his food down he licked his lips. His gaze fell to Cas questioningly, "Then what do they do when they want a hug? Or talk to someone?"

"I s'pose they don't need hugs. Lots of people out there, Dean. All kinds, I bet there are plenty who get by just fine without physical affection or being with someone. The earth comforts them, the sound of nature and just knowing that they're okay by themselves. I kinda get it, really." Cas nodded thoughtfully and went on to unwrap a granola bar.

"S'weird, that's what it is." Jet muttered to himself, more or less.

"Hey Weird-chester!" Gordon shouted across the lunchroom, immediately receiving the middle finger from both Dean and Jet simultaneously. "Heard you were going on a date with Meg Masters tonight." He walked up to their table, though he stayed on the opposite side from Jet and Dean, Kubrick was with him and a few other guys Cas didn't pay attention to. Kubrick's face was bandaged up and Cas noticed Gordon wasn't standing quite as straight as he normally did, his body hunched forward just slightly. Apparently what he had to say to him was more important than his safety because he dared approached the people who'd hurt him the last time.

All said and done though, Cas wondered briefly where the asshole had heard about his date. But he knew better, Meg was part of the popular girl crowd. Everyone knew.

"Better be nice to her."

"What're you, her attack dog?" Dean snarled at him, ironically, Cas thought.

Gordon didn't respond but his smirk said enough, he fancied himself her knight in shining armour. "Watch yourself, Winchester." He said as he departed, his posse following his lead quickly.

"Dick." Jet scoffed loud enough to be heard, he never was afraid to insult someone.

"It'll be fine, don't worry about that ass-clown." Dean reassured Cas who nodded in response.

"Remember, don't-"

"-hurt him, we know." Jet finished his sentence tiredly, waving his hand in Cas' direction. "I still stand by what I said last time, he'll never learn."

Cas smiled at him knowingly, "I can handle him, thank you."

* * *

 

Castiel exhaled deeply as the school's final bell rang, it was time for his date. He adjusted his shirt for the two thousandth time and told himself it'd be fun. Meg was just someone from his class, no more special than Jet, or Charlie, or Garth. He walked to the lockers and waved at Dean sheepishly, "I'll see you at home, I guess."

"Yeah man, break a leg." Dean clapped him on the back and Cas tensed against it. Part of him wanted to take the advice literally as a way to get out of it but he knew better. Dean didn't feel for him the same way he'd been struggling with feelings for Dean, his brother had his head on straight. Cas supposed it was better that at least one of them did.

He walked to the front doors and waited there, his hands sweatily clutching to his bag like a lifeline. He shifted his weight back and forth impatiently, repeating the same things to himself. Fun. He'd have fun and enjoy her company, Meg was pretty cool.

"Hey Cas," She called down the hall as she ran up to him, her mouth pulled in a sort of grin. "So wanna get some food first or something else?"

"Uh…" he shrugged dumbly and scratched the back of his head, "Food sounds good, I could eat." He was lying again, his stomach was in knots and it was only worse with her next to him. Cas was frustrated with himself, the other night he'd decided that if he didn't like it he wouldn't have to stick around and that had dissipated his nerves. But now he was anxious, his skin felt clammy and he was sure he'd developed an itchy rash all over his belly.

"You seem nervous, Cas." Meg leaned around to look at his face a bit better; he'd dropped his gaze down so his head had hung with it.

"No… well maybe… I don't know." Cas responded, and he really didn't know. He wasn't sure if he was nervous because it was his first date or if he was nervous about what Gordon said. Or maybe he just didn't want to be there but he didn't want to hurt her feelings and run off.

Meg laughed at him, nothing mean about it though it was definitely  _at_  him. "Just come on, it'll fun." She took his hand and led him outside, his feet stumbling along as he went.

"You're not nervous?" He asked as he managed to get his steps in line with hers.

"Maybe, maybe not. You're not that intimidating and you're not mean so what do I have to lose?" She sounded so calm; he envied that.

He nodded quietly until she added; "But you do."

"What?"

"You're the one with something to be nervous about." She grinned at him playfully, "I'm considered the mean on in my group."

"Oh, well I disagree." Cas countered casually, finding it a bit easier the more time went by. It had been maybe two minutes but that was enough to relax him. She didn't somehow manage to devour his face in that time so clearly it wasn't something to be worried over.

"You do?" Meg raised an eyebrow at him, a similar gesture he'd seen on Jet's face many times. Maybe it was the way he talked that got him that expression so often?

"You're not the mean one in your group, you're sarcastic. Bela's mean, even though she acts like the sweet one. Actually I prefer it when people are straightforward with me." He spoke matter-of-factly, a sagely nod following his words.

"You think my friend's mean?" Meg chose to focus on the one fact he'd uttered.

Cas faltered and shrugged again, "Uh… sort of." He cringed at his own words, he had no need to say this but honesty was something he strived for. "It's not that she  _is_  mean, but it's not that she  _isn't_  either. She says things and means another, intentionally not telling you the truth, and a lot of the time she just wants to see you squirm. I think that's mean. You're different, you tell someone to their face what you think." He's mouth pulled up in a smirk remembering the last instance he'd seen it, "For example, if your group thought someone was wearing something awful Bela would tell them it was cute and lie. You'd straight up call it ugly. It can be mean to be so blunt but I think it's worse to pretend and have worse intentions."

Meg shook her head at him, "You think too much, Cas."

"Mom says that can be a good thing."

"And you bring up your mom on a date." She pointed out and had his face flushing in embarrassment.

"Well… she does say that." He smiled at her, "But I meant it, you aren't mean. You should be nicer to yourself."

Meg punched his arm, "Shut up and go on this damn date with me already."

Cas rubbed his arm and nodded, "I know the burger place nearby is pretty good, we could go there."

"Sure," she responded easily and he felt the urge to look at her. She was smiling; her head angled away from his, long hair shielding it a little. He reached across mentally, a moment in time too short to measure. He touched her; he wanted to know more than he did. She was happy; on the surface of her mind she was at peace and even seemed to like him. It was refreshing; like she rarely got a moment with another person resembling the brief conversation they'd just shared. Just as self-conscious as he was, or Dean, or Jet had ever been despite the outward shell. Cas smiled to himself and gently soothed it, or at least he tried. He couldn't reach far enough to do anything other than view it; there was something different in her. He couldn't see it more than what she wanted him to see.

Cas furrowed his brow and looked at her a little more inquisitively, her gaze catching his in a spark. It made him uneasy again. Why couldn't he see her? What was in his way?

"You okay, Cas?" She asked in a tone that made his stomach twist a little.

"Yes," he said quickly, "I just… I hope I didn't offend you."

"Not at all," her smile was charming, but in the same way he knew Jet's could be. Manipulative underneath the kindness, she didn't mean what her expression said.

He followed her inside the restaurant, again feeling anxious but this time he couldn't find the source of why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all of you guys. Lately I've been getting some amazing messages and reviews and I have to say they've really given me some new life. Some of you may already know that I graduated from college back in the start of May. Since then I've been in a sort of shock and I didn't know what to do with myself, I was still in a low paying, pathetic job, I didn't get hired into my field, and was generally viewed by some family as the 'person they didn't want to see themselves become.' I've been very depressed but I'm starting to feel a lot better and I think a big part of that is thanks to you guys.
> 
> So thank you again, I really needed the help.


	17. 13 Years-Old: Get Some Perspective

A bus ride without Cas seemed weirder than Dean originally thought possible. He sat in the usual seat and no one sat next to him, probably all assuming Cas would be there late as he tended to be. He chose to look out the window, watching the scenery fly by like Cas always did, what did he ever do without Cas? He was sure there was something -play with Sam? Video games. Reading. Drawing maybe? Throw a ball back and forth with his mom or dad? Something. Whatever, it didn't matter. Cas would only be gone a few hours anyway, his date with Meg couldn't go past that, right?

Dean felt a pang in his chest, like his heart protested to the thought. Cas was on a date. Dean briefly touched his fingers to his lips but stopped just as soon as he had started, it was stupid. He didn't want to remember that moment shared between them, he didn't want to remember how Cas had gotten sick from it. Cas literally had to lie down afterward, like kissing him had been what threw him off. Dean knew it was probably already there beforehand; Cas wouldn't have tried to make him feel bad like that on purpose.

* * *

_The bottle spun, Dean watched it just like the other two though with a little less of Jet's enthusiasm. First kisses, the game would lead to his first kiss. Who would it be with? Would Bela's spin land on him? His thoughts travelled a mile a minute and when it landed on Meg he didn't know what to say. Two girls kissing? They'd redo it; they couldn't have the same gender kissing-_

_He was wrong. Meg and Bela shared that first moment together all based on the idea that the boys might get one another too. Dean felt his face heating up but not enough to show yet, redness lingered just beneath his skin and ready to paint it. What if he had to kiss Jet? Or Cas? He heard his heart flutter a little, felt the strangest beating it'd ever done, and wondered just what the hell happened to him? If it landed on Jet or Cas he'd just go and kiss them, easy as that. Get it over with, finish it off without saying anything about it and leave it at that. No need for things to get weird._

_Meg kissed Jet and the bottle was spinning again, Dean had mostly missed it but he caught enough to realize the first one out of the three of them to get a kiss by a girl was Jet. Figures._

_Then it stopped and this time he didn't know what to say, it was on him. He looked up and reminded himself of what he'd just thought. Don't say anything, just do it and get it over with. He moved to meet Jet halfway; his friend said nothing, their eyes met briefly and Dean could've sworn he saw a hint of that grin. Jet was enjoying this, he realized as their mouths met and the boy he knew since kindergarten stole his first kiss. Dean didn't expect the warmth of it, the blush in his skin threatened to bleed through but it hadn't yet, at least he hoped not. It was short but in that small amount of time he felt Jet's tongue on his lips, just once and very lightly but it made him gasp all the same._

_And then it was over. Dean moved back to his spot and grabbed the bottle, he glanced at Cas to see what his brother was thinking or what expression he'd find and was surprised. Castiel was angry, his eyes intense, his gaze turned the other way and his hands balled into fists hard enough to shake. Dean spun the bottle as he was supposed to but he couldn't stop thinking about Cas. Why was he so angry? Why was he upset like that? Maybe he didn't want to play the game, or maybe he liked someone that was already kissed?_

_Maybe it was Jet?_

_Dean didn't get the chance to think about it, the bottle stopped and he followed the line of fire to Castiel again. He had to kiss Cas too, right after Jet. The girls didn't help, they 'ooh'ed at them and giggled, he tried to ignore it. Dean decided to get it over with but as he moved in closer Castiel looked to the bottle and then up at him. His heart skipped again, that weird flutter and he nearly fell over. What was with that look? Innocent, as pure as anything that could exist on the Earth and breaking his heart. Dean didn't know if he could do it, his face flushed and he knew Cas could see it, Cas could see just about everything about him and inside him._

_But he couldn't linger there staring him in the eyes, Dean moved in though a little unsure of himself. He pressed his lips to Cas' softly at first but his brother melted right into it, made it real and Dean had never felt so enticed to continue to do anything. It swarmed over his body like a sugar rush, his skin felt hot and his heart pounded in his ears. It was nothing like kissing Jet, Cas was soft and warm and so inviting, so strong. Jet was just like he'd expect someone unused to kissing to be, not to mention a bit pushy because that's just what Jet was. Cas was… his entire being seemed to leak into Dean just through the last two or three seconds of contact. It was too much, he felt his knees weaken and his arms shake. Dean didn't want the others to know what it felt like, how much he felt he might've needed it, so he pulled away._

_Dean sat down again, surprised but he managed to keep his composure._

* * *

That kiss, why couldn't he forget it? Cas' mouth was so warm. Dean wanted to punch himself, Cas was his brother. He told himself that over and over again, Castiel was his brother and he would  _not_  have any of those kinds of thoughts in his head. But Cas was… Cas was so soft against him, unyielding and melding against him so easily. Like kissing an angel.

He smacked his head against the glass, quietly moaning to himself against the pain. He wouldn't do that; he couldn't put Cas in that position. He repeated this to himself over and over and over some more, but it didn't dispel the feeling. He wanted to kiss Cas again; Dean wanted to hold him a little closer. He didn't know how yet, how to love a boy that way, but he'd look it up. Even if it were just to know, not to act on but to know it. There's another thing to repeat to himself.

Dean and Sam hopped off the bus together, feeling stranger than normal without Castiel at their sides. Dean sniffled once and to his surprise caught Sam's attention, the shorter boy glancing up at his brother as if that were the most interesting thing to do. "So what do we do without Cas?"

"What do we ever do without Cas?" Dean smiled down at him and decidedly paused and waited for an answer.

Sam didn't seem to have one either so he stared intently forward until he made an attempt; "Uh… invite Jet over?"

"There's a thought but mom would have to go pick him up." Dean adjusted his bag over his shoulder as he unlocked their door and pushed it open. Sam followed in his footsteps; Dean wished he had an answer to 'what do we do without Cas.' Watch movies, play video games, do homework. The usual stuff, there was nothing new to lacking Castiel on a Friday evening. But that wasn't true; he knew that. Cas was always there.

"Hey boys," Mary called to them from down the hall, Dean had no idea what she was up to and was too busy kicking off his shoes to check. "How was school?"

"It was okay, just school." Dean answered and Sam shrugged at the same time.

The two shared a look, neither sure what to say until Sam called back to their mother, "Can we go pick Jet up?"

"What? Am I not interesting enough?" Dean scoffed at him and Sam shrugged.

"No… it's not that. I just don't get to see him that often, you always see him at school but I don't."

Dean's crinkled brow smoothed over as Sam's word sunk in, Jet wasn't just  _his_  friend. Dean shared friends with Castiel and with Sam, hell even his parents. "Sorry, I guess I forget that."

"Yeah," Sam nodded and neatly placed his shoes by the door, unlike the ones Dean had kicked to the side like a slob. "You can be pretty self centered."

"I'm not self centered!"

Mary joined them in the entrance; dust in her hair and all over her clothes, "Why not? I'm getting tired of cleaning out the broom closet, anyway."

"Why is it so messy?" Sam raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged.

"I don't clean the room that contains the cleaning supplies, doesn't usually come to mind."

Dean rolled his eyes and shoved his feet right back into his sneakers, "Then let's go. He's definitely home by now."

* * *

He wouldn't have said he was a fan of Jet's neighbourhood, not to mention it was actually quite the walk from the school. Jet lived in the town's trailer park, living was cheap and though a bus did travel through the area he never wanted to catch it. Jet preferred the walk, Cas agreed but Dean thought a bus would've been easier.

" _I want to be the only thing I have to rely on to get home."_ Jet had said once when the three of them walked to his place the first time. Dean wasn't pleased with how long the trip actually was, going to Jet's place for lunch wasn't at all a good use of time.

The trailers were pretty nice, considering, and each one had a small yard to take care of. Some put gardens there, some just kept it mowed and did nothing with it, and some even put up silly things like gnomes. The road to get there was pretty shit though, the landlord left the potholes as big as they were to keep drivers from going through the area any quicker than 12 miles an hour.

They finally pulled up to Jet's home; it was one of the shabbier looking places since Jet couldn't exactly do a lot of maintenance. Mary made a bit of a face at it, Dean figured she might be the one to come over and do just that. "Alright we're here, and since we are we might as well stay for a little bit." She turned the car off as Sam groaned in protest but said nothing more than that. Dean tried not to laugh.

"But Jet's here, Sam." Dean smirked at him, "Don't you want to see your boyfriend?"

"Shut up, I don't like Jet!" Sam shouted, the 9-year-old's shrill voice made Dean cringe. "You're stupid, Dean." he muttered as he climbed out of the backseat.

Dean laughed softly and followed suit, looking up to see his buddy leaning in an open doorway. "Saw we were coming?" He called out.

"Heard you," Jet responded with a nod toward the car. "So what brings you guys here?"

"Not much," Dean shut the passenger side door, "just had to bring Sam to see his favourite guy."

"Dean!" There was that shrill voice again, making Dean smile a little wider.

Jet smirked at him then gave Sam a little wave, "Nothing wrong with that, Sammy. I'm a lot of people's favourite guy."

"Like who?" Dean mocked as he walked up the front steps, Mary beside him. The two boys shared a quick fist bump; Jet didn't reply in so many words, just a wink and smile.

"Good to see you, Jet." Mary stifled a laugh at the boys as she motioned to the door, "Mind if I go inside?"

"Go ahead," Jet graciously moved out of her way and let her through. Once she was inside he looked at Dean, "Wanna stay outside?"

"Sure."

Sam of course tagged along with them as they wandered through the trailer court; all gravel roads with no pavement to be seen. Well, except for the trailers belonging to elderly folks who had enough money to pave their driveways. Sam liked to run through the grass and people's property, Dean and Jet let him though they kept an eye out for where he was.

"So what's on your mind?" Dean asked and glanced over at Jet's calm face. "You don't just 'stay outside' for no reason."

"Well our moms are talking so I don't wanna get in on that." He tilted his head back and rolled it a little to look at Dean lazily. "But regardless, I'm not the one with something on his mind."

Dean fumbled a little with that, "What, you think I do?"

"I've seen it on your face for a while man, since Bela's birthday party."

Dean felt his skin get a little clammy, "Oh... well you're imagining it."

"I get it if you don't want to tell me what's going on with you but at least have the balls to tell me the fucking truth." Jet spoke directly to the point, his tone a little harsh but Dean caught the ounce of pain in it.

He felt guilty; he'd have to blame Cas for the weakness of his conscience that he'd learned from him. "I didn't tell you because it's messed up, not because I don't want to tell you stuff."

Jet's expression softened slightly, Dean would also have to thank Cas for the little bit of perception he'd learned from him. "You know you can tell me anything, man. I don't care if it's messed up." He looked down at the ground and kicked a larger rock down the road. It wound up in front of Dean once they reached it so he had to kick it ahead – those were the rules of the rock-game.

Silence had fallen between them as he lost himself in thought. How could he say it out loud? I loved that kiss with my brother; I can't stop thinking about it. No, no way, not to anyway. Dean looked at Jet again and saw less of the tough exterior than he'd come to expect from the other teen. He had to remind himself sometimes that Jet could hurt too; he'd seen it before. Cas was always so attentive to that, Cas saw it more than anyone but Dean wasn't Castiel. He couldn't just sense that vulnerability in a person, especially not the toughest kid he knew.

"Sorry," Dean muttered and caught Jet's eye, "I was just trying to deal with it myself…"

"Deal with what?"

"A kiss." He knew it was vague but he could at least say that much.

Jet's brow furrowed a little, "It was just a kiss," he said a little apprehensively, Dean couldn't figure out why. His expression was unsure, more than Dean had ever seen it before, "I mean, you know, unless it was more than that to you."

And then he remembered he'd kissed everyone at the party, the game didn't end when Cas left. He'd kissed Jet that day too. "Was it more to you?" He had to ask, "I won't be offended so be honest."

Jet shrugged fairly easily, "Honestly? It was just a kiss," Dean saw him tense a little at that, Jet didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"It's okay man, you can relax." Dean laughed softly and clapped Jet on the back. "It wasn't our kiss that's freaking me out."

Jet was smart, smarter than he ever gave the guy credit for because Jet's eyes widened and he looked at Dean with some surprise, "You mean  _Cas_?" He gawked quietly and Dean tried to turn away, Jet wouldn't let him.

"Yeah…" he didn't want to say yes but there it was, out of his mouth and in the open. "My kiss with Cas…"

"You kissed Cas?" Sam popped up in front of him like a goddamn wasp, refusing to get out of his space. His little brother's expression was alight with curiosity and surprise, "Like when mom kisses us or when mom kisses dad?"

"Neither! It was like when I kissed Cas." Dean put a hand on Sam's face and removed him from his personal area.

"That's like saying the definition of stupid is stupid, you have to give an example! Like the definition of stupid is Dean." Sam shouted after him and ran to catch up.

"Not quite but close enough," Jet laughed at them. "Seriously though, what's bugging you about it? It was just a game."

Dean felt his face heat up all over again. His body trembled slightly and he almost wanted to sit down. Kissing Cas made his knees weak. "I know it was… I just… you guys have to shut up about this, okay?"

"Of course," Jet agreed seriously, that was something Dean loved about him. Jet was always so loyal.

Dean looked at Sam who pouted a little but sighed and nodded, "Alright, fine."

Dean took a slow breath and exhaled just as cautiously, "I… I liked it."

"I like Cas too." Sam blurted out, not quite getting it.

Jet nodded and was quiet, thinking as he usually did before saying anything to something that serious. It meant a lot to Dean, he wasn't just going to react without considering what he'd say first. It wasn't always like that, sometimes Jet didn't notice how important something was to someone else, but when he did he was nicer about it (if it was Dean or Cas anyway). "So you want to kiss him again?"

"I do." Dean ran his hand over his face and through his hair, "I don't want to but I want to."

"He's your brother." Jet pointed out to him like he'd done to himself over and over and over since the party.

"I know."

"You've already thought about that, okay then how about this; imagine fucking with him." Jet didn't skip a beat and Sam stared at them in surprised silence.

Dean wasn't sure what to say to that, "I just wanted to kiss him, I don't want to-"

"Then kiss him. If it's as easy as kissing him then you can do it, you're brothers. You can kiss your brother, man. But if it's more than kissing him then you should think what the next step would look like. If you can't do that then it's probably just a stupid kiss thing, don't worry about it." He made it sound so easy and Dean hated him a little for it.

"Think so?"

"Yeah, but I could be wrong." Jet stopped at the edge of the trailer park and leant against a guardrail set up to stop kids from falling into the steep ditch on either side.

Dean stopped beside him and nodded, "Well maybe you're right, could just be because it was one of my first kisses."

Jet also nodded but didn't respond, like it were half hearted or something. Jet was his first kiss, if Dean was going to feel that way about a first kiss then he should've been chasing Jet like that. Cas' kiss was something else.

"Maybe I should kiss him too," Jet joked, "see what all the fuss is about."

"Funny." Dean mumbled humourlessly. Part of him didn't want anyone else to ever get that experience. Meg could've been kissing Cas right at that moment, he'd never know.

Sam stared at them, Dean more specifically, "Oh my god." He said breathlessly, "You like Cas  _like that?_ "

Dean frowned immediately, "You said you wouldn't say anything, Sam."

"I didn't  _promise_  I wouldn't! You  _like_  Cas! But that's like liking  _me_ , I'm your brother too!"

"Sam," Jet said calmly, a tone of voice Dean knew was used to gently warn you. "You said you wouldn't talk about it, saying 'I promise' isn't the only way to promise."

"But he-"

"Dean trusted you, don't do that to him." Jet smiled and tilted his head down to look at Sam without looking down his nose, "But you didn't expect what he said to be so crazy, right? Kinda not fair, can I buy your silence?" Dean had to give Jet some credit; he knew how to deal with bratty little brothers.

Sam looked down at his shoes then up at Dean, he understood what Dean was saying, the weight of it and even possibly what could happen if he said anything. Sam was smarter than Dean realized too, maybe he had to start assuming everyone was because he was finding that out a lot lately. "I won't say… but you could give me something anyway." He grinned at Jet and Dean could've laughed.

"Thank you," Jet bowed his head gratefully, a mock gesture they all knew. "Whatever you want Sammy, let me know."

"C'mere and close your eyes," Sam demanded and Jet listened, kneeling down in front of Sam and patiently closed his eyes. Dean watched with raised eyebrows and a half smirk on his face, he wasn't sure what Sam was going to do at first but seeing the bashful look on his face told him enough. Sam leaned forward, stopped, hesitated, and chickened out. He kissed Jet's cheek instead and backed away. "Okay." He said quietly before running back toward Jet's home.

The taller boy stood up again, a little shocked as he looked at Dean. "He just-"

"Yep." Dean snorted out a laugh and covered his mouth, "Sammy's got a crush I think."

Jet shook his head and followed after, his shoulders shaking as he tried to hold in a snicker, "Poor kid, he can do better."

"I know, what a waste." Dean grinned and received a playful punch in the shoulder.

"Shut up."


	18. 13 Years-Old: Dating Developments

"What do you want?" Cas asked as he stared at the menu, he'd seen it many times but he just couldn't ever make up his mind.

"I dunno… cheeseburger and fries probably." Meg muttered, apparently just as lost as he was.

"Alright, same." He looked at the prices and crinkled his nose, "Is it okay if we both get burgers and share a large fry and drink?"

"Romantic," she nudged him playfully and he laughed, a little nervously.

Their order was taken and they were seated with a table marker, which was a plastic toy hippo Cas didn't recognize (the receipt said ORDER: GLORIA). He placed it where the server would see it and sipped at their soda. He glanced up at Meg who also looked a bit uncomfortable.

"Sorry," he put the drink in between them again, "I guess I'm not so good at dates…"

"Well I'm the one that asked  _you_  out, right?" Meg laughed anxiously; he hadn't ever really seen her like that. Her hand pushed her hair behind her ear for the third time since they'd gotten into the burger joint, this time he noticed how soft it looked, like she'd done something extra with it for him. "I'm the one who's supposed to be interesting."

"I don't think that's how it works." He smiled and mimicked her hand movement over his ear, Meg caught it as she was doing it again and blushed, quickly dropping her hand along with her gaze. "So can I ask why you wanted to go out with me? I mean Dean's more handsome and Jet's charismatic."

She looked as though she didn't really want to answer that question but what else could she really do? "I think there's something special about you," she stared him in the eyes and he thought maybe he was wrong about her not wanting to answer, she seemed ready for it now. "You're not like them, not like anyone else I've ever met."

He wasn't sure if he should be scared or flattered, he felt both but maybe he should only mention one. "I don't think I'm that different, just a little more perceptive with some things."

"I am too," she lit up excitedly in a way that surprised him. "I felt you poking at me."

Cas lost his words, "I… you what? Really?"

Meg nodded, her hair flowing seamlessly with the motion, "I did, see here I can do it too."

He squinted at her for a moment, not sure what to expect until he felt that nudge. Physically she was nowhere near him but he could feel her, like when he approached others. It was weird to be encroached upon like that, to know someone was trying to access you. Cas relaxed to her attempt and let her see his mind's surface.

"It's weird," Meg muttered aloud, "I never felt anyone do that until you tried today, I had no idea it was like that."

"The others can't feel it," Cas lifted his gaze to catch hers, "I've been deep inside a few people, they don't notice."

"Like who?" she smirked and he felt she already knew the answer.

"Dean and Jet, the two of them haven't shown any signs they felt it."

Meg furrowed her brow, "You don't try to block people out, huh?"

"Never had to, why? You do?" His eyes widened and he leaned forward, "Do you know other people who can do this?"

She shrugged, "Sort of. My dad knows but I never see him."

"Oh," he lowered himself back onto his chair properly and looked down at the table, "I'm so sorry, that must be awful."

"Not really, he's a jerk. It's always 'do this, do that, you have to be the perfect daughter blah blah blah.'" She tapped her fingers to her thumb in a mock-speaking gesture, her eyes rolling. "It's no fun."

The server placed their food down, "Here you are, enjoy." He said with a smile, Cas thanked him quietly and watched him go.

Meg picked up her burger and took a large bite out of it, chewing almost obnoxiously – it reminded Cas of how Dean ate burgers a little. "M'm glahd ah nevahr shee 'im." She said around a mouthful.

Cas smiled almost sadly at her, "Even so, I'm sorry to hear it. Can you tell me anything about this?"

"Well," she swallowed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, "I can tell you've got a lot more in you than anyone else, but maybe that's because you can do this too. My dad's got a lot going on but there's a reason for that."

"Maybe being older means you have more?"

"Something like that," she took another bite and Castiel decided to start eating too, no sense in waiting.

He couldn't understand why he didn't like her; maybe it was because he couldn't read her? He wasn't sure but he didn't plan to continue that way. Being anxious about her, scared, it wasn't right. She was just like him, that's not how he wanted people to feel about him.

Cas smiled as he ate, she was just like him.

He understood that people were different, every single person he met was more or less complicated than the next and as it turned out Meg was just a little bit more, like him. He couldn't sense her emotions past the surface, he couldn't touch anything more than skin deep and somehow he started to enjoy that. It was a test for him, in a way. He got to see what he really was capable of and what part of him relied on the ability to read into another person.

As it turned out he was still pretty good. The only challenge was understanding her, but he didn't mind not knowing. "Hey Meg?" Cas spoke with a smile, not realizing that neither had spoke in quite some time.

"What's up?" She looked at him, she'd gotten so much more relaxed, it was nice to see.

"I was just… I'm glad we're doing this. I'm sorry I was so difficult before, I'm sure you saw how I was feeling."

"Yeah I saw," Meg shrugged and finished off her burger, a quick eater. "It's alright, you're not the first one to feel like that toward me."

He smiled and went for what was left of his cheeseburger.

"I also saw your… Dean situation."

Cas froze, his jaw slowly grinding the meat up until it nearly locked. He tried to swallow it and almost choked, coughing hard as he drank as much as he could to get it down.

"It's okay," Meg said next, watching him struggle regardless. "You're not interested in me that way."

Castiel put the back of his hand to his mouth and slowly dragged it along, hoping words would come to him soon. "I didn't mean to lead you on," he whispered sheepishly, gaze dropping back to the food in front of them.

"You didn't, you're just a nice guy." She sighed and leaned on her hand, elbow on the table in front of her, "But we can still hang out, right?"

"Yeah, of course." He nodded quickly, "Can I just… ask you something?"

"Don't tell anyone?" She smirked and he nodded again.

"Please, I'm already having a hard time with it."

"Sure, but have you looked at Dean that way recently? I mean, you know, tried to figure out what he thinks of you in that way?"

Cas shook his head, not sure he should trust how easily she agreed but there was nothing more he could do about it. "I'm scared to look for it, with Dean I like to leave it alone. If he's acting strangely I want to figure it out on my own, I mean I can sense basic things but for a lot of darker thoughts I'd have to dig." He remembered Dean internally, the beautiful glow and light of him. "I like to keep that as personal as I can."

Meg was quiet for a bit until she uttered one word, "Wow."

"What?" He was a bit defensive, he knew, but she knew his secret.

"Nothing, just… you. You can do things no one else can but you try not to? What are you, some kind of angel?"

Cas shook his head immediately, "I'm no angel. I don't want to be either, I… I've had some bad experiences with that word."

"You mean that whole thing way back in elementary school?"

He looked away, "Yes… I'd rather not talk about it."

"It's alright, some really messed up shit happens around you." She mused and took her first sip of the soda; Cas felt a bit bad for that since he'd drank nearly half of it while choking. "Like you're some kind of magnet, huh?"

"I guess." He grabbed a handful of fries and picked them out of his mitt-full one by one.

She didn't quite get the hint he was attempting to push forward, more like a raging bull than a hint. "Your grandparents died too, didn't they?" Was she this insensitive or did she mean to push his buttons? Was she mad at him for liking his brother? He supposed it was only fair punishment.

He was quiet and he nodded to her question, "It was terrible." He didn't want to elaborate but his mind was more than willing. Cas knew Dean's clammy skin in a way he never wanted to. Etched into his retina were the faces of his family strewn around the yard, bloodied and still.

Dean's body was so cold, unmoving and lifeless. His grandfather's face distorted and Mr. Caplan's face stretched into monsters.

Dean was dead.

Cas' heart thundered in his ears at the memory, the pale man standing over them all with a subtle calmness. How he casually lifted souls away from their homes and sent them off, so cold in how he worked. It was his job. It was Death. He'd come for Dean. Dean was dead.

Dean was-

"Cas?" Meg nudged his leg with her foot, startling him into looking at her. "I saw that," her eyes were wide and he thought she might be afraid. "Did that really happen? Did you really see-"

"Yes." He cut her off, he could feel his limbs tense up and his muscles shake under the pressure. "I don't want to think about it."

Her shock was more consuming than he thought; all he could sense from her was the awe. "How did you bring Dean back?"

" **He was never gone!"** Castiel bellowed at her and his fists slammed down onto the table. He never anticipated the rush of energy in his arms or the thunderous crack of the surface beneath his hands. There was a large force in his arms, it moved the air around them and echoed through the restaurant as if lightning had struck inside.

There was no question of whether or not Meg was scared this time, it was written all over her face and in her head. And she had every reason to be fearful of him; the table splintered and split beneath the weight of his hands when he'd brought them down. It was loud and terrifying, people all around them turned to look.

Cas had no words for himself; he stared at her with wide eyes and fear rising in his throat. "I'm... I'm so sorry." He stuttered and looked down at himself, "I don't know what that was." He couldn't even think straight, that power surge within him was so sudden and just like when Dean-!

No. It was like when he stared into the face of the Grim Reaper, when he met the horseman and refused his work. He refused Death's attempt to take Dean, Death never got him, and Dean never died.

Castiel couldn't get himself together properly; he was shaken by his own outburst and his thoughts. They were not stable, he knew they weren't but there was nothing he could do about it, he couldn't control it.

Meg sat across from him staring, awestruck and unable to find the words to tell him anything, if she were alright or otherwise. "Meg?" He asked shakily, his voice starting to waver as much as the rest of him. What was she thinking? What was she going to do now? What could he possibly say.

"Cas," she breathed his name like it might choke her if she'd said it wrong, "You're…" Meg's eyes stared into his, he could feel the light poke, the small sign she was searching his head. He thought maybe she was looking for a malicious intent, looking for a signal he'd meant to hurt her with that shock of power. He offered his mind to her, wanting to seem harmless, wanting her to know he never meant to do anything. It looked like it worked, she relaxed but her expression was still so tense. "What was that?" She asked after, her composure had been regained and her eyes almost interrogated him.

"I don't know," he shrunk in his chair and glanced at the people in the restaurant, he could sense that none of them knew what had happened. No one could be sure he'd done anything or if they'd imagined it. It wasn't like the science fiction books or even like history; people didn't jump up and scream 'witchcraft' at you if there was no real reason to do it. He thanked his lucky stars that they stayed in their seats, not much more than a narrowed expression shot his way.

Meg lit up a little, "Do you think I can do that too?" She asked excitedly and Cas couldn't get over the surprise. She was suddenly so happy.

"Wha- aren't you mad at me?"

"Why? I'm the one that pushed you. C'mon, let's get out of here." She took his hand and dragged him out the door.

"Wait, why?" He stumbled behind her again until he caught up to her pace. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, his blood raced through him and his limbs shook. He was so scared.

"I don't like people staring."

Castiel stopped and pulled back from her, keeping his hand to himself as he watched her slow down and look back at him. "Why aren't you afraid of me?" He asked seriously, "I know you saw what happened, I don't understand it and I'm scared of myself. Why aren't you?"

She stared at him unmoving for several seconds that felt like they went on far too long. Cas felt every breath he took, his chest expanded so slowly and nothing felt like it was moving at the right speed anymore. The world around them moved faster, he was entirely slower and she had just stopped entirely.

"You're Castiel, even with terrifying powers I couldn't be afraid of you." She said evenly, nothing wavered in her tone and it was like he'd asked what her favourite colour was.

It was frustrating.

"Why not?" Not that he wanted her to be.

"Because you're  _Castiel_. You'd never hurt me."

Cas wasn't sure he understood it any better now than before but he could accept it. Her opinion of him, her views of his mind and everything he'd showed her led her to that conclusion. He believed the same of brothers, his friends, and his parents all because he was certain he knew them. She wasn't afraid of him, she knew him to a degree and that was comfort enough to push terror away.

"That's a nice thought," he smiled at her, a quiet expression of calm. "Thank you, but I… I think I need to-"

"Come with me." She insisted and took his hand again. He looked up at her face; her eyes were determined and even concerned for him. "Don't go home yet, let's finish our date okay?"

Castiel wasn't sure what possessed him to agree but his head nodded for her, "If you think that'll help…"

"It will, you'll forget all about it." She grinned and dragged him along again, he really had underestimated her character. She still made him a little nervous but that feeling had dissipated into the back of his mind. Meg was a good person, a little mean sometimes and insensitive as hell but he enjoyed her company.

* * *

 

Cas didn't end up calling off the date early and when his dad showed up to get him he happily asked to give Meg a ride home too.

At her stop he got out of the car with her and gave her a hug, "Thank you," he whispered to her.

Meg was startled, even seemed a little anxious but she hugged him back. "I should be thanking you, Cas."

"No, not at all." He leaned back again and offered her a smile as confident as he could make it. It was no Dean or Jet grin but it wasn't bad. "You really made me feel better, I hope we can be real friends from now on."

She smirked back at him and nodded, "Sure Cas, whatever you need." She gave him a light punch in the shoulder before walking up the front steps to her house.

Cas stood by and watched, his hand found the handle to the passenger door but he waited until she was inside before he opened it and hopped in.

"So, how was your first date?" John couldn't hesitate to ask, his grin was wide and he looked Cas' way. "Have fun?"

"Yeah," he smiled to himself and looked out the window again. He caught a glimpse of his reflection and it looked so different for a moment, just a split second. His skin was almost glowing and he thought he'd seen the faintest hint that he had more than one face. But that couldn't be, he blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes. Movies always got his imagination running, he was imagining it, had to be.


	19. 13 Years-Old: Natural Insomnia

"So what happened?" Dean asked as the two of them lay on their beds, still sharing the same room. Cas didn't complain about that, he never planned to and it seemed like Dean refused to do the same. Maybe they'd share a room until one of them moved out? It was a pleasant thought; he'd keep that one.

"We got food and went to see a movie." Cas replied casually and quietly repressed the subtle thoughts of his brother.

"What food, what movie, c'mon what happened? Did you guys… you know…"

"Kiss?" Cas turned his head to look at Dean who seemed almost bashful about it. He squashed the urge to look deeper into his brother and shrugged, "No, we didn't. We're just gonna be friends but hanging out was fun. She's actually really cool."

Dean blinked at him and sat up like he'd denied the existence of apple pie, "Just friends? Really? But there's a girl who  _wants to date you_. Why would you want to just be friends?"

"I'm not interested in dating," it was true to an extent. He wanted to date, he wanted to hold and make out with someone but it wasn't Meg. He shook his head, if not Meg then who? Dean? No. It wasn't anyone; in fact he decided to not think about it anymore. The feelings for his brother would go away if ignored, he was sure of it.

Dean furrowed his brow but didn't respond, Cas watched his face shift from confused to what looked like relief. Couldn't be though, right? "Are you happy about that?" He asked and Dean seemed to be more startled than anything else.

"Uh… honestly yeah." Dean was such a bad liar, Cas was glad he didn't try this time.

"How come?"

"Because I don't want to… I guess, lose you? I don't know, it's just you'd be hanging out with her instead and I'd miss you."

Castiel smiled and sat up in his bed, "Thanks, Dean." He whispered and crossed the room to give him a hug. Cas ignored the spark of heat in his body where he touched Dean, it was nothing and it'd stay that way. "You won't lose me, I'm not going anywhere."

Dean melted into the hug and nodded, nothing more need be said between them that night. They tucked themselves into their beds before John and Mary could pop by and try to coax them in. Cas snuggled up to his pillow and let himself drift; he could hear the soft sound of Dean breathing and that was enough to relax him.

And just as easily he heard nothing. The world slipped past and away from him, sleep curled around him like a cat looking for warmth and he dreamt. Nothing special or memorable but it was there, a vivid image flashing by every now and then that quickly slipped from his memory. It was sweet, beautiful and nothing hurt.

Then he saw a man in black. Castiel blinked at the figure, at first he didn't know it or recognize anything but the blur from his dreams faded quickly. It was an older man with a cane in his hand and pale, pale skin. "Hello, Castiel." He had a hint of an accent that Cas didn't know.

"I know you." He whispered and thought he should feel a chill or a sense of terror. Neither came to him, everything was calm and so still.

"Do you?"

"You're Death."

He nodded, a slow and deliberate motion that hid nothing. He had no reason to hide anything.

"What are you doing here?" It seemed like such a simple question but Cas still felt like he'd had no right to ask it. "It's been four years since then."

"Indeed it has," Death raised a hand and gestured for Castiel to come closer.

Cas felt his legs move though they were as heavy as lead. "You haven't come back for him, have you?" The worry was mounting in his mind; he didn't care as much if Death came for him, he hadn't thought about that. But if he were there for Dean…

"I didn't take him then, I won't take him now." Such a cold voice, Cas started to feel the shiver he'd expected from the start. "I've come to see your progress."

Castiel stopped in front of him and Death looked him over, just one look and that was it. "Progress in what?" He squinted at the much taller man who rested on his cane very gently.

"You're not there yet." He sighed heavily and turned away, muttering something under his breath. Cas stared at the man's retreating back.

"Not where!? What are you talking about?" He shouted but it only echoed around him. He had only questions in his head that rampaged hard enough to wake him; he stared up at the ceiling above like some kind of answer would descend from it. Was that just a dream? Majority of his being wanted to believe that yes, it was just his imagination. He groaned lightly and rolled over to look at the alarm clock, it must've been morning already – he was so well rested after all. But the time read four in the morning. Castiel blinked at it and grumbled a little louder to himself.

The rest of his night was spent trying to fall asleep again, but he couldn't. He kept thinking about Death, the horseman he thought might be speaking with him. Was that possibly true? No, it had to be a dream. The Grim Reaper had better things to do than follow a barely-teenager around and 'check on his progress.' "My ego's getting out of hand." He muttered softly.

Cas winced when the alarm clock sounded and he sat up to stare at it, he thought for sure he'd feel exhausted from a restless night but that wasn't the case. He'd never been so awake; he figured he'd go to bed early that night to make up for it.

"C'mon Dean, it's Saturday." Cas got up and shoved his brother's shoulder.

"Then lemme sleep…" Dean growled into his pillows.

Cas shrugged and went off to do his morning routine. He could smell pancakes downstairs and wondered why there'd be cooking that early in the morning if no one else were awake. With teeth brushed he hopped down the stairs in his pajamas, "Mom?" He called ahead as he walked into the kitchen area. She was sitting at the dining room table adjacent to the kitchen – it was an open space between the two.

"Good morning, Cas." Mary smiled at him and he returned it casually.

"Morning mom, are you-" he stopped when he spotted Jet by the stove, "Jet?"

"Hey," the other boy responded without looking over his shoulder, his tone of voice had enough in it to tell Cas everything. Something was up with his mom again, judging by the sense he was getting off Jet though it wasn't too serious this time.

"I picked him up this morning," Mary sounded fairly pleasant, though of course she would be regardless. For her it was no big deal to get up that early on a Saturday morning, Cas wondered how he missed the phone call and her leaving in the first place.

"Mom's gonna be in the hospital for a bit," Jet spoke up a little softly but he never talked about his mom in many other ways than that. "So hope you don't mind if I'm here for a while."

"Not at all," Cas glanced at the frying pan where pancakes were sizzling quietly, "But making us breakfast?" he scoffed lightly and went to take over but Jet pushed him back.

"Just let me, okay? I want to pay your mom back for coming to get me."

Cas stepped away and looked at Mary who shrugged, evidently Jet was persuasive or at least determined. "Alright, sorry." He sat down next to his mom and watched Jet easily flip the fluffy dough through the air. "I had no idea you could make pancakes like that."

Jet glanced at him with the slightest tug at his lips but didn't respond, just a simple way of saying 'I've had a lot of practice.' But of course Jet wasn't one to let that linger long, "So why're you up so early?"

"Just am, couldn't sleep in." Cas watched as Jet slipped a few pancakes onto a plate and serve it to Mary before going back to the batter.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Mary gracious accepted it and Jet gave her a nod in recognition before looking to Cas again.

"Want one?"

"Sure, thanks."

He added a small portion of oil to the pan to grease it and scooped the white goop to fry it up, "And your date? How was Meg?"

Cas pursed his lips momentarily and shrugged with a soft laugh, "It was pretty good, I mean there were some rocky parts but she's actually really cool once you get her away from the others."

"Who, her friends?" Mary looked at him and he nodded.

"Yeah, she's nicer when it's just the two of us. She isn't mean but she's different with other people."

Jet snorted back a laugh as he flipped Cas' breakfast, "Same can be said for anyone, I think. I mean really, am I gonna act the same to Dean as I do to Sam?"

Cas paused and nodded slowly, "You do have a good point…"

"Not to mention she's one of the popular girls, there's a certain appearance to go with that. Plus if you're friends with Bela then you definitely have to watch your back, one mix up and it's social suicide. I'm surprised that liking you was so okay with the 'Queen B.'"

"How so?" Cas tilted his head with a smile pulling at his lips; Mary was quietly enjoying the conversation they shared with some awe. She hadn't really experienced their more 'philosophical' conversations, it was quite a treat for her to witness. Cas liked the way her mind worked around it, at first she was a little surprised but he sensed the notion of pride in her. Proud her son could be so open-minded without a prejudice against Meg or her friends past the obvious 'popular' title. "Do you think I'm not good enough?"

"Never said that," Jet pointed at him with the spatula, a quick warning gesture and expression to say 'don't put words in my mouth.' "What I'm saying is that Bela thinks you're weird, so why would she be so okay with one of her girls dating you?"

"Do you think I'm weird?" Cas furrowed his brow at that, not sure he liked the idea.

His friend shrugged and looked back to where he'd removed Cas' food from the pan, "Yeah but I like you that way." He brought the plate to the table and put it down in front of him, that same grin on Jet's face that reminded Cas how much he loved to see it.

Cas smiled shyly but stood up to hug Jet all the same, "Thank you," he confided faintly, Jet's arms wrapped around him for a quick squeeze before letting go.

"You're welcome, now eat."

He sat back down and poured syrup all over the little sponge cakes, smiling wide and unable to push it down. "That was so cute," Mary expressed with a sigh. Cas had to admire how she could sit and watch them like that, let them have that moment and discussion without the adult input.

"What was cute?" John yawned as he walked into the room, his fuzzy housecoat was on which meant it was getting a little cold in the house. He showed no surprise in seeing Jet, maybe he'd heard the phone call Mary picked up or maybe he didn't care what the reason was. Cas wasn't sure.

"These two," Mary explained with a quick motion to indicate them, "so grown up for their age."

"Not really," Cas mumbled through his pancakes.

Jet lit up a little, "Did you want breakfast, John? I can make you something."

"I got it," John walked over and took over the kitchen utensils, not that Jet wanted to hand them over. "You go ahead and sit down."

"I can make it, though." Almost pouting, that was the first time in a while Cas saw it and he just about laughed.

"Sit down, kiddo." John urged him gently though still firm, "I can make my own."

"But I owe you for-"

"You don't owe me anything," John put a hand on his shoulder, "Don't ever think you do, okay?"

Jet nodded after a brief pause and went to sit next to Cas, "But if I find out that I make pancakes better than you I'll be disappointed."

"Not gonna happen, I'm the Pancake King."

Jet and Cas shared a look before both laughed, "Whatever you say, Pancake King."

John looked at them, now fully aware of what he'd just done to himself but he rolled with it. "Don't you forget it." He glanced toward the stairs and then looked back to what he was doing, "The other two coming down?"

"Cas and I can wake 'em up." Jet rose to his feet again and tapped Castiel's shoulder to coax him along. The two trotted up and while Cas paused to decide who he'd rather wake, Jet automatically went to get Dean. It made sense; maybe it'd be a bit weird for the non-family member to wake the baby of the household.

Castiel went to his little brother's room and opened the door to find him playing games. Sam had an old Gameboy Color, he played it on and off while more recently it had been off. Apparently 'on' season had started up again, because Cas heard the soft blips of what he could only assume was Pokémon Red.

"Hey Cas," Sam glanced up briefly but went back to what he was doing.

"How long have you been up?" Cas went and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning over to see where Sam was at. He'd barely made it to Pewter City, couldn't have been playing for very long.

"Just a little bit, I had a dream I had a charamander so when I woke up this just seemed like the next step."

"Huh… wanna come to breakfast?" Cas figured it'd be easy but Sam shook his head. "Why not?"

"I'm playing, not hungry."

Cas' expression fell flat, "You're as obsessive as your brother…" he grumbled under his breath before trying to pick Sammy up, "C'mon, you're going to go eat!"

"No! Cas quit it!" Sam struggled against him briefly but Cas was far stronger.

"You need to eat breakfast and that's final."

Sam slumped in his arms like dead weight and sighed heavily, "Fine... if I have to."

"Thank you." Cas let him go. He assumed nothing as he followed Sam out the door but a loud thud from his bedroom and a sharp yell had his imagination going crazy.

"What happened?" He shouted and ran over, knowing full well the outcry came from Dean.

Jet was lying on the floor laughing, one hand covering his face while the other rested on his belly. Dean was sitting upright with eyes as wide as saucers. His hair was messy and sticking straight up on one side, and there was a pair of head phones haphazardly left on the bed. He could hear Sir Mix-A-Lot playing from them, the volume cranked.

"Are you okay?" Cas tried not to laugh at Dean's terrified expression.

Dean blinked in horrified shock as he slowly lifted his gaze to Cas' face, "I like big butts and I cannot lie." His expression was as serious as he could've made it when he spoke and maybe that's what broke Cas down into a fit of laughter. Or maybe it was the way Dean tackled Jet who was trying to sit up from the floor, the other boy nearly shrieking from the sudden weight on him. Either way, Castiel fell against wall barely able to breathe.


	20. 13 Years-Old: Hospital Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to repeat that I'm thankful for you guys reading this :) And commenting of course, my favourite part :D

 

Weeks went by, school was weird as usual, Jet was still over, and Castiel found himself in the same loop of sleeplessness. He counted it out; he was slowly getting less and less sleep every night. He was at an average of five hours a night, which was still okay to function at he figured but he hoped that insomnia wasn't settling in. He'd looked up symptoms but found he had none other than he didn't sleep much and woke far too early. He wasn't tired, in fact he had more energy than usual. Going to bed at the usual time was difficult to do.

At first he said nothing, he didn't ask about it and he just lay in his bed until sleep came to him and when it left he'd do the same. But eventually he grew tired of it, staring at a dark ceiling was getting to him. But it wasn't that he wanted to wake Dean and talk, he had to stay quiet or someone would wake up.

Castiel climbed out of his bed as silently as he could, stepping over Jet's blow-up mattress on their floor and trying to make it out the door. With some luck he succeeded and made it outside the house without waking a soul. He looked up at the moonlit sky, stars barely visible through the uneven cloud cover. Cas stepped barefoot onto the pavement of their front steps; it was cool to the touch and pulled a small smile to his lips. He sat down on the last stop and stared out at his street, so peaceful at night.

And that's how he spent the next few hours, watching the morning break before him and listening to the sounds of the house as his father woke up for work. Cas made no attempt to hide himself, he waited until he heard the inevitable sound of the door behind him. The sun was barely peeking between the houses in their neighbourhood, the sky a wash of colours and clear. John sat down quietly next to him and waited before he even tried to say anything at all.

"What's up?" It was so simple and displayed everything Cas might've needed to hear.

"I can't sleep." He explained just as simply, that's how his dad worked.

"This happening a lot?"

He nodded, "For weeks now I've only gotten a few hours a night. But the weirdest thing is I'm not tired." He ran a hand up through his hair, "Not like I should be."

John looked at him, seriously considering what he was saying instead of just dismissing it like Cas had expected him to. "Maybe we should go see a doctor."

"I'm not hurt though," Cas let his gaze drop to look at himself, "I feel fine dad, don't waste money on it."

"My kid's health isn't a waste of money." John ruffled his hair and stood up, "C'mon inside, I'll get you some food."

"Thanks dad." Cas smiled and followed him inside, the warmth of the house so welcoming.

* * *

One conversation exchanged between his parents later, Cas found himself on the way to the clinic. They'd left before Dean or Sam woke up and Mary told John that he should take him; she'd get the other two ready for school. Castiel didn't mind going, he was worried about what was up with him but he didn't want his dad to have to skip work for something as silly as 'I only get a few hours of sleep at night.' Maybe John was using that as an excuse to not go to work in the first place, he couldn't be sure and wasn't about to ask.

They sat in the waiting room, no appointment made but luckily for them there were only a few other people in there. He was sure that not all of them had appointments, but they looked like they needed it more than he did.

As he sat and stared at the room, John read the newspaper he'd picked up in the entrance. It was boring in there and it'd only been ten minutes, according to the clock on the wall he kept glancing to. A woman walked out of the section where the patient rooms were located, a bundle wrapped in her arms that she held tightly. Her face was pale but flushed under her eyes, which were puffy and swollen from crying. She slowly walked down the corridor leading to the exit but she stopped and leaned a shoulder against the wall.

Castiel reached out and felt her there, she was in so much pain and it brought tears to his eyes just from the contact with her mind. Everything inside her was a mess, though he didn't intend to dig any deeper than the surface he slipped past her mental walls. It was too easy; she'd given up on maintaining a healthy mental state. Her baby was dying, he realized seconds after getting through. A few months old with a weak immune system and weaker organs, several doctors had already told her there was nothing they could do past making the child comfortable.

He'd stood up without realizing it and wandered to her side. She'd slipped down to her knees and slowly curled over her infant. "Ma'am?" Cas whispered softly as he knelt next to her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder and mentally attempting to ease the pain.

She looked up at him; no surprise in her face that he was there, his presence hadn't startled her. "He's dying," she whispered hoarsely and loosened her grip on her child, a baby boy with blond hair and closed eyes. He looked peaceful but he wasn't stirring the way he should've been, he was far too still. Castiel felt his skin prickle and he hesitated before asking her anything more.

"He's beautiful, may I hold him?" His position in her mind was gentle, he cradled her being and soothed the aching pieces as best he could. It was still cracked; there wasn't anything he could do beyond easing her suffering at that moment. When her baby would pass away, whenever that would be, what he did would have no effect on her anymore. But for now he could at least say he helped.

She looked at her infant and nodded after a brief moment, "His name's Steve." She gently handed him over to Cas, a little hesitant to let go but she did.

Castiel carefully adjusted his arms and looked at the swaddled boy carefully, he moved the blanket from around his face and gently stroked the baby's cheek. "He's lovely," he murmured before he saw a familiar spark beneath his fingers. Cas' eyes widened as that glow glimmered where his hand touched baby Steve, bringing colour to his nearly greyed out skin.

"What are you doing?" the boy's mother sounded hysteric as she took her child back from him and pulled away. There was only panic in her mind as she stood up and took several steps down the hall, an angry glance his way before looking down at her baby.

Castiel stood up slowly and looked at his hands, what had he done this time? He remembered the table and his heart stuttered, he prayed silently that he hadn't done any more harm. John looked at him as he re-entered the waiting room, eyes wide and face whiter than normal. "What's up, kiddo?"

He sat down and hunched forward, "I don't know…" What was wrong with him? He couldn't sleep, he destroyed property with the swing of an arm and now he had creepy-glowy-pedo fingers. Where the hell could he start explaining any of this to a doctor? It sounded insane.

"Hang in there," his dad smiled and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

There were quick footsteps nearby and getting closer, the sound of a baby crying filled the room and suddenly that same woman was in front of him. She draped an arm around him, the other holding Steve who cried mercilessly until he was in contact with Castiel again. "Thank you," she cried against him, "I don't know what you did but thank you."

Cas reached up and hugged her back, shock the only thing he was certain he could feel. "You're welcome," he pat her back and waited for her to calm down. People in the waiting room watched in confusion, his father included, as a grown woman thanked and cried to a thirteen-year-old boy. He offered a smile to them though he wasn't sure what to say, so he said nothing. He could feel the woman's relief and it lifted his spirit, her trust in him was so high and how grateful she was couldn't be measured. He'd healed her baby. Cas didn't know how he did it or what did it or if it was even him but he didn't want to burst her bubble or tell her she was mistaken. If she thought it was him then who was he to say it was a coincidence? That glow beneath his palm just happened to be there when he touched her son. Nothing important.

But how long could he tell himself that?

"Castiel Winchester?" The nurse stepped into the doorway and he nodded.

"That's me," he looked at the lady and gestured to the door, "If Steve is awake now you should show him things, the world is beautiful. I think he'll love it."

"You're a miracle," she kissed his cheek chastely and let him go. She looked at John who had silently stood up to go with him, "Your son is special, you're blessed to have him."

John smiled at her, "I know."

They walked into the patient room and sat side-by-side staring at the health posters on the walls. Cas twiddled his thumbs; he could sense John wanted to say something about what happened back there. Why didn't he just ask? Why was he only considering it? Cas knew his dad didn't see him as a freak, he knew that his family was with him no matter what so why didn't John question it? He was questioning it big time; Cas couldn't stop thinking about it.

The doctor entered and began the routine check up questions that Cas awkwardly let his dad answer until he had to say something. But nothing could've been figured out by any of that, he knew it. He knew that not being tired wasn't an illness, and though it was different and a bit odd his doctor agreed. All questions finished and a quick examination of his head where he'd injured himself in the past it was the same thing he thought it'd be; he just is that way.

"It's not normal for a kid to only get five hours of sleep and never get tired," John insisted, "You're sure that head injury didn't do something deeper? Maybe there's a brain scan we can do."

The doctor adjusted his position, he'd definitely had to deal with a few anxious parents in the past, and John was no different. "Mr. Winchester we had done numerous scans of his brain to make sure that the head wound wasn't more severe than it appeared – as per your request at the time. Castiel is just well rested with less sleep than is normally required for his age. But that's no reason to panic, it's showed no adverse effects, there's nothing negative as far as I can tell. Other than how you perceive this anomaly, Castiel is fine. He's very healthy, I don't see why he'd have to be put through any more stress for this."

John chewed lightly on the inside of his cheek but nodded, "Alright, Cas is there anything else you want to say? Anything else going on?"

Cas thought about his ability to sense people's inner feelings, his innate ability to calm people down without a thought, crushing a table with no effort, saving Dean and speaking with the Grim Reaper… but he couldn't say any of that. It'd either be dismissed or taken seriously enough to have him in a mental institute. "Nothing more than usual, I suppose." Why lie? He fought the urge to spill the truth and looked down at himself. "I'm okay."

"Okay," John sighed and got up, "Let's go home then."

Cas followed his father out feeling like he'd wasted everyone's time, "Sorry, dad."

"Because there's nothing wrong? That's something to be grateful for, Cas." John ruffled his hair again and they both smiled. "So what'd you do with that lady back there?"

"I don't know," he said again and shrugged, "her baby was dying when I went to talk to her, I touched his face…"

"And?" his dad was surprised but curious, how many people start a story with 'her baby was dying so I touched his face'?

"That's it, that's all I did."

John obviously didn't believe him but he had nothing else he could go on, "Seriously, why did she hug you?"

"I don't know. I mean her baby was crying and it wasn't grey anymore and it was moving and… I guess when I touched his face there was this glow on my hand but I didn't do it on purpose. It was kinda like when I was on my date and I accidentally broke the table and-" he couldn't quite stop himself, Cas realized too late as he rambled. He was nervous again, thinking too much and too fast and he couldn't stop it. Why did that always happen to him?

"Cas," his dad was kneeling in front of him and holding his shoulders, "Calm down, buddy. What's going on with you?"

"I don't know!" He yelled louder than he meant to. "I have no idea what's up with me, dad! I barely sleep, I see things no one else sees, I can sense people's emotions, and I glow and break tables!"

John looked at him seriously, he could feel it and it was a comfort. His dad didn't call him crazy or dismiss any of his ramblings. Cas relaxed a little as John nodded slowly, "Alright. We're going to go and I'll talk to your mom about all this, okay? You'll be fine, pal."

Cas nodded, relief slipping into his system as his dad led the way back to the car. They wouldn't be able to figure it out, he was pretty sure of that. But to tell them everything without feeling weirder than he already did would be a godsend.


	21. 13 Years-Old: What It's Like to Be Me

Cas watched his parents' faces from the living room, what he could see from that angle anyway. His mom nodded and looked over at him, he smiled a bit and she returned it. That was a good sign at least. "What's going on?" Dean sat down beside him as he faced the wrong way on their couch. Dean had refused to go to school knowing that Cas went to the hospital that morning, if he'd known Dean would do that he wouldn't have gone on a school and work day. Everyone wasted time because of him. Luckily they'd gotten Sammy on the bus with Jet; at least two of them were getting something done that day.

"Dad's probably telling mom not to freak out about anything I say today." Cas slumped down and looked at Dean properly, "you know, stuff about sensing people and whatever."

Dean looked him over and turned away, "Are you… seeing more stuff?"

"I have…" Cas felt the little rush of anger in Dean, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"What else happened?"

Cas shrugged and took a long, careful breath, "A lot happened, I think I might have powers…"

"Like a superhero?"

"Sort of."l

John and Mary walked into the living room and sat down, John in his armchair and Mary on the sofa on his other side. She pet the back his head reassuringly, "So, your dad says something's been going on, did you want to talk about it, sweetheart?"

He nodded, "I don't know where to start though…"

"We know about a few things, but start wherever you think you should. No pressure." John glanced at Dean, "Do you mind if your brother's here?"

"I'd prefer if he was, actually." Cas smiled at Dean shyly, and for a few minutes he was quiet, nothing came to mind. "I guess I'll start by saying I can feel you, all of you." He raised his gaze to look at them, "Dad, you're worried about me but you're keeping a strong exterior, it's almost strong to go deeper than your surface thoughts. But overall you aren't too surprised about any of this. Mom, you're scared something's wrong with me in a way that you can't help. And Dean… you're mad at me on the surface, worried about me underneath, and beneath that you…" Cas trailed off, what was that? He could've sworn he saw something in Dean, something personal and very intimate.

"I think we all knew that," Dean spoke up in a hope of covering for whatever Cas was about to say. It wasn't mean, just rushed and maybe a little nervous.

Mary reached across the couch behind Cas and pat Dean's arm, "Let him talk, even if you already knew, okay?"

Dean nodded and looked at Cas sheepishly, "Sorry,"

"It's okay." He felt a little distracted by what he might've seen inside Dean, he'd told himself he wouldn't dig. It was a violation of privacy to look into those things; he couldn't just dig inside people whenever he wanted to. "So… uh… I've noticed that when I get hurt, even really badly, I don't stay that way. My pain doesn't last that long and there aren't any scars, not that I've tried to test it, you've seen the result of some of it." He watched them all nod a little bit, their concern for him made him want to bottle it up. To spare them knowing anything might be wrong he shouldn't have said anything, but how could he hide this? He wasn't sleeping, his wounds healed, he knew things he shouldn't have and now, that morning, he'd somehow healed a dying baby. "I haven't been sleeping much lately and I don't think I need to, I'm never tired because of it. And on my date with Meg…" he felt a small pulse from Dean's direction, something angry and something pained below the surface. The question of why he could feel Dean so intensely compared to everyone else still boggled him but he didn't dwell on it.

"What happened?" Dean asked after he'd paused for too long, getting himself another look from his mom.

"She made me angry once, she'd said something that I reacted strongly to and I hit the table," Cas raised his hands and swung them down the same way, "like that. It broke, there were cracks all around it and they were really deep. There was a bright light and it just shattered the surface, I haven't done that again since but it happened."

"Did Meg see?" John asked after another pause, making sure that Cas wouldn't continue and he'd interrupt.

"She did, but she said it was okay. She can sense things like I do but I don't think she can shatter tabletops." Cas swallowed past a growing lump in his throat, "Those are the things I can do, as far as I know… but I've seen things. Things like Mr. Caplan's face, and grandpa's face," he said the last one with caution, hoping to soothe the swell of pain it brought on in his family. It wasn't as bad as he expected, which was a good sign they were healing. His mom was the one with the deepest scars from the incident, her parents died that night. "That Christmas I saw a man in the yard, he was walking to everyone who was… who wasn't moving. He stopped beside them, each one and then came to my brothers and me. I… I yelled at him. I told him no, and he listened." He looked at them and listened to the profound silence that seemed to fill the room. No one knew what to say to him.

"That's when you were glowing, right?" Dean asked softly and Cas nodded. He knew there was more to that story, he knew it but he didn't want to admit it. This was the moment to tell them, to tell them everything but it was so hard to say.

"Who was that man?" Mary's voice was softer and held an undertone of fear that Cas wished he could erase. She'd gone through so much that night, injured and witness to the deaths of her family, even one of her children.

He had to share, this was the time that lying would no longer be acceptable in any shape. They were there for him, he trusted them, he needed to say what was on his mind. "Death. That man was the Grim Reaper and I've seen him in a dream since that time."

"Cas that's not possible," his dad spoke out of concern and the worry that his son was right, that the horseman of Death had come to Castiel in a dream.

"I don't know what's possible, dad. I healed a dying baby this morning!" He didn't mean to shout but he felt so overwhelmed. "And that wasn't the first time I've ever healed someone, that Christmas when grandpa's face turned into a monster's and everyone died was the first real time. I might've done it in small areas before but I can't remember those, the only one I remember was Dean."

"Me?" Dean's eyes widened a bit, "What do you mean? I was fine… after…" he trailed off, his hand finding the wound that should've –  _had_ – killed him. "How bad was it?"

"You were…" Cas choked and he looked down at his lap, his hands clenching into fists, "you…" tears welled up in his eyes as the feeling came back to him. Cold, still and lifeless.

"Oh my god," Mary reached over and pulled Castiel against her, "Cas, it's okay," she whispered, cradling him and kissing the top of his head. "Whatever you had to do, it's okay."

He sobbed and tried to curl in on himself, it hurt to say it, to share that part of his mind. But it had been so heavy and suffocating that the weight that lifted from him left him floundering. Cas felt so relieved, so scared but lighter than he had been for years. He felt Dean's arms around his back and he cried harder, it felt good to do it. Dean's love washed over him and engulfed him; his mother's and his father's love were a support to hold him and he let it out. A poison in his soul until now, it left him feeling stronger but shaky. In another light he would've told himself he was being dramatic and this whole thing was cheesy, but that wasn't the light he was in now.

"I love you," he squeaked between breaths, he felt his dad's hand on his knee and the other squeezing his own clenched fist.

"We love you too," John was the only one able to properly speak, a sturdy baritone that eased them all just a little. Mary was crying and struggling to keep it in, he could feel her attempts slipping until his dad spoke. Dean's face was buried against his back, his mouth pulled tight and eyes squeezed shut. Dean's feelings were a mass of confusion and Cas couldn't even begin to untangle it, all he knew was that Dean was there for him.

It was all so much for him, overwhelming and maddening. He felt a spark in his body, it was subtle and barely noticeable but it was there. Even with his eyes closed he could see there was a light around them, around him. He was glowing again, soft light emitted from his body and getting brighter the more he felt. As his emotional state calmed down so did the light until it faded and his limbs were no longer tense and his body relaxed.

They stayed that way for some time until Cas managed to calm down. No one mentioned the glow but he knew they all noticed it. John remained kneeled on the floor in front of him but Dean and Mary loosened up their grips on him to sit normally again.

"Thank you," Dean looked him in the eye, their faces still very close, it almost felt like they were the only two in the room for a few seconds.

"I would do anything…" Cas whispered and dropped his gaze again but Dean moved his chin up.

"Don't look down, you saved me, that's a good thing right?"

"Of course!" Cas couldn't believe he made Dean even question that.

"Easy, Cas. It's okay, I was just joking." Dean grinned and pat him on the shoulder, Cas felt a light blush in his cheeks.

"Right…"

"So," John sat back on his legs and looked Mary as she rubbed her eyes, "our boy's got some super powers."

"Looks that way," she laughed softly and sniffled once, "what on earth do we do about it?"

Cas looked at them curiously, he knew that they knew they couldn't hide their feelings from him. They were both so calm about it, aside from the sudden fear of having almost lost Dean. They were grateful, they felt blessed to have him, they were so accepting he wanted to cry again.

"Not sure yet, but what I do know is this," John looked at Cas with a smile, "Don't panic, okay? Whatever's going on with you, don't panic. So you don't need to sleep at night, I'd say get a hobby. Find something you like to do quietly and do it, you'll feel better."

"But what if something happens? What if I can't control it?"

"Whatever this is," Mary touched his arm gently and caught his eye, "strong emotions trigger it, if you freak out you'll just end up in a cycle of panic. Next time just take a deep breath, try to ignore whatever's upsetting you."

Cas nodded, he wished it were that easy but it was a start. "Do we tell Sam?"

"I think Sam should know, do you want him to?" his mom asked and he nodded.

"I don't want him to freak out later, it'll be better if he knows now." Cas imagined Sam finding out some other way, Cas glowing or something happening around him. Sam would be more insulted than anything else, and Cas didn't want to cause that kind of animosity just because he wasn't sure if Sam could handle that sort of information.

John looked at Dean carefully, "Keep an eye on your brother, okay?"

"Got it," Dean gave a quick nod and turned to Cas, "It'll be okay, we've got this."

Castiel exhaled steadily, "Alright," he smiled shakily and wiped stray tears from his eyes, "okay, thank you." He covered his face as they slipped down his cheeks faster than he could push them away, "Thank you, so much."

Cas hadn't realized if he was stressed out, he hadn't noticed how much strain he'd put on his mental capacity because he thought he could handle all of it on his own. But the amount of freedom he felt in his spirit was more than enough to tell him otherwise. Castiel thanked whatever important being out there for his family, for the people there for him.


	22. 13 Years-Old: Requited Crush

"No shit?" Jet leaned over a railing looking down at the older Winchester boys; he and Sam had gone up half a level and looked them over a short balcony. They were in the mall and some of the staircases were parted by a short platform for the case to change direction. Cas didn't know why, he wasn't an architect but it was there and Sam was dangling from it.

"No shit," Dean replied with a smirk and looked over at Cas who shrugged.

"I knew you had super powers," Sam was so calm about it, even when they told him the few days before. Jet heard at the same time but he remained in disbelief longer than anyone. He always tried his best to explain things the way he knew how, even if he didn't actually have the means to explain it properly.

"I still can't believe it." Jet shook his head, "I mean that's wicked cool, man. You can tell what I'm feeling? Can you read my mind?"

"I can't read minds, but I get the gist from your emotional and spiritual state." Cas felt like he was getting better at talking about it, like it was a semi-normal occurrence.

"What am I feeling now?"

"Doubt."

Jet scrunched up his nose, "I told you that, that doesn't count. Something else."

Cas furrowed his brow a little, just enough to pinch his skin to get a crease, "I don't like digging in your heads, it's very personal and intimate. Dean's is the only one I can see freely." He felt fire in his cheeks, he hadn't meant to really share that much. Dean's ears turned red and both Sam and Jet shared a look, "I don't know why that is, it just is." Cas quickly covered and cleared his throat, "Anyway…" he tried to reach a little deeper in Jet's surface. "Amusement, you're amused at… Dean?"

"That's enough of that," Jet pushed himself up on the railing and flipped over it, landing on their level. "It's a Friday and it's a long weekend, we should enjoy our day off." Sam hopped down to join them as they started walking.

"So you said Meg was like you too, right?" Dean looked at Cas as they passed the center of the mall, a large fountain spraying into the air like a geyser nearby.

"Yeah," his eyes were on the water as it shot into the air for a bit before dropping back down to resting position, "But don't spread that around, she didn't really give me permission to share."

"Pfft, so what?" Jet scoffed loudly over his shoulder at them without actually turning around, "She gossips about all of us all the damn time, why should we be nice?"

"For one, she's friends with Bela, don't you like her?" Dean raised an eyebrow in amusement at his friend's shrugging shoulders.

"More or less I guess, she's pretty but we don't really get along. You know that, man." Jet glanced back at them this time, "She's always after something, can't say I trust her enough to go on a date."

Cas laughed softly at him, "It's not like she's going to eat you alive, you know. I thought you wanted to date her, what happened?"

"Meh," Jet scrunched up his face a bit on the left side, almost in disgust of the idea. "Like I said, she's pretty cute but we don't match. The only reason I consider it is because it's kind of becoming the thing. People like each other, going on dates, whatever. She's the popular girl in class and I'm one of the popular guys so it'd make sense but I don't want to."

"No one says you have to, you know." Dean shoved his shoulder playfully.

"Duh, that's why I'm not." Jet shoved back.

"Dating's stupid anyway." Sam muttered, his lips pursed together in an almost-pout.

"Oh?" Jet smirked and leaned down closer to Sam's level, "So I guess you'd never wanna date me, huh? Since it's stupid?"

Sam blinked in surprise and looked up at the taller boy, unsure of what to say, he was out of words for a few seconds until he frowned and looked forward again, "I wouldn't wanna date you because  _you're_  stupid."

"Ouch." Jet couldn't push his grin down if he tried, "Alright, I'll try again in a few years when I'm smarter." He messed up Sam's hair, the little Winchester frowning harder despite the blush on his cheeks.

The four of them walked into the food court, Dean and Jet both breathed in the air like it were an amazing place. Cas sniffed once and smiled a bit, it was the smell of greasy food and everything that's bad for you all in one place. He looked around at many familiar faces, lots of people from school were hanging at the mall, it was kind of like a bigger version of their lunchroom.

"Cas," Meg slung an arm around his shoulders, giving him a bit of a start. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Hey," he laughed a little nervously, he hadn't sensed her coming. "You here with the others?"

"Yeah, it's a shopping day." She made a face at that but didn't let her girls see it.

"Hey Dean," Lisa walked up close to Dean, leaning in a little and making Cas' blood boil.

"Uh, hi Lisa." Dean smiled awkwardly, a bit of colour flushed into his cheeks, "How's it going?"

 _Get away from him._  Cas pushed the thought aside, it was silly to get mad over something as stupid as Dean's personal space. Instead he decided talking to Meg was a bit more important, "Can I ask you something? In private?" He turned to her and she nodded, she was smart so he expected she had an idea of what he was about to ask.

"Ooh," Bela grinned t them, "I thought nothing happened here?"

"It didn't," Cas assured her casually and walked away with Meg. Dean and the others had no qualms with it, they knew enough to know that Meg was like him in some ways. "How often do you sleep?"

"Straight to asking, I see." Meg folded her arms over her chest, "Depends, how often do you sleep?"

"Less and less," Cas sighed, "I know it's stupid to worry about it but I get about 5 hours a night if I'm lucky."

"You don't need to sleep, do you?"

How'd she know? He shook his head, "Not really, those 5 hours is pushing it. Seriously, does this happen to you too?"

"I don't sleep at all." She said it so naturally it seemed like he should just nod his head and say 'whatever' or something equally as disinterested.

"At all?" He stared at her in disbelief, "Not even a little? Like two hours or something?"

"Nope, never. Stopped sleeping last year some time." She shook her hair, long dark strands drifted around her face like a super model. He wondered why she didn't go after someone else, she was very pretty and charming in her own way. But that wasn't the point right that second.

"Did it just happen or…?"

"Nope again, it was gradual, just like yours." Meg paused; her lips pursed a little crookedly as she regarded him thoughtfully, "But if you're down to five a night that fast then I have to say I'm impressed. I knew girls matured earlier but I didn't know guys did it so suddenly."

Cas frowned at her, "I doubt I'm the right person to use as your basis for all other guys. Regardless, what the hell does it mean? Why can't we sleep? And can you… did you ever do things like I do?"

"You mean break tables? No." She raised an eyebrow at him and he looked away.

"I'm sorry about that… I thought you were okay with it…"

"I am," she punched his shoulder and he flinched from it, playful or otherwise it was pretty hard. "You gotta learn to relax, Cas. But anyway, still no. I haven't showed any signs of glowy super strength."

"Or healing?"

Meg froze up again; he wished he could read her in moments like that. He could feel a little, what she missed when covering herself up and it was odd to see. But none of it was telling, nothing to explain to him what she was thinking or feeling when she stopped like that. "You heal things?" She was hesitant.

"People, I did it by accident at the hospital the other day." He lifted his hands a little, "I glow like I did at the restaurant, where I touch them there's light and then they're fine. And this time it wasn't like a wound or bruise, it was a sickness. There was a baby that was dying and now he's not, I don't know how I did it or if I could ever do it again." He remembered Dean and pushed the image from his mind, healing a sickness wasn't as impressive as it turned out.

She thought the same, he could see it on her face but she'd learned from last time that mentioning it was definitely something to avoid. "Then why worry about it? You can't control what's happening to you so just deal with it when it happens."

"But I don't know what's going to happen! Could you give me a clue, at least?"

Meg shook her head, "I can't give you anything, Cas. You're different than me, I don't have any clues as to what's going to happen to you." She started back toward her friends, "C'mon, we shouldn't be away too long."

He watched her walk away and sighed, he'd have to handle most of it on his own, apparently. That was okay, he decided quickly and followed after her, she wouldn't be Meg if she rolled over and gave him answers. Besides, he wasn't alone in this anymore. His family knew, his friends knew, he could at least exist normally in their world.

* * *

Later in the day Castiel sat alone with Dean, the girls had left them nearly as soon as they'd bumped into them and Sam insisted that someone take him to the HMV to look at something. Dean and Cas happily remained on the bench like loser brothers until Jet finally gave in to Sam's nagging. Both grinned as Sam stuck his tongue at them while he walked away, Jet also gave them a look that meant vengeance was coming in some shape or form.

"Never gets old," Dean laughed softly and slumped back.

"He'll eventually find out we have good intentions."

Dean snorted at him, "Maybe you do."

"True enough." Cas looked at Dean who was much lower than him due to poor posture, "Hey Dean? Can I ask you something?"

"What's up?"

"If something weird happens around me… will you still be there?"

Dean glanced up at him before pushing himself upright again, "What do you mean? Like what?"

"I don't know, just anything strange. I might end up…. I mean I was thinking about it before but I don't know what's going to happen. If I end up being crazy, like Mr. Caplan or… or grandpa, will you still care about me?" He looked down at his feet as he spoke, eyes shifting toward Dean every now and then.

His brother was quiet for a bit but it wasn't an uncomfortable kind of silence, Cas could feel Dean's presence and nothing about it was unpleasant. He was gentle, sweet and meant the best for him. "Cas, if you're dangerous like them I'll find a way to stop you because I know you'd never want to do that, I'll never stop caring about you. If you're terrifying to be next to and have a face like they did I'll still be there. We're family, we're best friends, I'll always be there." He stated like it was a given fact of life and for that Castiel was grateful. Dean reached around and pulled him into a strong hug, Cas melted into it and sighed lightly.

It was warm, Dean's arms were strong and he thought maybe he could stay there forever. They used the same shampoo but it smelled better on Dean, he' decided a long time ago. Cas wished he could bury into Dean and remain there, safe and unchanged. But that wasn't possible; he leaned back from the hug and smiled at his brother. "You're amazing, Dean."

"I'm just a guy, you're the one that's changing everything." He could've sworn he saw a blush in Dean's cheeks. Dean was blushing; Cas' eyes widened a little. Why? Why was Dean's face red like that?

Just once, he could dig a little deeper inside Dean just once and see what was going on. Cas bit his lower lip and took a glance, breaking his own decision as easily as he'd made it the first time. It'd been a while since he'd seen Dean that way; his soul was as bright as ever. Every time Cas saw it he saw a new part of Dean, a new piece of his being and became more attached than ever before. Each time he felt closer to Dean, Cas wondered if that's what it felt like to be on drugs but that was the last time he wanted to compare the two.

Dean's mind was focused on one thing, his feelings and thoughts all funnelled toward Castiel. All at once, in one sitting and one look Cas got a full view of what was going on with his brother; Dean liked him. Dean had the same reaction to the kiss that he had, maybe stronger.

Cas couldn't look at anything more than that; he could hardly believe what he'd seen let alone getting anything more from it. His heart raced as the thought settled in his mind, staring at Dean's face as the other teen looked down the mall walkways for Sam and Jet to return. Part of him realized he could do it again, he could kiss Dean again and it'd be the same magically, exciting thing it had been the first time. He could get what he wanted if he tried hard enough. But should he? It reminded him of the movie Jurassic Park, spending so much time trying to figure out if he could do it he never put any thought toward whether or not he  _should_.

' _He's my brother. He's not sure of anything; he's just as confused as he is crushing on me. It wouldn't be fair, I can't do anything, I shouldn't do anything.'_  He told himself sternly and looked down at his hands, "People don't have to change the world to be amazing." He whispered and felt the little rush in Dean's mind as he spoke.

It was okay. Cas nodded to himself before looking up at Dean's smiling face. Dean's feelings for him might fade, they might not, but Cas wasn't sure now was the time to do anything about it. He wasn't even sure he wanted it; he already knew that he was messed up for thinking in the first place. But Dean? He couldn't see Dean as some kind of mentally sick person, someone with romantic feelings for his family. It wasn't in Dean; Cas didn't want to put it there either.

Part of him wanted to relax about it, people who love their family that way aren't all sick, some of them are born with a preference and family suited their needs. It was okay. He was one of those people, someone who had a type and a spiritual connection to another man who just happened to be his brother. Cas could accept that about himself, he could love that part of himself but he didn't want Dean to be like that. It was a conflict of interest and made no sense to him but he made his decision based on that concept. He'd leave it alone for now, Dean didn't know he knew and so they'd never have to have that conversation. He wouldn't ruin anything between them, or Dean, and everything could be normal.

While Cas was settled on this idea, he couldn't help but feel better. Knowing Dean liked him too was a relief and made him happier than he could explain.

"So we got this," Jet lifted up a Harry Potter poster with a half smirk on the side of his mouth that Sam couldn't see.

"I'm gonna hang it on my wall." Sam grinned happily and Dean had to fight the urge to call his little brother a nerd. The pause was about five seconds long before he failed to do so but Sam took it in good humour.

"Looks great, Sammy." Cas smiled at it, "I'll help put it up."

"Thank you, Cas." Sam said dramatically, "At least one of my brothers isn't a jerk."

"Be nicer to Cas, he's going through some stuff." Dean joked and Sam punched him in the leg, twice for good measure.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wanted to take this moment to tell you all I'm so glad to be taking this journey with you! Thanks for all the support :D Keep reviewing, even if this story is forever old because I will read every single one (and I always have).
> 
> This is the final part of them being 13, the next time skip is to 16 years old and in that section of the story things are gonna get a bit more intense so I wanted to give you a heads up.
> 
> I also wanted to take a moment to comment/reply to some of the reviews I've gotten here. I've had a few people comment about wondering if so-and-so is a hunter or whatever else. This story is AU, very AU, it has no hunters like the show has, I hope that disappoints no one. To those of you who support and love Jet: thank you, for that I love you too.


	23. 16 Years-Old: Morning Routine

Castiel sat watching the sunrise from the living room window, his hands were covered in papier-mâché and his nighttime craft propped up in the centre of the room. He heard his father's alarm going and it made him smile; the morning routine was always one of his favourite parts of the day. He got up and cleaned the mess he'd made, leaving the sculpture to dry surrounded by newspaper. As he gathered the materials a sharp pain shot through his back muscle and he had to stop and wait it out, the spasm lasted about a minute before he could continue doing what he'd started.

It'd started happening before summer began, his gym classes had to be cut down and the doctor couldn't tell what was wrong with him. Cas had been dragged to massage therapy and chiropractic care a few times throughout the summer but all they could tell him was that there was a massive knot of muscle. It wasn't caused by anything as far as they knew and he couldn't shake it off. Massages helped the most; it relaxed his back and left him with a spasm every few hours instead of constant pain.

Cas couldn't think of something worse that had ever happened to him,  _and_  it had been exam time which stressed him out even more. He'd experienced pain throughout his life, though over the years the pain was brief and healed quickly. Having a constant ache, and one so strong for a period of time really knocked him down and zapped his energy. It had only lasted a few days but for those days he'd remained bedridden with heat packs to relax the muscle. A spasm every now and then was much better; he could handle a being still and in pain for a few minutes a day. Just one of those things he put up with that no one else did. His mom said maybe they were growing pains but his dad didn't seem convinced.

Castiel hurried to the kitchen and readied all the ingredients for breakfast, it was just what he did for his dad in the mornings and today it involved omelettes. He didn't sleep at night anymore; it had happened right after turning fifteen. His sleep had dwindled down to about two hours a night when he was fourteen and then he just didn't feel the slow drag of exhaustion. Since that'd happened he'd taken up cooking in the morning, making breakfast for his parents and brothers.

He didn't want to think about where he'd be in a few hours. That morning was the first day they'd be getting back on the bus and heading to school. Grade 11, almost done he'd tell himself. This would be his first day back after summer, and then he'd only have to do the 'first day back' one more time and he'd be free. Graduation couldn't come soon enough.

The set up was fast so Cas spent some time cleaning the kitchen while his dad finished his morning wake-up. Shower, shave, and all the things Cas didn't care to think about his dad doing. He mixed the ingredients and set them to fry up, fluffy and ready just in time. Shortly later his father wandered downstairs, clean and yawning hard into the back of his hand. "Morning!" Cas greeted him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning," John smiled and sat down at the table, "What's for breakfast today?"

"Omelettes, just the way you like them." He beamed and placed the plate on the table.

John kept on smiling and gave Cas' shoulder a squeeze, "We're gonna have to buy you a cook book or something for all this."

"Internet's fine," he shrugged, "And the old recipes in the drawer don't hurt." Cas smiled and watched his father mow through the breakfast he'd made, egg, cheese, a few of John's favourite spices, and a number of different minced vegetables Cas had prepared earlier in the night. "So?" He asked, as he usually did when awaiting approval for his work. John nodded with a mouth full and continued to pick up the pace through his meal. There was a glint in his eye but John didn't act on it or say anything, which was normal as of late.

Castiel went to make his next, quietly and peacefully frying it up. He pretended he didn't notice his father looking his way; there had been something inside his dad for a while now. A thought that Cas didn't want to push for, something about him and it wasn't the normal pride he was used to. Part of him wanted to ask but he left it, his dad would bring it up at some point and they could settle it, get rid of whatever plagued John's mind. But until then Cas didn't want to know.

"How's your back?" John asked after a moment and Cas shook his head.

"It's the same,"

He could tell it bothered his dad; to know his son could be in so much pain at a time like that but there was nothing either of them could do. Massages and stretches were his best course of action, Cas kept up with it because he never wanted to be stuck in bed from back pain again.

That morning was as relaxing as it could be, Castiel saw his dad off to work and listened to the sound of his mom waking up. He smiled and went back to prepare another omelette, this time to her liking.

* * *

Distant cheering was the first thing that Cas heard as he stepped off the bus, first day of his junior year and already something strange was happening. He glanced back at Dean who shrugged, his band shirt fit him well, or at least Cas thought so. School was nothing to be excited about but many people enjoyed the first day back. For some they hadn't seen their friends and classmates for two months, many were interested in knowing how the last few growth spurts had treated fellow students.

In some regard it was fun, Cas smiled and waved at some people he hadn't had the chance to visit during the summer months. Charlie ran up and pulled on his arm, "C'mon you guys! Jet's taking requests, let's go."

"Requests?" Dean raised an eyebrow with a smirk pulling on his lips, he glanced at Sam who nodded enthusiastically, he wanted to go. "What kind?"

"Performance requests," Charlie answered as she dragged Castiel along, he made no effort to fight back. "People take their iPods, plug it into his speakers and pick a song, see if he can come up with something for it."

"Anything hilarious happen?" Dean laughed as he followed along, Sam now ahead of them both.

"It's Jet," Charlie looked at him with the 'isn't it obvious? expression, "of course."

Castiel wasn't too surprised to hear what Jet was up to, he and Dean had been doing things like that for almost a year now. Cas had tried but he was too clumsy to really do it right. They'd watch Youtube videos and teach themselves the choreography, Cas loved to watch them do it too. Both were amazing but Dean always caught his attention more, something about a stupid crush having kept it's evil little fingers in his mind somewhere. But despite Dean being his favourite he couldn't help but keep an eye on Jet too, the other boy had so much more confidence doing it, he wasn't afraid to move or do things that could make him look silly. Dean was a little more self conscious about it, getting embarrassed far easier.

So while he wasn't surprised Jet was performing, he was a little shocked it'd be in front of so many people and without planning. He must've been bored, that was the only reason Cas could think that Jet would do it. Either that or he was so certain he could pull off anything it'd impress someone, attention was always something that Jet enjoyed.

The closer they got the more they could hear, Gordon was talking to Jet though Cas could sense it wasn't 'talking' so much as 'trash.'

"Oh yeah? You can't do  _any_  requests, quit lyin', Tull."

Jet raised an eyebrow looking down at the shorter male with smug amusement, "Sure I can, what're you too chicken shit to ask me to do?"

Gordon grimaced a little, it was subtle but Cas caught it. "I shoulda said you wouldn't do any requests, your pride's too big."

"Shut up if you don't have anything, Gordy." Jet sneered and started to turn away but Gordon took out his mp3 player.

"Do it like a girl, then." Gordon grinned as some of the crowd around cheered, the sound slowly growing louder. Jet had a reputation in school already; you don't fuck with him and if you're going to challenge him be ready for a fight. Cas never took part in the fights, he didn't like them but Dean was always in the mix. Everyone cleared the area as Gordon chose his song. Dean and Cas exchanged a glance, a smile crossing both of their lips.

Cas recognized the song playing; it was the intro to Hips Don't Lie by Shakira. He looked at Jet who was the centre of attention and  _owning_  it. His mouth matched the words and if Cas had ever seen Jet do anything like dirty dancing before he couldn't remember it being  _that_  commanding. It was like he'd seen Shakira's performance videos for the song, he could almost match her, Gordon must have picked one of the ones that Jet enjoyed doing. The other students were mesmerized, surprised someone with his lanky bone structure could move that way, Cas was with them despite having seen the makings of these kinds of dances.

The cheering only got louder as the dance came to a strong finish, Jet's chest was heaving from the effort he'd decided to put into it. A challenge from someone he hated? Of course they'd get his best, he'd offer nothing less to show them up.

Castiel clapped and cheered with Dean and the others, "That was awesome!" He called and Jet looked their way.

"Hey guys!" He lit up and went right to them, "Finally decided to get over here, huh?"

"Our bus took a little longer, new kids." Dean replied and caught Jet in their secret handshake before Jet turned to Cas to do the same.

"That was awesome!" Sam cheered excitedly, "I didn't know you could do that."

"Your brother can too," Jet eyed Dean with a smirk but left it at that, "Glad you liked it, Sammy."

Sam smiled wide and then they all heard the bell ring. "Crap," Sam ran past them, "I have to get a locker! See you later!"

"Have a good day, Sam." Castiel shouted after him though he couldn't be sure his little brother even heard him.

Gordon snorted a laugh at them, "Figures you could do it," he sneered at Jet who turned a glare on the other teen. "Being friends with the Weird-chesters there had to be something wrong with you. Turns out you're just queer."

Jet raised an eyebrow at Gordon, "And what's wrong with that? Whether or not I'm gay changes my worth?"

"Yeah," Charlie shouted from next to Cas, startling him a bit. She was the school's LGBTQ* representative, nothing got past her 'equality-radar.' "What  _is_  wrong with being queer, Gordon? You have a problem with it?"

Gordon opened his mouth to speak but other students looked at him with more distaste than Cas was ready to see. He felt proud of his community and his peers for that moment, to not let Gordon get away with using that as an insult. Their usual bully had to slink away without much of another word, there was something douchey said but Cas didn't pay much attention to it.

"So I think it's safe to say," Charlie grinned and punched Jet in the arm, "That you are probably one of the coolest guys in our grade."

"I dunno," Jet laughed and slung an arm around Dean, "We're still in the same grade as these guys."

"Don't even," Cas scoffed and Dean made a face at him.

"Shut it, Cas. I'm awesome!"

"Then why didn't you join him in that last one? I'm sure you knew it." Cas smiled at him, knowing Dean's stage fright.

"I didn't want to step on his moment." Dean proclaimed proudly, "Now c'mon, we gotta get lockers."

"We waited too long, probably gonna get shitty ones." Cas sighed as they all wandered into the halls, his prison.

"Nah, I distracted people pretty well," Jet grinned widely, "No one went to get one so you're on even ground."

"Thanks man," Dean grabbed Cas' arm, "Let's go, gotta get there first!"

For the number of times people grabbed his arm and dragged him around Cas was starting to think he was slow.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Sunday morning is a bad time to post anything but I wanted to give you guys a Canadian Thanksgiving present (it's Thanksgiving weekend here so I am showing how thankful I am for you guys by giving a chapter!) Please review/comment and have a great day!


	24. 16 Years-Old: How Was Your Summer?

Cas sat still during role call, he watched the other students tiredly respond, classmates he'd known for years and knew that some of them were glancing back at him. He told himself this year he wouldn't do anything silly, nerves were the last thing on his mind. He was anxious about school he just didn't want to be there. In fact he'd rather spend his time staring out the window. He looked outside with yearning, the sky was clear, the air was warm and he could've sworn he heard the birds singing like he were a Disney princess or something.

He smiled and slumped down on his hand as his elbow rested on the table, being royalty was probably pretty cool. Riches weren't Cas' thing but they probably didn't have school like this, maybe they had private teachers that really cared about their progress and well-being. That concept was a thing of fairy tales, or at least there was rarely a teacher in the system that did it.

"Castiel Winchester."

He startled a bit and looked up, "Yes?"

"Just role call, Cas."

He heard some light snickering and frowned, at least he hadn't made a total fool of himself but he still felt pretty dumb.

"It's okay," Dean leaned over to him reassuringly, "Just first day jitters."

"I know." He hissed back and slumped down on his desk with a heavy sigh. As if he didn't get them every year in a row, like he wouldn't know. But Cas took a deep breath and let it go; there was no need to get upset. The more upset he got the more likely he was to make a fool of himself.

Day one had gotten less easy over the years, he remembered when the entire day was basically relaxed and no work was really assigned. Deeper and deeper into high school he realized that things wouldn't always be that way. The time for relaxation had gone, people were thinking about college and university, which post secondary lifestyle they'd choose or if they would even go. Cas didn't want to. No matter how much society told him 'education is important' he knew that he could teach himself anything he needed to really know. It wasn't worth being stranded in a sea of unfriendly faces surrounded by concrete walls. Castiel swore to himself he'd never go to school again, not once he'd graduated, not ever.

Their first class was English Language Arts, which made the first quarter of the day relatively simple – sit with an assigned partner and discuss your summer. Once that had been done you fill out at least one sheet of lined paper about how your summer was similar to, or different from, your classmate.

"Bela and Dean."

Well he knew right off the hop he wouldn't get his brother, Castiel waited anxiously to know who he'd be put with. He was hoping strongly for Jet, Charlie, or Meg, however he couldn't be lucky, not on the first day back.

"Jet and Meg."

He clenched his hands tightly as the names trickled by, the few great choices left dwindled and disappeared slowly until finally;

"Castiel and Charlie."

' _Oh thank god.'_  He exhaled lightly and glanced her way, she waved once at him though he figured she might've wanted to be with someone else. Regardless though he got to be her partner so they moved together as soon as they were given permission. "That was close," he laughed softly and she nodded.

"Yeah, you almost got stuck with Gordon." She nodded toward his usual bully. "What's his deal, anyway? I still don't get why he picks on you."

"Insecure, mostly." Castiel shrugged shallowly. "I don't blame him, I'm odd and making fun of me makes him feel better. I guess… I mean I'd like him to stop but at the end of the day only he can."

"You're too nice, Cas." Charlie shook her head and grabbed a pen, "I'd jab 'im in the throat or something." She thrust it forward like a knife, quick and simple movements in Cas' direction.

"I don't like to fight, it doesn't feel right." He moved her hand aside and settled with his notebook, "So I guess we get this thing started, huh?"

"Yeah! So what'd your summer look like? Go anywhere?" She smiled brightly at him as he gave his head a quick shake. "We did, went on a trip with my parents. It was only three weeks long but we got to sleep in a really nice hotel."

Cas squinted a little at her, "Where'd you go? I was wondering what happened to you in the last month."

"Nowhere! That's the best part, it was a road trip just around the states."

He tilted his head, "And in that time you only slept in one nice hotel?"

She nodded vigorously, "Near the 'Mall of America.' Not cheap but worth the few days' stop."

Cas huffed lightly as his lips pulled back in a smile, "Wow, so you guys slept in the car most of the time, huh?"

"Sure did. Was a bit rough sometimes but it was fun."

Cas couldn't imagine it, sleeping in general for him was off the table but if he could remember what it was like to fall asleep he was sure he wouldn't enjoy sleeping in a car. His family had three kids so those kinds of road trips were so far out of the question he'd never even thought to bring it up.

"So what'd you do?" She leaned closer to him and broke him out of his thoughts. He had to remind himself to keep his head in the game; it was the first day back, which meant he needed to be more in tune to his surroundings than anywhere else.

"Honestly I don't think I did anything interesting. I mean to sum it up I hung out with people I knew, I played games, I watched movies and a few TV series, and did chores as my parents required." Part of him wished there was more but really he enjoyed every moment of his summer break.

"Well elaborate on it, maybe." Charlie tapped her pen against the top of her desk, a little tick of hers he'd noticed when she got slightly less patient. "Who'd you hang out with?"

"Dean, Jet, Sam, my parents, Meg… You, before you went off on your trip." He grinned at her as she looked away sheepishly, "Could've let me know you were leaving, y'know."

"Sorry, guess I didn't want anyone to know where I was." She shrugged innocently, "Thought it'd be fun to vanish mysteriously."

"Glad you enjoyed it," he laughed lightly at her and she smacked his leg with her writing utensil.

"C'mon, more details. What'd you watch?"

Cas pursed his lips as he thought back, "A few things. During summer we're free to stay up as late as we want and do just about anything. Dean, Jet, Sam, and I all picked some movies at the beginning of the break and we swore we'd marathon them all throughout the two months. Dean chose the Die Hard movies, I picked The Lord of the Rings, Sam went with the Harry Potter series, and Jet had to go with Saw." He made a face and shuddered, "Not a fan of those last ones."

Charlie was grinning from ear to ear, "So you guys just blasted through some epics, huh? That's awesome, wish you would've invited me."

"Sorry, guess we didn't think of it." Cas smiled guiltily, "But it was fun, if that's any consolation."

"Not really, but I'm glad you guys got into some 'dorky' stuff." She air-quoted around 'dorky' knowing it meant more than the popular-kids' meaning. Cas loved the geeky stuff; the things people told him were meant for the nerds and all the culture that grew around it. He found that there was so much passion for stories and worlds and people that weren't necessarily real. It didn't matter because those people were real to someone, and to Cas that was beautiful.

A few more stories exchanged between the two got them going on their homework. If they could get it done in the allotted time given in class it was just work, nothing to do at home meant another free day.

"Sam got to go to summer camp," he added absently as they both scribbled down some things on their sheets of paper. "It was a quiet week but I think Dean and I played more two-player games in that week than we had in 12 solid years."

Charlie cracked up a bit, "I believe it, either that or you two just played more often because no one had to pass the controller."

"That too."

"What about Jet? Didn't he visit?"

"Yeah, I mean of course he did but that week he was barely over. His mom had just come home after having been hospitalized for a week before, so he was making up the time he didn't spend in the hospital." Cas didn't like to think about Jet's mom's condition, it was painful to know his friend lived with so much stress. Their family did all the could but in the end Jet still had to be the one to either sit in a hospital chair while his mom slept for 12 hours straight or not visit her. Rarely was she awake when bedridden under the doctor's watchful eye, usually too exhausted to move. It wasn't a good environment for Jet to be in, and it didn't happen that often, maybe two or three times in a year. Nikki understood, she preferred he not go and see her there if he didn't have to.

"Oh," Charlie looked at him sympathetically, "Sorry to hear that."

"It's okay, most people know Jet's situation and he doesn't seem to mind." Cas was speaking softly, his eyes shifting over to where Jet and Meg were both grinning and appearing to hold back laughter. He wondered what they were talking about but he was sure he already knew some of it. He had, after all, spent his summer with both of them at some point or another.

* * *

 

Mary rushed inside when she heard the phone ringing, her hands covered in dirt and knees with grass stains on them. "Hello?" She was a little out of breath but nothing too bad, still in okay shape she figured.

" _Mary, it's me."_

"John? What's wrong? Why're you calling from work?" She wiped her brow and leaned against the countertop.

" _I was just thinking about Cas,"_  John trailed off and she waited for him to continue, knowing he wanted her to ask 'what' and play a stupid game of 'what was John gonna say this time?'  _"You and I both know he wasn't ours to start with."_

She furrowed her brow and straightened up, "He's our son now, John. What does it matter?"

" _We should tell him, at least."_  John didn't sound like he was asking.

"I don't see what good it does, he'll just get confused." Mary stood firm, not sure what brought this on from her husband. "We should talk about it more before we even think about telling him."

" _I just don't want him to figure it out from someone else, okay?"_

"From who?" She asked already tired of the conversation, "Some winged-man you saw? John, we're the only ones that know okay? Cas will be fine while we discuss it more. Now I don't want to talk about it on the phone, the boys will be home in a few hours so we'll have to talk tonight."

John was quiet but a heavy sigh told her he understood.  _"Okay, we'll talk about it more later."_

* * *

 

School came to a close sooner than Cas could have hoped. As it turned out he only made a fool of himself a few times, mostly due to babbling until he couldn't figure out what he meant anymore. Part of it was because he was constantly day dreaming but no one expected much less of him. He decidedly left any homework he might've had and walked to the bus stops. "Have a good evening!" he called to Jet and Meg as the other two wandered away, neither having to take the bus.

"Later, Cas." Jet shouted back and Meg just gave him a peace sign. Cas still couldn't get used to those two hanging out, they fought and argued a lot and more times than Cas could count he thought they hated each other. But at the end of the day they were kind of like bros, he found that to be pretty cool.

Dean clapped him on the shoulder and Cas flinched, "How ya doing?" Dean grinned wildly at him and he shoved his brother's hand away.

"Fine, but I hate that we don't have the last class together."

"Not my fault you didn't want to be in shops class." Dean's face scrunched up at him a little as he beat Cas to the bus by a few longer strides.

"I didn't want to risk losing a finger, thank you." Cas followed him to the back of the bus and dropped down heavily. "Besides, Home Ec. is good for me, teaches some normal life skills."

"Like cooking and sewing?" Dean raised an eyebrow at him and Cas shrugged. "C'mon, that stuff's boring. You should transfer to my class, Jet's there too it'll be fun."

He shook his head, "No, I think I'll stay where I'm at. Cooking is important and I like doing it, sewing is a dying art and someone has to know how to fix clothes in the family."

"Mom knows,"

"Barely, dad's better at it and even then he can't even sew on a button to save his life." Cas gave a short wave to Sam as their little brother hopped onto the bus.

"Whatever man, as long as you enjoy it." Dean leaned back, Cas could tell he was disappointed but it wasn't that bad.

"You'll survive without me." He laughed softly and nudged Dean's shoulder.

"I guess," Dean grinned again and hit back, "But I'll miss you." He was using a playful tone of voice that made Cas want to smack him – so he did.


	25. 16 Years-Old: Saviours On The Streets

"How was school, boys?" Mary shouted at them as the door closed behind, no need for her to get up.

"It was good," Sam called back as he kicked off his shoes and ran into the sitting room where she was lounging with a book. He immediately took to setting up their PS3; he'd gotten into Assassin's Creed recently and couldn't wait to pick it up again.

Cas wandered into the living room and flopped down next to his mom, glancing at the book in her hands, "Reading 'The Long Walk' again, huh?" He smirked and she nodded her head without looking his way.

"Stephen King's a genius, you should read it."

"I did already." He reminded her and she turned her head this time, her expression one of surprise.

"Oh," she muttered simply and looked back down. He didn't think anything was up before but he felt it now, she was thinking about something, something big. He tried to tell himself not to pry, not to push at her thoughts and check in on what was happening. It worked, for the most part. He couldn't stop himself from sensing her emotions, though. His mom felt burdened, contemplative but heavy. Something was complicated; something came up that day she hadn't thought about in a long time.

Cas wanted to ask. He bit his tongue and looked down at feet, something he'd been doing a lot lately and was trying to stop. "Mom?" He spoke softly and he felt her hesitate, whatever it was it had something to do with him. "Why're you so stressed?"

"Your father and I had an argument," She replied not so easily but it came out all the same. Mary placed her bookmark and lowered the novel into her lap, "we have to discuss a few things tonight, that's all."

Sam looked up with some horror, "Are you and dad fighting?"

"No, sweetie." Mary reassured him immediately, "We just had a disagreement, it's nothing serious."

"Then why are you acting so weird?" Cas tilted his head.

"Don't push," Dean warned calmly, "if mom doesn't want to say then leave it."

Cas flinched and pulled back, "Sorry… I didn't mean to." He could see Dean's logic, their mom would tell them if she were ready to, or if they needed to know. Whatever was going on between his parents he just had to hope it'd work out. Part of him, a quiet little piece, didn't believe her though. A fight with John wouldn't have brought this on, why would she be so odd around him if it was about his dad? But he squashed the naysayer in his mind and moved on with something else.

"School went well, considering." He decided to answer her previous question; his change of subject lifted her anxiety considerably. Cas felt a little bad for pushing, he reached out to soothe her nerves as an apology. It worked, more or less. Whatever caused her stress wasn't gone but she seemed to feel better.

"Any trouble with first day jitters?" She asked hopefully, thinking maybe he'd say no and it was a great day after all.

"Of course," he sighed and tried to let her down easy. "But it wasn't all bad. Jet performed this morning, had a crowd gathered to watch him outside the front doors."

"Did he make a fool of himself?" Mary laughed softly; she'd seen the dances Jet and Dean had practiced during the summer at least once.

"No, actually he was really good." Cas smiled and saw Sam out of the corner of his eye, nodding emphatically to agree.

"Well I'll have to ask him to show me." She was still laughing to herself but Cas didn't sense anything hurtful from it.

Castiel waited until he could catch Mary alone, just the two of them when she went to grab snacks, leaving Dean to laugh at Sam's failed attempts to be smooth with his gaming. Cas bit his lower lip lightly as he worked through the different phrases or words he'd use. In the end he decided that beating around the bush would get him nowhere.

"Mom… are you and dad going to fight a lot?" He asked naïvely, knowing how it sounded. "I mean, about me?"

His mom paused and looked at him, surprise in her features but mostly uncertainty. She never intended for him to figure that, never thought he might. "No," she replied honestly, he felt nothing hidden there despite her initial reaction to tell him he was wrong entirely. Mary looked at him with a sad kind of smile, "And really we weren't fighting, I didn't want you to think too much into this so that's what I said."

"Into what? I know it's about me, what's going on?" Cas couldn't understand why lying to him was better than explaining whatever this thing was. He knew she didn't want him to know something, that his parents were talking about him for some reason but he just didn't get it.

"Nothing sweetheart, we'll figure out if anything's happening once I talk to your father." She reassured him and despite his confusion he believed her. His mom knew best, he'd trust his parents like he always did to make these kinds of choices for him.

"Okay," he cooperated and went back to the living room to sit was Sam and Dean.

John came home shortly after but Mary made no moves to speak to him, Cas figured this conversation would occur after everyone else was in bed. He relaxed knowing he wouldn't have an answer until the next day at the earliest; there was no need to panic about it.

* * *

Castiel sat in the living room as he watched everyone else disappear into the house, to get ready for bed and sleep off the last of the day. Part of him missed the ritual of brushing his teeth with his brothers, standing and staring at themselves in the mirror as their mouths were lathered with the minty paste. He smiled to himself and looked down at what he was setting up, his project of papier-mâché and all the mess that went with. He wasn't sure if he wanted to do it right then. He'd worked on it for days, weeks, he wasn't sure. But he was getting bored with it, a project made to keep him busy, entertained and out of trouble. Maybe he'd do nothing this time.

He left it where it stood and went upstairs to where he and Dean shared a room. Cas' gaze drifted to the bed he'd left made and unused, just sitting there and practically leaving the space just for Dean. He knew it was still his too, he knew that his belongings were still there but it felt weird, like Dean's bedroom was his storage space.

"What's up?" Dean asked as he passed, heading to his dresser.

"Nothing," Cas muttered and glanced up to watch Dean pull his shirt off over his head and toss it to the floor. He felt a shiver down his spine and tried to push it out of his mind entirely, it didn't work but he managed to ignore it. "I guess I just miss when things were normal… when I was…"

Dean looked at him but he had to look away, down at the floor, his own feet, anything. He was still so confused but how much of that could he share? His family was already on the edge with him, how often he worried them with the strangest things was uncountable. Cas didn't want to bring his self doubt into the mix, the feelings of being so weird and different. He was loved, it didn't matter how different he was, he had a family that cared for him. His brothers would always be his brothers and his mom and dad would get him through it. He just needed to tell himself this more and more, soon enough he'd feel the weight lift. He hoped so, at least.

"I get it," Dean said after a moment of silence, Cas sat down on his old bed and hunched forward with his elbows on his knees. Dean walked over to him and dropped on the bed beside him, Cas glanced over at the soft expression his brother held and did his best to match the smile there.

"What do you get?"

"You feel like too much has changed, right? Like the world's going too fast or maybe you are?"

Cas nodded and looked back down at his feet. "I don't know what's happening to me…"

"You never know what's happening to you, Cas." Dean pointed out and he only nodded again, what else could he do but agree? It was true, he never knew what was up with him.

"You know… mom and dad weren't really fighting, I talked to her."

Dean stopped and looked at him thoughtfully, "Then why would she say that?"

"I don't really know," he watched his toes without lifting his head, not sure if he should look his brother's way or not. "But I know that whatever's going on is about me."

"How do you know?"

"How do I ever know?" Cas snapped and immediately regretted it, "Sorry… I just… I don't understand why."

Dean was quiet but he leaned over and wrapped his arms around Cas' shoulders, "I didn't mean to piss you off, sorry."

"It's okay." Cas closed his eyes and rested against Dean, he felt so at home there. It was peaceful and maybe, if he stayed, he could've slept. But that was a fantasy for another time when he was alone. "I'm just confused."

"Whatever they're doing I'm sure they've got a reason. Don't worry, okay?" Dean smiled at him as he opened his eyes again. "We're family, family always sticks together."

"Thanks," Cas smiled back, he put a strong hold on his hormones as they flared up and urged him to kiss. He moved to pull away but jerked to a stop when his back spiked in pain and forced him to freeze up. Cas let out a strangled yelp and arched his back, Dean knew what was up because he immediately went to try and massage it.

"Still happening…" Dean muttered despairingly, he hated to see his brother like that and Cas knew it. Cas wished he could keep this to himself, to keep the agony away from anyone else and never bother them. But he couldn't, it wasn't his to control despite how hard he wished for it.

"Sorry," he apologized again and felt the pressure from Dean's hands increase a little as soon as it left is lips.

"Don't be, it's stupid to be sorry for this Cas."

Castiel smiled again and glanced over his shoulder, "Sorry."

Dean stifled a laugh as he grinned back.

The pain passed as it always did and Cas knew better than to keep Dean awake, he said his goodnights and went back down into the living room. He stared at the sculpture tiredly and poked at it. Cas knew he could go and try to listen in on his parents' conversation but decided against it. He'd already made the choice to wait, no need to ruin it by going back on that thought.

But staying inside at night was starting to feel more and more like he was stuck there. Cas put his shoes on and grabbed a light jacket before heading out. It was late and maybe it was a stupid idea but he didn't see anything wrong as he silently closed the door behind him and locked it. As he stepped into the cool night breeze he had to breathe it in. There was something refreshing about the moonlight and calmness of night that made him happy he didn't need to sleep.

Cas walked down the sidewalk for hours, not caring what time it was or where he needed to be. It was freedom, he could be wherever he wanted and it didn't matter, at least not until daybreak. He'd wandered long enough that time slipped past him; there was a light fog around the grass as the air chilled naturally.

He almost missed it as he wandered, a man with a cane standing beneath a streetlight next to a woman lying on the sidewalk.

Castiel stopped and looked down the street, his limbs feeling more and more stiff as he took in the image. It was the horseman, standing over a still body that had probably lost its warmth. Part of Cas wondered why he seemed to be so obvious to him, but the rest of him focused on the woman. Why was she there? What happened to her?

As his heart started to race a hand dropped onto his shoulder, Castiel nearly jumped out his skin as he spun around to face them.

Meg stared at him with some amusement, "What're you doing out here?" She asked while keeping a laugh down.

He breathed a sigh of relief and pushed her hand off his shoulder, "Don't do that to me, don't you see there's a dead body over there?" He hissed as he nodded back where he'd seen Death standing.

"What?" Meg blinked in surprise and looked past him. "Holy shit…" she ran across the street and down to where the woman's body lay. Cas remained where he was as he watched her try to get the stranger's attention, to get a response. What on earth happened?

"She's not dead! I think she had a heart attack!" Meg shouted to him, "Call 911!"

His mouth felt dry and his hand gripped his phone but he didn't call. Instead he walked over to where this woman rested and dropped next to her, something inside told him that Death hadn't done his job. He could feel her soul still inside, she was still there, Meg was right. Castiel reached out, both physically and spiritually until he connected the two. There was another bright light, he knew what it was somehow but he couldn't explain it.

"Holy shit…" Meg repeated in complete awe, her voice barely audible. "Cas… did you just glow?"

He nodded silently as he watched the stranger blink repeatedly and stare up at him. "Are you an angel?" She whispered and he had to shake his head.

"No, just someone who cares."


	26. 16 Years-Old: Do We Tell Him?

Castiel and Meg walked the woman to her home, it was quite the trek but she made it back safely. Cas then wandered in the early morning light with Meg at his side, their mouths shut for a good portion of it. He'd been walking around all night and though he knew he should get home soon he didn't feel the urgency just yet.

"Hey Cas," Meg's voice broke the silence of the morning and he turned to look at her, his expression saying all that he needed to. "You know you're special, right?"

He wasn't sure he had words for a response, but he mustered something. "I know I'm different, Meg. That doesn't make me special."

"I think it does." She looked away but her tone was still strong, like a commander of some kind. "You can heal people, you glow like an ange-"

"Don't call me an angel." He interrupted her, "It reminds me of something unpleasant."

"Caplan?"

"And a number of other things." He stopped when they reached a bench and dropped down onto it, he thought his feet should be sore but they weren't. "Do you have any answers about this? I mean I know you probably won't tell me but I've never seen you glow, or freak out about what's happening to you or anything. Why are you so relaxed with it?"

"I've made peace with what I am." Meg sat down next to him, her hands folded together in her lap.

Castiel looked at her with a little more seriousness in his face, "And what's that?"

"A very strange girl." She smirked back at him and he could barely stifle a laugh.

"Yeah, I guess so." He looked up at the sky and watched it as the colours shifted so subtly he couldn't tell the difference. "You know, if we're both awake at night anyway we should hang out."

Meg was quiet for a moment and he got the hint, that there was a reason they hadn't before and whatever that reason was it was enough to tell him no now.

"What're you doing out here?" Cas asked softly after another few moments went by.

"What're  _you_  doing out here?" She repeated exactly except with a bit more annoyance in her voice.

"I just wanted to be outside tonight, I felt weird at home." He fidgeted with the hem of his sleeves, "I don't know why… my parents are doing something, planning something and it's about me."

"Maybe you're just being narcissistic." She said matter-of-factly.

"No, my mom pretty much told me so. Besides, I can tell these kinds of things, Meg." He knew she was avoiding telling him anything about her reasons, why she was outside and everything else. He'd never met her dad but he could tell the man had to be strict, there was an air around her that almost smelled like it. Since they'd become friends Cas could see her better, of course the things he noticed were granted to him by her, she would let him in one little bit at a time. Sometimes there was a moment he saw more, just a slight break in her concentration maybe or she'd think it was a good idea for two seconds.

Regardless, he'd seen her mind for a short time. Emotionally she wasn't terribly connected to anyone but her family, and maybe Cas. She felt close to him, she understood him and when she wanted to be, she was understood by him. Meg was complicated and strange, she always had been but Cas appreciated her company all the same. Even if he didn't always get an answer when he wanted it.

"You're pretty special too," he added after and enjoyed the scrunched face she made.

"Then you admit that you are?"

"Only if you admit it too." He grinned, knowing she had just as many issues with being 'special' as he did. Different was refreshing to some people, but those people apparently had never been different. It was hard to stray from what was normal and in history it hadn't usually gone too well. Cas knew it was a different century from the witch trials but part of him feared that kind of outcome.

"Alright," Meg laughed and punched him in the shoulder, "We can be special kids together."

* * *

_Earlier that night_

John sat down at the edge of the bed and considered what he was about to say before he spoke. "I'll just start," he stated and she nodded, waiting for a reason for bringing it up at all. "Cas isn't like a normal kid, we know that."

"I think it's pretty obvious," she half laughed at him for saying that, "Sam and Dean can't do what he does."

"Well remember I told you about when I found Cas? Someone had broken into the car and left him there?" She nodded and so did he as he dropped his gaze. John felt insane again but pushed it out despite the doubt, "The man that dropped him off disappeared, he… he flew away, Mary. I know I've gone through that scene in my head at least a thousand times by now, I know it sounds crazy and it is. But he had wings, giant wings that he flew off with." John looked at her again, expecting the exact expression she held as she stared at him. She was in disbelief, probably even wanted to laugh in his face.

"John, you're probably remembering it wrong. We were really tired at that time, what with Dean keeping us up at night."

"I know, I know because that's what I keep telling myself. But if we think of it as maybe being true, that maybe this guy who dropped off a baby that was somehow ours in every legal document, it makes sense."

Mary raised an eyebrow at him but she didn't entirely dismiss him, "What're you saying John? That this winged man gave us a baby? Like an angel or something? Are you trying to tell me Cas is Jesus and I'm some virgin Mary?"

"No, not like that. I mean that Cas is named after an angel; the guy that dropped him off went to a lot of trouble to make sure that Castiel stayed with us. Maybe he really was a blessing, maybe Cas  _is_  an angel." John felt crazier the more he spoke but it all made so much sense to him. Maybe it was because he'd thought about it for days and weeks after they got Cas, and throughout the last ten years it came up over and over again. But he had to consider it, just because they weren't particularly religious didn't mean their son couldn't be an angel.

Mary was quiet as she tried to digest the things he'd questioned for years. "We've both seen him do incredible things," she spoke softly and glanced at a photo of her parents on her bedside table, "He's told us amazing stories of what he's seen and done, but that doesn't mean he's an angel. And even if he was, even if he had wings and unbelievable powers, don't you think he'd know?"

"No, he was left as an infant, I don't know how angel babies work but Cas has no idea what's going on with him. He's struggling with normal teenage things but there's an extra weight on him, I think we need to tell him." John explained earnestly, "He should know."

"I don't think now is a good time," Mary whispered, no conscious of the idea that Cas could be listening, "if he's going through all of this already we shouldn't add 'you were adopted' to the pile. Cas needs us; he needs to know that everything around him is a solid foundation no matter what. You and I know that he's our son no matter what but he might not see it that way, you never know how a kid's going to react to hearing those words."

John sighed and rubbed his temples, "Looking back we probably should've told him from the start."

"We decided not to for a reason," Mary smiled sweetly and moved closer to rub her husband's shoulder, "we didn't want him to feel separate from our family, like he wasn't supposed to be here, or that his parents didn't want him. Castiel grew up loved and accepted, when we do tell him he'll understand. But I think it's better we wait."

"Maybe you're right," John put his hand on hers, "I don't know what's happening with him but we need to be his foundation right now."

* * *

Cas was a little late getting home, he heard his dad upstairs already when he walked in the door. That meant he had some time but not a lot, Cas hurried into the kitchen to get started on breakfast. It wasn't going to be anything fancy, bacon and eggs would probably be the gist of it. Maybe some orange juice, too.

He wanted to ask about everything, what conversation John had with Mary, what was going to happen or if anything was up at all. But he stopped himself; Cas knew his parents would tell him if it was necessary. Curiosity pushed aside he served his dad breakfast as he always did.

"Here, just a classic this time." He smiled and John returned it.

"Classics are underrated, there's a reason they're still around." He said as he dug in.

Castiel didn't get any information from his dad that morning and his mom was as she'd always been, whatever it was that bothered them before it was gone now. He could feel it, they were somehow stronger and had a firm grasp of themselves. He didn't get his answers right then and there but that was okay by him, his parents were so pleased with themselves and their children he couldn't be bothered to push or question.

At school he felt the usual anxiety, the first few days were always hard on him. Cas exhaled heavily and adjusted his backpack as he stepped off the bus behind Dean.

"C'mon, it's only day two Cas." Dean smiled back at him and mimicked it, though a little sarcastically.

"You know this is a several day process, Dean."

"The fact that you  _know_  it is always confused me," his brother commented nonchalantly, "if you  _know_  then can't you stop it?"

"Anxiety doesn't work that way." Cas explained strictly, almost scolded Dean with his gaze. "It's not something I can just turn off, I can try different things to ease it but a mental hindrance isn't so easy to shake off."

"Dean being insensitive again?" Jet asked as he leaned into the conversation abruptly, his head right between theirs and nearly touching. Cas had always had a thing with personal space, he never really realized when he was in someone else's, but Jet did it on purpose. It was just something he did, though with people he didn't like it was more of an intimidation tactic than anything else. Cas wasn't too startled by Jet being suddenly right there but Dean almost jumped out of his skin.

"Yeah," Cas smirked, "But what's new?"

"Hey!" Dean protested as he shoved Jet away. "I'm not being insensitive!"

Jet raised an eyebrow as his grin widened, "Sure man, whatever you say."

"Shut up!"

Cas laughed as they bickered. Maybe his day wouldn't be so tough, he thought as he watched them. After all, he would have his best clowns with him.

As he considered this he didn't notice Gordon heading his way, his bully passed him by but not without slamming shoulders with him. Cas was unexpectedly thrown to the ground by the force, his knees hitting concrete and his hands barely capable of stopping the fall. "Watch where you're going, Weirdchester." Kubrick called out instead of Gordon.

Jet and Dean bolted past Cas in seconds and tackled the other boys without hesitation. Cas pushed himself up slowly, they'd just gotten off the bus on day two and he was already in the dirt. Sam hadn't gotten inside yet; Cas heard his feet as the boy rushed to his side.

"Cas, you okay?" Sam shouted as he stumbled to a stop next to him, trying to help Cas stand.

"I'm okay," Castiel replied in a slight strain, "Nothing to worry about Sam, you should go inside."

"And miss the fight?" Sam asked and Cas looked to where Dean had pinned Gordon to the ground with some effort, and Jet was easily throwing Kubrick around like a ragdoll.

"Hey!" He shouted but it wasn't any louder than Miss Barnes.

"You boys quit that right now!" She was new and taught their gym class, Cas liked her. She had a good spirit and was usually pretty funny.

Jet scoffed and let Kubrick go, though the other teen didn't so much as drop to his feet as he did flop to the ground. Dean got off of Gordon after a moment of snarling and a whispered threat Cas hadn't heard. He started to get up and Gordon shoved away from him, his expression scrunched in disgust as he stood.

"You four serious right now? It's the  _second day_."

"Gordon's a dick." Jet explained simply like he'd told them the answer to 2 + 2 and almost made Cas laugh, Dean snorted a little.

"Doesn't matter, you guys are going to the principal's office." She pointed toward the door and three of them groaned – Kubrick was already moaning. Cas went to help him up, he felt bad for what his friend had done 'in his name/defense.'

"I'll help you to the nurse," he explained as he sat Kubrick up, the other teen nodded but Cas almost missed it when that goddamn flash of light caught his eye.  _'Oh no.'_  He thought in a moment of panic but he pretended it hadn't happened and helped his bully stand. No one else had seen it, they were all looking the other way, at Miss Barnes who'd turned toward the school.

Kubrick pulled away from him violently, "What the hell was that?" He whispered, and though it was quiet it was just as intense as if he'd screamed it.

"I don't know," Cas swallowed nervously, "You saw it too?" Maybe feigning ignorance would work, like he wasn't the one it'd come from and Kubrick would buy it.

"Leave it alone," Gordon demanded of his friend and started walking to the office, Kubrick's expression didn't change as he followed, eyes still on Castiel. It was like he'd poked at a sleep bear or eaten food in front of a starving family, it was unnerving and made him feel a little sick.

"We gotta go to the office," Jet muttered and pat Cas' shoulder as he passed him by.

"You guys deserve it," Cas replied angrily, he wished he could push that feeling away.

"Cas…" Dean caught his arm, "What happened?"

"I… accidentally healed him." Cas shook his head, "I didn't mean to, I didn't know it was going to happen it just did and now he knows. What do I do? What's he gonna say? Dean I'm worried. I felt bad for him because you guys beat them up, and you shouldn't have. You should leave Gordon alone, I know he's mean and-" he was babbling again "-he hits me but you can't just fight people like that! His family isn't like ours, it's cruel and harsh and he feels like a mistake, you shouldn't hit someone like that. He shouldn't be hated he should be pitied! Don't fight for me!"

"CAS!" Dean shouted him down; Cas froze and stared as his heart raced. Dean looked so angry but that wasn't the prime feeling his spirit forced out. Dean was scared for him, he was worried for him, but more than any of that he loved him. "Just because he's got a shit home life doesn't mean he can do this to you! No one has any right to shove you into the dirt and keep walking! I'll never let someone treat you like garbage and get away with it, do you understand me!?"

Cas nodded silently, he covered his mouth as a sob jerked around in his throat. "I'm sorry," he whimpered and closed his eyes. Dean pulled him into a hug and that's where Cas stayed, even when Sam walked over and joined in. Jet stood next to them, Cas could feel him there even though his face was pressed into Dean's shoulder.

"Just because his pain is understandable doesn't mean what he does is acceptable." Jet told him softly, Cas had heard it somewhere before but he wasn't sure where. It didn't really matter, they were right.

Miss Barnes didn't force them but she waited to make sure that Dean and Jet got to the principal's office. Cas sat in the halls with Sam for a little while, they didn't move when the bell rang and the announcements sounded throughout the school. Cas counted down in his head to when the first person would harass him for what he did. Part of him hoped for the best, that people would be excited he could heal once in a while, but the rest of him knew better.


	27. 16 Years-Old: No Need For Oxygen Tanks

Castiel sat against the wall of the slowly emptying hallway; his eyes were fixed on his fellow students as if they'd do something terrible. It'd been the rest of the school day already and so far no one seemed any different. No one looked at him strangely yet or stared. It hadn't gotten out yet.

"Cas," Dean smiled at him, kneeling next to him on the floor, "C'mon, the buses are here, we can go home."

He exhaled heavily but didn't budge; he wasn't so sure he wanted to get into a cramped tin-can on wheels just yet. "It's over," he muttered and dropped his head back against the painted bricks, "We have to move."

"No we don't Cas, it's not that bad." Dean rolled his eyes at him.

"I'm gonna get burned at the stake." He replied a little dramatically. But he was allowed, wasn't he? Maybe it was a little much but that's how he felt, the world would be against him in the next few hours and their family would be chased out of town by a mob carrying torches and pitchforks.

"We're not in the Medieval ages," Jet reminded him as if reading his mind, Cas responded by sticking his tongue out.

"People might even be really excited," Dean added optimistically though he toned it down when he caught the expressions on their faces.

"Not excited," Jet corrected him, "but they might take it better than you think, Cas. If you suddenly act weird about it then yeah people might get nervous. Just show 'em you're no different, hell people might even call them nuts for even suggesting you have powers."

"Good point," Cas furrowed his brow as he realized his own behaviour would cause the problem he was afraid to begin with. "So act normal and it should be fine."

"More or less," Jet shrugged and Cas smiled up at him.

"Let us do the lying," Dean pat him on the shoulder, "You're pretty bad at it."

Cas made a face and shoved Dean's hand off him, "You're almost as bad as I am! Don't give me that crap." He exclaimed and Dean feigned shock. Cas hit him gently on the arm and his brother laughed it off.

Jet raised an eyebrow at the two of them, a smirk pulling at his lips, "Then let me, I'm good at it."

"Not sure that's a good thing, Jet." Cas frowned at him and his friend only laughed, the sound bringing a smile to Cas' face too.

"Still, the buses are gonna leave," Dean glanced down the hall, "What's the plan here, Cas?"

"Stay in town?" He replied questioningly, his brow still a little pinched.

"Yeah, you guys can hang with me." Jet grinned widely Dean returned it just as expressively; Cas loved their dynamic sometimes. Other times it made him jealous but he kept that to himself.

"Well if we're staying with Jet," Dean pushed himself up from the floor and to his feet, "I'll go get Sammy, meet you guys outside." He called the rest over his shoulder as he rand own the hall and disappeared out the door. Cas envied his speed a little, Dean could run fast, he was a sprinter and it was amazing to see him go. Castiel was more of a marathon runner, he wasn't much for speed but he could go forever. Though maybe that was weird about him too?

Castiel stood up and brushed the dirt from his backside, he glanced at Jet and noticed nothing odd about his stance or what his face expressed. Something told him that there was more to it, something was bothering Jet. The other teen was calm and casual as he walked down the hall at Cas' side, nothing strange in his posture or his stroll. But then again, he  _was_  a good liar. "What's on your mind?" Cas asked and felt the slight jolt in Jet's composure.

"Nothing," He lied again and it made Cas a little angry. "Just… do you mind if we stop by my place first?"

Castiel lifted his gaze to Jet's face and saw it this time, the crack in his outer layer. "Of course we can," he replied softly. Jet had had no idea about the extent of Cas' healing abilities, that he could fix wounds and illnesses with the touch of a hand. It wasn't so much that he didn't know, he knew a little, but Jet hadn't ever considered to use it. Now he was basically asking, Cas could feel it in every little niche of Jet's mind. He was nearly begging him to do it but not out loud. Cas smoothed it over to the best of his abilities, calming Jet's mind until it rested again. "But I do need to tell you something first."

"What's up?" Jet lit up, eager to help or listen or whatever he needed to do to get this done.

"I don't have control over this," Cas felt bad as he said it, like her were making excuses, "I've never been able to do it just because I wanted to, if I could it would've happened already."

"I get it," his friend nodded solemnly, "but I appreciate it if you'd still try."

"I'll always try," Cas promised with a smile as they walked out the front doors, he could see Dean and Sam walking toward them. "Just… I hope you understand that I  _want to_. I want to help you and your mom, please don't think I'm not trying if nothing happens."

Jet smirked and rested his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans, "You're Castiel, you always want to help. I won't think anything badly of you, I promise."

And Cas believed him, "Thank you, Jet."

"I didn't do anything." Jet turned his grin on Cas, "But you're welcome."

* * *

The walk to Jet's was longer than Cas had anticipated. They'd done it before, they'd walked from school to Jet's house on other days just because Jet was going to do it and they didn't want to have lunch without him. Not to say they weren't late coming back, of course. As well, despite Cas having walked deep into town from his own house on the outskirts, this walk seemed to take longer. He felt the pressure of Jet's expectations, while his friend understood that it might not work and Cas had nothing to worry about he still worried about it. He wanted to fix Nikki, he wanted to help their family and he was certain he'd be disappointed in himself if he couldn't do it.

Because what was stopping him? He wasn't friends with Kubrick but he healed him anyway, he didn't know the woman on the street but she was alive because of him, why not heal a friend? He'd fixed Dean when he wanted to, though he hadn't the mind to know it at the time.

"What're we doing here?" Sam asked as they walked up Jet's block, his eyes looking around at the semi-familiar setting. They didn't visit all that often, not compared to how much Jet was over at their place.

"I need to see Nikki," Cas explained simply, Dean already knew what was going on and Cas could tell he wasn't sure he liked it. Dean didn't want anyone to take Cas for granted, to use his abilities for themselves, or anything for that matter. Dean was a little possessive of him, it was kind of nice.

The four of them walked into Jet's home, it was clean, not spotless but clean. There was some dust but nothing was out of place, aside from a few articles of Jet's clothes he'd discarded. The teen went to gather those up as he walked through; it'd probably been a busy morning Cas figured.

"Mom, I'm home!" Jet called out, never expecting a very loud answer if one at all. He walked down the hall to her room, Cas waited for a moment and looked at Dean and Sam who both dropped onto the couch.

"You two stay here, we'll only bit a little while." He instructed gently before following Jet's footsteps. When Cas got into Nikki's room he found her resting, as she usually was those days. Sometimes she had enough energy to wander around the house, maybe go outside to sit but never to do much more than that. Cas smiled at her as he walked in and sat at her bedside opposite Jet. "I don't come here often," he whispered and silently took note of how Jet's head nodded subtly.

"Mom," Jet brushed a hand over her forehead but she was asleep, her eyes fluttered a little but that was all the response he got. "She'll have to go to the hospital again soon," he looked up at Cas tiredly, "it's getting more and more frequent." He leaned over and checked her oxygen tank and a bit of the equipment set up in the room. Cas couldn't remember when most of it'd gotten there, it was a slow accumulation of medical gear that just seemed normal as it went in but seeing it all together was a little scary.

Castiel reached over and took her hand, he saw no flash but he held it all the same. He watched her face and saw no signs of pain, her mind was at peace though she held regrets. But Nikki wasn't the reason he was there, not really. Her pain was minimal other than the lost time and inability to raise her son properly, it wasn't her pain he was there for. Cas lifted his gaze to look at Jet, the boy who'd made meals for them both for so long now, a boy who had to scavenge to get by and even then he could barely feed and clothe himself without the Winchester's help.

He was there for Jet, one of his closest friends and one of the strongest people he knew. "I don't know how you do it," Cas whispered and Jet glanced over at him from the settings of some piece of equipment Cas knew nothing about. "I don't think I could do this, take care of someone like that."

Jet smiled, "It's actually a lot easier than it sounds." He reset something and adjusted it, though they had a lot of stuff for her medical needs,' Cas knew it was the cheapest garbage they could manage. It made him angry. "The more gradually it happens the less you realize how much work you're doing. I think you could do it, if something happened I think you could do it."

Cas shook his head, "No, you're incredible for all of this. I really couldn't handle it, it'd drive me crazy."

Jet was quiet but Cas could feel him, the silent appreciation of his words was enough for both of them.

"Is anything happening?" Jet asked after a moment but they both knew he didn't have to say anything, they would've known. Cas could feel the intensity in Jet's mind, the raw emotion he bared and how badly it hurt. He wanted to pull away from it but knew better, he needed to see it so he embraced it. Jet's being was aching, anticipating a failed attempt and fully expecting it now. Cas could feel his heart fall, that drop in emotional stability and remembered Jet's father's funeral. He'd felt the same thing in Jet that time, that lost anger and turmoil building slowly in a mind that already carried too much weight.

Cas turned his attention to Nikki, where his hand laid loosely in hers. He pulled it back and reached to cradle her face, leaning down until his forehead touched hers. All he could hear was the sound of harsh breathing and quiet beeps of the machines. His body tingled but he ignored it, his back started to hurt and he held his ground. He'd come here for a reason, he'd promised he'd try and that's what he'd do. Castiel held still as his muscles felt like they'd tear away from his spine, his shoulders shook as he kept himself upright.

Nikki stirred but didn't quite wake up yet, Cas felt her consciousness moving and he reached for it. He reached inside her mentally and could see all of the things that made her who she was. He could see her emotions, her dreams, her life wasted away into this bed only to be a burden to her boy. Castiel pushed energy through himself; he had to do it on purpose this time.

He tried to remember how it felt the first time. Dean cradled in his arms, unmoving and cold. He felt energy in himself, he felt the surge of power from his body to Dean's.

He knew what it felt like. He knew the same feeling when he'd touched that infant, when he knelt next to the woman on the street and when he helped Kubrick stand. These people were worth his energy, they were worth just as much as he'd ever been and more. He closed his eyes and gathered his strength.

Cas felt it. The same rush inside himself and past his eyelids he could see light. His own soul lit up, he could feel every little tingle and movement in himself and it was incredible. Cas couldn't explain it, he'd never had so much control over his own abilities before and part of him thought it was almost too much. But that didn't stop him, he gently eased that energy into Nikki, fusing it with her mind and body. The stress inside her lightened, the pressure lifted and in seconds he felt her entire body shift.

Castiel opened his eyes as all the sensations faded, he looked up at Jet first who stared with wide and watery eyes.

"Castiel?" Nikki asked a little confused, her voice stronger than Cas had ever heard it before. He felt tears in his eyes as he looked down at her again. "What are you doing in my room?" She started to sit up and paused when she realized how easy it was.

"Mom?" Jet dropped to his knees beside the bed and reached across it to take her arm, "How do you feel? Is anything different?" Tears slipped down his cheeks as his voice started to break, "Are you okay?"

Nikki pet his head soothingly, "Jet it's okay, don't cry." She was confused - Cas could see that easily. He carefully removed the tubing from her face; she almost stopped him but somehow had the patience to let him try it.

"I can breathe," She laughed softly and climbed out of bed, unsure of what to do with herself. She looked at them both with wide eyes, a life in them that Cas hadn't ever seen. He could see now where Jet got that sharp look from, it was hers and he was so grateful to be able to witness it. "What did you do?" Nikki was in a light state of hysterics as she ran around her bed to hug Jet, squeezing him harder than he'd ever been hugged by her before.

Cas wiped his eyes and headed to the door where he spotted Dean and Sam looking in. "That was amazing, Cas." Sam looked up at him with awe and respect; Cas took a mental picture of that expression for his memories.

"You did it," Dean laughed in disbelief and pulled him into a hug, "Oh my god, Cas."

Cas held tightly to Dean and sobbed out his relief, his limbs shaking and back slowly untwisting itself. "I have no idea what I just did," he sighed against Dean's shoulder and rested his head there in the crook of Dean's neck.

Jet ran over to them and dragged Cas into another hug, not caring if he got Dean too. "Thank you so much," he cried quietly and Castiel held himself strong to allow Jet that moment without the strength of his walls to hold him up.

"You're welcome," he whispered and smiled across the room at Nikki who just laughed in complete disbelief.


	28. 16 Years-Old: Power Surge

Their hug was warm and welcomed, Castiel could feel his legs tingle and his arms flex slowly. He'd managed to do it on his own, he brought that power up of his own accord for the first time and it left him feeling tired. But that wasn't all he felt, that strength that poured from his body into Nikki's had ebbed for a few minutes but it hadn't left. He wanted it to drift back where he'd got it from; he didn't like the feeling of all that energy.

But it didn't, he could feel it almost boiling inside him and starting to spike again. Cas swallowed nervously and tried to step back from the hug with Jet and Dean. The power surged through his arms again and both his brother and friend were flung across the room. Castiel's heart dropped and he covered his mouth, "Oh my god!" he cried against his skin and took a step to help them. The floor groaned beneath his sneaker and sparks cracked; he froze. "What's going on?!" Panic mixed with his blood and he tried to step closer again only to get the same result.

The room felt electric and there were almost sparks coming directly from his fingertips. Castiel's breath caught in his throat but it didn't affect him, he stopped breathing. "What is this!?" the pitch of his voice rose as he started to feel dizzy, his hands trembled against his mouth.

Dean and Jet had hit the opposite wall; knocking so many things down Cas couldn't even count. There was a low moan coming from both of them now, Jet sat up first and looked at him in confusion. "Cas?" he asked numbly and pressed the palm of his hand to his temple.

"Cas, don't move," Nikki tried to tell him but he was starting to lose the ability to really listen.

"What's happening to me?!" He shouted as tears fell down his face and every single light suddenly exploded. It was loud and startling, Sam covered his head and Cas watched Dean rush across the room to cover their little brother. His heart sank a little further.

"Cas calm down!" Dean sounded angry, and rightfully so he should've been. Cas flung him into a wall and sent shards of glass raining down on Sam. Though even if he thought he deserved the anger it still hurt, his concentration broke as his heart beat erratically.

The house's foundation seemed to groan beneath them.

"You have to calm down!" Dean was scared now, a tight grip on Sammy.

" _I can't!"_  He screamed back and pressed his hands against his face to cover it. Cas couldn't stop every muscle in his body from shuddering as the energy built up in him like a goddamn bomb. His legs shook but he managed to remain standing, he didn't know how. The fixtures where light bulbs had once been sparked and threatened to blow out whatever might be left of the socket.

He felt sick. Cas' stomach twisted in on itself with pain, his head pounded and soon all he heard was the sound of blood rushing in his ears. The words of the others were lost to him and he sobbed violently. Each sound he made started to pulse around the room; it sent short shockwaves out of him and cracked anything made of glass within the house. It escalated, each wave built on the next and pummeled the walls, furniture and people in the house.

Castiel couldn't control a damn thing and it was terrifying. He'd lost track of what he was doing and how it affected everything around him. It was all a muffled blur and a thundering heartbeat. Part of him could sense the others' panic – or was that his? He didn't know and it scared him more.

He cried in the whirlwind of his own mind and the destruction of Jet's home, his mother's bedroom. Desperate and horrified breaths racked his chest, he struggled to function. He was breathing again, he didn't know what that had happened, or if he'd lost his mind enough to forget he'd never stopped. The room shook, or he did, he didn't know that either. He wasn't even sure if he was still standing or if he'd already fallen to the floor.

In fact, he didn't know when the energy build had stopped. He coughed heavily and gasped for another panicked breath as he tried to focus on himself. It had slowly grown inside him, making every part of his body tingle, but he'd lost track of that too. It hadn't erupted into anything; it just swelled and slipped away. Maybe that was worse, he thought momentarily. If it'd burst at least it'd be out of him, instead he was stretched internally and mentally but left that way without the satisfaction of a finale.

Cas' entire body was shaking as he tried to get a grip on where he was, where the others were. He realized his face was against fabric, there was a strong hold around his upper body and he heard Dean's voice; "Shhh, Cas it's okay, you're okay." Dean was whispering, it was so soft and just in Cas' ear.

He didn't want to move yet, not that he knew if he could. His heart slowed a little, or at least quieted down. Cas let out what he thought would be a sigh; it came out strained and cut short. He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes against what he realized was Dean's chest.

"I think he's calming down," Jet said quietly.

"Cas?" Sam reached over and touched the side of his face, Cas didn't respond, he couldn't. His head was heavy, his body felt tired and more than anything he wanted to close his eyes and sleep.

"I'm so sorry," he managed the words despite his beliefs that he couldn't. "I'm sorry…"

"It's okay," Dean kissed the top of his head and sighed with some relief against his scalp. Cas lifted his gaze to see them, he could feel them but he didn't believe what was coming back to him. They weren't mad at him and they weren't scared, more than that they were relieved he was talking to them.

"Is anyone hurt?" He asked softly and Jet shrugged first.

"We're all a little shaken up but that's about it," he grinned and looked at his mom and Sam, "right?"

"Totally," Sam agreed quickly with a nod, Nikki doing the same.

Cas smiled hesitantly at them before attempting to look at Dean, but he wouldn't let Cas go. "Dean?" He whispered, only trying to move a little bit.

Dean shook his head and swallowed thickly, it was louder when Cas was closer to his brother's throat. Dean's emotional state was exhausted; he'd been put through a lot in the last events. "I'm just glad you're okay," Dean whispered, his voice was shaky and almost broken, "Just be okay, Cas."

Castiel closed his eyes again and dropped against Dean heavily, relishing in the love and worry for his safety. It wasn't always that his brother showed this kind of affection, but when he did it reminded Cas of their kiss a few years ago. "I'm alright," he responded and rested there.

* * *

He must have blacked out or even slept because the next thing he knew he was nestled in the back seat of the Impala, his parents had come to get them. His head was resting on Dean's lap, body shifted so his legs were off the bench right where Sam was sitting. He listened to the rumble of the car and the silence of the passengers, no one spoke, maybe they'd done all the talking while he was out.

"Dean?" He asked and felt a hand shift in his hair, had it always been there?

"How're you feeling?" Dean was a little excited to hearing him speaking again, glad that Cas was awake.

"I'm okay, I think I passed out."

"Sort of," Sam said with a little laughter in his throat, it was more nervous than anything else.

Castiel hummed softly and closed his eyes one more time, letting the moment sink in. He enjoyed lying on Dean and if he could do it without being looked at strangely he'd take it. "What happened to Jet's house? Is it okay?"

"It's fine, the place is a mess but Jet said he'd clean it up." Dean answered after a moment, his hand slipped through Cas' hair again.

"What happened back there, boys? Cas?" John looked into the rearview mirror at them, at him.

Castiel sighed lightly but decided not to sit up, instead he waited and listened. He could hear the whispers of their minds, the questions and fear of what happened to him, what he'd done. He let himself drift further and sense it, their worry and concern for his well-being, his health, and his mental state. But that wasn't all; there was something on his parents' minds, something no one would say, something they questioned more than they ever had.

John shared a look with Mary and for a moment she disagreed, majority of her didn't want John to say or do whatever it was he was planning. But the longer he looked the more she understood and had to give in.

"Boys, there's something we need to all talk about tonight."

Castiel sat up and looked at his parents, their expressions were serious but caring, nothing but good intentions in their hearts. Part of him feared the conversation but he knew it was necessary. He had no idea what it was but he knew he needed it.

* * *

Sitting in the living room, all three boys lined up on the couch with John and Mary across from them felt like a strange way to do it. Cas looked at Dean cautiously who shook his head, he had no idea what it could be either.

"Cas," Mary started sweetly, her voice was calming and Cas tried to keep that in mind as he listened. They were tense, whatever it was they were about to say they wanted it taken the right way. Cas did his best to keep an open mind. "How do you feel?"

"I'm better," he looked her over and shifted his weight as he started to feel awkward. "What'd you need to say? Do you know something about what's going on with me?" The last question was hopeful, a quick shot in the dark but it seemed to hit a nerve. John and Mary exchanged a glance that caught Cas' attention.

"We're not sure if it has anything to do with what's happening to you, but it  _is_  about you." Mary responded and he had to remind himself again to keep his head together.

"Okay?"

John sighed lightly and sat forward in his chair, "We don't know how to say this, I hope you know, that all of you know, we love you no matter what. Cas, you weren't born into this family." John said the last sentence carefully and a little slower but it still seemed too fast. Castiel stared at him with widening eyes and no words.

"What?" Dean was the first to say anything in the silence after the bomb that had been dropped. "He was adopted?"

"No," John furrowed his brow and rubbed at his five o'clock shadow, "When Dean was just born, maybe a few months old, I went to the store to get us some supplies. On my way out I saw a man who had broken into the car. I scared him off but when I got there I realized he'd left a baby in the backseat."

Cas was shocked, and yet part of him really wasn't. Just another thing about him that was different.

"Cas isn't related to us by blood, but that doesn't matter." Mary got up and went to him, kneeling on the floor in front of him as she took his hands in hers. "Castiel you've always been my baby, I'm still your mom and this will always be your family. I know you're going through so much, sweetie, I'm so sorry we had to add to it."

He stared at her eyes; she was scared of his reaction. He was a little scared of his reaction, what would he say? Cas' mind had been put to the test so many times that day; it was exhausting. Kubrick in the morning knowing about his healing ability, the stress of fixing a friend's loved one, and then nearly exploding from his own energy surge. Cas had had rough days before but this one really took the cake.

What to say, though? What was there  _to_  say? Did the news of the past change who he was now? No, it was just information. Had it given him insight into what was going on with him? No, nothing of the sort just yet. What was there he could reflect on? He felt no different, though he hadn't seen it coming. It was like a fairy tale or surprise twist in a novel, something you wonder about when you're ten years old but never consider could happen to you.

"Mom," he squeezed her hand and steadied himself, Cas hadn't realized how much it did effect him despite his thought process. She was so distraught and the longer he waited to speak the more it hurt her. That feeling of pained anxiety transferred to him as he held her hands tightly, he wanted to take it off of her conscience altogether. "I love you, and to be honest I don't care if I wasn't born from you."

Mary's eyes relaxed but her expression tightened as she tried to hold back tears, "Oh Cas, come here." She cried softly as he leaned down to hug her.

Sam and Dean looked at one another; a silent conversation passed between them before they hopped forward and took part in the family hug. They'd been having a lot of those, Cas thought to himself as his dad moved in to squeeze them all together. It was nice, though he didn't overlook the reason for each hug, always something to do with him.

"We love you, Cas." Sam mumbled against his arm. "We're still brothers, okay?"

"I love you too." He whispered through new tears, "You'll always be my family."


	29. 16 Years-Old: Too Much In One Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it's been a while, hi guys. I'm kind of in the middle of a job change so things have been a bit crazy. (Edit: My beta Maya got back to me, she's alright)

Castiel went to his bedroom at the end of the night; it'd been a good evening of movie watching and family support. He didn't need to sleep but he wanted to lie down, let his mind rest for the remainder of the day. So many things he could've been thinking, so many pieces of his life he could revisit now and look at it differently. But he still didn't know whether he should or not. Was there a point? He heard the door open but didn't regard it; he knew it was Dean, his brother.

But then again, Dean wasn't really his brother, was he? Maybe it'd still be weird, blood related or not.

"Wow," Dean huffed out a laugh as he dropped onto the opposite bed, "That was a lot to take in today, huh?"

"I'm still having a hard time figuring out if it actually happened," Cas smirked and rolled his head to look at the other teen. "I mean, Jet's mom is okay now."

Dean raised an eyebrow, disbelief all over his face, "That's the part you've decided to hang on to?"

"Well it was the first one of the day that really got me."

"So you're over accidentally healing Kubrick, that's good." Dean dropped back onto his mattress and let his legs dangle.

"Not sure about that," Cas sighed and ran his hand over his face, "I don't think things will be so normal with him around, but I think I've got a pretty good handle on the situation. Like Jet said, if I act normal and like he's nuts that's what people will think. Me having powers isn't the first thing that'll come to people's minds."

"True," Dean said absently as he stared up at the ceiling, "But the school situation isn't that big of a deal compared to everything else that happened today."

"Exactly," he sat up and crossed his legs, feeling a little fidgety. "I lost control of myself, that's never happened to me. Not like it did. And the bomb mom and dad dropped… I'm a mess."

"No you're not," Dean corrected him sternly, the sudden seriousness in his tone startled Cas a little. "We love you, Cas." Dean looked at him right in the eyes, nothing hidden and nothing strange to him. It set Castiel's mind at ease just to feel it, the ferocity behind Dean's eyes and in his mind. "We're going to be here no matter what, okay? Even if you feel like a mess you're not, we're holding you together."

He didn't have words, just a smile and tears welling up in his eyes. He'd cried so many times that day but to do it for Dean's words was new. "Thank you," he whispered for the thousandth time in the last few hours, "You don't know how much I appreciate all this."

"It's the least I can do, Cas. You've saved my life, fixed our best friend's mom, and done countless amazing things. I don't think I can compare anything I've done to you," he paused and Cas felt the rush of emotion in Dean's mind. "I just think you're incredible."

Cas hopped off his bed and dropped himself onto Dean, much to his brother's surprise. He smushed his face against Dean's chest and smiled, he didn't care how weird it was or what their stupid relationship was at that moment. He just wanted the comfort and to be close to the warmest soul he could find. It was so open to him, welcoming and it almost felt like it was made for him.

He'd lost some track of time there, letting himself linger and listen to a heartbeat. Dean moved a little beneath him, "Cas?" he placed a hand on Castiel's back. Cas thought nothing of it until he felt his muscle shift under Dean's touch. "Was that normal?" Dean asked nervously and Cas shook his head.

"No," he slowly rolled onto his side and braced himself, "but I've felt it before, it usually means a bad spasm is coming."

Dean sat up and tried to massage him ahead of time, hoping to stop the onset or at least slow it down. Cas groaned heavily as he felt the pinch of his spine and tightening in his muscle, it wasn't going to work and they both knew it. Castiel braced himself and tried to keep it together, keep himself still and wait it out. That didn't quite happen, his body tensed and soon became immovable. Pain shot through his nervous system like a thousand needles pricking him turned into knives, gouging out his ability to function.

Cas lost track of the world around him as he shuddered and closed in on himself, Dean was there but he couldn't feel him. There wasn't anything going on in his mind but agony as it spilled over his tongue and bled into his expression. He was certain he'd screamed but that didn't register either, maybe he hadn't made a noise at all and just froze up like someone with paralysis.

Regardless of what he'd done to express it, it was evident he was in excruciating pain. The torment his limbs were put through brought them together tighter, his eyes squeezed shut and he was sure they'd never open again. He wanted to flail around, reach for Dean, reach for help, but he couldn't bring movement to his arms or hands. They were stuck; he panicked a little but knew there was nothing he could do. The pain would subside in time and he'd wind up relaxing and possibly napping a little.

Cas tried to focus on what came after the cramping and torture in his back, sleeping a little if he were tired enough. Maybe being cuddled by Dean for sympathy reasons, opening his eyes again for the first time in centuries. He imagined what that'd be like, viewing a new world after having his eyes shut for so long, seeing Dean's reincarnation staring down at him. He wondered if Dean's reincarnation would look the same on the outside, he was sure they'd have the same soul but what about his face?

"Cas?" Dean asked softly and he realized that things had loosened again. "Cas you okay?"

"I think so," he whispered back and slowly raised an arm to rub at his face. "Thank you."

"No problem," Dean smiled with exhaustion in every little crack of his skin. "But I want you to sleep or rest or whatever, okay? Don't go doing shit."

Cas laughed softly and nodded, "Whatever you say." His mind went for 'whatever.' It was vague, it could be anything he wanted it to be and maybe he wanted it to be more than what it was. He knew the original meaning for the term but he didn't it want it to be that, at least not right then. He wanted 'whatever' to be what he wanted, to be something comforting to him, something make his mind light up with excitement and joy like it was supposed to. The warmth of Dean's embrace, the sound of his heart beat subtle but strong to keep Cas steady, and maybe another kiss.

They'd only shared the one a few years ago. He'd just heard that he and Dean weren't blood related, that gave him some kind of hope on the subject but how strange would it still be? How odd? Just because they weren't actually related didn't change all of the times they'd shared, the bond they'd made. They were  _brothers_  and it would take something big to change that. Cas could fantasize as he always had but it was still too much to truly consider. Dean's mind had strayed his way a couple times but the feeling had faded, the memory of their kiss slipped back and Dean was the same as he'd always been. Cas told himself to stop wanting it over and over, but it didn't stop his mind from thinking about it. It didn't stop his body for yearning for it and it'd never stop his heart. While it had become easier to ignore with all the things going on in his life, he couldn't get rid of it. No matter how many times Cas told himself to stay away from Dean he just fell closer.

* * *

A couple days had passed; Castiel remained home and avoided school like the plague. He didn't want to see anyone; he didn't want to play with the weird politics of social standing and what he'd done in regard to Kubrick. He didn't want to do any of it. And after the reveal of his origins his parents had no issue letting him stay home.

Cas felt like a bit of a brat for that, like he was using it as an excuse to stay away from a place he hated. And maybe he was, maybe he wasn't at all shaken up by the news and just wanted a reason to not go. Part of him believed that, the idea that he wasn't Winchester blood didn't faze him. He was a bit odd but he was a Winchester through and through because being part of the family was far more than a relation. Bobby and Karen were like their uncle and aunt but they held no blood ties with the family. Jet was like their brother but he wasn't related to them. Cas felt no shame or worry that his life had changed, because who cares? Some people do but he wasn't one of them.

He sat in the living room at night; he couldn't sleep again so he returned to his projects. Making sculptures of paper, glue, flour and whatever else he wanted to was pretty fun. They were getting better and soon he figured he'd be able to do a creation of Dean justice. But that might have to wait until everyone had grown up and moved out.

Without sleep his days blurred together sometimes but he did his best to keep track, he was pretty sure it was a Wednesday so he knew everyone would be up early for work or school. Cas wasn't sure when he should go back to classes, or if he was ever going to. Well, he'd have to at some point but he really didn't want to. Dean brought back answers to his questions, what the dynamic was, how people were reacting to his supposed powers. It was a mixed bag; some people called bullshit but others were a little paranoid and very aware that Castiel hadn't been at school for a week or so. And what was with that name?

He sighed and kept working; maybe thinking about it didn't help.

"Hello Castiel."

Cas' heart leapt into his throat and he looked up at the person standing next to him, a neatly pressed suit, an aged hand smoothly resting on a cane and an aura around him that made Cas' breath catch.

"Death..."

"We haven't had much time to speak to one another," Death slowly moved to John's armchair and gracefully lowered himself down. "Let's chat."

Cas remained still as he stared at this man; they'd shared a word or two before and he'd seen Death around recently. "What do you want to say to me?"

"I need to explain something to you." Death didn't skip a beat or hesitate in his words or actions; everything he did had a purpose and a reason. Those things alone scared Cas. He'd never known someone so sure of themselves, not even Jet. "Sit."

Castiel rose up, finding his hands were somehow clean, the mess that had reached his clothing was gone and he was practically spotless. He wanted to question it but for now he'd assume that Death wanted to speak to someone clean. Cas sat down on the couch and attempted to be respectful in his posture. He knew better than to ask again, Death would speak when it was time to, he didn't need to pester. But his nature wouldn't quite allow this, "Do you know what's going on with me?"

"I do, you aren't human Castiel." It was so blunt he was startled by how simply it'd been said. Cas had come across this kind of speaking before but that didn't make him prepared to hear it. "Your body develops just as anything else's, but it has a different rate at which it does so. But that's not quite why I'm here;" Death paused to hold Cas' attention; the teen had no real way of letting those words sink in. It was all too fast. A week or so ago he discovered he wasn't related to the Winchesters and now he wasn't even human? Then what the hell was he? Faces of monsters came to mind but he tried to push that away.

"There is something amiss with the dead. It has been wrong for 16 years now, spirits have nowhere to go." Death explained calmly, it sounded like he had been dealing with it for longer than a decade and a half. Maybe that's just how he spoke? But then again, even if Castiel wasn't human, even if he were something else entirely what did it have to do with him? There wasn't anything special about him, sure he had a few abilities he didn't understand but he couldn't see the dead. Cas could see the living, the heart and soul of a human being and sometimes the face of another creature if it held human form.

"Why are you telling me this?" Cas blurted out, anxiety filling his mind. "What can I possibly do? Or say? I can't see the dead, I just see you."

"Heaven and hell are sealed. You are the key to their gates and you will open them again." Death spoke matter-of-factly, like Cas had no choice but to listen, to do this crazy task he wasn't even sure he heard right. Open the gates? Heaven? Hell?  _What?_  He struggled to control his own abilities, to heal a person or to hold back the power surge. He couldn't be responsible for something like that. Cas remained still and silent as these thoughts spilled over in his mind and drowned everything else.

"But to do that you need to survive, so I need to warn you of what's coming." Death just didn't stop. Cas wondered if he knew that he was having a hard time swallowing any of it. Death might've had his own agenda, things to do, people to reap and all that. Was Cas really that big of a part? Maybe he was just fit into the busy schedule; after all, the horseman did explain how the dead were lost. But Cas wasn't some superhero; he didn't even know he was anything other than a slightly odd human being until moments earlier.

"Wait," Castiel felt like he was scrambling now, to understand or even grasp the idea. "Hold on, slow down! I don't get it, what're you talking about?"

"When you have developed far enough your spirit will be a beacon. All demons that roam the earth will find you, you need to be prepared for this." He didn't skip a beat or stop. "There have always been many demonic presences on Earth, when Heaven and Hell were sealed this didn't change. Do you understand?"

Cas blinked a few times in shock and confusion, the registration of what he'd just heard hadn't quite gotten anywhere. "Are you saying that demons…" he remembered his grandfather and Caplan, "Demons are here?" The twisted faces of men he thought he knew, pulled into spectres and ghoulish expressions.

"There are some that have sniffed you out already." Death slowly rose to his feet; he must have had somewhere to be. "So I will reiterate for you since this seems to have gone over your head. Heaven and hell have been sealed for 16 years,"

"By who?"

"God." Death's expression said enough that Cas knew not to interrupt again. "The seal can only be broken by an angel, and the next one that crosses the threshold will wake the realm." He paused for questions, knowing Cas would have them.

"Would crossing either wake both? And why does this matter to me? You said I'm not human, am I a demon? Am I…" it felt too narcissistic to finish that sentence.

Death sighed and walked toward the door, "No, it wouldn't open both. If you cross Hell's border you will wake Hell, not Heaven. And you are an angel, you will attract demons to you and they will try to harm you. When you are fully developed you will understand far better, knowledge will come to you but it is the last thing you will develop. Do you understand, Castiel?"

He swallowed nervously, "I… I guess I do… Is there anything I can do? I mean, can I stop this?"

"You will." Death replied calmly and walked out. Castiel sat on the couch for the remainder of the night, the words exchanged swirling in his head on repeat. An angel? He was an angel? Cas questioned the concept as his back started to ache again.


	30. 16 Years-Old: Smarter Than You Look

_Earlier that week…_

Dean couldn't get it out of his head.

" _I just think you're incredible."_

_Castiel dropped on top of him, face pressed to his chest and possibly hearing every beat of Dean's heart. Dean hadn't expected it, hadn't been prepared for the sudden weight on him but more than that he'd lost the ability to think for a moment. Everything he'd pushed back about his brother rushed back to his mind, his heart pounded oddly in his chest and his breath caught in his throat. For the first time Castiel seemed unaware of him, unaware of the thoughts swarming in Dean's head and the thunder in his ears._

_That kiss. The feeling of Castiel's lips on him was a distant memory but his mind dragged it back like an obedient and insistent dog. Dean lost himself in Cas' presence, physically over him but so much more than that. Castiel encompassed him, took over him and Dean could think of nothing else. He closed his eyes and let Cas rest; the weight of him was comforting. Dean's hand shifted slowly and he moved to touch Castiel._

_But the word brother lingered in his head. Maybe he could do it. Maybe he could say something, tell Cas he liked him and maybe they could date._

_To date his brother would be weird. To know they were legally brothers was uncomfortable - Castiel was family. Dean couldn't take that away; he didn't want to ever take that away. Just to date Cas he'd deny they were family? Dean would rather keep Castiel as his brother if that were the other option._

_He was content with his choice but he noticed something odd about Cas' back, he looked down and saw it swell. "Cas?" he placed a hand over it worriedly and Castiel flinched. "Is that normal?" Dean couldn't describe the feeling beneath his hand, it wasn't anything a normal muscle would do – or even_ could _do. Cas' back wriggled and stretched under his hand, Cas didn't seem to realize what it was doing exactly. All his brother knew was that it hurt. Dean wasn't sure he should tell him otherwise._

The day following that incident was so normal Dean thought something had to be wrong. Castiel healed Nikki, he had a power surge of energy, they heard he wasn't born into their family, and Dean watched his back mutate. How could the day after that be so agonizingly slow? They woke up, Cas stayed home but he and Sam caught the bus. Everyone talked like nothing had changed in the world, maybe it hadn't in theirs but Dean's life was teetering on the twilight zone.

It wasn't enough that Cas was suffering with crazy powers but to have back pain too? Something alien squirming where it shouldn't be? It wasn't fair and Dean was worried. He gripped his hands tightly and loosened them slowly, the ones he'd used to massage the ache in his brother's back. After seeing it move and feeling it he had to try and loosen what he hoped was a knot. It couldn't have been one but he wanted to believe that's all it was. What else could it be? What was growing inside his brother?

Dean adjusted his backpack as he hopped off the bus, Sam right behind him every step of the way. "Is Cas ever coming back to school?" Sam blurted out and Dean shook his head, he had no idea. Sam was quiet after that but before Dean could continue on inside his little brother caught his sleeve.

"What's up, Sammy?" Dean turned to look at him and slowed his roll; Sam's expression was serious and a little sad.

"I know Cas says he's okay but I'm worried." Sam furrowed his brow and it was as if Dean were looking into his own head. He forgot sometimes how smart Sam was. "He's family and he says it doesn't bother him but I don't think he's had time to really think about it, none of us have. I'm worried something bad's gonna happen, he talks to Death and that one teacher and our grandpa turned into monsters around him." Sam was making sense despite Dean's best efforts to pretend he wasn't. "And when his eyes glow and he gets these crazy powers, what if it's hurting him?"

"I don't think it is," Dean lied and Sam didn't buy it, not even for a second.

"I know you've seen it." His little brother said low, an angry glare in his eyes.

"What?"

"When his back hurts, you've seen it."

Sam had seen it too? The swell in his skin, the movement of something wrong inside like from the  _Alien_  movies. "Yeah," Dean admitted finally and sighed as he ran his hand up through his hair, "But we don't know what it is, you can't tell him."

"Tell who what?" Jet trotted up to them, his bag slung over his shoulder loosely and a certain bounce in his step that the Winchester brothers couldn't miss. "Where's Cas? Is he okay?"

"Cas is alright, he just stayed home." Dean wasn't sure what he should tell Jet, or, more accurately, where he should start. "Why aren't you at home with your mom? Wouldn't you want to spend time with her now that she's up?"

"Yeah but she said I'm not gonna use her as an excuse to cut class." Jet grinned sheepishly, it was something he'd attempted to do and Dean could see it written all over his face. "Besides, she wanted some 'me' time, as she put it. She's going for a hike in the park today, shopping mall, handing out resumes and stuff. She's busy so I figured there'd be no point in arguing with her."

"Guess she wanted to get out pretty bad," Sam laughed a little, "I know I would."

"I know, right?" Their friend glanced between the two of them, he wasn't stupid and he could see something was up despite the boys' best efforts to pretend nothing was off. "Okay, what happened?"

"I have no idea where to start." Dean dropped his head but Sam didn't falter.

"After what happened at your place we brought Cas home, mom and dad decided it was time to tell us something about Cas right at that moment. I guess to help explain something about him but it didn't really explain anything."

Sam had paused as he realized his own words were true, John and Mary's news didn't really tell them anything about Castiel's differences and powers and whatnot. Jet's expression grew impatient quickly. "What was it?" He insisted gently but still pretty firm with Sam.

"Right, sorry. Anyway they told us that Cas was sort of adopted. A baby was left in the car so they kept him, Cas isn't actually related to us."

Jet raised an eyebrow, somehow unfazed by this news. "Okay, so how'd he take it?"

"Pretty good, actually. But I don't think he really thought about it." Sam explained worriedly, his concerns coming out in his face and tone as he repeated what he'd said to Dean moments before. "Cas is handling it really well on the outside but what if he's hurting? What if all this stuff that's happening to him is killing him? The back spasms get worse and I swear I've seen something moving under his shirt lately-"

"Sam," Jet put a calming hand on his shoulder, Dean appreciated the way Jet handled his little brother every time he saw it. "It's alright, if Cas is in trouble he'll let us know. And if he's struggling with not being blood related he'll tell someone. Cas has always talked to us when something was up, and if not us then your parents. Whatever's going on with him will be okay, okay?" He smiled warmly and Sam nodded quietly, Jet always had a certain way with words when he really wanted to.

"C'mon you two, let's get inside before I have to watch you make out or something." Dean smirked at the sudden redness in Sam's face.

"Shut up, Dean." Sam tried to pretend it was stupid and passed him by to get to class, Dean knew better. Jet shoved his shoulder playfully but gave no comment in regards to him and Sam.

"What's your take on Cas?"

Dean shook his head, "I don't know if I have a take yet. Sam's not wrong, Cas' back does move really weird." He paused for a second, "Hey, why didn't you react to Cas being found as a baby?"

"It makes sense to me," Jet shrugged casually.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I mean you two have different birthdays but you're the same age? No one really explained that one to me. Plus he looks different than all of you, different skin, different eyes, facial structure, hair, everything. Castiel is nothing like all the other Winchester's I've met, it's not hard for me to see him being adopted." They walked into the school together, ignoring anyone that wasn't immediately important to them. Jet had a tendency to shove people out of his way, pushing through the crowded hallway like they should've moved for him to begin with. Dean followed his trail through as he always did, appreciating that he didn't have to blaze their way that morning.

"I think you're the only one who's so well adjusted to it." Dean muttered as they reached their lockers.

"Nah sounds like Cas knew it too. I mean maybe he didn't  _know_  but he must've been prepared. Cas is a lot of things but unaware has never been one of those things."

"Point taken." Dean bit lightly on the inside of his cheek, "So what do you think I should do?"

"What do you mean?" Jet stopped and looked at him, Dean sometimes hated how intense Jet's eyes could be. They were always so focused and eye contact usually meant you had undivided attention, it was a little intimidating sometimes.

"About Cas, what should I do?"

Jet's nose scrunched up a little and he started to look a bit angry, "What the fuck do you mean? You don't do anything  _about Cas_ , nothing's different man."

"I know that, I just mean… well… you remember what I said about him a few years ago?" Dean fidgeted with the edges of his sweater sleeves as he watched his friend's expression shift from anger to annoyed understanding.

"Goddamn it, man." Jet shook his head and closed his locker with a louder crash than Dean had expected. "If you like him then  _fucking tell him_. He can handle it."

"I know that," Dean snapped back, he hadn't anticipated that retaliation either but it looked like Jet had. "Fuck, I know he can handle it. Cas can handle anything," he'd tried to keep his voice lower; he didn't want everyone around him to listen in. Maybe a crowded hall wasn't such a good place. "But I need your opinion on it. Cas is my brother, he's family, I don't want to lessen that by dating him, you know? It's like denying that part of our past together."

Jet leaned against the lockers and pinched the bridge of his nose between his eyes; clearly helping Dean with his constipated emotions wasn't on his to-do list that morning. "Lemme get this straight, you think that dating him will somehow lessen the relationship you've built together?"

"Well… sort of. It sounds dumb when you say it like-"

"Shut up for a second and let me explain something to you; he'll never not be your family. The time you've spent together and your entire past involves him, and sometimes revolves around him. Dating him changes the relationship, that's what you're scared of. But you know something? If you're serious enough about someone, if your boyfriend is someone you love more than anything else, that person  _becomes_  your family." Jet let that sink in as he stepped closer, his level of personal space was incredibly low but it always made his presence fiercer than anyone else that Dean knew. "What you and I have is family, we're practically brothers. What you and Sam have is what having a brother is. Would you compare your relationship with me to your relationship with Cas? Would you say they're the same?"

"No." Dean could say that without hesitation, Cas was special.

"And how about you and Sam? Is that anything like Cas?"

"Definitely not, but Sammy's younger, it's easier to treat him like a little brother." He defended the point, but he wasn't sure why. He wanted to believe Jet, to realize that his logic was sound enough to put his mind at ease, but something in his head just wouldn't let him relax. Pessimism was a good word for it.

"Again," Jet smiled at him, "you and me vs. you and Cas, same age. Are you going to start looking at me like you do him?"

"No."

"And I appreciate that."

Dean laughed and pushed Jet a little further away from him, "Alright, alright, I get it." He couldn't pull the grin from his lips, Jet was right. "So I'll tell him, then."

"I'd wait a bit," Jet added quickly, "he's had a crazy few days."

"Don't you think this might make him feel better to hear it?"

"Maybe, but it's just as likely you could confuse him, I'd rather not see him stress out any more than he already has."

"Good point, I'll wait a week or something." Dean nodded decidedly, attempting to ignore the way that Jet scoffed at him. "Thanks man, you're a lot smarter than you look."

Jet's laughter cut short and he punched Dean's side, "Fuck off, you're just jealous."


	31. Perspectives: Jet's Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been so patient with me, thanks a lot for reviewing, I love your comments. And to my Jet lovers I have to say you make me so happy! Someone asked me elsewhere if Jet was going to turn out to be Gabriel and make the story a Sabriel thing too. I'll say outright that no, no he will not. Jet's a separate character.
> 
> Some of you might be reading the chapter titles and you'll notice that they'll change from here on out, just a heads up.

Propped up against the school building Jet exhaled heavily into the cool morning air. He'd been there for a little while already, the day had broken and he was waiting for a specific school bus to pull into the lot. Jet was early to school that morning; he'd seen his mom off when she left for a hike with a bunch of people he barely knew. They'd come by to visit her when she was bedridden and he knew he should've paid more attention but they weren't all that important to him. His mom was important to him, and her time spent with him. The petty part of his mind was jealous and angry, that he finally got her back on her feet and she was going out with these people.

They were her friends though, and everyone was so excited to see her healthy. Jet could get over himself, he could see past the idiotic and childish side of his mind and see her for who she was. She was a human being, just like him. An individual with thoughts, feelings, desires separate from his and he had to respect that. She had friends, past relationships with other people that he could never know the same way and he'd have the same. People like the Winchesters that he could run to in a way she never could. And of course she was his mom; he'd probably be the one to spend more time with her than anyone else so there was no reason to be greedy. It was a difficult thing to push himself into thinking, to remind himself of but when he saw how happy she was he couldn't rightfully get bratty about it.

He was happy for her. Jet wasn't the one who'd fixed her up but he was the one who brought Castiel home - that was good enough. Jet loved being the one to accomplish great things; he loved the admiration and everything that came with being 'that guy.' But he was just as capable of being the person who 'knows somebody' who could do a specific task. He'd long learned that he was the more social guy of his group of friends. Dean was charming and cute but always so family oriented, leaving a few people left out of his inner circle. Cas was a little quieter; he had such an intense world that sometimes he forgot to share it with anyone other than who was in the immediate vicinity.

Speaking of Cas, he still hadn't gone to school; it'd been about a week and Jet was starting to get a little antsy about it. He'd said some bold things to Sam and Dean, how Cas was going to be fine but he didn't really know any better than they did. He wanted to thank Castiel properly for healing his mom and by extension him, but ideas for how to do that didn't come easily.

Instead he watched the school scene and made sure Dean brought the homework home, there wasn't a whole lot he could accomplish with that but it was something. He meant to visit the Winchester home but things were a bit complicated, they had some crap to work through. Not to mention he really wanted to stay home with his mom, Nikki was so active now and he loved it. They'd gone for long walks together, hung out in some playgrounds and she even played tag with him. Jet would've lied if he said he kept a straight face through any of it, or that he'd even kept dry eyes.

He smiled to himself at the memory and the thought of the new ones he'd make. Cas was a blessing to all of them but Jet felt particularly vulnerable about it. In his entire life the only people who mattered to him were his mom, his dad, and the Winchesters. Dean was his best friend on one level, and Jet was certain he'd do anything Dean asked him to do. But Cas was something else; he was someone Jet wouldn't hesitate to give up everything for if it would help. Not that Cas would ever ask, but he was prepared to do anything. And the weirder thing about that was his mind, normally he'd immediately remind himself there was nothing romantic involved but with Cas that never crossed his mind. Castiel wasn't a person you 'have a crush on,' unless you were Dean of course.

And then of course there was Sam. He was a kid and had been crushing on Jet for a while now, Jet wasn't sure when it had started, really. Regardless Sam was his family, and though he was small he was such a big part of it. Jet could play a montage in his head consisting of all the adorable little things Sam did and said to him, it was special and he didn't ever really want to lose that. Sam was like his little brother, in a way. Not like the way Dean and Cas were to Sam though, which made Jet wonder what a little brother was supposed to be treated like. Dean liked to joke and make fun of Sam for having a crush but the little Winchester was 12, Jet couldn't see him that way. That wasn't to say it couldn't happen, he was sure Sam would be a gorgeous young man in the future, probably tall…

Jet shook his head, why the hell was he even thinking about that? He watched the bus pull up, the number on its side telling him it was the 'Winchester bus.' He could see inside the windows and watched as Sam waved excitedly at him. Jet smiled and gave a short wave back, a shallow movement part of him wondered more about than he should've. When he was Sam's age would he have waved like that? Would he have shaken his entire arm and part of his upper body to show enthusiasm in seeing someone? Or was that just Sam?

Whatever, it didn't matter. He pushed himself up from where he'd been resting and walked over to them. As he closed in he saw Castiel following Dean off the bus. His grin widened when he reached them, kind of understanding Sam's excitement. "Look at this, Winchesters all together again." He laughed and caught Cas in a hug, the shorter teen squeezing him back. "Welcome back."

"Thanks," Cas sighed and adjusted his bag, something was a bit off about him.

Jet raised an eyebrow and glanced at the other two, Dean and Sam didn't look too different but Cas had one of those expressions. Something happened again. "Oh for god's sake…" he ran his hand through his bangs and pushed them back, "What now?"

"What do you mean?" Dean furrowed his brow and looked at Cas who smiled sheepishly. "What does he mean?"

"Nothing, I'm sure it's nothing." Cas shook his head and when Dean and Sam turned to one another to exchange a glance, Cas gave Jet a look. It wasn't harsh or angry or a warning, it was just a request. Jet was pretty good at reading gestures and situations, whatever it was Cas didn't want him asking anymore. Not in front of Dean and Sam, anyway.

So he waited. There were plenty of people who wanted to talk to Cas, the little idiot never realized how many people actually really liked him. Charlie wouldn't leave him alone, Meg stopped by though briefly, Garth asked him how he was, and even Gordon was civil. But of course that was Cas, always underestimating himself.

Sam had to go to his classes so he went to the other side of the school as per usual, Dean would be a little harder to remove. But Jet waited. He noticed people's interest in Castiel, a little different than normal and a little off. He wasn't sure he liked it but he kept it to himself, there wasn't any reason to cause a fight or argument, anyway. Kubrick was among these people; his gaze was unsettling and stalkerish, it made Jet uneasy. More than the others, Kubrick's eyes were on Cas like a target, his prey.

No… Jet furrowed his brow and watched as the other teen disappeared into the crowd of students that morning. It wasn't like Cas was being preyed on - it was more like reverence. A dislocated expression given only to the most insanely devout who'd lose their minds and everything else in the presence of the thing they worshipped. Jet decidedly kept a closer eye on Cas, his stomach turned anxiously as he noticed a few others with the same kind of oddity in their faces. Kubrick wasn't the only cultish-ly religious guy in town; he was usually the most intense but not nearly the only one. Apparently he'd gathered people to his little beliefs.

Cas should've gone to school right after the incident with Kubrick; but there was no changing what had happened now. People could believe whatever the hell they wanted and apparently Cas having magical powers was in this year.

* * *

 

His opportunity came at 10:30 that morning during their first break. Castiel went to the washroom while Dean was a little caught up in talking to Lisa. Bela and Meg were there too but Jet paid them no mind as he followed Cas' lead. He leaned against the wall outside the bathroom and waited a little longer, he wasn't about to stand in there and watch his friend go, after all.

Castiel appeared a few minutes later and stopped in his tracks when he saw Jet standing there. "I think you know what I'm about to ask you." Jet said evenly and Cas nodded.

"I do… Outside?"

"Whatever you need, buddy."

Cas walked to an area no one else could hear them, it wasn't too hard but he still took special care to do it. "Something happened last night," his voice low and he turned to look at Jet seriously, "I talked to Death again."

Jet raised his eyebrows slowly, "Okay, what'd he say? Did you tell your parents?"

"I haven't told anyone yet and honestly, I'm only going to tell you because you noticed something was up." Cas didn't beat around the bush; he was serious so Jet nodded his understanding.

"Alright, I'm listening man."

Castiel took a deep breath and steadied himself; Jet didn't like how much preparation was going into this. He wasn't sure he'd like the news he received but he kept that to himself. "Death came into our living room and told me I'm not human, he told me that – and this might sound crazy – that I'm an angel. Heaven and Hell are frozen, he said I have to fix it." Cas' eyes were terrified as he spoke, Jet watched his expression fall from being ready to talk to anxious to horrified and so many other emotions he couldn't quite process in that short amount of time. Of course Cas didn't stop, he was nervous and when did a nervous Castiel ever stop talking?

"I have to go there to unseal it, dead people have nowhere to go and Death is counting on  _me_. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to get there or any of this stuff but Death said it'd come to me. I'd  _develop_  into it. I don't know what that means, Jet!" Panic had set in, Jet reached over to place a calming hand on Cas' shoulder but the other teen pulled away. "He said demons are coming for me!  _Demons_  are coming after me, like the ones in my grandpa and Caplan!  _I can't do this!_ "

Jet forcefully grabbed Cas' arm and pulled him into a hug, "Shhh," he hushed him and let Cas' head rest against his shoulder. "It's okay," he whispered reassuringly, "I'm right here, your family's here, we'll help you."

"How?" Cas muttered, Jet felt his shirt dampen where Cas was pressed so he didn't let go.

"I don't know yet, but you're not alone." Lying to Castiel never worked, Jet knew that well enough to not do it.

They stood there for a little while; the school's bell went and signaled the start of classes again. Cas relaxed against him and slowly stepped away, "Thanks Jet." He smiled and wiped his eyes, "I needed that."

"You're welcome, but can I ask something?"

Cas gave a short nod of his head in consent.

"Why haven't you told Dean yet?"

Cas exhaled heavily and ran a hand through his hair, "I'm not sure what to say yet. I don't know how to talk about this."

"Just say what you said to me-"

"It's not that easy." Cas snapped quickly.

Jet bit the inside of his cheek lightly and glanced away for a moment, "Sorry, just wanna help."

Cas froze up and fidgeted with the ends of his sleeves, "I know, I'm sorry. I'm just so anxious and scared. I know I should tell Dean and my parents and they'll help me but I need to figure this out before I involve them…"

Jet's mind caught onto Cas' tone before his words, he knew what that sounded like and h knew where it was headed. "Don't you fucking dare." Jet couldn't stop his first reaction to filter it, "I know what you're thinking. Whatever you think is coming for you, whatever kind of monster that's headed your way, you want to do some heroic bullshit and lead it away from you family."

"Jet, that's not-"

"Shut up for a second, let me see if I've got this straight." Jet interrupted, somewhere in his gut he felt bad for being harsh but Castiel needed to hear this from him, just like Dean did on occasion. "You heard the Grim Reaper tell you that a bunch of monsters are coming for you, and just you. Now, what I'm hearing in your voice is that you haven't shared this information because you don't want help. You don't want our help because you thinking those things will kill us, so you're thinking you'll leave and keep us safe, deal with the demons alone. Am I wrong?"

Cas slowly moved his head back and forth, eye contact lost and attempting to stop the conversation, "Jet, please, just let-"

" _Am I wrong?"_  Jet leaned in close to Cas' face to hiss the words through a clenched jaw.

Cas couldn't help but look at Jet's eyes again, he swallowed, his lips trembled and he finally shook his head, no. "You're not wrong." He said weakly.

Jet's expression softened and he sighed, "C'mon, you know you can't do that." He reached up and held the side of Cas' head firmly to keep it from turning away from him again, "You can't leave us now, you need us. You've given all of us so much of yourself, you've saved us, you've fixed us, you've healed us and protected us. Why do you think we wouldn't do the same for you? If something's coming after you we'd all do whatever it takes to keep you safe, you know that, man."

Cas nodded, tears slipped down his cheeks but he didn't move away this time.

"Please don't leave," Jet whispered quietly, trying to ignore an ache in his chest and push the tears back. Cas could see it all, but he tried all the same.

"I'll try," Cas leaned in and hugged him, he felt something ease the pain that swelled and he closed his eyes. Cas always gave the best hugs, he always put you first and even if Castiel was hurting he'd take care of your pain before his. Being an angel made so much sense.


	32. Perspectives: Sam's Morning

Sam's alarm rang excessively, loud and almost agonizing to the ears. He didn't want to get up, Sam's eyes opened slowly and he reached for the offensive object, slapping the tabletop repeatedly until he found it. He yawned and considered not getting up, just rolling over and going back to sleep but something in him pushed him out from under the covers. He somehow found the strength to swing his legs over the side of his bed and stretch. Climbing up to a standing position Sam found himself meandering to the bathroom.

He'd gotten used to the routine, get up a little earlier than Dean to use the bathroom first and finish before his brother stumbled his way. Dean could be a bit of a cranky bitch in the mornings; Sam wanted nothing to do with it.

Staring at his reflection in the mirror as he brushed his teeth was mindless. Sam blinked silently and yawned again, the paste dripping from his lips and making him jolt forward to ensure it landed in the sink again. Morning routines were a difficult science, he reminded himself.

It'd only taken him a few minutes to brush and use the toilet, he hadn't spent a lot of time climbing out of bed and convincing himself to stay upright. Yeah, he had some time for a shower before Dean was up. Or at least he figured he did, halfway through he heard Dean banging at the door like an angry bear.

"Sammy! Hurry up, quit hoggin' the bathroom."

Sam rolled his eyes and quickly finished up, no need to antagonize the beast. He wrapped himself in a towel and grabbed his clothes from the floor before exiting, making it as fast and efficient as he could. Don't get in the way of a crabby older sibling, especially if they were in the middle of puberty. It was a rule that many younger siblings had to learn. Sam wasn't looking forward to being a teenager, he was a year off from starting the process but nonetheless he didn't want the weird mood swings.

After dressing up he meandered his way down the stairs, "Morning mom," he called and she gave him a quick smile as she set the table for breakfast. That was still weird. Normally Cas had that ready to go but in the last few days Mary set it up for them all, maybe she felt guilty? Or maybe Cas wasn't up to it anymore? Sam's mouth felt dry as it crossed his mind again. His brother hadn't show any signs that it bothered him, that this whole adoption thing was putting him off but that didn't mean he was fine. Sam was certain that Cas had a crack in him somewhere.

And his suspicions weren't put to rest in the slightest when he saw Castiel sitting in the living room. He hadn't packed up his partially put out project, in fact he hadn't made any progress on it at all. Sam questioned the wisdom of 'poking the bear' as it were, but he approached anyway. It was Cas, what could possibly happen?

"You're nervous," Cas looked up at him then, a smile crossing his lips in the way it always did. Sam relaxed a little but he still felt bad. For Cas to say it out loud it had to be a source of pain. It was a different kind of nervous, Sam was nervous for Cas, nervous that he'd upset his brother or that maybe he didn't understand Cas enough to talk about it. Sam was nervous, yes that was true but nervous about Castiel didn't mean afraid. Sam couldn't forgive himself if he were ever afraid of Cas.

"You looked like you were spacing out, I just thought maybe something was up…" Sam bit lightly at the inside of his cheek and went to drop down on the other side of the couch. Castiel didn't flinch or object, but then why would he? Sam watched the way his brother's expression remained unchanging. Castiel didn't seem to take issue with the way he was feeling, the nervousness of his mind or anything else. "Why didn't you work on your sculpture?"

"I didn't feel like it," Cas answered plainly, it was a simple reply and Sam couldn't find any reason to doubt it. But then, why didn't he feel like it?

He couldn't keep it to himself, he knew Cas could tell something was on his mind but he wasn't sure just how much Cas knew. Why not just say it, then? "You said that it didn't matter to you before, is that still true?"

Castiel was quiet for a moment; he knew exactly what Sam was talking about. "Does it matter to you?"

"No, what matters to me is how you're handling it." Sam wasn't sure what to say so unfiltered was the best he could think of. That was usually how Jet handled it, right? He'd assume yes. "I don't know, it just looks like you're too laid back, I think something's up."

"Just because people react strongly in movies doesn't mean everyone has to." Cas' words were calm and collected like he'd practiced it, but Sam wasn't sure if that was because Cas always sounded kinda like that or if Cas' influence on him made him think that way.

But Castiel would never do that to him, alter his mind to make sure he stopped asking questions or stopped thinking a certain way. Cas softened the blow from pain and emotional distress but he didn't mess around like that.

"I love you, Sam." Cas reassured him quietly, "I've been going through some changes I guess, but I'm not concerned about who my family is or isn't. Please don't worry about me, okay?"

Sam looked him over, really looked. Castiel was tired but not unloved, he was stressed out and a little on edge but nothing suggested he felt like he wasn't part of the family. Hell, if Sam had to make a guess he'd say Cas' stance on his 'Winchester-status' was unfazed if not strengthened. "Okay," Sam leaned up and hugged his brother; not quite expecting the pressure Cas put him under in return. A few seconds passed and he could withstand it but after a moment or two passed he had to bring attention to it. "You're crushing me a little," he strained to say and Cas jolted backward.

"Sorry!" his eyes widened and Sam had to laugh.

"It's alright. But hey, why is mom making breakfast and stuff now? You don't want to anymore?"

"Nah, she asked if she could do it for me." Cas smiled and glanced to the dining area, Sam followed his gaze to where Mary was putting plates of food down. "Speaking of looks like it's ready." He ushered Sam off the couch, "Let's go."

"Alright, alright. One more question though!" Sam got up and walked at Cas' side, looking up at the taller (for now) boy, "Are you coming to school today?"

Cas paused briefly and looked down at him. Sam was hopeful, Cas sounded like he was doing much better, like he was able to continue on and get even better than that. Functioning the way you used to meant you were alright, didn't it? Cas had been through a lot recently, and over the course of his life he was always getting hurt and knocked down, physically and mentally. Maybe he'd be okay now. Maybe life would leave him alone. Sam realized that 'Cas going to school' didn't mean life would be nicer to him, but to Sam it meant Cas was ready to get back up and keep going. The whole mess of 'adoption' and what might've happened at Jet's place aside, life could continue as normal.

"Yeah, I think I'll try it." Castiel finally answered and Sam felt a leap of excitement.

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yeah, I'll get ready with you guys today."

"You're going to school?" Mary looked up at them and Cas nodded. "In that case I'll make another lunch." She smiled and went to get it ready.

Sam wondered if Cas' decision would've been different if he hadn't asked but he didn't question it past that. The decision was made, no sense in pushing.

* * *

The three stood outside at the end of the driveway, waiting patiently for the bus to come around. Sam found himself continually glancing Cas' way, glad to see his other brother waiting with them again.

Castiel glanced down at him and smiled warmly, Sam immediately returned it.

It felt good to see part of their routine connected again, Sam could relax a little – more or less, anyway. He hadn't finished the afternoon's homework but he had all lunch to do that.

The bus had all the same faces, most of them yawning, some people were excitedly chatting up their friends and so on. Sam went right to his usual seat next to Brady, a friend from his class. They became friends because of their mutual bus trip and having similar classes, but lately as they grew up Brady had gotten to be more of a bad influence. He was a troublemaker, struggling to get through schoolwork so he copied off of Sam, and he always made insensitive comments toward others. Sam felt uncomfortable around him more and more, but he had no idea how he could approach that situation. What was worse, Brady almost seemed like he could sense when Sam might talk about it and flipped back over to the 'good guy' he'd been in previous school years.

"Hey Sam," Brady grinned as he stepped aside and let Sam have the window seat, the guy always preferred the aisle for some reason. "Your brother's back on the bus now, huh?"

"Yeah, he's finally coming back to school." Sam smiled happily, "I'm glad he's here."

"Hey, is it true what people are saying?" Brady furrowed his brow, a mischievous grin still on his lips. "Does your brother have crazy powers and stuff?"

"What? Who's saying that?" Sam knew that Cas accidentally healed someone from school, but he also knew the story was that this Kubrick dude was crazy and making it up.

"People, everyone's talking about it." Sam didn't like his tone; it was right on the edge of accusatory and annoying. "So is it true?"

"No, Cas is just like everyone else."

"Everyone with ESP, anyway." Brady shrugged and Sam felt like decking him, but kept his cool. Being over protective of people to the point of punching wasn't Sam's thing, that was a Dean thing or maybe Jet. "So he doesn't do crazy magic stuff?"

"Not that I've seen." Sam lied again; he didn't really feel bad about it either. "Cas is just really good at reading people, maybe it's ESP but I doubt it. That stuff's bogus anyway."

"Guess so… But I mean if he could that'd be pretty cool, right? I heard that his eyes glow sometimes."

Sam did his best not to react to that. Someone knew about Cas' eyes glowing? That was oddly specific for a story no one was sure was true. Maybe Kubrick had seen it… "Cas' eyes are just really blue, not glowy."

He felt like he'd spent most of the ride fending off statements that cut a little too close to home. It almost felt like Brady was fishing for information, guessing at something that was almost true just to see if Sam would give it away. But that was giving too much credit to him, Sam refused to believe that Brady of all people was smart enough for that sort of trickery.

As the bus pulled into the parking lot Sam glanced out the window to see Jet perched by the school building. He waved without thinking, eyes stuck on their friend's smile as the older teen lifted a hand to wave back. Sam felt a little silly, his stupid crush always made his brain go numb to the point that thinking was impossible. He thought he'd get over it with time but it just kept getting worse. His own brain was against him, getting ready for puberty and all the garbage that went with it; not to mention that Jet only got hotter. But he was 12; 12 year olds don't find people 'hot.' Or at least that's what he'd been told by his dad – maybe John just didn't remember what it was like to be 12.

Regardless, it was still there. That stupid crush that made him feel awkward around an awesome guy that his older brothers were friends with. He hated it, why couldn't he just be cool? Being a younger sibling sucked, and it was even worse when your older siblings had hot friends.

And then he saw Jet arch off the wall into a standing position. Sam stared for a second before Brady smacked his arm, "Time to get off the bus, droolly."

"Not drooling." Sam retorted shortly as he made his way off the yellow tin can. He let Brady get ahead of him and away as he waited for Cas and Dean to catch up, Jet was probably there to see them anyway.

"Look at this, Winchesters all together again."

Sam couldn't help but smile as Cas and Jet hugged; it was exactly the kind of reassurance Cas needed to stay the whole day.

"Welcome back."

"Thanks."

Jet paused and looked toward the other two Winchesters, Sam caught the expression on his face and wondered if there was something he missed.

"Oh for god's sake… what now?"

"What do you mean?" Dean was defensive but demanding. His worries transferred quickly from Jet to being focused on Cas. "What does he mean?"

Sam understood where Dean was coming from; Cas had gone to school and was smiling the whole time. He was comfortable, wasn't he? If something was wrong he wouldn't have gone to school, he would've told Sam that he didn't want to go.

"Nothing, I'm sure it's nothing." Cas was so gentle when he spoke, he understood better than Sam did how nervous both Sam and Dean were. He knew they were scared for him, worried he wasn't ready or that something would happen. Cas was always good at easing people's anxieties, within seconds Sam felt better about the whole exchange. Jet was probably just paranoid, whatever he saw in Cas' face was most likely connected to hating school.

And that's exactly what Sam told himself to be able to walk away from them that morning. Everything was much more like it should've been, it was back on a normal path and they'd gotten back to their usual routine. He was a little nervous about Cas but that passed as the day went on.

At least until noon when he heard screaming in the halls.


	33. Perspectives: Dean's Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support you guys, as usual I really appreciate the time you put into reading this. This is another Dean perspective chapter but Cas comes back in the next one. Next chapter also stars the scene I wrote this story for so let's see if I manage to do it any justice!

_There's almost never a good time to bring up how you feel about someone and Dean was experiencing that frustration. He wanted to bring it up, he wanted to grab Cas by the arm and just kiss him. Just hold him and feel that incredible spark between them like he had the first time. But there wasn't a special 'moment' to say anything. He never got the opportunity of a romantic situation and he could never tell if Cas felt the same urges he did. If his brother was ever horny Dean didn't know about it._

_So he just did it. They were alone in their room, it was late and Cas was about to go downstairs as he always did when bedtime rolled around. "Cas wait," Dean blurted out as the other teen's hand touched the door handle. His courage nearly died with just those two words out of his mouth but he managed to keep himself steady. "I have to tell you something, it's really important."_

_Cas looked up, his expression innocent and unknowing, "What's up?"_

" _I… I really like you, Cas." He felt his face heating up, words started to get caught in his throat._

" _I like you too," Castiel smiled at him, that same innocence showing and Dean knew Cas didn't quite 'get it.'_

" _No, I mean…" he couldn't think of how to say it so he didn't. He grabbed Castiel and pulled him into a kiss, smashing their lips together and letting himself taste it one more time. He felt the shocked gasp Cas let out but also the way the other boy melted against him. When they pulled apart again Dean's nerves nearly had him shaking. Cas' eyes were so wide and it only reminded Dean how beautiful Castiel was. "I want you, Cas." He didn't know where that courage came from but he wouldn't push it aside._

" _I don't know, Dean." Cas had angled away from him, gaze toward the ground and a deepening blush in his cheeks. Dean felt the urge to just kiss him again, but he stopped himself. "We're brothers, it'd be weird… right?"_

_The added question at the end of Cas' sentence made Dean's heart leap, it meant he wasn't sure. He hadn't made up his mind yet, he wasn't set on a response. Maybe he wanted it too?_

_Dean shook his head, "I don't think so. Remember we're not blood related?"_

_Cas' face lit up like he'd forgotten. "So… you really do want me?"_

" _I do," Dean stepped forward and cupped Cas' cheek in his hand, "You're so beautiful and my best friend, Cas. I don't want anyone else, I just want you."_

" _Oh Dean," Cas fell into his arms and rested his head against Dean's chest – somehow Dean was taller or Cas had shrunk, he wasn't sure. "I want –_ _ **beep beep beep-**_ _"_

Dean's eyes shot open as an alarm sounded, it was Sam's and it was loud as fuck. The walls in their house weren't anywhere close to sound proof.

He groaned softly and rolled over, trying to forget the dream and definitely ignore the slowly diminishing ache in his groin.

Dean ground his teeth as he listened to Sam's alarm continue, it went on for at least a minute and when you're trying to sleep that's a long-ass time. Sam eventually shut it off which gave Dean a little more quiet time before he had to consider moving. He never understood why Sam got up so much earlier, it wasn't like their mom or Cas made breakfast any sooner. Dean always went for 'more sleep' when the option came up.

But this time he couldn't quite get it again, he was pretty sure he had a good ten to fifteen minutes on his alarm but he couldn't fall back into sleep mode. His gut was tied in knots, he didn't know why but he had a feeling it had something to do with Cas. It wasn't that he was worried about how Cas would take his advances, it was more to do with what was going on lately. Cas hadn't been to school, he stayed home and when they hung out he was pretty quiet.

At first it didn't bug Dean but the worrying grew as the days passed, Cas never skipped school more than he absolutely needed to despite hating the place with a passion. Now he'd skipped a week? Of course, after all the shit that happened in one day Dean wasn't too surprised but Cas kept saying he was fine, that nothing was bothering him. So if he was fine, why wasn't he going to school? Their parents felt guilty for not saying anything sooner so they just let it slip past them but Dean didn't like it. Maybe it was because he missed Cas at school, on the bus, in his classes, on breaks, and so on. Maybe he just missed Cas and that was why he felt anxious about it, Dean couldn't really be sure. He didn't want to dismiss that something might be going on, though. Cas was his brother, yes, but he was so much more than that. If something was wrong Dean wanted to know about it.

But sitting in bed thinking about it was going to make him go insane so he got up. As soon as he moved around enough to get dressed he realized that it was probably good he'd gotten out of bed, he really had to pee.

Of course, Sam had to still be in the bathroom. Dean waited for a little bit, he was, after all, up earlier than normal. Sam couldn't take  _that_  long in the bathroom, right?

Wrong. Dean realized the shower was running, not just the sink, and he wanted to smack his face through the door. Instead he used his fist, "Sammy! Hurry up, quit hoggin' the bathroom."

He only had to wait a bit longer for Sam to emerge, he ruffled the boy's wet hair and went on in, "Thanks," he muttered quickly before accidentally slamming it shut, a little too enthusiastic about taking a leak.

He sighed dramatically as his bladder emptied, finally some relief. If Sam had taken any longer he wasn't sure if he'd make it. Dean shook off and paused when it felt better than usual. It was gonna be one of those mornings, apparently.

* * *

 

Once he got downstairs he noticed both Sam and Mary looked exceedingly happy. "What's up?" He raised an eyebrow, the same side he'd learned to copy Jet from years ago. It was just habit now.

"Cas is coming to school today!" Sam exclaimed and Dean felt the sudden jolt of energy the other two were feeling.

"Really?" He looked over at Cas with expectant eyes, his brother smiling sheepishly, "You're coming with today? Feeling better?"

"I figure I've put it off long enough," Cas replied hesitantly, he still didn't want to go – but that was just normal Cas.

"Awesome! The back of the bus hasn't been the same without you, man."

Castiel just smiled, a stifled laugh in his chest made his head bob a little.

Dean couldn't believe how excited he was to have Cas back. He knew he missed his brother being around but it was more than that, as was usually the case with Castiel. Dean liked him, he had a crush that wouldn't let go and that was why he was so happy to hear the news. His crush would be at school again, he'd have more opportunities to impress and get Cas' attention. Maybe even a chance for that romantic encounter.

He still wasn't sure how he'd bring it up, how he'd tell Cas he liked him. Cas was special, it had to be done right or it might fail.

With breakfast wolfed down they went to the bus stop, waiting at the end of their drive way for that big ugly yellow thing to come rolling by. Cas was relaxed, or at least he seemed to be. "It's a bit late today," Dean noted aloud, his feet shifting back and forth.

"Yeah," Cas glanced down the road, neither of them saw a sign of it yet. "Maybe someone was late and he waited?"

"Dunno."

The bus arrived at least ten minutes later than usual, Dean and Cas went right to their routine seats and dropped down. Cas sighed and rested his head against the back as he rolled his gaze to look out the window.

Dean watched the forlorn expression Cas held for the 'freedom of the outdoors.' Sometimes he wondered why Cas didn't just quit school altogether and go do something else. He was bound to be a hippie someday.

"You sure you're okay coming to school? I don't want to pressure you or anything."

"I'm already on the bus," Cas laughed at him and looked back Dean's way. There was nothing in his expression that resembled the Cas of Dean's his dream, he wasn't innocently staring or oblivious of anything. Castiel was aware of nearly everything Dean was and even more on top of that. Dean had to keep reminding himself of that, that Cas was more level headed than anyone he knew and Cas wouldn't be some bashful damsel and fall for him like a stone.

But more importantly, Castiel had a lot on his plate – normal teenage concerns weren't part of Cas' agenda. Which brought Dean right back to the question; does Cas even feel puberty the same way he that did?

"Fair point, I guess." Dean laughed awkwardly and cleared his throat as he realized his voice cracked. That sort of thing didn't happen to Cas either, it seemed. For him it was a slow descent, his tone dropped gradually while Dean's, Jet's and every other guy's voices crackled and randomly squeaked without their permission. Cas was a point of envy for that.

The bus pulled up at school, Dean hopped off with Cas and Sam, their little brother sticking to them more than usual that day. Probably had something to do with Cas coming back. Jet approached and greeted them but Dean's mind drifted elsewhere. He noticed Kubrick and a few others looking their way, that sleazy bastard always gave Dean the creeps. He'd like to say that he was indifferent to different religions and people of faith but all in all he thought it was a load of shit. Kubrick was the defining turd in the pile, too. He was psychotic about it, pushed it on others whenever he got the chance – actually pushing them sometimes. Kubrick was physical and could be extremely violent. Dean sometimes pictured Kubrick's ancestors being in the crusades, it made sense when he really thought about it.

"Oh for god's sake…"

He looked back at the others but Jet's expression had changed, he wasn't smiling and excited anymore. Jet was concerned and looking his way; the look in Jet's eye told Dean he'd noticed something wrong.

"What now?"

It was about Cas. Dean's stomach tightened like it'd felt that morning, "What're you talking about?" He demanded anxiously, he could feel his heartbeat rise and he looked at Castiel. "What does he mean?" Cas didn't look guilty, he didn't look like he knew what Jet was talking about but just because Cas didn't react didn't mean Jet was wrong. Jet was rarely wrong with his intuitions; he was a good judge of character, and really observant. If he noticed something Dean usually believed him.

"Nothing, I'm sure it's nothing."

Dean felt better just hearing how easy it was for Cas to say that. Castiel was a bad liar and he hated to lie, Dean hesitantly trusted him. A combination of Cas being a bad liar and Jet's ability to read a situation made Dean nervous. Jet noticed something weird but Cas didn't know what it was? Or was Cas really good at hiding it this time? The whole thing was giving him a headache; it was probably best left for later.

"Alright, let's just get to class." He led the way, waving goodbye to Sam as they entered the high school doors.

* * *

 

The first class went about as Dean expected. Everyone was really happy that Cas was back, Charlie told him all about her most recent projects, Garth chatted him up, and their teacher, Miss Barnes, was excited to him see him too. Dean lost track of who came and went but when their first break started Lisa stopped at his desk.

"Hey Dean," She smiled wide, a very pretty smile that Dean couldn't help but admire.

"Hey Lis, what's up?"

"Not much, I was just wondering if I could ask you something?" Lisa's entourage walked over as well, Bela eyeing him like a piece of meat – something he was used to.

"Uh… go ahead?" He shifted uncomfortably but stood his ground. Where was Jet or Cas? Why weren't they getting involved? He took a quick glance and realized that they were gone, both of them.  _Traitors!_

"Are you free tonight?"

He hadn't expected that. Dean blinked in surprise a few times, Lisa was asking him out? He'd thought about her a couple times during the last few years but she was actually asking him out? Dean wanted to laugh at himself; Lisa was one of the hottest girls in the school and she was asking to see him. Other guys would kill for that chance and it was offered to him, a guy with eyes for another guy. His brother. Castiel. But would that ever work?

Dean smiled at her, unsure of what to do with the situation. Where was Cas? "More or less, what'd you need?"

"I was hoping you could help me with some homework, we've got this art project and I was doing something with metalwork. But my dad's gonna be gone for a few days."

Homework at Lisa's without her dad around. Dean cringed at himself, it sounded innocent at first before a dirty mind was applied to the situation. But how could he not know what she meant? Homework at her place – no parent supervision. What was he supposed to read from that? But then, what if she did need help with her project? It was a dick move to say no just because he couldn't stop thinking about sex – specifically with Cas but that didn't change the libido. So, assuming she was literally just asking a friend for help, nothing extra, he couldn't say no without a good reason.

"I'm gonna say yes," he caught himself there but it was too late already. Lisa smiled again and gave him a wink.

"I'll see you later, then." And with that she left with her moral support in tow. Meg glanced back at him with an icy look, Dean had no idea why but what he just said pissed her off. Did she know? About his feelings for Cas? No… how could she?

He started to feel guilty but he hadn't done anything wrong; if Lisa really did need help with homework he could do that. Lisa was a friend, after all. He liked joking around with her and talking to her, but his heart was set on Cas. So if she really was looking to get a little bump and grind, he'd just have to say no. That was all there was to it.

After Dean moved to the next class expecting to see Jet and Cas the bell went, and they were nowhere in sight. Dean frowned and dropped into his usual seat, where the fuck could they be? The teacher started talk and he kept glancing at the door, hoping to see them pop in.

Five minutes into the period Cas and Jet snuck inside, giving a short wave to the already frustrated teacher. "Where were you?" Dean whispered angrily and the other two both gave apologetic smiles.

"I had to ask him something," Jet confessed, "no big deal."

It was too vague of a statement to really distrust but Jet was a spectacular liar anyway, Dean figured vague was Jet's way of not lying to him. "Alright fine."

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes to the end of class the teacher gave them time to work on previous assignments, they could talk amongst themselves if they wanted to but they had to get the assignment done by next time. Dean smirked and packed up his stuff, "You guys know what that means."

"Free time," Jet grinned back and did the same.

Cas rubbed his eyes tiredly, "I've only been here for a few hours and I'm already exhausted. This place is so draining." He yawned and leaned back in his chair, "I really should do the homework though…"

"Do it at home, I'll help you." Dean urged him and started to pack up Cas' stuff for him.

"Thanks, I guess." Castiel laughed softly and finished the job.

"Let's get lunch early, cafeteria's serving tacos today." Jet was pretty enthusiastic about it but Cas apparently saw right through him.

"You don't care about the tacos, the desserts today are cupcakes."

Jet shrugged, "So?"

Dean grinned at him, "Don't even try to deny your addiction, man. Just go and get your damn cupcakes."

Jet nodded and was about to leave when he stopped by the door, "We're only allowed one each… can I-"

"You can have ours." Dean and Cas said at the same time, knowing full well what Jet was about to say.

"You're the best, c'mon let's go get them." He was already out the door before he finished his sentence.

Dean rolled his eyes and started after him, "You coming, Cas?"

"I'll be right there, don't worry I'll get a cupcake for him."

"Sure thing, I'll see you there." He ran out after his buddy, only managing to catch up to Jet in the already forming line.

"What the fuck is this?" Jet grumbled impatiently, "Class isn't even supposed to be out yet…"

"They want tacos, the cooks make awesome tacos." Dean pointed out with a smile; after all  _he_  was there for the tacos. Jet was the one who wanted cupcakes.

They waited together for a few minutes, not really paying much attention to the time passing until Dean felt something in his stomach again. Immediately he glanced around the area, "Where's Cas?" He tried to shake off the little anxious thoughts but they wouldn't go.

"Didn't he say he was coming?" Jet wasn't too worried, if he was it was probably more about the cupcake situation than anything else.

"Yeah but he isn't here yet…" Dean shifted back and forth, "I think I should go look for him. I know he said he was fine and shit but I don't know… He might've only come today because Sam and I wanted him to."

"Then get going," Jet nudged him gently.

Dean nodded and hurried out of the line, his stomach was in knots again and his mind started to panic. He didn't know why but he felt connected to Castiel, like his mind could somehow feel Cas'. And if that really was the case then something was wrong. Cas was in distress, his back might've been acting up or he really wasn't ready to go back to class. If he was having another episode like at Jet's place Dean wasn't sure what he'd do, but he wasn't going to ignore it.

When he got to the stairs leading to the second floor classrooms he saw Castiel on the landing by the windows, he was soaked and surrounded. Kubrick and his weird friends were all around Cas; he was hunched forward, trying to angle himself away from them. Dean knew by the way Cas moved that his back was in pain again and it didn't look like a good one.

"Get away from him!" He shouted as he bolted forward, throwing people out of his way and getting to his brother's side. "Cas, Cas it's okay." Castiel's face was pale; his eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth open in a silent scream. But he wasn't breathing right. "Cas I'm here, it's alright now." Dean's heart felt like it was stopping; he moved to stand more behind Cas to try and massage his back like he'd done on previous occasions.

This time something was wrong. Castiel's muscle moved and lifted strangely, it swelled and pulled against his shirt, Dean could only imagine what was happening to Cas' skin.

Castiel started to scream and tried to curl further forward. "It's going to be okay," Dean tried to encourage him, tried to soothe any fear Cas would feel. But he knew he couldn't really do that, all he could do was try. "I'm here, it's going to be-"

Something struck him at high speeds; he had no idea what it was but it had knocked him senseless. Dean didn't know which way was up but he did hear glass shattering. The floor was further away than he'd expected.

And since when had the ceiling been removed? There wasn't supposed to be a sky indoors…


	34. Perspectives: Castiel's Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is a long one but some of it is a bit of 'Cas' Morning' perspective of what had happened to the others in the previous 3 chapters and the other half covers what happens next. So I hope you enjoy it :)

Castiel didn't want to go to school. He never would have gone; he was so far from ready. But Sam… Sam was putting so much hope into that one move, that one little decision for him to go to the place he knew as a prison. Cas sighed heavily as he stared out the window of that awful tin can, how could he possibly deny his brother that moment of peace? Sam really thought that if Cas would get better the first step was normalcy.

And maybe that was true, but after that night, after Death spoke to him, Cas couldn't stop thinking about what would be around the next bend for him. The next time he had a power surge, what would happen? What do angels look like? And why demons? Why would he have to deal with demons? They were coming for him; they were sniffing him out one by one and coming after him.

Disguised as people he knew or inside people he knew? When a demon walks the Earth do they do it in their own skin or do they take over another? Rotting them from the inside out and leaving an empty husk behind? Cas had to protect his family. When it happened, when whatever event occurred that brought the monsters to him, he didn't want them to be there. Every fiber of his being knew he needed them but he couldn't risk their lives, he couldn't do that to them again and again.

His dad killed the first one inside his teacher; his mom killed the second inside her father. They saved him but he put them through it, unknowingly he put his family through those hells just by being in their lives. What else could he possibly do to them? He didn't want to be responsible for their nightmares, but maybe he already was.

He had to leave. Cas had decided just as his dad had woken up that morning. He'd have to leave before something went wrong. He had no idea how to protect them other than getting out of there; if he was the target then they'd be okay without him. He had no idea how to fight, he didn't have the strength to kill and he didn't ever want to be responsible for that. So how could he ever think he'd be able to save them? He couldn't.

"You sure you're okay coming to school?" Dean said suddenly. "I don't want to pressure you or anything."

"I'm already on the bus." He pointed out with a laugh and a smile as he looked back over at his brother. He could tell Dean was nervous about him, maybe it was because he didn't look like he was functioning properly.

"Fair point, I guess." Dean was awkward; was Cas the reason for that? He didn't know and frankly he wasn't sure he wanted to know in case it was true. But he checked anyway, seeing inside Dean was easy and took no effort at all so why not? Privacy, but he'd ignore that for now.

Dean was uneasy, everyone seemed to be lately. Mostly they were concerned about Cas, if he was okay, if he wasn't telling them something, or if something had happened. In that particular case Dean was worried Cas wasn't saying something. It was stuck inside Dean's head like a sickness, was Castiel alright? What was he thinking about? Did something happen to him that he's not saying? And it went on and on like that, an infinite loop. His mind wouldn't ease up on him and Cas couldn't quite lift that worried weight. All he could do was smooth over the edges and hope it was enough.

He managed to get Dean to focus on his cracking voice, to get the worrying angled a little more toward whether or not Cas was going through a 'normal' puberty.

Cas almost wanted to answer, Hell no, nothing I go through is normal. But he kept it to himself.

There was something else in Dean he noticed, it was something new and though he wasn't sure he should poke at it he tried to take a closer look. There was a strange part of Dean's being that glowed, it was attached to his core and stuck out like a sore thumb. Cas knew it hadn't been there before, he'd studied the way Dean's soul looked and moved, this piece wasn't normal. He reached out to touch it but hesitated, what reason did he have to do something like that? He'd already dug in Dean's mind when he knew it was against Dean's privacy, he couldn't just go around poking at things too.

Instead he inspected the new growth in Dean's being, it shone and glistened like silver - and something else. It reminded him of when his body would glow, but that couldn't be right, could it? It was Dean, Dean was human.

Cas didn't have an answer for it but he backed off all the same. Whatever it was, it hadn't done anything and Dean didn't seem concerned about it.

The bus pulled up and he hopped off like always, everything was normal enough for Sam and Dean at least. Cas' mind was like a hornets' nest but he tried to keep that to himself - but he couldn't fool Jet. It took a hug and a look and that was all Jet needed to know something wasn't quite right with him.

Sharp bastard... he cursed to himself before attempting to lie for Dean and Sam's sakes. He'd just spent so much time trying to keep his brothers calm. "Nothing, I'm sure it's nothing." It didn't really ease their nerves as much as Cas would've liked but it was enough. Everything he did lately seemed to just barely be 'enough.' Enough wasn't 'good enough' anymore.

When Dean glanced at Sam Cas gave Jet a look, hoping his friend would stop asking questions. There was no guarantee he'd get away with it but if Jet would cooperate it'd be a lot simpler. He breathed a sigh of relief when Jet was silent, he hadn't thwarted the questions he would receive but he'd managed to focus down who they'd come from for now.

As he expected Jet wasn't going to let him go that easily but it was alright, Jet didn't know what was happening with him or what he planned to do.

Upon saying goodbye to Sam, Cas walked into the school. In moments Charlie came running to him. "Oh my god, Cas! You've been gone for forever, are you okay? Dean said you were 'going through some stuff.'" She hugged him the second she reached him. "I'm glad to see you're back."

"Yeah, I'm okay." He hugged her back and smiled to himself. "How have you been?"

"Pretty good, we got this group project going in Language Arts and I got teamed up with Kubrick. He's a bit 'into you' right now, if you know what I mean." Charlie leaned in close to emphasize the two words.

"I'm... not sure that I do." Cas admitted sheepishly, "When you say 'into me' do you mean he likes me?"

"Too much. It's creepy." She hooked her arm around his and led him down the hall, "C'mon I gotta get stuff from my locker and you're not getting away from me."

He laughed but made no attempt to escape. Dean and Jet were right behind him; he had no reason to resist. "You really missed me, huh?"

"Everyone missed you, silly."

"Cas!" Garth called loudly as they approached Charlie's locker, Garth's was right next to her so it was impossible to miss him. "Hey man, how's it hangin'? You been busy doing your Messiah schtick?"

"Messiah schtick?" Cas raised an eyebrow at him, "What do you-"

"Oh, it's just what some people were saying you were doing. Apparently you healed Kubrick," he laughed in a way that made Cas feel so much better. No one believed it - well a few did but they were probably friends of the local crazy-dude. He smiled to himself.

"Pfft, yeah." Charlie rolled her eyes, "He keeps going off about how you're sent from heaven and an angel in disguise and he just goes on and on," she opened her locker and hooked the lock over her door frame, "and on."

"Sounds interesting," Cas shrugged and looked back at Dean and Jet quickly for some support, he wasn't going to sound convincing on his own.

"He's nuts and we all know it," Dean added, "I don't believe half the shit he says."

"You kidding?" Jet snorted as he folded his arms over his chest, "Dude's grade A crazy, I believe that he believes he's right beyond a shadow of a doubt." He paused thoughtfully for a second, "And beyond logic, for that matter."

* * *

A swarm of friendly reception, Cas couldn't believe how much people wanted him around. He remembered Mary telling him once that he had a sort of 'calming effect' on people; he knew he was able to do it but he had no idea that it emitted from him too. Class was a warmer environment than he expected, or maybe that was his disposition toward his classmates, either way it was nicer than he'd thought.

He'd almost completely forgotten about that morning until he walked out of the bathroom at break. Jet stood waiting for him and Cas remembered the expression his friend held, the look Cas had given him and everything that made his stomach tighten into knots.

"I think you know what I'm about to ask you." Jet's tone was level, calm and made Cas feel like a scolded child. He nodded his head, he didn't know the details of what Jet was going to ask but he knew it was something he didn't want everyone listening to.

"I do... Outside?"

"Whatever you need, buddy." Jet complied and they wandered off. Cas fidgeted loosely with his sweater sleeves, Jet was good at getting people to talk. What would he end up saying? Was it okay to tell Jet anything? Cas couldn't keep it all to himself, he knew that much. It was slowly eating at him and making him feel ill. The weight of what was expected of him and what he had to do in the near future was too heavy, he needed to share it, get advice, something. Jet always seemed to be the perfect one to do that with.

When they were somewhere he expected no one to be he double checked to make sure. It wasn't a gesture that Jet missed, he was sure, but that didn't matter. Jet already knew something was going on anyway. So where to start? "Something happened last night, I talked to Death again." Just saying the words brought a lump to his throat, part of him just wanted to cry. He just wanted to collapse to the ground, give all the responsibility away and hide. But he didn't, somehow.

"Okay, what'd he say? Did you tell your parents?" Jet was so calm and collected about all of it. Cas was a little jealous.

"I haven't told anyone yet and honestly," He paused and reconsidered for a second, maybe sharing with Jet wasn't the best idea. Then again Jet wouldn't let up if he didn't say something, and there was no lying to a guy who could do it professionally. "I'm only going to tell you because you noticed something was up." He added seriously.

Jet took it well, "Alright, I'm listening man." Why did he have to so understand? It made it so hard to refuse talking to him and keep information to himself. Cas didn't know what he was giving away to Jet just by standing across from him. What body language could Jet read, what did he see in Cas' face, and what were his words actually saying? Cas could dip into Jet's mind to try and find it but that'd only give more away.

So then he just had to start talking. His plans to run could be kept to himself but Jet deserved to at least know the reasons. He steadied himself and took a calming breath, he sensed his preparations weren't making Jet feel any better but Cas had to ready himself for this. If just saying the words 'I talked to Death' rattled his mind he couldn't imagine what the rest would do to him. "Death came into our living room and told me I'm not human, he told me that - and this might sound crazy," he added quickly, knowing that just listening to the first part of his sentence was insane enough, "-that I'm an angel. Heaven and Hell are frozen; he said I have to fix it." Cas couldn't control the rising emotions in him. He felt sick and he wanted to cry again, keeping it to himself he went on, he just had to get it out. As if talking and telling a friend would solve it, would somehow save him a difficult fate. "I have to go there to unseal it, dead people have nowhere to go and Death is counting on me." It sounded like madness and he kind of wished he really was just crazy. Fear gripped him as his own words pushed into his head.

He hadn't said it out loud before. Explaining it, sharing the information made it real. It was real and it was going to happen. "I don't know what to do, I don't know how to get there or any of this stuff but Death said it'd come to me. I'd develop into it. I don't know what that means, Jet!" Jet tried to comfort him but Cas didn't want to be touched and instinctively pulled back, "He said demons are coming for me! Demons are coming after me, like the ones in my grandpa and Caplan! I can't do this!" He'd raised his voice to shouting but it was quickly muffled when Jet dragged him into a hug. It was sudden but so welcoming.

"Shh," Jet's grip was strong but gentle and Cas let himself relax into it. "It's okay, I'm right here, your family is here, we'll help you."

Cas wished those words could solve the problem. He closed his eyes and tried to fight back tears but they got through. "How?"

"I don't know but you're not alone." Jet said honestly and Castiel appreciated it. Being lied to wasn't what he needed, though it was kind of what he wanted. To just for a few minutes believe that he was going to be fine, that maybe Jet had an idea. But all in all it was better that he knew the truth of his situation.

"Thanks Jet, I needed that." He rubbed at his eyes and hoped they weren't too red.

"You're welcome, but can I ask something?" Cas nodded.

"Why haven't you told Dean yet?"

It was a good question, one he'd tried to answer that night but failed. He didn't think Dean would understand, maybe? Dean would worry too much? Cas didn't know. "I'm not sure what to say yet. I don't know how to talk about this." Even thinking of it made him emotional, it broke him down little by little and telling Jet was already difficult. He couldn't imagine if he told Dean. He always sensed Dean's emotions easier; he never had to look for them, they just washed over him without a second to breathe.

"Just say what you said to me-"

"It's not that easy." He didn't mean to snap like that but it came out all the same. He wanted to apologize even more when he saw Jet turn away from him.

"Sorry, just wanna help."

Cas felt awful and wished he could be someone else right then, but of course that was impossible. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm just so anxious and scared. I know I should tell Dean and my parents and they'll help me but I need to figure this out before I involve them..." How could he be so mean to Jet? Of all people, the guy that's been one of his best friends since he was little, helping him through tough times and lifting him up whenever he needed it. Cas felt like a villain and maybe that was why he kept talking, guilt. He felt guilty and now Jet had that look on his face - he knew something.

"Don't you fucking dare." Cas cringed; he knew what was coming next. Dean normally got these speeches but apparently now it was his turn. "I know what you're thinking. Whatever you think is coming for you, whatever kind of monster that's headed your way, you want to do some heroic bullshit and lead it away from your family."

"Jet that's not-"

"Shut up for a second; let me see if I've got this straight." Jet was mad; Cas didn't need to look inside his friend to know that. Jet was onto him, knew exactly what he was thinking and was undoubtedly going to give him shit for it. "You heard the Grim Reaper tell you that a bunch of monsters are coming for you, and just you. Now, what I'm hearing in your voice is that you haven't shared this information because you don't want help. You don't want our help because you think those things will kill us, so you're thinking you'll leave and keep us safe, deal with the demons alone. Am I wrong?"

No he wasn't. Cas wished he was, he wished more than anything Jet was wrong but he wasn't. That's what Cas was planning on doing, that was his reality and right in that moment he had no escape from it. "Jet, please, just let-"

"Am I wrong?" Jet practically growled the words in a low whisper; he'd leaned into Cas' face and gave him no out. This was the intensity Cas had seen others get, something he knew Jet was more than capable of but had never truly experienced it himself.

But this was something he deserved. He managed to find his voice and looked Jet in the eye again, "You're not wrong."

And just like that Jet's eyes changed from angry to remorseful, his voice lost the sharp edge and he just looked lost for words. "C'mon, you know you can't do that." He reached up and held the side of Cas' head; Cas hadn't expected the touch at first. Though it was meant to keep his gaze focused, he chose to receive it differently, the way Jet's core meant for him to know it. There was a purpose for his hand on Cas' face but it was meant to comfort him more than anything else.

"You can't leave us now, you need us. You've given all of us so much of yourself, you've saved us, you've fixed us, you've healed us and protected us. Why do you think we wouldn't do the same for you? If something's coming after you we'd all do whatever it takes to keep you safe, you know that, man."

Cas nodded, tears slipped down his cheeks despite his best efforts. He knew they would, and that was partially why he was afraid. He didn't want anyone to try and do what he'd done, Cas wasn't human and it wasn't impossible for him to heal another. He'd brought Dean back from the dead, for Christ's sake. For Dean to repay the equivalent of that move he'd have to do something life risking, and Cas wouldn't ever be able to live with himself.

"Please don't leave," Jet whispered so softly that Cas nearly missed it. Jet was in pain, there was a swelling in his chest that usually meant emotional distress. Tears were at the edges of his eyes and of all things Castiel didn't want to make his best friend cry.

"I'll try," Cas leaned in and hugged him back, soothing the ache and smoothing over the cracks that pain caused. He could see it written all over Jet's being, Jet loved him like family and Cas couldn't bear to disappoint him. I love you too, Jet. He wished he could etch that into himself, that Jet could just see it when he looked Cas' way, but it wasn't possible. Cas would just have to settle for saying it more often.

* * *

After putting Jet's concerns to rest, they returned to class and before Cas knew it lunch was upon them. They had an extra fifteen minutes and while Dean and Jet were excited about the free time all Cas could think of was how much homework he'd missed in a week, and how tired he was already. Fifteen minutes would never catch him up though, it was pretty silly to even consider it, so he took Dean's advice and packed away his things.

As Dean and Jet talked Cas' mind drifted, sure it was tacos for lunch that day and cupcakes that Cas would inevitably give away, but all he could think about was the outdoors. He wanted to go outside for a little before waiting in a line up to sit in the cafeteria. He glanced toward the window, the sky was so inviting he wished he could just laze in the grass and stare at it.

"You coming Cas?"

He nodded, "I'll be right there, don't worry I'll get a cupcake for him." Cas figured he'd just spend a few minutes outside, only a few.

Surprisingly Dean let him stay behind. Cas wasn't sure if it was because Dean really wanted tacos or if it was because he wanted to give Cas some space. Either way he appreciated it.

Castiel went to his locker to put his things away, the halls were relatively quiet except for some people wandering around. Cas thought nothing of it as others approached, at least not at first. Something was wrong.

He looked up to suddenly meet eyes with Kubrick, "Hello, Castiel." Kubrick smiled and stepped closer, Cas stepped back. "It's nice to see you're feeling better."

"What do you want, Kubrick?" Cas frowned but stopped his retreat when he realized people were behind him too. Something was really wrong. They looked at him strangely and expectantly, like he was meant to do something or say something.

"Not much, just a little demonstration." He reached forward but Cas swatted his hand aside.

"Don't touch me." He insisted firmly, his heart starting to race and panic set in.

"Heal me," Kubrick demanded, the look in his eye was disconnected and sent Cas' stomach tumbling into knots. "You did it before, do it again. Show them your power, Castiel."

Cas shook his head, "I don't have any power, Kubrick. And you're not even injured." He tried pushing his way through the pack of students but some of them were a little more stubborn than he'd anticipated.

"You're right, how silly of me, I'm not injured." Kubrick pulled a pen from his pocket and, before Cas understood what was happening, jammed it into the arm of kid next to him. "But he is."

Cas' eyes widened, "You're sick," he stammered out. "Get away from me!" He shoved the students out of his way and bolted down the hall, but there were more walking toward him. He thought he could push past them so he charged.

He was wrong. They caught his arms and held him tightly despite his struggling. He wasn't strong enough. Cas strained but he couldn't do anything except whimper as they dragged him into the bathroom before anyone saw them. A hand clamped over his mouth to keep him quiet as he was forced into the handicapped stall. He noticed they'd brought in a large pot and filled it with water, he could only imagine what they were going to do with it.

"If you won't heal anyone then maybe you'll show it another way." Kubrick's voice was like venom and Cas wished he could push back. Someone forced him to his knees in front of the large cooking pot and held Cas' head over it. "Angels don't need to breathe."

Those were the last words Cas heard before he was plunged into cold water. He pushed back again, water rushing into his ears and drowning out all sound but his own heart skipping beats. Seconds passed like hours as he struggled to get free. His lungs started to burn as he grasped at the arms around him, hoping and praying that someone would come help him.

It hurt, his chest ached and his entire body felt stiff. He needed to breathe. He needed to take a breath but he didn't want to drown. It didn't matter though, within 40 seconds he instinctively tried to inhale. Water filled his mouth and nose, pouring down into his lungs and stomach. Cas thrashed and convulsed against the people holding him down, frantically trying to pull away. One of his limbs connected hard with the student on his right side, Cas didn't know where he hit them but it was enough to wrench away.

Cas threw another kid aside, adrenaline guiding his actions and sending his mind into a spiral. He didn't fully know what he was doing but it was working, he'd forced a path clear for himself and he took it. Maybe it was super human strength or just the terror coursing through him, whichever it was he used all of it to get out of there.

Once he burst out of the bathroom he didn't think, he just ran to the stairs hoping for an escape. But there were more of them coming down from the second level. With a clear memory of what had happened the last time he tried to charge past them, he froze on the landing between the two floors and backed up to the window, "Get away from me..." he repeated weakly, his heart pounding so loud he almost couldn't hear anything else. "Please... get away from me."

Why wasn't he coughing? He'd inhaled water; did he really not need to breathe? Was that part of being an angel? He didn't know, his mind was too flustered to care about that. And then a sharp sensation rippled through him.

His back hurt. He shuddered and tried to will it away, he couldn't have a spasm here, not now.

Pain shot through his spine once, like a shock of lightning and again a few seconds later. 'This one's going to be bad.' He knew it. He knew it before his muscles tightened and he couldn't do anything but curl forward. Kubrick and the others surrounded him and stepped closer, some were saying things, others were in awe, he didn't care. Cas' hearing dulled and all he could understand was that the muffled voices belonged to people.

It felt as though someone had taken a sledgehammer to his back, pounding and pounding away. Then they took handfuls of skin and tissue and tried to tear it from his spine, punching down hard into his core and ripping it back out again. Over and over, each time getting more painful and each time he wanted to cry out. His face was soaked in water and tears, his body temperature sky rocketed and fell just as fast.

He couldn't breathe.

"Get away from him!"

It rang clear as a bell, Dean's voice crashed into his mind and Castiel wanted to scream. He wanted to tell Dean it hurt, he wanted it to stop but he could speak. He couldn't move. Dean's hand pressed into his back but it didn't help, it wasn't like last time and Cas was starting to lose his mind.

All he wanted was something pleasant, like earlier that morning or the day before. Anything, anything else but the pain. He tried to get his mind out of that toxic space, out of the agony and into a daydream. But that could never work.

He felt his muscle tearing, like bone was stretching out of his spine and there was nothing he could do. Screaming was the first thing he noticed, his body hunched closer to itself but his legs wouldn't give out. Castiel lost track of himself, his mind shut down and for a second he thought he'd gone insane, or maybe he'd died. The pain couldn't be any higher than it was; it had peaked and scorched his back.

Then suddenly it released him. The pressure let go and though it left his skin throbbing and split open he felt better. Cas gulped in air and slowly regained his bearings, trying to get his head on straight. The people around him were freaking out, some screaming and others in gasping awe.

"Cas?" Charlie's voice reached him, she sounded shocked if not a little horrified. "Are... are you okay?"

He didn't know how to respond, when had she gotten there?

Cas slowly tried to straighten himself out and felt an extra weight on his back, it put him off balance and he struggled to remain standing. Something in the corner of his eye moved, something unnatural and strange. His eyes were drawn to it - a wing. An enormous wing with blood dripping down the feathers was arched there, stemming from somewhere behind him.

Cas' heart stuttered as a gust of wind from behind him blew over the dampened limbs, he felt cold. The wing fluttered a little to shake off the blood; Cas felt every muscle movement and realized even more that it was his. He had wings.

But where was Dean?

Castiel turned around, everyone that had surrounded him moments before gave him space to do it. The window behind him was broken, but wasn't that where Dean had been standing?

His heart stopped and he ran to the window ledge, he felt sick as he leaned over. Among the glass and gathered students laid his brother, on his back in the dirt with his head limply rolled to the side. Dean had been knocked so far back by the force of Cas' wings he'd landed several feet away from the building - there was even some dirt kicked up from where he'd skidded to a stop.

"Dean-" Cas choked on the name, he was the one who did that. "Oh my god," he covered his mouth and ran down the stairs past the other students. He felt his wings drag behind him, knocking some people over. "I'm sorry," he immediately stammered out, his body was shaking now as he looked to the person who just blinked up at him, unaware of what just hit them. "I'm so sorry," Cas continued to rush outside; apologizing to everyone he accidentally struck.

"Dean! Dean!" He shouted as he bolted out the door and around to where Dean was starting to moan. "Dean? Can you hear me?"

Green eyes fluttered open and Dean groaned softly. "Cas?" He whispered in a hoarse voice, his eyes slowly focusing on him. "Cas your eyes are glowing."

Castiel laughed quietly and leaned over to wrap his arms around Dean, "You're okay," he wasn't sure if he was reassuring Dean or himself but it worked for both. There was a soft light that shone between them for a split second before Dean gasped.

"Oh my god," Dean groaned louder and Cas knew he was okay for sure this time, he'd healed him. "Oh my god Cas - you've got wings!" The sudden realization was a loud one with Dean, his face nothing more than shock and awe.

"I know." Cas lifted up off of him, a smile perpetually on his face.

"And I gotta say, glowing eyes is pretty crazy, man."

"I'd turn it off if I could." They both laughed a little and hugged again; Dean's hand slipped behind him and touched the base of his wing and his back where they'd torn through.

"How's your back?"

"Healed, I guess." Cas tried to pretend he hadn't shuddered from the touch, his wings had never seen the light of day before so they were a little sensitive.

"But seriously, why do you have wings?" Dean questioned further and Cas shrugged.

"I'll uh… tell you later?" He liked the light-hearted feeling of their conversation; like he hadn't just grown wings and he hadn't just nearly murdered his brother. Cas started to help Dean up when he felt something sickening in the pit of his mind. Something was coming.

Something was there. He looked up and at first he saw Meg, she looked disheartened and worried. "You have to run, Cas." Her voice was even and the tone made his skin crawl. "I tried to help, I'm sorry."

"What? Meg what are you-" His words nearly strangled him as he watched her face contort. It wasn't like before, it wasn't like his grandfather's expression tore itself apart or when Caplan's face melted, it flickered. It changed but it was more his vision of her than her actual face.

But a monster still stared back at him, something horrifying from a nightmare that made him want to throw up. "Y-your face." He stammered and tried to move, "Meg, your face, something's wrong with-"

"Nothing's wrong with my face, asshole. This is what I look like." She sneered at him, "But I can finally see you now… I really wish it hadn't been you, Cas."

"What the fuck's going on?" Dean snapped but Cas wasn't paying as much attention as he should've been. He was so focused on Meg that Dean's concerns slipped past him. "What is that!?"

Cas looked at Dean first then followed his gaze up; something circled over the school and Cas knew what it was. Demons had come for him. Whatever beacon he was going to give off that'd attract them had happened, his wings were there and Meg could see something different in his face like he could see in hers.

"Those are demons, Dean." Meg explained tensely, her expression tight as she watched them swoop around hunting Cas down. "They're not sure where you are yet, you have to get out of here."

"They know I'm here, why else would they be here?!" Cas shouted at her above the sudden roar of shouts and screams around them.

"Because I know you're here, they're not sure who they're looking for, now get inside before they see your goddamn wings!"

Her warning was too late, though. Cas was about to take Dean with him and go but several demons landed around them. "Not so fast, angel." One of them grinned.


	35. This Can't Be Happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thank you all so much for supporting this story. Can you believe it's been going since May? Crazy. Anyway I'm not sure if I'll be able to update again by Christmas. I might be able to but if not I'll say Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, and Happy Advent! I'm sure my uncultured self missed something but that too. This isn't the happiest of Christmas chapters but whatever, it's good enough.

Surrounded with nowhere to go, it was the second or third time that day Cas saw no exit. This time however there were monsters all around them. To make that even worse Meg was one of them, Dean was with him and he had no idea what the other demons were doing to the rest of the school. It was easily the worst day of his life.

"You're a lot smaller than I pictured," One of the demons lifted the tip of Cas' wing before he pulled it in. He didn't know how he was controlling them; he didn't have time to figure out the details of his body at that moment - he was too focused on the beasts closing in. The way they looked was incredible and if they weren't real he would've been more interested in getting details. The most he could figure out in his panicked mind was that they were all different. Every creature was unique, the scars in their skin, the marks on their faces, and even the shapes of their bones. Some were partially decayed, others had full bodies of skin but their skin wasn't made the way Cas' was, or Dean's.

"He's a fledgling, of course he's small. Look at him, just got his wings." Another laughed; the sound chilled the air around them. Cas wanted to shrink into himself; nightmares of what he'd seen with his grandfather came back to him in sharp flashes. All he could think of was Dean's body in his arms, the bodies littering the yard and blood everywhere. It was happening again. People were dropping like flies, limbs littered the schoolyard and he felt useless.

A demon flew overhead and slammed a student into the wall at incredible speeds; Cas didn't get a chance to see who it was before they were flattened. His stomach tightened and he felt weak. People were thrown from the building, some gutted right there on the lawn, some of them were near him but not near enough for him to help.

He was terrified. Cas no longer had words to describe what was going through his mind or Dean's. It was chaos and it was maddening. He wanted to scream, to disappear, to be gone from all of this. He wished that afternoon could've been like the morning Sam was hoping for, could've been as promising as Jet was an hour before. He wished none of this was happening but he couldn't stop it. Trying to focus on all of it would ruin him; he had to focus on one thing at a time.

Dean kept closer to him and Cas tried to shield them with his wings, his heart pounded heavily as all noise was drowned out by screams. He had to protect Dean, he had to protect himself. He needed to find Sam and Jet and their parents.

Or was it best if he left?

The people all around were being attacked, mauled, thrown against the building and trees repeatedly - blood was everywhere.

No. If he left now it'd only continue. He should've gone already, he should've left when Death spoke to him but he didn't. He didn't leave to save them, so he had to do it now.

All Cas could remember were Death's words, he needed Castiel to live. Cas wanted to say he didn't care about Death's warning, that he didn't care whether or not he lived. But if he didn't do what was needed, if he died prematurely then where would his loved ones go when they died? Or all the people left out in limbo now? He needed to survive, to fight and free the other angels. If he could do that then they'd do the fighting for him.

But he didn't know how to fight, he'd accidentally knocked Dean out a window and that one time he sent both Dean and Jet flying into walls. That was it; he had no clue how to defend himself. But he did know one thing; they had to get out of there.

"Let me take him," Meg spoke up again, as unreadable as always. Cas stared at her past the minions between them, his eyes narrowing with anger and confusion.

"No offense, Meg, but your father says he doesn't want you dealing with angel-boy here." The demon Cas thought didn't have a mouth spoke up, it's face split vertically from right between its eyes to the base of its neck. Cas felt Dean's disgust boil to the surface, enough there for both of them. Though Dean had a little more than disgust in him, he was confused. He couldn't see Meg's face; she still hid in her human form while the other demons didn't hesitate to show their true selves.

"My father doesn't know what he's dealing with.  _I_  found him; I should be the one to take him." She protested fiercely and somehow gave Cas the sense that she was on his side. Maybe she was playing both angles and would betray him, but he didn't think so. She'd never showed any sign of it before, in fact he knew that she liked him so why would that change now?

" _You_  found him but failed to bring him in. Azazel needs someone he can trust."

Meg snarled, her eyes were large but solid black. Cas hated her new face; he hated the way it looked nothing like the girl he knew. But that was something he'd have to get used to, this was what she looked like. He didn't have the time to really look; later on he'd try to learn it.

"That angel is mine." Meg growled out the words as she killed her kin standing closest to her with a five inch blade Cas hadn't seen on her. It was so fast he could hardly register that one of them had been slaughtered right there. In the seconds that followed his mind raced, the monsters were going to close in now, they'd attack and then what? The best he could do was use what he had; keeping Dean alive was his priority. How could he save Dean? How could he save himself?

Cas curled his wings in close, waiting for the demons to come at him. They wanted their prey, they wanted a live angel to drag down to hell and unseal it, so they moved toward him all at once. Cas wished it were like a video game or movie where one came at him one at a time, but he was rarely so lucky.

In his current situation, however, he had the advantage. In a flash his wings flared out again and mimicked the moment he'd throttled Dean out the window. Several demons went flying and Cas had to take advantage of the sudden opening around him. "Come on!" He shouted and dragged Dean with him, his hand firmly gripping his brother's forearm. Whatever Meg was doing he'd have to trust that she could handle herself.

"Hey! Cas where are we going?!" Dean didn't know what was going on either but at least he had the mind to go with what Castiel was shouting at him. "We need to find Sam!"

 _'I know that, okay?!'_  He thought dismally as he rushed away from the swarm behind them. As he ran around to the entrance again he saw even more demons. The ones flying about were mostly the size of an average man, some a little bigger and some smaller. There were a few that appeared small but they were extremely far away. The ground had erupted around the east side and partially beneath the school, and something was coming out. A giant hand the size of at least two Castiel's emerged (he wasn't sure how big he was including the wings so he ignored that part of himself when sizing this thing up). It reached out of the ground and pushed on part of the school to help climb up; it'd been hiding in the earth's crust for some time because it looked like some of the land had grown onto it.

 _"The angel!"_  It bellowed below them and made the ground shake. Cas lost his balance; with an earthquake and a very strange new weight on his back his usual clumsiness was amplified. He hit his knees and had lurched forward, one hand pressed against into the grass to catch himself. What was happening?  _"The angel is here!"_

"C'mon, Cas!" Dean hadn't let go of his arm but didn't quite fall to the ground with him. "We gotta move! Let's go!"

Cas' heart raced as he watched the creature's head lift up from the hole, sunken eyes too small for its face, no lips and a peeled back mouth - it was ugly. It pressed its weight down onto its hands to climb up, the ground beneath one pressed into the earth while the other crushed the portion of the school it had rested on.

It was like a dream, the world slowed down as Cas realized how many students were in the building, in  _that_  part of the building. They were dead. He watched the walls crack under the pressure of this beast pushing itself from

Dean stared suddenly silenced, "That was the cafeteria..." his words were heavy and his heart sinking fast with them. "Jet was..."

"He's alive," Cas filled the strangled pause as fast as he could, "I can still feel him, he's alive. He's not in there." Castiel dragged himself to his feet but another earthquake rattled the area. Both he and Dean toppled over that time, their legs unusable and their equilibrium being shaken like one of James Bond's drinks.

"We gotta get to Sammy!" Dean shouted above the events around him but it didn't matter how loud he could be. Cas could barely hear him over screams and the sounds of the earth breaking. Their time and their world in that moment all rested on the monsters crashing through the air.

 _"We've been waiting for you, angel!"_  The beast had risen up, taller than the school but most of its body mass went into length. It was like a dragon though he'd sooner describe it as a humanoid serpent with legs. Its face was grotesque at best and nearly made him throw up at worst. Cas' limbs felt weak and his heart hadn't slowed down, wouldn't slow down. This thing had crawled from deep in the earth, a hole no wider than it was but incredibly far down.

"Cas!" Dean yanked on his arm again and Castiel, for a few seconds, didn't know what to do. His brother dragged him toward the front of the school but Cas couldn't move his legs. The beast in front of him opened its enormous maw and laughed, its hand swiping down at them.

 _'No!'_  Cas' mind and soul screamed out as he pulled away from Dean and swatted the other teen with his wing again. Dean sailed across the yard, away from him and away from the demon's reach. Castiel was relieved; despite the fact that he was bashed over by a huge hand he'd managed to save Dean from it. He hadn't, however, expected the force to knock him out for a few seconds. Cas' eyes wouldn't open and his body wouldn't respond. It was only for five seconds but those were the longest seconds of his life.

"CAS!" He heard Dean screaming for him, it was muffled and distant but he heard it.

"Dean..." he groaned but it was weak, not loud enough for Dean to hear him. He opened his eyes, blurred vision greeted him but he tried to focus. Where had he landed? Where was Dean? Cas sat up slowly, his felt his bones shift and pop back into place he hadn't realized had been broken. Parts of his head felt wet and warm, he was bleeding. That hit should've killed him, it would've killed Dean but he'd prevented it.

"Cas are you okay!?" Dean called to him again and Cas looked in the direction of his voice.

His eyes started to focus; he could see Dean shakily standing several feet away from him. Dean was standing, he was a little bruised up but he was okay. Tears welled up in Cas' eyes, "You're okay," he breathed and tried to pull himself up.

A shadow dropped down from the sky, hovering above Dean as the teen struggled to stand.

Castiel's heart froze again.

He could hear Dean shout as the demon lifted him off the ground, he could feel himself trying to stand but some of his bones hadn't healed yet. Dean cried out for him, for help, to be put down and he cursed loudly. Castiel staggered, he'd stood up but he hadn't paid enough attention to the monster that had knocked him down the first time. The beast brought its hand down again, pinning Castiel to the ground, wings stuck under its weight.

Nothing around him felt real anymore. Cas felt like there was fire in his back, his wings burned and his soul lit. "Get off of me," he demanded but the monster didn't listen.  _"Remove your ugly feet from me, now."_  The creature's hand lit up, Cas knew it was because of him. He didn't know what he was doing; it was like when he'd shouted at Death the first time.

Energy surged through his limbs and he placed a hand on the demon's skin. It was rough, dirty and more than anything he wanted it off. It shrieked a piercing sound that shattered glass and shook the ground again. Cas saw something resembling lightning shoot through the creature's arm, it stemmed from where his hand laid and sparked each time it burst through the skin. In seconds the entire monster was filled with his light, it shone out of its orifices and started to eat away the flesh.

Another power surge finished the job. The beast exploded, chunks of it flew everywhere in a flash of light and a bellowing scream. Cas gasped as the aftermath settled, the reality of his situation dawning on him more and more.

He could sense terror in the people around him, he could sense Dean - Dean was unconscious now. The demon that held him had knocked him out. Cas looked up to see the creature had backed away significantly, and rightfully so.

"Give him back!" Castiel shouted and flapped his wings, he didn't know how to fly but he was hoping it'd just come to him like the other things had.

"I've got a better idea," The demon grinned and looked at Dean, his damsel in distress, "How about I don't kill him and you stay there."

Cas arched his wings, he could tell his eyes were glowing; he could do it on purpose now. "Don't test me, monster. Give me my brother back."

"Ah ah ah, no sudden moves, angel, or I'll kill him. You can pick him up in Purgatory." Its last words echoed as it bolted through the sky, Cas tried to go after him but he couldn't figure out his wings. They moved and could flap but he only knocked himself around.

"C'mon!" He cried out in frustration and tried again, "Why won't you  _fly!?"_  He smacked a few demons aside as he nearly threw a temper-tantrum over it. By the time he figured it out the other demon was long gone. Castiel flew over the school and stared after the last demon's trail, he'd lost him. Dean was gone.

 _You can pick him up in Purgatory._  The words scarred his mind and burned into his brain. Purgatory. Where the fuck was Purgatory? He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, what on earth could he do?


	36. Saving Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I write faster than I thought. Everything from this chapter to Christmas is my present to you guys, I'll update them as soon as I'm done - I will replace the file with an edited version from my Beta after it comes in but for now you get the raw version.

Jet tapped his foot as the line seemed to go on forever; Dean's paranoia was starting to make him a little anxious. And not just because something might delay his friends and he wouldn't get their cupcakes, there was a slowly sickening feeling in his stomach. Dean was gone no more than five to ten minutes before something happened, Jet felt the air get colder, almost electric. It was subtle at first but he knew immediately it wasn't normal.

"We need to leave," he told the person ahead of him in line, it happened to be Gordon. Of course the other teen didn't assume Jet was speaking to him, why would he? Hell, Gordon was probably doing his best to pretend Jet wasn't the one standing right behind him. "Yo, Gordon. We have to get out of here, something's about to go down."

"The hell do you mean?" Gordon glanced over his shoulder at him; Jet's expression was stern and lacked any form of humour. Gordon hesitated and stopped the initial outburst he would've made, Jet wasn't fucking around. "Alright... what's the plan?"

"You get these people out of here, I need to find someone." Jet instructed as he turned and ran out of the cafeteria. Maybe it was irresponsible to leave Gordon in charge of getting students and staff out of the cafeteria so Jet could just run off and complete his own agenda. But he knew Gordon was resourceful, if nothing else. The guy was tenacious and if anyone could evacuate the lunch room it was him.

As he bolted toward the hall that would lead to the middle school he felt his hair stand on end, his skin crawled and something in him told him to stop. His life was in danger, he wasn't sure what it was just yet but he might get hurt continuing what he was doing. Jet didn't listen to his gut instinct this time.

And then he heard screaming, people screamed at the tops of their lungs followed by some disturbingly inhuman sounds.  _'An animal? Please be an animal.'_

The roof cracked above him, Jet didn't let himself slow down but he had no choice when something burst through the wall. It was hideous and brought a grimace to his face. "What the fuck!?" He yelled as the monster's mouth snapped at him, attempting to take off his head. Jet kicked it back and scrambled along the wall to pull himself upright and move forward at the same time. His leg felt strained from the effort it'd taken to force it away from him; these things had to be the ones Cas was talking about that morning.

The demon behind him didn't intend to let him off so easily, it snarled out a laugh before following. "C'mere boy, I won't bite!"

Jet glanced back clenched his jaw, its mouth was as wide as its head and if he saw correctly it had a few extra sets of teeth waiting for him. "No thanks pal." He picked up the pace, mind racing on how to get rid of it.

He heard glass breaking in classrooms he passed and as he moved toward Sam's room he felt worse for abandoning the other kids. But he couldn't stop, someone else would have to handle it, the teachers, fucking  _adults_  would have to handle it. He was going after his best friends' little brother and he was going to save that tiny Winchester if it killed him. But in order to do that he'd have to get rid of the monster on his tail. It was quick and he felt it's heavy steps right behind him, all it'd have to do was reach out and he'd be toast.

The ceiling above cracked again but this time it broke through. Jet dove out of the way of falling debris, his hands covering his head as he curled up instinctively. Jet narrowly missed the sharp claws of another demon as it burst through from the second floor. These things were everywhere already and they moved fast. They had come for Cas apparently, but they didn't know exactly where he was. He wasn't sure that the monsters even knew what Cas looked like; all they knew was that an angel had showed up in the school. He wished he knew what kind of beacon they should've been watching out for from the start.

But he didn't have time for that wasn't he being chased?

Jet looked back to see the demon that had been after him had taken a heavy blow from the falling chunks of wood, desks, and people. It wasn't a pretty sight but Jet couldn't linger to admire the creature's misfortune. He had to get Sam first, Dean and Cas would be heading there too but if Jet's intuition was anywhere close to right they wouldn't make it. This whole thing started with Cas, somewhere in the school Dean's paranoia was right and Cas was in trouble. Getting Sam was Jet's responsibility now.

Classrooms poured out, panicked students were everywhere and clogged the halls. Jet had to push his way through and try to spy for Sam in the crowd of kids all about the same height. "Goddamn it!" He cursed and looked over the sea of terrified children, "SAM! Sam where the hell are you, kid!?"

 _"HELP ME!"_  A little girl shrieked a few feet back and Jet had to turn around. The voice belonged to a kid he recognized from Sam's classes, Jess he remembered. She had been lifted up by a demon with several arms that was at least 7 feet tall. Its skin almost looked like it was plastic wrap around muscle and bone, nearly translucent and tight around its skinny body. And it was about to tear this girl in half.

Jet cursed under his breath as he broke the glass over a fire extinguisher. "Hey asshole!" He yelled as loud as he could muster and managed to startle it. It stopped before it got another hand on Jess and looked at him. "Yeah, you." Jet said right before he bashed it in the face with the extinguisher. It stumbled back but he didn't stop, not until he felt something break and lodged the metal container in its skull.

Jess was dropped, its hand loosened as the rest of it fell limp. Jet took a second to breathe now, his arms shook and he pried his fingers from the extinguisher.

"Thank you," she wiped her eyes and looked up at him.

"You're welcome Jess; can you tell me where Sam is?" She would have to know, wouldn't she?

"He was still in the classroom; he said he had homework to finish." Jess pointed down the hall, "At the end there."

Of course it was.

An earthquake shook the school and something incoherent bellowed in response. It sounded big, and if the strained sounds of the building's structure were any indication Jet had a feeling part of the school was about to go missing.

Animalistic shrieks echoed down the halls and outside - then the fire alarm sounded. Jet covered his ears and looked down at Jess who'd done the same, "Get out of here!" He pointed to the closest doors, "If you stay in here something might crush you, get outside!" With some luck she listened immediately, there were some other students and one of the janitors heading that way too, Jet hoped she'd be okay.

As he started running again his stomach twisted in on itself more demons swarmed up from behind him. The screams of his classmates and older students were drowned out by the youngest ones. Another earthquake knocked him off balance, he held himself against a wall with his eyes fixed at the end classroom.

"Come on," he groaned anxiously and pressed to one of the walls. Teachers were trying to get some order going but how could they keep their cool? They were facing deformed monsters, earthquakes, and watching dozens of kids and co-workers die in horrific ways.

The wall of a classroom suddenly broke off and, in its entirety, sailed across the hallway. It flattened several students in its path and crushed whoever was in the way against the far wall. Jet was inches from being another flat decoration, it happened right in front of him before he'd taken another step. His pace stalled and he wound up tripping over the remains of the tragedy. Trying to stay upright didn't work and he found himself flat on his stomach in the gore.

"Oh my god..." Jet choked out the words as he pushed himself up, his front half covered in blood and a number of things he didn't want to think about. His arms felt weak and his legs shook under him, those were just kids. They were Sam's age at best and now they were crushed and flattened and worse. Some of them were somebody's little sibling, they were all someone's baby. That could've been Sam.

Sam. Sam was there too, he was in one of those classrooms or in that hallway. He was in danger, he needed help and Jet didn't see a fucking sign of Dean or Cas.

That was the reason he kept moving. Sam meant so much to his brothers, his parents and to Jet. That was more than enough reason for him to keep going. He was scared, he was petrified of dying but he was even more afraid of losing someone. Losing Sam, Dean, or Cas would hurt more than dying. Maybe not physically but he wouldn't have to exist with that pain if he was the one that died.

He saw Sam's classroom through the carnage ahead, the door was open and there were still some students inside. He couldn't quite see who, though. "Sam!" Jet shouted as he stepped over bodies of children and limbs, he didn't look down to check human or monster. "Sam!"

Just before he reached the door he heard it, "Jet!" Sam was in there. Tears stung his eyes but he fought past them, now wasn't the time. He rushed to the door just in time to see Sam in the arms of a winged demon, its mouth peeled back in a grimace-like grin. The room was half missing; it'd been broken into from the outside like someone had just taken off the wall.

"Sorry Romeo, too late." Its voice sounded a lot like Brady, that weird friend of Sam's. "Sammy's ours now."

"Jet!" Sam was crying, reaching for him. "Please, don't let him take me!"

"Not gonna happen." Jet snarled and ran at it head on; any fear in him fell to the back burner.

Brady's wings arched and in one quick and powerful motion had the two outside. The sudden movement knocked Sam forward over the demon's hand, his head down as Brady started to take off. A few feet in the air, Jet was right behind him but if he couldn't get high enough he'd never get Sam back. There was no way he'd be fast enough or be able to jump that high but he knew of a way that might work. Brady was getting away and he had to be quick.

"I don't fucking think so!" Jet dashed to the nearest tree and jumped to the first branch before climbing up as high as he could. Another demon was heading his way, about to fly past him. Reality and logic would tell him to hide from it but Jet had a different plan. He leapt from the tree and managed catch hold of the demon's side. Its skin was disgusting and felt like sandpaper under his fingers but he held on.

"Get off me, human!" It gargled at him and swatted but he dug his fingers in and crawled up its side, taking a few strikes to the shoulder as he went.

"You're gonna be my ride," he grinned as he made it to the thing's back.

"Get the fuck off!" It flipped around in the air but Jet wouldn't let go. He grabbed parts of its head and pulled, trying to angle it back after Sam. "OW! Fuck ow! Let go of me!" The demon flailed around but its arms were too short, thankfully for Jet.

He twisted the parts he'd taken hold of; he had no idea what the anatomy of these things was. "Go where I fucking tell you to go!"

"Owowowowow okay! Fuck!" It tilted the way Jet angled it to go, finally.

"Now hurry the fuck up, we're going after that one." He held on tightly as he flew through the air. He didn't bother to look down the higher they got, the closer to Brady they were the more concentrated he was. That idiot demon didn't think Jet was going to catch up; he was hovering above the school and probably monologuing to Sam.

Jet knew he couldn't just abandon the one he was controlling; it'd get him back for what he did. So he adjusted their path, held on as tightly as he could, and smashed his demon into Brady from below. The collision knocked Sam right out of the monster's grasp.

Jet let go of his makeshift handles and leaned back, his legs the only thing holding him onto the demon he'd jumped. As Sam flew through the air they reached for each other, it felt like one of those dramatic movie scenes and honestly probably looked like one. Their hands touched, Jet had caught Sam's hand but it slipped through his grasp.

"JET!" The terror in Sam's voice had nothing on his expression and it nearly gave him a heart attack. He wasn't going to let Sam go. This wasn't all he was fucking capable of; Sam was not going down alone.

He didn't hesitate to kick off his ride and dive after Sam. With Sam's body spread out and acting as more wind resistance than Jet had, he managed to catch up. Jet latched hold of Sam's forearm and dragged the pre-teen into his arms, "I've got you." he tucked Sam in close and rested his head against the top of Sam's; he repeated "I've got you..." He felt Sam's hands grip his shirt and even pinched part of his skin.

The air flew past them and Jet finally realized how high up they'd gotten. He looked down to see part of the school destroyed - the cafeteria looked like it was crushed and sunk into an enormous hole. What the fuck made that hole!? The ground was stained red, he could see chunks of bodies strewn around and- what was that?

A bright light glowed beneath them, almost directly below it flashed and spread out like wings.  _'Those_ _ **are**_ _wings!'_  His eyes lit up, "CAS! CAS UP HERE!"

Sam wriggled and looked down, "Oh my god, is that Cas!?" He exclaimed as they both saw the being's head angle their way. Eyes, mouth, and nose flashing light through them like there was a sun inside a skull, that had to be Castiel.

Beautiful wings flapped and thrust him upward, arms open to catch them. Jet braced for the impact but Cas managed to slow it by stopping and falling a little with them. He held them tightly and took off from there, away from the school and the demons.

"What happened?!" Sam cried, never letting go of Jet's shirt.

Cas was silent. Jet's stomach felt like it'd turned into a knotted ball of nerves, part of him knew not to ask but he had to. "Where's Dean? Why are we leaving without him?"

Castiel looked at him and Jet realized how wet his friend's face was, the light died down and vanished altogether. Cas was crying. Something happened to Dean.


	37. Family Safety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! When I first started writing this is was actually several months before I published anything, I wrote on over 70 double sided papers outlining the story I would type out. When I finally got time to put it on the computer the edits I made changed many parts of what was going to originally happen. A lot of things didn't happen. For example; Jet wasn't going to be their friend. He was going to be someone they had fun with in kindergarten but grew apart from. Also I was going to time skip straight from Sam's birth to Castiel being 16 years old.

 

They landed outside of the Winchester home, Cas questioned the intelligence of that move but he couldn't think of anywhere else to go. The demons hadn't followed him; they stayed behind and watched him go. It probably had something to do with him smiting the big one, but he wouldn't let his guard down.

"What's going on?" Sam went to hug him the moment he got the chance, little arms wrapped around his middle. Cas placed a hand on his little brother's shoulder and exhaled heavily, Sam had gone through so much in the last hour alone it broke his heart. Those big eyes that were so full of hope and excitement that morning were terrified and shaken.

"I'm so sorry, Sam." he knelt down and hugged him back, "This is all my fault."

"Don't give him that shit, Cas." Jet snarked from behind him, Cas couldn't hold his temper down.

"This  _whole_  thing is because of me!" He'd stood up straight and went nose to nose with Jet, something he'd learned from his friend to begin with. Jet was taller than him but Cas didn't care, his eyes flickered with light as he spoke and that made up for the height difference, "You don't understand what this feels like! You don't understand what I'm going through! All these monsters, demons, and whatever are coming after me, they're coming for me and attack wherever I am. These people died today because  _I was there_. That's it, that's the only reason. You don't understand how hard that is!" He wasn't sure if the tears had ever stopped but they felt like they were falling even harder now. "Children are dead! Kids Sam's age are dead; people that  _we knew_  are gone! All because I stayed here! I knew it would happen, I knew people would be hurt because of me but I stayed! I stayed because I'm weak; I couldn't do this on my own and now look! My family needs me to be here but what about the other families!? The parents of all the kids that died today!? What the fuck do I tell them, Jet?! What can I fucking tell them!"

Jet didn't flinch, didn't look away, he just held Cas' gaze and let him vent. Castiel didn't realize how angry he was until he cursed into his friend's face like that, hell he was sounding a little like Jet himself.

"I'm... I'm so sorry." Cas covered his mouth and stepped back, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that. I'm just so..." he choked on a sob and turned away as the front door opened.

"Cas?" Mary's voice was shaking and she felt incredibly concerned. He looked up at her, his wings curled in a little closer to him. "Baby, oh my god!" Mary took a few quick steps and pulled her son into her arms, somehow easily finding a way to hug him despite the new addition to his spine. "Cas are you okay?" She mumbled the words as she kissed the top of his head and looked him over for injuries.

"No." He looked down and closed his eyes, tears burning behind his eyelids. "But... but Dean's not..." He couldn't say it. Dean's not here. I lost him. Dean's gone. Dean isn't coming back on his own. He's in purgatory. Dean might be dead.

Dean might be dead.

Castiel's heart pounded heavily and he felt like throwing up all over again. "Oh god..." he covered his mouth and dropped his head against her shoulder. "Mom," he cried, his hands finding a way to hold onto her, cling to her shirt, press against her shoulder blade, whatever fastened him in one place. "Mom he's gone." The words were like poison and the fell out of him by breaking his voice, cracking it like only an emotional breakdown could do. "A demon took him."

Jet groaned and dropped his face into his hands, "If it's not one Winchester it's another."

Sam didn't say anything but he wasn't lacking in emotion. He stared up at Castiel, tears in his eyes from before, maybe they were new Cas didn't know. "Dean's dead?" He whispered and Castiel shook his head.

"No." He said softly but he couldn't push back Sam's expectant gaze. Sam's emotions were pure, uncorrupted and innocent. But most of all they were strong. He watched Cas with a look that asked everything he could have ever spoken aloud. And it was in that second, that moment of a small boy's single gaze that Castiel realized how much trust was placed in him. Sam believed in him, whatever needed to be done Sam believed he could do it. Cas didn't understand it, where that blind faith came from, but it seeped into his soul. If anyone could handle it, if anyone could manage this it was him. His eyes narrowed and he stepped away from his mom and looked at his family carefully.

"I need you to stay safe," he explained seriously, "I have to find someone but you don't need to be part of this."

"Cas-" Jet protested but Castiel raised a hand to silence him.

"No Jet, don't say a word. I know you want me to stay, you want to help but I am the only one that can do this." He insisted, he knew his face was stained with tears and blood and dirt but his eyes were steady. Cas couldn't make Jet understand but he could at least do his best to reassure his friend.

"And what are you going to do then, huh? Who are you looking for? Where's Dean at? What are you going to do when you find out? Cas there are too many questions, you can't just waltz around with those things after you!" Jet wasn't going to just let him go, Cas was glad he'd at least explained a little to Jet about what was happening earlier that day.

"I'm going to find Death, and as for where Dean is… they told me he'd be waiting in Purgatory." Castiel spread his wings and continued to back away from them, "Jet, please explain to them what I told you this morning. Mom, Sam, I love you." His nose pinched up as determination ran through him, "I'm going to get Dean back." And that was it; he flapped his wings and took off to the skies again. He was lucky they were strong enough to get him airborne with one move otherwise he wasn't sure how he'd do it.

"Goddamn it Cas!" He heard Jet screaming at him from below but he didn't stop, "You said you'd stay!" Cas bit his lower lip and continued, he remembered he said he'd try.

Trying wasn't good enough anymore.

* * *

 

Jet stared at the sky where he'd last seen Cas' glow, his limbs stiff and his jaw tense. "Fuck." He swore and looked back at Mary and Sam; she held onto her son tightly and was doing her best not to cry.

"Jet, what's happening?" She asked solemnly, "What did he tell you?"

"I'm sure you noticed the wings?" He laughed irritably as he gestured up and somewhere behind him. She nodded, Mary's eyes held something more than just concern. She looked like she had an idea of what Castiel might be. "He's an angel, he told me that last night Death spoke to him and explained some shit. First off that he's not human, that demons are coming after him and he has to survive because he needs to unseal heaven."

Sam gawked, "No way! I knew Cas was special but that's crazy! Why isn't Death helping?"

"Not his department, I guess." Jet sneered, not at Sam but at the general situation. "So anyway, yeah, that's what's going on."

"How's he supposed to unseal heaven? He's just a baby," Mary covered her mouth and looked up, "Why does he have to do it? What's going on up there?"

"I'm surprised you're not more surprised," Jet raised an eyebrow at her, not sure she completely let the whole thing sink in.

"Oh, after what I saw happen to my father and what I've seen Cas do I'd have to be an awfully silly person to not believe what I'm hearing now." She offered a smile but Jet didn't buy it. "Could you explain it a little more in detail?"

"Sure, but we should get to John first – I don't want to explain it a thousand times." He whipped out his phone and dialed John's work, a number he'd learned to keep in his contacts despite it not being his father.

" _John Winchester speaking."_

"Hey, it's Jet. I got some news for you and you're not gonna like it. We need you to get home."

John was quiet for a second, but only about a second. He only considered what it meant that Jet was calling, not his wife or kids, for a moment before he replied,  _"I'll be right there."_

"Thanks." Jet glanced back in the direction the school was, the way Cas went. It was a decent ways away from them on the outskirts of town; he could only imagine what it was like further in. "Be careful." He added before hanging up. "So dad's on his way, let's get inside before any of those gremlins see us out here."

They went indoors to do just that, listening for the Impala. Sam went to the window but Jet closed the curtains before he got to it. "Point of going inside, Sam, they'll see you."

"They don't know I'm Cas' brother, do they?"

"I'd rather assume they know than think they don't and get a shitty surprise." Jet smiled and ruffled up Sam's hair, it was soft.

As they set up the house for a bit of a lockdown Mary caught Jet's arm, "You've really taken charge, thank you. But it's okay, you don't have to do this alone."

Jet smiled and hugged her without a second thought, "I know, if I thought for a second I was alone I don't think I'd make it." He mumbled with a laugh, her hand brushed over his head like he was one of hers. "Do you think Cas can do this?"

"I don't know what he all has to do but if anyone can, it's him." She sighed lightly and gave the top of his head a kiss. "Don't worry."

Sam rushed over and climbed into the hug as best he could, though his arms were mostly around Jet. "Thank you," Jet barely heard it but it was there. "You saved me; I didn't get a chance to thank you."

"You're welcome," Jet smiled and hugged him back.

"Thank you," Mary reiterated seriously, her eyes catching Jet's.

"Yeah, you're welcome." He felt a little out of place for a second. He was worried, about Dean, about Cas, about everything happening around them. It dawned on him he should probably give his mom a call, let her know he made it out of the school alive.

While they waited for John, Mary went to turn on the TV. Breaking news had taken over many stations and showed scenes from the high school. Mary covered her mouth at the scene, she couldn't believe that her babies were caught up in that. Jet stood beside the couch, his arms folded over his chest and his leg bouncing up and down anxiously. His eyes were fixed on the screen, seeing what he'd somehow managed to escape from.

Sam sat beside his mom, transfixed like the other two but his expression remained more neutral than theirs. "It's awful." He muttered, Mary put her arm around him and hugged him close. She really could have lost him.

"How on earth did you get out of that?" She asked more rhetorically but Sam obliged an answer.

"Jet jumped on a demon and flew after me, it was pretty cool." He smiled over at Jet who couldn't help but crack a grin.

"When you say it like that I sound ridiculous."

"You kind of are, a little." Sam looked back at the TV, "But I like you that way."

Jet didn't get the chance to acknowledge that comment or the heat in his face, the Impala had torn into the drive way and John rushed inside.

"I was listening to the radio, is everyone okay!?" He didn't bother removing his coat or shoes or anything, he just ran into the living room. "Where are Cas and Dean?"

"Dean's in Purgatory, demons took him. Cas went after them." Jet answered first, knowing full well how crazy it kind of sounded.

John looked at him then to Mary who nodded. "That's what he said, John. Cas dropped these two off, asked Jet to explain for him and… flew away."

"On wings." John clarified though it wasn't a question; Jet had to wonder how John knew.

"Yes…" She looked down guiltily, "I'm sorry for not believing you, John."

"What?" Jet raised an eyebrow, Sam mimicked his expression perfectly.

John sighed and shook his head, "When Castiel was placed in my car as an infant the man flew away, enormous wings. I was pretty sure Cas was an angel. Guess I wasn't wrong."

"No you weren't, Death came and spoke to Cas last night and told him a bunch of shit." Jet couldn't believe the number of secrets in this family. "He told him that Cas is an angel, that heaven and hell are frozen and it's Cas' job to fix it."

"How is he supposed to do that?" John asked with some serious frustration in his voice.

"He didn't tell me." Jet shrugged, wishing he had more information. "But I've got a feeling it's got something to do with going there. When he talked to me he said he had no idea how to get there, so whatever he has to do it's not on Earth."

"And what about the demons?" John continued, "Why are they here if hell's frozen?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. Death told Cas demons would be coming for him, but if he said more Cas hasn't told me."

Sam scrunched up his nose, "Maybe when hell froze over not all the demons were there? Like Cas is still moving but he's an angel."

"Makes about as much sense as the rest of this, why not?" Jet snorted.

John looked thoughtful for a moment and shook his head, "Then why did they take Dean…?"

"To get Cas to follow them. My guess is they want hell open first." Sam answered that time, Jet forgot the kid was smart sometimes.

"Right," John nodded and looked at Mary, "Call the Singer's, we're heading over there."

Mary went right to the phone, much to Jet's confusion. "The Singer's? You mean like Bobby and Karen? Why would we go over there?"

"They've got a bunker for emergencies. If these monsters are going to use Cas' family as leverage then I'm going to get the rest of us out of the way." John went upstairs, "Get your things, Sam."

Jet ran a hand through his hair and looked at his phone, sending a message might do nothing but it was the best he had. He sent a message to his mom, then both Dean and Cas. For his mom he told her he was safe and to call him if she wanted to know where he was. For the other two it went something more like;

_Hey, your family's safe in a bunker. Lucky your dad knows such a good Singer._

If their phones wouldn't stay in their hands at least there was a chance they'd know what happened and where everyone was.


	38. Take Care of Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone. I'm sorry this chapter was late, I'm sure you can forgive me a little I hope. Love you all and best of luck in the new year!
> 
> Fun fact part 2! Obviously I wouldn't start writing Jet without him being part of the story so what was his original purpose? Well he was going to be a form of competition for Cas; Dean was going to have a crush on Jet because Cas was his brother and so on. It was going to be a problem for Cas etc. but as I wrote I couldn't separate Jet, his personality wouldn't stand for it after the things they went through together – even if Dean or Cas accidentally insulted his family. So Jet has wound up where he is, the dumb bastard.

 

The skies had darkened since that morning; clouds overhead were normal but not the kind that Cas was seeing. The world below him was shrouded and ahead of him was starting to look like more of a haze. He wasn't used to flying, he wasn't used to his wings but luckily enough the ability seemed to come to him like all the others. Healing people by accident, healing himself, glowing eyes and losing sleep, all of it just came to him whether he wanted it or not. Every now and then he faltered; he'd get confused and wind up flapping ridiculously through the air until he levelled out again.

It felt good to be in the skies, though. It was a freedom he'd sought for so long without really knowing it. All those minutes turned to hours staring out a window, up at the free air high above him made so much sense now. And what a difference it was, being on the ground with no responsibility but wishing you could be up there. Compared to what he had now, it sounded like a daydream. He could fly but the weight on his shoulders altered him.

How much would he change? When this knowledge Death spoke of developed in him, what would it do? An angel would have knowledge of the world, of the universe, of beings that he previously knew nothing about; would he still be the same? Or would those things have to come with time and the only knowledge he'd receive would be of his own physical body, the ability to control it and all the powers he'd have? How much responsibility did an angel have?

Cas shook the thoughts from his head and angled down toward the ground, he was closing in on the school. From above it was a horrific sight; the ground was caved in, the school partially crushed with walls and chunks of roof missing in several areas. But the worst part was the wash of red he could see. The demons painted the yard with bodies, bodies of students, teachers, and passers-by. It was a massacre and he felt like he wanted to throw up, but this was the perfect place to find the grim reaper.

The area was quieter now; demons had taken off – probably because their prey wasn't hanging around. Cas landed and took in the carnage, just looked at it and let his heart sink with it. He wanted to save them. He wanted to resurrect them like he had Dean, to get them to walk again like Nikki. And why couldn't he? This disaster didn't have to stay the way it was, he didn't need to leave them.

As he reached for someone a familiar hand caught his arm, "Don't do it." Meg was standing next to him now; he was almost too scared to look at her face. She had a much stronger presence than he remembered, she wasn't hiding anymore.

"Why not?" He asked angrily, still looking at the turned over corpse but not moving any closer to it. He was close to healing them, fixing them and his mistake. They wouldn't be dead if he hadn't been there…

"Death wouldn't appreciate it." Meg walked around him and wandered aimlessly in his vicinity. "He's a busy guy, and when you mess up his work it takes him longer to finish. I mean, you healed Dean a few times already I can imagine he isn't too happy with you."

Cas frowned and glanced down at the person in front of him, maybe that was why he couldn't see Death anywhere. Was he not planning to help? Over something Cas knew so little about? No, that couldn't be it. But maybe he wouldn't need Death.

"Meg…" Cas lifted his head to look at her, from behind he could see the shape she should've had mixed in with her human form. She could hold herself as a human girl but that wasn't what she was. "Why? Why have you been around me all this time?"

"Can't I just like hanging out with you?" She mused coyly.

"You know what I mean. Demons are trying to catch me but you…" He trailed off, what had she done? She saved him and Dean, gave him the distraction they needed to run. She stood up for him against her own kind. The situation was difficult enough to understand without someone switching sides part way through.

"Don't seem to fit the same bill, do I?" She smirked and he nodded.

"What are you here to do?"

"My mission was to find you," Meg sighed and sat on a half destroyed table in the front of the school. "My family was part of the remaining demons on Earth, when it all sealed up one day. There had been an angel sighting in this town just before it all happened so we stationed ourselves here. Several demons took up different jobs, took over different hosts in the hopes we'd find what that angel left – theory was that heaven had a new fledgling."

Castiel rose to his feet and turned to face her, "You didn't attack me in the end, are you… on my side?" He was hopeful and her expression didn't make him feel any differently.

"You're the only one who can open heaven and hell…" Meg was looking down, her eyes on the ground and the scattered limbs of people she might've known. "And at the moment… you're the only one who can redeem a soul."

Cas stopped his train of thought right then and there, she gazed up at him in silence and for the first time he understood her. She was ordered to find him and drag him with her to open the gates but she didn't want that. "How long have you felt this way?"

"I didn't know it was you at first, I just thought you were some dumb guy and the normal girl thing to do was try and go out with you or something. Bela and Lisa liked Jet and Dean so obviously you were the leftovers for me." She rolled her eyes and laughed at it, "Stupid, that's what it is. Like it's the only thing I can do as a girl to fit in, I have to like a guy and try to date him and I can't be pushy about it… it's complicated, especially if that boy turns out to be the angel you were looking for."

"Sounds rough."

She grinned; he knew if she'd been right next to him he would've received a punch to the shoulder or something similar. "Yeah, I guess. Your situation hasn't been too easy, has it?" Meg paused and made eye contact with him, "You came here to ask something, didn't you?"

"I was looking for Death," he realized how it sounded the moment it left his lips so he quickly added; "the horseman."

"I know who," Meg laughed at him, it felt natural but their surroundings made him ill. Maybe it suited her once but the Meg he knew didn't look right laughing among corpses. "Like I said, he's been busy, what do you need to know?"

Her words and the way she said it made him think twice about where Death might've gone. The grim reaper wasn't around, though Cas didn't always see him he expected Death to at least be at a massacre. Maybe the demons were keeping him away.

"How do I get to Purgatory?" Castiel decidedly didn't doubt her, whatever her reasons for being there in the start weren't part of her anymore. Whatever reason Death couldn't show up wasn't in her agenda, she just knew about it. She'd saved him and Dean, and that was all he needed to worry about.

"Why?" She raised an eyebrow at him, her eyes skeptically glancing him over.

"That's where they took Dean." He felt his heart break a little more as he said it. "I don't know what they want from me; they assume I have this angel thing down…"

"Well you  _did_  manage to kill the biggest guy we had on the surface." She joked a little but Cas didn't offer a smile for it. "My guess is that they knew they couldn't drag you to hell's gate so they'd have to force you to do it on your own."

Cas squinted at her, "Why haven't the demons unsealed hell already? Shouldn't you guys be able to do it?"

"We thought so too but it has to be an angel, and not a fallen one. Your Daddy really pulled a number on us; we thought we had Him for sure." She stood up again and walked up to him, "Getting into Purgatory is the easy part. Demons can get you inside from here but as far as I know there are only two ways to get out;" she lifted her index finger closer to her face, "the first is with the help of a reaper."

"A reaper? You mean Death?"

She shrugged, "Sort of. Death is  _the_  reaper but he has others that work for him. Kind of like angels follow God, or demons follow Lucifer; reapers follow Death."

"I think I get it, and what's the second way?"

"Through Hell." Meg's smile helped him understand a little better how the slaughter around them suited her. "There's a backdoor into the deepest level of Hell. Once you cross that threshold you unseal it, but then you have to make it out of there, all the way up."

Castiel sighed heavily and tried to prepare himself, "I need to do it." He ignored the voice in his head not to. It told him to unseal Heaven first, that the smartest move was to get the angels before waking the rest of the demons. But he couldn't do it that way; they'd kill Dean before anyone could reach him.

Meg bit the inside of her cheek; her expression was disapproving at best. "Cas, you know that if you do this you might die." She didn't want him to go, she didn't want to lose him but he couldn't do what she wanted, not that time.

"I have to, if I don't do it now then Dean's going to be-"his tongue stopped working and his chest ached instantly. He did his best not to pay attention to the memory of a bloody Christmas. "It doesn't matter. Dean's going to live, I'll save him."

"Okay then…" She walked around in front of him and lifted her hand, "I'll open it for you but I'm not coming with you."

Castiel smiled and touched her arm gently, "I was actually going to ask you a favour."

Meg's eyes lit up and she blinked at him curiously, "What the hell for?"

"Could you please look after my family while I'm away? I know things will get crazy, I'm sure I don't even understand it yet myself, but I'd really appreciate it."

The simple act of trusting her with that task nearly brought a tear to her eyes. Cas could sense her for the first time; she wavered in that brick wall that blocked him from her mentally. It meant a great deal to her that he'd even think to say it, let alone actually asking her.

"Yeah," she shrugged it off, her barrier back up. "They're probably with Jet so I wouldn't worry. That guy rode a demon to chase down another demon, just to save Sam."

Cas paused and stared at her, "Is that how he got up so high?"

"Yep." She laughed, a short sound that came off a little awkward. He stepped forward and hugged her; she froze up in his arms.

"I'll be okay," he didn't know if that was a lie or not, but he meant to be alright at the end of it all. "You'll be okay, too."

Meg hugged him back and dropped her head against his shoulder, "Just get out of here, you idiot." She smiled and shoved him backward.

Cas thought he'd touch ground but he didn't. She and the world around him vanished in a rushing noise, like an underwater current that just swept him away.


	39. Purgatory

Nothing. For the longest time he felt he was falling but he saw nothing, there was darkness all around him and if it weren't for the feeling of vertigo he would've thought he'd died. Castiel stared up, down, left, right, he didn't know which way and he began to think that it didn't matter. What mattered was what he'd find when everything finally came to a halt. Cas flapped his wings but felt no resistance, like air wasn't a factor in that space. What kind of weird void was it he'd so willingly sought out? And how did Dean make it through so easily?

The best Cas could hope for was that when the demon sent Dean to Purgatory it hadn't gone in with him, like Meg hadn't followed. If Dean were with a demon the situation would've been the worst case, which was what Cas had expected. If Dean were just tossed in he'd have a better chance of not being killed at the demons' will. Cas didn't want to hope for a 'best scenario' but it lingered in his head. Maybe everything would be okay.

It was a ridiculous thought; he didn't have the means to fix everything the way a full-fledged angel could. And for that matter he didn't even know what a complete angel was capable of, what they knew or expected of him or anything like that.

But right then wasn't the time to worry about it, the world around him lit up and he readied himself for what might come. His heart raced and all he could hope for was Dean. Just let him land close to his brother, that was the most he prayed for. The rest he could handle, the rest he'd figure out but just let Dean be alive and for him to be close by.

The world opened up in a flash of light and Castiel found himself tumbling through a grey sky. The colours of the plane were de-saturated, trees were closer to black than brown and everything seemed to have more contrast than it should have. He wasn't as high up as he would have expected but he could still get a decent look around. The landscape stretched far in every direction, it was like a wilderness similar to the ones on Earth but it felt wrong. He could see that the rock formations weren't natural, there were cracks in the ground for a river to dwell but it was still. He couldn't see Dean from there. Cas tried to find his bearings better than he had them, he was falling too fast and still spinning. He arched his wings and did his best to hover in place – he wasn't quite there yet in skill. He wound up falling through trees and breaking branches until he hit the ground. Graceful as ever.

Castiel pushed himself up as soon as he was able, the initial pain faded fast. He lifted his head and looked around; a disturbing tingle crept through his skin as he realized he couldn't hear anything. At least not at first. There was a sound that slowly reached his ears, it was the sound of people talking, crying, screaming all at once in the distance. He slowly rose to his feet, his ears burning and his chest starting to ache. There was so much anxiety in that place and it didn't rest, it just rose and rose higher than the last passing seconds. Cas closed his eyes and hoped to let go of it, hoped to ignore it but the sound wouldn't ease.

"It's dreadful, isn't it?" That was a voice that Cas knew, he turned to see Death standing next to him, the elderly man's expression made of stone. He seemed to fit in this place.

"What is that?" Cas dared to ask, he felt no need to question Death about the number of things he'd been fighting in his own head. Asking about angels and his own power wouldn't bring him any help in the long run.

"Those are the souls waiting judgment." Death sighed and let the sound linger around them, somehow amplifying it for Castiel to really hear them. He could hear the pleas for forgiveness, the angry words and thoughts that festered into worse, and the dismal mourning of the ones who had given up. "Some have been here for 16 years, waiting for Heaven or Hell to open to them. Purgatory is the space between a life on Earth and the eternal resting place; with the gates to both resting places closed it's become rather crowded in here."

Castiel nodded, he'd heard once that Purgatory was the place for final purification, for those who didn't immediately make it to Heaven. "So is that why only reapers and demons can come here?"

"My reapers work from here; they should be the only ones passing from Earth to Purgatory. However, there is a passage to Hell; no human is ever thrown directly into the pit after death, unless they've made previous arrangements. Since this door exists between Hell and Purgatory some demons take the scenic route." Death started walking and Cas found himself instinctually following. "Every now and then there have been living humans tossed in here, they attract attention."

Cas wasn't sure what to say so he just walked behind the older being, he was anxious and the feeling of the world around him didn't help. The sound of people didn't stop so he just tried to get used to it. That wasn't entirely possible either.

The scenery started to blend into itself for Castiel, he didn't care to differentiate, all he wanted to know was one thing. His words caught in his throat as his nerves burned at the tips. "Have you seen Dean?" He finally asked, unsure of how long it'd taken him to do it. It could've been an hour, it could've been seconds, he didn't know.

"Pay attention and you'll notice him." Death repeated and Cas felt like screaming. He felt like turning into the teenager that he was – that he believed he was – and throwing a fit. It didn't happen but it boiled in his mind.

Pay attention? To what? He looked around but saw nothing different. "I can't see anything and everything feels the same-"

"You're blocking it out," the interruption came with a calm tone, as if the horseman were speaking to a bug. "Until recently you've done nothing to further your abilities by just waiting for them to occur, and that goes for your senses as well. You need to focus, Castiel. He is here." Death turned to look at him sternly, "But I advise that you leave immediately. I'll open a way for you now; you cannot pass through Hell first."

Cas shook his head, "I need to get Dean, this can't wait. Won't you just help me find him? We can leave your way after that-"

"I am not here to babysit you through this, Castiel. Make your choice now; I don't have time to waste."

Death wasn't joking and Cas knew that a being as old as the horseman would have more important things to take care of. The balance of the world wasn't something so easily trifled with and Castiel couldn't just demand that come with him; it was selfish. "I'm sorry," he lowered his head to the ancient one and closed his eyes. He couldn't leave Dean, he'd never forgive himself. "I won't leave my brother." Cas defied Death with those words alone and the horseman nodded silently and left him without a word.

Castiel stood alone then, the sounds of the world around him pushing on his mind but he had no normal means to know where Dean had gone. The beings of Purgatory were human once, they had lived and now they waited in a hellish limbo that wouldn't open the gates and no angel was coming to pick them up.

Blocking it out… These were people and he was pushing them away from his mind. Could he handle it if he opened up? Cas wasn't sure but he had to do something. Dean's voice was mixed up with the rest, he was sure Dean would become clear to him if he just listened. But to listen risked madness, it was a dangerous plan to let the cries of Purgatory and all the dead into his mind. But he had no other choices. Dean needed him.

'I'm coming.' He repeated to himself, his wings stretched out and arched up, ready to fly at any moment. Taking off wasn't his forte but to get to Dean he'd figure it out. Cas readied his mind and opened up to the outcry of the world around him. It was like a flood inside his head; a tidal wave of sound crashed into him and wracked his body with the intention of sending him over the deep end. If he'd opened his eyes he wouldn't have been able to register sight, all he could see was the darkness and the anguish of the people around him. The strongest feelings were those of the people who'd been there longest. He heard it over and over again; an angel's come! An angel's come for us! An angel an angel an angel!

He covered his ears but knew that wouldn't help, Cas fought the urge to push them back out. He had to listen to them, he couldn't push it away. The weight of the screams and people reaching out to him started to push him down, stretching the edges of his mind and past where he thought he'd ever get.

'I'm going to go insane.' He thought anxiously. 'I'll lose my mind before I ever find him. Dean where are you? Dean call out to me, please. I can't hear you.'

"Cas!"

That was it. Castiel lifted his head as his vision started to clear, his heart beating faster, "Dean!" He shouted out loud and in his mind, he wasn't fully certain which one would reach first.

"Cas help me! Where the hell am I? What's going on?"

Louder than all the rest, he could hear Dean clearest of all the other voices. "I'm coming." He repeated again and pushed off with his wings, the force propelled him up like a rocket. He tried to orient himself and go the right way, it took some flapping of his wings and angling of his body but he got the hang of it. It wasn't the most heroic and amazing of take-offs but it was pretty good all the same. He'd count that one as a success.

The ground below him seemed to blur together as he flew, he could feel Dean now. He'd found him and zeroed in, Dean's light was the brightest and the only one that was alive. His soul was calling now, it pulsed through the air, a rhythmic beat like a heart except Cas could see it. He could feel it and that was more than enough for him to find his brother.

Dean wasn't close, though. The forest below him spread on for miles and the landscapes started to repeat themselves. He swore he'd seen the same mountain pass by three times – but Dean's position changed. Castiel frowned and looked around, had he even moved? Glancing down showed him a different patch of ground, so yes he'd been moving. Dean was getting closer too, but the land formations barely changed at all.

Castiel decided that it wasn't worth worrying about and continued on without stopping.

When he was close he heard his brother even clearer than before, Dean couldn't be far. The clearing the trees below him was probably where he was – and Cas was certain of that fact when he made it overhead. There were souls everywhere, people were wandering aimlessly in the vicinity but many were following Dean around. He was fending them off but he'd nearly cornered himself with a large rock formation in the center.

Cas dove down, he wasn't sure how it'd work or how he'd land but he dropped to the surface like a descending javelin. His wings spread out and he shouted ahead, "Get away from him!"

Dean looked up, wide eyes terrified and on the verge of crying. "Cas!"

He touched down to the ground; his landing was heavy and sent a shockwave out from where he stood. Dean was already leaning against the stone behind him; the wave pressed him back but didn't do any damage. The other souls around them went flying, giving them some space.

"I'm sorry," Cas went right to Dean's side, "I'm so sorry, Dean!" he collapsed against his brother, his legs felt weak and his head pounded from Purgatory's cries. "I didn't mean to let you go, I didn't-"

"It's okay," Dean hugged him, Dean's arms were shaking and his posture was tired at best. "It's okay, Cas. We're alright now." Dean had been so afraid; Cas could still feel the remnants of it as it faded away. Dean's thoughts were focusing more on Castiel, he was relieved and he was happy. Dean believed in him, that Cas was safety. Maybe he was right, but that's not how Cas saw it. He'd brought down a calamity to his family and he was going to bring so much worse very soon.

"No… not yet." He sighed and tried to straighten up, feeling embarrassed to just drop himself on Dean like that. "We need to get out first."

"Well," Dean touched his chin and lifted his head, their eyes met and Cas forgot the headache that had formed in his mind. "We're together now, that's the least we can ask for, right?"

Cas didn't have the heart to tell him they'd have to go through hell, but he knew he'd need to eventually. "Right," he smiled the best he could; there was an urge in his mind and body to just kiss Dean. The relief of the moment, to see Dean alive was overwhelming. Cas leaned forward and kissed his brother's cheek instead. "I'm glad you're okay," he whispered.

He felt Dean smile and the odd rush of determination in Dean's being. Cas didn't have a moment to comprehend it, he could only be swept up in Dean's arms again and remain stunned when their lips connected. Cas didn't dare move, fearing it'd end and terrified he'd ruin it. Dean went for a deeper kiss immediately, he was so happy to see Cas that planning and a 'mood' didn't matter. At least not this time.

Cas melted into it when he realized Dean wasn't going to let go of him. Dean's hand had braced the back of his head and held him still – Cas couldn't go anywhere. The souls around them had moved in but Cas didn't notice them, his mind had gone blank and he heard nothing but his own heartbeat. It was a sweet sound and it mixed with the pulse of Dean's soul, Castiel felt at ease. What was coming his way, the mess that they'd go home to and the hell he'd release he would take head on. That was the best he could do. He'd defied Death, he'd said no to going back to Earth and travelling up to Heaven so the least he could do was to get him and Dean out of Purgatory alive.

Dean broke the kiss gently, their lips slowly peeling apart, skin damp and trying to cling to the other person. Cas blinked a few times, his mind still not sure he was seeing Dean so close to him, still not sure if what had just happened was real. "Dean," he breathed the name like it was the air he used to need. "We need to go, we don't have time here."

"Yeah I know - we'll talk about it later though."

"Of course," Cas wished he could force the redness from his cheeks.

Dean smiled and looked at the hordes of souls, none daring to betray an angel – the only being they'd seen that resembled anything of Heaven. "So… we walking out of here?"

"No." Cas knew Dean was afraid of heights and flying but he didn't have time to help with that fear. What he wanted to know was what was up with the formation that Dean was crowded by. It was strangely set up and by what he could tell the souls wouldn't get as close as they could to it. Some didn't care but there were many who refused.

The demons wouldn't have dropped Dean off just anywhere, they wanted Cas to find the gates, they wanted Cas to crawl through Hell. He looked down at his feet, engravings etched there were faded and weathered but somehow he could read them. Nothing about it could be translated into English tongue, he couldn't even think the words but the message was clear enough; he was at the gates already.

"Well maybe we will…" He hooked his arm around Dean's lower back and lifted his hand to where the writing told him to.

He could hear something beyond the stones as he rested his hand on the cold surface. The air around him pulsed and vibrated. He could feel nearly every molecule and it was the strangest thing he could've imagined. The seal that had been put in place dissolved by his touch, it evaporated around him and shook with everything else.

"Cas?" Dean asked worriedly but the sound was swept away with a flash of light and white noise.

The world fell away from them, it melted into itself and Cas knew by the sudden wash of nothingness that they were passing through the gate. All light was gone and no sound could be heard. For a few seconds he'd lost his senses, he could see, couldn't hear, smell or taste anything – and then he couldn't feel. He knew Dean was still with him, he knew but he questioned it. Cas held his ground against the numbness until it faded again like a limb waking from sleep.

"Dean," he whispered, hearing his own voice this time. "Dean are you okay?"

Silence followed and Cas panicked for a moment until he could feel the shift of Dean's body against his.

"I'm gonna puke." Dean gurgled anxiously and Cas felt light-hearted enough to laugh quietly.

"Welcome to Hell, Dean." He gave his brother a reassuring squeeze and Dean elbowed him in the ribs for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys. I'm trash :P


	40. Treachery and Fraud

Entering Hell was the first step and it seemed to pass by with nothing. While his senses had returned to him Cas couldn't figure out where he was. Everything became a vacuum of confusion, direction wasn't an easy thing to locate and even if he was lucky enough to do so he wasn't sure which way was out in the first place.

What he did know, though, was that the clock had begun ticking. Hell was unsealed and Earth was undoubtedly swarming now. Cas didn't know how long it'd take them to get out but he prayed it'd end better than he expected.

Darkness was the first thing that Castiel could really remember noticing. He could see, but it was dark all around him. Dean clung hard to his side and realizing that was when he noticed the sense of weightless falling. He was certain he'd been flying but that wasn't entirely what it felt like; not that he could trust his senses in a place like that, though. Cas kept a strong grip on his brother and tried to propel them in any direction, hoping something would give him a clue.

He could sense almost nothing, it was like the world was dead and he and Dean were the only ones inside. He was hopeful in imagining that Hell had somehow perished in the short time it'd been cut off from reality, but he knew it couldn't be true. Something was slowly pounding to life around them, Hell was waking up from a deep sleep and all that Cas could do was hold on to Dean. His heart drummed with the reviving pulse, each soul damned to a new eternity. It was cruel to wake them, to bring them back to torture all because he wanted his brother back. But Cas knew he'd make the same choice again.

In no way did he believe he was worthy of being an angel, he never once thought his motives were just and that he was the selfless being he should've been. He was selfish, a decade and a half on Earth brought him up that way and he wasn't planning on changing it. Given the choice over and over again he'd save his loved ones first. Maybe choosing Dean over unsealing Heaven was the worst thing he could've done, maybe it'd result in the two of them dying on the way out, but he'd always take that chance.

The subtlety of Hell's reality vanished swiftly, in moments there was a crack of what sounded like thunder masquerading across the sky. It was like an explosion that wouldn't quit erupting, over and over and it only got louder. The agony of the people in Purgatory was nothing compared to the dulled and sharp aches that Hell brought. People's shouts and cries weren't that of confusion or anxiety but pure suffering, each tiny soul that woke with the world stung Castiel like a hornet in head. The light of the realm was raging like fire but it was so cold. Temperature wasn't something that registered properly, Castiel could see what resembled lava – a river of fire without the heat.

They flew through darkness as the world around them livened up and returned to how it was before everything had gone wrong. It was like colour and light returning to a completely blank void. As they passed through they watched as things started to move, Cas cringed with each sting and wished it'd end. But that was what Hell was about, that was the point – eternal suffering and pain. He brought it on himself. He did it to himself and he would have to live with the consequences.

"Are you alright, Dean?" He asked, hearing his own voice out of breath as though he'd run a marathon.

Dean nodded though he kept silent. Cas focused a little more on Dean's mind, he'd become so distracted with everything else he hadn't been able to give Dean's mental state a look. Dean's soul was bright as it always was but his mind was shaken. The weight of Hell was enough to bring Cas down but it affected him differently than it did his brother. Dean's face was buried against him, pressed hard into his shoulder and his mind was a whirlpool of terror.

"Dean, it's okay. We'll make it out of here." He tried to be reassuring but Dean just shook his head.

"This isn't going to end well, is it?" He mumbled, Cas hoped that the nausea in Dean was just because of his fear of flying but that wasn't the only thing. The smells were enough to make anyone sick and if Cas couldn't figure out which way was up he wouldn't be surprised if he'd be covered in vomit.

"It'll be okay." Cas repeated for them both.

The space they glided through felt cramped as everything sparked and retched around them. Cas held Dean a little closer as the space closed in, it was like the world was spinning around them but that couldn't have been true. Obviously Cas was the one who wasn't flying straight, right? He was the one who swirled mid-air and he was the one who suddenly dipped closer and rocketed up and down. That was the only logical way it could make sense. There was no way that the world moved around him like that, like he was the axis and it just looped and twirled as if some sort of maddening map.

"Are you flying like that on purpose!?" Dean had lifted his head and gawked at the way different nightmares launched toward them. Jutting peaks swooped by and bent strangely away, the sky appeared to be melting into itself and raining down onto the ground below – above? Maybe they were actually flying sideways…

"No, I think I'm going straight." Cas responded uncertainly, he didn't have flying down pat yet so he could probably chalk it up inexperience. But even so, it didn't feel right. "It sounds wrong but I think the surface is shifting around us."

"Whatever is happening, I don't like it." Dean held tighter, Cas didn't think it was possible but he did.

The corridor suddenly burst open, it moved so fast it barely registered that the walls had gradually widened. Cas blinked wide-eyed at an enormous open space, a frozen lake in the center with huge chunks missing. Ice was broken and scattered everywhere as if some great beast had burst out of it. There were strange severed heads in parts of the ice, sticking out of a solid darkness that lived beneath the lake. They were huge and reminiscent of the demons terrorizing Earth, huge awful grins peeling back their faces. And then he saw it, clenched in the jaws of these faces were people, struggling to break free but never succeeding. Never dying. Never living. Only perpetually trapped in the maws of these frozen monsters.

He saw, too, down below there were far more people stuck with their bodies in the ice, different limbs trapped and forever frozen. Cas didn't want to look. He didn't want to think what it meant or where he might've been. His heart raced as he did his best to ignore and avoid certain truths. Dean didn't speak, even when he lifted his head and for that Cas was grateful.

A draft from above caught his attention and he looked up, the massive open space had opened above them as well, a funnel of sorts leading out of there. Cas didn't know where it led but it had to be somewhere better. He angled his wings, they swirled through the air but he managed to get them going upward. It took stronger strokes of the new muscles to propel them up, gusts of wind tried to force them down again but Cas fought them.

"Holy shit," Dean gaped quietly and Cas looked down. At first he just saw the broken lake with faces, knowing full well there were people down there dying over and over again. But the more he looked the more he realized that the walls around the icy lake weren't walls at all but the stomachs of giants. The higher he flew the more he could see them, sunken ribcages trailed up into impossible shoulders and necks. Cas looked directly to his side as he passed the faces, gaping mouths and darkened eyes staring past him. These things circled around the lake like guardians or prison guards, he wasn't sure which one.

"It'd be kinda cool if it weren't real," Dean admitted in awe, momentarily over the illness that had stricken his stomach.

"I'm sure you'd find it fake as hell if you were watching a movie," Cas attempted humour but felt it wasn't quite right.

He pushed onward and into the narrowed passageway, it wasn't too different than the one they'd entered from Purgatory. The only real change he'd noticed was that the walls on all sides were more like membranes into a void. They appeared bottomless and never ending, chains stretched over the expanse as far as the eye could see. At first he thought the chains were infinite and just went on and on but he realized they weren't when he saw what connected them. At each end of the long chains was a hook and every hook was piercing one person or another. This connected a web of people strung along with rusted meat hooks and heavy metal links, all screaming as the world unsealed. Cas couldn't keep up with the wave of 'life' washing through the place, he'd seen the initial uprising but now he just flew through a newly awakened Hell.

Demons appeared from the depths of the pocketed-off chain webbing areas, creatures of nightmares and things Castiel never would ever imagined. Skeletal and bloated forms stretched out, some without faces, some with just mouths or eyes, or even just a hole. He even saw few that looked like they were sewn together right down their vertical middle. Many were humanoid from what he could see but he knew better than that, he couldn't see that many of them and there was no way they all looked the same.

The demons began to move; some started to work like they'd done for centuries, some looked around and watched the tiny winged boy spark through their world. Castiel tried to hurry, as the monsters moved in closer he realized just how large some of them were. One that looked like its head was a demented drama mask loomed over at the edge of the membrane. Its face was thin, as in it had no volume to it; it was fairly wide when looking at it head on. Dreary eyes watched them through the veil and Cas felt as though he'd be eaten any second. It didn't move much more than that but it did smile, unnervingly it smiled.

Castiel didn't want to focus on the monsters surrounding them, he just needed to escape. He could hear the strange noises of demons as they rose from their slumber, looming out over the vast nothingness and circling down through the chained web. He wondered for a moment what they were all doing but he didn't want to think about it. Each time he pushed the thoughts away a new concern rose up in him, a new sound echoed ahead and more people began to cry out.

What was the point of such a place? To teach people a lesson? A lesson for what? God created mankind, didn't He? Was he punishing humanity for being how He made it? Or was the free will handed to them to blame for all of this? He didn't understand, he was apparently an angel and he didn't understand it. Was that going to come to someday too, he wondered. Would he just one day wake up and think 'oh, that's why God did it; yeah okay that's fine by me'? No. He didn't think so, not after seeing even a portion of what he'd seen that day.

He hated it. Cas ground his teeth together as forced his wings down harder. It hurt him to see people this way, to hear them and feel their anguish. Death told him to keep his mind open, that he'd somehow managed to suppress himself. To do it in places like Purgatory and Hell wasn't appealing and Cas had to wager he'd even come close to losing his mind if he did it. No, that would have to wait. He was sure he'd need something from himself that he didn't know yet but he'd find it, when he really needed it he'd find it.

"Cas?" Dean tugged at him and brought his attention to his brother's concerns. Dean was of course overly stressed because they were flying but Cas noticed another strain on him. What they were flying through was never made with the intention of keeping living humans alive, it was becoming too intense and Dean looked exhausted. "I don't feel well, Cas…" Dean's grip wasn't anything like it was when they'd started and Cas feared for him all the more.

"I'll fix it," he promised as a white light flashed between them. He felt Dean's consciousness increase but it began to dwindle back down, he'd have to find the source if he really wanted to help. But the source was Hell, it was the place they were in, he couldn't just shut it down. Castiel instead created a protective bubble around Dean, one that only Cas could pass through. He wasn't sure how well it'd work but it was better than doing nothing. "How does that feel?"

"It's better," Dean mumbled, at loss for words and Cas couldn't blame him. How do you explain to yourself that what you're seeing and experiencing is real? What kind of conversation can you carry out while fleeing from Hell itself?

The funnel they'd flown into started to widen and curve upward, Cas could hear the sounds of a whip and the groans of men and women alike. Just like the last room had done Castiel found himself rocketing out of a tight space into a vastly open one. Above them was a cliff and ceiling, he assumed the tunnel continued on past the cliff somewhere. Below them now was a large circular area with wedged off trenches, each ditch with its own punishment. In one wedge people marched around with demons at their backs, whipping them and beating them down. In another the sinners were plunged in what Cas could only imagine was sewage, over and over again and nearly drowning each time.

He didn't want to keep looking but he could see it all in one glance. People with their heads shoved into rocks and their feet burned, or people with their heads twisted all the way around and forced to walk that way. He saw humans dropped into boiling tar, weighed down with heavy lead clothing and left to wander. Some were bitten by snakes and transformed into monsters, or forever trapped in fire left to burn. Others were repeatedly chopped into pieces while remaining conscious, and the last trench held the eternally sick. All in one glance he saw the horrors and tried to forget as soon as it registered in his mind.

But he couldn't. Each person in that cavern had a mind, had a life. They'd loved someone in their time and now they were left to suffer for eternity. He couldn't wrap his head around it, he couldn't understand that someone could do something that'd  _this_  could ever be considered a valid punishment.

They reached the top of the cliff, Castiel soared past a demon with three conjoined bodies, its faces of multiple colorations watched him intently. He didn't stop; he didn't have time to stop. His heart skipped a beat at being so suddenly close to a demon, it hadn't done anything against him but he didn't know how long that would last. Demons would start to chase him down. They'd gotten lucky so far, Hell had just woken up but the illusions of slumber would pass and the demons would remember they had an agenda.

They couldn't let an angel pass by; they couldn't let an angel get to Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just considered normal for me these days for a story I intended to be 20 chapters long end up being 40? I feel I have unrealistic expectations of how long it takes to build up character and setting for me. Oh well, anyway enjoy the new chapter and my rendition of Dante's Inferno (sorta).


	41. Violence and New Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew a lot of people would know where I was loosely basing my Hell imagery from, and because it's so famous and amazing I just want to say in no way do I pretend that my scenario looks even remotely close. It really is terrible in comparison but building Hell wasn't the purpose of this story. I mean it's meant to be here, yes, but more than that I like to focus on Cas as he goes through it, not on the actual place itself.
> 
> If Castiel were going far slower through each level then yeah of course I'd build it up. But right now, realistically at the speed that Cas is sailing through there I think that these are the only things that he can see and/or feel. Time is of the essence, after all. So yeah, just wanted to make sure that was clear before I continued on, I noticed a few remarks about it saying it was 'incorrect' and I am well aware.

If there was one certain thing that Hell placed in Castiel it was the feeling and realization of how small he was. He felt insignificant in all the mess and gore he'd seen, he was unable to heal anyone, unable to save them. He remembered what Meg had said, how she wanted to be redeemed and that made him think she expected him to be able to do it. He wondered if she knew how, that if she could show him would he be able to save the people trapped inside Hell's many levels?

The hall continued on for ages, Castiel could hear the roars of monsters that started to get the picture that an angel was flying through. Their orders couldn't be clearer; stop the angel. Cas would make it back to Earth, part of him was certain that a door to Heaven was open somewhere along the way but he couldn't be sure where. Regardless though, if he did make it to Earth he'd be able to reach Heaven. The demons would be trying to thwart him and stop him from unsealing the gates. It wasn't going to be easy and he knew better than to drag Dean through it with him. Of course, that didn't seem to stop him, did it?

Behind him he heard a thunderous sound, something was following him. Creatures burst through the walls and just barely missed him as he soared into the next open space. Cas had to take immediate action as guardians of that area lunged for him. Enormous mouths opened and shut just barely missing him; he curled his wings in and dove between the demons that moved in closer. He felt his feathers graze the side of a particularly gruesome predator; slime from its skin burned him. It soaked through to the skin underneath, the pain dissipated quickly but it left him with the very real idea that these things could do serious damage to him.

Cas pulled Dean in closer and picked up as much speed as he could, when his life was in danger he was always surprised at the amount of extra strength he'd pull out of himself. His body glowed lightly and his wings shone with every forced move. They cut through the air and past demons like a bullet. Cas only briefly wondered how he was able to control himself, how his reflexes were somehow fast enough to make the manoeuvres possible. But that was a passing thought, he didn't have the time to sit and contemplate his weirdly growing abilities.

Below him he knew people were suffering, above people were suffering, and all around him people were dying for eternity. They lived through their worst fears, the worst pain, and all for being created that way.

Castiel glanced back at a demon that was gaining on him, it was fast and it meant business.  _"You aren't getting away, angel!"_  Its voice wasn't like anything Cas had ever heard before, in fact those didn't even seem like words he knew and yet he understood them.

" _Try and stop me, asshat!"_  Cas shouted back, and turned his palm back toward the demon reaching for his legs. Nothing went through his mind as the light pooling all around his body poured into one single point; it sparked around his hand like lightning. Images from video games and movies came to mind and he launched the energy from his palm. It exited from his fingertips first, spiking and sizzling through his blood until a thunderous clap echoed and Castiel saw the monster with a hole in its head. It crashed to the ground and he turned away, that was the most he wanted to see of it.

The room ended just ahead of him, he felt Dean's fingers digging into his skin, his brother's face buried against him and pressing hard. Castiel kept the protective barrier around Dean but limited it to Dean's body. If he created it too big he'd lose energy and as proven by the last few seconds, he'd probably need as much as he could get.

" _I've got you, Dean."_  He uttered with a reassuring squeeze. It didn't seem to make a difference in Dean's mind, terror still overwhelmed him and it was almost like he hadn't heard a word Cas said.

He wished he had time to comfort Dean more but he couldn't. Castiel abruptly changed his direction and swung around the room, his body close to the wall. Another demon in pursuit couldn't switch gears quite as fast and crashed into the wall before scrambling after them. Cas glanced back at its horrendously long arms, a jaw that hung too low and torso skeletally thin just before bloating into some kind of bulbous back end. He didn't want to look at it any more than that, its hands stretched out for him and he turned away, feeling the narrow miss as a breeze on his back.

Cas circled the room once, passing by the doorway they'd entered from. In that time he looked around the area, the space separated into three different tiers. The more he looked the more he realized that time and space was different where they were. From his position at the edge of the room he could see the different levels clearly but they couldn't possibly be so small. Was he just moving that fast when he passed through them? In the center of the room a desert took over the first tier, fire rained down from above and there were people littering the sand. They were tiny, Cas realized better from where he was. There was no way he could see details but somehow he knew where each person stood. Was that part of an angel? Or was Hell messing with his perceptions?

The center tier was surrounded by horrible plants, the first fly through Cas thought he'd seen a face on one but he wasn't paying enough attention to know for sure. And on the outskirts, the third tier was like a river, a boiling red river that Cas didn't want to have anything to do with. People were falling into it, being thrown into it and they were boiled alive.

He angled away from the edge of that level as another demon burst through the wall. It just missed him like they'd all been doing, Cas started to believe that maybe he was just barely fast enough or that moment they needed to grab him slowed them down a little too much. Either way it resulted in the same, his heart pounding and his mind terrified.

As he flew over the first tier he watched it stretch out before him, he hadn't paid attention to the previous levels but he was certain that they must've been similar. It was why he felt slower than he was, why he thought it was taking longer than it should have. Perceptions were lied to over the punishment levels; life was meant to appear faster or slower depending on what you'd done.

Another sweeping glance of his immediate surroundings he noticed something coming from the passage he'd entered from. Demons were swarming up from below, they poured out of the hall, some flying and some just crawling. But while he thought they'd go straight for him they didn't, in fact they passed by and went up the wall to a ledge above them.

That was the exit, that was the next way out and Cas would be damned if he just circled around and waited for it to be clear. He had to get Dean out of there, he had to get home and make sure everyone was safe.

" _We're going up, Dean."_  He explained before launching into the stream. His eyes were like fire and his touch enough to disintegrate. The Hell-spawn screeched and pulled away from him, he wasn't going to let them stop him. He was scared but that wouldn't get in his way. Some of the stronger demons were able to grab at his limbs, one smacked his wing and he tumbled.

It happened so fast, like the snap of someone's fingers and he was falling. Cas' breath caught in his throat – wait, had he even been breathing lately? In fact, was his heartbeat necessary? Did angels have those?

Cas spread his wings again and curved up, gaining speed as he went and blasted through the hordes. An opening ahead of him made by his own hand, he took it and flung himself into the next level. It was like a tunnel of wind in there, he could hear the howling of people, monsters, and those somewhere caught between being both. His heart wrenched inside his chest and his mouth tasted like vomit. How long had they already been down there? Time didn't pass right. Dean didn't seem aged by any of it, yet he hadn't moved much recently.

They were going too fast for Dean to be able to lift his head. The only thing keeping him conscious was Cas' barrier around him; Dean couldn't muster up the energy to speak. He was scared out of his mind and Castiel didn't blame him. Each time it occurred to him that Dean was suffering he didn't fault that fear, he never looked at Dean for being any less than what he always was. He was sure that his brother was crying, his shirt felt wet – but then he could have also been sweating from exertion and heat.

Things were too messy in his head, making sense of the situations he found himself in weren't part of his options. It was just a sense of dread as he pushed himself further and nothing made sense anymore. Dean wasn't going to make it. He told himself that and he hated himself for it. Dean would die in there because of him. If he'd gone back, listened to Death and chose Heaven first Dean might've made it, wouldn't he? Cas didn't know, he didn't know but what he knew and what he could do were the same. Get Dean out alive. Get himself out alive, those were the only options. He had no more opportunities to just stop and think. Castiel felt reality bearing down on him, something stirred inside his mind and core until it buzzed with life. It was something he couldn't hold back, much like his wings he had no choice but to just feel the oddity that it was.

He crashed through so many demons and saw more of them ahead. It was a flying river with a single lightning bug zapping its way through. Castiel prayed he wouldn't drown as he let go.

And just like that he felt a spark inside him; the light that shone through his eyes grew and encapsulated them both. It was too bright for Dean, that much Castiel was aware of.

His body felt different and for a few seconds he thought he was detached. He could see what his body was doing but he felt like control was beyond him. He sped up; he was moving faster than before and faster than he thought he could. Cas worried about Dean but his brother's life didn't waver, it remained constant as if Dean was unaware of the sudden change of pace.

More or less anyway, he did react a little bit but Cas was pretty sure it wasn't about their speed. Dean's heart rate increased and his thoughts confused. Castiel made a note to address it later, at that moment he was busy getting them out of there.

Castiel felt as though he watched himself react, watching how he dove out of the way of larger creatures and burst through the passage way to the next and hopefully last space. He watched as his arm swung out and smacked aside a few demons to make way for them.

But wait. That couldn't be right; one swing of his arm swatted several demons?

Castiel furrowed his brow and looked down at himself, at where Dean was supposed to be. His body was different. He could see down but he could also see ahead, and behind him at the same time if he wanted to.

He had more than one head. Cas' eyes widened, all of them widened as he came to realize just what had happened to him. Meg mentioned she could see his real face, she could see something in him once – was this it? He had a different form just like she did; he had an angelic body just like the demonic.

Dean was scared out of his mind, Cas finally noticed. Dean had seen the change in him, had felt the shift in Cas' body size. But how big was he? Where was Dean? Castiel lifted his arm a little to follow where he'd been concentrating the protective barrier. Dean was tucked neatly in his hand, protected and safe, the perfect size to fit comfortably for Cas to hold him close. It was so odd to see those hands holding Dean that way, they were so large and not nearly the same shape he was used to. They were  _hands_  but they were still different.

Castiel felt the connection to his body again the more he realized how different it was. There were more than just the two wings on his back, he wasn't entirely sure how many he'd gained but certainly there were more than two. He could feel the different heads, he could feel his own facial muscles and he wanted to know what he looked like. He wanted to see a mirror at the earliest convenience because while he was sure it was cool as hell, it was probably terrifying to look at.

He took up more space than before and each stroke of his wing pushed him further. He covered nearly 10 times the distance he had moments ago and that was the best result he could have asked for. Demons barrelled out of his way, those that didn't were smitten and all but exploded. The weaker evaporated when they came too close to him and if the stronger didn't move aside, or even lunged after him, Castiel took care of them.

The wisdom and mind of an angel hadn't come to him yet. He didn't know secrets of the universe like he figured other angels did, but he was at least starting to figure himself out. The knowledge of what to do came to him faster, rather than fight with himself over how to heal someone he could just do it. His world opened up inside him, opening his mind to what he was and something new would come to him, one thing after another. How to create a barrier to keep Dean safe, making it smaller and more efficient, concentrating energy into one point and even being able to smite from whatever form he was in. It wasn't enough to be good at fighting but as far as survival went Cas could make due.


	42. "Are You Okay?" "No."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> So I just wanted to say thank you again, to all of the readers who are here right now as I post chapter by chapter, and to those who will come through and read it when it's long over. I get every review for every story as an email so I will read it, I always see them so feel free to comment no matter when. And if you guys ever feel like chatting with me send me a message :)

_Earlier…_

The car trip to the Singer residence wasn't that bad, everyone was on edge but nothing seemed to be happening for the most part. Jet looked out the window anxiously, watching for something coming, watching for anything. He looked at his phone and checked again for a text. No one had gotten back to him yet, they were probably all out of service at that point. Jet grit his teeth and dropped his head against the window, he felt useless.

His head had hit with a louder thud than he'd expected, John jumped a little and looked at rear view mirror frantically. "What was that?!" Jet was in the seat right behind the driver so all he could see were John's hyper-alert eyes.

"Chill, just me." Jet waved at him half-heartedly, the other hand still clinging to his cell phone. It felt like the only little piece of hope he could hold onto, every now and then he'd get a text from people from his neighbourhood or classmates that had escaped and it lifted his spirits each time. It wasn't a response from his mom, Cas or Dean but it was something; someone telling him they were alive and asking if he was.

He had to pause and wonder about the cafeteria, if Gordon had gotten everyone out before it collapsed like it had. Jet wanted to believe he had but he didn't want to check. If Gordon hadn't been able to do anything then all those people were dead now, Jet didn't want to think about it. Because what if they were dead? He'd left them there, knowing full well something bad was happening and instead of staying he ran out the door. He could've saved them, right?

The little girl he'd rescued came to mind, her big eyes and horror he'd seen in her face. Jess, he'd saved her from being eaten or torn apart or worse. He saved Sam. That was all he needed to ask of himself.

He remembered the wall just ahead of him breaking, his first glimpse at one of those things up close and personal. Where had he gotten the strength to just kick it back like he had? It tried to take off his head and he just booted it away.

His leg still hurt, he rubbed at it gently and as subtly as he could. He'd be limping once he got out of the car, he knew.

John had the radio on but it wasn't loud enough and all it was playing was the news. The sounds Jet heard in the halls of his school still rang in his head, echoing on repeat. His stomach tightened and he fought the urge to throw up. His nerves had gotten the better of him this time, they weren't letting him go. Jet couldn't remember the last time he'd really let his body do this to him, the last time he'd lost his will over it. Maybe it was after the funeral; yeah that was probably the closest moment.

He wished they'd stop screaming and making those sounds Jet originally thought were inhuman. People could definitely sound that way but he'd never wanted to know that, not in real life.

The first time he'd seen a dead body it was his dad's. Wrapped up in a suit and tie, clean and preserved like some kind of morbid doll. The second time he saw dead bodies was when the ceiling caved in at the school. People had tumbled down, broken pieces mangled up with desks and chunks of floor. He was thankful that he didn't stare, that he hadn't gotten a good look.

Jet quietly looked out the window and only realized when he caught a glimpse of his reflection that he was crying. His body was shaking and he couldn't stop it, his hands trembled the worst and he had tuck them under his arms and hide them.

Where had the strength to fight those things come from? A necessity to protect maybe? Jet had rescued Jess; he'd taken a fire extinguisher and bashed in another creature's skull in. He still remembered the swing of his arms, the amount of force he needed to break bone as thick as the demon's. It didn't happen that long ago, maybe an hour or two by that point in time, but it was fresh in his mind. Did he even wash off the blood?

Jet looked down at himself and saw the stains, his shoes were a wreck and the gore had been so kind as to paint them a nice dirty brown now. But of course how could he forget that he'd fallen into it? He'd cleaned up at the Winchester place, wearing spare clothes he'd left there. He looked clean but he didn't feel it. Jet's stomach turned and his head felt dizzy.

"So how long are we going to be at Bobby's?" Sam leaned forward asking his parents. He'd spoken so suddenly for Jet that it made jump a little.

"Don't know," John sighed and glanced over at Mary who shook her head. "It depends on your brothers, and how things turn out with these demons. We might be stuck in there for a while."

Sam frowned and sat back again, "Does he have internet at least?"

"Probably not in the bunker." Mary smiled at the question.

"Lame." Sam looked out the window again and was quiet. Jet was glad Sam hadn't looked his way, he wasn't entirely sure how obvious it was that he didn't feel well.

He tried to focus on the mundane thought of 'not having internet' but he couldn't. The sound of the radio filled the air; the news broadcaster went on about the horrors at the local high school.

" _What I'm seeing here today is the most heart breaking thing I've ever witnessed. It's just horrible. The building's infrastructure has been compromised and it has collapsed in several places. And even though it is not safe yet, rescue teams are on the scene. It's just a mess out there. They don't have enough people to deal with all the bodies that are in the yard. Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of these children."_

Just the bodies in the yard? What about the ones inside the school, the ones messed up with all the rubble and the ones he'd seen smeared by that wall? Jet didn't think he'd forget that for the rest of his life.

People nearly made into jam by the force of the flying debris, their remains scattered and mixed together as if they were originally all one and the same person. And Jet managed to desecrate all of them at once by tripping and landing in it. He remembered it - still warm.

Jet's stomach gurgled unhappily and he couldn't stop the violent shake in his limbs. "Stop the car." He demanded suddenly.

John glanced back at him, "Jet, we have to-"

" _I said stop the fucking car!_ " He didn't look up to make eye contact, he just shouted. John thankfully pulled over; the car was barely stopped before Jet had the door open and tumbling out. He couldn't stay on his feet for long but he managed to get around to the side of the road. Jet hit his knees and lurched forward, coughing heavily before vomiting.

"Oh dear," Mary went to his side and rubbed his back soothingly as he retched, his stomach felt like it'd be the next thing coming out. "It's okay, sweetheart."

Jet wheezed a few times and spat the awful taste from his mouth, it didn't leave but he felt a little better. He stayed there on his knees for a minute, just leaning forward with his hands slowly loosening their clutch on his abdomen. Spitting another time to try again, he was thankful when Sam offered him some water.

He knew they'd be looking at one another worriedly, those expressions that let him know they cared but also that he'd probably be asked what was wrong in a few seconds. Jet swished the water around in his mouth before spitting it out, the taste was mostly gone. His tongue felt a little charred; stomach acid wasn't too kind to the mouth. He guzzled down the rest of the bottle and wiped his mouth with his sleeve, gasping for air but saying nothing.

"You alright, son?" John knelt down beside him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"No," Jet admitted out loud, surprising himself more than the other three. "I'm not. But that's okay, I'll figure it out." He tried to get up but John hugged him instead, keeping him kneeling.

"You don't have to be okay, that's what we're here for." John's voice was steady and comforting; Jet sighed and leaned into the hug despite himself. "I know you're the tough guy, but you just went through something and I want you to know it's okay to freak out and to not be alright."

"Thank you," Jet muttered and closed his eyes, he still felt sick but it was better.

"You're welcome. Didn't expect the pit stop but it's probably good we did," John clapped Jet on the shoulder a little rougher and helped him stand.

"Why?" Jet rubbed his eyes as tears welled up, he refused to cry.

"I gotta take a whiz." John walked off a little ways away from the car toward a little bit of cover. Jet laughed a little while Sam and Mary both shook their heads. The three of them hopped back into the car

Jet looked out the window again as soon as he got the chance; he let his eyelids fall another time and rested his head against the pulled seatbelt. Using a seatbelt as your 'cushion' or 'pillow' was an art form and he was pretty good at it.

He dozed off on the rest of the way there, every now and then they'd hit a bump and he'd smack the window a little. When consciousness snapped back to him in those moments he realized they'd changed the radio station to something that'd mostly play music. He appreciated it.

Jet woke up when he heard one of the doors slam shut and muffled  _"John!"_  outside the car. He lifted his head and looked up to see John apologetically waving at him, Jet waved back and offered a half smile.

"We're at Bobby and Karen's." Sam told him as he yawned and stretched, slowly lifting himself up and realizing how stiff he was.

"How long was I out?" He muttered drowsily, "And why are they going in alone?"

"They're gonna figure out if this is a safe place or not, and as for how long you were out," Sam smirked at him, "an hour or so."

"Why are we going so far away, anyway?" Jet groaned and slid his hand down his face.

"Well they used to live closer but they moved to South Dakota a couple years ago. Bobby wanted a change of scenery and Karen wanted to live further north." He shrugged and unbelted himself. "Guess you don't need much more reason than that, huh?"

"Guess not." Jet mumbled his reply and just sat with his head angled back, staring up at the ceiling of the Impala.

"Hey Jet?" Sam asked tentatively after a few moments passed.

"Hm." He didn't feel like responding, no words came to his mouth so he grunted instead. It didn't even really come out as a question, like he'd meant to say 'yeah?' without words but it sounded more like 'I recognize you've spoken.'

"Is it my fault?"

Jet sat upright and looked at Sam this time, scared eyes watching him and waiting for an answer. "Is what your fault, man?"

"You said you weren't okay, I know dad said it's okay not to be okay but I just thought maybe it was my fault… you know, for what happened at school." Sam looked down, his mouth was a thin line and his cheeks started to flush. It sounded like he was close to tears but they didn't quite come, "I didn't mean to get caught but you had to save me."

"Sam, no. C'mon, man." Jet ran his hand up through his hair, it was getting a bit too long now, "I don't know how to explain it but I saved you because I wanted to, I had to, it's something I couldn't live with myself over if I didn't do it. You get it? Right now I'm…" he trailed off before he went on about what he'd seen, Sam must have seen it too. How was Sam coping with that? "You saw some shit back there, I don't know what but I'm sure you did. I have no idea if you're handing it really well or if you haven't thought about it yet but thinking about it makes me sick."

Sam looked back at him and nodded, he didn't interrupt but he was paying close attention.

Jet wasn't sure if he should continue but he didn't really want to stop. "I really don't know how to explain it, Sam. I saw people die today, a lot of them and in really gory ways. There were fucking demons running around and I wasn't… I'm not ready." He felt the crack in his voice and he bit the inside of his cheek and strained his eyes to stay dry.

Sam hopped up and crawled across the seat to give Jet a hug. At first Jet wanted to shove him off, but he didn't. He was resistant to the embrace at first, trying angrily to stop himself from crying. Sam didn't budge though, he remained there and eventually Jet let it go. He dropped his head against Sam's shoulder, still small but sturdy enough, and draped his arms around the youngest Winchester. "I'm scared too," Sam admitted quietly. "I was scared when that teacher broke into our house and tried to get Cas, dad shot him with a gun. I was scared when my grandpa went crazy and murdered everyone – I saw the whole thing. He killed Dean, but Cas brought him back."

Jet breathed heavily, tears fell but he kept the sobs to himself. He didn't know what to say.

"I'm scared; I don't know what to do." Sam kept talking but his fears didn't break him down. "But I know that it'll be okay. Cas is coming back, he can help. I used to have nightmares about it; I used to see grandpa's face but Cas fixed it. He got into my head and smoothed it out somehow. Does that make sense? Did he ever do that for you too?"

It made sense, Jet nodded. "He helped me when my dad died." He felt Sam smile, little bastard was happy to get him to say something calmer, probably.

They sat quietly until a tap on the window jostled them; Jet sat up and looked out at Karen who waved sweetly. "Guess that's our cue, huh?" He waved back tentatively and turned back to Sam who was a little more enthusiastic about it.

"Yep, c'mon, let's go sit around and wait some more."

"Better safe than sorry," Jet pointed out as Sam crawled back to his side of the car and opened the door.

"Yeah but who says we're safe?"

Jet found himself smiling at that, the way Sam said it said everything more than just words could expression. Who the fuck says we're safe? When are we ever? Good fucking question. He opened the door and climbed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note2:
> 
> What Jet does with the seatbelt only works when the seatbelt is actually clipped in and even then, if you're taller, you'll have to slouch quite a bit to do it. This is something I always used to do on long car rides; it's like a hammock for your face.
> 
> Also; not comfortable for long periods of time.


	43. Passing Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! Heads up folks, I wasn't happy with the last version of this chapter so I've deleted the last one and I'm posting this one as an alternative. Those of you who read the other version congrats you got to see a load of garbage that no one else may ever read.

"So the world's gone crazy, is what yer sayin'?" Bobby clarified after the explanation of what had happened.

"That's what you got from this?" Karen smacked his arm lightly, "Little Cas is an angel and you hear 'the world is crazy'?"

"What?! It's not like the world ain't crazy, right?" Bobby tapped her back playfully though still a little spiteful. It was cute, Jet wasn't in the mood to really acknowledge it but it registered well enough. "Demons are sproutin' out of the ground, Karen, I'm not gonna focus on that too?"

Karen rolled her eyes and looked back at the Winchesters, "So I'm guessing you're here to hide out for a little while then?"

"You guessed it," John smiled appreciatively, he looked tired Jet noticed then. It wasn't the kind of tired that said 'I worked all day and I want to sleep,' either. Jet couldn't put his finger on it but John was very clearly exhausted from everything that was happening, maybe it stemmed back to before anything hit the fan. He'd always been so supportive of his kids, Cas especially. Jet hoped he remembered to ask about it later. "I helped Bobby make that bunker back when you guys moved in, I think it'd be a good place to lay low."

"Well it's because of stuff like this that we made it, right?" Bobby was asking more than saying, demon invasion wasn't exactly what the two had in mind but it looked like they hadn't really planned it as much as they did assume what might happen. "After what happened with that crazy teacher and," he paused and nodded his head to Mary, "Mr. Campbell, we figured something was gonna go down. But I did think that when we used it Cas would be the one hiding there."

"You built a bunker for Cas to hide in?" Jet raised an eyebrow at him, sitting with his legs crossed on the couch. He felt like being a bit smaller than usual, fighting off the feeling was the best he could do for the time being. "That's a little bit weird, right? I mean do you really think that nature-lover would've wanted hide underground?"

"If these things kept coming after him, I expect he'd listen when I told him to do it." John replied, very sure of himself. Jet didn't buy it though; he didn't think for a second that Castiel would've agreed to do it. Especially knowing that he was the 'only one who could stop it' and all that.

As the adults continued the discussion of having built it and what happened back in town, Sam sat down beside him. It made him feel better, he couldn't really explain it but it was a comfort. He didn't resist when Sam dropped against the couch and half leaned on him, maybe it made them both feel better. Jet didn't say anything and Sam didn't either, not even when the younger teen rested his head on Jet's shoulder. Instead he responded in kind and gently leaned his head against Sam's, they were both a little tired.

"You worried about your mom?" Sam asked after a few minutes passed.

"Always," He laughed lightly and glanced down in Sam's general direction, "But she's okay, nothing's going after her where she is."

Sam nodded silently, he understood.

"Alright boys, let's get to the bunker." John gestured toward the basement and the two obediently got up to follow everyone down.

Jet's first note was that either Bobby or Karen was a hoarder, there was stuff piled all over the place. Some of it looked like they'd tried to organize it, that part was probably Karen but he couldn't sure. The second thing he spotted was that one of the walls was different than the others with a heavy-looking door in the middle. Bobby and John went right for it – that must've been the bunker wall. He couldn't imagine making it, like how did they even manage that? It was like a big metal block in the foundation of the house. How'd they get it in there? Did they build the house on top or did they just somehow manage to get that much metal work in the basement? He had no idea, not that he was interested enough to ask though.

A creaky turn of the metal wheel unlocked the door from their side, Jet watched it slowly swing open and reveal the room. There were so many occult-ish things that he didn't bother counting them. Bobby and John had gotten a little superstitious in the last few years, apparently. Although with Cas around how could you not?

Jet was the last one into the bunker; it was one large room with boxes in the corners and tables and a few chairs. It certainly wasn't made for comfort. He dropped into one of the chairs, Sam joined him in the one beside and they looked around. Jet gave Sam a half smile when their gazes met, something about Sam's expression told him that he was probably on the same page as Jet was; this was going to be boring as hell.

After the initial freak out, after what happened at the school earlier that morning everything felt too calm. Despite that horrific scene having passed, it felt like they were over reacting now. It was quiet; nothing was currently threatening them so why feel the need to hide out underground? Jet leaned back and yawned again, his nap hadn't rested him up enough it seemed. He watched as John and Mary talked with their old friends, the couples hadn't hung out in a while since Bobby and Karen moved. Old people catch-up time. It made him think that would be the gist of what he did down there, watch the two couples talk about the old days and shit.

It made him think about what they had in common, the kinds of stuff they'd done together and what they might've seen together. He thought about himself in that regard, how many people had seen what he had? Dean and Cas were in a completely different area of the school at the time, what had they witnessed? What did they have to do in order to survive that outbreak? He felt alone in his experience; despite knowing everyone else in the school at the same time saw what he did. But they didn't do what he'd done; they hadn't let go of the will to live like he had. If dying to save Sam was what he needed to do he knew he would have done it.

Jet didn't know that about himself, not to that extent. He could say it over and over again, he could brag how loyal he was but he didn't know how far that really went or what it'd feel like. Looking back, it scared him. He would die to save someone; he'd abandon other lives to save his family, people he loved. Would he kill for them too? Was it healthy to have that kind of attachment?

Not saving someone wasn't the same as killing them, right? He didn't know, back in the school could he have done anything to save some of those people? Did he let them die so he could keep going? It was such a blur in his head now he couldn't even think straight about it.

And then Sam's hand touched his forehead. Jet froze up and looked at the other boy curiously, "What're you doing?"

"You started breathing heavier and you look like you're sweating," Sam said calmly, probably to keep Jet calmer too. "I just wanted to make sure you're not sick."

Jet thought of shoving Sam away from him, say 'leave me alone' but it didn't come to him as easily as he thought it might've. Instead he quietly closed his eyes and leaned back, letting Sam check his temperature. "I'm just thinking too much again." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, it felt matted, he wanted a shower.

"Maybe stop thinking for a while?" Sam offered that little wisdom nugget with a laugh. It was a pleasant sound, soothing.

"I like your laugh," he decided to say; life was too short not to give compliments.

"Well if it weren't for you I wouldn't be able to, so don't beat yourself up so much, okay?" Sam really wanted him to feel better. Jet looked up at him thoughtfully and nodded his head.

"I'll try, man." He sat up a little and moved into hug the smaller teen, leaning a little heavily on him. "Thank you," he wasn't sure he could say that often enough. He wasn't sure he'd ever get over what happened that day but he'd be able to function properly, Sam wouldn't let him fall apart. Putting his weight on Sam felt right, he didn't want to put too much pressure on him but Jet felt okay with where he was at. Sam could handle it, and if not Jet was sure he'd hear about it sooner or later.

They spent nearly two hours there, Sam and Jet right next to each other without having to say a whole lot of anything. It was a comfortable silence but sometimes conversation is needed to help time pass.

"Where do you think Cas is now?" Sam asked first before Jet could attempt to say anything. It was like Sam read his mind or something, it made him smile.

"With any luck he's found Dean and they're on their way back." It was an optimistic view; he didn't know what Cas would have to do to get Dean back. Where was Purgatory and how the fuck do you get there? For that matter, how the fuck do you get back?

Sam hummed in response but said nothing more. They both slowly turned in their chairs, happy that they could even do that much. "Wonder where Purgatory is… do you think Dean's okay?"

"I have no idea," Jet shook his head, "He's with Cas though, I think he'll be alright."

"Do we put too much pressure on Cas?"

Jet nodded without a second thought. "Hell yeah we do."

They quieted down a bit, Jet felt a little bad for breaking the conversation like that. Maybe it was too heavy of a topic.

"How're you feeling?" Sam really wanted to make conversation with him, he was glad for that because he didn't so much feel like staring off into the distance for hours until the world ended.

"I'm better," he looked over at Sam gratefully, "thanks. How're you doing? I'm sitting here like a big baby but you went through a lot of the same shit I did."

"I'm okay," Sam lit up after hearing the words 'I'm better,' even the slightest hint that Jet might be closer to okay. That's all Sam wanted, things to be normal, everyone to be safe and just keep going like they used to. Jet doubted they could ever be that way again, though. "You're welcome." He added quickly, obviously he had to acknowledge that he'd done something. It was a nice thing about Sam; he didn't want to pretend he hadn't done something good. Self-appreciation was a healthy thing as long as it stayed away from arrogance. "So we should do something to pass the time, huh?"

"Probably," Jet half smiled and watched how Sam pushed his chair back and forth anxiously. "What'd you have in mind?"

"No idea. I didn't bring any of my games so I've got as many ideas as you do. Charades?"

"Hell no."

Sam pursed his lips together and looked around the room, "Eye spy?"

Jet snorted back a laugh and shook his head.

"Too cool for kid games, eh? Alright, we could sit in silence and brood for a while."

"Nah, there's gotta be paper or some shit down here." Jet got up and walked over to poke at Karen. It didn't take much prodding, soon enough he sat down with Sam, a stack of paper and a pen. "So we got a few options, let's start with tic-tac-toe."

"Pfft, once you get the pattern right tic-tac-toe is easy."

"No way! There's no patterns, people are a random variable." Jet insisted and Sam rolled his eyes at him. "That's a challenge then, I bet I'll win more games than you do."

"If there're no patterns how can you know?"

"There are strategies, there's a difference."

But Jet soon realized that Sam was very good at tic-tac-toe. He lost most of the games and if he won it was more of a fluke. Ties happened too but those don't count. "Okay… new game…" He grumbled after twenty minutes of losses.

"Wanna play the doodle game?" Sam smiled and Jet raised an eyebrow at him for it.

"I don't draw, dude."

Sam shrugged and made a scribble on the page, "I don't either, that's why it's fun."

Jet looked down at the page and crinkled his nose at it, "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"

"Make a picture out of it."

"How?"

Sam frowned at him, "Just do it, stop being so stubborn."

Jet laughed a little; he was being a bit difficult, he'd admit that.

They only got a few doodles in when the ground started to shake, it was small at first but it kept growing and wouldn't stop. At first Jet was annoyed, it ruined one of the pictures he was trying to make but the weight of the situation started to dawn on him.

"Everyone get down and under a table!" he heard Mary shouting before it got so much worse. They braced themselves as things crashed to the floor, it sounded like the house would tear itself in half.

Jet grabbed Sam and pulled him under one of the tables he'd noticed earlier was bolted down. He covered Sam's head and ducked down, hoping and praying that it'd stop soon. He didn't look up to see anyone else, it didn't matter because he couldn't do anything for them. The best he could do was protect Sam and himself and brace them against the falling objects.

"What the fuck is that!?" He yelled above the rumbling as it grew in thunderous cracks as if the earth around them was moving.

But that couldn't be.

The groaning of the house echoed noisily above them and soon all they could hear was a wall of sound. It hurt, his ears rang loudly and he couldn't think anymore. All that they could figure out to do was hold still and wait for it to stop. But it didn't, not for several minutes and by then they were all on the floor, hands over their ears and curled up in the fetal position.

Jet's eyes were squeezed shut and his ears burned; he could almost make out differences in the destruction of ground and property. There was something else mixed in with the rest of it; it almost sounded just like the school. He remembered hearing the walls break and the ceiling cave in, the people being killed but above that it reminded him of the demons. They all had a certain frequency, a certain pitch that went with the rest of their growls and moans.

Demons were there. His stomach tied itself into knots all over again, why were demons there already? It made him sick and he tightened his grip on Sam, reminding himself that he'd gotten out of the school, he'd saved Sam and they were alive. They were in a bunker, they were safe right?

Something about the demons being there bothered him, it wouldn't stop nagging at his mind. Cas wasn't with them; could those things really be after his family? What good was leverage to them in the first place? They'd already gotten Cas to go to Purgatory to get Dean, what more could they possibly get from attacking the Winchesters?

What happened to Castiel?

Finally the shaking subsided; it was still there but diminished enough that they could get up from the floor. The wall of sound had been muffled somehow, Jet didn't want to think what might've happened to do that but maybe whatever it was, demons flying overhead or something, had passed them by. He slowly lifted his head, ears still ringing and his mind racing in circles. "Everyone okay?" He asked but it sounded to him like he were speaking at a concert. His eardrums had taken a little too much of a beating in the last several minutes.

He looked down at Sam who appeared to be as confused as he was. But other than that he looked alright, he wasn't hurt. Jet glanced around the room to see the couples had all gotten down safely, hiding under tables and uncrushed.

Stuff was all over the floor, anything that had been put away neatly or otherwise was now littering the bunker.

It didn't look like anyone had quite gotten their bearings straight yet; no one knew what had happened. Jet crawled out from under the table and climbed to his feet. He took a second to keep his balance and walked to the door, the handle turned but the door wouldn't open. He pushed a little harder and rammed his shoulder into it, the heavy iron wouldn't budge. He wound up to do it again but Bobby caught his shoulder, "Don't do it, son. Looks like we might be trapped in here."

He wasn't really the claustrophobic one but something made him uneasy about that. He had no idea what was going on out there and now they were stuck. The world could be ending and they were trapped under a random-ass house in South Dakota. He didn't say anything, what could he really respond with? Well fuck, that sucks. Or maybe shit, how do we get out of here? It didn't matter but hell; it'd make him feel better.

"What the fuck do we do, then?" He didn't ask it pointedly or cruelly, it actually almost sounded more like a 'hey I'm bored, what the fuck do we do?'

John and Mary got up and went to check on Sam, the little guy was fine if not a bit dizzy. John walked over to the door like Jet had and tried the exact same thing, like he hadn't just heard Bobby's warning. Fuck, maybe he hadn't. Jet's ears were still ringing.

"What do you think that was?" Sam asked tentatively as he walked up beside him and Jet shook his head.

"No idea, what do you think it was?"

"I kinda hope it was Cas but I also hope it wasn't Cas, you know?"

Jet laughed softly and nodded, "Yeah man, I hear ya."


	44. Burning Tin Can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone liked the better version of last chapter (yes it's worth reading for the Jam (sam/jet), even if it more or less ends the same way).
> 
> I haven't said this in a bit so I'd like to say thanks to you all again. New readers it's nice to see some new urls and welcome to the party! And the readers who've been here since the start you guys are awesome and are very patient with me. I hope you all continue to be patient with me; I recently got a renewed sense of 'I wanna write' spirit in me. Lately it's been dwindling and dying and I was losing faith in the show and, you know, my source material and inspiration. But I've gotten it back somehow, not because Supernatural's writing suddenly became amazing and I feel revitalized in it, not really sure where it came from. But it's back so let's get this show on the road. Hope no one's tired of Jet and Sam yet because they've got another chapter or so dedicated to them coming.

They tried forever, beating heavily on the door, trying to pull it open but nothing. The most they could hope for was someone would come by. But who the fuck was going to do that? Jet chewed on the inside of his cheek, it hurt already but he was thinking too hard to really give a shit. Hours. He checked his phone numerous times to know that they hadn't literally been in that thing for hours but even forty minutes following that earthquake felt like an eternity.

Speaking of the earthquake, it hadn't really stopped until about half an hour after it had started. The ground had shaken relentlessly and several times they'd been knocked down to the floor, he was sick of it. Sam sat tucked under the table more or less permanently, as per his dad's orders, Jet couldn't say he disagreed at first but it'd been a while since the last time anything had fallen down. There was nothing left to fall down other than the ceiling, but maybe that's what John was worried about.

Jet gave up on the door before the others; John and Bobby were a bit more relentless than him. Though to his credit, Bobby didn't agree to continue as much as he didn't want John to yell about it. That was something Jet noticed was a Winchester trait, they had to get their goddamn way or else there'd be hell to pay.

He sat down on the floor beside the table Sam was under, leaning against the leg but not hiding underneath; he didn't see the point really. They were stuck.

Jet pushed his hand up over his forehead and into his hair; he was sweating again from the exertion of trying to open the door. He really wished he could take a shower. He looked over at Sam who was anxious, it was clear on his face and Jet was sure his expression was a sort of mirror image of that anxiety. "Chin up, Sam." Jet smiled and nudged Sam's shoulder, not sure entirely where this was coming from in him but it was there all the same. "We'll get outta here one way or another."

"You sure?" Sam frowned and crinkled up his face in distaste, like Jet had somehow offended him. "I have a feeling the airflow in here isn't what it was a few hours ago, we haven't gotten anywhere with the door and if we keep trying at this rate we'll run out of oxygen."

"You've got a pretty good point," Jet nodded and looked over at the other two, "d'ya hear that guys?" He called to get their attention, John looked over his shoulder at him and Bobby tipped his hat. "Sam says that we might be wasting air at this point, unless we've made any progress with the door I think we should stop."

John looked at Bobby and then at him, Jet could tell by John's quick glance over him that it was a difficult choice. John didn't really want to admit that a 12 and 16 year-old had better ideas than him, but at the same time he had to acknowledge it. That being said he nodded and went to sit down, placing himself next to Mary. "I'm sorry, everyone." He said after a few moments of silence and settling.

"It's not your fault, John." Karen reassured him, "We have no idea what happened out there, things could be pretty bad on the other side of that door and maybe this saved us."

It wasn't as helpful as she was hoping it'd be, regardless of what they managed to avoid out there they were still trapped. And what had happened anyway? Jet wiped his face again, he was really warm. John and Bobby looked as flushed as he did, which made sense. But when Jet looked at Sam next he saw Sam was sweating too, but he hadn't done any physical activity against that iron door. Jet furrowed his brow and looked at Mary and Karen who seemed to be in the same state, it was really warm in there.

His eyes widened slowly as it dawned on him, it'd been getting progressively warmer in there. His eyes had been hurting a few times already but he figured that was just him. The air was thicker; in fact it looked smoky in there.

"Something's on fire." Jet blurted out, his mind starting to panic.

"What? No Jet it's…" Mary paused for a moment and looked around at the air, why was it that most people didn't notice how different the air looked if it happened slowly enough? A drastic change would definitely be seen but if it seeped in slowly no one would notice until it should've been obvious. "He's right," she agreed then, her eyes about as wide as his. "There's a fire outside the bunker, the house is burning."

Jet didn't know what to say, he sat frozen as John and Bobby leapt to the door again. They hammered on it with all their strength now, over and over again in the hopes that it'd move. It didn't. Jet glanced at Mary and Karen who had both gotten up and looked for something to maybe unhinge the door, or something that could be used as leverage. Why didn't they think about this when they designed it? He wondered only briefly, it didn't help to criticize past mistakes now. He looked at Sam again and felt like the world had just slapped him in the face.

Sam was scared, terror was the only thing Jet could make out in his eyes and it killed him. How could they die that way? After all the carnage the two of them went through to get there, how could they just go down like that? It didn't make sense. It was fucked up.

Jet pulled Sam close to him and held on tightly, he wanted to say it'd be okay, they'd make it out. He couldn't find the will to lie, though. He was a good liar but he couldn't do it to Sam, not at that moment. "I'm here," was what he said instead. Sam's hands gripped him back, that same deadlock hold that clung to him back when they were falling together. Jet felt like it'd helped, his useless and obvious statement of being there was some form of support for Sam and that was the best he could offer.

The room was hot; the floor felt like it was cooler than the walls so Jet kept them in the middle. He hoped that somehow the earth shattering disturbance from an hour ago would still turn out to be Castiel, that maybe Cas just had a hard time finding them and he'd come get them out now.

Just as his mind drifted closer to the idea that he really would boil alive in there he heard something, it sounded like a woman he knew but couldn't place the name of. That didn't matter too long though. An explosion on the other side of the door rocked the bunker again; it was loud and knocked them all down one more time. They'd become well acquainted with that floor, though they weren't terribly fond of it.

"Try again!" The familiar voice shouted, if it weren't through a thick iron wall Jet was sure he'd recognize her.

John and Bobby got up and rammed the door another time, though in this case it actually did something. The door fell from its hinges and took both men down to the ground with it. Jet looked up to see Meg standing at the entrance, her face was dirty and blood coated her arms.

"What the fuck is going on?" He kind of wished the first words from his mouth were 'thanks for getting us out' but that'd work too.

"I'll explain later, just get out of there." She demanded and they found themselves following her orders.

Jet couldn't believe what had happened to the basement, it was completely ruined. In fact there was no ceiling above, the house was gone. They climbed out of a metal box into a small pit carved out of rubble that had been pounded so hard it was just dirt again mixed with wood shavings. And all of it was on fire. Jet gawked silently at it, the further he climbed the more of the landscape he could see.

And what a landscape it was. The Singer house wasn't the only thing that had been taken care of, the land all around them had been levelled in several places. Patches of land remained untouched, part of the yard was okay and Jet realized that the house hadn't been smushed into nothing so much as it had been 'misplaced.' The house was more or less intact, just several feet away from where it should have been.

The sky above was overcast and nearly orange, somehow reflecting the light of the earth below it. Fire had spread everywhere; from where he was standing it looked like almost everything was burning. Overhead he saw figures in the clouds, large and haunting with the most horrendous shapes. He wasn't even close enough to make them out but he knew what he was looking at.

The ground was split wide open in one place nearby, and to make up for it other chunks of land had been displaced and jammed up higher like pillars and mini-cliff sides.

Where were they all coming from? It couldn't have possibly all been right there where they were, how many were running rampant? Why?

"We gotta go," Meg was instructing the others, "I rescued your cars so get in 'em and drive, back south preferably." She looked his way, he could see her in his peripheral but he just couldn't stop staring at the mess in front of him. What happened to the Earth?

She said something but he wasn't listening. Was Cas okay?

Did he not make it?

"Jet!" Sam shouted and broke his concentration in an instant. "C'mon! We have to get out of here!"

He turned to Sam and snapped out of it, whatever his mind was about to break down over it could wait. Jet ran after the Winchesters who were already heading to the Impala, Bobby and Karen weren't given a moment to mourn their house either so why should he just stand there like an idiot.

Much to his surprise Meg hopped right into the car with them, into the backseat right after Jet and pushing him to the middle. He would have protested but she moved him like he weighed nothing, best to just pretend he did it on his own lest he give the truth away. Sam seemed shocked he was in the middle; he just shrugged in response to the confused expression.

"So what is going on?" John had similarly been somehow ushered out of his usual spot and Mary was behind the wheel, Jet didn't question that one either.

"Some shit went down, Dean got dragged to Purgatory and Cas went after him," Meg answered, looking out the window as they tore out of the area, the Singers right on their tail.

"We know that, what the hell's up with you and how the fuck are you doing any of this shit?" Jet snapped at her, he was used to her being a classmate and a regular teenaged girl. Now she could find them when there was no way she could've known where they were, create explosions to remove piles of dirt on top of them, and she knew about where Cas was. He was up to his eyeballs in being fucking done with all the weird shit going on.

Meg looked at him, her expression far from welcoming, "Listen eyebrows, I'm only here doing this because Castiel asked me to look after you guys. Don't you dare give me that fucking attitude."

He didn't respond with words, just a slight nod of his head. He'd shut up, for now anyway.

"Do you know what happened to Cas? Did he get Dean?" Sam leaned around Jet's side to see her, his eyes big and pleading. No one could resist the Sam Winchester puppy-dog look, no one.

She nodded, "Sort of. I know that there's no way out of Purgatory unless you have a reaper or you pass through Hell."

Jet's stomach knotted up instantly, he didn't fully understand everything she said, he had no idea what a reaper was but he knew what she was getting at. There were demons sprouting out of the Earth and setting the world on fire because they'd just woken up after being dormant for a good 16 years. Castiel had to pass through Hell to get out, he must've had Dean with him but the second he crossed that line the entire realm woke up. "You gotta be fuckin' kidding me…" he ran his hand down his face slowly.

"What does that mean? Are Dean and Cas in  _Hell?_  Is that what you're telling me?" Mary looked up at the rear-view mirror; her eyes were furious and more intense than he'd ever seen them.

"That's what I'm saying." Meg drawled back a little, like she'd just repeated herself for the fifth time on something trivial and obvious. "When Cas passes over the threshold of Hell it will be unsealed, he has to do the same in Heaven to wake the angels."

"As soon as we got those earthquakes, that's when Cas did it?" John clarified and Meg nodded. Jet could tell that neither Mary nor John could quite wrap their heads around the fact that two of their kids were currently in Hell. Jet wasn't so sure he was coping with it himself. "So where do we go?" John continued after a moment of thought.

"I'd suggest back home, that's where Cas might drop Dean off. My bet is he's gonna make a straight shot for Heaven after seeing this." She trailed off a little when she looked out the window; it was a massacre out there and Jet didn't want to look.


	45. I'm Different

The question dawned on him; could all angels do what he was doing?

It wasn't a big question, it wasn't something he absolutely needed the answer to but it was a curious thought. If angels looked the way he did, if they had several sets of eyes like him and were as large and strong, how could Hell even pose half the threat he'd heard of? If all angels could turn demons into dust like he'd done then why were demons so bold in the way that they were?

Castiel could see things now he'd never imagined, he could see behind him, to his left, right, and ahead all at the same time. It was a little overwhelming and nauseating at first but he'd grown used to it as the void of Hell swept past him.

He couldn't keep going at that pace though, it was a strain on him to hold Dean's barrier but if he let it go Dean wouldn't make it. That was probably the only thing keeping him going at that moment, he felt like it was never ending and the weight of all the damned souls tried to drag him down. His mind hurt, his heart ached and ever part of his being wanted it to stop, would've done nearly anything to make them stop.

Demons were rushing by him in a crazed effort to escape their prison of over a decade; he wondered how they could be so fast. He was moving at incredible speeds already, how were they moving by him? Maybe he wasn't going as quickly as he thought, his energy spent on Dean's life drained him slowly and his transformation wasn't without its costs.

" _Dean,"_  he tried to speak to his brother again but no reply came. Cas could tell Dean was awake, he could feel Dean's mind rushing back and forth, panicking as Dean would. He was awake, so why wasn't he responding? Could he not speak?

Dean's head was a mess, Cas realized, as he looked closer.

_I'm in Hell. What happened to Cas? What is that sound? Is someone talking to me? What's going on? Cas? Cas are you okay? Cas why aren't you talking to me anymore? Cas?_

_Cas? Is that even you anymore?_

_Cas? What's happening?_

_Cas? I'm scared._

Castiel knew when energy needed to be spent and that was a moment he had to do it. He reached inside Dean like he'd done so many times and eased the pain. He gently soothed the bristling fear and did his best to show Dean that he was there, just like he'd said before.

" _I'm here Dean."_  He said but he realized it didn't sound the way it should have. Was he even speaking the same language anymore?  _"Can you understand me, Dean?"_

No. He wasn't speaking English, he wasn't speaking any language he recognized but it still made sense to him. What the hell was he saying? Dean certainly didn't know and if it weren't for Cas' own mind thinking the words first he'd never know, either. So speaking to Dean wasn't going to work, he couldn't say anything that would help and God knows he might be making it worse.

Instead he continued to try and pacify the panic attack that was pushing up inside his brother's head.  _I love you, I'm here, don't worry._ Repeating statements like that he sent it through to Dean's mind and into his understanding. And that was all Cas could hope to do, he couldn't stop the demons from speeding by, he knew where they were going. Earth was a new home to monstrosities and nightmares now, it held the worst humankind could ever offer and the good would be drowned out by new evil.

Castiel pounded the air with his wings as he sailed through passageways and over horrendous scenes he wished he could forget. He wasn't sure if he'd stopped feeling ill from the sight, if he'd gotten used to seeing it, or if he'd become accustomed to the sickness in his stomach. How could anyone come up with something so awful? How could God do something like this? Cas didn't want to believe it was a result of free will, that sounded like a cop-out bogus excuse. Had God ever been down there? Had He seen what Hell did to people, to his beloved humanity? If He'd seen it then why didn't He do anything to save them? It made him even more angry than it did sick, which was probably what kept his insides where they belonged.

Could an angel even be sick?

His ponderings stopped when the air suddenly became thick and milky in a way only the dirtiest water could. It was like mud, the pit had become some kind of swamp and they were flying right through it. People thrashed around in the darkness, struggling to breathe and grasping for Castiel. They were so small, their souls had dwindled and their humanity hung pathetically by a thread of the past. Were they even human anymore?

It didn't matter at that moment, he strengthened the space around Dean and fought his way through, he was so tired. His wings ached, they were brand new, only a day old – or had more time passed? Maybe it'd been a week, maybe it'd been a few seconds, he had no idea. It felt longer than it should've been, or it was shorter, all he knew was that time didn't pass the way it was supposed to and Cas was starting to get tired of it. To sum it up; he was tired. He was motivated to keep going, he knew what he was meant to do but it was all weighing him down.

Why couldn't freedom find him? Locked down in a school for 8 hours a day, a prison for ten months in a year that sucked the life out of him. And if that wasn't enough he had to live with this stupid prophecy, this awful thing called destiny. He was the last angel free, the last one able to roam the Earth and the only one able to save Heaven – and by extension every soul of the dead in between. He would never be free to do what he wanted, would he?

The surface, he finally reached the end of that awful swamp water. Cas erupted from the waste with a burst of light, demons of the area scattered as soon as they realized what he was. He wasn't even sure anymore, he could feel the changes in his body as they kept happening but he wasn't sure what to say about it. He had at least three heads now – the frontal head was the original and it had one set of eyes, he wasn't entirely sure he had a mouth there anymore. The second head over his right shoulder didn't have its own neck, it was based off the same elongated neck as the first head and was unable to move about, it had three sets of eyes leading down its face. The third head was over his left shoulder and was similar to the second except he could feel a mouth there. The more they developed the more he felt they weren't terribly close to human features, either. They weren't fully there yet, he could still feel them forming, seeing more things than just the physically present.

Also there were wings everywhere – the main two on his back, two on the sides of the front head, and a second pair below the first, smaller, a bit more flexible with an extra joint and mostly sprouting from his hips. If he could really call those hips, the bone structure felt wrong but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Whatever the case he was still getting used to just using two of the wings, he was sure he'd be far faster with all of them working but he got them all a little confused if he tried. It was probably best to just use what he knew for that moment.

As Cas pushed himself he failed to see something as big as him coming from behind. Unused to the new eyes and senses he couldn't prevent the collision and was knocked to the nearest ground. Luckily for him he'd come to a ledge very recently or he would've fallen a great distance.

Cas managed to keep Dean in his hands and close to him, absorbing the shock of the impact both times. He looked up at the grinning face of a creature he felt he shouldn't have ever met. Overall its base reminded him of a skeleton in long dark robes, flowing and ragged at the ends. It had spiked wings though they didn't look like they helped in flight in any way, flying must've just been an internal thing. Its face was the part he was most aware of, however. Its long, narrow mouth - like a dog's - curled up in a grimace as the beast edged closer to him. Four sunken eyes blinked vertically and flashed a reddish glow.

"You aren't getting anywhere, angel boy." Its voice was oddly calm, almost human like it knew how to speak to him.

" _And you are?"_  Cas wasn't sure if it'd understand him but he wasn't in the mood to tango with this thing.

"Something that's been stuck down here for far too long," It loomed over him, emanating such malice it nearly sent him into flashbacks about Caplan and his grandpa. "I don't intend to let you hinder our escape; you won't be going on to Heaven any time soon."

Castiel's first reaction to remove this thing like he'd done to the others, smiting didn't come quite as naturally but he had the motion down pat. Energy sparked up his arm stronger than he'd seen it before but it did nothing to the demon in front of him. He froze, heart raced and the monster's grin stretched.

"Doesn't always work so easily on stronger demons, sweetheart." It lunged for him and he panicked. Rolling off the ledge he fell again, his wings thrashed and his mind all but shut down. Auto pilot ran his next movements, no permission granted from the rest of him. He pulled Dean into himself, his body and skin acted as more a membrane than a physical and solid object. His brother floating in a strange limbo space within Castiel, he could sense everything about him. He could feel every time speck of Dean Winchester and it set his fantasies on fire.

Cas watched as a long, uncoloured arm reached forward as the demon dove down after him. It'd already proven its speed and strength by knocking him down the first time; he wasn't going to take it a second. Without knowing what was happening he caught the monster's head in his hand, an originally solid limb that looked like all the fingers had been fused into one digit. The skin split like a liquid dripping down his wrist and his fingers dug deep into the demons screaming face. It flailed at him, clawed hands swiping at his arm and torso but barely leaving a mark.

He couldn't describe or explain the senses rushing through him or the things that came out of him, it was the strangest feeling. Like something had hacked into his mind, some kind of information poured in like something he should've known all along. Angelic knowledge, he realized. It was the start of knowing what angels know and being one. It was power and helplessness; it was strength and weakness all at once. But more than that, it gave him the ability to what he had to.

Energy spilled through his arm,  _grace_  his mind knew it as now. It filled his attacker like a poison; the creature squealed an unnatural sound as it tried desperately to get away. It'd realized its mistake far too late; it knew nothing of the kind of angel that Castiel was.

_I'm different._

It was a bell in his ears and ringing through his soul.

_I'm different than my family. I'm different than humans. I'm different than demons. And I'm different than angels._

The demon melted in his hand, like toxic waste had been dumped into its system it corroded. Castiel's wings forced him up again, past the place he'd already been and higher. Hell was a deep pit, lower and lower you fell to the place where Lucifer slept. Climbing out was no easy task, the air itself weighed on him but he kept moving.

Dean was safely tucked away inside him, his abdomen glowed where his brother rested and healed. Cas would keep him safe. They were almost there. He was almost out, he could feel it.

_Just a little longer, Dean._

* * *

 

_ _


	46. Parallels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for the delay, I've been a little busy with weird work but now I'm back where I was. I can write during my shifts so we should get back to a normal writing schedule now!
> 
> Thanks again for reading, love you guys (and remember no matter how old the story is I will read your reviews).

The road home was longer than leaving; the calmness that they experienced on the way to the Singer's was long gone. The world had erupted since they'd hid underground, bodies were strewn about the roads and landscapes as if cities had been raided and the inhabitants were flown through the countryside in a hurricane.

Jet kept his gaze inside the car; he didn't look out the windows or focus on the road for the longest time. He didn't know how he'd handle it if he did. But how could he avoid it? Every glance toward someone else, looking over at Sam or Meg in the back, or even at John and Mary - he'd look toward a window. The sky above hadn't calmed down, he felt like he was jumping at shadows and it really started to piss him off.

But more than that he worried for his mom, the first few hours he heard nothing from her and it made him sick. Jet's mind was running a mile a minute, Sam smiled at him every time he looked to his right and Meg didn't bother giving an expression other than slightly annoyed. She was really put out by doing whatever it was Cas asked of her. But if Cas trusted her then he'd have to try and do the same.

"Hey," Jet felt he needed to say something; an hour of silence in the car was making him feel like he might vomit again.

"What?" Meg asked shortly, her eyes nearly rolled out of her head, he could've sworn.

"What are you?" He asked again, she'd never really answered, though last time he wasn't the kindest of people.

She held his gaze for several seconds before saying anything, "A demon." Her tone was a bit softer, as if she expected a lot of backlash for the words leaving her mouth.

"But you aren't doing what they're doing, so… what are you up to?" He did his best to keep a level head. Freaking out wouldn't help him, it wouldn't help Dean or Cas, and it wasn't going to get him in contact with his mom so why bother? All it'd get him would be a punch in the face or something equally as painful, maybe a panic attack.

"I'm Cas' friend, unfortunately." Meg laughed at herself and shook her head, "He's one of a kind and he's completely insane. I'm doing this because I like his dumbass and I'd rather be on his side than my father's."

"Your dad's a demon too, I take it?" John asked, kind of stupidly but Jet didn't say anything.

"Uh…" Meg looked at Jet for an answer as to whether or not John Winchester was serious. Jet had to nod his head, yes he was. Sarcasm had fled from her tone for a few seconds as she nodded at his gaze in the rear-view mirror, "Yeah, he is. His name is Azazel and he's the one who's been in charge of finding Castiel since day one."

Jet looked at her seriously again, Cas trusted her but she could just as easily stab him in the back, right? But she would've done that already…

His trail of thought was pushed aside when Sam leaned around him again, "Thanks for helping him instead," Sam smiled at her honestly, "we all appreciate it."

"You're welcome," she sounded content with that, like Sam was the best person in the car other than herself. "My dad's gonna be waiting for Castiel to come back up, if he ever does. In the meantime Earth is a playing ground; demons can roam freely from Hell to here with no angelic interference."

"What are Cas' odds of getting out?" Sam asked ahead of anyone else.

"Honestly I don't know. At this point in time it's all down to faith. Cas is an angel; I don't know what level of angel he is but he's gotta be something special. I think he'll make it." Meg's hands were clenched tightly in her lap and she looked out the window again. Jet didn't know what to say to her, his eyes followed her gaze and looked out at the land around them.

Castiel and Dean were going through something he'd never know, seeing and sensing things he was blessed enough to never experience. What had happened to him, what he'd been through seemed small in comparison.

His thoughts were cut short when his cell phone rang. Jet's heart jumped into his throat as he dug it out of his pocket, all eyes on him with hopes of it being Dean or Cas. He looked at the call display, "Oh my god-" answering immediately he couldn't control the anxiety in his voice, "Mom!? Are you okay?"

" _Jet, sweetheart I'm fine. Are you alright? Are you safe?"_

"Yeah," he felt his voice getting choked up and tears welled behind his eyes. "I'm okay, safe is a bit of a stretch but I'm alive. How was-"

" _Don't even ask, kiddo."_  She laughed; it made him feel a lot better to hear it.  _"Where are you now?"_

"Heading back home, we went to South Dakota and were in a bunker during the uh… start of the apocalypse? I dunno what to call that." Jet noticed everyone else wasn't quite as happy as he was, it wasn't Cas or Dean but they were relieved that Nikki was okay. "Where are you?"

" _Doing the same, long road trip on a road that's not all there."_

"We'll meet up once we all get to town," he insisted, accepting the relief that washed his nerves and cleaned them.

" _That sounds like a plan,"_  she paused for a second and he waited for her,  _"I love you, Jet. I don't know what happened to you today but I love you."_

She could tell, whatever was in his voice or mind or words or anything else - she could tell. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, hoping that would deter any tears from pushing out. "I love you too, I'll see you soon."  _Please let me see her soon._  He wasn't sure who he was begging but it was a necessary thought.

" _See you soon."_  The line clicked softly and that was it. Jet held the phone to his ear for a little longer and dropped a hand over his eyes. He hadn't realized just how worried about her he was, how much his mind felt like it was cracking under pressure.

"It's okay," Sam slid a hand behind his shoulders and moved around him for a hug. Jet scoffed through a sob and a laugh, his mouth pulled tight and he felt like he was smiling.

"She's okay," he laughed and let Sam drag him over for the embrace, "my mom's okay."

"Thank god," Mary whispered and looked out the window, her hand pushed up into her hair. John didn't say anything and neither did Meg.

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel noticed that every second he thought that his ears were used to the noise it got worse. The pain would renew itself, perhaps in invisible moments of relief he didn't comprehend until it was too late. People's shouts and cries for help were mixed into one loudness that made him want to turn around and liberate them. Time wasn't on his side, it never was but it didn't stop the urge. He wanted to save them and the thought remained in his mind, he felt like someday he would. That day wasn't the time but someday.

What his mind now told him was the fourth layer of Hell's ironic punishment passed him by in too much of a blur. He knew that arms reached for him, people screamed for his help. He pushed on; he could see the demons hording around the third level, a sort of parallel to Heaven.

Cas didn't like the knowledge that slowly seeped into his head; Death said it'd be the last thing he'd get before becoming an angel fully. Maybe he'd misunderstood, the transformation happened slowly in weird bursts and silences so maybe the knowledge would do the same. He'd randomly understand something and then nothing new would happen for a period of time in between. The last part of his angelic being to be complete would be his mind.

Regardless of how it was happening it bothered him. Like repressed memories surfacing, he didn't know how those images could possibly be his, how those thoughts fit into his mind or anything like it. Cas wanted it to end; he wanted to be himself and be left alone, was that so much to ask for?

The understanding of Heaven and Hell were similar as they appeared in his head, just small star bursts of information to fill in a gap he didn't quite get. Hell was more than what he'd seen; the space he was in at that moment was the levels of punishment that led down to Lucifer's captivity – which had been empty when he arrived. There were 9 levels, each one deeper than the last but all almost their own separate realms. People of significant sin were kept in there, the rest were scattered on the surface. The lakes of fire, limbo space and repetition of the worst moments of the sinner's life in pockets of time.

Heaven ran as a similar parallel, though it had 7 levels. Cas didn't know a lot about it yet, just that God resided in the seventh and in the third a gate to Hell waited.

He furrowed his brow when he considered the new information given to him by himself; Lucifer was trapped in the last level of Hell and God stood in the last level of Heaven. The two were parallels of one another in several ways; Hell must've had a gate to Heaven somewhere in it. Cas would've bet that it was in the third level.

As he passed the space between the levels he felt an icy rain hitting his face. At first it was okay but it only took seconds before it stung and made him want to cover his skin. He emerged past the level and saw bodies scattered around in a slushy mess created by the rain. They had no eyes and squirmed around like they were the only ones in the world. Their ears must not have worked because the people next to them were doing the same thing. If they were deaf Cas was a bit envious of them.

Then he saw it, there was a separate passage from where he was heading, his mind pounded and his heart raced – that was where he needed to go. Cas arched his wings and changed direction gradually then sharply beat the air to move faster. Heaven was close, the gate to Heaven from Hell was right there and he could get help. He could open the way and other angels would come and rescue him from his own mess.

But that wasn't quite how it went. As he curved through to a massively open space, a beautiful gate sitting at the end of the room, he knew he'd never reach it. The area was filled with demons, the walls melted with faces and grins – this was where they were headed. They'd gone to protect their only weak point, fulfill a duty given to them by a frozen fallen angel. Don't let Castiel into Heaven. It was a resounding order that Cas was fairly certain he'd heard echoing in the halls.

A large percentage of the demons left in Hell were standing before him, he couldn't comprehend every face and devilish feature. There was no way he'd make it through; that fact rang in his head like it was the only thing he should know.

 _Should he try?_  That was the follow up.

Castiel shouted at them;  _"Out of my way!"_

"You won't get through." Another replied, it was calm and stepped forward with a massive dog-like beast at his side. "Heaven is, unfortunately, going to remain closed." Its eyes were red; its face was the most humanoid that Cas had seen in the depths. The bone of its skeletal face moved as if it were muscle, like a thin layer of skin was pulled across but not quite.

Cas lunged forward; he could never live with himself if he didn't try. It was right there. He could feel it; he could hear the angels on the other side. He was  _right there_.

"Boys," the single demon said and in an instant the monsters swarmed forward. Castiel met them with the strongest burst of energy he could muster that fast, he  _needed_  to get through.

Demons came at him from every angle and for the most part he met their speed and matched the strength. A weaker creature could hardly move him or make a scratch while others sent him further and further backwards. He didn't understand the extent of the danger he was in until a single demon could hurl him against a wall with the flick of its wrist. There were power levels at play that he couldn't fully wrap his head around. He'd gotten over the fact that things like him existed and he could do amazing and awesome stuff, but using  _the Force_!? Dean would be thrilled as soon as he told him.

Cas stretched out his wings and moved each one to slow him down, his head snapped up to see the funnel of monsters careening his way. He shifted his stance and readied himself to take them on again, he needed to get through.

" _I'm pretty sure I told you not to die."_

Cas' eyes widened when Death's voice pierced through the muddled space of his mind. Instinctively he dodged out of the way and continued on out of the passage and upward.  _Death was talking to him?_

" _How-"_

" _I can do many things, Castiel."_

" _I need to get to Heaven, that's the closest way-!"_

" _Stop that immediately."_  Death interrupted him again, his patience clearly running out.  _"You chose the idiotic path to go into Hell and I knew you'd try to get through the third level gate. There are demons of very high rank waiting for you there, and unless you are in full control of yourself they will kill you. You've opened up one of the realms now I need you to live long enough to open the other."_

Castiel didn't argue past that, Death had lost patience with him and poking that bear wouldn't end well. He wanted to ask 'why didn't you use your weird telekinesis or telepathy or whatever before' but he figured he'd get a short answer. In fact, he knew it was probably because something inside him finally woke up, or Death wouldn't have bothered with the house calls.

But on top of that, hearing Death from a distance of time, space, and reality wasn't the only thing that had started to register with him. He could hear the angels. The same strange language he couldn't stop speaking rang in his ears and repeated dully in his head.

_We need you, Castiel._

_Hurry Castiel._

_Castiel._

_Castiel._

He shook his head and tried to block it, or at least compartmentalize it away. Death had told him not to block himself but the sudden onslaught of voices was hard to stomach.

" _We'll make it to Earth,"_  he muttered to Dean just as much as himself.  _"I'll get to Heaven from there; we just need to make it home."_  He wanted to see everyone, the damage he'd done because of his selfishness. How bad were his consequences?

The second level of Hell lived up to the name; he would have described it as Hell if he weren't actually there. The winds were strong and nearly knocked him down. He couldn't go straight up, dodging through and trying to follow a flow or pattern. It took far too long, much longer than he'd ever anticipated it taking. This was where flying was not an advantage.

Castiel forced his wings to work, coated in his grace and a brighter light than he thought he could physically look at they started to cut through the wind. Demons were following up behind him; it was just as hard to get through the punishing circles of Hell for them as it was for him. Some fell and remained below; others latched onto the walls and climbed up like ants.

His wings worked harder, strained against themselves and his own weight as they fought their way through. Each motion pushed him higher but it felt like crawling, even inching as a worm on the ground compared to the speeds he'd achieved before.

But it didn't last forever; soon he passed the source of wind and cut through into the first level. It reminded him of Purgatory, there was grass and plants and people living – almost like Earth. It was a limbo of sorts, the kind of space where nothing really moved forward, everyone was stuck in waiting for eternity. It was less of a punishment for great sins as it was meant to be a slap in the face for those that were good but not good enough for Heaven itself.

The part about it that confused him was the weird sky above. The mass amounts of cave-like tunnels were gone; it was like he'd reached the surface but wasn't quite there. Instead of questioning it too long, though, he kept moving up. There was a strange container-like feel to it all as he flew above; there were walls though they couldn't be perceived. Fiery lands of messed up temperatures lay beyond, the sky lost the similarity to Earth and he could see different and strange pockets of time for separating people. Some wandered the wastelands endlessly below him, some falling into the pits of punishment, burning in the lakes, and an unlimited number of other things he didn't want to consider.

He'd flown right out of the pits that led down to Lucifer's cage. He was almost out. Earth wasn't far.

Demons had rocketed out of the ground below and he knew they'd be heading to block his exit. Castiel flew with the first creatures, letting them stay ahead but not losing them. He needed to know where the exit was.


	47. Surrealism

He never quite understood the meaning of surrealism, nor did he know what it could feel like. But he couldn't escape it now. Lights danced behind his eyes, he heard Castiel's voice a few times but it dissipated into some foreign sound. Cas' body changed too, more than just wings added to his back but every part of him changed. He was enormous; his hands were like mittens that just cupped Dean against what Dean assumed was skin. It didn't feel like normal skin, though. It wasn't as soft or as warm as Cas was supposed to be. It was kind of like hugging malleable clay that started off cold. His face felt like it was slowly sinking into its own pocket shaped perfectly to fit – maybe new memory foam was a better comparison.

But that changed, his delirium caused by the pressures of Hell's atmosphere – if that's what it was, anyway – pushed him further from understanding. Dean didn't know which way was up, down, or whether or not he was even still alive. Cas was holding him, Cas was protecting him and quickly put up some kind of barrier to keep him functioning. It all happened too fast, he was in Purgatory and Cas saved him but now they were in Hell and holy shit Dean wanted to go home. The sounds he heard were horrendous and all but drowned out every other noise until it was just a mess to his eardrums. His nose burned and his lungs felt like they'd taken in a good cloud of miasma.

And then everything disappeared. He felt like he was in some kind of void, curled up in limbo and waiting for life to start again. Was that reincarnation? Whatever, he didn't care.

Dean could barely open his eyes and all he heard was the muffled rumbling sounds of just about anything happening in the distance. It was like trying to hear something with your ears full of water.

Wait, could he breathe?

A quick inhale told him yes, yes he could. "Cas?" His name came to Dean so easily those days, and it just slipped right out of his mouth as natural as the breaths he'd taken. Cas was familiar to him and meant safety. Luckily for Dean it felt like Cas was everywhere.

"Are you there?" Dean waited and didn't get an answer in something as simple as a few words; however he did still get a response. It was a feeling, it embraced him and cradled him in a way only being around Castiel could ever do. "I'm scared," he said aloud and tried to open his eyes again – but they weren't actually closed anymore. "Okay, now I'm really freakin' out…"

He felt around the space looking for something, anything to hang on to. His senses weren't working, he couldn't feel anything and he couldn't be certain that he'd really ever said anything.  _Death. That's what death would be like._  Dean wasn't ready for that; he wasn't prepared to know that he'd be conscious during the remainder of his eternity.

But that weird sensation pushed at him, it the only sense he had and it led back to Cas, consoling him. 'You aren't dead,' he was sure the sensation was telling him – not that he understand  _how_  it was telling him. Cas had ways to get inside his mind and do things to him he'd never know until a year later, whatever was happening right then didn't surprise him. It was nice that Cas was there but he wished they could talk; he hadn't had a chance to just talk to Cas in what felt like eons.

The last time was… heck, he couldn't even remember. A lifetime ago, during a time when he just wanted to hold Cas' hand and explain to the strange looks that Cas was actually adopted so it was okay. Kissing Castiel had been the only thing on his mind – well, that and a way to explain it away without being crucified. But now? Now he would have settled for a single word, if maybe Cas could say his name he'd be happy.

" _Dean?"_

Light flashed into his world and burned his eyes just before he covered them. A curse left his mouth but he couldn't keep track of everything going on. He could  _feel everything._  He felt the movement of arms that weren't his, muscles on his back that he didn't have, and something that rushing through his veins. He'd never felt his own goddamn blood before, he had no idea what it was or what it was doing to him. It was part of him, it slipped into his bloodstream and shot through the rest of his system and connected to his mind.

The only explanation that came to him was expelled in the same name; "Cas?"

" _Dean, can you hear me?"_

"I have no idea how!" Dean shouted and slowly opened his eyes again, something was different. He could sense Castiel; he felt something in his brother he'd never known before. Was this what it was like for Cas? To be able to sense how they were feeling, to know a thought without hearing it? To touch someone else's soul?

" _I don't think I can explain either, I'm afraid."_  Castiel nearly laughed, Dean knew and he wished Cas really had.  _"Something's telling me my grace has fused with part of your being, I assume from my… well… will to protect you. Uh… it's temporary though, you know, the connection… I'm pretty sure."_

"What do you mean by 'grace' Cas?" Dean wanted to ask more about the 'will to protect him,' he wanted to hear Cas say 'because I love you' but he wouldn't ask.

" _It's like my soul, but it's also kind of the source of my angelic powers."_

"You've learned a lot already," Dean furrowed his brow and tried to focus his eyes. He still couldn't see but it was much brighter, not as depressing. "I just found out you're an angel and you've got all this crazy know-how."

He felt Cas' scoffing despite not really understanding the mechanics of the whole 'sensing stuff' thing,  _"It just sort of comes and goes, I wish I knew how to control it."_

"Wait a second, are you even speaking English?"

" _Nope, our connection helps you understand but I have no freaking clue what I'm speaking."_

Dean was quiet for a bit, letting himself relax because for the first time in ages he felt safe. "We still flying through Hell?"

" _Yes."_

"View get any better?"

" _Did you ever even look at it? But no, not really. In other news though, I think I look kinda cool."_

"No I didn't look at it. And have  _you_  even looked at you?"

" _No I haven't looked at me. But I feel cool, kinda. A little bit."_

"You're cool, Cas." Dean smiled, he missed his brother more than he could really express. But Cas knew that, didn't he? Dean could tell it was a comfort for Castiel, knowing that Dean was mentally at ease. "Flying isn't so bad when you don't know you're flying. Where am I, anyway?"

" _Inside me, I kind of… stored you away to keep you safe."_ Cas was quiet for a few seconds; Dean didn't know what to say.  _"Is that weird?"_

"A little, but thanks."

Cas sacrificed a lot to save him, Dean knew that. He didn't think he was worth it though. It came down to him or humanity, why the hell would Cas go after him instead? Opening Heaven first should've been his priority, right? But he had to ask himself, would he have understood that if he'd died in Purgatory? Those souls were looking to tear him apart and holy shit he didn't want any part of that. "Really Cas, thank you for saving me."

" _I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't."_

Dean felt the gentle caress of Cas' presence, like Cas was nuzzling him mentally. "I love you," Dean meant for it to come out a little more 'brotherly' but it didn't quite make it there, instead it hung in the air as obvious and exposed as he felt. Castiel didn't say anything for a long moment, Dean wasn't sure if he sensed excessive fear, joy, anxiety, relief or anger. Then again he wasn't that good at the whole sensing thing just yet.

" _I… love you, too."_  Cas choked out, even his internal self was struggling to acknowledge it. Dean wanted to reach out to it but instead of touching and consoling Cas he felt like something sucked him in. He'd connected to part of Castiel that showed him something; it gave away pieces of Cas' mind and played behind his eyelids.

The very few kisses they'd shared repeated over and over, those small moments where Castiel looked at him and he hadn't seen it and every feeling attached. Dean couldn't speak, their connection burned brightly on either end as he experienced every thought and emotion that Castiel could have felt during those times.  _He's been in love a long time._  The conclusion crashed into him like a bird on a window, he was stunned and unable to react.

Cas knew it had happened, he wasn't the one to initiate it but he knew. Dean swallowed past a growing lump in his throat, not sure what he was thinking or feeling anymore. "Cas…" he trailed off, trying to find words. "Cas you really… liked me for a long time… I had no idea." He wanted to ask 'why didn't you ever say anything' or 'when you found out I liked you too why didn't you just kiss me' but he knew. Reliving Cas' memories told him, Cas was as unsure as he had been. That moment he spent with Jet talking about it, deciding whether or not he should do something was serious. It was important to him and he didn't want to make the wrong choice, if he'd known that Cas very likely wouldn't have rejected him then he would've done something a long time ago. If he'd known back then he would've done it differently. Part of Dean anticipated saying that when he was forty.

But that was part of life, wasn't it? Looking back and thinking  _If I'd just known this then things would be different._  Except he didn't know then, he couldn't change anything. But he knew it  _now._

" _Even when we thought we were related, yeah…"_  Cas felt anxious, like it might've been weird. Dean understood though, incest wasn't exactly a commonly accepted thought in the United States, let alone the Bible belt.

"That's okay, me too." He laughed to himself, feeling the warmth that small sound gave Cas. "Man, the day mom and dad told us I was so confused. Like I was overjoyed that it wouldn't be incest if I kissed you, but it was so weird hearing that you weren't with us the whole time, I couldn't even imagine how you felt."

" _It was odd for me too."_  Cas was putting it mildly.

Dean was about to speak but paused for a second, "Are you concentrating on Hell right now or are we going to get skewered?"

" _There are a few new things about me, one of which is that I have a new knack for multitasking. Also I have like three heads."_

"That'll take some getting used to…" Dean wasn't sure how to respond to that.

" _Definitely, but more importantly things are going to be a little crazy for a while. Next time I see you with my normal face I'll kiss you again, okay?"_

He smiled though he was worried. "Promise?"

" _I do. Though… you know, feel free to initiate if I've forgotten."_

"I'll remember."

* * *

Jet leaned against the Impala, hands in his pockets and one foot tapping agitatedly as they waited. A roadblock was set on several routes into town; he figured it had something to do with the original outbreak. The police were still in charge, as far as he could tell, and he bet that they all figured the cause and source was waiting somewhere in Lawrence. They were sort of right, he supposed.

"Oh my god…" Sam groaned from the car, its door open so he could at least get some autumn air. "We've tried every single route, how the hell are we supposed to get back?"

"Other than flying?" Jet mused and Sam frowned at him, "Hey, hey, don't give me that look, I'm trying here." His mood had improved in the last several hours of driving, talking to his mom really made a difference. Maybe he'd have nightmares later but at that moment he felt a lot better.

"We're probably the only psychos on the road right now," Bobby grunted as he walked by the Impala irritably. "All these cars are empty; demons must've been through here."

Jet glanced at the fields around them, trees in the distance and a few buildings. That was all normal but that wasn't quite what he was looking at. Blood stained the white walls further down the road and he knew he could smell something coming from the ditches and possibly other cars around them. "Ya think?" He added quietly but no less sarcastically.

"They've got more of a fight on their hands than they can handle," Meg said as her eyes were fixed on the flashing red and blue lights in the distance. She was sitting on the hood of the car, her arms folded over her chest signifying she didn't want to open up much. He wondered about her every now and then, she was close to Cas and that never seemed odd until recently. Meg was friends with the 'hot girls' in school, one of the classic  _Mean Girls_  trio but never really fitting any role. Tomboy friend summed her up enough, he guessed.

"Wouldn't be surprised if we saw the military soon." Mary added, standing next to John a few car lengths ahead.

"Same," Sam muttered exhaustedly, he was lying across the back seat now with his legs dangling outside the car. Jet noted that the moment of silence and peace was odd and made him nervous. He could see it in everyone's faces; they were all waiting for the calm to end and the storm to rage upon them. Or was it the eye of the storm that they were waiting to pass? He didn't know or care, it all amounted to about the same thing anyway.

He wasn't sure what he was doing when his nerves started to catch fire, twiddling his thumbs or maybe just picking at dead skin on the edge of his fingernail. Regardless it was forgotten in seconds when his stomach tied itself into knots. Something was coming.

Jet looked up just in time to see a mess of bodies, grotesque and mutated fast approaching from the east. "Everyone get the fuck down!" He shouted before dropping to the ground and pulling Sam down with him – if he'd been asked in that moment why he couldn't have answered with anything more than an 'it felt right.'

He saw John and Mary fall nearly as quickly as he had, they trusted his judgement apparently and it was a good feeling. Bobby and Karen took a few seconds longer but seeing their friends hit their knees was some good inspiration. Well, that and the demons speeding overhead.

They stayed low and waited; his breath was caught in his throat for those small seconds. The demons didn't pass by; he felt the small tremor from their landing and wanted to close his eyes. Sam's small hands clenching tighter on him was the only thing that kept him alert, fear shut down and his survivability took over.

Meg was the first person he heard, "What do you want?"

"What do you think you're doing?" He didn't recognize the voice but it was scolding if nothing else. "We're hunting down the angel, why are you sitting around? It's not because you've gone soft, is it? You like that angel boy."

"Fuck off, I don't answer to you." Her response was barely a second before a shockwave nearly knocked him forward onto his face. The ground shook and rocks flew over them, debris from whatever attack she'd made.

It all happened so fast, there was some kind of quick command given by the demons and the best Jet understood from it was 'kill the traitor.' Meg was in trouble but he had no ability to help her and it drove him fucking crazy.

The ground shook again, hard enough to move vehicles several inches. He dared to try and peek out at what was going on, Sam held on tight as he peered through the window of the car. He couldn't see Meg anymore, or at least not the human version. There were two demons that looked surprisingly similar in a stalemate, hands locked together and nearly nose to nose. Azazel, he realized that must've been her father.

For a few seconds the two remained still and the other demons circled around, Jet tried to get himself to move but he couldn't be sure which direction was the best way. How the hell were they going to get out of there in one piece?

The ground rumbled again, Jet barely managed to stay on his feet but he did see one thing; the demons weren't causing that. "Oh for fuck's sake…" he groaned.

And then cars went flying. Hesitation gone Jet lifted Sam up and started running, he heard John shouting " _Go go go!"_  He led the way, Sam in his arms and protectively wrapped up around him. Jet weaved through the lines of cars as destruction waved behind him; he had to make it to the field where it was less likely a vehicle would land on his head.

"Jet!" Sam shouted at him and he really didn't want to know why, but he'd ask anyway.

"What!?"

"Turn around! Stop!" Sam struggled and, against his better judgement, Jet stopped. He turned back around, John, Mary, Bobby, and Karen all skidded past him. John was the first one to come back and try and drag him.

"What are you doing, boy!? Move!"

Jet stared at what Sam was talking about and his mouth went dry. The sky to the east was black and moving, the horizon line shifting strangely as an army headed their way. "Oh my god… Sam why would you tell me to stop for  _that?"_

"That's not what I'm talking about," Sam pointed toward the ground where it had started to swell just off the other side of the road. It shook the earth again and split it open; a high frequency tone pierced their ears.

"And why would you stop for  _that!?"_  John shouted back, Jet was starting to stumble along after John's lead. Sam moved to look over Jet's shoulder again, his grip still tight but not scared and a smile on his face.

"I think Cas is coming."


	48. Crawled Up From Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo what up? Just thought I'd say hi and thanks to you wonderful people who read my story (and share it and review it etc.). Love you guys and hope everyone's okay. Happy Valentine's Day folks! (this is going up 20 minutes before that for me but whatever). Hope you enjoy this and don't give money to 50 Shades of Grey ;)

It was indescribable; Sam's heart was in his throat as the horizon edged in closer like a descending wave of space invaders and the ground opened up before him. That awful piercing sound didn't stop either. Jet had him up against his chest, looking over his shoulder Sam watched as the chasm in the ground became large enough to swallow a skyscraper. His eyes widened, he could tell what was happening. His gut feeling told him it was Cas, it absolutely had to be.

Then a long, pale arm reached out of the ground. It was huge and only led to more and more incredible imagery that Sam wasn't even sure he understood. The creature that emerged was barely able to fit out of the gorge it'd made, and as soon as its back was free enormous wings spread out and blocked the sun. It had three heads sticking off of one elongated neck; it looked so elegant despite the size of it. Each face was different, the centre one had wings sticking off where Sam had expected ears, and one set of eyes that glowed white-ish blue. There wasn't a mouth or a defined nose, though the shape was curved as if in the makings of those features. It reminded Sam of a mask, as though someone was wearing a featureless, white mask with only eyeholes carved into it.

Sam couldn't stop staring as it pulled itself from the ground, the chasm closing on itself as it went. He watched it and tried to study it, Sam never wanted to forget how this thing looked. The face on its right side had six eyes, all the same colour, and its shape was more animalistic though still very humanoid. Its muzzle looked almost feline, its mouth open slightly with fangs visible in its grin, and everything about that face felt intense. The left side Sam couldn't see until the being turned its centre head to face them. There were only two sets of eyes there and its shape was much closer to the same as the original head. There were markings all along its face that glowed similarly to the centre eyes; the biggest difference was that it had a nose and a mouth. Its mouth was closed but its eyes were docile, steady. To counteract the docility and ferocity of the other two faces, its centre was neutral and showed no expression with bright eyes.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, unable to focus on how far Jet had run or if he even still was. There wasn't a lot of movement, Sam figured he'd stopped.

Jet was looking now too; mouth agape at the enormity of the newcomer. "Please let that be Cas…" he uttered softly, only Sam could've heard it.

The demons on the horizon hadn't gotten any closer and Sam's examining of this new being didn't change a damn thing but he was glad to put it to memory. His eyes felt like they were watering, his heart pounded heavily and he just wanted to get closer to it. Luckily for him, he supposed, Jet hadn't let go.

The thing reached up with its hand, it looked as though all its fingers were fused into one mass aside from its thumb. It pressed its hand to its abdomen and as light flickered to life where it touched, its hand slowly sunk inside. Sam stared in awe, wondering what it could possibly be doing when he saw it pull something out.

It was Dean. Which meant that that  _had_  to be Cas, didn't it? Right?

"Dean!" Sam squirmed from Jet's grip and bolted toward them, calling ahead. "Cas is that you?"

"Sam! Goddamn it!" Jet shouted after him, very likely in pursuit.

It gently laid Dean in the grassy field, its main set of eyes focused on Sam as he approached. The closer he got the larger it seemed, but the second that it nodded its head he no longer cared. Cas was home. Tears ran down Sam's face before he could speak, he dropped down next to Dean whose eyes were blinking open. "You're okay," he whimpered and dropped his head against Dean's chest, "I can't believe you're okay…" the last sentence he knew what he was saying but it was mumbled and half sobbed against his brother, he wasn't entirely certain anyone else understood. It didn't matter though, Dean probably got the picture.

Dean wrapped his arms around Sam's shoulders and held him, very subtly rocking him back and forth, "Yeah, I'm alive, Sammy."

"Holy shit," Jet walked up to them and nudged Dean with his foot, "did he just pull you out of his stomach?"

"Uh… I dunno?" Dean scoffed at his friend, as if it were obvious, "I didn't see what he did." He turned his head and looked up at Castiel who loomed over the lot of them, getting a good look. "Fuck…" the word slipped through the air like wind, "My first good look at you since the change, lookin' pretty cool."

Castiel responded with a series of syllables that made no sense whatsoever. "What?" Sam furrowed his brow and looked up at his brother.

"Oh, uh Cas you're speaking that weird language still." Dean said so nonchalantly that Sam thought maybe Cas had accidentally left the oven on.

Castiel only shook his head with a strange shrug of his sort-of shoulders. "I don't think he can switch back?" Jet tilted his head curiously, something he'd learned from years of hanging out with Cas.

Their angel brother nodded his head, Jet was right.

"Cas?" John asked as the rest of the adults inched closer, "Son, is that you?"

"Yep," Dean answered as Castiel nodded again.

"Wow, you're amazing," Mary was stunned, her hands partially covered her mouth as she tried to do exactly what Sam had done and memorize his features.

Cas turned away and looked at the distance and the battle going on nearby. He straightened up to a standing position which was when Sam realized he'd been  _crouching_  that whole time. Cas was as tall as a building in the city, his legs were jointed like the depictions of a t-rex, and his arms were far longer than was proportionate to the rest of him.

They must have looked like ants.

Castiel was fast, too. He moved swiftly to where Meg was fighting and reached into the fray. Sam watched with the others as Cas lifted up what looked like was the Meg demon. There was some kind of shift in the earth as some of the demons around them changed their immediate sizes – none had quite expected the angel to arrive in full form.

The next few moments were like watching a monster movie, some of the creatures matched Castiel's size but not very many. The rest were laughably small, some didn't even change. It really showed the ranking of these things. The one that were closest though was Meg's father, and some of his right hand men. Meg stayed smaller, possibly because that was her normal size or because she'd taken a beating from a rather large group of demons. Regardless, Castiel took her and tucked her away like he'd done with Dean. Afterward he locked horns, so to speak, with Azazel. They matched blow for blow, the ground shook even more and drowned out the sounds of oncoming vehicles.

Sam only knew they were there because he saw them down the road, large army issued trucks and he was pretty damn sure there was a tank or two in the back. "The military's here!" He shouted over the earthquakes. They were pretty far off and he was certain they wouldn't make it before the massive horde did, but they were still coming.

Dean and Jet looked at one another, expressions Sam knew to mean 'what the hell does that help?' Though it had been proven that with enough firepower demons were killable, maybe they stood a chance.

* * *

 

Castiel tried to be gentle with the ground beneath his feet; he could feel the weight of their fight and understood immediately why nothing took its full form on Earth. The planet couldn't survive a fight of that magnitude, even demons would prefer a place to go other than Hell and so they didn't trample it flat.

He had no idea who he was fighting against but it was pretty high on the list of toughest fights he'd had thus far. He wanted to ask why they wouldn't just leave, now that Hell was working again why they couldn't just go. But that was stupid and he knew better.

Each movement seemed to make it more dangerous for any people nearby, namely his family. Coming out so close to them was incredible though Cas was pretty sure it had something to do with longing. He could feel his family's hopes for him, wanting to see him and Dean safe and just needing them. It was the first place he would've gone to, wanted to be and so it was. He hadn't expected them to be on the road into town though. And perhaps seeking them out was possibly the worst choice he could've made knowing that the Earth was crawling with demons that would be hunting for him.

Yes, in hindsight it would've been smarter to not do what he did. But now he had the problem of keeping his family alive in the coming onslaught. An army of demons had arrived and his heart was racing.

Castiel's fingers split apart again and he grabbed his attacker's face, at first all it did was laugh. "You can't smite me, angel!" It crooned out the words and mocking laughter until the pain set in. "Wait! What are you doing!? Angels can't do this!"

" _I'm not a normal angel."_  Cas snarled back and pushed his hand further into  _Azazel's_  skull. His mind supplied him with the identity, Meg's father.

Azazel was smart enough to retreat; he wrenched away from Cas' hand and moved as fast as he could away. His lackeys didn't follow suit, however. They took his place and went at Castiel with combined effort. His eyes glowed brighter and he decimated them without a second thought.

" _How the hell are you doing that!?"_  Meg questioned him from her safe place inside him.

" _I'm different, I don't understand how or why but I'm not like any other angel that's ever existed."_

" _You are… new I guess."_  He felt her smile,  _"I figured you were special but I never imagined that the big G would've made you this strong."_

" _I'll thank Him later, after I'm done being pissed about it."_  He responded as another demon disintegrated against his hand.

" _What're you going to do about those guys over there?"_  She brought his attention back to the swarming demons that would indefinitely mutilate his loved ones.

It was a good question. He had all that power, all that strength and what was it good for if he could only use it in small, concentrated bursts? What if he could use it all, would that work? Would that save them?

His mind raced for an answer, he stood above his family with the clock ticking overhead like a fucking bomb. Castiel could see them all, Dean had been standing in front of Sam protectively, Jet right at his side to do the same but also slightly ahead of Dean. John and Mary stood on either side behind their boys, expecting some kind of shockwave to send their kids flying. Bobby and Karen stood a little further away; they hadn't wanted to get too close to the monstrous fights.

There must have been something.

The hideous cries of Hell were etched into his mind and the army of demons headed his way weren't much different. Cas' eyes felt unfocused as he pushed his mind. Think.  _Think goddamn it._

" _There aren't as many demons as it looks like, most of them invaded Heaven. A lot of those are probably illusions; some of them can do that."_  Meg tried to console him after putting him on edge in the first place, at least she felt a bit of remorse for that.

But that was a bright side; there weren't as many demons coming at him as he could see. Some were illusions, some were fake and he'd probably end up swinging at the fakes.

No. He couldn't think like that, he stopped himself before it got worse and concentrated. If all of his power went into one attack, one all-encompassing assault against demon-kind in his vicinity then everyone would be safe. He could smite smaller demons with less than the flick of his wrist so he could bet that most of them would be gone easily. He hoped.

Cas didn't know if it'd work. He slid a leg back and braced himself above his family, wings arched threateningly and eyes glowing brighter than they had yet. He waited and prayed.

To who? Probably himself. Maybe Death if he was listening.

It was the most sickening wait of his life, possibly only seconds long but still too much for him to handle. If he'd been in his human form he would probably have thrown up. But it ended, the demons swarmed him like flies, they were all together and fast.

He'd charged up long enough. Demonic auras were the first thing and only thing he targeted.

" _Wait! Cas what about me!?"_

" _You'll be fine."_  He told her with confidence as he felt the centre of his being trembling, he was ready to burst. His grace spiked and pulsed, each time getting stronger and reaching further.

And then he let it go.

The power surge came from his entire body and cut through the air around him in a split second. The energy held midair like it was trying to pull the slow-mo stunt from the Matrix movies. Cas felt it leaving him, all of it. His energy poured out and with each passing second he felt like collapsing to his knees. He couldn't see, one by one each of his eyes stopped working and showed nothing but darkness.

Were the demons suffering? Did it work? He couldn't tell, his senses had dulled and faded away from him. Meg was gone; he couldn't feel her there anymore.

He felt small all of a sudden. The world he knew went black; he couldn't sense his brothers, his friends, his mom or dad. Cas wanted to cry but he couldn't do that either.

The last thing to go out was his consciousness, like someone was shutting off the lights one by one.


	49. Casualties

Dean stood defensively in awe in front of Sammy, his legs started to feel like Jell-O the more his eyes took in and his brain understood the imagery.

It was like a movie, his mind offered the scenario to try and keep his stomach from violently refusing its contents. He was the camera with a worm's eye view of the protagonist that was about to kick some serious ass. He wasn't a tiny person with no possible way to defend the people he loved from a massive invasion of demons. Just a camera ready to capture the action and raw talent of this make-up covered actor.

It was almost as if Castiel absorbed the light of his environment, the space around him grew darker as he let the demons surround him.  _'Do something!'_ Dean wanted to scream but it was caught his throat, why was Cas just waiting?

He felt a strange static in the air, his hair stood on end and for a second he was certain the moisture in the air was liquid lightning. Time stood still and his heart slowed, everything was suddenly silent – but for only an instant.

Castiel burst with light, it exploded all around them and made Dean cover his eyes. Going form imagining himself as a camera to temporarily blind took very few seconds to occur. The sharp cry of demons pierced his ears as they were each cut short. Dean tried to open his eyes again, blinking incredulously in the fading lighting. Majority of the demons had either vanished or backed the fuck off, retreating temporarily just in case Cas launched another one of those attacks. Dean was pretty sure that a good percentage of them were dead, thankfully.

As the excitement slowly faded Dean noticed something was wrong with Cas. The giant swayed above them, skin still giving off a pale glow as he barely remained upright. "Cas?" Dean called out but his voice didn't reach, Cas didn't respond. His brother's wings slowly drooped down to his sides and for a moment Dean was sure Cas was shrinking.

Wait no  _he really was_. Cas' size diminished gradually at first but soon sped up, the light becoming brighter and separating into two bodies. Instinctively Dean knew which one was Cas even before the glow faded away and ran to meet him. Castiel was collapsing and if Dean hadn't been as fast as he was he wouldn't have been able to catch him. He had Cas in his arms as he fell to his knees to keep his balance; Cas' weight was a little more unexpected for him than he'd like to admit.

"Cas! Hey, can you hear me? Cas?" Dean cupped his hand to Cas' cheek, those blue eyes closed and his mouth hung loosely open giving no response. "Cas, c'mon man, talk to me."

"Is he breathing?" Mary rushed up to his side and checked Cas' forehead for his temperature, her eyes fixed on his chest to check for movement. There wasn't any, but Dean figured that might have something to do with Cas' not being human.

"Mom, I don't think angels breathe…" He remembered Cas being soaking wet back at the school when he was being assaulted by the resident Jesus-freak and his cohorts.

Mary was in the midst of getting Cas ready for CPR when she paused and looked at him, "We really can't take that chance, Dean. Please lie him down." Dean did as he was told and let his mom take over; she'd always kept up with her First Aid license even after knowing about Cas' ability to heal. Never know when one of your kids will need the Heimlich.

Dean looked over at Jet who had actually similarly stepped forward to catch Meg; she was slumped against him and limp in his arms. "She breathing?"

"Yeah," Jet nodded and looked down at her, "I assume so anyway."

Dean blinked rapidly, his brain processing that. "What do you mean you-"

"I'm not unconscious, Dean." Meg groaned, "I'm just resting my eyes…"

"I'm just glad he spat you out," Sam laughed anxiously and she gave him a tired smile.

"His heart isn't beating," Mary cut in with fear in her voice but it was far from taking over, instead she demanded assistance. "John I need you to get over here and breathe into him every 30th compression." She moved next to Cas' chest and John dropped down beside his head.

Dean watched with growing anxiety as they blew air into his brother and pumped his chest repeatedly. It was several seconds passing that made him want to throw up, Cas wasn't breathing and his heart had stopped. That was normal, right? An angel could handle that, right?

But Cas looked human, and Dean was pretty sure that wasn't of his own accord. Did that mean angel-grace was gone too?

To keep himself sane he tried to convince his mind that Cas being an angel meant he didn't need to breathe. The more time slipped by the more he needed to believe it. It was the sole thought in his mind as he watched his parents try to revive for several minutes with no results.

Karen and Bobby looked at one another, she could barely keep herself together so he walked over to the Winchesters and placed a hand on Mary's shoulder then John's, he was quiet with an expression that Dean didn't want to look at. "I think that's enough," he whispered softly but they didn't listen, not for another minute until Mary paused and listened to Cas' chest. She lay still for a few seconds, waiting and then letting reality sink in.

"Oh my god, my baby," she gasped as she choked on her own words and lifted Cas up gently. Dean felt his legs go numb and his mind blanked out completely, only repeating the phrase 'he's an angel, it's okay' over and over again. "Cas, sweetie…" she held the last syllable as her vocal chords constricted and she started sobbing.

Dean couldn't move, his dad pulled both Mary and Cas against him tightly and Sam stumbled over to them but Dean couldn't move. His heart weighed more than the rest of him and his lungs couldn't work. Castiel was fine, that's how angels worked.

The ground shook beneath their feet and the sound of gunfire echoed nearby. The soldiers were closer and they'd run into what was left of the demon horde that came after them.

"Cas?" Sam muttered weakly as he knelt down beside them and reached up to touch his face, "He still feels warm, though… Maybe Dean's right?" He sounded hopeful.

"Dean's either right or Cas spent every last ounce of strength he had just now and what you've got is reality." Meg said bitterly, she'd been put down at one point but Dean wasn't paying attention. He was pretty sure Jet lost the strength in his arms over the last few minutes. Meg was upset too; Dean went to school with her long enough to know when her anger was set up as a defence rather than just her being a dick. "We have bigger problems right now." She added with her gaze transfixed on the distant battle.

It wasn't so distant anymore.

A bomb exploded not too far away and made Dean's ears ring as well as knocked him down. His mind was a mess, it was like in the movies when everything was blurry and he could see like three of everything as it slowly came back into focus. He'd flown a few feet and his head hurt. He saw Jet; the asshole was made of bricks or something because he managed to crawl over to Sam. Sam was face down in the grass, slowly trying to sit up but not being terribly successful. If Jet was gonna make it to Sam first then Dean knew he could focus on the others.

His mom and dad were separated from Sam by several feet and part way in between them was Cas. Castiel was just lying there on his back, head dropped off to the side and unmoving.

Dean pushed himself up; he had to make it to Cas. His legs were noodles and another explosion a few yards away didn't help. It was either the army firing on them or the demons deflecting some of the missiles launched. Either way, he wasn't pleased.

It took more effort to right himself than he thought, seeing Jet crawl through the dirt made more sense now than it had several seconds earlier. Dean made it to Castiel and lifted his brother into his arms, feeling just how limp he was all over again.

But Sam was right; Cas was still warm, even right at that moment.

"Cas?" Dean quietly pleaded, shaking Castiel gently, "Man, you made me a promise, remember?" Tears ran down his face as he steadily whispered.

"Stop firing the rockets!"

"C'mon, you son of a bitch, come  _on!"_ Dean gripped Castiel tighter.

"Civilians at our 3 o'clock! Stop firing the goddamn rockets!"

Things were so shaky for him in the following seconds. He felt hands on him, dragging him to his feet. Dean refused to let go of Cas, he held his brother tightly to his chest as he was hauled away. He saw the people, their uniforms, they were marines. His heartbeat and breathing drowned out the rush of shouting soldiers, he saw the mouths of his family moving but he couldn't hear them anymore.

Cas hadn't woken up. Dean felt sick.

The next thing he knew they were pulled back from the front lines and rushed to an armoured truck. Not everyone fit, Dean and his family were in one, the Singers, Jet and Meg were in another. Sam put up a bit of a fuss but Dean wasn't totally paying attention. Castiel was in his lap and propped up against his shoulder, Dean reached up and cradled the back of Cas' head. He didn't want to look at anyone; he knew their eyes were on him. He wished that someone around them had some kind of knowledge about angels, someone who could just say 'no he's fine, give him a minute.'

_He is fine; he's going to wake up._

"What are you folks still doing here?" One of the soldiers in the front shouted back at them, it was hard to hear him.

"We were trying to get home," John answered shortly

"Well you're lucky Captain Uziki was there, if he hadn't seen you I don't know what would've happened."

John nodded, "We're grateful for that." He continued to talk to the soldiers and was explaining their situation. Dean stopped listening, he didn't care anymore.

Sam inched closer and reached over to touch Cas' arm, it was so hesitant and scared. Dean understood, if he hadn't held Cas yet he would've felt the same way about touching him. Would his skin feel different? Would he be stiff? Is that still Cas?

Mary put her arm around Dean's shoulders and at least tried to give him a hug, "I love you, boys." She whispered brokenly, trying to keep it together but it was killing her. They were all experiencing nightmares like that one Christmas so many years ago. Dean still remembered seeing his family being thrown like ragdolls, blood everywhere and his own heart in his throat as he ran at his grandfather. The last thing he'd heard was his mom screaming before it went dark and silence fell. And then he saw Cas.

"He's still warm." Sam muttered quietly, Dean almost missed it over the obnoxious volume of the truck. "That's not right, is it? He shouldn't be warm anymore, right?"

"I don't know, sweetheart." Mary gently placed a hand on his head to ruffle his hair but instead it just slipped off without much energy put in.

They were driven away from the immediate danger and to an armored ambulance where medical personnel were waiting. The two vehicles were unloaded and everyone was checked out – except for Cas. Dean didn't let them get near, he knew what they'd say and then they'd take him away. He wasn't going to let them take Cas away.

"Son, you need to let go of-"

"Get the hell away from me!" Dean shouted viciously, his nose scrunched up in a snarl as he clutched Castiel a little tighter. He could tell he'd been bruising the soft skin beneath, but that was okay as long as Cas would wake up to feel it. "You can't touch him, don't you dare get any closer."

"Dean, you need to put him down." Mary was practically pleading, her eyes were watering and her jaw clenched in a way that could only mean trying to hold it all back. He'd never heard her tone so shaken and serious at the same time; she was pleading yes, but also demanding it. Castiel needed to be laid to rest, he couldn't hold onto him forever.

"He's going to wake up," Dean was surprised at the way his own voice sounded, he was angry and distraught but it wavered more than his mother's. He sounded so broken to his own ears. "He promised me something, he  _promised me_."

"Dean," Sam spoke softly, a concerned hushed whisper that urged him to just let go.

"No." Dean snapped at his brother, "No, I won't. I won't put him down."

A hand rested on his shoulder and he looked up at his dad standing behind him, tears in the old man's eyes as he shook his head. "Then don't, but eventually you'll have to."

He clenched his jaw to keep it from trembling, "Thanks dad." Dean looked back down at Cas' still face, nothing moving but everything the way he remembered it.

"He was a beautiful boy," John sighed and walked over to the medics, the ground still shaking in the distance as bombs exploded and weapons were fired.

Dean sat down alone with Castiel in his lap, away from the others and left to his own thoughts and mind. Maybe that wasn't the best idea. He ran his hand through Cas' hair slowly and stared at the ground ahead of him. He couldn't explain the emotion running through him, the anger and sorrow that fought over his consciousness drowned out understanding. It hurt; it hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced. He knew loss was a painful thing, he'd seen it in his mom and his friend first hand but never did he imagine it hurt like this.

How did they make it through that? He wondered it over and over as he sat there. How on earth did they survive it, or move on? The world should've stopped turning, and without Castiel it very well could have. Nothing would function the same way, no one would go back to daily life as it was, the world was over.

And Dean preferred it that way. If someone like Cas had to die then the world that killed him didn't deserve to continue.

But that wasn't right, was it? It wasn't the world that killed Cas, it was circumstances and decisions. Cas chose him over the world and the world burned for it. Dean was the result of that, and here he was wishing he'd gone down instead. Tears fell freely again as he cradled who could have been the love of his life, "It should be me," it was cliché but he understood why everyone in every sad movie ever said it. "I should be the one that died, not you." He dropped his head down against Cas' shoulder and let himself cry. His fingers dug into Cas' shirt and held on tight as he wept.

The longer he cried the less it hurt so he cried harder; he didn't stop himself from loving Cas this time. Castiel deserved every bit of affection shown and Dean would never deny him that after he was gone, he wished he hadn't denied it at all. If he'd gone to Cas sooner, if he'd said 'I love you, please be with me' at the start this wouldn't have happened. Or at least he wanted to tell himself that.

Moments passed and something in his heart was eased, he felt better. It almost made him angry that he could feel better, but that was soothed and ebbed away. Dean relaxed within minutes and just rested his head there, he couldn't do anything anymore. It didn't dawn on him for another few minutes that he only knew one person who could put him at ease like that.

"Cas?" Dean snapped out of it and lifted his head, looking down at Cas' still expression. It hadn't moved, but Cas was there. "Can you hear me?" Dean brushed his hand over his brother's cheek and cradled his head, "Please say something, give me something…"

A soft and almost silent whine escaped Castiel, his eyelids shifted with the movement right beneath them. Cas was figuring out that they weren't open, but soon his lashes began to flutter. "Dean?" He groaned weakly. "Why are you so sad?"

Dean felt like he'd explode, he pulled Cas back against him into another hug, squeezing the life out of him again. "You're alive, oh my god…"


	50. What's He Doing With That Corpse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to thank you guys for reading this, I realize that this is chapter 50 and holy shit I didn't expect it to go this far. Seriously, 20 chapters at best, right? Nope, not me apparently. Anyway happy chapter 50! Love you guys, thanks for reading and please comment if you can, I wanna hear your thoughts on all this :)

"I haven't died," Cas repeated the words, he was tired and he wanted to sleep but he would speak if it would keep Dean's soul quiet. He remembered fighting the demons and he remembered his energy draining away to nothing and then it was all gone. And that was it, next thing he knew it was pitch black and all he could hear was Dean. Dean was screaming, his soul was on fire and burning Cas up just through sound. He felt like the specks of his grace that remained were reaching, stretching thinly across to touch and soothe the agonized soul. Slowly they'd come back to him, enough energy to reach his brother.

Dean was in so much pain; he'd nearly torn himself apart from the inside. Cas was glad he had enough strength to fix it; small tears were easy before they split any further. Every now and then he felt that spike inside Dean when he'd been quiet too long, fear that he'd passed out or died for real this time.

"I'm still here," he whispered and let that do the soothing for him. He couldn't keep sending energy into Dean; otherwise he really would kill himself.

"You weren't breathing," Dean muttered against his shoulder, still not letting him go.

"Angel's don't breathe." Cas replied tiredly, his eyes closing again.

"Your heart stopped."

That was new, Cas was pretty sure he could feel his heartbeat. Or was that his imagination? "That must be new," he decided aloud. "Can you hear it now?"

Dean slid down and listened to his chest, he stayed there for a few seconds before he shook his head, "No… so you don't have a heart anymore?"

"I guess my anatomy works differently now." Cas smiled weakly when Dean lifted himself up to see him.

The way Dean's eyes changed through emotions made Cas' chest ache instinctively, he must've still had a heart there right? "You're so beautiful, Cas." Dean whispered and made his figurative heart stop altogether.

Cas let Dean lean in closer, their eyes locked for moments that vanished faster than they could count them. Cas tilted his head the best he could but he had to wait for Dean to come down before they could kiss. It was so gentle, Cas cherished every passing second that warmth washed over his skin. Dean's lips were soft and giving, pushing when needed but relenting strength as Cas demanded. It made his legs feel weaker and his grace pump up, he was so glad they could share this. The times they'd shared before, the first kiss that made him so happy and so anxious at the same time were like distant memories. He was living in a dream now, some kind of nightmarish dream.

Dean didn't want to break it off and Cas certainly wouldn't take it away. It deepened and became more than Cas thought he was ready for, but nothing ever waited for that. He found the strength to at least hold onto Dean in return as he was lifted closer, Dean's hands and arms supported him like nothing else could. Cas melted into him and Dean did the same, they couldn't imagine being separate.

"Dean?" Cas recognized Jet's voice but didn't pull away, he couldn't move further down. Dean didn't move either. Jet walked around to their area, an empty partition of some kind of tent and Cas almost laughed at the soft,  _"Oh,"_  that escaped. Through his lost state he still managed to notice Jet's approaching steps, they were cautious and almost silent. It was then that Cas realized it must've looked like Dean was kissing a corpse, assuming everyone really thought he'd died back there. And this time he laughed.

He felt the way Dean's mouth smiled against his as he tried desperately not to giggle about the ideas that must have been running through Jet's mind.

"Wait, is he alive?" Jet asked in astonishment, he was hesitant to truly believe it. "Cas?"

"Hi," Cas offered a pitiful wave of his hand; actually the more he thought about it the more he realized it was just him letting go of Dean's jacket and dropping his limb like a rock. It was kind of funny and made him snicker again, "Sorry, I don't know why it's so funny."

Jet's eyes lit up with life and the hint of tears. "No, no it's okay." He rubbed his face and walked over to them, "I don't mind hearing you laugh right now." He knelt down and pulled Cas partially away from Dean to hug him. Dean allowed it though he didn't make any move to put distance between them. Jet's hug was strong and Cas couldn't say he'd ever felt more loved by the guy than right at that moment.

"I'm alright," he reassured them both, "I'm just very tired, I have no energy left."

"I can tell," Jet loosened his grip with a grin aimed Cas' way, "You're like a limp noodle."

"Thanks," Cas said with a smile in return and quietly waited until Jet gave him back to Dean. It was comforting to be in the warmth of his brother's lap, there was nothing waiting for him.

Or at least not until he realized that he'd passed out in the middle of something. "What happened? Where are we?"

"I was waiting for him to ask," Jet remarked but Dean shushed him.

"Don't worry about that right now, okay? You've only been out for an hour or two. Nothing happened."

"Don't do that, man. He's just gonna fill it in with his imagination." Jet looked Cas right in the eye and explained, something Cas really appreciated. "You vaporized a shitload of them but there was still quite a few left on the edge of your reach. You ended up shrinking into just you and Meg, both of you collapsed but she was fine and still conscious. The army got close enough to start shooting rocket launchers at the demons, some rockets were knocked aside slash went astray and wound up crashing really close to us. They realized they fucked up and hauled us back to where they kept their medical tent and crew and we've been sitting around here for a little over an hour waiting for something to happen."

Cas had to hand it to him, that about summed it all up without any real details. Pretty fast too. "Thanks, is anyone hurt?"

"We're all a little banged up but everybody's still with us." Dean reassured him, a gentle expression on his face that was enough to calm him down.

"So there are soldiers fighting the demons?"

"Yeah," Dean and Jet said in unison.

"Are they winning?"

"No idea." / "Fuck if I know."

Cas smiled at them, it wasn't great news but it was good enough. "I think I should see Sam, mom and dad. They must be in a lot of pain right now."

Dean picked him up and carried him through to where the others were sitting. Everyone was present, and from what Cas could see it looked like Nikki had shown up as well. "Oh, I'm glad she made it," he spoke softly and looked at Jet who nodded.

"I didn't know she was here," Dean sounded almost offended.

"I was coming to tell you," Jet rolled his eyes, by now everyone was looking their way.

At first it was a sombre kind of greeting, the way Dean carried Cas around must have looked so morbid. Cas changed that was a simple smile and a; "Hello, I'm not dead."

"Cas!" Sam was the first one to react and he ran across the room like a shot. He buried his face between Cas' cheek and Dean's shoulder, hugging as tightly as he could. Cas did his best to return it but he wasn't able to do much. It was very frustrating.

"I'm so sorry for putting you through that," he kissed the side of Sam's head once and rested his cheek against it.

Mary didn't have words but Cas could feel the intensity of her emotion as she hesitantly crossed the room. If he weren't talking at that moment and she was imagining his smile she would hate herself for hoping, he knew her well enough to know that much.

"I'm alive, mom." He tried to offer some kind of support or confidence that she could trust herself; it took a little bit of convincing as well as his dad leading her closer. Mary took him in her arms then; Dean was more than willing to let her. Cas loosely draped his arms over her and dropped his head against her shoulder, Dean meanwhile explaining that Cas had no strength to lift his head so to be gentle.

Mary adjusted her hold and carefully lowered him down to the floor all the while staring at his face, "Sweetheart, you're really alive…?" She whispered and brushed her hand over his cheek, he could see it all in her eyes. Hope and belief took the place of doubt and the despair that was consuming her; she couldn't save her little boy. "My baby," she hiccupped a sob and gradually fell into relief, she was holding him and he was alive. "You're okay, oh my god…" the words were strained as she fought to speak over the desperate breathing.

She hugged him like the others, tightly and unrelenting. Cas saw his dad over her shoulder, John stood with tears running down his face and a pained but relieved smile. Cas rarely saw him show that much raw emotion, it was something he'd never forget.

John couldn't just stand there much longer; he went to their side and hugged both him and Mary. "Are you okay, dad?" Cas asked quietly and he nodded, mouthing yes but no sound came out.

"I can't…" John tried to say but his voice broke, he had to sniffle hard and turn his head back a bit to try and keep tears in though there was no way he'd be able to do that. "I can't talk." When he finally said it he spoke quickly and it was distressed at best. Cas didn't ask anything else; he just sat there and let them hug him.

It wasn't until later that he noticed the echoing and distant explosions, and that was only when they'd stopped. "They either won or the demons took off." Meg pointed out; she hadn't left the room he was in since he'd gotten back. "No way they'd pass up killing you when you're exhausted."

"They might already think he's dead," Sam suggested, Cas could only wish he was right.

"True," Jet added with some confidence, "Meg couldn't tell if he was alive or not so how could they?"

Meg's face lit up a bit, "He's right, actually. Cas they might think you're dead, that's great news!"

"Wonderful," Cas smiled at her, "And how does that help?"

"They won't be hunting us down, at least not until your grace comes back a little bit."

He liked her enthusiasm, it looked good on her. "Well at least we can take a bit of a break then, right?" Everyone seemed okay with that, it'd been nothing but craziness for him and Dean, he had no idea what the rest had gone through.

As they relaxed for a little while the door-flap to their separated section opened and a younger man stepped inside with two other soldiers behind him. Cas looked over, he could tell by the way they were decorated that the one who entered first was ranked higher. "Good afternoon, folks." He smiled and it seemed genuine, "How's everyone doing? Did we hurt you?"

"My ears are still ringing," Jet complained and his mom elbowed him, "ow! It's true."

The man nodded and looked at the rest of them, then to Castiel, "Young man have you been looked after?"

"I'm alright, yes. Thank you." Cas uttered quietly, resting on Dean after being passed around too many times. Everyone wanted to care for him but they all had to come to terms when Bobby told them that it wasn't doing him much good to pass him around like a hot potato.

"Captain, you're needed and it's urgent," another soldier entered abruptly, she had a similarly terrified aura around her as most of the others. Cas couldn't really blame them, how could they possibly be prepared for what was happening? Though he did wonder how long it had been since he'd left in the first place.

"Right," the captain gave her a quick nod before smiling at them again, "Sorry, I guess we'll have to have a chat later."

"Wait, are you Captain Uziki?" John asked before the man could leave.

"That'd be me," He tilted his head a little, Cas noticed he had a strong jawline.

"I just wanted to thank you for calling off the assault," John stuck his hand out, "John Winchester,"

"Shimizu Uziki, and you're welcome." He took John's hand and Cas could tell it was a firm shake. "You all should be safe here, I'll be back as soon as I can to talk."

Jet wasn't one to really care about formalities; he was trying to figure out the captain's nationality based on the man's appearance and name. "Shimizu? You don't look-"

"My father was a mix of Japanese and Korean, my mother was of Swedish decent, happy?" It looked as though the captain gave this explanation more than once; Cas figured being a not completely white male in the military couldn't be an easy thing.

"Yeah, sorry." Jet wasn't that sorry, Cas could tell by his tone but it wasn't like captain Uziki was all that offended either. Regardless, Nikki slapped Jet's arm as punishment.

Cas wondered about that, he'd seen her hit Jet a few times for being a dumbass. Nothing severe but it was a little odd for Jet to act like that in front of his mom to begin with. Cas had a feeling he knew, Nikki's smacks and elbowing was stronger now than it had ever been. She really could slap him for being an idiot and maybe that's something Jet kind of enjoyed, knowing his mom was strong enough to knock him around a bit. Nikki did always seem to be the kind of mom you'd fear pissing off, assuming she'd ever be healthy. Cas was glad he could heal her, even if he might've ended the world days later.

"So Jet being an idiot aside," Meg spoke up once the military folks were gone, "Any ideas what they wanna talk to us about?"

"Probably what we saw when we were over there." Mary said as if remembering it, "I mean we were right where Cas came out of the ground, we got a good view of everything."

John was looking toward the door, "I'm wondering why a captain's in charge on a battlefield this big, I think something must have happened out there. I can't say with confidence that we're winning."

Cas shook his head, "We won't win until I get to Heaven." He wished he could've backed that up with some kind of strength in his voice but he was just too goddamn tired. And sleeping still wasn't a thing he was able to do despite his exhaustion.

"Well good news is you're speaking English, right?" Dean smiled down at him and Cas couldn't help but return it.

"True."

"What was he speaking before?" Sam raised an eyebrow at them.

"Something I think I'd need to use my angel power to speak," Cas rolled his eyes and looked Sam's way dramatically. "It wasn't anything I've ever heard of, not that I'm a linguist or anything."

"My point is we can't just sit here," Meg interrupted again; she was agitated. "Cas' grace is coming back and once they get a whiff of it he's a big target and we're all screwed."

"Being surrounded by soldiers is a good place to be in that scenario, I think we should stay here." John argued and she glared at him.

"Not if they find out Cas is the target. It'll be a lot of questions to answer and you might not get to hang onto your son."

"Then we just tell them before that happens," Cas tried to speak louder to stop them before they started a heated debate. It didn't work as well as he'd hoped but they turned to stare at him as if he were nuts anyway. "There's no saying that they're going to take me away, that's just distrusting. They'll want answers and I have no reason to hide anything from them, demons are attacking the planet right now and I don't want to tell them what I am?"

"If there's a demon possessing one of them you wouldn't want to," she had a point but he shook his head.

"The demons by now would know what they're looking for and they'd know you. If one of them was here they'd already be trying to kill me, there's no point in hiding it."

"Besides," Jet looked at her with a skeptical expression, "Wouldn't you be able to see if they were demons?"

"Well, yeah but what if I'm not around?" Meg's lip nearly curled up in a snarl at Jet, she didn't like his tone, "I'm not his babysitter."

"Then we'll handle it," Jet wouldn't back down even if she had her demon form growling in his face, Cas could even picture it.

"Please don't fight," Karen asked from the corner, "if Castiel wants to talk about it then let him. I think we should stay here for now, though. It's safer than running about on our own."

"Plus we have nowhere to go, the town's been blocked off." Nikki added.

Meg looked at Cas, he could tell she wanted to say she was out, that this was all ridiculous. But she couldn't do it, she was as happy to see him alive as anyone else and to leave him to die right after getting him back was silly.

"Thank you," Cas told her and she looked away.

"For what?"

"You took care of them when I couldn't. I can't thank you enough for that."

She scoffed at him but nodded, "You're welcome, idiot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO! Just had an idea.
> 
> It's the 50th chapter right? So why don't you guys comment a scene you'd like to see drawn? I'm a pretty good artist and I think this would be a lot of fun. Please let me know!


	51. Report to Authority

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll start working on doing the pictures that I can, I've got a list going now and if something comes to mind please feel free to add to it (I'll do what I can, I promise). For those of you who haven't seen any of my work, my profile on this site has links to my art so you can get an idea of what I might be able to do :D

 

Castiel found his recovery was slow and that alone made him want to throw a tantrum befitting a teenage angel. Healing usually came quick to him and he'd expected that within an hour or two he'd have his strength back. That wasn't the case. He was constantly tired but couldn't sleep, he was able to stand but walking was another story, and his mind continuously looped through a mess of 'I want to be with Dean,' 'I want to relax and heal,' and 'I have obligations that won't go away.' He was pretty sure he'd tear his own hair out if he had the strength to do it.

But the worst part, he thought, was when they were given food. Dean was the one who set Cas up and was more than willing to feed him, his arms would get tired quickly as it was and no one wanted him to end up with food all over him. Cas argued it first and insisted he'd feed himself. The first forkful barely made it off the plate but he managed to hover it slowly toward his mouth. Nothing wound up on him but after two or three times he was tiring out. That wasn't the part that he was disappointed with.

Everything tasted weird, like he could tell what each of the tiniest parts of it were. He put his arm down and let the plate sit there, his frown deepening the more he realized what that meant. He didn't need to eat anymore, just like sleeping.

"Do you need help?" Dean leaned over as genuinely concerned as he could possibly be without pissing Cas off.

"No," Cas mumbled and closed his eyes despairingly.

"You really should eat, dear." Karen tried to help but he shook his head at her.

"It isn't that. I just can't eat anymore."

"You're already full?" Mary asked with big eyes, surprised that he'd only managed three mouthfuls.

"No, not that either. I just can't eat." Cas motioned vaguely toward the plate, "It doesn't taste like anything I know, and what it does taste like isn't any good." He looked up at the slightly concerned faces of the people who didn't fully grasp what he meant. Jet, Sam, and Meg all started to nod as if they understood but the others were still pretty confused. "It's like when I stopped sleeping, I no longer need to eat."

"Oh, like that." John bobbed his head in a nod of understanding, Dean and Mary joining him but the Singers and Nikki scrunched their brows a little harder. "Since Cas is an angel he doesn't need to sleep, and now apparently he doesn't need to eat anymore either."

"When did he stop sleeping?" Nikki asked and looked at Jet who shrugged.

"A while ago, it wasn't that big a deal." Jet tried to shrug it off but his mom was clearly unhappy with the fact that he'd kept something from her. "It was Cas' business to tell, I wasn't going to go around blabbing about it."

"Fair enough," she let it go then looked back at Cas, "How can you tell you don't need to eat?"

"The taste… it's not a flavour, I can tell what everything is made of."

"That's weird." Dean reached over and gave Cas' shoulder a pitying squeeze, "I'm so sorry, man."

It was kind of funny the way he'd said it, like it was truly the biggest tragedy of the day and it made Castiel smile. He lifted his hand and placed it on Dean's as he nodded his head, "Thank you, that means a lot."

"Guess you won't be eating that, then." Jet said as he lifted Cas' plate away.

"Go for it," Cas waved it off like he never wanted to see it again.

As the finished off their admittedly less than extravagant meal, captain Uziki approached them. "Sorry to keep everyone waiting," he smiled and Cas noted that he liked it, there wasn't anything hiding behind that smile. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Please," Bobby offered a seat.

They'd been in a sectioned off area of the small encampment, it was at least a mile away from the main combat area. Or at least that's what they told Cas. He looked up and watched the captain go and sit down, the man removed his helmet and ran a hand through dirty blonde hair. Cas pursed his lips and nodded to himself, he'd expected a brunet.

"So you folks saw what was going on out there, you coping alright?" He tended to ask if everyone was okay, Cas figured he felt bad for nearly blowing them up – or so he'd been told happened.

"It wasn't the first time some of us saw them," John replied with a nod, "We're functioning at least." With those last words he gave Jet a short glance, Cas looked to his friend who had tilted his head in acknowledgement. What happened while he'd been gone?

"Sorry to hear that, but I do need to know if you guys know anything? Anything at all?" Cas could tell the others were still a bit skeptical of what to say, whether or not they should say anything. Jet had detailed it pretty well; it's Cas' business to share. Cas wasn't entirely sure that all of it was his business though, his parents found him and took him in, his entire family knew what he was and he'd even said he was okay with sharing. That being said, no one wanted to be the first one to speak.

"I know most of everything you need to hear," Meg broke the short silence and Cas was immensely grateful for it. Just because he was some new-fangled angel type and the 'one to save Heaven' didn't mean his public speaking skills were all that great.

"We all know a little something, captain." Mary added a little protectively, she couldn't have a young girl being the only one to speak up for her son.

"Please," his smile widened in a genuinely kind way, "call me Shimizu." He made Cas feel better about saying anything. Cas knew there was no reason to hide it but paranoia from watching too many movies could still get to you.

* * *

A lot of information was exchanged and it took their new friend a little time to muddle through it all. Shimizu was, by the end of the stories, leaned back in his chair casually, then leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees, and finally sitting slumped with one leg crossed over the other while his hand rested thoughtfully on his cheek. It was a lot to take in and he was more or less quiet throughout each of their recalling of what had happened in the last few days.

Cas for one was glad to hear that it had only been a few days that passed and not months. Hell messed with his internal compass and timer.

"Okay," Shimizu adjusted his position and attempted to look a little more professional. "Let's get this straight, sixteen years ago a baby was left in your car," He pointed at John who gave a shallow dip of his head to confirm, "by a man with wings that flew away. You tried to give him back but all legal paperwork said he was yours, despite you not giving birth to him." He then looked at Mary who gave the same gesture as her husband; their heads had even tilted a little off kilter in the exact same direction. "So you raise him since the world would think you insane and what the hell, you already had one kid why not two. Kid grows up, some weird coincidences you can pretty much shrug off happen, no big deal, so he can come out of concussion without a single bump, so what."

Cas enjoyed the captain's retelling of the story; he was very animated in the way he spoke. It might've been because he'd had a little too much crazy for one day, but it was still fun to see.

"But then one day he stops sleeping. He heals people by touching them, and you realize that your kid isn't normal and that the guy with wings really did have wings. Fast forward a very tiny bit later, our young man here sprouts wings from his back too and manages to set off Hell breaking loose. All on his own, he just crosses a magical border he shouldn't have and boom! Everything we know is burning." Shimizu squinted hesitantly at them all, "Do I have that right?"

"Basically, yeah." Dean nodded, his lips pursed together in an almost 'duck face' way.

"Alright," the captain ran his hand down his face, a habit Cas noticed he had when he was frustrated with his own confusion. It'd taken a long while to get him to that point; he asked a lot of questions when someone just assumed something was obvious. Breaking down the story to its basics was essentially giving Castiel's life story from everyone else's point of view. Obviously Cas and Meg had most of the answers when it came to anything less than normal, but explaining things from an outside perspective really helped. "I'm almost scared to ask this, but what's it gonna take to fix it?"

Castiel curled his lips in and pressed them together as the captain's gaze shifted his way. He knew that he had to open Heaven but he wasn't sure if that was going to fix anything. It couldn't hurt, right? "Well I need to unseal Heaven the way I did Hell." That was as simply as he could put it, and so far Shimizu was with him.

"Okay, and how do we get you there?"

And there it was, the question that had Cas stumped. "I uh… I don't know, I've never been there."

The captain then looked over at Meg who was the other one likely to know. She raised her eyebrows as if surprised the question went her way, "Uh, well I know there's a gate through Hell-"

"It's blocked off, I tried it." Cas shook his head immediately. Not to mention he didn't want to go back there.

"There has to be something else," Mary sounded upset as she looked between Cas and Meg, "He can't go back there." She was on his page; it made him feel better to know they wouldn't let it happen either.

"We're not going to send him back," Dean agreed firmly, "Maybe Death knows something?"

Cas shrugged, "I guess he would, though I don't know if he'll help me now…" he remembered hearing Death's voice, that strong demand telling him to run from the gates in Hell. "It's worth a shot, but I can't go yet, I can barely stand."

"So the plan then is to wait while you heal," the captain contemplated out loud, his chin now resting on his propped up hand.

"Well, that and protection." Meg pointed out, "When his grace is strong enough to sense all the demons will be headed this way to pick him off. If he gets up to Heaven then the other angels can come down and the Hell takeover is pretty much done. They don't want that, you can imagine."

Shimizu nodded slowly as he lifted his head and straightened his posture. "Alright, sounds to me like Castiel is the only shot we have. It also sounds like no one is going to believe me."

"Why are you in charge here, anyway?" John dared to ask and the captain shook his head.

"We weren't as successful as we would've liked to be," he looked at Cas and Cas wasn't sure what exactly was going through the stranger's mind. It could've been a number of things, but the most Cas could read on his face was concern. "I don't know what the decision will be when I relay all of this, but don't worry; you'll get as much protection as I can muster."

"That's comforting, thank you." Mary was really good at that grateful mom voice; Cas knew she could use it whether or not she was even thankful. She was being sincere at that moment but he'd heard it when she was lying too.

When the captain left they all relaxed, he'd been there for quite some time and they all had to relive parts of the past they hadn't expected to that day. Cas looked at them all apologetically, "Sorry you had to go through that…"

"Shut up, Cas. We'd go through worse for you and you know it." Jet smirked at him; it was always a welcomed expression on his friend's face. "We should get some sleep though; it's been a long fucking day."

"Language." Nikki warned him and he shrugged sheepishly at her.

Before Cas knew it he was tucked in close to Dean, Sam on his other side and his parents very nearby. There wasn't a lot prepared and ready to house a bunch of people at the temporary military campsite, so they were all crammed in together like a big family. Cas loved it, really. He and Meg were the two that would remain awake throughout the night but they wouldn't speak much. She smiled at him when he looked her way and he'd do the same. Dean was breathing lightly but his grip on Cas was incredible for a sleeping guy.

It was nice. It reminded him why he wanted to be better; it was all he needed to remember and refuel him. His family loved him, his friends would do anything for him, he'd made strong bonds and the last thing he wanted was to lose them.


	52. Here's Looking at You, Meg part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys, so I'll start by saying thank you for all the feedback and interest in making pictures for those scenes. I have a list going and so far I've made 2 of them, part way through a third. The first two can be found from my profile, there're are a few links to anything art I do; the Art Blog and deviantART links are your safest bets to find them.
> 
> Secondly I wanna introduce the next two chapters. A certain PlotBunny mentioned Meg's POV and I thought that'd be a good 'recap' idea. So there's a two-part recap section here, I'll post tonight and either tomorrow night or the following. Enjoy!

_16 years earlier…_

"Fuck."

Meg heard her father cursing nearby and rolled her eyes, he was a drama queen to beat the band, that was for sure. "What is it now, Azazel?" she'd taken to calling him by his name instead of 'dad' or anything close to familiar. Lucifer was up in Heaven, what could he possibly be cursing about? Demonkind was starting a war and they were going to win hands down with their Lord of Hell himself at the helm, what could be so 'fuck' worthy?

Azazel didn't answer for some time before he cursed again, this time in Latin and even some Enochian. Well that couldn't be a good sign, he never cursed in an angel's tongue. "Seriously, what?" Her tone took on a more appropriate edge as she walked over to him.

The battalions that Azazel had been in charge of were stationed on Earth, as they'd always been. He was the assault front for the middle ground, God's precious humanity ready to be picked off and ruled. Earth would be their home, a wretched place for the sinful that didn't burn them or torture them just for existing. He just needed the go ahead, because anything he'd do on Earth could be reversed if God and the holy squad of assholes were still around. Well, enough damage couldn't be reversed but any ground they'd make for themselves would be taken away at the very least. Her father expression held a sort of 'the attack is going to be delayed' kinda gloom.

"Heaven's been sealed off, those motherfuckers were ready for us."

"What kind of sealed off? The type that can be broken with enough brute force or…?" She trailed off as Azazel shook his head, angry yellow eyes glowering at blood pool of communication he'd set up.

"It's an ancient spell, only something God Himself could pull off. Time has stopped for Heaven and I haven't been getting any updates from Hell… with the gates left open it might have spread through there too." He ran a hand down his face slowly, pulling at the human skin in agitation. They'd been on Earth for many decades, making up identities for themselves and hiding in wait for that very moment. All for nothing, it seemed.

Megan stared at the blood in stunned silence, how could Lucifer have failed? Maybe it wasn't failure, it was a delay. "So what can we do to fix it?" She held up some form of hope their saviour could be freed again, he'd only recently been sprung from his unholy prison for Pete's sake.

"An angel is the only thing that can free both sides." Azazel sat down and rubbed at his chin thoughtfully, something picked up from humankind a long time back already.

"But they're all frozen, aren't they? Angels don't come down to Earth very often." Meg didn't want to believe her own words but there it was, wasn't it? They'd lost so many to one move, all of Hell included. Lucifer was never coming back.

Azazel didn't respond and for the first time that made her anxious.

"Why don't we just do what we were here to do anyway? We can just take over the Earth with whatever forces we have-"

"We don't have enough." He interrupted her, "Humans are weak but we're not invincible. There are billions of them, many cannot fight but the ones that can amount to more of a threat than you think. We were only meant to be the starting force; the second waves were waiting Hell."

Just like that it sounded like all of their efforts were over, all the plans put in place and time wasted. She was sitting silently in the room as Azazel paced periodically between angry drops into his chair. It was several minutes of this before anything happened.

"Father," her brother entered hastily, "an angel was sighted coming down to Earth moments before everything stopped. We believe it was Gabriel, though we don't know what he was up to. May I have permission to go and look for what he might've been doing?"

"An archangel?" Azazel perked up, "What did he do after that? Where did he go?"

"He landed somewhere in the Americas but returned to Heaven moments later." Her brother's name was simply 'Tom' on Earth. He didn't care for it but she kind of liked her human name.

Azazel nodded, a smile coming to his lips. "This could be a good thing or a very bad thing."

"What are you thinking happened?" Tom asked with a curious furrowing of his brow, eyes giving Meg a quick glance before returning to watch his father's now excited paces.

"I think Heaven's had a recent addition to the Angelic host."

"A new angel?" Meg's eyes widened, "That usually means something's coming; it could be why they knew about the invasion. But I don't see how that helps us –" She paused and nodded as it dawned on her.

"You see it, don't you?" Azazel smiled at her wickedly, "If we find that little thing we can bring it to Hell, wake up our brothers and take over the Earth. After we've done that we can open up Heaven and let our dear Lord free." He was laughing now; relief was the only thing keeping his energy so high.

"I'll go immediately," Tom replied to their excitement with a curt few words.

"Once you find any proof I want a report." Azazel sent him off, and with that they waited.

Meg didn't hear about it for some time, they'd narrowed it down to the United States at least. But that was only because she had recalled the archangel Gabriel loved that country, something about the chaos being entertaining. She agreed, it was usually a fun one to watch for a laugh.

After some effort Tom's team had narrowed it down to somewhere in the center few states. That was the first good news she'd heard in a few years, Azazel split them up and posed as different types of people in different towns, hoping to narrow it a little further.

Meg found herself in human form though many years younger. She was young compared to some demons but a child? It was more or less insulting, but it was for a good cause. It was her duty to find their angel and goddammit she'd deliver.

In a school at a young age was when she met Castiel Winchester and she didn't realize he would have changed her life so much she'd never recognize herself. At the time he was a goofy kid, big blue eyes and always the weirdest things to say. He didn't take notice of her for a long time, but when he did he seemed uncomfortable around her. In a sea of dumb children, having to pretend to be one was difficult for her so silence was her best friend. However, having not said much, most other kids looked at her as if she were no threat or was maybe a bit weird. Castiel, however, with the angelic name and everything, tried to avoid her whether conscious of it or not.

Bingo. He showed no signs of an angelic grace but that had to be him.

She told her father she might have found him but Azazel raised an eyebrow at her, "Are you certain? No one else can sense him."

"There isn't any grace but I'm sure it has to be him."

"We need to make sure." Was what she was told. Patience wasn't always her strongest suit but she did her best with it.

Being the best soldier Azazel had, Meg was the one in charge of watching out for Castiel Winchester. No one had bothered to ask her his name, though. They didn't care unless it was the real thing; the plans couldn't be set in motion until they could be 100% positive they'd caught the right one. She wanted to just drag him down to Hell right then, but again she was told to be patient.

Attempting to get close to Cas was more of a difficult task than she'd thought. As he did his best to avoid her she couldn't find a way to get to him. It was only after she'd worked her way into the popular books and was posing as a 13-year-old girl did she finally get a chance to get close. It was a spin-the-bottle game but even then she was overshadowed by something else. Being straightforward was her only option.

One date, that's what she asked for and to her surprise he said yes (after checking with his mom, something that made her laugh her ass off when she'd gotten home).

She hadn't expected it to go the way it did. That one date was her first time experiencing Castiel in full force. Immediately she noticed a presence as their date began, it felt like something trying to see her and in her mind she knew instantly what it was. She'd known since she saw him during those first years but it felt so much more real, the start of Cas' grace was so small she couldn't feel it. But he could still project himself, his consciousness tried to see hers and it was alarming at first. Demons tended not to do that, but Castiel wasn't shy.

That was the day she realized she liked him. She realized that a subtle approach would never work and for him to trust her she'd have to give something first. So she told him she was like him, she could do what he could do and it opened him up to her, finally.

It was strange, she'd known Cas, had sent two different demons to go after him to test out the angel theory of hers and both had died. It had scared him, scarred him, but the second time he'd done something incredible. As they talked that came back, she could see the scarring she'd caused him and at the time didn't feel bad. She didn't know she would someday, but at that moment it was just part of her job.

Then he snapped. She'd been doing a fair amount of acting during their date, so she would say later on about the bashfulness he'd brought out in her, but she wasn't faking anything after Castiel shouted. She felt the angelic force behind his voice, it seared through her and for the first time that she could remember; she was afraid.

Tentatively she attempted to see inside his head, it was the first real show of grace she'd seen yet and she wanted to check for sure. Castiel offered himself to her immediately; he was shocked, stunned, and so confused.

That moment could have been her proof; that could have been the moment she'd been waiting to take back to her father. The plan could begin; they could free Hell and take over Earth. But something in her didn't agree.

Something changed, instead of doing what she knew she should she wanted to protect this idiot. Castiel had opened himself fully to her in that moment and it was the most enlightening experience she'd ever had. His being was beautiful, and not in the vain kind of way. It made her want to cry and it made her sorry for what she'd become. She couldn't keep track of the number of feelings and thoughts that struck then, all at once it nearly knocked her over.

And then she took his hand and protected him, someone she knew she liked, someone that liked someone else and could never feel that way for her, and someone so much more than that. How could a being be that pure that it could change the mind of a demon that had lived for a centuries? She didn't know but he'd done it.

She'd let him hug her and what's more she agreed to be 'real friends' as he had put it. It was like he'd read her mind.


	53. Here's Looking At You, Meg part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part 2 of the Meg stuff. Still working on the same pic from last time, the request was for chapter 5's Christmas photo and I'm almost done! Got 4 out of the 5 Winchesters painted.

 

The following three years were an oddity to her, his friendship had become a real thing in her life and she'd almost forgotten what she was there to do. Cas' grace didn't do anything interesting until one night on the street where he'd glowed and healed a dying woman. He'd seen Death again that night and showed her one more time the scars she'd caused.

It was the start of the guilt in her, to see that expression on his face and hear how he denied himself. The word 'angel' bothered him and that was her fault. But if he couldn't be an angel and she wouldn't do her duty as a demon, what the hell were they? Two very strange individuals in a messed up world, cruel fates awaited both of them.

That night was the first night in a downhill slide. Castiel healed a kid at school, and wouldn't you know it, it was Kubrick. The only one who'd have a mental breakdown over the idea of an angel walking among them. Meg watched it all fall apart with an increasing sense of dread in her gut.

She was closer to him, she knew what he felt like and when the small power surges started one afternoon she knew what was coming. Meg had to make a decision for herself right there and then; what was she going to do when it all came crashing down? How would she protect him then?

It dawned on her later that she didn't consider not helping him, but how she'd do it instead. The idea of 'do I tell my father or don't I' was never a question at all. It was something in herself she could feel a little proud of, because god knows she'd learned she shouldn't have been at all.

Whatever happened, she decided, she'd fight for him. That thought remained with her during the days Castiel skipped school, nothing happened except Kubrick's psychosis. Some people believed him but mostly everyone else avoided him, figured he was insane. She helped spread that as best she could but the dulled silence that came from Castiel's general direction made her stomach turn. She realized more and more she missed his presence, he never skipped school and to do it for that long was worrisome. She knew she could call or go visit but it felt invasive now, like she had no right to do it. So she didn't.

Then he returned. The school was buzzing as usual, Castiel's name mentioned on repeat. But it was more than that; something was boiling to the surface in him and she knew that every demon around would get a whiff. She had to do something, stall them or try to convince them otherwise. It was during her attempt to lie and say it was an experiment of hers, that if they sensed something it wasn't actually an angel, that Castiel's grace erupted. There was no lying about it.

She raced ahead of as many of them as she could, Cas was in trouble and she'd need to keep him from getting taken.

Meg made it to Cas first; he was outside and practically on display for the onslaught to see. She hadn't been fast enough to warn him, they were surrounded and she came to terms with the fact that she'd be fighting soon. She still tried to pull authority, "Let me take him." But it didn't work, not that she thought it would. Her father didn't trust her anymore, and she didn't rightly blame him for that.

Castiel took her order to leave, she'd killed one of her own and that was just the start of it. She knew the kinds of monsters that would show up to take Cas in, the one lying beneath the school for good measure. She was the one who originally suggested it be there and now she was sorely regretting it. There wasn't a lot she could do against a demon that size, but the rest she knew she was stronger than.

It wasn't until Castiel killed their enormous beast that she really understood something about him; he was special even for an angel. That wasn't a feat any archangel other than Michael or Lucifer could have accomplished. Castiel wasn't just a new angel, he wasn't just any type of angel; he was at the very least a new type of archangel. She smiled, maybe he could do this.

The reception she received as the fights came to a close wasn't terribly pleasant. The demons she hadn't killed decided to flee after some choice words slung her way. Traitor was a popular one. In the end she didn't care, there were bodies strewn all around and that hardly fazed her either. What mattered was the fact that Cas was alive.

Meg stood in the massacre of her people and the students she'd come to know for several years, it was a weird feeling. She'd killed before, she'd stood in the blood of others many times but it felt different that day. And as she started to feel remorse for it she saw Castiel flying overhead, he'd come back. She went to meet him, hesitant of how he'd now perceive her. He'd been attacked by demons several times, the first two were her fault but this one, the worst one, was something she'd tried to prevent.

It was the first time she realized she wanted redemption, and that's what she gave to him as a reason. Despite wanting to be honest she still lied. She said from the beginning she didn't know who he was, but she did. She said she was just trying to make it as a human girl in high school, but that was a lie too. The reasons she didn't tell the truth were so foggy to her but that's what she did anyway. She didn't want him to know that some of the most painful moments in his early years were her fault, she needed him to trust and to give anything like that away would hinder her.

Cas told her then that Dean was taken to purgatory. She realized that the others had retreated too easily after waiting for so long, but she didn't know they'd abduct Cas' family. That was it then, Castiel would cross into Hell first. The least she could do was open the way to his brother, she couldn't stop him from leaving and she knew better than to try and convince him to abandon Dean.

"Could you please look after my family while I'm away?"

Right before he left he gave her that. Maybe it was his way of telling her he trusted her, offering a chance to redeem herself, or maybe it was just a way to say 'prove you're trustworthy by doing this impossible task.' It was like he didn't even know how bad Earth would be after he crossed the border. What could she do but say yes?

And just like that she found herself watching him leave. She looked for the Winchesters and found herself in the middle of what must have been a mini apocalypse. Demons were everywhere and the Earth opened up like broken skin. She got into another fight, her own kind swarmed her as the traitor she was.

It wasn't as easy the second time around; she had to push harder and took several hits. She'd hit the ground more than once and experienced a few blows she wished she hadn't. It left her breathless and at the end of it made her wish it'd be over.

But Castiel, that idiot, asked her to take care of his family. So instead of rolling over Meg let herself off the hinges, she fought like a madwoman with nothing left to lose. Her blade slashed through several of her brethren and she'd lost count of the necks she'd snapped. In the end she found herself elbow deep in chests of two demons on either side of her, one hand made it in with her blade and the other just forced through. They fell to the ground as she pulled herself away, one at a time.

It took a little bit more time but she found the Winchesters, she was grateful she'd paid attention when Cas randomly talked about family friends in Sioux Falls. There was a large metallic box in the ground, fire all around and life inside. Meg wasted no time with breaking the door in, happy to find the family she was sent out to save inside, all intact.

The following hours were filled with questions, answers, more questions, and some silence until they'd hit a roadblock. Meg knew the peace wouldn't last; she barely flinched when Jet told everyone to get down because right then, that moment was one of the reasons Cas asked her to help.

She wasn't exactly expecting her father though. "What do you want?"

"What do you think you're doing?" Azazel held the features of his real form, demonic and ugly as ever. "We're hunting down the angel, why are you sitting around? It's not because you've gone soft, is it? You like that angel boy." He knew the whole time; he was just poking at her pride now.

"Fuck off, I don't answer to you."

He'd expected that response and before she could even imagine it she was going toe-to-toe with her father. The others launched into the fight with one command and she knew she'd never survive it in human form. The transformation was a little slower than she'd anticipated, she hadn't done it in so long already.

Meg fought with whatever strength was left in her, the ground had begun to quake and she was deflecting the attacks as they came at her. When she'd miss one it'd send her straight to the ground, coughing and struggling to regain her bearings. Azazel grabbed her and lifted her up, a grin on his face that she swiftly corrected. A gash on his cheek and a kick to his chest freed her, which gave her the momentum to dodge what would've been a punishing blow.

The fight was only minutes long, she'd been told later, but to her it was an eternity. Every second she thought she should've been dead and every second she proved herself wrong. Especially the very last time, when she was certain she'd be overcome, Castiel arrived. He reached into the fight and pulled her out.

She didn't have a chance to understand what she was feeling then; she just went with it and before she knew it Cas absorbed her into himself. It was terrifying and comforting all at the same time. She'd never been so close to him, years ago he'd opened up to her but it was nothing like what she was experiencing right then. She was almost lost to it if it weren't for knowing that Cas was fighting Azazel and an oncoming army was a horizon away.

But Castiel managed to prove himself one more time, injuring her dad in a way she'd never seen before. Then following that up by basically exploding. A special kind of angel, indeed.

Meg found herself standing on the ground moments later, her legs boneless and her strength faded. She started to fall but Jet was there to catch her, she'd never been so happy to see that jackass.

All said and done she still couldn't believe what had happened. She'd gone from waiting for an order to take over Earth, to one of Castiel's friends hiding out in an army base. She sat in a quiet room with the sleeping bodies of Cas' friends and family, the angel himself lying awake amongst them, and that was the most comforting place she'd been in a long time.

She hadn't told Cas much about anything yet, they hadn't had a chance to talk but the time she spent inside him was very telling for her. She felt another change in herself, the start of a purification and redemption she'd only briefly thought about. It seemed like an excuse and a dream, but maybe it could be real. The kinds of human emotions that Castiel could bring up in a wretched soul like hers were astounding, to the say the least.

Having taken a beating in every sense of the word, she decided it had all been worth it. Castiel was worth fighting for and she was proud to be part of his little team. If that meant rooting for Heaven, then so be it. Lucifer would have her head, but if it meant keeping Castiel alive then so be it, she'd offer it herself.


	54. You Have Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus there, I was trying to draw for you guys. I've got to try and do Castiel's trueform some justice, I can describe it cool enough but sometimes my hands don't work. Anyway I hope you guys are still enjoying the read, thanks a lot for the support. The pictures I've drawn can be found from my profile.

Castiel stared dismally at his dad's phone, something he'd been allowed to borrow since his was long gone and god knows where Dean's was. He'd hunted down different news articles already made, watched videos and read different blogs about the incidents until John's cell was dead. It was the least he could do with his time and he was starting to wish he hadn't done it. The number of people dead around the world was immeasurable at that time but the running count was in the hundreds of thousands and climbing.

"I can't believe this..." he placed the phone on the floor beside him and stared past his feet at nothing. He'd gotten enough strength back to hold a phone for a few hours, as well as sit up. Standing was still a challenge though, so no one was pushing him. Dean hadn't left his side until an hour before, Cas loved Dean's company but he couldn't ask his brother to sit and be a vegetable with him. Not that anyone could go very far, though.

His mind wandered more and more, he could feel the tremors in the ground beneath him but couldn't pinpoint anything. His grace was weak; his human form was back in all its glory – and to his great pleasure without wings. Even his senses were dulled, feeling someone's presence was minimal at best; the only one that was obvious to him was Dean, as per usual. After being with those sensations so long, his body had gotten used to it all. Without it he felt strange, he knew what he was and he knew what he needed to be doing but nothing was getting done. People were dying and he was useless.

And meeting new people was a nerve wracking experience for him, he had no idea what their intentions were. Military people could always be good or bad, or at least the movies showed anyway. Cas was just glad that Meg was there, she could read people similarly to himself and at that point he knew she'd never let anything go wrong. At least, not within her power anyway.

"So," Captain Uziki stood in the doorway with a smile, arms folded over his chest as he walked into the area, "I hear you've shut yourself in with a cell phone."

Cas offered a half smile in return and looked down at the dead block of circuits, "I was reading what was going on, this isn't just around us, it's everywhere." He leaned back against the wall, his limbs feeling heavier than they should have. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Shimizu stopped across from him and waited quietly for a moment, letting Cas stew in his thoughts for a while. "It seems to me you already know what to do, it's just frustrating to not be able to control what's going on." He motioned to the cushions next to Cas, "May I?"

"Of course," Cas shuffled over a bit though it wasn't really necessary. "Maybe you have a point though, I just feel like everything's going to shit and I know it's my fault. I just want to be able to fix it." He ran his hand through his hair a few times, not counting how often anymore. "I see my family and I don't even know what I put them through. My friends are traumatized because of my choices and I think the maddening part is that I'd do it again."

"You saved your brother,"

"I know! That's why I'd do it all again, but was that the right choice?" Cas asked in complete exasperation, wide eyes focused on the captain now, "Did I do the right thing? What kind of an angel am I if I can't do the right thing?"

Shimizu held his gaze for a few seconds before daring to address the concept of what Castiel was putting forward. "I've heard a lot of ideas on the whole 'what's right and wrong' argument. At the end of the day, with something like this, there's just no winning. You're caught in the middle of two ugly options and you'll get your hands dirty with either of them. But I think you can be proud," he smiled and nodded his head. Cas felt a small part of the man's presence then, it was kind and honest and the first time Cas felt he could really trust him.

But it didn't make a whole lot of sense. "Proud? Of getting all of those people killed? I've murdered hundreds of thousands of people, Shimizu; I don't see how I can be proud of myself."

"I can," Captain Uziki looked at him earnestly, "because when you were given a choice that would end in suffering either way, you still made a decision. You didn't do  _nothing_ , and that's something to be proud of."

"Maybe nothing would have ended better…" Cas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose; he knew that wasn't true though. Dean was in danger and something would've happened regardless. Doing nothing, in that case, would have been forcing time to make his decision for him.

"Look, all I know is that you're beating yourself up over something that the people around you are so thankful for." His voice was soft as he gave Cas' shoulder a squeeze, "I've spoken to everyone here and they all adore you, are grateful for what you've given up and what you've done for them. I know from experience that no amount of me telling you this will help, but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

"You've felt the same way?" Cas asked, hoping to get to another subject, or at least off of himself.

"I have, you enlist to help and when you're out there you find out that you aren't doing as much good as you thought. I've saved lives but I've ended enough to make me feel that I should never have made the choice to fight in the first place." His expression got a little darker but didn't give as much away as Cas thought it might. The words matched his eyes, that's all Cas could gather from Shimizu at that moment. He cursed his inability to use any abilities but let it go all the same.

"Sounds like you've been in a few situations kinda like mine." Cas knew better than to poke at a soldier, don't ask them what they've done and don't force them to relive it. "How do you handle it? People's lives in your hands, what do you do with that?"

"You hold on," the captain nodded firmly, "You try and hold onto those lives and yourself and hope that God can be merciful."

"He's frozen."

"Well that's not wrathful so in a way it's good, right?"

Castiel smiled at Shimizu's humour, at least he could find the sense to joke and make himself feel better.

"So why're you sitting alone? Dean's been with you since you passed out, why push him away?"

"Dean's been through a lot because of me, I wanted to see what I'd done to the world and to do that I knew I'd be in a dark place. He's been dragged through hell literally and I didn't want to, I don't know, do it to him mentally too. I have a certain effect on people," he shrugged, knowing it was a dumb excuse. "Maybe I just wanted to wallow in self-pity…"

"I would too, probably." Shimizu smirked and looked down at the phone again; the kind of pause Cas knew meant he wanted to say something. "So I came over here to tell you first, there's a new set of command over the current battlefield and state of affairs. As it turns out they don't believe your story and they don't intend to protect you any further. Your family will be asked to move out of our camp sometime today."

Cas would have stopped breathing if he were still doing that. "You're kidding me…" he groaned and covered his face, "What am I gonna do?"

"We'll need to get you somewhere you can hide for a while, something we can defend if needed."

"I don't have a clue where to go-" Cas stopped and looked at Shimizu again, had he just said  _we_?

Captain Uziki continued seamlessly, "I was thinking I know a place, a friend of mine has a reinforced shelter about 50 miles from here."

"You're coming? You'll help us?" Castiel didn't want to get his hopes up, with just Meg helping them he was sure that she'd save his life but what about the others? His parents could use weapons if needed, Bobby and Karen were a bit older but no less capable. Hell, they could all use a gun if they had one but no one was armed, nobody had anything more than the shirts on their backs. It would have been immensely helpful if the captain was serious but leaving all his hopes on that didn't bode well for his mental state should Shimizu have been lying.

"I told you I'd help, didn't I?" He smiled warmly, "I didn't become a soldier to ignore what I thought was right, I didn't do it to follow orders blindly so I'll make my own decisions from here on out." Shimizu's smile faltered a bit, "Though I can't bring anyone else with me, I'm all you'll have."

"Can you get the others some kind of weapons?" Cas couldn't believe he was asking and he could believe it even less when the captain nodded. "Your career with the military will be over after this, you know that don't you?"

"I honestly couldn't care less." Shimizu stood and headed for the door, "I'll inform the rest, please keep it to yourself for now."

"Of course," Cas watched in quiet shock as the soldier departed, it reminded him of officer Mills somewhat. She'd been very kind when he was younger. "Uhm," he mumbled loud enough for Shimizu to pause and look back at him. "Thank you, for everything."

"I've hardly done anything, but you're welcome." And with that he left.

Cas sat with his own thoughts for a little while, his mind wandering to where they'd end up and when his grace would spark to life again. He was starting to sense things more and more lately, he knew it was growing.

His thoughts misplaced his ability to keep time and sooner than he'd expected Dean walked in again. "You tell me you need alone time so you can sulk, hm?" Dean smiled, he didn't seem angry, just concerned.

"Seems to be the case, yeah." A lot had happened since they last went to school together, Cas felt much older and Dean kind of looked it. They had connected in ways he never expected and it was right then that Cas felt he needed it again. He remembered how it felt to have Dean so accessible to him, to be able to feel his brother's presence every way he turned. It was comforting and it was all he wanted. He remembered waking up after passing out, Dean was close and held him so tightly he never wanted to move from there again. Cas wanted that back, he wanted to be held, at least a little.

Dean walked over and dropped down next to him, so close yet not quite touching. Cas shuffled the inch so he could at least get that much contact. It was such a small move but he heard the way it made Dean's breath hitch, and felt the quickening beat of his pulse. Cas knew without looking that Dean's mouth was dry and his tongue tied. They sat in silence but Castiel was comfortable. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Dean's shoulder, he reached across and placed his hand in Dean's hand and waited.

Waited for a sound to interrupt them, waited for someone to walk in and one of them to abruptly end it, he just waited.

"You know," Dean spoke after a few minutes, longer than Cas expected to wait, "I'm scared about what's going to happen." Dean tightened his hand around Cas', "I know we can fight the demons and I know we'll protect you here, but what happens when you leave? I can't help you, I can't keep you, I can only let you go."

Castiel lifted his head and used his free hand to tilt Dean's chin his way, "You have me now," he whispered and wished he could offer something more concrete to ease Dean's fears. But it was good enough, Dean closed the small gap between their lips again and Cas let himself fall into it. He was tired and felt like he couldn't hold himself up, not that he needed to with Dean there though.

Their mouths moved together slowly, it was warm and drew him further and further in. Dean tasted like he'd recently eaten something salty, it was still on his lips and Cas wished he could taste it the way Dean had the first time. Instead the combination of molecules clicked in his mind and he knew that it had been jerky. Cas pushed thoughts from his head, pushed out understanding and just let his body run on its own. Dean's hand reached to his side and Cas felt he could melt into the touch, his skin burned under a foreign hand and he found himself wriggling closer.

Dean grabbed him and pulled him across his lap like a rag doll, Cas wrapped his arms loosely around Dean's shoulders and stayed there as oblivious as he wanted to be.

Which meant that he didn't notice any others walking into the room. "Boys," John's voice was stern and loud, it made him jump. Cas turned to see basically everyone entering the area - they must've been given the 'leave as soon as you can' speech.

"Uh," Dean was like a deer in headlights, his hand slowly slid away from Cas' lower back to his upper back in hopes it wasn't noticed. "Hey... guys..."

"What's up?" Jet was grinning from ear to ear, that sly look in his eyes.

"We're going," Mary quickly said as John processed what he was seeing, "So pack anything you've got, they said they'd let Captain Uziki escort us to the nearest town."

Cas laughed softly as Dean carefully lifted him from his lap, "Sorry," he couldn't help but smile about it. He felt so comfortable as Dean awkwardly attempted to act like an obvious obsession wasn't growing in his pants. Cas couldn't worry about his dad's reaction either, because one good look at how happy Castiel was and his dad's narrow-mindedness dissipated almost entirely. He was still grumpy but Cas really didn't care.


	55. Are We There Yet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think of the story :D (even if it's been up for like 5 years, I'll still read the emails, I promise it doesn't bother me!)

"Everyone ready?" Shimizu looked into the back of the armoured truck, a space meant to carry soldiers that was now filled with Meg, Winchesters, Singers, and Tulls. The cab could carry the driver and four others (if they wanted to be three in the backseat), so Jet offered to sit with the adults and let the Winchester boys ride up front.

"We're good," John nodded, "My kids doing okay up there?"

"No one's making out, sir." Captain Uziki smiled at the way John almost pouted.

"I'm also over here, dad." Castiel informed him casually, standing at Shimizu's side. He'd wanted to see everyone together before taking his designated 'shotgun' position. Standing was iffy and he felt he'd fall over, since Dean was already in the car with Sam (definitely to avoid his dad's stare), Jet helped him keep upright.

"Why don't you just sit down?" Jet asked after a particularly skeptical wobble in Cas' legs.

"I just wanna say something really quick," Cas leaned against the back of the truck and looked inside at the others, "Thank you everyone, I'm sorry I've dragged you all along on this. Please, if you have somewhere you'd rather be we can find a way to get you there. Being close to me is a very dangerous decision and I would completely understand if you wanted to go."

He watched the expressions of his parents go from concerned to welcoming, he knew there was no way he'd get them to a 'safe' place. Bobby and Karen exchanged a look and each shook their heads, "We're staying, boy." Bobby said next, his smile nearly mimicking John's.

"We can't leave you to try and fend for yourself after all this," Karen assured him, "We're with you, sweetheart."

Cas wasn't sure if he was happy to hear it or worried, but he returned their smiles gladly, "Thank you."

"You know I'm staying," Jet elbowed him gently, very gently.

"Which means I am, too." Nikki added adamantly.

"Mom, maybe you should-"

"Shut up, I'm coming with."

Mary laughed, "Atta girl."

"Alright, you folks sit tight and we'll be there in no time." Shimizu looked at Jet and nodded toward the back, "Get in, I'll take him from here."

"Thanks," Jet gave a quick nod of his head to the captain before looking at Cas again, "Stop questioning yourself, man. We're all with you."

"I know, thank you." Castiel smiled as he watched Jet hop into the back and Shimizu close it up. As the possibly now ex-soldier assisted Cas in walking around to the passenger side he couldn't help but ask, "Do they know what you're doing?"

"At the moment? No, not yet." Shimizu placed him in his seat and shut the door.

* * *

 

The ride wasn't that long and Cas felt like sleeping through most of it. He heard Sam poking fun at Dean for the way their dad reacted but nothing mean spirited.

"He wasn't that mad," Dean retorted and smacked Sam playfully, "I don't know what he was but we'd know if he was mad."

"That's because Cas was so happy, otherwise I think dad would've flipped his shit."

"Is that because of the brother thing or the homosexual thing?" Shimizu asked and glanced at the rear view mirror with squinted eyes, it was oddly bright outside for a cloudy day.

"Uhm… hard to say?" Dean was using that 'unsure' tone, Cas was certain if he looked into the back he would've seen Dean shrugging. "No one's said anything about possibly not being straight to him."

"I think it's more a surprise, than anything else." Cas replied calmly, "We're not related by blood though I'm still his brother, so it's a bit complicated but I think it's something dad can get over. Besides," he turned to look Dean's way, "I told mom a long time ago that I might not be into girls, I'm sure she's eased him into the idea for a while now."

"Pretty sure she didn't expect it to be Dean," Sam added and Dean smacked him again. "Ow! Quit hitting me, jerk!"

"No, bitch." Dean responded with another slap, this time earning himself about three in retaliation. "Ow!"

"How old are you two?" Shimizu looked at them again, his brow crinkled in mild frustration. "Stop that."

"Sorry," Dean was the first to sullenly comply, though Sam got at least one more good shot in. "I'm gonna-"

"Enough."

"Sorry," they both said it that time, and both actually stopped. Cas was vaguely impressed.

"So…" Sam started up again a few minutes later, "Are you guys dating now?"

Cas smiled and turned to look at Sam, "Do you think we should?"

"Yeah," Sam didn't hesitate and it made him smile hard enough to tire out his facial muscles. "I mean Dean's liked you forever already, so it's about time."

"I'd like that," Castiel shifted his gaze to Dean whose face was red and so shy, but he nodded. An unspoken agreement then, they'd be boyfriends as soon as the world righted itself. Just a little incentive, Cas decided.

"What about you?" Dean grinned and poked Sam harshly in the side.

"What do you mean? I'm not gonna date Cas." Sam frowned and shoved Dean's hand away though it didn't deter his brother from continuing the poking onslaught. So much for the captain's 'enough' order.

"You know what I mean; you've liked him as long as I've liked Cas, maybe longer."

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"Dean, ease up." Cas said apologetically for Sam's sake, "He'll tell Jet when he's ready, don't push."

"I'm only twelve, having a crush on a 16-year-old is impossible." Sam grumped at them, "Besides, I don't like him like that anymore."

"Alright," Dean lifted his hands in mock surrender, "I'll let him know his favourite person doesn't like him anymore."

"No, nonono don't tell him! Don't say anything! And I know he didn't say I'm his favourite person, don't be stupid, Dean."

Cas rolled his eyes and looked forward again. The road was vacant and he wondered what kind of evacuation must have happened since Hell broke loose. What did the highway look like at that time? How many people were panicked? How many made it?

He tried to stop thinking about it. He just let the sounds of their drive lull him, Dean and Sam talking behind him and the sound of the engine making him think it might be a normal day. Cas closed his eyes and could let himself see it. His mom was driving them over to Jet's place, the Impala's engine rumbling louder and for some reason they couldn't turn on the radio. Maybe his dad's cassette got stuck again and they had to wait for him to get home from work to fix it. They were passing his favourite bookstore and he wondered if they had a copy of the newest Marvel comics in stock. The next movie was coming out and he really wanted to see it, maybe reading comics would help him get into that side of the world's culture better.

They'd drive past his favourite Starbucks without going through the drive-thru; they didn't have enough money for that kind of frivolous thing. He really liked their Frappuccino's though, always with caramel drizzle on top. And if they would have gone through he would've gotten one, and it might've tasted like molecules but he'd still drink it anyway. Maybe that was a waste of money? Dean would probably act tough and get a black coffee, but Cas knew he liked the macchiato (any flavour). Sam usually followed Cas' lead, except he'd add a brownie to it. His mom changed her mind a lot; she liked most of the menu but strayed closer to their teas. As for what they'd get Jet Cas never knew, he was a difficult one to please with drinks. But there was one rule that would never be broken; never bring Jet a muffin. He hated them, for what reason Cas couldn't fathom but it was ingrained in his head.

"Cas?" Dean nudged his arm and broke the illusion, there was no Impala, Mary was in the back, and they didn't have Starbucks coffees. "You okay?"

"Just daydreaming," Castiel rubbed his eyes and looked around. They were in a small town, he must have lost track of time again because he didn't notice the change in speed. The captain was just pulling into a short driveway. "Where are we?"

"Cummings," Shimizu stated as he put the truck in park. "Just wait here, I'll be right back." He hopped out and walked up to the front door.

Cas looked at Dean and Sam in the back, "I spaced out," he admitted guiltily, "Is this where we're going to be staying?"

"I think so," Sam grinned at him, the kind of look that would make Jet proud.

Of course speak of the devil; Jet opened the back door beside Dean, "Yo, we here?"

"Uh yeah, but I think we're supposed to stay in the truck-"

"Awesome, it was bumpy as fuck back there." Jet was hardly listening, though Cas suspected he knew what was expected of him.

"Sounds fun," Dean elbowed Jet lightly in the stomach.

Jet knocked his friend's head in retaliation, "How was the ride in the cab?"

"Should've sat in the back," Sam groaned and rubbed his arm, "Dean was hitting me most of the way here."

"Pfft, you hit me like twice as much!" Dean scoffed and immediately flinched when Sam wound up to do it again.

"Quit abusing each other," Jet rolled his eyes and looked at Cas, "How you doing?"

"Feeling about the same, I was a space cadet most of the way here."

"Sounds like you," Jet smirked. The others were walking around the front of the vehicle by then, mostly stretching and a couple of them subtly rubbing their rears. 'Bumpy as fuck,' as Jet put it, seemed to be a general consensus.

Meg approached Cas' door which he opened for her, "If I have to hear anyone complain about their asses one more time," she paused and glared at Jet who shrugged as if he had no idea what she was talking about, "I'm going to puncture their lungs."

Jet sneered at her in the playful way Cas knew meant no harm, "Hey Meg," Jet said as annoyingly as possible, "you're a pain in my ass."

Meg copied his sneer and flipped him off.

"So where are we, exactly?" Mary asked first, Cas had nearly forgotten he was the only one aware of what the plan was. "We could've just as easily gone somewhere else, why here?"

"The captain has a plan," Cas couldn't rightly keep that information to himself at that point in time, he felt bad enough as it was. "He said there's a friend with a reinforced shelter here, we can stay inside until I've gotten well enough to go to Heaven."

"Well that's awfully nice of him," John smiled, relief in his face. Cas hadn't realized how stressed out his dad looked until just then. He felt even worse for what he'd been putting them all through. "I thought he'd just drop us off in the middle of nowhere."

"He's a soldier, not a dick. Orders are orders," Nikki pat John on the shoulder.

"Since everyone's already wandering freely, why don't you all follow me?" Captain Uziki called to them, an older man with red hair standing beside him that Cas didn't recognize. He glanced at Meg quickly to see if she seemed put off by the stranger; she was fine so he felt calmer about trusting.

The shelter Shimizu had told him about originally was almost exactly what he'd pictured. It was the size of a small trailer and it looked perfect, inconspicuous in the backyard of some old friend of a soldier. No demon that had been following him since a young age would have suspected where they were, unless it had followed him of course.

"Everyone this is Cal and this is his shelter. We'll be staying here until Castiel is well enough to move on," Shimizu explained as he opened the door, "Please try not to make a mess."

"We?" Mary asked hopefully. "Are you staying with us, captain?"

"I am," he smiled at her, "And please, from now on no more captain stuff, I won't be one for very long anyway."

"I couldn't help but notice something in the truck," John added, his hopes just as up as Mary's. "You loaded it with weapons, was that intended to help us?"

Shimizu shrugged casually, "I may have taken one of the armed vehicles instead of the designated empty one with that scenario in mind."

"Cheeky bastard, isn't he?" Jet snarked quietly to Dean who snickered.

"Nice to meet you," Castiel stuck his hand out to Cal who gave a silent nod in return and a firm shake.

"He can't speak anymore," Shimizu informed them as Cal loosened his tie and lowered the collar of his shirt to reveal a scar along his neck. Cas cringed at it and knew well not to ask any further. "But he's happy to help."

"Thank you," Cas looked at Cal apologetically, "If everything goes well I can help you with that, if you'd like."

Cal didn't change his expression from neutral, Cas got the feeling he didn't put any faith in that statement.

Shimizu turned toward the door again, "Anyone who knows how to handle firearms come help me unload them, everyone else we're gonna give you a crash course in how to use 'em."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Shimizu and Cal pics for you guys there (not that anyone asked me for them of course, just sharing!)


	56. Inside the Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's come to my attention that this arc with demons has been slow, but that's okay, I planned to pick things up regardless ;)

Castiel pinned his back against the wall, the floor felt colder that night than it had in the previous ones. His mind raced and he felt something coursing through him but not nearly strong enough to pinpoint whether or not it'd be helpful.  _'Please,'_  He begged silently to himself as he heard footsteps and the dull sound of metal clanking and dragging along the floor.  _'Please let them be okay. Please don't make me do this.'_

Tears slipped down his face when the door to the room opened and a familiar figure stood blocking it, a heavy pipe in his hand. "I really don't think hiding in a shack like this could be effective, do you?"

Cas' chest felt heavy and his body trembled, "What have you done?" he whispered in a broken voice.

Shimizu lifted the bloody pipe and smiled unnaturally wide, "What do you think?"

* * *

_Days earlier…_

"This place is too small." Jet grumbled as he tossed his dead phone up and caught it again, repeating the process indefinitely. The teens were all sitting on the floor with their backs against the walls, they'd only been there for a day and already things had dissolved into complete boredom.

Cas couldn't believe it, really. Enough had happened in the last week or so to make any of them wish they'd have school regularly and go to work as normal. But boredom still settled in, they wanted entertainment. In his anger he wanted to suggest going outside and baiting the demons, but that wouldn't help. Crammed into a trailer-sized space was bad enough, they didn't need to start fighting.

And in honesty the shelter wasn't that bad, it would have been just fine for half their group, maybe. But it wasn't that small. There were a few sectioned off areas in the shelter, a bathroom, food storage, and a single bedroom. Castiel was offered the bed to help his recovery but he refused profusely, he didn't need to sleep and it'd be a big waste of a bed. Instead he let the Singers take it; they were the oldest ones present after all.

Cal of course didn't reply to Jet's 'it's too small' comment, but Cas could sense that little irked twinge in the man's demeanour. It felt something like 'you don't need to stay, you little brat.' Castiel looked over at their silent host and gave him a knowing nod, Cal quietly appreciated it.

Mary and Nikki mimicked the teens, sitting in chairs across from them against the opposite wall, while Karen was taking a nap. John stood idly, talking to Bobby about something that no one less than 30 would care much about. Cas had noticed that Dean and their dad hadn't shared many words, at least not in his presence. John was definitely dealing with what he'd seen in the classic way; not thinking about it. Maybe if he ignored it hard enough it'd go away, or change. The thought of that was what possessed Castiel to slowly walk to his dad's side. His energy was high enough to get him there, which in turn made him thankful for his fast healing ability.

"Dad?" He asked quietly and John hummed in reply, his attention turned in Cas' direction. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course, kiddo." John smiled and helped him to the storage room –since no one else was in there at the time- and closed the door behind them. "What's on your mind?"

"A lot of things," Cas smiled uneasily and carefully leaned against a shelving unit, "I mean what isn't on my mind? The world's gone to hell, actual Hell is awful and I don't know why it exists in the first place, I don't know how I'm even going to get to Heaven when I'm able… a lot of things. But," he trailed off and kicked at the floor. Now how to approach that subject? It'd already been breached a little over a day ago; he had been seen with Dean and he and Dean decided they were going to date so then what else was there to say? The fear of 'what do I do' should basically be gone, shouldn't it? Cas knew it was more about the acceptance, he and Dean both wanted it to be okay, they wanted to be able to see each other without feeling like they'd done something completely wrong.

"But?" John continued for him, standing completely open to him and in closer proximity. Cas smiled to himself, he sensed his dad's concern and knew it was all coming from a good place. He appreciated the small things, John's eagerness to listen to his problems, hoping to help and willing to stand there in awkward silence until his son collected his thoughts. Castiel knew that if it weren't for John's open emotional state he'd never find the words to explain himself, let alone the courage.

"But that's not what I wanna talk about right now. I wanted to talk about Dean," he watched John go from entirely supportive to the same thing with added obvious discomfort. "I know you know what I mean, you haven't said much to either of us and that goes double for the subject matter. What are you thinking?"

John studied Cas' face for a second and inhaled slowly, Cas could just about see the cogs turning in his mind. "I'm thinking… that whatever the two of you do is your choice." Those words couldn't have come across more sincere than John had delivered them, Cas found himself shaken and stunned by his dad's honesty. "I'm surprised, yeah. I mean, your mom has been talking to me about the possibility of you being gay for a while, so I was kind of ready for that more or less." He gave a sort of half shrug, the discomfort of the conversation slipped as John let himself believe what he was saying. He really meant it. "You two will always be brothers in my eyes so it's hard to imagine you doing anything, I mean  _at all_."

"Can you look past that?" Cas leaned into his dad's line of sight as it drifted, his eyes wide and determined to hear the reply. If John could be so honest with him, then why not return it? "It might sound weird to you but it's something I've been fighting with myself over. At least three years now, and as much as I thought it would go away it never did."

His dad looked thoughtful for a second then lifted his hands in surrender, "Are you happy with Dean?" He asked sternly.

"Yes." Castiel didn't hesitate.

John's expression softened and he nodded, "Then I would sooner trust him to take care of you than anyone else." He pat Cas' shoulder and gave it a squeeze, "You know I love you unconditionally, and that means no matter what." He'd never heard more relieving words.

Cas wiped tears from his eyes, "I know," he whispered trying to keep his voice from breaking. "I love you too, dad."

"C'mere," John smiled and pulled Cas into a hug, the little angel pinning his face against his dad's shoulder and hanging on to him.

"Thank you," he muttered over and over until he couldn't speak anymore. He hadn't anticipated the relief he'd feel over that, the fear that built up in him was eased with Dean's acceptance but he'd long known Dean would do that. It was everyone else, friends and family alike that he feared. The thought of what they'd say and do to him, to Dean, if they knew. But with only a few words his dad managed to dismiss it, he couldn't be more thankful and didn't know how to show it.

John hugged him tightly as long as he needed it, Cas didn't step away and neither did his dad. "I'll talk to your mom about it too, though I wouldn't worry too much about her."

Cas nodded instead of saying anything, he needed a minute to let the last few seconds sink in. It felt like a weight was lifted from him, his destiny and whatever else was still there but now he had something. It was something he could look forward to, something more to fight for. He knew he'd do anything to protect the ones he loved but that was different, it wasn't quite the same as having a significant other waiting for you.

That was Dean now, his significant other, a partner, his boyfriend. Cas sobbed again and his dad tightened his hold again.

It was a few minutes before they returned to the others and when they did Cas noticed Dean talking to Mary immediately. His face was red and he was scratching the back of his neck a lot, one of his nervous gestures as he tried to tell her something. Cas knew instantly what he was trying to do, Dean felt inspired by Cas' courage and undoubtedly thought 'if Cas is talking to dad then I  _have_ to talk to mom.'

Cas glanced over at Jet, Sam, and Meg who were all slumped against the wall where he'd left them originally. Jet tilted his head and Cas smiled, nodding hopefully toward Dean. Jet raised an eyebrow and looked at Dean then back to Cas again, a quick nod of his head and a small grin on his lips. That was as much confirmation as he needed; Dean was doing exactly what he thought.

"Dad," Castiel grabbed John's sleeve and dragged him toward Dean and Mary, "C'mon, c'mon."

"Geez- I'm coming!" John stumbled a little first but followed. Cas briefly let it register that he  _might_  have some of his strength back. But it was a passing thought.

"So uhh… that's kinda what I've been…" Dean was mumbling through his sentence when Castiel approached, pausing and stopping entirely. "Hi, Cas."

"Hello Dean,"

Mary smiled knowingly at them, "I really can't handle how cute the two of you are." She turned to John who held a similar look to her own. "So we're okay with this?"

"I am," John glanced at Dean whose eyes widened in surprise, a familiar look considering John had just seen the same one on Cas' face. "As long as they're happy and responsible with each other, I'll live."

"Sounds good to me," Mary ruffled Dean's hair, "Was that what you were trying to ask about?"

Dean laughed nervously and ran his hand over his head, "No- yes- I mean uh… really? You guys are okay with it?"

She rolled her eyes playfully at him, as if she'd been obvious what she thought of it the whole time. And maybe, in hindsight, she had been. It wasn't as if Mary avoided them outright or frowned at them, she very likely didn't care about the idea of their relationship at all. "I'm just grateful you were both able to talk to us,"

Then John, as if in response to Cas' earlier concerns, gave Dean a hug, "We love you, Dean. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

"Yeah," Dean dropped his head in the same way Cas had against John's shoulder, "I'm sorry, dad."

"Nothing to be sorry for, boy." John squeezed lightly.

Castiel smiled at Mary, sensing her relief on the same level as his own. She was teary eyed when she returned the smile, a single thought that said 'I'm so happy they're talking.' Cas couldn't have thought it better himself.

* * *

Time spent in the shelter didn't feel like it was time spent on Earth. Cas felt like he was in some unique world where the outside didn't have any effect. He had his family and they were safe, he had his friends who supported him. It was almost like nothing that had led up to the point continued outside their walls. Shimizu explained that the armed forces had been making plans to fight the demons when he was still with them. It was likely that their area was so quiet because any nearby monsters were probably trying to take down the military units less than 50 miles away. Cas wasn't sure he accepted that reply but he let it comfort him all the same.

Nights were kind of cute if not a bit uncomfortable; Bobby and Karen had the bed so everyone else slept on the floors. Cal had brought some blankets but he didn't have enough for everyone separately. John and Mary shared, Nikki got her own because Jet thought it'd be weird to share with his mom. Instead Jet shared with Sam while Dean made Cas at least lie down next to him. Dean didn't get a blanket; he was using a bed sheet from the mattress the Singers were on. Cas would lay next to him and stared at the ceiling while he fell asleep, Dean was a bit of a cuddle-bug so slipping away wasn't always an option. Meg just seemed to wander about, sometimes she'd slip outside but it wasn't for very long. As for Cal and Shimizu, they'd take turns guarding. No demon really knew their faces so it didn't matter if they were outside.

Meals were difficult. There were rations to pass around and after having the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and supper a few days straight, Cas could tell they were all a little irritated. Apparently, according to Dean, rations tasted like ass. Jet of course commented with the idea that Dean should, by the extension of being into men, enjoy them then. Cas couldn't have laughed harder at the ridiculous fake fist fight that ensued.

"At least they're making the best of it," Shimizu raised a glass of water in cheers.

"So I have a question," Sam looked at the captain curiously, "why does Cal have a shelter like this?"

Shimizu shrugged and took another sip, "Paranoia, mostly. He built it after one of his tours, told me at the time that one day I'd appreciate it. I guess he got the last laugh," he paused and glanced at his muted friend, "sort of." Cal made a sarcastic sneer as he pretended to laugh, then promptly looked away with nothing more to communicate to the bad joke.

"Do you mock his inability to speak often?" Sam furrowed his brow, hesitant to say anything about it.

"Yeah, he's cool with it."

Sam looked at Cal who nodded his confirmation.

"Some people don't mind if their friends are assholes, Sam." Jet spoke up from where he had Dean pinned in a headlock. Cas was covering his mouth to hide his smile meanwhile Meg openly enjoyed his brother's suffering.

"You… giant… dick!" Dean gurgled and smacked at Jet's arm.

"What's that? You like giant dicks?" Jet leaned his head down closer to Dean's, "I kinda figured but you don't have to announce it to everyone-" he jerked backward when Dean aimed for his face instead, just barely missing.

"Did they always fight like that?" Nikki looked at Mary who nodded with a huffed laugh.

"Yeah, pretty much; even when they were little."

Cas turned around to see his mom and Jet's, "I think it used to be a little less enthusiastic though," he smiled and looked back at his two best friends struggle to pin the other down, "having you back really helps."

Nikki's feelings toward the wrestling match lightened as Cas' words sunk in. He sensed she was really starting to appreciate the life in Jet now, though she was just happy to be able to be around him in another setting other than 'hospital.'

Most of them were doing pretty well in the shelter, at least. Bobby and Karen spent time talking to John, Mary, and Nikki which could go on for quite some time. They all had so much to discuss since the Singers and Winchesters hadn't gotten together in a while, and Nikki only recently recovered from long-standing lung injuries. Her spirits were probably the highest out of everyone, Cas understood why and he really enjoyed sitting close to her to try and get some of that positivity for himself. She was so grateful to be walking around free of an oxygen tank or to be even walking at all. She could talk now without having to gasp and wheeze, and she wouldn't have to visit the hospital every few weeks. Nikki was the happiest and Castiel felt a little bit of pride in that; it was thanks to him she could be.

And of course the teens were still bored. Since Cal had his house so close by he could at least bring a deck of cards to play, but the man wasn't a fan of board games so there wouldn't be any Monopoly battles. Castiel watched Dean teach Jet and Sam how to play poker, and then watched Meg kick all their butts. It was fun, and everyone was relaxed enough to enjoy it.

Cal and Shimizu would listen to the radio on occasion and get updates if anything was going on or new, Cas tended to avoid listening to it after the whole 'locking himself away with his dad's phone' thing. He didn't need to know more, people were dying all over and things were getting worse. He hadn't stepped outside since they'd arrived and though that worried him, he was just as happy being in some random town no demon would think to check.

Well, at least until he noticed Meg watching him carefully one evening. The way her eyes were fixed on him he got the feeling something was up. She had been pretty chill about everything until then, her eyes were intense and her mouth pulled tight. "What is it?" He asked casually in the hopes that it wasn't anything serious, he wasn't sure what she was thinking since she rarely ever let him see that.

"I can feel you," she replied quietly, "It's not very obvious but any demons close enough will notice."

Cas' heart sank and took his relaxed state of mind with it. "How long?"

"Since I sensed you or until a demon shows up? Because if it's the latter I have no idea-"

"Since you sensed me, how long has it been?" Cas cut her off, he felt bad for it immediately but he couldn't keep his mind from panicking. If Meg could sense him then any demon could too, things were starting. He'd have to go to Heaven soon, he still didn't know how.

She didn't seem to mind his complete terror, he wasn't sure he was comfortable with that. "Maybe an hour, I didn't know what it was until a few minutes ago, it was pretty weak."

Cas ran his hand through his hair a few times, "Okay… okay, okay I should tell everyone to get ready maybe?"

"Cas you're going to freak everyone out," Meg calmly placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'll pay attention, right now it's a pretty small radius and barely reaches outside the shelter. If something gets weird I'll know before anyone's in danger, okay? Just calm down, I wanted you to know but we don't need to alarm anybody yet."

"We should at least tell them to be prepared," Castiel replied appreciatively, "Thank you, Meg."

"You're welcome, you worrying idiot."

That moment should have stood out to him, he should have stopped and thought to himself 'my energy might come back faster than it's been growing up until now' but he didn't. He told the others that they should be ready just in case something sensed him as it passed by, but because he was trying to keep everyone calm it didn't sound terribly urgent. In fact it sounded like Cas' usual 'I'm concerned for everybody' spiels. Which resulted in no panic, which was good, but it didn't actually prepare anyone either.

* * *

That night John, Bobby, Karen, Shimizu and Cal decided to get some fresh air, not everyone ventured out often so they thought it'd be good. After what Cas had said they all felt like the fight with demons was closing in, might as well enjoy some of the night and to see what Meg was up to. She wandered out more frequently and obviously than before, knowing that demons could be lurking nearby. Cas didn't pay it any mind, things were fairly calm and Meg had managed to keep him from freaking out. She'd promised she'd tell him if something was going to happen. He trusted her.

But when Cas felt a sudden power surge, he wasn't ready. It briefly lit up the shelter like a firework going off and in an instant he could sense everyone around him. His mom was calmly sitting where she and John usually slept together; she was reading a book Cal had given her from his house. Dean was asleep, though fitfully. Sam was dreaming of something warm and welcoming, Nikki was frustrated because she couldn't fall asleep, and Jet was definitely having a nightmare.

The ones outside were suddenly horrified, Shimizu and Cal were on edge immediately. John was startled, Bobby and Karen were afraid. Meg, he couldn't sense Meg other than the simple fact that she was nearby. Something was wrong, something else was there too. Cas' mind froze up and he couldn't find the words to speak. Nothing more than, "Run," came out of his mouth.

Dean lifted his head and looked at him, "What?"

"Run," Cas' eyes were wide and fixed on the door. He could feel how tense his dad was, apprehensive and cornered. Gunfire echoed now and everyone inside the shelter jostled and yelled, fear was the only Cas could feel from them, it was overwhelming. Cal was panicked and in a kind of rage only a soldier could find. He could feel Bobby, how terrified he was and overcome entirely by sadness – he couldn't sense Karen anymore.

Tears came to his eyes and he tried to stand, his legs shaking.

Now he couldn't feel Bobby anymore. His dad was scared but pumped with adrenaline. Shimizu was cold. He was there but he was wrong, like something else had gutted him and wore his skin. Castiel shook his head, this wasn't what he wanted.

There were more shots and the others inside the shelter were getting up. They were asking questions, confused and worried and he had no answers. Sam was more confused than scared, Dean was more worried than confused, and Jet was entirely afraid but running off adrenaline. He'd grabbed Sam and stowed him away in the bedroom immediately, yelling at his mom to do the same.

Mary was up and rushing to the door, she immediately grabbed the axe for fire emergencies near the exit and stepped outside; no one would get in to hurt her babies.

Meg stumbled into the shelter bleeding and hitting her knees in front of him, Cas couldn't explain his own lack of action. His senses had returned but his physical strength was still low, his legs only worked well enough to walk around, not run to save his life. He dropped down again, his legs giving out and letting him hit the floor beside her.

Cas found some ability to speak; "Meg-"

"Go," Meg coughed, holding herself together and glaring at him. Gunfire echoed louder outside the shelter, he could hear shouting but couldn't make sense of it. "It's a demon, it found us."

' _You said you'd warn me! Where did it come from? What happened to you?'_  Questions that came to his mind failed to reach his mouth, instead he said; "I can't leave you; I can't leave any of you." Cas shook his head frantically, "Don't the guns work? Can't we kill it?"

"These demons can possess people and they've got your friends," Meg grit her teeth and winced when she lifted her hand away from her abdomen. She was bleeding badly. "You can't trust that captain or Cal, or anyone that walks through that door.  _Hide_. Get out of here!"

Cas was shaking his head, no. He couldn't go far; he couldn't make it out there on his own. "Cas," Jet dragged him away from a panicked mind, he held Cas' gaze steadily. It reminded him of his astonishment with Jet's survivability, the way he handled himself without his dad and a disabled mom. "Get into the storage room and hide; we'll fight 'em off okay?"

Cas' lip quivered as his friend gestured for him to go, "I can't, I-"

"Come on!" Dean grabbed his arm and yanked him to his feet, "We can handle this, just get over there!"

Castiel stumbled along after Dean and into the storage room. "What are you going to do?" He turned to look at his boyfriend anxiously, grabbing onto the doorframe before Dean could shut him inside. "I'm not healed enough to go anywhere and there'll be too many of them for you to fight off! I can't leave you-"

"You aren't leaving us," Dean grabbed Cas' face and held it firmly with both hands, "We're protecting you, remember? That's why we're all here." Dean leaned in and kissed him, it felt desperate and Cas knew it was fearful, in the way you'd imagine someone would kiss if they thought it'd be the last time. It broke Cas' heart and if he'd had the strength to blow the roof off that shelter himself, he would have. But he didn't.

Instead he found himself hiding against a wall behind shelving units of stored food, listening to the other room.

The door opened after a few minutes and Cas knew who it was. He saw a bloody pipe and a body riddled with holes that should have ended a life, but somehow it hadn't.

"What have you done?"

"What do you think?"


	57. Taking A Beating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long! Stuff happened. Anyway here's the next chapter, I hope everyone's still interested (p.s. I'm still working on the trueform!Cas picture, it's proving to be difficult)

More echoing gunshots outside the room felt like an entirely different world from where he was perched. Cas stared down the silhouette of the soldier that had taken care of them despite his orders, took them to a place to help defend against demons, and now harboured a demon inside him. Fate was cruel.

Castiel's stomach flipped and knotted itself as he stared into the darkened eyes of the captain. He'd seen that look before, the one that watched him like some kind of animal. It was venomous and murderous, and it was after him. Cas slumped back and wished with everything he had that he was somewhere else.

Shimizu used to have such a friendly aura but it was smothered and Cas couldn't tell at a glance if it was still there or if it'd gone away completely. The demon inside him smiled, stretching his face and splitting the skin, like it didn't know the limitations of a human's body. That was the first and only moment Cas missed the ability to throw up, maybe that could have alleviated some of the pressure and ill feelings in his gut.

"Am I the first possession you've seen?" Shimizu asked and it sounded wrong, it brought back memories of the past immediately and how Cas hated being called an angel in the first place. The intruder's steps were slow as he walked closer to Cas' cornered position, shoulders hunched forward and eyes lacking every piece of life that used to be there. The pipe in his hand dripped rhythmically, the source of fluid drying up and slowing down its flow. "Can't be though; your grandpa was worn for a while, wasn't he? And that teacher of yours?"

It couldn't have been a coincidence that random demons knew about that, but Cas chose not to believe that someone else could have told them. He would have confronted that thought a little more if it weren't for Shimizu closing the gap between them. The closer he came the more Cas could see of him, his face twisted in the same sick way Caplan's was almost ten years earlier.

Cas remembered seeing through the veil on his grandfather, a nightmarish Christmas with a demon's mask. Shimizu's face was less and less his own the longer that demon held his body hostage; deformities of his limbs wouldn't be far behind. Whatever might be left of Shimizu inside his own mind, Cas doubted he'd live through this. He'd never been able to sense the host during a possession before, he'd never tried and he wasn't sure he wanted to start now. But part of him had to know. He needed answers; he needed to know if his friend would make it through this.

"You're stalling." Shimizu whispered, enjoying every second of Cas' cowering and savouring it.

Castiel had to know what a mind went through and if there was a way to save someone under that kind of hold. He pushed into Shimizu's mental space, forcing himself to stay level-headed as it pushed back. It was similar to when he'd try to see into Meg's mind, except she was a lot stronger than what he was facing.

The captain opened up to him and Cas reeled when he encountered the putrid sights of what was left. His senses were knocked around immediately by false scents of decay. He knew it was an impossible smell but his brain gave him the sensation regardless. Cas had seen the minds and inner beings of people before, he knew what he should have seen but nothing like that met his gaze inside a possessed host. Cas hadn't known rot like that, he couldn't have prepared himself for the mutilation and mutation of Shimizu's mind. The demon had reached deep into him, leaving partially devoured pieces and corruption in its wake. Internally, spiritually, Shimizu was taken apart and ground down into what Cas would have described as a dark paste, discoloured with a texture beyond anything in his vocabulary and smeared on the walls.

Shimizu was dissolving away under the pressure and poison of this monster inside him, but the captain was still in there. He was struggling and in so much mental agony that Castiel couldn't continue viewing it without feeling sick. Shimizu needed help, but what could Cas possibly do? His senses were the only thing open to him; everything else felt like he'd drain more than his slowly replenishing grace, his entire life's energy would go with it.

The most Castiel could find to do was try and ease Shimizu's pain. He found the source of his new friend's inner self, it was beaten and over half devoured. Cas tried to soothe the parts that burned and lift the diseased soul from its rotten prison. Shimizu didn't recognize his presence, didn't even acknowledge that Cas was there with him; he probably didn't have the ability to do that anymore. Cas' chest felt heavy as he took mental steps away from Shimizu, watching a new friend writhe with nothing more than a comforting energy to offer him.

"I can see you trying to come up with a way to stop me," Shimizu continued after Cas' silence and raised the pipe, directly above him now. Castiel tried to move; he scurried along the wall and took a hit to his back. It was a sick, dull sound and it knocked him to the floor face down. He kept crawling; panic and adrenaline were all he could rely on. It happened so fast; the sudden shock started to fade and left a small ache between his shoulders. His quick healing was already slow, fast enough to keep him in his right mind after that attack but not enough to get him on his feet.

Shimizu laughed disturbingly.

Another dull smack echoed in Cas' ears and left them ringing, that time it'd struck his head, which promptly repeated the sound by cracking into the cement floor. Castiel stopped moving then, his eyes wide open and staring blankly across the room. Nothing registered like it should have.

_Thud._

Cas' body shifted, a vibration on his chest.

_Thud._

Again he was displaced; it was like some kind of compression of his ribs.

_Thud. Thud thud._

It was speeding up, the way his torso moved it was almost as if there was a small child jumping on his back.

Then the angle of his head changed abruptly as a loud, echoing ring of metal on concrete deafened his ears. He watched the bloody pipe lift away; it must have just grazed him.

Cas could see the door now. It was bright and blurry until something darkened it. Footsteps and shouting blended together as one sound in Cas' ears. He could have sworn it was Dean's voice, though.

Another set of footsteps joined the mess of sounds, he squinted and wanted to look up but he couldn't find the focus. It sounded like a struggle and he was sure someone was fighting with his attacker but god, he had no idea who. He couldn't think straight; he wanted to know if Dean was okay, he wanted to know if his mom, dad, and Sam were okay. Who was still alive? Was anyone still alive? Were they possessed too?

Something or someone ran up to him, small hands pulled at his shoulders and touched his face. They said his name, he didn't hear it properly but he knew it was his name.

" _Cas! Cas!"_  Over and over. Was that Sam?

Cas closed his eyes and felt nothing.

* * *

 

"He's not getting up!" Sam shouted, kneeling next to his brother, "He's not moving!"

' _Goddamn it!_ ' He didn't have time for this. Dean held onto that goddamn pipe for dear life, face to face with the horrific demonized captain that was doing its best to rip off his arms to get its weapon back. Dean had lost contact with the ground several times and all he could really think was that he was glad for Jet's sudden assistance. It was amazing the kind of strength people could have when they didn't care for their own physical health. He was certain Shimizu had torn every muscle in his arms during the scuffles that had taken place already.

"Knock him down!" Dean shouted and Jet immediately went low, an instant alone felt like eternity as Jet brought Shimizu to his knees. Dean didn't hesitate and swung around behind, pulling the pipe against Shimizu's throat. "Sorry about this," he ground his teeth and pulled as hard as he could, choking out the body of a very helpful man.

Jet lifted an empty rifle and struck the soldier in the face with the butt end, and did it repeatedly until the captain slumped in Dean's grasp. Dean saw a level of wrath in Jet that he rarely saw even when they got into fights with Gordon and Kubrick. Hell, he couldn't believe his own anger, either he'd just strangled someone to death or Jet killed a man by bashing his head in. Each option could have been the likely cause, which made Dean feel a little better about it.

"You okay?" Jet gasped the words and Dean nearly missed it, slowly lowering Shimizu's body to the floor.

"Yeah… I think so." Both of their chests were heaving, sweat dripping down their faces. Before Dean could ask his friend the same, Jet lifted the rifle again and beat Shimizu's head a few more times for good measure. It was the only thing Dean heard, he'd immediately held his breath and watched in a weird combination of relieved horror until Jet was finished.

"Are  _you_  okay?" Dean asked hesitantly and his friend nodded, dropping the gun and stumbling backward.

"Cas isn't responding," Sam said again, this time quieter. "He's warm, though. So I think he's okay."

"Good," Jet looked out toward the main part of the shelter, "I don't hear much, I'm gonna check it out."

"Alright, I'm coming with you." Dean got up and turned to Sam, "Stay here, watch Cas." He quickly followed after Jet's footsteps; they'd left Cal up to the others. As it turned out, a possessed demon in the body of a veteran was a force to be reckoned with. Dean didn't know the extent of the damage done, but he did know that the only one who managed to stumble inside the shelter sane was his dad. However John wasn't unscathed, he was incapable of lifting a rifle or even keeping his eyes focused. Mary and Nikki stepped up when Shimizu and Cal entered in their less than amiable states of mind; it was Sam's idea to split up the work. Taking on Shimizu was left to Dean and Jet, their moms faced off against Cal.

Dean rushed into the other room and saw his mom standing defensively over his dad, shotgun in hand ready to shoot the unfortunate vet. Meanwhile Nikki was wrestling Cal to keep him away from the kids, it only took seconds to cross the room but Jet joined the fray as soon as he was able.

"Mom!" Dean rushed to her side, "Is dad okay?"

"He's hurt but he'll live," She didn't look away from the fight as she spoke, "How're your brothers?"

"Shimizu hit Cas pretty bad, Sam's with him now."

Mary grit her teeth and handed Dean the shotgun, "Guard your father." She instructed, Dean started to protest but she gave him that look only a mom could give.

"Yes mom." He aimed his weapon and waited; Mary rolled up her sleeves and stalked to where Jet and Nikki were starting to get the upper hand on what used to be Cal. Dean exhaled slowly, steady and prepared to fire. Killing someone hadn't been on his list of things to do that day, Shimizu was easily his or Jet's fault, but Dean would what he had to. It was a demon now, Cal wasn't in there anymore; telling himself this helped.

He watched the scene unfold like a surreal movie experience; Cal was nothing like fighting Shimizu. The captain went down as if part of him was holding back, somewhere inside him he tried to hold on. Cal was gone, all that was left was demonic and it nearly sent Dean into a panic as he remembered his grandfather.

Nikki had been thrown to the ground and Mary was lifted in the air by her throat. Dean's finger twitched on the trigger but didn't pull it; Jet leapt up from behind and hauled Cal to the floor. Mary was dropped but quickly had her feet under her again, going to Jet's aid as the teen was struck in Cal's retaliation. She drop-kicked the demon right in the face, it screeched once and grabbed at her leg – missing, luckily for her. Dean's mouth was dry and his heart rested in his throat, he wanted to just shoot the thing but he couldn't risk getting the others.

Jet was laid out, his nose bleeding and his arms weakly lifting up to touch the sudden and possibly worst head injury he'd ever sustained. Dean's stomach turned, his best friend sprawled on the ground like Meg and John, and very much like Cas. He gripped the shotgun tighter; those goddamn sons of bitches were going to get what was coming to them.

The door behind him slammed open, Dean turned hoping to see Bobby or Karen but instead he stared into the disturbing face of another monster. Its mouth was small but it peeled open, blood dripping from revealed fangs, and a familiar hat. Dean felt nothing but numbness when he saw it, he was sure he'd throw up but nothing came to him, nothing but one reaction. He turned the shotgun and fired, it recoiled and he knew he'd feel it later but in one shot half the creature's head was blown away.

Dean snarled and snapped back to look at the fight his mom and Nikki were facing, ready to shoot this time – but he didn't need to. Across the shelter was a light coming from the storage room just before Castiel wandered through the doorway, Sam right on his heels.

Cas practically drifted along the floor, his eyes were bright but his body language suggested no one was home. It was like he was on auto-pilot, it actually felt eerie to see his light footsteps slide him forward. He caught Cal's next move seamlessly, the veteran's wrist started to sizzle from his touch. Castiel didn't say a word, he twisted Cal's arm around and folded his body like a pretzel. Except unlike a pretzel, Cal's bones snapped and the demon gurgled and shrieked, a sound only a monster could have made since Cal's vocal chords didn't work.

Dean stared in disgusted awe as Castiel melted this man away from anything recognizable, no demon and no human remaining. "Cas?" Dean whispered but Castiel didn't reply. "Cas, can you hear me?" He stepped closer and reached for his boyfriend's still body. Cas' grace zapped back to life, Dean had no idea how but it wasn't like he ever understood how long it should have taken in the first place.

Castiel tilted his head once; angled Dean's way first then to the others around the room. He still said nothing. His entire body glowed brighter, like his skin was made of light itself. His wings re-emerged, this time slowly and with grace, as if the first time was enough for Cas to learn how to do it.

"What happened?" Jet asked wearily, confused and mumbling his words.

"Death," Sam answered shakily. "He walked in, told me who he was and said he'd save Cas."

* * *

 

_Sam stared up at the older man, someone he'd heard of through Cas but never imagined he'd see. "Save him how? Why?" He wasn't sure where the strength to speak came from but he managed it._

_Death exhaled calmly and looked down at Castiel, "I've been watching him for 16 years, he's strangely likeable, as well as a last hope for this world." He was a being of few words, that much Sam understood from Cas' stories. The horseman raised a hand over Castiel, as far as Sam could see nothing happened but he could feel it. The energy in the room shifted, it felt off and for a moment Sam thought maybe he'd just dreamt the whole thing up._

_Except Death was still there as Castiel's skin started to glow, his stance shaky as he stepped back and slumped down against the wall. He looked as though he were sleeping._

_Sam looked back at Cas to see his brother's eyes open, body slowly shifting into a sitting position. "Cas?" Sam whispered but the angel didn't reply, eyes fixed on Death's still form across the small room._

* * *

 

 

"Then he got up," Sam looked at Dean worriedly, "He hasn't said anything yet, I have no idea what Death did."

Dean looked back toward the storage room door, somehow knowing that he'd find the sleeping body of the grim reaper in there sent chills down his spine.

"Cas?" Sam reached hesitantly for his brother's hand but Castiel walked away from him before he could touch.

"Don't do it," Nikki warned him, "Don't touch him, he burned Cal with just skin contact and we don't know if that's just a demon thing." She was kneeling next to Jet, her son's head cradled in her lap.

Mary didn't listen to the warning and stepped in front of Cas' path, she placed her hands on his shoulders with no repercussions visible. "Sweetheart, can you hear us?"

"Please move," Cas whispered, his voice sounded different, like it had new power behind it. "I have to leave." He stepped around her and walked toward the door, past Dean without a noticeable glance. His eyes were too bright to tell if he had looked, but Dean knew Cas was aware of him.

Dean wanted to say something, to tell Cas everything and to stop him but there wasn't anything he could do that would help. "You're going to come back, right?" He asked solemnly, his expression serious and his eyes tearful.

Castiel stopped just outside the door, he turned his head to look over his shoulder and despite his glowing skin Dean could see a small smile on his lips. "I'll do what I can, I promise."

In a flash Cas was gone, Dean was left standing there with a mouthful of words and a single thought left in his mind in Cas' voice;

' _I love you too, Dean.'_


	58. Heaven's Gate

_He'd felt the strange energy slowly pouring into him, it was new and nothing like what he'd ever experienced. Had he passed out again? Cas struggled to open his eyes but his mind was the only that would move for him._ 'Who's there?' _He asked inwardly and the silence that replied shook him to his core. There was a slow familiarity dripping with the rest of the energy that filled his mind's cavity._ 'Death?' _The realization made his mouth run dry and his stomach threaten to purge its contents_. 'Am I dead? Did I… did I fail?'

"Almost."  _Death replied calmly though Cas could feel the irritation._ "But I can't let that happen."

'What are you doing?' _Cas asked as a tingle started in his fingertips and surged up his hands into the rest of his body._ 'Wait, you can't do this, what are you giving me?'

 _He could see him, Death's small and quiet smile. The grim reaper was a being that stayed on the outskirts of the world, only entering it silently to take away a soul that had lost its Earthly body. A life ending was the only interaction Cas had ever seen the horseman take part in. But at that moment there was something else in Death's face, like he was happy to do what he was doing._ "I'm giving you my energy, Castiel. It'll push you over the edge and you'll be a full-fledged angel, at which point I expect you to fulfill your duties."

 _Cas shook his head,_ 'No, you can't do that! You can't give yourself up for me; I haven't done anything to deserve it! I opened Hell and I have no idea how to get to Heaven, I'm hopeless-'

"Shut up. This isn't going to kill me, though I will be gone for sometime. I have seen insignificance in this world, Castiel, and you are certainly not it."

_Cas fell silent and did what he could to accept the gift. A horseman of the apocalypse, a demon, and humanity had sacrificed for him to do what he was meant to. As much as it pained him to allow it, he'd be spitting in their faces if he let himself die after everything that had already happened. Castiel opened his eyes._

* * *

 

The knowledge of an angel was more than he'd ever expected it to be. He couldn't have previously fathomed the idea that an angel could know things about the universe, tiny, and enormous things that he'd never even thought of before. His life was in front of him and the few years he spent in it already seemed to be so small in the broader spectrum. But the way it appeared compared to everything else in the world didn't matter to him, because he knew what he'd done was important. Dean was significant, his parents were significant, Sam and Jet, Meg, and every life he'd encountered were significant. It didn't matter that he now knew how old the Earth was, or how large the universe was, or even the simplest details of the furthest past. He was still Castiel Winchester, and he knew  _that_  better than he knew anything else.

But knowledge was only a single step in living; experience was an entirely different animal. Maybe that was why he believed so strongly in himself that he was a Winchester through and through. Experience taught him more than a zap from the grim reaper – though that burst of life force did give him his full angel education.

In his mind he knew what Heaven was, he understood it on a level above a human but that didn't change the awe in his system when he saw it for the first time. He stood outside the gates with wide eyes, everything was frozen in place and it was almost as if he were watching a museum. Bodies of demons and of angels alike were strewn about the place, some dead and some mid-battle. It was incredible and it was all going to come alive in seconds. It was beautiful, he'd never seen angels before and from the distance he stood at they were just wondrous statues of power. Were they like him?  _Would_  they like him? He didn't know how different he was, he was an angel but there was something inherently different within him.

Cas knew what would happen when he opened the gates, time would slowly return to the beings around him and the battle would continue. Seeing the demons facing the angels, the pure strength given off by so many creatures, Cas wondered how Earth would fare. What about the demons rampaging there?

And where was God or Lucifer?

Castiel took a deep breath, he was ready, he could do it. This was what he was meant to do; this was why he'd been made. That concept was sad to him, as a human it felt like he was meant for more than he was as an angel. There was more to experience, more to be. But that would all have to wait, who knew, maybe he'd wind up dead and he wouldn't have to concern himself with it at all. Though that wasn't an option, he'd promised Dean.

With such a simple motion as a flick of his wrist, the gates opened. Castiel stepped over the threshold and immediately took flight. Just like Hell everything slowly came to life in a wave from where he'd entered, picking up speed and gaining on him. Cas dove through a complicated obstacle course of semi frozen beings, all just on the brink of continuing their assault.

He wished he could take in the sights around him, it was beautiful, magnificent, and more than what he'd expected. His mind had informed him what Heaven's functions were, what each level was in charge of and where human souls were left to their paradise. He knew its ins and outs, he knew where God must be and he knew the general structure of what he'd see. But again, knowing didn't do it justice. There were remarkable arches and amazing architecture that he was sure humans from old times had a hand in helping with.

His wish to see the world around him was pushed aside, however, as it had only taken moments for attacks to start flying again. Castiel's eyes glowed bright and his wings flared, he blasted through the battles leaving piles of stunned demons in his wake. Each one that touched him, an outstretched wing, or even the trail of light he left behind was slowly disintegrating. Cas didn't turn back; he didn't have time.

Larger demons were there, it had been a major attack on Heaven so obviously the biggest and more terrifying demons would have been present. Cas had been in Hell, he'd seen the torment of humankind and the monsters that lurked there, but he was still stunned. With a fully realized angelic mind he could fathom the creatures he'd seen, he knew more and understood more and he wished that hadn't been the case. Looking at one demon now was different than it had been, on a certain level it wasn't nearly as scary. But it was on many levels far more disturbing and distressing than it had ever been.

Castiel prepared himself to have to fight, his mind raced and goddamn could it race. Just because he was given all the knowledge an angel should have didn't mean he was used to it yet. He knew things that he didn't know he knew and it'd surprise him, like destroying demons moments ago with a trail of his energy. Cas was unaware he knew how to do that but it came to him like a natural reaction. Maybe autopilot would be his best bet to get him through to the highest level of Heaven but he wasn't willing to just throw his trust like that.

As he thought over his own abilities his 'autopilot' crossed streams with a demon his size. It lunged at him and he caught its bladed arm, the entire limb sharpened to a deadly point. Cas snarled and bent it, snapping it off.

"You son of a bitch!" It shouted and lashed out, each strike mirrored by Cas' limbs and it felt a little like an episode of Dragonball Z. He almost laughed at himself for thinking it.

Another angel dove in to his aid, fiery red hair and beautiful wings. Cas hadn't paid enough attention to his fellow angels; this was the first one he saw up close.  _'Is that what I look like?'_  He could see the human form she would take as well as he true form. It was a strange mix but that was the kind of vision he had now, multiple eyes probably didn't hurt.

"Castiel, it's good to finally meet you." She said after obliterating their opponent. She could only look at him for a second before two more demons went after her. Cas beat one down with a wing and shot a bolt of light from his fingers; there was another one of those  _'I can do that!?'_  moments.

"I'm sorry I've taken so long," he replied as he grabbed onto a third monster that joined their struggle just before it reached his comrade. As it had happened before, his brain supplied her name; Anna. "I don't know what I'm meant to do now, I've opened both gates." He trailed off and shook his head, "I opened Hell first…"

"That's alright," Anna turned and gave him a hug, "You've done beautifully, Castiel. We're all very proud to call you brother."

That was new. Cas realized what Heaven meant to an angel now; he felt a surge or pride and pain all at once from her words. He was torn apart inside for what he'd done to Earth and not being capable of going to free his family. His original family. Angels and Heaven were part of him, it was in his mind and in his system like a robot that had downloaded and installed new data. The part of him that grew up on Earth hated it, hated that he'd ever call another family his own.

But that was petty; he could love more than one group of people at a time. Earth would forever be dear to him and his family and place with the Winchesters would never leave him. However he understood more about the world than just that. The small mindedness of a teenaged boy compared to an angel that could live for eons was no contest. He was overwhelmed by Anna's kindness and felt he didn't deserve it; he hadn't earned any respect beyond just being what he was. Castiel knew he owed them; somehow he'd make it up to them.

Though his angelic family bond wasn't the only part that he owed a lot to. He would return and save Earth as soon as Heaven was able to stand up and fight with him. He swore he'd do his best to return to Dean, and if an angel's best wasn't good enough then he knew that he was never meant to exist in that world at all.

"Go on," Anna urged him and drew a sword he hadn't realized she'd had, "They're waiting for you."

Cas wasn't sure whom she meant but he could guess. He took off again, speeding through layers of Heaven. When he came across the third Heaven he saw the gates to Hell again, the ones he hadn't been able to cross when he was down there. It was open; he could feel the awfulness of Hell lurking beyond it and watched angels as he flew by. They were trying to force it closed again, demons Cas recognized from his stint in Hell attempting to burst through.

It was a split second decision but he couldn't just pass by. Castiel dove down and, in the flashiest entrance he'd ever made unintentionally, slammed into gate's doors. In his momentum he managed to crush a demon halfway through and sever its upper body. The other angels got to work on sealing it again immediately, some looking up at him in awe.

"Is that Castiel?" He heard one ask but he didn't stay and chat. The longer he was there the more Heaven woke up, and with that came the increasingly upsetting knowledge that something was wrong. The Heavenly Host was poisoned, Lucifer was somewhere inside and angel-kind was dying.

It hadn't affected him but the grace of all the others was weakening and he didn't know how to stop it. That was something only God could tell him. Cas knew he had to get higher up and find God sooner; he had to save the angels. He wished it had been as simple as he'd believed it to be the first time, that all he'd have to do was open up Heaven's gate and the angels would pour out.

But, he supposed, there was a reason behind it all sealing in the first place. It was because of the attack on Heaven, it was God's last-ditch effort to give their cure a chance; Castiel. Cas wasn't sure how but he was the last hope, not just in unsealing the afterlife but also for all of the angels. It was inside him, there was something about his grace that didn't do what all the others did.

Cas knew then that there would be no angels left if he stopped to try and save them all along the way. He had to cure the disease that was spreading through them.


	59. I Don't Believe We've Met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know my updates have slowed down and I'm sorry about that. I've run full force into a brick wall of 'what the hell do I fucking write.' I want to end this story with a cool-ass climax and good ending. I don't know if I'm gonna go for a sappy ending but I'm gonna go for an ending. This chapter isn't the end but it should be the start of the climax. Should be.
> 
> I've sorta been doubting my abilities (I know a lot of you guys have praised me and encouraged me, thank you so much for that. And I now it comes off a bit whiny but I really just wanna be honest here). I'm worried I'll disappoint you so I guess I'll just say upfront that I have no idea if this story will end with good writing or if it'll be mediocre at best. No idea. I am doing my best, which is why things have been slow. It's thanks to your reviews and kind words that I've had the strength to keep going and I swear I will finish this story for all of you. I love you guys, stay awesome

Castiel remembered his rush through Hell very clearly as he did the same through Heaven. The scenery wasn't the same but there were so many similar monsters that he could hardly tell the difference. He could feel the decay inside himself as he flew. Beneath him Heaven crumbled, angels were fighting strong but slowing down at increasing rates.

He watched as the wave of life passed him by and shot ahead. It climbed through the levels of the holy land and set off blasts of energy and fire in its path. Cas kept his eyes forward; he knew if he looked down he'd end up going to help. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing but it'd result in their imminent demise regardless. Angelic knowledge told him he needed to see the Father; he needed to talk to God. The human in him screamed in protest, how could he possibly see himself as worthy enough to speak with a God? He hadn't even really believed in it until more recently, it was astounding.

Dean had told him a long time ago that if he ever found proof of a God he should share it. Cas wasn't sure how far past sharing he was, Dean went through Hell with him, was that enough proof of a God or proof against it? If Cas weren't what he was and where he was at that moment, he might've said Hell's existence was obvious proof that God did not exist. And thoughts like that were what made him nervous as he soared over a long stretch of a broken battlefield.

He dodged different energy attacks as they sailed through the air, not even bothering to identify if it was demonic or a stray angel shot. God was somewhere up ahead, somewhere in the seventh Heaven and from what Cas understood he was just passing through the fifth.

Heaven was different than Hell and yet very much the same all at once. The dimensional space that each took up was far larger than what was originally seen. Parts of Heaven could overlap in the same spot; for example the human souls that resided within it could roam any part of Heaven that was open to them. Except there were only a few placed that overlapped with the portions angels occupied. And the angels that humanity would see were not the fighters; they were the peaceful, and the ones who'd sing in a choir. The soldiers and warriors were everywhere else.

Something above rumbled and at first he could only see the buildings, magnificently crafted and enormous buildings. Cas waited a second but nothing happened. His skin started to crawl, what could that have been?

Another crack of thunder echoed from on high, it was coming from the seventh. Castiel was getting closer but he still wasn't sure what was causing it. His stomach twisted.

An explosion above tore apart ancient walls, bridges and roadways made for the occupants. A tainted energy surged down with the rubble and debris. Castiel clenched his jaw.

Lucifer was awake.

Lightning and shots of grace followed the explosion, along with a wave of air, and power that burst past him. Cas' wings weren't anywhere close to giving in but he had to brace his arms in front of his face. A major fight had restarted up there, someone was duking it out with Lucifer. And as he tried to make out who it was, someone somehow familiar was hurdling toward him from the highest echelon of Heaven. Cas didn't know him, he couldn't have, and yet he found himself rushing forward. Whoever this was, they were his older sibling. Whoever it was, they were coming for him.

Whoever…? No, he knew him.

"Cas!" The angel shouted and full force collided with him. Castiel panicked for a second, his wings flapped awkwardly, but his mind caught up with him. He wasn't in any danger and the arms of his brother were tightly wrapped around him. "Look at you, all grown up!"

_A soft blanket draped over his face blinded him but he knew someone was holding him. Castiel struggled to see them, an infant's mind unable to understand that the cloth wouldn't move for him without help. When it was finally out of his way he saw a new face._

" _You are special," his brother smiled and wiggled a finger above him, Cas stared in surprised awe. At the time he had no way of knowing or understanding who or what he was, but he did know he liked Gabriel's face. It was different and new, no one had held him like that before and no one had a face like that._

_Gabriel's finger tapped the tip of his nose and Cas scrunched up, another new thing. He would have focused on it longer but Gabe's face scrunched too, his brother's face could move! Castiel hadn't seen that before, he thought everyone looked the same all the time. It was amazing and it was so exciting. Gabriel was the first real interaction he had, the first real moment he felt loved._

_And in turn Gabriel was the first one he loved, too._

Angelic memory was an astounding thing. Cas squinted a little and even scrunched his nose a bit; it couldn't be the same guy, could it? But then who else would it be?

His brother mimicked his expression before breaking into another grin, "Gabriel?" Cas asked hesitantly, hoping his instinct was right on that one. "You're Gabriel, right?"

"Even knows my name," Gabe leaned back and got a good look at him, "Baby bro I am so impressed with you! You made it!" He ruffled up Cas' hair, a gesture he was semi used to but it helped him understand Sam's hatred of it. "Been waitin' on you for a while, kiddo. What took you so long?"

"Aging," Cas smiled anxiously, "Gabriel, you were the one that put me on Earth, aren't you? Why didn't you leave anything for me that'd tell me what was going to happen? Or my parents at least? I've been completely lost."

Gabe's face shifted from complete excitement to serious in a split second. He gave Cas another hug, this time a little tighter. "To tell you the truth, when I put you down there I had no idea I wasn't gonna come back for you." He leaned back again and really looked at Cas' face, his eyes were so torn apart that Cas nearly regretted asking. "I got the low down from Dad after I got back; Lucifer was sprung from his cage and given a sample of everything in Heaven. They made a disease that'd kill us all off,"

"So that's what it is…"

"Yeah, Dad said you're the cure and then he froze Heaven and Hell to make sure you had enough time to develop." Gabriel smiled anxiously this time, "You know I would've come back for you if I could've, right?"

"Of course, Gabriel." Cas swallowed his fear and his pride, the pieces of him that wanted to scream at them for leaving him that way. "But… I don't know how I can help, I just learned all the angel stuff but I have no idea how to use it. Things are just coming to me…"

"You'll get used to it, but for right now let's go talk to Dad, he'll be able to tell you what to do." Gabriel hooked an arm around his and took flight again. Cas was surprised at Gabe's speed, autopilot had gotten him pretty far but Gabriel had total control over his wings. "I don't know much about all this, nobody tells me anything around here." Gabriel complained jokingly.

"I know the feeling," Cas tried to keep up, silently grateful that Gabriel was holding onto him.

Gabe was quiet for a bit, something that Cas already knew was slightly uncharacteristic of him.

"I'm sorry," Castiel broke the silence between them, "You're sick and you went through a lot, you don't deserve the kind of blame I was putting on you." He smiled when the archangel looked back at him, "Thank you for saving my life, Gabriel."

He smiled wide in return, "Call me Gabe, kiddo."

"Gabe it is, then. Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

Cas liked how fast Gabe could rebound from feeling sad/guilty to upbeat in a matter of seconds. "I thought I'd run into more demons up here, what's going on? Where'd they all go?"

"Dad pushed most of 'em back through the gate in the third Heaven. I'm sure you noticed that a few broke back in."

He remembered how many he'd run into in Hell lurking outside that same gate, some insanely powerful and enough of a threat that Death had got in contact with him. Cas smiled sadly to himself, the Horseman that said he wouldn't hold Cas' hand still watched out for him, despite Cas' fuck ups. "It's kinda funny, if He hadn't pushed them through that gate I could've been here much faster."

Gabriel snorted, "Well how was He supposed to know you'd go through Hell first?"

"Uh… He's God? All knowing?"

"Shush."

* * *

 

With Gabriel in the lead Cas reached the upper echelons of Heaven faster than he'd anticipated. The air was thick and everything shook with the weight of an overpowered fight. Cas looked around and spotted his Father resting against a wall looking as tired as he felt.

"Castiel?" He looked up and a smile pulled at his lips, "I knew you'd be beautiful, I didn't expect this though."

"Cute, right?" Gabriel smirked and slapped Cas on the back, urging him forward.

Cas approached quietly and knelt down next to Him, "Uh… Father?" he wasn't entirely sure how to refer to God, the term 'dad' was still reserved for John Winchester. "Gabe said you think I'm the cure to this poison, but I don't know how to help."

"I made you to be the cure," He corrected but before he could continue the wall blew apart and two angels burst through.

Cas' wings immediately covered his Father and Gabriel's shielded Cas. The amount of grace and power being thrown around made Castiel's head burn. He looked up at the beauty that was the brawl between his two eldest brothers.

Michael swung a sword with amazing speed but never seemed to be able to hit Lucifer. Actually it was almost painful to watch, Michael's strokes were slowing down marginally each time he moved. His face was contorted in pain and Cas realized that the poison was coursing through him faster, even possibly made to be more potent for the archangel.

_Castiel opened his eyes for the first time and saw nothing but light. He didn't know where he was or who was around him, but all the same he cried. He was lying on his back on some hard surface before the first touch of his life; his brother's hands supported him before wrapping him in a blanket._

_Cas blinked as the brightness of the room dimmed and he could make out someone's face. It was the first face he'd ever seen and it showed the most neutral expression. "Welcome to the family, little one. You won't come to know this for some years but my name is Michael, I'm your eldest brother." He carried the newborn to a separate room; Cas was trying to see more of his brother's face. "Father has named you Castiel." Michael stated as he laid Cas down in a bed. He peered into the crib for a moment before departing with the news._

Lucifer wasn't so much fighting ferociously as he was waiting for Michael's strength to peeter out. It started off as a battle on equal ground but the longer it took the less there was left of Michael. Gabriel arched his wings and dove into the fray before Cas could even wrap his head around it.

"That's enough!" Gabriel shouted and tackled Lucifer and held him down, "This has gone on long enough."

Michael stepped down to the ground and stumbled, his legs starting to give out on him. "Gabriel, this isn't your fight." He was still able to hold up a strong voice, for whatever that was worth.

"Castiel," God reached up and touched Cas' face, turning his attention back. "Gabriel is buying you time, you must feed your grace into Heaven before Lucifer's poison finishes us all off."

"What happens when I do that?" He asked anxiously, "Will their strength return immediately?" He doubted it when he asked but his Father's hesitation answered it for him instantly. Castiel looked back toward Gabriel who was losing his battle with the poison nearly as quickly as Michael was. Lucifer would kill them.

Castiel didn't fully understand the concept behind the devil, who's fault it was that he was evil in the first place, or anything involving his origin story. However he did know that Lucifer would kill two of his brothers regardless if Cas could dissolve the poison in time.

When he'd been in Hell he hated the idea of it and why God would have created such a thing in the first place. He questioned the wisdom of something all-knowing, the strength of an all-powerful being, and the benevolence of the supposed embodiment of its definition. Castiel understood better now, nothing could ever be all three of those things at once. He didn't doubt that God could be all three, but He'd have to sacrifice one to be more of the other at a time. In his current situation, Cas knew that God wasn't as all-knowing as He could have been.

Castiel rose to his feet and turned to see Lucifer send Gabriel hurdling through the air and past the busted wall.

He'd been asked to leave the immediate area, take advantage of Gabriel's distraction and go to remove the poison. It meant leaving Gabriel and Michael to die, possibly even God Himself.

Castiel couldn't do it; it wasn't in him to be that kind of person. Abandoning family and friends for a greater purpose hadn't ever been part of his programming.

"Hey asshole!" He shouted just before launching a ball of energy and scarring Lucifer's ear, indefinitely getting the lord of darkness' attention. "I don't believe we've met, I'm Castiel Winchester."


	60. Purification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god you guys! I have received some very uplifting messages and I was so happy and it was very comforting. Thank you so much, I love you and your awesomeness. I managed to rest my nerves and felt refreshed, ready to write the next chapter. Annnd then I got food poisoning. This should've been done a few days ago but I'M SO HAPPY IT WASN'T!!! 
> 
> Earlier today I had the BEST idea of how to bring this story to a close! Yes! You read right! I CAME UP WITH AN ENDING! 
> 
> For anyone lost right now, I was fighting to figure out a way to end this story for months. Fucking months you guys. And now I got it! I am so stoked!! Also happy Easter. Eat a lot of chocolate for my poor food poisoned self.

 

The immediate silence that fell between them was thick and left Cas' mind racing. He grit his teeth and raised his head, the same way he remembered Dean and Jet doing right before a fight. The things they did to protect him made sense, he understood the need to fight.

They were always defending him…

" _Mr. Winchester that's enough!"_ Mr. Milton had shouted at him, Cas had already pushed him to his wits end and it was just the beginning of the day.

" _I didn't do anything,"_ Dean had grinned and nearly made Cas laugh.

" _You didn't have to do that,"_ he'd told his brother but the seamless shrug and carefree smile told him so much more.

" _It was pretty funny though, wasn't it?"_

Dean had always looked out for him but could hide it so well behind that smile of his. He seemed like he just did it naturally, and maybe he had. There was always that feeling, Cas knew it well, that he was being watched over.

But Dean wasn't the only one.

 _"Cas if you keep letting them get away with that shit you'll never stop 'em."_  Jet demanded he do something for himself, but his response wasn't at all what his friend had hoped for.

 _"I don't need to be violent to stand up for myself, that's enough."_  How wrong was he? He could only ask himself questions and talk himself in circles as he stared Lucifer down. No one could un-ring the bell he'd rung, he could never take back the violence he'd shown and he wasn't sure it was right for him to hold back.

He'd argued with the two of them about fighting and violence many times but when it came down to the wire he knew they would fight for him, and he knew they would kill for him. They already had.

So then the question he had to ask himself was this; would he do the same for them?

"No, I don't think we have met." Lucifer replied finally and turned toward him, a snarl pulling at the left side of his upper lip. "A new angel, I presume?"

"More or less," Cas arched his wings, "And I'm here to put an end to you."

He could tell Lucifer was fighting the urge to just blast him into next week but he held his ground. The prince of darkness exhaled heavily and started taking slow steps his way. It was reminiscent of the broken shamble he'd seen in Shimizu. "Castiel, was it? Listen to me, little brother; you don't know what kind of mess you're stepping in here."

"You're no brother of mine. I was born separately from you, I am nothing like you, and I will never be your family." Cas stood firm and was unyielding to Lucifer's attempts to frighten him or talk him out of it. "Enough stalling." He burst forward and lunged for Lucifer's throat, just barely missing as the archangel stepped out of the way.

Lucifer's expression held as it had looked before but Cas could feel the shift in energy, Lucifer was nervous and Cas was much faster than he'd anticipated. "You're nothing special, you insignificant runt." He spat and snapped his fingers.

"Cas!" Gabriel shouted as the snapping echoed but nothing happened. Cas glanced back toward Gabe who had gone to Michael's side; both archangels were staring in astonished horror. "Nothing…?" Gabriel blinked a few times and started to smile, "Nothing happened!"

"What is the meaning of this!?" Lucifer shouted next, his anger directed at their Father who sat smiling quietly as he watched the scene unfold. "Nothing but archangels can withstand that, he should have exploded!"

Cas looked down at himself for a second but wasted no extra time on the thought. He cracked his elbow into the back of Lucifer's neck and sent a shock of energy into his spine. Lucifer was shot to the ground face first, his eyes wide open, he didn't know how to handle the shock. Castiel dove onto him, a heightened and sharp physical source of energy extended from his arm. Just before he shoved it into the devil's abdomen, Lucifer's grace surged out of him like a protective barrier and sent Cas flying backward.

The young angel crashed right next to Gabriel and Michael, his wings flailed in an attempt to get him upright again. Michael struggled to stand as well, "You won't fight him alone, Castiel."

"You're dying and fighting is only speeding up the process," Cas looked at him sternly, "Sit down and rest, I'll finish him myself."

"Cas…" Gabriel trailed off anxiously and looked at Lucifer; the other archangel was rising to his feet again. "He's our brother, we can't kill him."

"You don't actually believe that, do you?" Cas asked as he pulled himself to his feet.

"How would you feel?" Gabe asked him, anger seething just below the surface of his exterior. Gabriel was hurt; Cas could feel the anguish that the ancient fight had caused him over so many years.

"I'm sorry Gabe," he whispered softly, "I really am. But if Dean, Sam, Jet, or Meg ever did what Lucifer has done, I would do to them whatever I had to do to make them stop. That includes killing them." He could hear his own words and it was like another being was speaking through him. Or was that really him? The angel inside was capable of fulfilling those words, but the boy, the teenaged boy that he'd always known himself to be denied it. Pretty words to ease the suffering of another. He reached inside Gabriel to do the same thing he'd always done, soften the blow of reality and erase the spikes of pain until they were barely noticeable.

"Do it." Michael urged him. Cas could tell he was torn up about it just like Gabriel but he'd long come to terms with the reality of what he'd have to do one day. Gabe was good at living in denial; Cas figured his human side was far more like Gabriel than the other angels. Maybe he could always be himself no matter what happened, humanity and all included.

"What the fuck have you made?" Lucifer had stalked to stand over his father, rage seeping out of every part of his being. "What  _is that_!?" He pointed to Castiel.

"That is a new type of archangel; Castiel is an inspired work of art."

"An archangel?" Lucifer turned to look at Cas again, they were both stunned but something about that answer bothered Castiel. He was more than that. He could feel it, there was more to him than just being on an archangel's level.

"Figures," Michael smiled, not seeing the same problem that Castiel did. "We'll need a new one to replace the old one."

"The only one I'll replace is him," Cas composed himself and rocketed at Lucifer another time, his wings spread and he felt a shift in his body. Full angel form burst out all at once in a flare of grace just before impact. Lucifer matched his attack and managed to deflect the majority of its strength, though he still took a nasty blow to the side. Cas kept coming at him, beat him with his wings and cracked skulls with his main head.

He watched as Lucifer's form shifted and the power surge shook the base of the Heaven they stood in. "You wanna play like that, do you?" he grinned maliciously, one of four beautiful faces inches from Castiel's. It was incredible, the power and energy that pulsed in the air around them was electric and sent shivers down his spine. Lucifer mixed with Castiel and it resonated throughout the entire realm they were in. It was just a moment of silence before Cas realized the danger he'd let himself be in. Lucifer's grace was toxic and burned into his own through the contact of their skin.

Cas fought it immediately, expecting it to be difficult but his grace instantly overpowered the devil's. He watched as that instant stretched out before him, his light burst through Lucifer's veins and forced him to let go, recoiling in pain.

He didn't get the chance to question it, Lucifer stopped holding back and more importantly; he stopped underestimating the newest angel. "You can't exist." He hissed and grabbed Castiel's arm again, strength and energy swelling like a tidal wave.

The ground seemed to evaporate from beneath him and Castiel found himself falling. The air rush through him as Lucifer dragged him down, one set of multiple arms clutching him closely. Cas' wings spread out for wind resistance to slow them down but it wasn't as much use as he'd hoped. He could feel it; they were headed right for the gate that separated Heaven from Hell. Before he could stop them his back hit the closed doors suddenly and he heard a resounding crack.

Lucifer was fast when he wasn't treating Castiel like a gnat.

The gates shuddered under the weight and pressure placed on them but didn't burst open. Cas was grateful for that much but he didn't have time to reflect on it, he caught another of Lucifer's free arms that just about pierced his belly.

"I'm going to send you back in there, you mutant angel! You can take my place in prison." Satan growled into his face. Castiel struggled to push the angry archangel's hand away; he could hear the gate beneath him groaning. But more than that he could feel Heaven crumbling from the shockwave of each move that he or Lucifer made. The holy lands wouldn't last much longer with that kind of power shaking it.

And then the doors shattered. It gave way under his wings and his core, pieces rushing by him in the gust of stale air. Demonic cries echoed and Cas knew the mass of monsters he'd seen on his first pass through were behind him. Death had told him not to fight, that he wasn't ready yet.

But he wasn't the same angel he was then. He understood everything and he could use his potential. He was complete.

Castiel watched Lucifer's main face twist in a grin, distorting its beauty and decaying before him. But Cas wasn't afraid of it, instead he smiled back and grabbed onto the prince of lies, tightening his grip. His grace sparked inside him and surged through his body again, lighting his skin and shining in his eyes.

"What are you doing?" Lucifer's demeanor changed suddenly, he could feel the power growing inside Castiel as they fell into Hell.

"I'm going to make these demons, this place, and you insignificant." Castiel replied. Lucifer looked panicked but Cas didn't stop. Light emanated from him, every surface of his body glowing brighter and brighter. He could hear the malevolent cries of demons becoming more anguished as his strength grew, his grace was everywhere.

"You're no angel," Lucifer struggled to get away from Castiel but he couldn't, Cas could feel the terror surfacing in him. Castiel's touch was like acid, slowly eating away at Lucifer's arms like it had done to demons before. "Not even archangels can do this! What are you-!" The gate was the only thing remaining behind them; the light in Castiel's grace spread and devoured the demonic and every tainted wall of Hell. "What are you  _doing!?"_

" _I'm purifying it_ ," Castiel lost track of his own voice, Enochian ruled his tongue again as he dragged Lucifer down through his own domain. Each level they passed fluctuated and became a ripple of dimensional space. He never did understand the meaning of this place. " _How did you poison Heaven?"_

"Let me go!"

" _Who gave you the essence of the angels and God?"_

Lucifer screamed out of agony as Castiel's grip dug deeper into his body. "I d-don't know!"

" _Liar."_

He could sense the damned human souls released, he knew they'd go to Purgatory to wait. Death would be mad with him but he'd handle it later.

" _STOP!"_ Lucifer shrieked and tried to beat on Castiel, it did little to nothing now. Cas' full strength was realized and Lucifer's strikes nearly bounced off him. "I don't know who it was! One day my prison was weakened, I broke free and found it nearby!"

Castiel crashed them both into the center of the icy prison at the bottom of Hell, the place Lucifer had originally crawled out of.  _"I was told an angel betrayed us, that means that there's one angel that wasn't affected by your venom. Who was it?"_

Lucifer struggled but couldn't push Cas off, "Every angel I know of was accounted for, you're the only one that wasn't in there." His arrogance had deteriorated and all he could do was stare up at the new being above him. "I'm not lying this time… I don't know how I got it, I just used it."

"I believe you," Castiel replied, his language reverting to English again.

Cas held him still and stared him in the eye, watching the fear become more than real to a being that thought itself invincible. The purification was catching up to them, eating away at the darkness and cavernous walls around them. "I have one more question for you," Cas whispered and reached up to touch Lucifer's face, cupping his cheek gently. Tears fell from the devil's eyes but he didn't protest. "What do you think will become of you once you're purified?"

Lucifer didn't get the chance to answer as light engulfed them both. Castiel's grace settled and left him kneeling alone in an empty world; the only things nearby were an open gate to Heaven and a tunnel of darkness leading to Purgatory. He straightened out and flexed his wings, "Rest now, Lucifer." He smiled quietly to himself and flew silently back through to Heaven. He could feel it falling apart, he just hoped he could save what little of it that was left.


	61. Heaven's Last Hope

Purification of Hell had taken a tremendous amount of his energy but Cas couldn't feel the difference. In fact he felt stronger than he had before; it didn't make sense to him. At least not until he looked at it another way; it was the same kind of thing he was about to do to Heaven. The world's source had been pulled into him and his own grace acted like a sieve, sifting through Hell's particles. He'd internally destroyed and absorbed what wasn't useful; the rest was inside him and feeding the remainder of the purifying process.

It was all so incredible, the sheer power residing in him giving him the ability to do whatever he needed to. He'd never imagined he'd have that kind of skill when he just thought himself human.

Lucifer's departure bothered him, though. He held the energy of every being of salvageable worth from Hell within himself; Lucifer's grace was part of that mixture and was the only portion that was readily available to him. He could see Lucifer's fading mind, everything the archangel had to offer was there and open to him. Castiel examined it mentally, quickly scanning for something immediately important.

He hadn't lied, Cas knew that but he could now see it for himself. Every angel was accounted for, every type of grace and even the essence of Heaven itself was present. So then why would an angel give all of that information away? It would damn them as well as the rest. There wasn't an answer readily available to him and that was slowly eating at his mind.

But that wasn't all Lucifer's life force had to offer him. Lucifer had been created like all the other angels, except he was made with the unfair flaws that he had. He'd had the nerve to stand up against God and that was what ultimately wound him up in an icy, lonely prison. He had been created that way, made to disobey and then punished for it as if it were his fault. Castiel could see the young angel far back before anything had gone wrong with him. Lucifer's life was perfect but there was always that dark seed within him. The thing that would turn him against the rest and pour evil from his core; a seed he was born with.

Cas wished he could offer some kind of solace, but he'd already given it. The monster within Lucifer, the devil and prince of darkness was no more. Castiel had already taken it apart. What was left, however, was the center of the archangel Lucifer, the angel that he should have been. Cas cradled the stunned grace and placed in safety within himself, he'd help Lucifer heal. It was the best he could do.

As soon as he emerged from the gate he could feel the weight of its decay, and God was there to greet him.

"Castiel… What have you done?" He looked tired, and a mixture of many other things.

Castiel tilted his head curiously; some of God's feelings of were anger and anxiety. He didn't understand his supposed Father yet but he wasn't sure that rage should have been a reaction. Maybe he was mad about Hell, since he was the one who had made it. "I didn't see the purpose of a place that tortured people's souls for eternity, so I removed it." Cas explained, keeping eye contact with the Almighty. "I had meant to talk to you about it after I went through it the first time. But that's not as important now, it's been purified." He'd taken the situation into his own hands and made a choice, it's what he'd been doing since he realized he was an angel. It just came naturally to him, asking for permission wasn't something he'd ever done before because there was no one to ask. God was there now, Cas could have talked to Him about it but part of him didn't see the point. Not to mention he didn't really have the time.

God's eyes looked dark for a second, as if something had crossed His mind. He nodded and tried to calm Himself. "I created it for a reason, souls that require punishment need to go somewhere," Cas could tell that there was something He wouldn't say, something He wasn't willing to talk about. Hell couldn't have been so important to Him, could it? But even if it was, God wasn't the only being that Cas was concerned with. There were far more souls hurting, too many people to count, as well as Lucifer himself. Cas was sure he'd make the same decision each time if he'd ever have to re-do it.

"I don't think punishing them should go as far as you've pushed it." Cas walked past Him, partially surprised by his own actions. Was he sassing God? That sure was what it sounded like. "Now, the heart of Heaven is in the seventh, right? In your chambers?"

"Castiel!" The Lord protested his leaving but Cas didn't listen the way he was expected to. He angrily looked over his shoulder, his mind racing with words that he could have said. He could have asked right then and there, what kind of God are you? Are you benevolent? Are you omnipotent? Or are you all-powerful?

"If you didn't want me to do it, why did you make me with the ability to do so?" He didn't wait for an answer, instead he took flight shouting back "Come on, we don't have time." He rushed higher, still surprised by his speed.

He stepped down in the seventh Heaven in front of the doors, the two beaten archangels resting close by. "I can't believe it," Michael gasped weakly, Gabriel was slouched next to him but still conscious. "You… you beat him so… so quickly…"

"I did," Cas smiled sadly, "I did what I could to redeem him, but it might take time."

Gabriel wiped his eyes and nodded, his smile still going pretty strong, "I can feel him… Thank you, Cas. I think it's better he's with you."

Michael blinked slowly as he looked at Cas, sensing out Lucifer's grace, "Did… you save him?"

"There is no longer a devil, and there is longer a Hell. Lucifer will come back in time, but it will be a while." Cas watched Michael as the archangel let that sink in; he had tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I need to go." He told them, knowing he could get to know them better later. But before that he'd have to save them, they didn't appear to protest.

Cas rushed into God's chambers and was nearly overwhelmed the moment he walked in. He could feel everything at once, his grace spiked again and he stood still in the center of the large room. He could see all of Heaven; parts of it had already fallen away, lost to them and waiting to be rebuilt. The mirrored levels of Heaven created for humanity's souls were separated and adrift, floating adjacent but not connected.

He sensed all of the angels; many had already lost their lives and lay wasting away in the holy lands. It was heartbreaking but he couldn't focus on it, he'd lose his nerve.

Castiel felt the source of Heaven; it pulsed slowly and diminished bit by bit. It was still incredible despite its weakened state; Cas could hardly imagine what it could have been in its prime. He closed his eyes and let it come to him, slowly sinking into him – or was he inside of it?

Not that it mattered; they were connected, him and his homeland. Heaven was so clear to him that it hurt, but now he could see the Earth too. His grace seeped out of him and into the rivers of Heaven's energy. At first it was slow and he hardly noticed the change. He was too focused on his real home, his real world. Earth was below him and the life that surrounded it was incredible at worst, but it was so much smaller than he'd anticipated or knew it should have been.

He could see how many souls were escaping and they were going at such a rapid rate he didn't know how to differentiate where they were coming from. Demons were everywhere; many had fled from Hell and ravaged the Earth. Some had been taken out by human militaries but not nearly enough. Large cities were devastated, massive storms and elemental forces blasted through the rest.

How could all of that have happened already? Had it been going on while he was still there?

Where was his family? He scanned for them as his grace drained inside of Heaven's source, purifying it from the inside. It made his legs feel weak and his stomach turned, Heaven's life force was basically going through a blood transfusion.

Cas tried to center himself; he needed to know where they all were.

There were handfuls of souls clumped together in different places around the globe; he knew they'd be in the United States, maybe still at Cal's place. At first he felt like he'd never find them but there was one light that glowed brighter than the rest. He was drawn to it and knew better than to doubt himself; it was Dean. Of course it was Dean. Cas' heart jumped into his throat, he wanted to focus on them and see them but what if something had happened? What if he'd caused more pain than he'd meant to?

No. It didn't matter if he did or didn't because there was nothing he could do from there. He'd apologize later. He'd always apologize later.

So he looked and saw them all. Dean was talking to Mary; they were still in the shelter. John was alive; he was resting in the bedroom. Without Castiel there with them they didn't draw in any more demons other than the ones flying overhead. There were dead bodies outside deterring them. Bodies of demons and the bodies of the Singers. Castiel felt sick and cringed, he knew he had to look away from it but he couldn't. That was his fault. They were dead because of him. He'd apologize later, for the rest of his life he'd be sorry.

His grace flowed out of him like a waterfall and he felt weak. Cas turned away from them and back to Dean, watching Dean's soul and Dean's movements to try and ease his own pain. It was comforting and soothing; tears welled up in his eyes but stayed there. It was a relief to see his family. Dean looked just as he had before Cas left, or at least mostly. He didn't know how much time had passed but maybe it wasn't as much as he thought.

He saw Sam down there; he was sitting in the bedroom that John had been laid in. Jet was there too, not unconscious but still injured; Nikki had wrapped his head up and was checking on him. Cas remembered Meg had been hurt too, very badly. He looked for her frantically, fearing the worst until he caught her energy. She was alive and sitting in the room that Cas had gone to hide in from Shimizu. She was looking at Death, the horseman wasn't awake but he was still alive. Cas couldn't quite explain the way she felt, her energy was all mixed up and twisted, she was thinking hard about something but he couldn't tell what from where he was.

Cas wished he could have heard them too. He wished he could ask them how they were doing, how long it had been, if they were okay or not. He'd ask Meg what was on her mind; he'd figure out how Sam was feeling, if Jet needed healing, and what Dean and Mary were talking about. But none of those things were going to happen, at least not any time soon.

Cas found that his mind was hazy and his eyes were tired.

He wondered what he'd say to Dean if he could say anything at all? Would it be something like 'I miss you'? Or would he tell Dean he was afraid? Maybe he'd say nothing true and that he had everything under control. Cas smiled and touched a hand to his lips; maybe they'd just share a kiss. Words weren't necessary; being close to Dean was all he really needed anyway.

The edges of his vision started to waver; his energy was out of him now. He stood motionless with nothing keeping him upright but his own natural balance. His wings felt heavy and they started to droop, slowly he fell backward.

He was the cure Heaven needed. Cas could feel it, the poison was gone, it was inside him like the worthless parts of Hell. Except this time he didn't have the energy to absorb it, Heaven didn't remain within him the way Hell did. He'd left it to be rebuilt; he didn't purify it the same way.

Castiel sensed the angels again, the pain fled their bodies. Angels were rising to their feet, flying like they were supposed to. He sensed Gabriel as the archangel entered God's chambers. Cas was staring at the ceiling, wings spread across the floor and unmoving. He blinked and realized that he only had one set of eyes now. He'd fallen back into his human form, unable to hold onto the real thing.

"Cas?" Gabriel lifted him up and cradled his head; Cas could see Gabe's true form for the first time. It was beautiful and golden, he was so happy he could see it. There were three faces, his vision was fading fast but he could see they were all humanoid and so pretty. "Hey, stay with me! You did it! C'mon, Cas!"

Gabriel's voice grew quieter as Cas' eyes closed. He thought he'd be afraid but he had heard what he needed to; you did it.


	62. 22 Years-Old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best readers :D And yes, even you, the person reading this long after it's been posted. I appreciate all of you so much and thank you for supporting me through this story. I'm glad I can make you all part of my process, I hope you enjoy the last arc.

_Six Years Later_

Dean exhaled shakily, keeping perfectly still and waiting for the right moment. His team was scattered over the rooftops of abandoned buildings, they were stationed specifically to take out a rather large menace to the families living nearby.

Outside and away from the major cities were sectioned off pieces of land. Defenses were built out of necessity, walls of steel and concrete for the lucky ones, volunteer armies for the rest. People gathered in these safe zones since the calamities started, Dean, his family and friends, and many others were fortunate enough to find refuge early on.

As the years had passed many able-bodied people chose to fight and defend what was left of humanity. They volunteered their abilities and learned combat skills; they had to, if they wanted to survive that is. Dean was ready to volunteer immediately. His brother, boyfriend, and closest friend was in Heaven trying to fight for them all, how could he do nothing? Jet was at his side in a heartbeat, the feeling about Cas was mutual, it seemed.

They had been the youngest to join the squads and were trained by veterans, soldiers, and anyone willing to give them a shot. Dean shone in those six years, his leadership abilities were good and he had a lot of potential. Jet was tenacious and incredible at split second decisions; something he proved was one hell of an asset in the field. Dean and Jet worked best when they were together and so they were hardly ever separated.

Sam trained from early on, as soon as Mary would let him. He was smart, a tactician at heart and one of the bravest boys the volunteers had seen. Much like his big brother, Sam had potential as a leader but he was young. They were hesitant to let him out into the field, and if the world didn't need more fighters Sam wouldn't have been authorized to go that day.

Dean had been in different units before and he'd been out on the battlefield, but most of them were large. There were usually ten people, bare minimum, on a team but none wanted to go. There was a demon threatening the livelihood of their settlement, it'd come around almost a month previous and wasn't going anywhere. Dean was the only one left that was willing to try one more time before their families would have to evacuate. It was his first time leading a team and all he had were three other people with him; Sam, Jet, and Meg. But he wouldn't want anyone else on his first crew.

He could hear over his headset as his teammates argued back and forth.

 _"I'm telling you this would be easier if we had bungee cords..."_  Jet muttered across the frequency, his discomfort something Dean understood more than he cared to admit out loud.

Sam scoffed in response, a sound Dean was all too familiar with.  _"And where are we supposed to get those, smart guy?"_

_"Fuck, I wouldn't even know where to get them if the world hadn't gone to shit. Wal-Mart? My money's on Wal-Mart."_

" _Jet would you shut the fuck up, please? We're in the middle of a job."_

_"C'mon babe, don't be like that."_

_"Don't you 'babe' me,"_

_"If you're old enough to go out on a job then you're old enough to be called babe."_

_"That's not my issue, you jackass. Besides, you were two years younger than I am now when you first fought these things, don't talk to me about being old enough."_

Jet snickered, very clearly enjoying poking fun at Sam,  _"Maybe I was, but you're not me, kiddo."_

 _"I_ will _kick your ass, you know."_

"Could you guys stop?" Dean grumbled into the microphone, unable to deny the smile it brought to his face. Hearing Sam and Jet's banter was probably the highlight of his day.

 _"Lighten up, Dean."_  Meg chattered, he couldn't see her from his perch but he knew where about she might be.  _"I for one think they'd have bungee stuff at a Sport Chek."_

 _"But Wal-Mart's got everything,"_  Jet argued playfully, right back on the subject like it hadn't at all changed.  _"I mean, you know, if good quality isn't what you're looking for."_

"Pretty sure 'good quality' is important in bungee cords, bro." Dean laughed, "Now can we focus please? This bitch ain't gonna kill itself."

 _"You got it, man."_ Jet came over the headset loud and clear, Dean could see him stand up and make the first move as he usually did with the big ones. Jet ran to the edge of the rooftop as the earth shook and the sound of falling buildings filled the air. He didn't hesitate for a second, a trait that Dean sorely wished he could possess. Heights were his least favourite thing. Give him a sand demon, or something that really likes to burrow, but goddamn it when he had to fight something huge or flying.

Jet leapt off the seven story office effortlessly, he free fell for a few seconds before firing a grappling gun. Dean could only see a large fin of the beast but by the sound it made he knew Jet's hook was embedded pretty deep.

The demon they faced was something similar to a turtle, it had a tough shell and nearly every part of its exposed skin was impenetrable. And if it wasn't impossible to break then it was a part that healed almost immediately. Meg told Dean about that type of demon, it dragged its belly along the ground because that was the weakest part of it, slow to heal and very vulnerable. Dean had tried to tell older teams about what Meg had explained to him but they didn't trust her, so they wouldn't listen.

Meg's acceptance was a difficult path but Dean defended her every step of the way that he could, though not as swiftly as Sam had. The moment people turned against her as they discovered what she was, Sam stood across from their guns and told them to shoot him first. Castiel would have defended her with every last ounce of his being, Sam felt he could do no differently and the scene he made was more than just inspirational to Dean. Sam wasn't wrong and before he knew it, Dean stood opposite his comrades' barrels with the same fire in his eyes that Sam held.

He wasn't sure how that would have ended if it had played out entirely. Dean was sure that if his dad hadn't shown up to stop the insanity, all three of them would have been shot dead.

As it stood now, Dean and his crew were the only ones willing to fight the large monster that had leveled half of what was left of the city. It was all based on Meg's intel and Sam's planning. They needed to flip the thing onto its back, which was step one and if done right then the rest would be cake.

Dean rushed to the edge of his building and watched as Jet swung around the monster's front legs, losing momentum as he went. Meg caught Jet's hand just as he reached the end of his swing and threw him back around for another loop. As soon as she let go she flew to the demon's face, by now it was aware of them and attempting to stop the human around its knees. She posed as a threatening distraction as Jet touched down on the ground and headed for its back legs next.

Sam waited like Dean did, both wielding blades and watching with anxious thoughts. Jet and Meg had the hard job, the really dangerous work of getting so close to the beast. Dean could tell, even from the distance he was away from Sam, that his brother was worried. Dean wanted to reassure him but that would have to wait, he couldn't take the chance of distracting the ground team.

Jet managed to get around one leg before Meg called to him over the headset;  _"I gotta do it now! Jet, start climbing."_

" _I only got one leg done!"_

" _Doesn't matter, it's getting out of control."_

Dean bit the inside of his cheek as he watched Meg break the pavement, one blow after another while dodging the demon's attacks. A beam of energy launched from its skeletal jaws, barely missing her as she broke apart the ground. Jet, meanwhile, climbed up onto the monster's tail end and clung for dear life to the jagged spikes that lined the base of its spine.

" _I've got one shot at this, Jet you better not fuck this up."_

" _Don't worry about me, I got it."_

Meg poured her energy into the earth beneath the concrete, a crucial spot that Sam had chosen based on her abilities. Most of the city had sewers underneath but not where they'd ambushed the turtle-demon so close to the outskirts. They felt the ground shake before a surge of magma burst out in a concentrated geyser, knocking the back end of the beast up.

Unfortunately the demon was the type that swam in rivers of fire in Hell, so the lava did no damage. However the plan was only to get part of it airborne, which took a lot of fire power. As soon as its rear was off the ground, Jet jumped again. He fired a second grappling hook from Dean's gun; it wrapped around a spike and gave him something to swing from as he passed just next to the retreating flow of magma. As Jet was out of sight from Dean's position all he could do was pray that his friend made it out from underneath that demon before it shook the ground with its landing.

" _I made it!"_  Jet shouted, adrenaline fueled from a will to fight and complete terror.

Meg dove to the side Jet emerged from and caught him midair, taking him with her as she sailed over the monster's back again. Two hooks caught in the thing with thick rope wrapped around its legs as well as under and over it were all Meg needed. Jet let her take his ends of the ropes and held onto her as she used all her strength and momentum to turn the beast over.

Dean swallowed thickly as he watched the turtle's back start to tip, its one free stumpy leg swung in the air as the thing was forcefully pulled over.

" _Get ready, Dean. It's our turn."_  Sam spoke seriously over the line but Dean could hear the excitement in his voice. He wished he could feel it too but the idea of diving off the building wasn't at all appealing to him.

"Right…"

" _You have to jump, you know that right?"_

"Shut up, Sam, I know." Dean grit his teeth and stepped back a few times, a running jump was what he'd need to make sure he landed enough to its center.

" _Okay, go!"_

The moment Dean heard Sam's voice he was running; he pushed as many fears out of his mind as he could. If he could fly through Hell he could jump off a building, no problem. Or at least that's what he repeated to himself as the edge came up.

By the time the earth was shaken by the demon's fall Dean and Sam wouldn't have been affected. The two dove off the rooftops and angled their blades for the demon's belly. Just because its underside was softer didn't mean it was easy to get through. The brothers cut their way into it and did all they could to destroy its insides.

It was by far the most disgusting thing Dean had ever done; all he could think as he swung his machete was a varietal loop of  _'This is fucking nasty. Gross. Ew. I hate this.'_  He knew Meg had joined in when the demon really started to shriek, her demonic side was the best weapon they had.

After what felt like an eternity later, it was finally dead. Dean crawled out through its open mouth after piercing its brain several times. He was dripping with gore and the only thing he could do to keep himself from vomiting was spitting out the blood and guts that went by his mouth. "Oh my god…" he groaned weakly and wiped his face with an equally messy hand. "Holy shit that was fucking gross…"

Sam laughed meekly and dropped down to the ground, sitting with his legs splayed out in front of him as he leaned back on his hands. "I can't believe we did it."

"You guys were incredible," Jet cheered from several feet away. "Great plan, Sam."

"You know, killing it would've gone faster if you had jumped into it too." Sam frowned at him, irritated but too relieved to really complain that much.

"Hey," Jet's playful warning tone rang out as he pointed a finger Sam's way, "My deal was to jump first and swing around its legs, run around its feet, climb on its back, and swing under it – nearly getting crushed and past fuckin'  _lava_. I think I earned the right to boycott swimming in its organs."

"You did a great job," Dean reassured him, "If I had to choose between flying around in the air over and over again or jumping once into a monster's guts, I think we all know what I'd pick."

"I also think we all know who did the most work." Meg cocked an eyebrow at the boys, all three of whom smiled sheepishly at her.

"Thank you, Meg. We'd be dead so many times without you." Sam was starting to catch his breath but he still sounded pretty tired. "Let's head home before more demons come through here."

Jet walked up to him and stuck out his hand, pulling Sam to his feet. "Good plan, as usual." He grinned and before Sam could devilishly try to hug him he started walking.

"Leave him gut free, Sammy." Dean laughed and slapped his brother on the back, "You can hug him later."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Sure, but only because he'd be a bitch about it."


	63. Adaptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome as usual :) Thank you again for reading, I didn't get much feedback on the time skip and the set up of where Dean and the others are at so I hope you're still here with me and I didn't scare you off! Love you guys, take care and see you again soon.

Driving back home wasn't too much of a trip; it was peaceful, like looking out the window at a ruined world. Jet and Meg sat in the backseat of the truck Dean borrowed from John; it had 4-wheel drive and would be a better get-away vehicle should they need it. There was a CD in the player and blasted an old mix that Sam used to have when he was twelve. No one really said anything about it, it was fairly upbeat and brought back memories of times before Hell broke loose.

Dean pulled up outside their settlement, the walls and gates closed to outsiders and demons alike. Dean wasn't sure he liked that aspect of it; he thought that they should be open to everyone but apparently he was naïve. Not everyone in the world was stable or level-headed, and some were just out to get others. It was stupid and made him angry, but he couldn't protest much after a group of strangers climbed their walls one night.

He was 18 and up late, sitting on the rooftop of his place with Jet and Sam when Jet spotted the dark figures. Those strangers stole their food and killed several of their people before a squad hunted them and shot them down. That night had been a nightmare, Dean's hands had been shaking as he held tightly to the gun he'd been issued. He remembered the sick feeling in his stomach, remembering Captain Uziki and Cal as he aimed at more humans. These ones weren't possessed; they were just people attacking other people. Apparently giving humanity a bigger enemy to fight than one another didn't stop some of them.

He had wished for Cas to come home so many times. Dean still prayed at night for him, every night since he'd left.

The gates were still closed and Dean started to drum his fingers on the steering wheel, waiting. The truck was quiet for about ten seconds before Sam exhaled audibly, "I bet they're slacking off again," he groaned and leaned back, dropping his seat and hitting Jet behind him.

"Hey!" Jet blurted out sleepily, a smile on his face as he leaned over Sam's, "You're a brat, you know that?"

Sam didn't reply, he just smiled back and leaned up for a kiss. Jet obliged of course, and to Dean it was adorable. Sam had the worst crush on Jet for so long and seeing the two together after that time was more than Dean's little heart could bear. It reminded him of Cas sometimes, but only a little.

"Oh my god," Meg leaned around past Dean and hit the horn a few times, evidently out of patience. "This is ridiculous."

Dean smirked and shuffled out of her way, if she hadn't done it he was pretty sure he'd have gotten there.

The doors swung open a moment later, guards hustled to let them in quickly and Dean could see a crowd of people waiting. Many of them looked ready to run home and pack their bags; he looked forward to giving them the good news.

As they drove inside and the gates closed behind them again Dean pulled to a stop next to John and Mary. "Hey," he grinned as he hopped out, arms open wide. He didn't expect much contact since he was covered in slime and unspeakable gore, but his mom embraced him right away. John went around to the other side to catch Sam in the same bone crushing hug.

"I'm so glad you're safe," Mary kissed his cheek and squeezed him tighter.

"How did it go?" Nikki asked as she rushed up to Jet, silently thankful that he wasn't covered in blood. "Did you do it?"

"Yeah," Jet hugged her and rested his head against the top of hers, much taller than she was now. "It got a bit hairy but we did it."

"Why're you the only clean one?" John scoffed lightheartedly at him, letting Sam go once he ruffled the teen's hair.

"Because I earned it."

"So he says," Sam rolled his eyes.

"Hey," Dean punched Sam's shoulder, nearly knocking him over, "Give your boyfriend a break; he nearly got fried by lava today."

"And crushed," Jet pointed out quickly and earned himself an angry look from Nikki.

"You know I don't want to hear about the near death experiences, you little punk."

He shrugged sheepishly, "Sorry mom, kind of hard to avoid these days." He offered her a similarly sheepish smile until she let it go.

"So you did it?" One of the fellow defenders caught Dean by the shoulders; it was Gordon and his eyes wide and hopeful. Having to find a new place to live those days was like a death sentence for more than half the group of people moving.

"Yeah," Dean clapped him on the shoulder proudly, "We did, it's gutted and in the middle of the street up on Fifth."

For a second he figured the relief in his people was overwhelming them, a silent sigh to release their tension. Except it only took a moment for the cheers to erupt and before he knew it he was hoisted up. "Whoa!" He laughed and hoped they wouldn't drop him, it was just a wall of sound coming from the crowd but he could tell it was excitement and joy that they were feeling.  _'Can you see me, Cas? We're doing okay, I'm protecting them.'_

They were carried off via crowd surfing; Dean looked over to see Sam, Jet, and even Meg riding the same wave as him. The cheers and shouting that echoed from their return lifted his spirits more than he ever thought they could. He did it. He did something worthwhile to their settlement and he could be proud of himself. They'd proven themselves to themselves and everyone around them, they were more than just dreamers; they were fighters.

Celebrations started fast and went all night. Dean cleaned up and went to check out the parties that had basically come out of almost nowhere. People were all over the place, patting them on the back and giving them hugs. Sam was a little more humble with it than Dean or Jet; he smiled and said it was no big deal. Dean cheered with them and even did a chest bump or two.

"Should we really be celebrating?" Sam asked as the light disappeared over the horizon, "More demons could be on their way, especially if they see the corpse we left."

"Cheer up, Sammy." Dean put a drink in his hand and forced him to keep it. "By now most demons know where we're all at. If they want to come out and start some shit then let 'em, we'll take them out like we always do."

Sam looked him over with a half smirk, not quite buying into the bravado Dean liked to uphold. "That's a bit presumptuous."

"And what're you gonna do?" Jet dropped down next to Sam, "Worry until it all goes away? Relax a little, we deserve it."

"But can we afford it?" Sam argued bitterly, "Cas has been gone for six years and I haven't seen any other goddamn angels. I think… I think we need to face facts here."

"Don't," Dean warned almost viciously, his eyes dark as he finished off his glass of whiskey.

Sam bit his lip but didn't say it.  _Cas might have failed. Cas might be dead and we're all going down with him._  Dean didn't want to hear it.

Jet rubbed Sam's leg silently, a simple apologetic look enough to help both Winchesters calm down. "We'll hold out as long as we can, we don't know what kind of shape Heaven's in and maybe Cas had to do a little more clean up than we thought."

"Yeah," Sam looked away, like he might've been ashamed for doubting in the first place. "I'm sorry; I don't know what to do anymore."

"That's alright," Jet leaned over and kissed his cheek, "We're all just getting by these days, but that's why we should take advantage of something like tonight. All these people are celebrating  _us_ , they're cheering for our victory and why not? We've been fighting so hard for so long, I really do think we deserve to let loose a little."

"You'd let loose anyway," Dean joked and fidgeted with the glass in his hand. He really wanted to go with Jet's optimism, Cas was just stuck up there for a little while, that's all it was.

"Hey guys," Meg walked up to them and dropped down carelessly beside Dean, "Why're you all sitting over here? Dancing and drinking are over there," she pointed toward the loudest areas.

"We know," Dean smiled at her as she reached over and poured what looked like whiskey into his cup to top it off, "Just needed some quiet time."

She nodded and looked over at Jet, "What, you not gonna drink anything?"

"Nah," he smirked and leaned back casually, leaving it at that but Sam wasn't about to let it go unsaid.

"Jet can't hold his alcohol, he's a lightweight."

Meg snorted out a laugh and nodded faster, "Got it, no drinks for him then."

Dean watched the others and his thoughts wandered. He wanted to know about Heaven, he wanted to know how many people were left in the world, how many demons, and if the angels would ever come back. Would Cas? He nudged Meg after his thoughts carried him away for too long, "Hey, can you sense Heaven?" He asked without thinking it over very much.

She sobered up pretty quick; maybe alcohol didn't affect her at all and she was just pretending. "Honestly I'm not sure," She placed her glass down and looked up, "Sometimes I think I can but… I don't know, it's a little odd. Heaven feels weird; it has ever since Cas left. I think it's fixed but then I wonder why the angels aren't here yet." Meg looked down again and shifted her feet uncomfortably, "I haven't been able to sense Cas for six years… it's been harder to deal with than I thought it would be."

"I feel you," Dean nodded and turned his gaze to the sky, "Being without him only gets worse as time goes by. I wonder about him all the time, if he's still alive, if he managed to do what he needed to or if Heaven's been annihilated. I think sometimes that maybe he failed and that's why he hasn't come home, but then I'm sure that something like Lucifer would have arrived by now so… Cas must have succeeded, right?" His musings trailed on in his head but he cut off the audible ramblings there, no need to talk about it for that long.

Jet and Sam exchanged a quick look, "Well," Jet followed the general gaze up at the stars, carefully chewing on the inside of his cheek as he looked for the right words. "If it's any consolation, I think he's fine. Cas said he'd do his best to come back to us and that's all we can ask of him. If he failed then the world's gonna be a miserable place for a very long time, or until it goes down in flames. But if he succeeded then we just need to wait and keep fighting. Either way it's the same for us. We just need to keep going, eventually something's going to change and when it does we'll just have adapt to it."

"Sometimes I forget how good you are at keeping your head up," Sam muttered as he ran his fingers through Jet's hair. He leaned against his boyfriend and exhaled softly, "How can you be so optimistic?"

"Not sure that it's optimism so much as it is a self-preservation thing." Jet rested his head against Sam's and smiled as he breathed in, "And  _that's_ something I've always been good at."

Dean hummed his agreement, liking how Jet explained it the more he tossed the thought around in his head. Whatever happened six years ago, whatever happened to Cas, Dean knew he'd have to find a way to deal with it. For the time being he'd wait, like had been doing, but now without questions. If it was faith that he needed then it was faith that he'd use. Castiel would come home to him soon. It might be longer than he originally expected, but he chose to believe Cas would be back. Until that time he'd live his life and fight for his Earth because it was his only home.

"You guys are incredible," Gordon walked up to them from the celebrations, a somewhat timid smile on his face. High school had been a long time in the past, it felt even further away than six years. Gordon had changed a lot, really came out of his shell. Dean remembered the fights, how they could seem so trivial after everything that had happened. Yet he knew he'd do it again, anyone that disrespected Castiel would face the consequences.

"Thanks man," Jet grinned at him and caught his hand for a quick squeeze and let go, the two of them had been getting along. Dean had heard from Jet about the scenario in the cafeteria, how Jet gave Gordon orders to get everyone the hell out of there; it had saved nearly every life in the room, minutes later a massive demon crushed the building. "How's the party?"

"Wondering where its heroes are at." Gordon sat down and took a swig of his beer, "Thanks to you four we can stay here, wish I'd gone with."

"You could've," Dean pointed out harshly and made the other man cringe, "But it's alright, you're not the only one that isn't crazy."

"Don't feel bad," Sam reiterated for him, "What we did was a long shot and if too many people went with they could've been hurt. What matters is that it was done, not who did it."

"So you say," Gordon tipped his head toward Sam, "But we all know you four have always been more than just anybody. Hell, some people have guardian angels and some people don't, that's just how it is."

"Damn right," Jet grinned and lifted his bottle of water, "Here's to the survivors,"

"To us," the others cheered and raised their glasses.

They did a small toast to their success and turned back their drinks, eyes toward the sky just in time to see something entirely out of place. Dean furrowed his brow as he watched the sky light up like he'd never seen.

Meg stood up and dropped her glass, "Angels," she barely managed to whisper, "they're here."

Dean stood too, eyes wide as he watched shooting stars with wings sail down to the planet. He could feel something different, like the world was changing as the seconds passed. "Is Cas there?"

"I can't sense him," she was a mixture of excitement and terror, Dean could relate.

Shouts of humanity echoed that night; some knew what was coming while others thought it might be a new threat. But whatever it was Dean knew they'd do everything they could to survive.


	64. Where's Cas?

They stood watching the skies as the horizon burned, flashes of light shooting out of the earth as the angels touched down. The shriek of demons echoed into the darkness, a distant but comforting sound to those listening. It meant monsters were dying but they also sounded very far away, both sources of contentment for the people.

"Holy shit," Dean gaped as he felt the earth shift; there was a new kind of energy in the air that kind of reminded him of Cas. Angels. He still couldn't believe it, how could they be back? Was it real? Maybe Cas was with them…

"What the fuck took them so long?" Jet muttered, his arms folded in annoyance. The comment came as a surprise to Dean; he thought the overwhelming unanimous thoughts would be of relief. His eyes could barely be pulled from the sight in the distance but he turned to see the pissed expression on his friend's face. It was the kind of look Dean understood without having to ask, Jet had a reason for his remarks and it made Dean smile. Whatever that reason was he was sure Jet would share shortly.

"Be grateful they're here at all," Sam nudged him angrily; if anything was going to set Jet off it was someone telling him to be grateful for something he didn't believe in. "They didn't  _have_  to come and help us."

"Yeah. They did." Jet argued and Sam was taken aback but didn't stop him from speaking his mind. Jet looked at them and made eye contact with Dean before turning his attention to Sam. "This whole thing is connected to the angels; Cas wouldn't have had to do any of the stuff he did if they'd had their shit together! And if they'd done that much then Hell wouldn't have spilled over onto Earth and  _we_  wouldn't be dying!" He gestured wildly at their settlement, "Humankind is fucked, most of us are dead and the rest are praising that these angels decided to grace us with their presence? Castiel is the one we should be thanking; he's the one we need to be grateful for, not these guys. I don't k now a goddamn one of them and until they do something to clean up their mess I don't give a shit that they're here."

"Ditto," Meg reached over and fist bumped him.

"Damn," Dean laughed and ran his hand over his mouth to try and hide his smile, "Cas would probably hate to hear you say that."

"He'd say he hates it but he'd probably secretly approve," Jet grinned for a second before cutting it short as a light closed in from above. Most of the angels were scattered around the sky but it looked like one was headed right for them.

Dean would've been lying if he said his hopes weren't up for it to be Cas, his heart was in his throat and he could see the same look on everyone else's faces. Please let it be Castiel, and if not then they'd better have news about him.

"Yo," The angel landed a few feet away from them and folded in his multiple sets of wings. The human form of this angel was shorter than Dean would have thought, regardless though he looked right at Sam and Dean. "You must be Winchesters, name's Gabriel."

"Gabriel? Like the archangel?" Sam gawked but didn't get to do so for very long because Dean was long out of patience.

"Yeah we're Winchesters, where's Cas now?"

"Calm down there, tough guy." Gabriel waved a hand at him, "That's why I came over here; I'm the one that dropped Cas off in that old muscle car of yours, I know you're his family and all that junk."

"Thank you," Sam said before Dean could growl out something along the lines of 'so what?'

"For…?" Gabriel raised an eyebrow curiously as he trailed off, "Dropping Cas off?"

"Yeah, if it weren't for you we never would've met him."

"You know he's the reason anything demon-level bad ever happened in your family, right?"

Dean grit his teeth and tried to bite his tongue but couldn't quite do it, the spark that Jet showed moments earlier lit Dean's mind on fire. He agreed with his friend, Castiel was a gift to them; he was the one they needed to show gratitude to. To hear even a subtle suggestion that they should be mad at him for anything brought out a monster in Dean's head. "Cas isn't the reason bad shit happens, he isn't the reason demons attacked. Cas is a victim of this just as much as anyone else. He didn't ask to be what he is; he didn't ask for some big stupid destiny to be dumped on him, so don't you dare blame him."

"Not to mention Cas has done more to fix any of that shit than anyone else, who the fuck are you to say that?" Jet joined in, Dean was grateful for the backup.

Gabriel stepped away, his hands raised in surrender, "Whoa, whoa, okay I get it. We fucked up, alright? What do you want me to say here? I'm sorry shit went wrong but we don't know what happened either. Heaven just started falling apart and all of us started dying, there wasn't anything we could do." The archangel's eyes darkened and his hands clenched into fists as they dropped back to his sides, "Do you really think I wanted to drop my baby brother off with some humans and leave him there? Or that any of us wanted to die? I would've been fighting right at his side if I could've, but I couldn't, okay? There wasn't anything I could do for him."

Gabriel held their gazes; his jaw trembling until he slowly unclenched it, whatever wrath he might've unleashed it wasn't something humans were prepared for. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry this all happened and I'm sorry that Cas isn't here."

"Where is he?" Sam asked a little more gently than Dean would have.

"He's in Heaven, we think he's resting but he hasn't moved since we healed and got Heaven into a stable condition."

Dean exchanged a look with Jet, they both felt a little bad for being rude but Cas was the primary thing on their minds. "How bad is he?"

"His grace was the antidote we needed, it got Lucifer's poison out of our systems and Heaven stopped falling apart, but it was still in pretty rough shape. The souls already there were in trouble and we had to stay and fix it before we lost any more of them." Gabriel's gaze wouldn't stay in one spot and he barely wanted to make eye contact at all.

"Gabriel, how bad is he?" Sam repeated and Gabe just shook his head.

"No one knows, not even God can tell me what's going on with him. Maybe He just won't, but I wish I had more news for you. Cas is lying down, eyes closed and isn't moving." Gabriel sighed and rubbed at his eyes, Dean felt worse about being a dick.

How bad could Cas be that even God didn't know whether he was okay or not? Why wasn't Castiel moving? Was he just created to fix Heaven for that one moment in his life and that was it? He'd remain motionless until the next crisis? Dean wanted to throw up.

"So then did you just come over here to tell us that he's alive but in a coma?" Jet's voice had softened but he was still pretty aggressive.

"Basically, yeah." Gabe shrugged and looked like he wanted to get out of there, Dean didn't blame him. "Now that Heaven's stable enough to exist without us and we've taken out the demons up there, we knew we had to get down here to help. You guys have been doing a great job, by the way."

"Thanks," Meg wasn't pretending to be sympathetic or excited by Gabriel's comments; her arms were folded over her chest and one eyebrow quirked at the archangel. "What happened to Hell? Or Lucifer?"

Gabriel glanced toward the horizon, Dean guessed he was gauging whether or not he had time to spare. He then looked back at Meg, curious at first but unquestioning, "Cas purified it, all of it. The whole thing is pretty mysterious at the moment but it looks like Hell is gone. The souls are being looked after in Purgatory, and that's about all I know right now."

For the world having been a disaster for six years an archangel sure didn't know a whole lot. Dean's nose scrunched up, something was a little fishy but he couldn't quite put his finger on what. "Is there anyone who might know more?"

"I wish," Gabriel laughed, an honest tone of voice that caught Dean off guard. He thought maybe there was something the angels were keeping to themselves, if anything Gabriel was probably going to be the most open to them. "Let me give you a summary of what I know; Lucifer got his hands on the essence of everything in Heaven, we don't know who gave it to him yet. He made a poison to tear us apart from the inside out and so the big man upstairs sealed everything up. Cas was made separately; a new angel means big changes so we were all pretty excited. I dropped him off on Earth and cut to 16 years later he breaks all the seals. We continue dying and he goes off to fight Lucifer, they ended up falling into Hell and next thing I know Cas comes out alone saying he's fixed it. Even Lucifer got purified in that whole thing. After that he went and fed his grace into Heaven's core. We didn't get in there until afterward, though."

* * *

 

" _Cas?" Gabriel ran into the room, already feeling a hundred times better than he did seconds before. He looked around the space he was barely allowed into on a normal day, nothing was particularly familiar but he was able to recognize the collapsed figure._

_Castiel didn't have enough energy to hold his angelic form anymore; he lay without wings unconscious, and appeared to be almost too perfect for the floor he was on. The last of his grace seeped out of him, glowing like nothing Gabe had ever seen before in his lifetime. "Cas," he whispered and stepped closer, unsure of his own strength, wondering if he'd be able to handle it if Castiel were dead. Gabriel knelt down next to his motionless brother and placed a hand on him._

_He felt something strange, something human inside the new angel. Gabe's hopes were up but he didn't want to get them too high, he nudged Cas but there wasn't any response. "Hey, get up kiddo, c'mon." He smiled anxiously and shook Cas' shoulder a little rougher, "I can feel you in there, little guy. C'mon, just get up."_

" _Gabriel," Michael's voice was shaky as he walked up behind him, placing a hand gently on Gabe's shoulder, "Don't."_

_Gabriel grimaced and ground his teeth together, "He's alive, I can feel it."_

" _His grace would come back but he also gave his life energy," his older brother uttered softly, still weakened from the fight and disease. "You know what that means…"_

" _There's something else, you can feel it if you touch him," Gabriel barely managed to squeak, "He's alive, he is…"_

_Michael didn't have the heart to continue telling him no, and instead humoured his little brother by placing a hand on Castiel's head. "Wait…" his eyes lit up and he looked at Gabriel earnestly, "I feel it too, he has a soul."_

_Gabriel furrowed his brow and stared down at Cas intently, "No angel's ever had a soul…"_

" _He might live," Michael slowly rose to his feet, "Gabriel I need you to take him to his room, I'm not strong enough right now."_

_Gabriel nodded and carefully lifted Castiel up, trying not to pay attention to how light the boy felt. "What do we do now?" He asked as they exited God's chambers, looking down over the Heavens from the seventh._

" _Our Father requires rest, but he said that Heaven is in shambles. We'll need to rebuild a lot of it, make most of it from scratch, and try to make a stable space for the souls of humanity. They're disconnected from us now; we need to get them back."_

" _What about Earth?"_

" _Hell is gone and there are a finite number of demons, Father says that they'll have to hold their own. If we don't take care of Heaven now then all of this has been for nothing and there won't be anything left." Michael was tired and Gabe wished he could carry him too, but he only had enough strength for one lightweight._

" _So…" he offered a smile in the hopes it would get Michael to do the same, "I guess we get Raphael to start the Heaven Salvage plan, you know, since he did just about nothing during this whole thing."_

_Michael did smile but it wasn't a happy one, he shook his head and opened the door for Gabriel to walk into Castiel's old room, "Raphael perished early on in the siege, I'm afraid. He won't be around to help us."_

_Gabriel bit his lip and did his best to hold himself together. He didn't want to know how many were dead. He didn't want to know any of it._

* * *

 

 

"So wait, Cas isn't all angel?" Jet tilted his head a little, something he'd undoubtedly learned from watching Cas.

"His power is archangel level at the very least; but we're not entirely sure what he is. Dad went into hibernation so there's no asking Him any questions at the moment." He shrugged and kicked the dirt absently, "Cas is a new kind of angel, he's a completely different model. Different kind of grace, most beautiful wings I've ever seen, and he's got a soul. To be honest… I'm not convinced he was made like we were."

Dean wanted to say something, he wanted to ask more about Cas, he wanted to be taken to see him. How could they just leave him there alone?

"I have to go now," Gabriel's wings flared out again, "I'll be back later, maybe I can take you up to see him once we've got this demon thing under control." He gave a quick wave and just as he'd arrived he took off. Dean stumbled back from the force of his launch but managed to keep his balance.

"So that's it?" Sam asked quietly, "Are we saved?"

"We'll see," Jet ruffled his hair playfully, a light hearted gesture that didn't go unnoticed by anyone. None of them were quite sure if they'd just gotten good news or bad, but they'd manage it regardless.

"I hope they hurry up," Dean watched the horizon again with renewed determination, "One of them better take me to see Cas…"

"Chill out man," Jet grinned at him, "You wanna be in one piece when you get the chance to see him again, don't stress out now."

"I guess you're right," Dean smiled back but couldn't shake the anxiety in him. Cas was so close but still so far out of reach, it was agonizing.

"I want to see him, too." Sam went to his side and gave his shoulder a squeeze, "But Jet's right, if we start pushing ourselves too hard now we might not make it 'til then. We don't know how long this will take."

Dean didn't reply he just turned and gave his brother a hug.

A few feet away from the Gordon just shook his head and looked at Meg, "You know, even though the world' overrun by demons and monsters 'n shit," he turned and looked at the sky as more angels came down, "I still can't get over the fact that Castiel wasn't human. I used to pick on him pretty hard, he was always so forgiving about it… I need to tell him I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Meg smirked and watched the Winchesters hug, "Don't worry about it too much, you'll get your chance to apologize but I've got a feeling he's always kind of known."

"Guess you're right."

"Always am."


	65. Heaven's Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there guys, just some reunion stuff to cover. I know this final arc wasn't as full of action as the others, I hope that isn't disappointing to anyone. Anyway I hope you're all okay, let me know what you think so far.
> 
> We're a few chapters away from the end so I know I gotta get my butt in gear and draw some trueform Cas before it's all over D:

"Castiel,"

He could hear his name but he wasn't sure where it was coming from. Was he still alive? Who was calling him? How long had he been drifting in silence?

"Castiel, it's time to wake up. You're not done yet."

He knew that voice. Was it God? No… it was more familiar than that. Cas tried to open his eyes but they were so heavy. "What do I need to do?" He mumbled tiredly, his mouth didn't want to work. He'd given his all for Heaven and the angels; he'd given up his existence for them, hadn't he? How was he able to live without his life's energy?

"You're well enough to move, get up."

Cas struggled more, his eyelids twitching and barely moving. It wasn't easy, he couldn't even lift a hand to try and force them. All of his energy was elsewhere within him, slowly recreating his consciousness and putting him back to where he should be. It drained through his limbs and he felt a muscle spasm. "You said I'm not done," his voice was a little stronger, "what else is there to do?"

"Confront the one that did this. Now come, I have an eternity but you don't."

Cas was so close to figuring out who it was, the name was at the edge of his slowly waking mind. "How do you know they aren't dead?"

"Because only I can kill them,"

Castiel slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the horseman, Death smiled down at him. He was at a loss for words, his mind barely worked and his eyes were heavy with sleep. If it weren't for Death's demands Cas would've assumed he was there to take him away, "Where am I?"

"You've been resting here in Heaven, everything is finally working again."

"What do you mean?" Cas tried to sit up to look around, his arms felt weak and his head was swimming. He'd definitely given more energy than he thought he could spare, how had he survived? "Shouldn't I be dead? Did you just decide not to take me until it's over?"

Death shook his head, "You were merely sleeping, there was no need to take you anywhere." He started toward the door, "Let's go."

Cas took a deep breath of air he didn't need and slung his legs over the edge of his bed. He looked up and recognized it immediately, faded memories of an old crib and space of his own. It was where they'd been keeping him when he was first made, he remembered Gabriel sneaking in.

As his mind wandered he started to stand, his legs wobbled but remained steady enough for him to stand. He was in his human form, not nearly enough energy in him to conjure wings. Death waited for him outside the door, calmly watching him as he took slow steps, each one getting a little bit easier.

"Do you know who did it?" He asked, taking a short break against the doorframe.

"I do."

"How long have you known?"

Death hummed softly and looked out toward the great hall ahead of them, "Since it started, sometime before you were born." He turned back toward Cas and looked him over, "You've come a long way, I expected you to be dead a long time ago."

"That's comforting," Cas rolled his eyes and straightened up again, "So then tell me, if you knew why didn't you stop it?"

"Because it wasn't time yet."

Cas knew there was a rule to the flow of life and death and if anyone would keep it at balance it'd be the horseman himself. It irritated him but he didn't blame Death for not interfering. He'd already gotten pretty mixed up in the fray already, in fact it was thanks to him that Cas wasn't dead a few times over. "For someone who expected me dead you really do your best to make sure it doesn't happen." He smiled and earned one in return from Death, a small victory Cas added to his mental roster.

"It was too soon to interfere with the cause because it'd result in the death of a being that could have still existed for millennia. However He's brought this on Himself and time is up." He started walking again and Cas did what he could to keep up, "I interfered and helped you because you have always been the only thing that could bring everything back to where it is supposed to be." He paused and bowed his head shallowly toward Castiel, "And for that I am grateful to you, Castiel Winchester."

Cas felt his face heat up with a tinge of embarrassment in his system, he was certain he didn't deserve that kind of praise but he did his best to accept it. "Uhm… you're welcome…"

He followed Death all the way to God's chambers, Cas could feel the pulse of Heaven as his senses strengthened and they got closer to it. Each was a wave of energy that radiated throughout the realm's core and echoed to the edges. It was a cleansing wash of light and with each step toward it Castiel felt stronger. He closed his eyes and let himself wander toward it. With Heaven full health again it sent healing waves all over the other levels, every one saturated with life energy from what Cas had originally poured inside.

He'd become the very source of Heaven, he was its life and he was its heart. Castiel walked up to it again and watched the flow, mesmerized and feeling a strange tingle in his veins. He reached up, following an instinct and touched the very center. It flashed once and he retracted his hand, fingertips burning with a sensation he didn't understand.

Death didn't say a word to him and instead watched him. Castiel swallowed past a lump in his throat and reached for it again, but stopped short when he saw his fingers. They were glowing brightly and the light was slowly bleeding up his arm. It didn't hurt and he knew inwardly that it was originally his to begin with. Castiel just watched it climb up to his shoulder and felt the burning lead into his chest where it connected to his core.

For a second nothing happened and it almost seemed to fizzle out until he sensed it explode within him. It burst through his body and all at once his life returned to him, Cas stared wide-eyed into space as a familiar force rushed through him. It was like a sun had imploded inside him, his wings ruptured from his back and the sides of his head, and his body shifted one more time. He stood in his true form, flexing his once tired wings and stretching out the muscle in his limbs.

"You never cease to amaze, Castiel." He heard God's voice and turned to see the Almighty next to Death. The two looked at one another with a sort of solemn air to them, like they were old friends meeting for the last time. "I wondered when you'd get here."

"Castiel needed to be present," Death replied, "I still don't know why you've chosen this path, you've cut your lifespan immensely."

"I think you understand," God closed his eyes and looked like he was at peace with Himself, but Cas didn't know what they were talking about. He wanted to ask but felt too far out of place. "Giving another chance to someone over and over again is all part of caring about them. And it was all I could do to give Lucifer another chance," He looked up at Castiel with tears in His eyes, "Thank you, Castiel. You've made every choice better than I could have, thanks to you he'll be able to live like the rest."

"I don't understand," Cas shook his head, his chest started to ache, "What are you talking about? What's going on?"

"Castiel," Death's voice was calming but it did little to ease Cas' growing anxiety, "Everything that exists has been made, that includes me and that includes Him." He gestured toward God who nodded. "Beings like God that are given the capacity to be omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent are created separately. The universe concentrates into these beings, it combines time and space, bends the rules of reality until the right combination is made. God was given the capacity to create life and everything you've seen. I was given the capacity to take it away, even from Him. You were given adaptation, determination and a strong will, and everything that's ever made you human."

Cas stared at them as Death's words sunk in, "I am… I'm not… what am I?"

"Whatever you choose to be." God offered a kind smile and it was then that Cas realized how sick he still looked, as if the poison had never left Him. "You were born into the angels, given to us as a needed sign of change. But you were raised human, and that is a very large part of who you are." He sighed heavily and looked at Heaven's core again, "I'm sure you've noticed, Castiel, but I was made flawed like anything else. I make mistakes though on far larger scales. I've lost my temper in the past, I've made unfair rules for the mortals I've created, and as their creator I've attempted to control them without giving true freedom because I thought I needed to be worshipped. You've seen many of my faults, but Lucifer… he was my biggest mistake."

Castiel allowed himself to retake his human form, shifting back down to show respect and take away and threat he might pose. He took steps closer to God and Death until he was the same distance apart from each, within reach. Cas wasn't sure what he was doing there, what he was supposed to be doing or what he should have done, but it seemed that was common among all living things. "What happened?" He asked softly.

"I was the one that gave Lucifer the means to escape, and I was the one that gave him the essence of Heaven and the angels." God's eyes were a strange mixture of sadness and relief as he spoke, "I knew what it would do, but I could see what could happen, I could see you, Castiel. With all the right guidance you'd return to us and you'd save him. I didn't foresee your purification of Hell, though. It was one of the first successful worlds I created, I was rather attached to it."

"It was horrible." Cas didn't snap but he kept his tone firm, but God already knew his stance on the whole thing.

"I know it was, I guess I'm a bit of a hoarder… But you did everything perfectly. When I made the angels and Heaven I hadn't ever wanted Lucifer to become what he did. It was always a possibility but I made him anyway, because I loved the idea of what he could be if he were the archangel I'd meant to make. But as I've said, I made big mistakes in the past that I couldn't fix. Lucifer had free will, all of my creations do. I can't take that away and so I can't just make anything happen the way I want it too." He furrowed His brow and looked down at His hands, "I needed something to save him, I tried so many times to give him the opportunity to fix himself but he never could. And I couldn't save him myself…

"But when I saw the possibilities with you, when I saw what you could do I knew what  _I_  had to do. For you to come into existence I needed to make an irreversible crack in both Heaven and Hell, so I did. When giving Lucifer every holy essence there was another possibility that he'd see the error of his ways, but it was slim at best." The Father went to sit in his chair, it was simple, as Cas would have expected. He was tired and weak, Death really did mean that time was up for Him. Cas' hands started to shake. "I knew it would hurt so many," God closed His eyes and shook His head slowly, "I just wanted to fix the biggest mistake…"

"Why hasn't my energy healed you?" Cas blurted out, his teeth ground together, "Why? It was supposed to fix everything!"

"It was never made to save Him," Death placed a hand on Cas' shoulder, "That is one of your limitations. You can't heal me either." Cas knew that from before, when Death sat unconscious against the wall of a shelter.

"The angels are doing what they can for Earth now," God caught Cas' eye by making a hole in space to see different areas of the planet. Castiel's mind picked it up fast, watching every piece that was present for him to see. "Six years have passed since you were last there, much has changed but I know you will fix it. Heaven will continue without me, you are its heart and it will gain new counsel. Michael, Gabriel, and Lucifer will be in charge here; you may decide where you'd rather be. Heaven could always use your assistance but Earth is open to you as it's been your home far longer."

Cas didn't know what to say, everything happened too fast and he knew what would happen to God any second now. "What do I do?" he asked weakly and the Lord shook His head again.

"You'll figure it out, Castiel. Just know that as this comes to a close I am very proud of you, and I was honoured to get the chance to meet you."

"Likewise," Cas fought back tears, as he knew he was already speaking to a corpse. God's last words etched into him like a carving on his mind. "Death…" he whispered, "What now?"

Death's hand was still on his shoulder, it was a comfort as he squeezed lightly but said nothing. The horseman walked forward and touched God's face, light glowed softly, growing and fading until it was too bright to see. And then there was nothing. Death was gone and so was God.

Castiel backed up to Heaven's core and dropped down, sitting on the floor and staring at an empty room.

 


	66. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day? What a busy writing day.

Cas stared off the edge of the seventh Heaven and looked down over the different levels, it was healthy again thanks to him. He wandered down to look at it, lacking angels entirely but still a beautiful sight. He couldn't imagine the structures and craftsmanship that went into it all. Everything was practically recreated from scratch, new material used and a solid base remade. It was stronger than it had ever been and Cas wished he could have been part of the building process.

But he'd already done his part; maybe it was better the way it went down.

He couldn't really wrap his head around it all; he saw a different set up than what his mind had conjured for him to begin with. The old way it worked was like a completely separate system, the human souls used to be in their own space, a duplicated version with no angels inside. Now it looked as though everything worked together, humans could pass through to the angelic side though there were many section that required wings to reach. Which meant that angels would have to interact with the souls of humanity. Cas was grateful to see it.

But all it did was remind him of one thing; his family. They were still on Earth and Death said it'd been six years. Six. Cas rolled that number around in his head like a pinball; Dean wasn't 16 anymore. Dean and Jet were 22 years old. Sam was an adult, 18 officially in May. Was it past May already? Had he missed it?

" _You're going to come back, right?"_

" _I'll do what I can, I promise."_

The last words they exchanged face-to-face, Cas' promise. How long could he wait until he was a liar? Until Dean was dead? Cas silently wished and hoped that Dean's soul wasn't among the many that walked Heaven's floors.

He wanted to see them, all of them. He wanted to see how Sam had grown; he wanted to know how Jet was dealing with the trauma he went through and if Nikki had survived, if she was still walking. Had his parents made it? Was Mary still as supportive and happy as he remembered her? Or John, was he still the family's rock? Cas wanted to hug them, to be held by them and know that it was all okay. It was all worth it in the end because they made it.

And Dean… Cas wanted to see Dean most of all. See that beautiful face smiling at him, big eyes tearing up from relief and joy, and to hear Dean laugh. He wanted to experience Dean again. Cas missed his scent, missed his humour, and missed his voice. Cas wanted Dean's touch, he could imagine resting his head against Dean's shoulder and crying, exhausted and renewed all at once.

Everything flashed in his mind, Dean's stupid grin as they played dumb games, his laugh every time Cas embarrassed himself, and even the seriousness of his tone as they talked about monsters. He could see Dean across from him, 13 years old and a spun bottle pointed his way. Their first kiss. That first moment Cas remembered falling; Dean was blushing and his lips were so soft. It set Cas on fire and left his skin tingling like nothing else ever had.

Cas remembered that horrible Christmas, the one he denied over and over again for so long. Dean had died without him there, Dean had stopped breathing and was going to be taken away but Castiel refused Death access. Castiel shouted down the horseman in their first meeting and it was something he'd never forget. He would always know what it felt like to hold Dean's body, unmoving and broken like it was never meant to be. That was something that happened because Castiel existed in his life but Dean never regretting it. Dean would never ask to repeat his life without Cas in it, and it broke Cas' heart to know it.

His pulse had raced when he realized Dean liked him too, that moment he looked into Dean's mind and into his soul. Dean's soul was always so lovely and drew Cas in every time. It sparkled like nothing else and he wished he could see it again. He wanted to touch it and know Dean better, know him at all. Six years really could change a person. Six years was a very long time.

' _I've stayed here long enough.'_  He told himself and spread his wings; it was time to go home. He soared toward the gates faster than he'd ever flown before.

* * *

 

With the angels' return the world erupted into chaos again. The demons that had grown comfortable sitting atop their throne were in a dizzying rush. Each one emerged again and attacked anything that moved, anxious and terrified of what was to come. After the destruction in Heaven there were still more demons left on Earth, they were outnumbered.

Angels were on Earth for only a day but already the obvious was imminent to everyone; they could still lose. "We can't relax yet," Dean said at a settlement meeting, all the fighters were present and deciding what their next move would be. Most were hoping for a chance to take a break and let the angels handle it; Dean was against that. "The demons are just coming out of hiding, we've already gotten transmissions from other settlements that they're being attacked from all sides and you want to take a vacation?"

"But the angels are here, we'll be fine." One of the other leaders stuttered out with a half smile, one that quickly vanished when Dean turned a deep frown on him.

"No we won't be. These people still need us to fight until someone tells me that all the demons trying to kill us are dead." Dean looked around the room, "We were going to continue fighting every day of our lives as of 48 hours ago. Just because the angels are here to help doesn't mean we can give it up, the war is still going and they need us to keep going."

The room was quiet other than a single; "Damn right," from Jet who was grinning as he watched Dean tell off the entire room of cowards. Dean felt a twinge of pride spike in him from that, Jet was the person he would credit for it to begin with. Having his 'take no shit' friend supporting him only made him more determined; he was doing the right thing.

"So the question then is do we focus on defense or do we attack?" Gordon asked and gained just that much more respect from Dean for joining in.

"Defense for now," Sam added, "Demons are coming out of the woodwork and we don't know where they're at. If we send everyone out to fight with the angels then no one's here to save our people. The angels are the frontlines, let's wait here like we've been doing."

"I'm with Sam," Dean agreed and looked around at the others, "We'll need as many people as we can muster, but I'm not your boss. If you want to quit now I can't stop you, though I just want you to know that if you do it's pretty messed up."

The room was quiet for a bit as the others looked at one another or stared at Dean, "We're with you." Jody Mills stepped out from behind a few people and gave him a firm nod, "We can relax once our families are safe."

Dean smiled at her, his eyes showed the relief in his mind. Just before he could thank them the ground rumbled in a way that was all too familiar to everyone present. Dean's eyes snapped to the window where Jet was already peering outside.

"I can't see anything…" Jet squinted, "But I think there's something coming…"

"Hey," Meg opened the door, she generally stayed out of the meetings and just listened from outside – the amount of dirty looks she got wasn't worth the hassle. "We got some demons coming out of the ground to the south, it's either a swarm of 'em or a few big ones, can't tell yet."

"Goddamn it," Dean grit his teeth and moved to gear up with as much ammunition as he figured he'd need. He exchanged a quick look with Jet who offered a smirk; Sam leaned over and gave Dean a strong hug before grabbing his shit. They never knew when the last fight would be, Dean wasn't ever sure he was a fan of Sam's method, if it meant giving up or if Sam was just prepared. But he couldn't tell his little brother not to do something that made him feel better, what kind of dick move would that be?

"Alright people let's move!"

Dean rushed out the door with the others right on his heels; everyone had preplanned positions in the event of something like this. He ran to his post and aimed a scoped rifle toward the south; with the greatest of Winchester luck his post was on the south side of the settlement. He watched as the ground bubbled about half a kilometer away, like it was made of liquid and coming to a boil. Dean swallowed past a growing lump in his throat and steadied himself, he'd fought a lot of demons over the past six years and it wouldn't be that different. Except he hadn't fought them so close to home.

His mind wandered to his parents but he knew they'd pick up guns if they had to. Once the alarm in the small town went off he knew John would be at his post too. Mary had asked him not to go out on expeditions if he wasn't needed, that he just stay home and help if something happened close to home. John had accepted, he said it was a good idea to leave some fighters at home at all times. Nikki was on board with it too, so the remaining adults willing to fight grabbed weapons and went on the defensive for the rest who couldn't.

Sam, Jet, and Meg were fairly close to Dean's position, all looking out over the wave of earth that started to rupture from the pressure. He knew they were going to be in for a hell of a fight. He could just feel it.

A light overhead flashed, there were a few angels that sensed out the danger and were engaging the monsters as they poured out. From where he stood Dean could see several small demons, approximately average human size, darting out of the opening. It was reminded him of when Castiel stood over their family in his angel form and the sky was darkened with creatures he could barely understand at the time.

Since then he'd seen so many grotesque things up close that it was hardly a surprise anymore. It was like playing a video game, except in real life. He missed the simple times of video games.

"You look distracted, man," Jet called to him and Dean had to laugh.

"Just remembering the days when I kicked your ass at Mario Kart."

"Fuck off, I didn't have a console to practice with at home." Jet jabbed back at him and Dean just grinned.

The following minutes were a calm before a storm, Dean's eyes were focused and his body was loose. Meg was perched on the wall ready to leap off as soon as it was needed; she was hesitant though. Dean knew why without having to ask, the angels out there might mistake her for one of the others and attack her instead. It was a different game for her now, Dean almost wanted to ask her to stay put, yet he knew she would have none of that bullshit.

No harm in trying though. "You know you don't have to go if you don't want to," he said without looking away from his scope.

"Considering it," She laughed anxiously, "But how would that look after you speech back there?"

"Your situation isn't the same as ours, I mean you're in this like we are but the angels aren't attacking humans."

"I can't win, can I?"

Dean smirked and scoffed at it, "Sounds like Winchester luck to me, you might be an honorary member of the family already. You know, if you wanna be."

Meg was quiet for a moment and Dean thought she might be ready to hit him but that wasn't the case. She flew past him seconds later and soaring faster than he'd ever seen her go. He'd struck a nerve, maybe.

It wasn't even five minutes later when Dean found himself firing his first shot. He hit a demon right in the forehead and signaled to the others at his side that it was time to engage. There was an uproar in the people of their settlement, battle cries tearing apart the sky and echoing loud over the landscape.

Dean kept shooting as long as he could but a long barreled rifle was only so useful as the demons closed in. He grit his teeth and hoped he could use it until he was out of bullets but out of the corner of his eye he saw Jet toss his to the ground. His best friend pulled a machete he'd strapped to himself and leapt off the wall. Dean's heart was in his throat, as he had to resort to smacking a demon off with the barrel of his gun.

Jet flew by on the back of a winged demon; he had a hell of grip on part of its head while swinging his blade at everything that came too close. Dean would have watched longer but couldn't risk being distracted.

A shotgun blast sounded a few times and a demon hit the wall next to Dean and fell over. He looked down to see Mary reloading, "Thanks mom!" He shouted before tossing his rifle down and switching to a sawed-off. It was loud and bloody, body parts flew in random directions, human and demon alike. Every now and then a flash of light blinded him, angels launching energy attacks and doing nearly as much damage as the demons to the settlement. People weren't harmed by angelic attacks but their homes were decimated far quicker.

Another demon hit home a few feet away, this one the same that Jet had been riding. Dean looked for his friend quickly and realized that Jet was still very much airborne, except he'd just jumped to a new ride because his had taken too many hits. It occurred to Dean that Jet's way might've been the most reckless but it was also more effective.

Dean took a deep breath and tried to ready himself for what he was about to attempt. Flying was a pretty big fear for him but to save his family he might have to do it.

He stared intently at the flying beasts and slid into a ready-to-run stance, eyes intense and fiercely focused. He stood there for about two seconds and realized it didn't matter how badly he wanted to do it, he'd never have the nerve. And just as he decided standing his ground with a gun was more his style he saw Sam follow Jet's entirely irresponsible lead.

Before he could rush after his brother what must have been a 2-ton demon crashed into their wall. Dean stumbled and hit his knees; he could hear the undeniable crack and rumble of the ground as it backed up to do it again. He tried to stand up but he wasn't able to get his balance soon enough, falling over another time.

Dean's heart raced as he scrambled to get up, finally able to get his feet under him but only seconds before a passing creature knocked him down. This time the wall slipped away from his feet and there was no hard surface to land on except for the ground. Dean had been taught different techniques for a safe landing but it still didn't save him the hurt from the impact. He groaned and struggled to get up again, staying still wasn't an option that equaled living through an attack scenario.

The ground shook again, this time far more prominent. He looked up to see the massive beast rearing to charge the wall one more time; he was directly in its path. Dean only had a split second to make a move but he knew that it wouldn't matter; he wasn't fast enough to get out of the way. Instead he rose to his feet and glared the monster in the eye as it charged him, prepared for an imminent fate.

While he expected everything to go dark it actually blinded him, a brilliant light and an ear-splitting explosion blasted out from his location. Dean couldn't feel anything but a gust of wind, and as his eyes readjusted to the sudden light he realized who was standing in front of him.

"Cas!" He nearly shrieked the name, his readiness for death washed away with so much joy he didn't know how to control his own voice anymore. Tears were immediately in his eyes, as he couldn't help the smile on his face.

Castiel turned around to look at him; his human body was what he controlled then, plus the addition of wings. Cas' form had aged the six years; he looked just like Dean would have thought, probably even better. "I'm so sorry, Dean." Cas' eyes were as teary as Dean's, "I've been gone so long."

Dean grabbed Cas' hand and pulled him into a hug, holding tight enough to bruise and burying his face against the curve of Cas' neck. "What matters is that you're home," He whispered brokenly, "Just like you promised."


	67. Soul to Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I need to say something here. We've been going with this story since last May and it's almost been a year since then (May 30th, 2014 was the day I first posted it). You guys have been with me, some since the beginning of it, and we've gotten to ride out this story together. I hope it's been as much fun for you as it was for me. There will be one more chapter after this one and then it's over. I'll miss it but things need to come to an end, right? 
> 
> Thank you all for your support and I hope to see you in future stories!

Cas could barely believe his arms were around Dean again, to feel his warmth and smell his skin. It was different than it had been before; Dean had gone through a rough few years to get to where he was. Cas' eyes burned with tears knowing it was his fault, and if it wasn't a fault to blame then he should have tried harder to stop it from happening. "I'm so sorry," he whispered with his mouth nearly pressed to Dean's head. "I should have-"

"Shut up," Dean laughed and kissed him, "If you're about to tell me you should've done better or some bullshit like that then just kiss me instead."

Cas couldn't argue or suppress the laughter bubbling up from his throat. "You're impossible," he smiled and took flight again, Dean wrapped in his arms.

"Whoa! Cas hold on, I still don't like to fly!" His boyfriend shrieked and grabbed onto him for dear life.

"I know, but we can't do nothing." He dove back over the wall and landed on the ground again, wide eyes from both his parents as a greeting to him. Cas let Dean go and he immediately hit his knees, mumbling something about goddamn flying and nearly killing him. "Hi mom, hi dad."

"Cas?" John's tone was one of disbelief and Mary didn't hesitate to rush up to him and squeeze him tightly.

"My baby," she cried against his shoulder, one hand pressed against his back and the other against his head. She leaned back and looked at his face, "You're okay, I'm so happy and relieved that you're okay."

Cas didn't try to stop himself from crying and just let it flow down his cheeks, "I'm sorry I'm late," he croaked out the words with a stuttered laugh, choking on a sob already.

John walked over; eyes watering and a strained smile pulling on his lips. "We're just glad you're back at all, son." He hugged them both because he knew he'd never get Mary off of Cas to give one just to him.

Castiel closed his eyes and rested in their arms, he'd been unconscious that whole time but he missed them terribly. Separating during such a rough time wasn't something he ever wanted to do, and the fact that demons were attacking only made it harder. "I love you," Cas kissed them both and stepped back, his cheeks red and his smile wide. "I need to keep you safe, I'll be right back."

"Wait," Dean caught him again, holding his hand from the ground. "Cas, wait," Dean's voice shook and his eyes were wet. "Where are you going now? You just got back."

Cas knelt down and hugged him again, "Don't worry, I'll take care of the demons." His wings curled around them both and he held Dean as comfortingly as he could. There were so many tangled emotions inside him that Cas wasn't sure where to begin on Dean's mind. He did his best to soothe it and smooth out the lesser wrinkles. With every attempt and gesture he found that it only made Dean more anxious and more worried. Dean didn't want to lose him again; Cas could see the fear swimming through his mind like a nightmarish shroud on his judgement. Tears fell down Dean's cheeks and Cas couldn't hold back his own.

If he took off again, even for a short time, Dean would be more stressed. He'd do more damage than good and really; Cas didn't want to be apart at all.

"Unless…" he trailed off and wiped tears away from freckled cheeks, "Unless you wanted to fly with me?" He asked softly and watched the emotions dance behind his boyfriend's eyes.

Dean looked at him intently and bit his lip, he wanted to go but he didn't at the same time. Cas could see the fight in his head, Dean wanted to be with Castiel no matter what but he couldn't bring up the courage to say yes. Knowing he'd be flying through the air without any kind of safety equipment scared the shit out of him, and going through Hell the same way really didn't help.

"Cas…" Dean choked out and fidgeted, "I don't know if I can…"

"I can carry you like I did once before," Cas cupped Dean's cheek and kissed him another time. There was a strong spark between them, the hairs on the back of Dean's neck stood on end and Castiel could feel the heat rising in both of them. "Just like before," he repeated and stood up to step back to give himself space. His body shifted and slid into a human-sized angel form; it felt a little weird but he kind of liked it. His hand glowed and he touched it to Dean's, "You'll only be part of me for a little while, is that okay?"

"Yeah," Dean smiled and wiped his eyes. In seconds he disappeared and Cas could feel him closer than he had in years. It was an immediate comfort for both of them, Dean's soul started to rest and Cas' mind could relax knowing that Dean was safe and not getting crushed out there somewhere.

"I'll be back," He looked at John and Mary again as they tried to come to terms with what they just saw. "Don't worry, he's safe."

"You're just so stunning," Mary shook her head, her lips slowly pulling up as she studied Cas' entirely different body shape. She'd seen it once before, it was massive and impossible to make out details of his face – or in Cas' case, faces. "You're beautiful, sweetheart."

"Take care of your brothers," John added and cocked his gun again, "Come on Mary, we got work to do."

Cas smirked and left them with a parting few words; "Not for long."

He flew to the sky and let himself grow to his full size and full strength. A sharp angelic cry was sent in a shockwave over the immediate area and echoed far beyond any normal being's reach. It was a warning to the demons on Earth; Castiel was coming for them. It wasn't just a warning though, a message followed the original call. To the demons seeking repentance, like Meg, he'd do the same for them as he'd done for the ones in Hell. They would be spared his wrath as he flew overhead, every demon in his path would be purified. If they were nothing more than evil, and there wasn't anything left but a grotesque shell, then they would not survive the process. The rest he'd make into souls, humans, and angels depending on their level of malevolence.

Castiel didn't expect much more than souls to escape to Heaven, but he'd always give an option if he could. When he'd purified Hell majority of the creatures there were beyond saving. They'd spent so much time in such a twisted world that they themselves became nothing more than twisted husks. Cas had sent a handful of souls to Heaven with the purification but not very many, a minimal percentage. He hoped it would be different for the ones on Earth but his hopes weren't as high as he would have liked them to be.

The sky lit up like fire and he spread his wings, eyes fixed on the battle raging below. Other angels looked up to where he was, awestruck and uncertain of themselves. With just a thought and his will, the demons started to fall in waves, rows of them crumbling to the ground without exemption. He didn't worry about Meg; he knew she'd be fine. He could see her from where he was; she'd been locked in a fight against Azazel, her father. She was winning despite his hateful words and Cas couldn't have been prouder of her strength.

She watched Azazel hit the dirt, confused until she felt the pulse of energy wash over her too. Meg looked up at him and tried to remain standing; he could see her concern and gently wiped it away. She would be fine. Meg slowly let her trust for him come through and nodded as her knees felt weak and she too crumpled down to the ground.

Cas felt Dean's amazement and smiled. He had always wondered about what he was doing, his mind was aware of his capabilities, what he could do and what he couldn't. He didn't know if what he did was the right thing, he didn't know if it was wrong but he did know that it felt like what he  _should_  do. Maybe that wasn't right but he didn't care. He had to do  _something_ , and in his experience if he didn't do anything then he was inevitably going to be wrong.

Castiel took the wave of purification with him as he flew, his speed was tremendous but everywhere he went he left a trail of collapsing demons. Circling the world from pole was a task that he undertook and it though he knew it would take its toll on him he didn't care. Cas had a bad habit of giving too much until he didn't have enough for himself, so why should he change his ways after so long?

" _Are you going to hurt yourself again?"_  Dean asked suddenly and loudly, it was like a gong in Cas' head.

" _Not so much hurt myself as drain my energy again."_  Cas replied honestly, he felt the sudden rise of anger in Dean and wished he could quell it.  _"It won't harm me-"_

" _But you'll be unconscious_ again!?" Dean demanded an answer, his emotions were screaming for him and Cas wasn't sure if he could explain himself with words. Dean's soul burned against his, a raging fire in his skin with nothing but the purest intent. He smiled and instead of talking he gave Dean access to his mind. It showed the significance of his strength, his power source and how quickly he could regenerate. He'd purified Hell all at once; his body had taken that energy and recycled it into himself. His being held the life force and grace of Lucifer, powered Heaven, and gave strength to other angels.

It showed Dean the efforts he'd made and the experiences he had while away. Cas hadn't relived those thoughts and memories but he could do it through Dean as he flew around the globe. Everything replayed on a whim for Dean, Heaven's beauty and its pain, the angels and their sickness, all of it. He even got to see God, though it was almost too blinding for him to take.

Dean was silent as he witnessed it until Castiel's mind could no longer show him anything, his six years of unconsciousness.  _"I prayed to you…"_ Dean whispered and Cas' chest hurt instantly.  _"I told you things, like what we were doing, how everybody was. I wish you could have been there."_

Castiel curled his lip in to bite it and hold back more tears,  _"Me too, but you can tell me some of it now, if you'd like?"_

Dean laughed a little and stared at the empty space where Cas' mind experienced nothing and showed darkness.  _"After you were gone we stayed in that shelter for a while. Dad was hurt pretty bad, Meg was healing up fast, and Jet was… well he was Jet. He was pretty hurt but he didn't want to be so he acted like he was okay until it was true._

" _Sam was worried, he was scared you'd get hurt. I was scared… We were just kids, Cas. We fought monsters and killed men, Sammy saw so much that sometimes I wonder about him. I wonder about Jet, and me but mostly I think about you. I always think about you and really those six years are such a blur now that you're back. I thought about how you kissed me and how it sent lightning down my spine. I thought about you every day, about your smile and your eyes. I thought I knew it all perfectly but sometimes I'd close my eyes and I'd have to try harder and harder to remember how beautiful you were._

" _Your eyes were the wrong shade of blue and my heart felt like it was breaking. I saw your smile but it was wrong and I couldn't put my finger on why. Maybe it wasn't wide enough, or you weren't happy, maybe your teeth were wrong or the colour of your lips? I didn't know and it drove me fucking crazy, I should have known._

" _Your hair was soft but I didn't know how soft it was, I didn't know the exact mixture of brown and black and light brown either. There were so many things I wished I'd taken the time to pay more attention to, like your voice. I could hear it in my head but sometimes the tone was wrong or the way you used your words wasn't right. I wished I'd paid attention to beautiful you were because I didn't understand it until you were out of my life. You disappeared for six years and I realized just how big an idiot I was._

" _Cas, I love you. You've been my brother, my best friend, and the source of my affections. I love you every way I think is possible, but I can't even remember the details of your face or your voice. I missed your laugh so much, Cas…"_

Cas' body continued on its given mission but he turned attention internally and took a form in his soul. Without words he went to Dean and connected to him, a hug, a kiss, whatever a soul could do.  _"I love you too,"_  he cried softly and nuzzled his face against Dean's,  _"Everything I've done is for you, it's for all of you. I can't stop until you're safe, that's why I was gone for so long, that's why I hurt you like that… It sounds backwards when I say it."_  He sobbed out a laugh but didn't move from where he clung to Dean, keeping his cheek pressed against Dean's cheek.

Dean's laugh came out the same way his did, a little painful but impossible to stop.  _"I understand why you did it, and none of that was your fault. You couldn't help falling into a coma after saving Heaven, you couldn't come here any faster than you did and I get that."_ Dean rested his head against Cas' and it felt so natural.  _"But I can't stop myself from wishing it was all different… like if we'd gotten the chance to keep going to school and graduate, go to college together… I don't know, maybe it's okay. I don't even care about that anymore, you're here now and it's all going to be okay."_

" _So you still want to be my boyfriend?"_

" _Don't ask stupid questions,"_  Dean pulled back and kissed him feverishly, holding the back of Cas' head and guiding him gently through it. Cas melted into it; a quiet gasp escaped him when their lips parted.  _"Of course you're still my boyfriend, I didn't go through that embarrassing explanation to mom and dad for nothing."_

Cas just shook his head with a scoff,  _"Like I wasn't embarrassed?"_ He smiled and gingerly brushed fingers through Dean's hair, it was the same despite being six years older.  _"Do you think we can ever live normally together again?"_

" _Sure,"_  Dean grinned, white teeth shining at him and Cas fell in love all over again.  _"Normal might have changed from what it used to be, but we can have whatever we want."_

Cleansing the planet felt like nothing with Dean along for the ride, Cas' energy was drained but he already felt light headed. His mind was lost in Dean and his heart didn't need anyone else. He circled back to Dean's home base after some days had passed. It almost felt too soon.  _"We're here."_

Dean hadn't needed rest within Castiel, they could talk and laugh and tell stories for hours and it was like seconds. Dean looked a little upset that they'd taken so little time, despite the actual amount that had passed.  _"Can we… just hang out a little longer?"_

" _They don't know I'm here yet so we can take as long as we want."_  Castiel snuggled next to Dean's soul and relished in the warmth it gave him.

* * *

 


	68. Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people! We've reached the end.
> 
> I just want to thank you all for reading this and to let you know I really appreciate that you've come along with me for this adventure. The support and critiques have been helpful and I hope I created a good enough story for you all.

When Dean and Castiel finally decided to come back down Dean hadn't realized how much time had really passed. Healing the planet had taken nearly a week but they remained airborne for another three days. Cas was pretty sure that they'd know he took a little longer than necessary but they probably wouldn't say anything about it.

As they came close to the ground Cas allowed himself to be sensed and let a soft glow out to alert the people that might be interested in his return. He extracted Dean from within himself and stood at his boyfriend's side in human form, smiling at the excited people running their way. Jet, Sam, and Meg were at the forefront of the crowd, rushing to see them.

"You're okay!" Sam reached him first and Cas had to take a moment to realize just how much Sam had changed. His little brother grabbed him into a hug but Cas couldn't have imagined that Sam would've gotten so much taller, he was such a runt before but now he was even taller than their dad, taller than Dean. "I've missed you so much," Sam murmured against Cas' shoulder, his voice shaking and arms tightening.

"I missed you too," Castiel smiled and closed his eyes, letting himself relax in Sam's grip. "You've gotten so big, I can barely believe it."

"You're the one as tall as sky scrapers, remember?" Sam grinned and leaned back to get a better look at Cas' face. It was a moment of silence between them as they both smiled and really took in the fact that the other was there. They were in the same space again, they were in safety and there was no kind of imminent danger. Cas could take a moment to see his little brother, to really see that he was okay and that the world that shaped him hadn't twisted him terribly. And for Sam it was more than just seeing Castiel again. It was deterring the fear that more of his family might be dead, it was looking into the eyes of a hero and self-sacrificing man. Cas could never properly describe the way Sam was looking at him but it was such a relief and more than he thought he deserved.

Sam's eyes were watering and he blinked rapidly to try and stop it but Cas didn't mind. It felt like an eternity since the last time they'd seen one another. "How are you?" Sam asked without much ability to find the words to say more, his voice cracked a little with just those words.

"I've never been better. I have quite the story for all of you, but I'll save it for later." He could sense Sam's emotional rollercoaster and was only left with a smile on his face. Sam's heart was at peace, despite all he'd seen and everything he'd been through he was in one piece. His relationship was going strong, he was so smart, and he'd grown into such a wonderful person. "Sam, you truly have grown up. You're so beautiful,"

Sam shook his head quickly to try and shake off the emotional dam bursting, but tears still slipped from his eyes, "I'm so glad you're home, Cas."

Cas nodded knowingly, "Me too. Also I've noticed that you and a certain someone have hooked up?" He nudged Sam's arm playfully and watched the light pink blush that light up his cheeks.

"Yeah," Sam's gaze darted away from Cas awkwardly, "Jet's my boyfriend now."

Cas glanced over at Jet's expressively emotional features then back to Sam, leaning in a little to fake whisper, "I'm so sorry,"

Sam snorted back a laugh and Jet grinned wildly as he pulled Cas over, it was his turn for a hug and Cas was happy to oblige. "You little asshole," Jet laughed to try and cover how he inhaled sharply, another attempt to keep from crying. Cas wondered how many he could count before his reunions were over? "What the fuck did you do, huh? We've been fighting this crazy world for six years and you come in and fix it all in six fuckin' days." They definitely knew he hadn't taken that long to eradicate the demons.

"I had to clean up after one of my choices," Cas gave his friend a squeeze, unable to really bring himself to let go. Jet held in his fears and his anxieties but he could never hide them from Castiel. As they held the hug longer than the any of the others Cas had thus far, Castiel let his energy flow into his friend. It'd been too long since any of them felt any kind of internal peace and all Cas wanted was to give it back to them. "You're so tangled up in here," he whispered and Jet didn't say anything, just held on a little bit tighter.

Cas remembered hearing Jet once say 'We need you,' demanding that Castiel couldn't leave when he thought he was a threat. It took him six years to really understand that Jet needed him far more than he had realized. Cas had been there when Jet lost his dad, helped him grieve and heal, kept him upright with subtle soul repair as Nikki slowly got worse, and then completely healed her for him. Jet had been so afraid he wouldn't be able to keep going without Castiel around, he'd proven to himself that he could but that didn't erase the scarring caused by so many sleepless nights.

"I'm sorry I left you," Cas said as he let go, looking up at Jet's tearful smile. "I hope you'll forgive me someday."

Jet wiped his eyes as he coughed out a laugh, clearing his throat to again attempt mask his sniffling once. Cas knew better than to buy into it, but he pretended Jet wasn't crying for his sake, "You know I do, man." Jet reached over and clamped his hand down on Cas' shoulder, a heavy and comforting pressure placed there. "Thank you, I can't-" his voice broke and he closed his eyes tightly, failing to stop himself from crying openly this time. Jet covered his mouth and started to turn away but Cas wouldn't let him go.

He hugged Jet again, and that time both Sam and Dean joined in. "You're welcome," Cas whispered against his friend's sobbing frame, protectively holding him as long as he needed to.

"We're here," Sam kissed Jet's cheek and pressed his cheek to it in a nuzzling motion.

Dean didn't say much but he did give a crushing embrace to make up for it, words weren't always needed.

The four of them stood together and tears didn't just fall from Jet's eyes, Sam couldn't keep them back knowing his boyfriend was struggling so hard to stop. Dean's weren't as easy flowing as the rest, but he shed a few for his family. Cas' heart was full of empathy and his grace already working within the three of his closest friends and family. Healing them was at the top of his priorities, at the very least he left them with a stronger base to build the rest of themselves onto.

They stayed that way for a minute or two until he felt their relief. Cas smiled at the reddened eyes that looked his way, "Feel a little better?" He asked quietly and enjoyed the short but enthusiastic nods they gave him. Jet was a little embarrassed with himself for breaking down so unintentionally publicly, but that feeling faded within him quickly enough.

"Thanks Cas," Sam touched his arm gently before sliding off, "You always know what to do."

"I wish," Cas laughed but kept the bitterness out of it, "If I knew what to do all the time we wouldn't have had this whole mess on Earth."

"It turned out pretty well, all things considered." Dean grinned and punched his shoulder.

As he rubbed his arm Castiel felt eyes pinned to him, sharp and entirely too familiar. He looked a little past Jet to see Meg waiting her turn patiently, something very significantly different about her presence. "Meg? Are you alright?"

"You tell me," She smiled genuinely and took the few steps to embrace him. Cas blinked rapidly as his mind really processed the changes in her; he'd purified her, she  _was_  very different. Immediately he needed to feel deeper to see what he'd find and couldn't believe it when the source of her differences lit up in his face. She'd lost her demonic essence completely and in its place was a shiny new grace.

"You're an angel!" He cried excitedly and practically jumped around within the confines of the hug, "Oh my god I did it! You're like me!"

"Sort of," She laughed and leaned back, letting him go to do whatever he needed to do to lose that energy surge. "I'm a basic feather-head now, no devil horns anymore."

"I can't believe it," Cas gasped, still astonished. "How do you feel?"

"Embarrassed because you're reacting like a fan boy?" Meg smirked and ruffled up his hair, "But thanks, you really came through."

"I'm so glad I could help you," Cas toppled over her in another hug just for her to shove him off again, she hadn't changed  _that_  much. Her personality wasn't much different. "Alright, alright, I'll lay off."

"You better," she smirked and nodded toward the slowly growing group of people, "You gonna say hi to your family?"

Cas looked up and smiled brightly at his mom and dad, Nikki, and several familiar faces he didn't think he'd ever see again. So many people from the settlement must have heard about him because they started to cheer for him as soon as he gave them any kind of attention. Chants for his name and shouted 'welcome home' messages all blurred into the same wall of noise. Mary ran up to him and hung off him in a squishing hug, nearly bringing him down to his knees. He couldn't hear her properly but he knew what she was trying to express. Gratitude, pride, and relief all mixed into the same "I love you."

John caught him next and kissed his cheek before holding him tight, a firm hand cradled the back of his head in the most protective way Cas could have imagined. He slung his arms around John's shoulders and squeezed him back, showing with his strength all of his appreciation and giving the message "I'm okay." It was the only thing John needed to know.

He knew how rough the Earth was, how damaged it'd become but he knew that they'd be able to fix it together. They could make it a better place.

"Castiel!" Gabriel's voice broke through the crowd's right before he collided with Cas and knocked them both to the ground. "You're up!" He practically shouted into Cas' face as he held him up by the shoulders, "Holy shit! You made it, little guy!"

Cas blinked away his surprise and tried to brush off Gabriel's solid grip. "I did," he felt the weight of telling them about God, about Death and everything that happened. But maybe that could wait, it'd be difficult to swallow but he was sure they'd make it through. "A lot happened up there but I think it looks incredible now."

"You didn't even see it before," Gabriel punched him in the shoulder; it was harder than Cas was used to but he absorbed the shock. "Way to go, you little miracle."

Cas curled stray hairs behind his ear and shrugged sheepishly, "I just did what everyone told me I needed to do, I'm not that good."

"Take the compliment," Michael landed gracefully nearby, his eyebrow cocked and a smirk on his lips.

"Wait a second," John pointed at Gabriel, "You're the guy I saw that day! You put Cas in my car, right?"

"That's me," Gabriel gave a short bow, "I did what I had to-"

John cut him off with a classic Winchester hug, close, strong, and something the receiver didn't want to move away from too quickly. "Thank you, thank you so much."

Gabriel hesitated; he glanced at Cas who smiled so big it was contagious. He pat John on the back and returned the hug, "You're welcome."

"So what will the angels do now?" Mary looked at Michael expectantly, she was hoping for good news, something that would mean that Cas could stay.

"The demons are gone but we have a lot of clean up to do. We'll be staying on Earth for the time being, humans and wildlife alike need our help." Michael looked over at Castiel, his eyes showed his admiration. "Castiel, of course, will stay here with all of you."

Mary smiled in her relief, "Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help."

"Of course," Michael bowed his head to her, "As you've always done, please take care of Castiel for us."

"Too easy," John laughed and moved to put an arm around Castiel's shoulders, "He takes care of us most of the time anyway."

"I wouldn't call that easy," Cas made no attempts to get away, his expression speaking for itself.

"Shush," John ruffled his hair. Cas felt so accepted and like things really would settle down again, but he knew better than to keep what happened in Heaven to himself. It nagged at his mind and he couldn't let Michael and Gabriel leave without telling them. They'd figure it out when they returned to Heaven

"Hold on," He stepped away from John's hold easily, knowing full well it was meant to keep him there, and walked up to the archangels. "Something's happened since you left; Death was the one who woke me up and he…" how could he tell them that their dad was gone?

The words barely reached his lips and he bit them back again, the way they looked at him shifted from excitement to confusion to concern. They could see that it wasn't good news. Gabriel held an optimistic look but Michael's was quickly falling.

"I'm sorry," Cas wanted to stop, wanted to run away but he did his best to hold his ground. "He said that your father's time was up. God is gone."

Michael's gaze slipped down and his mouth tightened but he didn't speak. Gabriel stared blankly for a second; his mind going straight to denial but there weren't any ways he could find Cas to be joking. Castiel's eyes were a window to his intentions; the kind of joke that faked a severe loss wasn't part of his make up.

"Did He… did He say anything?" Gabe asked hesitantly and Cas nodded before giving them the full disclosure, every word and gesture he could possibly remember. It was a difficult exchange, while he spoke he could see Gabriel's heart breaking a little while Michael gave him nothing but silence.

"So He's left us in charge," Michael finally spoke once Castiel had finished and everyone was at a loss for words. God is dead. That was the only thought ringing through people's minds, some were despairing almost immediately while others couldn't differentiate between what had happened while God was sealed and frozen, and a world where he was dead.

Gabriel wanted to say something more prevalent but he couldn't find it in himself. Instead he hugged Cas again, this time holding him closer as a subtle laugh shook his shoulders. "You're worth the trade off," he said with a smile and Castiel crumpled into the embrace.

"I couldn't save Him," he mumbled against Gabriel's shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Gabe. I'm so sorry…"

"You need to stop being sorry," Michael curled magnificent wings around them both and touched Castiel's head affectionately. It wasn't quite the same 'hair ruffling' as everyone else liked to do but it was close enough. "You've done so much and it's time you put your mistakes behind you. Your regrets are only yours, people have done nothing but thank you today and all you do is apologize. We don't hold anything against you, so stop doing this to yourself."

"He's fuckin' right, man." Jet called over to him and Cas couldn't help but laugh.

"We love you, Cas." Sam reassured him, "You've saved our lives and our afterlives, I think we can accept if you might have a flaw or two."

"Maybe," Dean added playfully and Cas couldn't tell them they were wrong.

"Alright," he wiped his eyes and looked around at all the smiling faces, "I'll forgive myself, but you all have to help me clean up this mess."

"Way ahead of you," Gabriel pinched his cheek as if he were still the infant that Gabe remembered, "The other angels are already working on the rest of the world. Like Michael said, you're in charge here."

"I think I can handle that." Cas hugged him again; glad that his internal soothing would also work on angels. Gabriel's grieving was painful but Cas had done his best to smooth out the gouges it made in his core. "Will you guys be coming by here again?"

"I might stop in," a grin took over Gabriel's face despite the pain he'd be fighting for some time to come.

"I might be too busy," Michael admitted and Cas shook his head, not accepting that answer.

"At least come back before you go home?"

"That I can do."

Cas stepped back from them and smiled, "I'll see you all later, then."

He wasn't sure if it was contentment that settled in him or relief, regardless though he knew that things would be okay. Giving the world a second chance wasn't all they were doing, he and the angels would be actively rebuilding. The Earth would have far fewer humans within it, the many cities and buildings would feel empty but that was all part of the new era. The people that lived would have so many tales to share and they made history together. Castiel was glad that there was enough of humanity left to still trade such experiences, and that he could be part of it.

* * *

 

_In a year's time…_

"So I think that's about it," Dean declared successfully as they moved their things into a new house. They'd chosen one of the rebuilt cities as their home; it had been a long process of deciding what weather would be best and the type of scenery that suited them all.

As it turned out they wanted to be in Lawrence, newly paved streets with all new neighborhoods and buildings. Its layout was a little different than it had originally been, there were new monuments created at the behest of his friends. Gabriel followed Jet's line of thought and obliged when the young man suggested a statue of Castiel be set up in the town square.

Cas had stared at the thing with some disdain but couldn't tear it down, other people appreciated it and that'd be kind of rude of him, right?

Maybe he liked it a little bit.

He stood now with his eyes fixed outside the window of the large home he'd share with his closest friends. They decided that they wanted to live together, too much space seemed too empty and they could make a house large enough to fit them all since there was so much land available. Dean, Sam, Jet, Meg, and himself all in the same house. It was a new concept to him but he liked it, he wasn't ready to be too far away from them.

As for the angels, they'd completed their mission. Earth was in working order again and as far as most of them were concerned they could go back to Heaven. Castiel was given free range to go wherever he pleased, Earth was his domain and Michael and Gabriel preferred it that way. They told him that it could take hundreds of years for Lucifer to come back from where Cas had stored him and his energy, it wasn't something to worry about. Cas agreed and so kept an eye on the growing energy inside himself. It was kind of cute when he looked at it from certain angles. 

Gabe said he'd be stopping in, though Cas wasn't sure how often that would be. Regardless he was content knowing that his angelic family was alive. He'd completed his job and had done what he needed to do. It was over.

"You okay?" Dean placed a hand on his shoulder and Cas nodded quietly before he looked at his lover carefully.

"Just daydreaming," he leaned over and kissed Dean slowly, wanting that peaceful moment to last forever.

But of course he was a dreamer and that wish wasn't part of reality.

"Goddamn it Jet! Would you just pick a side!?" Sam's voice echoed through the house, loud and enraged.

"Picking which side of the closet you use is important, okay? Not everyone can carelessly toss their shit to either side." Jet countered calmly but Sam wasn't taking any of his crap that day.

"Fuck off with that, you throw your clothes all over the floor anyway!"

Cas raised an eyebrow and looked at Dean with a bemused grin, "Sam curses a lot more than he used to."

"He talks a lot more like Jet, is what you're saying." Dean corrected and kissed him again, a quick and light peck on the lips. It brightened Cas' smile and brought a blush to his cheeks.

"Just get different rooms," they heard Meg join in, her tone a little exasperated but mostly just full of sass.

"No," Jet refused and Cas could tell by Sam's vibe that his little brother was vaguely considering it. "SAM!" Jet realized it too, it must've been written on Sam's face. "How could you?"

"What? If you had your own room you could use the  _whole_ closet."

"Fine," Jet sounded like he was pouting and headed for another room in the house, "I'll get my own."

"Wait!" Sam protested quickly, his tune changing fast, "Babe I didn't mean it, come back!"

Dean snorted, "Wow, Jet's high maintenance."

"He always was," Cas shrugged and leaned against Dean, "Though you are too, so it's not that surprising."

"What? No I'm not!"

Cas rolled his eyes once and tried to stifle his smile, "If you say so."

Dean frowned but stopped himself before going any further, getting Cas' point. "Alright, whatever. C'mere," he wrapped his arms around Castiel's middle and hefted him up, carrying him off to their bedroom. "I think it's time we relaxed a little."

Cas wrapped his legs around Dean's waist and kissed him, making it difficult to navigate the hallway but Dean did a fairly good job of it. "I wouldn't want to do anything else."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just add here that if you've read this after it's completed and it's been around for a while please don't hesitate to add a comment or drop me a line. I'd still love to hear your thoughts on it, I read every single one and try to reply if I can!
> 
> Alright that's it! I hope to see you all in the next one :D


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